


1. Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC

by PuddyGeeks



Series: The 100 Fics [1]
Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Awkward Crush, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Crush at First Sight, Crushes, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Friendship, Oblivious, Powerful female main character, Protective Older Brothers, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-01-30 21:58:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 60
Words: 298,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21435352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuddyGeeks/pseuds/PuddyGeeks
Summary: 『✙』Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ Bʟᴀᴋᴇ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴘɪᴛᴏᴍᴇ ᴏғ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ Iɴᴅɪɢᴏ ʜᴀᴛᴇs: ʜᴀɴᴅsᴏᴍᴇ, ᴄʜᴀʀᴍɪɴɢ, ᴀʀʀᴏɢᴀɴᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴍᴘᴜʟsɪᴠᴇ. Uɴғᴏʀᴛᴜɴᴀᴛᴇʟʏ, ʜᴇ's ᴀʟsᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ sʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ sᴇᴇᴍ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴀʏ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ғʀᴏᴍ.[Tʜᴇ 100  - Sᴇᴀsᴏɴ 1-2]**Nᴇᴡ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ Sᴀᴛᴜʀᴅᴀʏ ᴀᴛ 7ᴘᴍ U.K ᴛɪᴍᴇ**
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Original Female Character(s), Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin/Raven Reyes, Gina Martin/Raven Reyes, Jasper Jordan/Raven Reyes, Monty Green & Jasper Jordan & Original Female Characters, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Octavia Blake/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The 100 Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698553
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	1. Aᴄᴛ I

Season 1


	2. Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ

═❖════✦══『✙』══✦════❖═

Dᴜʀɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ Sᴋʏʙᴏx, Iɴᴅɪɢᴏ ғᴏʀᴍᴇᴅ ᴀ ᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴏᴜs ғʀɪᴇɴᴅsʜɪᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ

ғᴇʟʟᴏᴡ ᴏᴜᴛᴄᴀsᴛ Oᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ Bʟᴀᴋᴇ, ᴛʜᴇ ɢɪʀʟ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ғʟᴏᴏʀ. Aᴛ ғɪʀsᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ

ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴅᴇᴘᴀʀᴛᴜʀᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴘᴘʀᴇssɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Aʀᴋ ᴡᴀs ᴀ ʙʟᴇssɪɴɢ,

ʙᴜᴛ ᴏ̨ᴜɪᴄᴋʟʏ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇʟʏ ᴏɴ Iɴᴅɪɢᴏ's ᴋᴇᴇɴ sᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴀʟ ɪɴsᴛɪɴᴄᴛs. Tʜᴇ 100

sᴛʀᴜɢɢʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀʟʟᴇɴɢᴇs ᴏғ Eᴀʀᴛʜ ᴡʜɪʟsᴛ Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ sᴛʀɪᴠᴇs ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴅ

ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ ᴛᴇᴇɴᴀɢᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ʜɪs ɪʀʀᴇsᴘᴏɴsɪʙʟᴇ ᴀᴛᴛɪᴛᴜᴅᴇ ғᴜᴇʟs ᴄᴏɴsᴛᴀɴᴛ

ᴄᴏɴғʟɪᴄᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ Iɴᴅɪɢᴏ. Tʜᴇɪʀ ᴏɴʟʏ sʜᴀʀᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛ ɪs ɪɴ ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛɪɴɢ

Oᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ᴀɴᴅ Iɴᴅɪɢᴏ ʙᴇɢɪɴs ᴛᴏ sᴜsᴘᴇᴄᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴀ ᴅᴇᴇᴘᴇʀ ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴛᴏ

Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ's sᴇᴇᴍɪɴɢʟʏ ɪʀʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴄʜᴏɪᴄᴇs. As ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴsᴇᴏ̨ᴜᴇɴᴄᴇs ᴏғ ʜɪs

ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴏᴜɴᴛ ᴜᴘ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ʜɪᴍ, ʜᴇ ғɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ʙᴇɢɪɴs ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏɴғɪᴅᴇ ɪɴ ʜᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ

sʜᴇ ᴅɪsᴄᴏᴠᴇʀs ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ sʜᴇ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ʙᴀʀɢᴀɪɴᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ.

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

𝒞𝒶𝓈𝓉

𝐾𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝑀𝑐𝑁𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑎 𝑎𝑠

Iɴᴅɪɢᴏ Sʟᴏᴀɴ

Iғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ɪs ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ, ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴀʀᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇs.

  
  
  
  
𝐵𝑜𝑏 𝑀𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑒𝑦 𝑎𝑠

Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ Bʟᴀᴋᴇ

  
  
  
Eᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴇʟsᴇ ᴀs ɴᴏʀᴍᴀʟ!

  
❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

  
Wᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: 𝑁𝑜𝑛-𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑡, 𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑢𝑎𝑔𝑒, 𝑠𝑒𝑥, 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑚, 𝑠𝑢𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑒, 𝑎𝑛𝑥𝑖𝑒𝑡𝑦,

ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠, 𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒, 𝑐𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑦/𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡, 𝑎𝑙𝑐𝑜ℎ𝑜𝑙/𝑑𝑟𝑢𝑔 𝑢𝑠𝑒.

Dɪsᴄʟᴀɪᴍᴇʀ: 𝐼 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 100 𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠. 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜

𝐾𝑎𝑠𝑠 𝑀𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑎𝑛. 𝑂𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝐼𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑔𝑜 & 𝐾𝑛𝑜𝑥 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛.

𝔻𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 [Iyssxo](https://www.wattpad.com/user/Iyssxo) 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝔹𝕖𝕥𝕒 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕤, 𝕤𝕦𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕤, 𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕦𝕤𝕤𝕖𝕤 𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕

𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝟙𝟘𝟘𝕩 𝕓𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕟 𝕚𝕥 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕓𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕞𝕖 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖.

═❖════✦══『✙』══✦════❖═


	3. Pʟᴀʏʟɪsᴛ

Iɴᴅɪᴇ's sᴏɴɢ: 𝐼'𝑚 𝐺𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑎 𝑆ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐶𝑟𝑎𝑧𝑦 - Bᴇʙᴇ Rᴇxʜᴀ

♬

1\. 𝑊𝑒 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑅𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔

Yᴏᴜɴɢʙʟᴏᴏᴅ Hᴀᴡᴋᴇ  
  
  


_2\. _ _𝑅𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑜𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒_

Iᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ Dʀᴀɢᴏɴs  
  
  


3\. 𝐼 𝑊𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝐺𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑈𝑝

Jᴀsᴏɴ Mʀᴀᴢ  
  
  


4\. 𝐶𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑃𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑑

Tᴏᴍ Oᴅᴇʟʟ  
  
  


5\. 𝑊ℎ𝑜'𝑠 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑈𝑠

Cᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ Sᴡᴇʟʟ  
  
  


6\. 𝑆𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑠

Bᴏʏᴄᴇ Aᴠᴇɴᴜᴇ  
  
  


7\. 𝑃𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑇𝑎𝑙𝑘

Bᴏʏᴄᴇ Aᴠᴇɴᴜᴇ  
  


  
8\. 𝑆𝑎𝑓𝑒 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑆𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑

Tᴀʏʟᴏʀ Sᴡɪғᴛ

9\. 𝑁𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑎𝑙

Iᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ Dʀᴀɢᴏɴs

10\. 𝐼𝑛𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑦

Jᴀʏᴍᴇs Yᴏᴜɴɢ  
  
  


11\. 𝑅𝑢𝑛 𝑇𝑜 𝑌𝑜𝑢

Lᴇᴀ Mɪᴄʜᴇʟᴇ  
  
  


12\. 𝐺𝑟𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑦

Aʟᴇx & Sɪᴇʀʀᴀ  
  
  


13\. 𝐻𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑐𝑘

Dᴜᴀ Lɪᴘᴀ

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖


	4. Lɪғᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ Sᴋʏʙᴏx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dᴜʀɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ Sᴋʏʙᴏx, Iɴᴅɪɢᴏ ғᴏʀᴍᴇᴅ ᴀ ᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴏᴜs ғʀɪᴇɴᴅsʜɪᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ғᴇʟʟᴏᴡ ᴏᴜᴛᴄᴀsᴛ Oᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ Bʟᴀᴋᴇ, ᴛʜᴇ ɢɪʀʟ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ғʟᴏᴏʀ. Aᴛ ғɪʀsᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴅᴇᴘᴀʀᴛᴜʀᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴘᴘʀᴇssɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Aʀᴋ ᴡᴀs ᴀ ʙʟᴇssɪɴɢ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴏ̨ᴜɪᴄᴋʟʏ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇʟʏ ᴏɴ Iɴᴅɪɢᴏ's ᴋᴇᴇɴ sᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴀʟ ɪɴsᴛɪɴᴄᴛs. Tʜᴇ 100 sᴛʀᴜɢɢʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀʟʟᴇɴɢᴇs ᴏғ Eᴀʀᴛʜ ᴡʜɪʟsᴛ Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ sᴛʀɪᴠᴇs ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ ᴛᴇᴇɴᴀɢᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ʜɪs ɪʀʀᴇsᴘᴏɴsɪʙʟᴇ ᴀᴛᴛɪᴛᴜᴅᴇ ғᴜᴇʟs ᴄᴏɴsᴛᴀɴᴛ ᴄᴏɴғʟɪᴄᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ Iɴᴅɪɢᴏ. Tʜᴇɪʀ ᴏɴʟʏ sʜᴀʀᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛ ɪs ɪɴ ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛɪɴɢ Oᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ᴀɴᴅ Iɴᴅɪɢᴏ ʙᴇɢɪɴs ᴛᴏ sᴜsᴘᴇᴄᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴀ ᴅᴇᴇᴘᴇʀ ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴛᴏ Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ's sᴇᴇᴍɪɴɢʟʏ ɪʀʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴄʜᴏɪᴄᴇs. As ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴsᴇᴏ̨ᴜᴇɴᴄᴇs ᴏғ ʜɪs ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴏᴜɴᴛ ᴜᴘ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ʜɪᴍ, ʜᴇ ғɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ʙᴇɢɪɴs ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏɴғɪᴅᴇ ɪɴ ʜᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴇ ᴅɪsᴄᴏᴠᴇʀs ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ sʜᴇ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ʙᴀʀɢᴀɪɴᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ.

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Jᴏɪɴ Oʀ Dɪᴇ (ғʟᴀsʜʙᴀᴄᴋs ғʀᴏᴍ S3 ᴇᴘ 13)

According to the novels and vids, humanity had dreamed of going to space for generations. The reality of life in a space station has, however, not met the expectation. When the Earth declared nuclear war on each other, our ancestors watched from their separate ships in horror as the planet beneath them burned. In order to survive the 100 years it would take for the planet to become habitable again, they joined together to create a single station and due to the makeshift nature of its creation, it needed constant work to remain functioning. 

To combat the limited amount of supplies and oxygen, laws were put into place which created an environment that few are able to thrive in. A council was elected to lead the population, and it was decided that crimes of any kind would be punishable by death. This left an entire generation of children parent-less from desperate acts such as stealing sorely needed medication. The only mercy was imprisonment pending trial if the perpetrator is under eighteen years of age, resulting in an entire wing of young people in a death row environment, praying for a pardon once they reached the age for review, instead of a death sentence.

I’d been in the system for two years now and was approaching my eighteenth birthday. There was something freeing about knowing that my end was approaching, and I’d become frank when discussing the future. Since being locked up, most of the others in the prison avoided me, considering me to be more dangerous than them due to the severity of my crime, but it had never bothered me. I had a single friend, who in my isolating time behind locked doors had become my only remaining family. She was also shunned by most of the others, due to a lack of socialising prior to her arrest and so we clung together for dear life. 

I had taken it upon myself to protect her. This translated into spending a great deal of time trying to toughen her up and hone her survival instincts. I was confident that at the end of her sentence, she would be released into the general population, unlike myself. For my own peace of mind, I needed to know that she was capable of taking care of herself when I was no longer around, especially until her sentence was completed. She reluctantly absorbed my teachings, revealing that she wanted greater independence and later admitting that her older brother Bellamy had always protected her in her youth.

We sat in the prison cafeteria across the table from each other, cackling at a series of terrible jokes.

“Okay, you have to fuck an inmate to save your life, who do you choose?” Octavia observed me over the table with a face full of mischief, something I had grown accustomed to in her company. Her light hazel eyes sparkled from the earlier laughter and I tried to commit the way she looked at this moment to memory. Her long, walnut brown hair was like smooth honey that dripped over her shoulders, framing her pretty face. She had long, thick lashes which batted coyly at me as she awaited an answer and I envied the natural beauty that kept her glamorous even in prison. It helped that her skin glowed a warm, tawny beige colour that implied she had caught the sun despite living in space. 

“Oh that’s terrible!” I hissed, as I subtly scanned the crowded cafeteria with it’s overflowing tables and not for the first time, felt relieved that we were isolated from the others on our own table. “I choose death.” I answered with a deadpan tone and she rolled her eyes at my reaction. 

In my mind, I knew that choosing wouldn’t be the issue in this hypothetical situation, but rather finding someone who was willing to do the deed with me. I wouldn’t describe myself as unattractive, but compared to Octavia I was a scrawny weirdo with dark circles and a menacing expression. It hardly made me the first choice, even within the limited numbers of prisoners. Octavia slapped my arm in annoyance and the contact snapped me from my thoughts. 

“Cop out!” She gasped. She scrutinised the surrounding inmates thoughtfully before speaking again and I had the dreadful feeling that she was seeking a match for me. “You know, I really would’ve thought Murphy would catch your eye.” She turned back to face me with a suggestive wink and I had to remind myself that she hadn’t intended to be offensive.

I glanced past her to the miscreant in question, only to discover that he was thoroughly engrossed in his usual exaggerated activity of arrogant humour to amuse his table of inmates. His medium length brunette hair sat at his cheekbones, only further exaggerating his sharp features. He was a troublemaker with a stinking attitude that made him popular amongst the more devious of the prisoners and everything about his demeanour got under my skin. He noticed me studying him, causing his face to fall into an egotistical smile and I felt my stomach flip at the sight. In all honesty, most of the time even catching sight of him made me irritated and I could consider my day a success if I managed to avoid any of our snarky interactions.

“Why?” I groaned, equally bemused and insulted by her comment. I couldn’t imagine how she had paired us in her mind, especially as I’d never given an indication to my preferences. Thought I’d sooner die than admit it, we had quite a lot in common but she knew as well as I that I couldn’t stand him. 

“I don’t know…he’s tough, resourceful…a little alternative” She spoke with an amused tone as she attempted to justify her logic and I could tell from her expression that she knew she had made a mistake in mentioning him. For a moment, I suspected that she might have misinterpreted my disdain for him as sexual tension and almost gagged at the very idea.

“And that’s all of my requirements is it?” I replied teasingly as she squirmed in her seat in embarrassment and I chuckled under my breath. My flame red hair reached my waist, other than the left side which was shaved up to the side parting and this style choice seemed to label me as the alternative girl in almost all social circles. Despite my best efforts to tame it, it always appeared wind swept, which I suspected stemmed from the slight curl that was natural in my locks and this volume only added to the punk reputation. My complexion was a pale, fawn shade that I felt closer resembled a corpse beside Octavia’s natural glow. The bright red of my hair clashed wonderfully with my cool complexion and Octavia often complimented me on the way that it drew focus to the lagoon blue of my eyes. “I understand your train of thought somewhat, even if I am disgusted by it.” I conceded with a grimace and I noticed that she dropped some of the tension she had been holding. “He does come across as the survivor type…but he’s also an attention-seeking, hot-headed idiot.” I clarified, rolling my eyes as his table cheered in response to some dramatics of his and only further confirmed my negative impression of him. Octavia seemed put out by disinterest, pouting like a child whose parents refused to engage in their games. 

“Well, there must be someone?” She stated with a hint of exasperation as she surveyed me with a hint of disbelief and I didn’t hesitate at all before answering. 

“No, no one. There never has been. If you didn’t notice, there’s not exactly the greatest selection of guys on the Ark.” I explained, as I tried not to feel insecure about this confession. I directed my attention to my hands, which I wrung together awkwardly on the table to avoid the surprised expression that I was sure that she wore. It was uncomfortable for me to discuss attraction. I didn’t know why I hadn’t ever felt it or what I was looking for. I’d fallen into the habit of avoiding it, instead focusing my efforts on survival as my father had always encouraged and mostly expected that it was my realistic, driven attitude that negated any suggestion of romance.

“Have you ever thought…” She began with a teasing smirk that I knew could only mean that some sort of mockery was coming and raised my brows at her in anticipation. “That you might be just a_ little _ bit gay? I mean I know you love me to death, maybe that’s a hint.” She displayed bashful behaviour as she spoke and I was impressed at the standard of her acting. I snorted in laughter and hit her playfully. 

“Well, there’s never been anyone female _ either _, so I don’t think it’s that.” I laughed heartily and felt myself relax at her easy-going response to my embarrassing revelation. In my mind, I had always imagined that if I told anyone how I felt, they would either laugh or think that there was something wrong with me. Instead, Octavia responded to this new discovery about me with understanding, as she always did and it gave me a sense of peace to find that my expectations had been incorrect. “Anyway, how about you? It’s your question, so you must have an answer in mind?” I enquired without considering the question and even as the words left my mouth I dreaded the answer.

“Oh, that’s hard, there’s so much choice!” She crooned as she glanced around with wide, interested eyes and I felt my stomach drop. Octavia had always been painfully interested in the male population and I lived in fear of the day that she became involved with some brainless pretty boy who I would have to begrudgingly interact with to keep her happy.

“God, you’re actually serious.” I groaned in disappointment, having hoped that she would indicate she was joking but she continued to examine the options with a conflicted expression. For a moment, I allowed my face to fall into my hands in exasperation, feeling as if I’d completely lost hope but I quickly returned my gaze to her for an answer.

“I mean, Atom’s not bad.” She winked back over her shoulder at me and I rolled my eyes. Atom was a prime example of the beefcake with a hint of self obsession that Octavia was drawn to, with his perfectly styled hair and confident manner of holding himself. “But, how would I ever choose just one!” She spoke with such authenticity that it disturbed me and I felt a new level of terror forming in my stomach at her statement.

“See, this is why I worry about you.” I declared with stress in my voice, as I pictured her cycling through a selection of unsuitable partners in my mind and a shudder ran down my spine. “Apart from the fact that there are multiple people in this dump that you’d consider, the fact that Atom is your first suggestion is deeply concerning.” I clarified with a tangible sense of disapproval and Octavia simply shrugged carelessly at my criticism, clearly unaffected by it after almost a year of enduring it. She continued assessing her options for the situation eagerly, wearing the kind of expression that you would expect to see at an all you can eat buffet. The fear struck me that the idea of hooking up with an inmate wasn’t as hypothetical as she first implied and I tried my chances at a more sensible suggestion for her. “What about Jasper?” I attempted to speak in a casual tone, but wasn’t sure that I had successfully managed to disguise my interest in this pairing. Octavia turned in her seat to face me and raised a single brow in suspicion. 

“What _ about _ Jasper?” She remarked with an immediate lilt of scepticism as she scrutinised me and my mind rushed with panic, as I considered how I could make use of the opportunity to discuss him without seeming as if I had an ulterior motive. 

“I mean, he’s cute in that dorky, skinny kind of way.” I smiled as I spoke and she regarded me as if she were awaiting some kind of punchline. “He also seems nice, the kind of guy that would be good to you. Unlike any of these jock types you’re always staring at.” I argued in the hope that I didn’t sound condescending, but I couldn’t keep my annoyance at her taste in men from seeping into my words. She rolled her eyes in a bored manner and I felt like a prudish mother scolding her rebellious daughter.

“It sounds like _ you _ like him.” She retorted with a sly smile, attempting to turn the tables on the conversation but I remained determined.

“I do like him...as a person. He seems kind and fun.” I confirmed with a shrug and I knew in an instant that she was disappointed that she had failed to fluster me with her insinuation. “Plus, I think he kinda likes you.” I teased, careful to keep the suggestion light and she cringed at my words, much to my annoyance. “He’s someone I could trust to look after you once I’m-“ 

“Don’t say gone!” I started to justify my suggestion and Octavia sharply cut me off. “You have got to stop talking about death, Indigo! You don’t know that they’ll float you. You just have to wait until your review comes and have faith.” She spoke with evident frustration and I shivered at the mention of the method they used to execute us. In an effort to waste as little supplies as possible, the council had taken the decision to launch criminals from the airlock to suffocate in the vacuum of space; we referred to this as floating. I took her hands over the table in a silent apology and sighed deeply. 

“Octavia, I _ killed _ a man...a guard of all people. They’re not going to pardon me for that.” I detailed firmly and I couldn’t help feeling annoyed that she was still fighting me over this. It was painfully evident to me that this was a fate I would be unable to escape and although I was not fond of considering it, I had come to accept that it would happen. Once I had accepted it, I was able to focus on more important things, like preparing Octavia but her insistence on believing that I would be pardoned prevented me from reaching her.

“He was raping your mother!” She exclaimed in an outburst of fury, before quickly lowering her voice again. “They might show mercy considering the circumstances.” She muttered, wearing a guilty expression following raising her voice, but I smiled reassuringly at her. I wasn’t ashamed of the events that led to my arrest, nor did I consider them a secret. Most of the other inmates knew that I was here for murder, I was sure it was the cause of their avoidance of me but I wasn’t convinced that most of them knew the whole story. I didn’t like to think about what stories had likely been invented about me.

“The circumstances are that I should have told someone and trusted the council to deal with things, instead of taking the law into my own hands. That is what they will see.” I spoke resolutely and tried to convey an air of calm in the hope that it would pass on to her. My deeply ingrained distrust and hatred for council niggled at me under the facade, but I was determined to guide her into accepting that my actions were unwise.

“Trust the council!” She spat in an outraged manner, slamming her fist on the table and struggling to maintain her emotions. “The council would never have believed you! They think their guards are incorruptible.” She growled as her anger only seemed to build throughout her words and she pulled away from me in her frustration. The distance between us felt like miles over the table, but I’d become accustomed to this feeling whenever we discussed the future. I sighed in an attempt to de-escalate the conversation and softened my voice . 

“Maybe so, but this way hasn’t been any better has it?” I suggested, and she glanced up at me with her brows deeply furrowed. “I’m in prison awaiting execution, my mother killed herself, the guard is dead…it’s just a whole load more death.” I clarified, listing the points in an unbiased manner and she huffed in response. We sat in silence for several moments whilst she absorbed my analysis and I tapped my leg under the table nervously. I hated the feeling of tension between us, but I couldn’t ignore the pressure that my birthday approaching caused. I needed her to absorb the lessons that I had only learned too late and I was willing to endure many tense moments required for her to understand.

“Well, it’s better that you fought.” She crossed her arms in annoyance and I couldn’t help slight amusement as I witnessed her behaving like a stroppy teenager, before being overwhelmed by her indignant attitude.

“Don’t be naïve. More lives were unnecessarily lost because of my actions. If I’d thought instead of following my emotions my mum would still be here.” I snapped for a moment and her eyes widened at the same time as mine. I took a deep breath and calmed myself down, following my words with an apologetic smile. “You need to know when to fight and when to find an alternative. And that’s why I’m scared for you Tavi.” I advised in a gentler tone.

“I’m not a child.” She growled as her face turned dark with anger and I knew that I had pushed her too hard. It was unusual for her to respond in anger to anything that I said, but anytime that I became too condescending in my rants, it would usually result in a defensive annoyance that made it impossible to reach her.

“I know. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to treat you like one.” I sighed apologetically as I acknowledged that this was an ongoing source of frustration for her, after being coddled by her older brother throughout her childhood. “There’s not much time left until my review, Octavia. I need to know that you’re going to be okay.” I spoke softly, feeling the weight of my care for her pressing into my words and as our eyes met across the table, some of the tension gradually faded away. Silently, we acknowledged our care for one another and I found myself wishing that we could’ve met under happier circumstances.

“Of course I am.” She finally smiled and leaned forward to squeeze my hand over the cool surface. “Because when I get out, you’re going to be waiting for me.” She added in a determined voice and I sighed in defeat. I’d lost track of the time that I’d spent attempting to prepare her and I couldn’t seem to get the reality of the situation through to her. Only three weeks remained until my birthday, when I would have to face the inevitability of my death and I was terrified that I would walk to the airlock with nothing but worry for Octavia filling my mind. Suddenly, the guards flooded into the room in force and I felt my spine straighten at the unusual display. 

“Inmates! You will be transported to another facility. Everyone will be searched. Line up against the wall!”

We all pressed against the wall willingly, fearful that we would be forcibly pinned otherwise and I remained protectively close to Octavia. We held a panicked conversation with just our eyes as the guards made their way down the line, checking all of the inmates for any home made weapons or threats. They then surrounded us with deeply intimidating and led through the empty halls of lockup. Eventually, we arrived at a small room that vaguely resembled a makeshift classroom and were ordered inside in a single file. Parting from Octavia even for a few moments felt gut wrenching in such an unexpected situation and the moment that she arrived in the room behind me, I grabbed her hand to lead her to a set of seats protectively.

“Welcome to Earth skills.”

***

Just under two weeks had passed since we started the classes and true to their instruction, we were moved daily from the canteen to the classroom. All of the lessons revolved around Earth, the environment and survival skills. My instincts were prickled by this bizarre development and I fell into a state of near constant panic, as I tried to anticipate a threat that I couldn’t predict. The looming date of my birthday had fallen behind my fear of this sudden change to our routine and I sensed in my gut that something was coming.

Whilst in my cell, I obsessed over potential scenarios and began working out daily in an effort to burn off all of the nervous energy that flooded my system. I also practiced hand to hand combat more frequently than ever before and was already starting to feel an improvement in my technique and strength. No matter how much information I took into account, I couldn’t settle on a theory of what the impending threat was, but I was determined to take every precaution I could conceive of to prepare to escape from it with Octavia. 

Despite my desperate attempts to prepare her too, she constantly labelled me as paranoid and warned me that if I continued acting so erratically, I would draw the attention of the guards. She mentioned in passing that she found the classes to be a good distraction and though I was frustrated by her ignorance of my suspicions, I understood her perspective. Having spent her childhood either hidden under the flooring of her mother's quarters or trapped in the single room for fear of discovery, she had never attended school and this was an opportunity for her to capture the feeling of this experience.

Though I sympathised with her, I couldn’t allow her to simply relax into the sessions and as I continued to barrage her with reminders that we were in danger, she became increasingly frustrated with me. She was baffled that I couldn’t give her a reason why the classes were bad, or a theory as to what was coming. Almost to spite me, she decided that they were a positive change and that if I were included in them, this was a good sign. After all, why would they invest time into teaching someone that they were planning on executing in a few weeks? This question bothered me the most and I became convinced that they were planning some terrible fate for us. I marched into the cafeteria lunch the next day with a theory at last and dropped into my usual seat opposite Octavia with enthusiasm. 

“They’re sending us there!” I hissed under my breath as I leaned in close to ensure that I wasn’t overheard and her face quickly changed from hopeful, to disappointed as she realised the cause of my improved mood.

“Sending us where?” She groaned with a blank expression and her irritation with my obsessive behaviour was evident in her voice. Though I was hurt by her blatant disinterest, it was not enough to prevent my protective nature from spurring me on.

“Earth.” I whispered insistently, as if it were an obvious conclusion and her eyes grew wide as I spoke. “Just think about it: all of the classes have focused on Earth and survival skills, why would they teach us that? They’ve barely invested any time into teaching us about Earth before, because it would all be just theory. They don’t actually know what it’s like down there. Plus we’re not the generation that will pioneer going home, so why teach us now? We’re prisoners Octavia, we’re the most dispensable. They’re going to use us as goddamn guinea pigs!” I revealed my well formed theory in a fluster and Octavia stared at me in open-mouthed shock. For a moment, I thought that I had finally convinced her and that her horror was in response to the dishonesty of the council in this conspiracy.

“Fuck! You’ve actually cracked Indie.” She breathed in disbelief and I grumbled with frustration. “All of this time you’ve been unstable, but this panic over your review has finally cracked you. We’re not going anywhere! _ You’re _ going to be set free and then we’re going to enjoy our freedom together once I get out, so just stop this nonsense!” She slammed her fist against the table as she spoke in an effort to shock me out of my madness, but I simply continued to stare at her with a tired expression. 

Before I could pose any further arguments, we were rounded up for class and I had to bury my suspicions for another time. As I entered the classroom I felt uneasy, noticing that something indescribable in the atmosphere felt wrong. I sat close to Octavia and my body language was guarded. Our instructor Pike hadn’t arrived yet and the class quickly fell into a relaxed social space. People moved chairs and gathered into small groups to chat, all of them oblivious to the constant terror that pressed down on me. I noticed Murphy sitting with his head back, staring at the ceiling in a dramatic display of boredom.

“All right. Can we just get out of here, seriously.” He stood as he spoke, drawing the attention of the room as he usually loved to do and I shook my head at the easily gained interest of the prisoners. As far as I was concerned, unless he was about to divulge a plan to release us all from lockup and ensure our safety, there was nothing that Murphy could do to garner my concentration.

“You got better things to do Murphy?” A blonde girl spoke up, squinting at him with irritation and I was pleased to discover that I was not the only inmate who was immune to his charms. I hadn’t noticed her sitting with him before, so assumed that she wasn’t one of his cronies and watched eagerly in anticipation for her to remind him of his place.

“Oh, is that an offer McIntyre?” Murphy strode over to her confidently and my stomach lurched with disgust. I remembered Octavia’s previous insinuations and turned to roll my eyes at her with an easily discernible offence. She easily understood exactly which conversation I was referring to as she shrugged and flashed me an apologetic smile.

“You’re an epic dick, Murphy.” McIntyre cringed away from him, echoing the sentiment of most of the class. This simple denial unfortunately wasn’t enough to stop him from leaning over to ruffle her hair though and the few cronies of his that were in this class applauded his bravado, much to my annoyance. Octavia fidgeted in frustration, holding her hands to her forehead in a stressed manner and I focused in on her with a concerned look. Before I could question her, my attention was caught by Pike rushing into the room and loudly closing the door behind him. 

“Everybody, take your seats. Now!” I jumped at his sharp tone and felt myself stiffen in response. His behaviour and movements were aggressive and it was a stark contrast to his usual relaxed attitude, which set me immediately on edge. “I’m sure all of you will be glad to know that we are officially done talking about Earth skills.” He confirmed, causing my stomach to flip and my mind raced as I realised that this rendered t my earlier theory redundant. Inwardly, I cursed at reaching another deadend and knew that I did not have the time available to waste on mistakes.

“Oh great, in that case-” Murphy got to his feet and strolled carelessly away from his abandoned seat, before he was firmly interrupted by Pike.

“Sit down.” Pike ordered, sounding more commanding than he had in any other class and Murphy slowly turned to face him, but did not return to his seat. Pike sighed, before approaching Murphy slowly and with a visible display of disapproval. “How would you feel about assisting me with today’s lesson Mr.Murphy?” He suggested in a manner that made me shiver with apprehension and I observed him closely.

“Sign me up.” Murphy shrugged in a disinterested manner. The moment that he responded, Pike punched him swiftly in the face and several other students gasped in shock. I jumped in my seat and found myself priming to charge at the teacher, whilst the rest of the inmates visibly tensed. Once he had recovered, Murphy turned to face him with an aggravated voice. “What the hell was that for-” 

This time Pike didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence before striking him across the face again. When Murphy straightened up from the second attack, his body language had changed. He shrugged in a carefree manner, holding his hands up to him in surrender before returning to his seat. My heart beat rapidly in my chest and I struggled to remain calm whilst everyone else watched in startled silence. It seemed that Pike was not done with his abuse though, as he followed Murphy to his seat and lowered himself to get in his face. 

“I know all about you John Murphy.” He spoke in a low, antagonising manner that chilled my blood and I was deeply uncomfortable with the manner that he addressed the significantly younger man. There was a degree of intimidation in his manner that I knew was intentional and though I’d never experienced any level of care for Murphy, this behaviour felt completely unjustified. 

“Ah, you do huh?” Murphy tried to speak in his usual arrogance, but I could sense that his confidence was forced now and his submission only further sparked my anger with Pike.

“Yeah I do. Mother drank herself to death after your father was floated for stealing medicine to save you. That’s a tough road to hoe, I’ll give you that.” Pike straightened up and turned to face the rest of the class, raising his voice to be heard. “So what does he do with the second chance his father gave his life to buy for him? Wasted it, setting the arresting officers quarters on fire.” He announced to the enthralled class I didn’t appreciate the way that he divulged Murphy’s story. Our histories were not a beneficial lesson to be exposed without our consent and I felt a flare of disgust at his inappropriate tactics. 

“Are you going to make a show and tell of all our misfortunes, or just those of us who don’t respect you?” I blurted before I could contain my words, causing Octavia to nudge me sharply in disapproval. “Cause if that’s the case, you’d better do me next, you sanctimonious shit.” Pike glared over his shoulder at me with only the slightest hint of annoyance, viewing me as little more than a nuisance and I stared back at him with a revolted expression. He returned his attention to Murphy, closing into his personal space again and holding his hands out in a luring manner. 

“Say something.” He taunted with his face painfully close to his and Murphy slowly raised his face to him with a smug smile. Pike whacked him again, with significantly more force than the first time and Murphy grunted out in pain. I felt myself start in my seat, ready to spring into action to deal with Pike but Octavia put a firm hand on my thigh to pin me to the chair and stared at me with a stern warning. A couple of the guys at the back of the class were on their feet, but everyone remained pinned in place with shock. I met Octavia’s eyes in disbelief as she silently begged me to withstand it. 

“Do something!” Pike urged Murphy in a maniacal tone and I glimpsed back over to find that Murphy had recovered from the impact to survey his attacker coolly. He leaned to one side to spit fresh blood onto the classroom floor and I struggled to contain my temper at the outrageous actions that I was witnessing. 

“You know, I get it, trying to teach us to fight back.” Murphy spoke in a remarkably calm manner and I found a new respect for him as he demonstrated better self control than I’d ever possessed. I had never known the reason for his arrest and had shown little interest in his background, but now it had been revealed to me, I found myself relating to him more than I could ever have imagined. I could feel myself growing furious at the way that Pike had felt justified to use Murphy’s difficult upbringing in some poorly judged demonstration to the class and I knew in my gut that I couldn’t watch much more.

“Wrong.” Pike answered coldly and pulled Murphy roughly from his seat by the collar of his jacket. He threw him against the netting at the back of the class and hit him solidly in the gut. Murphy wheezed as he fell forward and I suddenly sensed movement to my side.

“Stop it!” Octavia was now on her feet yelling at them and had finally freed me from her hesitant grip, wordlessly permitting me to intervene.

In the same chaotic moment, Pike threw Murphy to the ground, scattering chairs in his wake and I leapt to my feet before I could consider my actions. I threw myself onto Pike’s back and wrapped my arms around his throat as hard as I could. Pike was swinging around wildly and Jasper’s voice stubbornly demanded that he leave Murphy alone over the commotion. Maintaining my focus detaining Pike as he attempted to throw me off, I strained to choke him enough to bring him down and soon realised that I did not possess the strength required to combat such a large opponent. I could hear that he was mildly struggling for air, but I couldn’t force enough pressure to slow him down. From nowhere, he thrashed anew and I lost my grip, flying from his shoulders and into another inmate that had been mounting an attack of their own. 

“No one is coming to help you! No one is coming to help any of you!” Pike cried in a frantic manner and stomped towards Murphy like an unstoppable force. Wheezing from the impact of being thrown to the ground in an effort to recover, I noticed one of the female inmates screaming and pounding against the classroom door in the corner of my eye. At that moment I realised that it was locked and that we were trapped in here with this hysterical man. 

I heard Murphy cry out in desperation and snapped my attention to witness Pike throwing him over a table. With another surge of anger I sprang back to my feet, running at Pike in a blind fury. Unexpectedly, he spun around just as I verged on reaching him and his fist collided with my face. I twisted and instead of slamming into the ground as expected, I landed into a set of scrawny arms. 

“Are you alright?” I peeked up to meet Jasper’s nervous smile and he supported me to my feet, before throwing himself at Pike. He bounced off with practically no impact, but gave enough distraction for Murphy to get to his feet and hit Pike back for the first time. Unfortunately, it made practically no difference and Pike hardly seemed to notice it.

“Is that all you got?” He taunted, before grabbing Murphy’s shirt and slamming him against the wall. “It’s gonna take more than the kids from your own station to save you.” He twisted around and threw Murphy onto the table, pinning him down with overpowering strength. The young girl was still screaming and banging against the door for help, but I knew in my gut that help would not come soon enough for Murphy. I turned to catch several guys, including Jasper, crowding Pike in an attempt to pull him from his brutal assault and forced myself into the fray again, yanking at Pike with all of my strength. 

“Don’t you see? This is life or death!” He screamed maniacally and I realised with horror that he had begun to choke Murphy. Another male inmate hurried over with a wrench and whacked Pike over the head with it, finally succeeding in ending his reign of terror. I rushed over to help Murphy to his feet and as I lifted his battered body from the table, the door burst open with a crash. A cluster of guards flooded inside, led by Councillor Kane who wore an indignant expression as he scanned us suspiciously. 

“About damn time!” I exclaimed they surged inside, but they simply stormed past us with disinterest and focused on assessing Pike, already convinced that he was the victim in this bizarre attack. Whilst they were distracted, I took a moment to check Murphy over but he shook me off aggressively and it seemed that our brief cooperation was already over. Kane surveyed the group of us with confusion, as we crouched in various forms of exhaustion, panting from our experience. 

“Are you out of your minds? What is this?!” He barked in an incredulous manner and several traumatised inmates jumped at the sharp sound.

“This is graduation.” Pike painted cryptically and glanced around as if he were analysing each of our performances. “Congratulations, class dismissed.” He declared with an air of finality, before exiting the room and leaving us all speechless.


	5. Rᴇᴛᴜʀɴɪɴɢ Hᴏᴍᴇ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Pɪʟᴏᴛ

The night was restless, as I turned constantly in my bed and drummed my fingers with anxiety. My eighteenth birthday was two days away and Pike’s words rang around in my mind as I became fixated on understanding their meaning. My eye throbbed, surrounded by deep purple bruising from his forceful punch. The hours dragged by in torment as I stared at the ceiling and frantic thoughts ricocheted in my mind. I’d considered everything that we had been taught, every word that the guards had spoken to us recently and in desperation, began including any shred of information that I could count as a potential clue. Time was running short and I felt an impending need to ensure that Octavia was adequately prepared for whatever new threat loomed, before my sentencing was carried out. 

A commotion in the hall disturbed me from my nightmare filled sleep and an unusual amount of footsteps rang through the space. My cell door swung open to reveal several guards and I jumped to my feet defensively, positioning myself near the furthest wall to allow myself as much time as possible to comprehend what was happening.

“Prisoner 189, Sloan. Come with us.” 

The leading spoke in an authoritative manner, reading from a list and I stared at them in horror. Another guard took a step toward me and I slid further along the wall, out of their reach. Octavia’s concerned shouts carried through the dense cell walls, as she demanded that they informed her where they were taking me and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. 

“My hearing isn’t for another two days.” I stated adamantly, as I glimpsed between them nervously and wracked my brain for any ideas. As panic overruled my senses, I failed to conceive of any course of action that could prevent them from executing me earlier and despite feeling resigned to my fate until now, a fierce determination to survive coursed through me. My brows furrowed together with anger as the uniformed man cornered me and I stubbornly refused to be forcibly removed from my role as Octavia’s protector in the midst of such uncertainty.

“Settle down in there Blake!” 

A frustrated yell carried from the hall, immediately followed by a fist pounding on her metal door insistently. The sharp tones of Octavia’s arguments continued regardless and the man who gripped the list rolled his eyes in annoyance, as if our reaction to imminent execution was unreasonable. Strong hands gripped around my forearm, but I resisted with as much strength as I could muster and was surprised when my captor struggled to move me. There was a clanging sound that echoed through the wall, repeating in regular intervals and I realised that Octavia had begun charging against her door in a bid to not be ignored.

“No! Don’t take her!” The pitch of her objections only revealed her terror and it made my stomach lurch with the reality of the situation.

Reinforcements quickly arrived to snatch my other arm and although I dug my heels in as best I could on the smooth flooring, I couldn’t resist their combined strength. In pure desperation, I reached out to grab anything that I could potentially use as leverage but my boots slid effortlessly along the ground and I was gracelessly dragged into the hall. Octavia’s screeching was clearer now and I realised that a frustrated guard stood outside her door with his hands on his hips.

“Grab the loud one. She’s causing a panic.” One of the men who strained my wriggling form barked over to the guard at Octavia’s door and he nodded in acknowledgement with an amused smile. It was sickening to witness them responding to our panic as if it were entertaining, treating our lives as little more than deadweight to be stripped from the ship, leaving only the deserving to inherit the remaining resources.

“No!” I screamed as I surged into thrashing against them with a renewed motivation. I kicked my legs into the air and threw myself in every direction, howling in outrage. The guards visibly strained to battle me now, but I still couldn’t prevent them from hauling me unceremoniously along the corridor. “She didn’t do anything! Leave her alone!” I snarled with a protective fury that burned from my chest, watching as the door swung open and Octavia flew out, sprawling out onto the ground from the unexpected release.

Heaving me with evident difficulty, I passed her with no ability to intervene in her treatment and as I stared back at her over my shoulder with regretful eyes, she attempted to run after me. The grip on my right arm released, as one of my minders stepped back to assist with the commotion that Octavia was causing and seizing the opportunity, I kneed the remaining man between the legs. 

I sprinted toward her and tackled the first guard I reached to the ground. There was too much fury flooding my brain for me to form any kind of plan and instead I lashed out with all of my pent-up rage against the corrupted system that had incarcerated us. My attacks were sloppy and ill-practiced, and I did not possess the power required to overcome the countless guards who swarmed us. I recognised the telltale crackle of the shock baton a moment too late and electricity coursed through me causing my legs to buckle. 

“Don’t fight, Tavi!” I pleaded as I watched her tear streamed face and was relieved when she finally stopped struggling. In a perilous attempt to draw their attention from her, I struggled back to my feet and began swinging wildly at anyone in the immediate area. Several batons lit up in response to my aggression and once I felt that I had caused enough trouble to make Octavia look compliant by comparison, I held my hands up in defeat. “Alright, I’ll stop! I’ll go willingly, just let her go.” I offered between exhausted pants.

Without warning, I was struck again with the burning impact of the baton and then immediately slammed against the wall. There was an unnecessary amount of guards gathered to apprehend one 5’2 girl, I felt, as they navigated my hands into a set of cuffs to ensure that I couldn’t cause any further chaos. My face was crushed forcefully against the cold of the wall and I flinched in shock as something pinched into the skin on my wrist. Before I could question it, they pulled me back and I was flipped to around to witness Octavia being cuffed too.

“There are no deals, inmate. You’re all being taken.” The guard nearest to me sneered and I stared back at them with wide, horror filled eyes. They marched us through the halls to join an intimidatingly long queue of prisoners standing in single file and Octavia was placed ahead of me so that they could continue to contain me between a hoard of guards. Several of the other captives glanced back at me in disbelief and I noticed that everyone else seems to be cooperating with little monitoring required. I turned to regard my security detail with an amused smile.

“You know, I don’t have super powers. I’m not gonna bust out and beat the hell out of you. No matter how much I might wish that I could.” I drawled with humour coating my words but they simply stared back at me with unimpressed expressions. One of them was rapidly developing a black eye and I felt my knuckles aching on the fist that had placed there.

“After the fuss you made back in lockup, we won’t be taking our chances.” He commented in a bitter tone and I shrugged back carelessly. On the inside, I was frustrated that I had left myself no opportunity to escape whatever fate we were marched to now and could only hope that I might be able to find a loophole for Octavia.

As we neared the front of the group, I realised that we were being forced to climb a ladder with no concept of it’s destination and my stomach lurched with anxiety. Despite all of my theories, I could not understand what they were doing with us and had no alternative options but to comply with their guidance. Octavia peeked nervously back at me and I smiled back with as much reassurance as I could manage through my own fear, ushering her to go ahead. 

Once I reached the bars myself, I turned back to shake my cuffs at the guards to gesture that I would need them removed, but they simply shrugged at me and ordered me to figure it out myself. I huffed in annoyance, and as I was about to turn back to step onto the ladder, I noticed a small group of guards behind me carrying someone in a stretcher. Before I could get a better look, I was pushed ahead and began my restricted ascent into the unknown. 

I emerged into a circular, crowded chamber where a guard immediately dragged me the rest of the way inside. Most of the other inmates were already positioned against a variety of surfaces with makeshift harnesses holding them in place and some others seemed to have been gifted with seats. With confusion, I observed the construct and was finally able to reach a theory of what was happening. I whipped around to face the guard with my jaw clenched in distrust.

“No, you can’t do this! You can’t float all of us!” I hissed aggressively and without missing a beat, he simply gestured over additional guards to force me to move ahead. “There are kids here who deserve a chance. We’re entitled to a review, you can’t just dispose of us like garbage! This is wrong!” I argued as my voice rose and I’d unintentionally draw the attention of all of the prisoners. The guards simply ignored my resistance, navigating me into a harness against one of the sides of the chambers and placing a lock on the release before finally removing my handcuffs. They declined to offer any explanation, simply turning to leave the room without even a backwards glance and I felt suffocated by the tense silence that followed.

“Nice of you to join us.” A familiar voice cracked from beside me and I whipped my head over to notice that Octavia was in the next harness. I gasped in relief and her hand looped through mine, the only contact we could manage in our restriction.

“You’re alright!” I breathed, allowing all other emotions to fade beside the reassurance that she was near. She stared back at me with eyes that were red from tears and I squeezed her hand in return. “We’re gonna be okay.” I lied, hoping that I could assuage her fears, even just for a few moments but she simply scoffed at me fondly.

“I thought we were all being floated? What part of that is okay?” She muttered with an evident terror in her voice and I noticed that her hand shook slightly in mind. “We were supposed to survive our sentence, you and me. I was looking forward to hanging out with you on the Ark, introducing you to Bellamy.” She elaborated as fresh tears filled her eyes and I sighed with a heavy regret.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you that. You don’t deserve this.” I whispered as I felt my own tears forming and the lights dimmed in the room without warning. My breath hitched in my throat and I felt my heart pounding in my chest as the sound of the vessel releasing from the Ark carried over our conversation. Octavia’s breathing grew shallow and rapid, and I tried to retain control of my reactions so that I could support her. Several people cried out in panic around the small room and the atmosphere was deteriorating into chaos by the second. Instead of simply falling into space as expected, engines roared and we seemed to be piloting into a specific direction. I turned to Octavia in confusion and shook her hand to gain her attention. “Hey! We’re not falling. I don’t think they’re floating us!” I gasped and she tilted her head at me in bemusement.

“What are you talking about?! What are they doing with us?” She cried back over the deafening noise and I opened my mouth to answer, but was quickly interrupted when the entire room lurched, shaking us against our harnesses violently. “What the hell was that?” She yelled as she clung to the straps over her chest and I recalled the theory that I had first presented to her in the canteen.

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this but...I think that was probably the atmosphere.” I confessed with disbelief in myself evident in my words even as I spoke them and she regarded me with horror.

“What?!” Octavia lent around to view me and I could not form a response to defend the absurdity of my statement. “The atmosphere of _ what _?” She hissed, and before I could be pressured into formulation an answer, a screen flickered to life in the centre of the space that I hadn’t noticed before. 

“Prisoners of the Ark, hear me now.” A deep voice boomed as we were greeted by the image of our chancellor and my mouth hung open in shock. “You’ve been given a second chance and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us. Indeed for mankind itself.” He divulged and I could feel myself growing aggravated by the diplomatic manner that he presented this rather creative death sentence. “We have no idea what is awaiting you down there. If the odds of survival were better we would have sent others but frankly, we’re sending you because your crimes have made you...expendable.” He added regretfully and I cursed under my breath at his false sympathy.

“Shit! I hate to admit this, but you were right, Indie. The council is every bit as insane as you!” Octavia’s faint voice shook with terror as she spoke and I would have been offended by her comparison if I were not distracted by the life threatening situation that we’d found ourselves in. “They’re sending us to Earth.” She breathed with a mixture of exhilaration and alarm, and I stared at the screen in disbelief, unable to form any words as I comprehended the information that we had just been provided. 

“Your dad’s a dick Wells!” A voice from the other side of the ship pulled me from my trance and I fidgeted in my harness in an attempt to gain a better view. The words repeated in my mind, as I realised with confusion that someone had just addressed the Chancellor’s son, but I forced my attention back to the more pressing matter of the speech on the screen.

“If, however, you do survive, then those crimes will be forgiven, your records wiped clean.” The Chancellor’s voice rang through the chamber, with words that he must have believed were hopeful when he wrote them. Instead, they were received with disdain as several of the inmates scoffed in disgust.

“Lucky us.” Octavia spat in frustration and I felt my temper snap at the absurdity of this statement. It was clear from his wording that the entire council considered this plan a blessed opportunity. I could imagine them gathered at their table, discussing how merciful an option this was and how fortunate we were to potentially be able to reach the ground. The suggestion was all too typical of the way that Ark leadership thought and yet another example of how removed they were from the existence of the general populace. Rage bubbled in my stomach as my long standing hatred of their deceitful politics grew out of my control and I could hardly contain it any longer.

“Those selfish assholes!” I hissed under my breath as my emotions forced their way out of my mouth and I kicked against my restriction as I lashed out. “They’re sacrificing us, all of us. Those council bastards!” I snarled with a passionate hatred that surprised even myself. The ship started to quake and Octavia cried out in panic, pulling my attention from my tirade. I reached as far over to take her hand again in comfort and she clung tightly to me as if I were her only steadying point. “We’re gonna be okay Tavi, we’ve got this!” I forced a confident tone in an effort to conceal my own nerves and she regarded me as if I were insane.

“We’re in an over 100 fucking-year-old lump of space junk, falling to Earth Indigo! Now who’s being naive.” She panted in a fluster and as she spoke, she stared at me with wide panicked eyes. I forced a laugh in a foolhardy attempt to cut the tension. 

“Look at it this way: you were right, I haven’t been floated and whether we survive this landing or not, we’re both free together just like you said we would be.” I smiled jokingly but her expression didn’t change at all. There was a flurry of cheers around the ship and I noticed Finn Collins floating around in the zero gravity on the other side of the chamber. “Of course I forgot the part where we’ll be stranded with a ship full of fucking idiots.” I spat as I observed others laughing at his attention-seeking performance and could hardly believe that anyone would consider now the opportune time to be showing off.

Finn was another popular member of the prison, but unlike Murphy I didn’t particularly have a problem with him. If the rumours were true, he was arrested for wasting oxygen on an illegal spacewalk and it had made him somewhat of an icon to most of the people in the Skybox. I hadn’t ever spoken to him and although I considered him to be somewhat of an idiot, I was far more concerned about the effect that he had on the other people in the ship. He was attractive and charming, which left most of the girls desiring to impress him and the boys keen to outdo him, and I anticipated that others would follow in his reckless behaviour. There was another female voice telling others to keep their belts on from behind the main pillar in the centre of the space, but on this side of the ship I already noticed others fiddling with their clasps. 

“Hey!” I yelled in an assertive manner that drew their stares and fixed them with an intimidating scowl the moment that they met my eyes. “If you copy that moron, you’ll die alongside him! Keep your damn belts on!” I demanded with a fierce attitude and was glad to find that they obeyed. I turned back to Octavia who had gone completely white with fear and my heart ached with sympathy. Struggling against my restraints, I leaned as far over as I could and tightened the straps on her harness slightly. She gasped to indicate that it was suffocating her, but whilst I considered whether this was safe she gave a reassuring nod. “You keep that on okay?” I asserted and she nodded back without question. 

Another inmate had unbuckled just out of our sight and was now floating around the space with an amused chuckle. I opened my mouth to order him to return to his seat, but he was thrown across the room before I could get the words out, bursting open pipes which spat scalding steam from the walls. The ship shook violently and sparks burned out of the chamber casing. The surrounding inmates screamed in panic and I clung tightly to Octavia for reassurance. 

“This isn’t our time to die, Tavi! We’re gonna make it!” I yelled over the blaring sounds surrounding us and internally prayed to anyone who would listen to protect us. Octavia’s earlier words repeated in my mind and I wished that her original plans had been possible. I doubted if there was anything I wouldn’t give to have been able to finish our time in the Skybox and return to life aboard the ark together. Unfortunately, it was a vision I had never believed in and in the face of our current circumstance, I’d settle for simply remaining alive.

We seemed to free fall for what felt like a lifetime, with frantic cries filling the space and my heart hammered with an intensity that made me fear that it might actually burst through my chest. The lights flickered on and off and the harnesses could barely contain us against the force of our descent. Finally, the rockets seemed to surge to life just moments before a deafening crash and I could no longer feel the sensation of movement. We all stared at each other, frozen in a mixture of shock and hopeful relief, before Monty broke the tension. 

“Listen! No machine hum.” He called out to no one in particular and we all listened to the silence with a shared amazement. For the first time, there was nothing mechanical to fill our senses and the reality of this change was awe striking for us all.

“Woah!” Jasper’s excited voice spoke for every prisoner who basked in the luxury of this change and for just a few seconds, we shared a peaceful experience. “That’s a first.” He confirmed and I smiled at the simple enjoyment of this moment. Seeming to realise that we no longer needed to be still, everyone around us rushed to unbuckle themselves and poured to the entrance to climb down the ladder. There was a race to reach the bottom floor and I could already make out raised voices from below. Due to her fear of containment, Octavia had already ripped herself out of the belts and was attacking the lock on my buckle with flustered determination. 

“Get back, come on!” A deep, male voice carried from below and I couldn’t place who it belonged to. The clasp on my chest finally smashed open and I untangled myself from the straps with relief. “Back it up guys!” The man called out again as people crowded around the hatch and I immediately focused on pushing Octavia ahead of me to ensure that she reached the limited space in the lower level before it overfilled. 

“Stop!” The female voice who had earlier warned others to keep their belts on cried out with an air of authority and I tapped my foot impatiently as Octavia made her way down the ladder. “The air could be toxic!” She clarified threateningly and I felt uneasy the moment that Octavia was out of my sight. I paced around the hatch nervously, unsettled by the idea that there could be a threat whilst I was here and began forcing my way through the crowd.

“If the air is toxic we’re all dead anyway.” The unidentified name responded in a matter of fact tone and I shrugged in agreement. It was a morbid thought, but surviving the landing was on the first of a selection of problems that were to face us and I realised with horror that we could be about to meet our end imminently anyway.

“Bellamy?” Octavia’s voice called out, urging me to follow her. I knew that name well; she had told me endless stories about him in our time imprisoned together, but I couldn’t imagine how her brother could be here now when he hadn’t been in lockup. I pushed past anyone who stood in my way and rushed down the ladder frantically. As I emerged into the bottom floor, I was just in time to witness Octavia fighting her way over to a tall, handsome man who stood guarding the exit and glanced around to notice that the entire crowd was transfixed by them. The moment that she reached him, she embraced him excitedly and I moved closer to hear their conversation. The mouthy blonde from earlier raised her voice as she approached them and I stared at her with exasperation. 

“Hey, where’s your wristband?” She grilled Bellamy accusingly, interrupting their reunion and Octavia whirled around to face her with an annoyed expression. 

“Do you mind? I haven’t seen my brother in over a year.” She answered impatiently as she viewed her with a disapproving look and I chuckled under my breath at her well fostered attitude. On the Ark, I’d learned that if you allowed yourself to be trod on, you would not survive and this had been a lesson that I ensured to pass onto Octavia during our time locked up together. It caused me great pride to witness her standing her ground and I was pleased to see how much she had grown from the timid girl who made every effort to blend into the background.

“No one has a brother!” A voice carried from the crowd behind me and I whipped around furiously to find the source. There were too many faces staring back at me in the tight conditions of the ship and though I raised myself to my tiptoes, it was impossible to follow the direction of the sound so much smaller than everyone else.

“That’s Octavia Blake, the girl they found hidden in the floor!” A female voice shouted out this time and it was practically beside me. I turned on the spot to clock Marie, a condescending, devious prisoner who took pleasure in bullying other inmates in lockup sneering over at them with satisfaction. Octavia stepped forward to storm towards her, but her brother caught her arm to halt her and shook his head disapprovingly. Seizing the opportunity to defend her reputation in her place, I shoved into Marie aggressively and the commotion accidentally drew the attention of those immediately around us. 

“Of course, it would be the jail snake chatting shit about _ my girl _.” I spat accusingly, as I squared up to her with a challenging demeanour. I’d been tempted to deal with her the entire time that I’d been in lockup, but was unable to reach her out of view of the guards. Octavia constantly reminded me that she was not worth risking any additional restrictions for, but the situation had changed immensely now that we were unsupervised and I decided that it was important to set a president for which behaviours would not be following us from the Ark. 

“Fuck off Sloan.” Marie spat as she attempted to force a tough act, but her eyes gave her away as her nerves danced in them and I leaned in closer to intimidate her. Her face contorted into an arrogant smirk and she thinned her eyes at me to cover her vulnerability. “I’m not afraid of you, or your little floorboard rat.” She scoffed, as she moved to turn her back on me and I felt my temper surge out of my control. I snatched her arm, twisted it against her back and slammed her face into the wall with a viscous growl. She cried out in pain and I leaned in close to whisper in her ear.

“We’re not on the Ark any more, bitch. There are no guards to protect you. So I’d recommend keeping that gaping hole you call a mouth shut.” I hissed in as threateningly as I could manage and the expression on her face confirmed that I had finally managed to end her tyranny.

“**Indigo!**” Octavia yelled with her arms crossed as she caught sight of me and I released my grip on Marie reluctantly, before strolling casually over to meet the two Blake’s.

“Nothing to see here.” I drawled sarcastically, earning a sneaky smile from Octavia as I shrugged with an almost convincing innocence. “Are you alright? I rushed you down here too soon. Let me get a look at you.” I breathed as I checked her for injuries and gripped her face to turn it side to side in inspection. She acted frustrated momentarily, but once I'd been satisfied that she wasn’t hurt, she pulled me into a sudden hug. 

“We made it.” She whispered under her breath and I smiled fondly at her hopeful tone. I stepped back out of her grip, but my hands remained protectively on her shoulders for a moment longer as I basked in her relieved smile. The large man beside us cleared his throat awkwardly, and turned to face him. He towered over me, with a size difference that was frankly ridiculous and his expression was filled with curiosity as he studied me. 

“You must be the infamous Bellamy I’ve heard so much about.” I announced warmly as I met his eyes and felt a strange sense of embarrassment the moment that I did. He was taller than me by about a foot, which wasn’t unusual considering that I was only 5’2 and I couldn’t deny that he was unreasonably attractive. He had a warmer, tawny beige skin tone than Octavia and darker, medium length hair that had a natural curl to it that was obvious, even in the neatly slicked back style that he wore it in. There were freckles scattered all over his face and I followed them up to his deep-set, whisky brown eyes. He regarded me with an amused expression, before he returned his gaze to Octavia. 

“I had no idea that you had a girlfriend O.” He teased, as he glanced down at her with the hint of smirk hiding in his lips. I tilted my head at him inquisitively and was immediately impressed to find that he shared our quick wit. It was unsurprising when I considered it, I knew that Octavia must have learned it from someone.

“Bellamy!” Octavia gasped as she slapped his arm playfully and his eyes sparkled with fondness in his examination of her. “It’s not like that! We’re close. We looked after each other in the Skybox. As a matter of fact, she’s been filling in for you. I always know that she’s got my back.” She threw me a doting smile and Bellamy seemed to view me with a renewed appreciation at her endorsement. I could’ve sworn that he checked me out too and I squirmed awkwardly under his gaze. I forced a confident smile to cover my discomfort and tried unsuccessfully not to stare at him. 

“She’s been a lifeline for me. Honestly, she’s the only family I’ve got left.” I explained in an effort to confirm that I wasn’t a threat to her and his face finally softened at the genuine tone in my voice. Without acknowledging it, I could tell that we shared an interest in her wellbeing and I hoped that I had discovered an ally in him.

“I’m glad that she had someone in there.” He replied thankfully, his eyes glistening slightly as he regarded her and I smiled at the hint of protectiveness in his posture that I recognised in myself too. “Now, shall we see if we can give them something better to remember you by than the girl under the floor?” He suggested as he addressed Octavia with a conspiratory expression and I shook my head violently as I realised that I was staring at him like a mesmorising work of art.

“Like what?” Octavia tensed again at the mention of the name and I flinched sympathetically. It was hardly the most glamorous thing to be addressed by and I knew that she already carried enough trauma about her upbringing, without being constantly reminded of it but miscreants who had no right to judge her.

“Like being the first person on the ground in a hundred years?” He winked in a manner that was so charming it caught me off guard. The way that he smiled at her made my heart flutter and I was startled by the feeling, unsure what to make of it. 

He stepped towards the door slowly and I prepared myself for a million different outcomes, each varying in their degree of disaster. As soon as he opened the latch, the fresh crisp air came pouring through and we were bathed in glorious natural light. It took a few moments for our eyes to adjust, but once they had we were completely surrounded by beautiful greenery and vivid colours unlike anything I’d ever seen. Whilst everyone else absorbed the sights, Bellamy and I formed a protective barrier to allow Octavia the uninterrupted opportunity to step out first. She paused, staring out in wonder at the incredible environment and seeming to have completely forgotten the task at hand. I nudged her elbow gently and tried to prompt her to move.

“This is your moment. Go ahead” I whispered under my breath encouragingly and she smiled back at me with barely contained excitement. 

I stepped back to resume my protection of her and watched as she slowly approached the edge of the dropship. The wind blew through her hair, carrying it behind her dramatically as she gazed up at the trees and held her arms out to take a deep breath of the natural air. She hesitated one final time, before finally hopping down onto the ground, then threw her arms above her head and screamed as loud as she could manage. 

“We’re back bitches!” She howled and I couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm. I glanced to my side to witness Bellamy observing her with a warm chuckle and he suddenly seemed to sense my gaze. He turned to catch me watching him and I tore my attention away with my cheeks flushed with embarrassment. I rushed away amongst the crowd as everyone poured out of the ship into the new environment and I ran over to embrace Octavia. 

“We really did make it!” I celebrated as I focused on her to distract from the awkwardness of my interaction with Bellamy and tried not to consider the way that he made my stomach fizzle. “What do you think, Octavia, the first space-born on Earth?” I threw my arms out to praise her as I spoke and she laughed heartily in a way that I’d never seen before. It was genuine and relaxed, causing her nose to scrunch up with joy and the very sight of it made my heart swell.

“It feels like freedom, finally. And we’re sharing it together.” She smiled as she spoke and reached out to squeeze my hand. Her warmth was contagious as I stared into her elated face and realised that she was not only experiencing a greater degree of freedom, as the rest of the prisoners were, but her very first taste of it in all of her life. The moment seemed to suddenly have even greater significance and I felt a wave of appreciation that I was able to share in it with her.

“You always said that this day would come, though I doubt either of us ever imagined it here. Thanks, for never losing faith.” I replied earnestly as I assessed her and breathed a deep breath of the wonderful air with vigor. It filled my lungs with a satisfaction that felt different to the recirculated oxygen that I’d survived on until now and I felt more alive than I ever had. The others ran wildly through the trees and we observed them with laughter at the excitement around us. We were introduced to scents that no description could have prepared us for, surrounded by trees that grew strong and healthy and everything around us felt vibrant.

Suddenly, our attention was drawn by a group led by Murphy approaching the Chancellor's son Wells and the mouthy blonde from the ship. I couldn’t fathom what caused it, but a sense of dread settled in my stomach and I watched them closely for any signs of trouble. Bellamy appeared at Octavia’s side with equal concern and I kept my eyes keenly trained on the situation as I pretended not to notice him.

“We’re just trying to figure out where we are.” Wells held his hands up to Murphy as he spoke and I could feel my spine stiffen at the sight of Murphy with so many followers. There was something uncomfortably defensive in Wells’ posture and I instinctively knew that there was a battle for power beginning already.

“We’re on the ground, that’s not good enough for you?” Bellamy called over, surprising me with his immediate willingness to involve himself and I risked viewing him so that I could watch his body language closely. Although I was undoubtedly pleased for Octavia that he was here, I was yet to decide if he was an ally or enemy in keeping her safe in this new environment and this situation presented an opportunity for me to get a measure of that.

“We need to find Mount Weather. You heard my father’s message, that has to be our first priority.” Wells turned away from Murphy avoidantly and approached us instead as he spoke. I was confused as to why he chose the three of us as his first appeal and inwardly blamed Bellamy for pulling us into the situation.

“Screw your father.” Octavia’s bitter voice caught me off guard and although I was reluctant to be drawn into the conversation, I had to agree with the sentiment. “What? You think you’re in charge here? You and your little Princess?” Octavia glared at the blonde and I found myself scrutinizing her now. I was relatively certain that she was the inmate that I’d seen being carried into the dropship by stretcher, but other than that I had no idea who she was. I wondered if she was the prisoner who had been rumoured to be in solitary but couldn’t be sure, as I’d never caught a glimpse of them the entire time that I’d been in prison.

“Do you think we care who’s in charge?” She asked accusingly as she stepped forward and I continued to be displeased with her attitude. “We need to get to Mount Weather. Not because the Chancellor said so but because the longer we wait, the hungrier we’ll get and the harder this will be. How long do you think we’ll last without those supplies?” She presented, turning her attention to the crowd as a whole now and gesturing to everyone as she spoke. “We’re looking at a twenty-mile trek okay? So if we want to make it before dark, we need to leave now.” Her tone was a mixture of earnest and pleading, and although I couldn’t place exactly what it was about her that felt off, the survivalist in me agreed with her suggestions. Unless the ship had been stocked with supplies, which with my knowledge of the councils methods, I knew to be doubtful, we would not survive for long here without taking action.

“I’ve got a better idea.” Bellamy announced confidently and I had an apprehensive feeling in my gut at his tone. “You two go, find it for us. Let the privileged do the hard work for a change.” He suggested with arrogance and Octavia nodded along in agreement. I assessed the blonde closely and began to suspect that solitary confinement had been for her own protection. Several others in the crowd gathered around us called out with their agreement and I was uncomfortable at the attitude that was rapidly developing amongst the group. I opened my mouth to question how two people were supposed to carry enough food for a hundred, when Wells spoke again. 

“You’re not listening. We all need to go!” He stated in exasperation and was interrupted when Murphy pushed him from behind. It was typical of Murphy to start a fight over little to nothing and I could only imagine that the opportunity to impress in front of such a large crowd was too tempting for him to resist.

“Look everybody, Chancellor of Earth.” He sneered as he squared up to Wells and I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous display of testosterone. Bellamy and Octavia laughed, among others, but I was intensely focused on the showdown. I rolled up my sleeves in preparation to knock Murphy on his ass at the first moment that his behaviour got out of hand, unwilling to allow another bully to grow confident mere minutes after I’d dealt with the last one. It was too soon to be turning on each other and although I was already uneasy with the pair that urged us to follow the Chancellor’s orders, they seemed to be some of the only people here who were displaying any common sense thus far. Murphy ambushed his opponent, knocking him to the floor with a kick to the leg that produced a worrying crunch.

“Wells!” The blonde called out to her friend but the crowd held her back, preventing her from intervening in the developing fight. Wells sprung back up with a limp and they began to circle each other in predatory motions. With a frustrated sigh, I stepped away from Octavia to break them up, but she swiftly caught my arm in confusion.

“What are you doing?” She interrogated with a quizzical face as she flitted her attention between me and the fight with a raised brow. Although I’d understood her needs to keep me from trouble whilst in the Skybox, I felt that it was unnecessary here and I struggled to understand how she couldn’t know that this was an entirely unnecessary confrontation.

“This is ridiculous.” I remarked with an exasperated tone as I shook her grip from me and marched toward the fight. 

Before I could get between them, Finn dropped down from a high point of the ship and split the two boys up with little more than a fierce expression. Octavia was distracted by his dramatic entrance and immediately stepped forward to flirt with Finn as the crowd started to dissipate. I rolled my eyes and sighed in disapproval at her predictable reaction. Finn was slightly shorter than Octavia’s usual type, but his confidence was typical of her attraction. He had long brunette hair that was scruffy, sat loosely around his face and deep brown eyes. His pale skin made it easy to tell that his cheeks were rosy from the adrenaline and he glanced at Octavia with an amused smile. Bellamy quickly surged into giving her an earful for her taste in men, so I decided to allow him a turn in dealing with her. Instead, I sought out Murphy, finding him alone and pouting in disappointment.

“Oh look, if it isn’t the Ark’s own social outcast.” He smirked as I approached him and I responded with a nasty smile. We’d often clashed on the Ark, exchanging insults whenever we were forced to interact and I found his attitude caused a deep anger inside of me. It was easy to recognise that he disliked me because I refused to be impressed by his efforts to seem cool and carefree, and the fact that I could easily peer through this illusion was threatening to his reputation. Reflecting on his growing popularity, I knew that I needed to shut him down before his ego grew to unmanageable levels.

“I could say the same about you, but it seems that the fresh air around here has somehow deluded people into following you.” I remarked in an even tone and his face fell into a stern expression. “So, I noticed earlier that you said Jasper was ‘with us’...are you running your own boy band now? How do they audition? Do you get them to desperately peacock for attention, or is that just your speciality?” I mocked in a taunting voice and he quickly developed a furious glare as he studied me.

“Listen bitch-” He stepped closer in an effort to intimidate me, considering his height an advantage but I simply pushed him back into the side of the ship. I glared upwards, unhindered by my small stature and squared my shoulders to cut him off mid threat.

“I’m not scared of you Murphy. Well that’s a lie, I’m pretty scared of that face of yours, but I digress.” I teased in a bitchy manner that wasn’t my best. I couldn’t help the childish annoyance that he brought out in me and inwardly scolded myself for stooping to such a weak insult. “I just wanted to let you know that prison yard bullshit isn’t gonna work here. This isn’t the Ark, there’s no guards to stop the rest of us from standing up to your little crew, so don’t be getting too big for your boots. Don’t forget, fighting Wells is a **world away** from fighting me.” I turned my shoulder into his as I passed and could practically feel the anger radiating from him, but for whatever reason, he opted not to follow me. I spotted Octavia making her way over to Wells, blondie, Finn, Jasper and Monty, closely followed by Bellamy and I redirected to investigate.

“Hey! Were you trying to take this off?” The blonde that they had dubbed Princess grabbed the wristband on Finn’s wrist with an outraged expression and I found myself intrigued. Since the moment that it was clamped onto me, I’d been curious as to its purpose and hoped that she would be able to enlighten us.

“Yeah, so?” Finn replied carelessly as I stepped into the circle and listened closely.

“So, this wristband transmits your vital signs to the Ark. Take it off and they’ll think you’re dead.” She explained and I questioned how she could have obtained this knowledge. I inspected mine with a new insight and as I fidgeted with it, I could feel that it was connected to my body. Raising my brows in surprise, I returned my attention to the blonde with a new interest and knew that I needed to find out more about her as quickly as possible. 

“Should I care?” Finn shrugged with a cool attitude and I scoffed at him. It seemed the fresh air was fuelling the poor attitude of all of the prisoners and already I had begun to suspect that the blonde, Wells and I might be the only people of the 100 here that had any hint of common sense. Survival would be a challenge with such a selection of delinquents.

“Well I don’t know, do you want the people you love to think you’re dead? Do you want them to follow you down here in two months? Because they won't if they think we’re dying.” She rambled at him assertively and every member of the small group that gathered seemed to silently agree. The only person that I loved was down here with me, but I was aware that with no supplies any long term future would be nearly impossible. As much as I begrudged it, I knew that we would need the Ark to follow us. “Okay, let’s go.” She ordered, as she moved off with purpose.

The group followed her lead in various states of reluctance, until only Octavia, Bellamy and I remained in place. I noticed that Octavia peeked to her brother for approval and raised a brow at her. In the time we’d known each other, I’d always encouraged independence and it was strange to see her already reverting to following his advice. He simply nodded in defeat and she kissed him on the cheek in thanks before rushing off to join the adventure group. He fidgeted on the spot as he watched her depart with obvious concern and I sighed deeply.

“I won’t let her out of my sight.” I stated quietly enough for only him to hear and he glanced down at me with a thankful smile. My heart leapt in my chest in response and I jogged to catch up to Octavia in a rush to put some distance between me and Bellamy, finding her trailing behind with the blonde. 

“Before you get any ideas, Finn’s mine.” Octavia spoke sternly and I rolled my eyes at her catty behaviour. I’d always known that she had an excessive interest in boys, but until now it had caused little more trouble than giving me headaches over the canteen tables. Now, she had the opportunity to pursue them and I realised with horror that I would have to endure the consequences of her poor taste.

“Before _ you _ get any ideas, I don’t care.” The blonde replied coldly and I rubbed my temples in stress at the thought that I might be the only person here with no interest in pursuing anyone. Instead, I was left to make sense of the way that Bellamy’s attention made me feel as if my heart could stop at any moment and pushed it to the back of my mind to deal with later.

We walked for a while through the forest in a relaxed group, as everyone took the opportunity to get the measure of each other. I strolled in position between Monty and Jasper who were practically a comedy duo, whilst Octavia and Finn flirted just in front of us. Lighthearted chuckles escaped my lips, almost constant since the moment that they introduced themselves and I enjoyed the ease of their company. In the skybox, I’d known their names and from observing the way that they chatted to anyone, I’d decided they were likeable but actually meeting them gave a far greater impression than I could ever have gained from a distance. Jasper was average height and a skinny build. He had medium length brunette hair which he pushed back with a large set of aviator style goggles. Monty was smaller, only half a foot taller than me with thick black hair and dark eyes. He had warmer skin than Jasper and seemed to be the more attentive of the two. 

“I gotta know what you two did to get busted.” Finn called back in response to the boys bickering playfully and I couldn’t deny that I was interested too. They certainly didn’t seem the criminal type and I couldn’t imagine them getting into any serious trouble. 

“Sumac is not the only herb in the garden, if you know what I mean.” Monty drawled with a motion that acted out smoking a joint and I glanced at him in surprise. Although it hadn’t been what I expected to hear, I quickly deduced that this suited their laid back, humorous personalities.

“Yeah and someone forgot to replace what we took.” Jasper added with a hint of bitterness and I found myself laughing again as I’d been doing the entire time I’d been in their company. 

“_ Someone _ has apologised like 1000 times.” Monty grumbled under his breath, earning a snort of laughter to escape my chest. They both turned to face me with their own amused giggles and I covered my mouth in embarrassment. There was a certain ease in their company that I hadn’t known before and it was unusual for me to feel able to lower my defenses so quickly. It was almost impossible to be tense around them and I found myself feeling glad that I’d joined this trek, if only for the opportunity to get to know them.

“How about you Octavia? What’d they get you for?” Jasper enquired casually, but I caught the immediate clench in her shoulders and flinched in anticipation for him. If I’d thought ahead, I would have warned him to avoid this topic with her and knew that her answer would likely cause some tension among the small group. 

“Being born.” She answered bitterly, before storming forward to join the blonde with a tense attitude and I grimaced awkwardly. During our time in lockup together, I’d come to know the circumstances of her arrest and could completely understand the hate that she carried inside herself. It was a quality that we shared and I allowed her some time to sooth herself.

“That is so not game.” Monty commented in a teasing tone, before he and Jasper broke into play slapping each other. 

“Guys are gross.” I groaned with disappointment as I assessed them and could hardly believe that they were already trying their luck with Octavia. Not for the first time, I felt like an outcast as I reflected on my complete lack of interest in anyone.

“What about you Indigo? Are the rumours true?” Finn spoke in a playful manner and it was clear that he was expecting me to say no. I suspected that he thought I would have a similarly minor misdemeanour under my belt and for the first time revelled in the opportunity to stun someone with the truth.

“Oh yeah, I’m a murderer.” I confirmed cheerfully as his face dropped satisfyingly in shock and the colour drained from his face. Jasper snorted in laughter whilst Monty simply stuttered for a response. I decided to leave their belief open to their own interpretation as I rushed to catch up with Octavia and placed a supportive hand on her back. 

We all crouched in the grass in a small huddle, each following the gesture of the person in front and our blonde leader pointed out a deer. We watched it’s gentle movements in a shared moment of wonder and I could hardly believe that something so beautiful was standing before us. Finn took a step forward to get a closer look and crunched on a stick, causing both of the deer’s heads to look over at us. 

“Oh hell no, that is fucked up!” I gasped as the rest of the group jumped back. For a moment we had almost forgotten that the planet we were now exploring was recovering from nuclear warfare and this was a disturbing reminder that things were not always as they first appeared.

We walked for a while longer and the others were engaged in a conversation with the blonde about the Ark. I analysed her closely as I tried to identify if I had ever seen her before my imprisonment. Her long hair was a cool blonde and the top layer was twisted back away from her face. She had large blue eyes and light blonde lashes that matched her pale skin. I listened to her explaining that the Ark was running out of life support and that’s why we’d been sent to Earth. I’d learned that her name was Clarke but that name held no familiarity for me and I couldn’t help wondering just who she’d been up there. Octavia stormed ahead, seeming annoyed by the boys’ interest in her perceived rival and I decided to give her some space to cool off. By the time that we caught up she was stripping to her underwear, much to the enjoyment of the guys in our group. I covered my face in embarrassment but stopped at the sound of a splash. We all rushed forward to find her floating in a river, with only half of her face above the water. The rest of the group began stripping to join, whilst I crossed my arms and smirked at her disapprovingly.

“Octavia, get out of the water!” Jasper shouted in sudden outburst and I darted my eyes over to his line of vision to see something large moving in the water towards her. “Get out of the water now!” He cried frantically and merely seconds later, before any of us could move to assist her, she disappeared beneath the surface. 

“**Octavia!**” I screamed as I rushed toward the edge to jump in after her, only to be dragged back and held in place by Monty. My limbs thrashed in a desperate attempt to free myself and I manically scanned the water for her, barely able to catch my breath through the panic. Her terrified face emerged for a moment and it was immediately clear that whatever manner of creature had grabbed her was now dragging her around as she fought for air.

“What the hell is that?!” Monty yelled in disbelief as he still battled to maintain his grip on me and grew increasingly frustrated at his refusal to allow me to rescue her.

“We have to help her!” Jasper declared assertively as he rushed forward, whilst Finn threw off his jacket and prepared to dive in.

“No wait! If we distract it, it might let go, help me!” Clarke commanded, encouraging the group to follow her plan. Monty assessed me sceptically as they struggled to move a rock and I fought every urge in my body to help them, instead of diving in after her as my instincts willed. The instant that the rock entered the water, the creature sped for it and released Octavia from it’s jaws. I ran towards the water without a shred of concern for my own safety, but Jasper sprinted to the edge first and hurried to help her. 

“Octavia get to the shore, now!” He called as he dropped into the water to grip her arms and dragged her towards the edge. “I’ve got you!” He reassured and I felt an appreciation for him that I could never have anticipated.

“It’s coming back!” Monty alerted as his gaze fell on Jasper with the same protective fear that I had for Octavia. “It’s heading right for you!” He confirmed with a nervous energy as he bounced around on the spot. Without a moment's hesitation, I leapt from the other side of the boulder that we were standing on and into the shallow water at the edge of the stream. I kicked the water around and threw pebbles into the stream to make as effective a distraction as possible. 

“Come here, you big ugly shit! Come get me!” I announced with a fiery determination as I stomped around. I watched the creature turn in a split second and focus it’s powerful approach on me, my stomach lurching with nerves.

“Indigo what are you doing?!” Monty bellowed in disbelief as he turned to suddenly notice me that I had escaped into the water. I glanced over to confirm that Jasper had successfully pushed Octavia onto a rock and was relieved to find that I had bought them enough time for her to be safely removed from the water.

“Monty pull me up!” I cried as I took a leap of faith up toward the rock that he was standing on and he dropped his hand just in time to catch me. He strained with my weight but managed to lift me enough that I could grab the ledge and pull myself the rest of the way onto the surface. As soon as my feet were on solid ground, I ran to Octavia’s side with tears in my eyes. I found the others fussing over her and was pleased to see that Clarke was already tending to a nasty wound on her leg. Octavia was cuddled into Jasper as she thanked him for rescuing her and I found myself relieved that at least it wasn’t Finn that she was pressing herself against in her soaking, barely dressed form.

“Note to self: next time save the girl.” Monty joked as he viewed her behaviour and I couldn’t contain a giggle as he cut through the tension. 

“Hey, you already did save the girl.” I argued as I squeezed his shoulder in appreciation. He smiled warmly, before returning to a teasing tone. 

“And yet, I don’t get a hug?” He shrugged, opening his arms to me with a suggestive wink and I snorted in laughter.

“Sorry, but I’m not as _ loving _ as my girl here. Still, I’m very grateful, that was one hell of a trust exercise.” I smiled gratefully at him as I spoke, then turned my attention back to the group as a whole. “Anyway, I think that’s _ quite _ enough heroics for one day, don’t you?”


	6. Yᴏᴜʀ Rᴇsᴄᴜᴇ Hᴀs Aʀʀɪᴠᴇᴅ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇs:** Pɪʟᴏᴛ & Eᴀʀᴛʜ Sᴋɪʟʟs

It was a long night sleeping in the woods but by the morning we were ready to tackle the rest of the journey. Jasper and Monty had devised a plan to swing across the river using a vine and Jasper had decided to go first to impress Octavia. Although I was pleased that she’d finally taken an interest in a more reasonable option, the constant need for all of the people around me to find someone to shag was starting to drive me insane.

Jasper swung across and successfully landed on the other side in a heap. We cheered and celebrated from across the river and watched as Jasper found a sign that said Mount Weather. He held it up to us earning another round of celebration. Unfortunately it was short-lived. From the woods, a spear tore out across the water and firmly placed itself in Jasper’s chest. The entire group screamed in panic and although we managed to herd into cover, we found ourselves trapped between our attackers and the water. We frantically decided to move into a more secure location and sprinted back into the forest. We weaved through the trees with panicked panting as we dragged each other along. Monty fell onto his front and Octavia and Finn bent down to help him up as I kept a watchful eye behind them. When he didn’t immediately jump up, I leaned forward to see what was taking so long and realised that he was stunned as he scrambled to pull himself out of a pile of bones and human remains.

“Who are they?” Finn muttered as he examined the assortment of bones, whilst I fidgeted on the spot nervously. I had to fight every urge in my body to keep running, but my need to protect Octavia kept me rooted to the spot. 

“_ What _ are they?” Clarke held up a massive skull for us to see. It was the size of a human skull, but more closely resembled an ape in its shape. I stared at it in disbelief, unable to process that something so grotesque could reside in the same forest that we were now camped.

“We are so screwed.” Octavia muttered at the sight of it as she pulled Monty to his feet and I nodded in agreement. A desperate cry rang through the trees and the entire group startled. Clarke’s eyes grew wide as the others stared wildly back in the direction that we ran from and I felt my stomach lurch in panic.

“Jasper! He’s alive!” Clarke announced as she tore past us, frantically sprinting through the trees. The rest of us burst into running, following her bright glowing hair like a beacon. Finn pushed ahead just in time to catch her before she emerged into the clearing where Jasper had been and we all froze on the spot as we waited to find out why he was stopping her.

“Clarke no! Stay in the trees!” He hissed as he pulled her back into the edge of the woods and we crouched around them. I realised that we could use the trees as cover and that the area by the river was completely open, leaving us vulnerable to attack. I leaned past Octavia to assess where Jasper had been wounded, but I couldn’t see him. All that remained to show that he had ever been there was the Mount Weather sign he had been proudly holding up and a pool of blood where he had been laid.

“He was right there! No, where is he?” Monty panted and I put a hand on his arm, both to reassure him and to stop him from running out into the kill zone.

“They took him!” Clarke gasped as we scanned the area in a frantic disbelief.

“We have to get him back.” I hissed resolutely under my breath, feeling myself shaking with a mixture of fear and fury. “I don’t care who they are, they can’t just wound and kidnap our people.” I growled. 

“I’m with you, but we’re gonna need more people. We need to go back to camp.” Octavia tried to smile supportively as she spoke, but I noticed that it didn’t meet her eyes. 

The walk back to camp was long and tense. Octavia and I gripped hands tightly as we walked and I recognised the emotional turmoil going on behind her eyes as she worried for Jasper. I glanced around at the others who all wore similar expressions, except for Monty who was thoroughly distraught. As we neared the camp, I could hear voices chanting and the sounds of a struggle. I gave a poignant stare around the group and we quickened our pace. We stepped into the clearing to find Wells and Murphy fighting again, with Wells holding a knife to Murphy’s throat. Clarke rushed ahead to break up the fight and I peeked down at Octavia with an annoyed expression. 

“Looks like your brother is doing a great job of keeping the place together.” I drawled and she sighed in annoyance.

“Wells!” Clarke shouted, her voice revealing the concern that she seemed to be trying to cover. “Let him go.” She demanded in a low mutter and I anticipated this command backfiring.

In the first moment that Murphy was released he immediately lunged towards Wells again and I stepped towards him with the intent of putting him on his ass. Before I could Bellamy pushed between them and grabbed Murphy with a commanding authority. 

“Hey! Enough Murphy!” He ordered as he strongly gripped onto his shoulders to contain him.

“What the hell is going on here?!” I spat as I stepped down into the clearance and fixed Bellamy with a disapproving look, before turning back to assist Monty with supporting Octavia to struggle down.

“Octavia!” Bellamy gasped as he rushed over to her and took her weight on himself. “Are you alright?” His voice softened as he viewed her with a fearful expression and quickly scanned her over.

“Yeah.” She breathed, allowing him to take support of her and I released my grip of her onto him. 

“I thought you were keeping an eye on her?” Bellamy spoke under his breath, but I could feel the judgement behind his words. It frustrated me that he immediately turned to blame me with no idea what had happened out there and I glanced around at the chaos of camp before turning back to face him with an unimpressed expression. 

“I thought you were keeping an eye on things here?” I retorted as I crossed my arms. It was clear that he’d been enjoying himself in the time that we’d been fighting for our lives and I was disappointed at the lack of evidence of the sensible nature that Octavia had described with. He sighed before returning his attention to Clarke. 

“Where’s the food?” He grilled as he served her the same level of attitude that he’d given me.

“We didn’t make it to Mount Weather.” Finn interjected, shifting uncomfortably on the spot. People surveyed each other in confusion and I could sense the tension that was building in the crowd. I wondered just what had been happening here since we left for things to have reached this point. 

“What the hell happened out there?” Bellamy sounded exasperated as he addressed us all in sweeping motion and I could feel my aggravation with him growing stronger. 

“We were attacked.” Clarke seemed nervous as she spoke and I could understand why when she was facing someone who was behaving as if he held such authority. 

“Attacked by what?” Wells interrogated and I studied the crowd that was watching intently. I wasn’t even sure how to answer that question, we hadn’t caught a single glimpse of our attackers other than the deformed and terrifying remains that we’d stumbled across. I started to wish that I’d bought the skull back for them to see, as I realised that the members of camp still viewed our location as a beautiful land where they could enjoy their freedom. They had no idea of the horrors that waited further into the woods and I hoped that between us, we could convey the gravity of the danger.

“Not what, who.” Finn added dramatically and I wasn’t sure that his approach was as serious as was needed. “It turns out, when the last man from the ground died on the Ark, he wasn’t the last grounder.” He presented with a flare and I sighed.

“It’s true, everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong. There are people here, survivors. The good news is that means we can survive. Radiation won’t kill us.” Clarke seemed calm enough to articulate her thoughts now, but I could still see nerves in her body language. I was surprised to find myself feeling relieved that she was here, as although I personally found her grating, she was able to explain things in a way that was clear and concise. I surveyed the crowd and was unable to judge how they were taking this information. I had a strong feeling of foreboding and hoped that they would be able to see past the prejudice that Bellamy had encouraged in them to see reason.

“The bad news is the grounders will.” Finn commented. There was a moment of tense silence where I could feel panic building in my stomach. I wouldn’t have chosen to present the information in this way. I began to wish that Finn would back off and allow Clarke to explain without his dramatics. Wells looked around at the group of us that had just returned in confusion.

“Where’s the kid with the goggles?” He asked as I watched him do a mental count of us. My stomach lurched and the five of us looked at each other, awkwardly waiting for someone to take the responsibility of explaining. I didn’t trust myself to explain without getting emotional, as I’d already felt an attachment developing for Monty and Jasper. Without them I might have lost Octavia today and as a thanks for their help, Monty had lost his best friend instead. It didn’t sit right with me that we’d left him behind and I tried to push my thoughts to the back of my mind to focus on the conversation in front of me. 

“Jasper was hit. They took him.” Clarke answered nervously and as she tried to glance down at the ground to avoid Wells' gaze, her eyes caught on his wrist. “Where’s your wristband?” She grabbed his wrist in annoyance and he snatched it away with a glare toward Bellamy.

“Ask him.” He spat. I turned to face Bellamy with my arms crossed as Octavia also looked confused and suspicious as she faced him from his other side. I couldn’t imagine what would have possessed him to remove a wristband after Clarke’s clear explanation of the importance of them before we left and felt my first impressions of him falling into disbelief by the minute. Clarke turned to face him and all of her nerves seemed to dissipate into anger. 

“How many?” She growled in an accusing tone.

“Twenty four and counting.” Murphy interjected smugly and I rolled my eyes at him as my stomach flipped at this confirmation. His arrogance only seemed to be growing worse under Bellamy’s leadership and it allowed him to get even further under my skin than he ever had in the Skybox.

“You idiots.” Clarke hissed. “Life support on the Ark is failing, that’s why they brought us down here. They need to know the ground is survivable again and we need their help against whatever is out there. If you take off your wristbands, you’re not just killing them, you’re killing us.” She revealed as she addressed the crowd and I couldn’t tell if her words made the impact they needed to. 

None of the camp members that observed the showdown reacted or spoke. It was a simple enough concept in my opinion and I waited to see if the others would be sensible enough to understand why their actions so far had been foolish. Bellamy stepped forward with an air of confidence, but I could sense something forced about it. 

“We’re stronger than you think, don’t listen to her, she’s one of the privileged.” He started assertively and I was immediately disappointed in his behaviour.

“Not this shit again.” I spat under my breath and rolled my eyes at him. He was nothing like the way that Octavia had always described him to me and I wondered if the years had changed him since she’d been in prison, or if she had simply always viewed him through rose coloured glasses. I realised that in the past, her only interactions with him had been in their mothers quarters, as they tried to hide her existence from the guards and so she may not have ever seen how he behaves around others.

“If they come down, she’ll have it good. How many of you can say the same? We can take care of ourselves. That wristband on your arm, it makes you a prisoner. We are not prisoners any more. They say they’ll forgive your crimes, I say you’re not criminals, you’re fighters, survivors. The grounders should worry about us!” He announced with an alluring confidence that didn’t sit well with me.

The way he addressed the crowd was charismatic and I immediately understood how he was able to gather a following since we’d been gone. A flurry of cheers and cries of agreement erupted from the crowd in reaction to his speech. I could feel my temper growing, but I strained to keep my attention on Bellamy’s behaviour. Clarke and Monty stormed out of the area amid the chaos and whilst everyone was distracted I took a moment to approach Bellamy. 

“It’s working well for you, this whole ‘appealing to the common man’ thing. I’m just an ordinary guy, don’t listen to these privileged brats.” I spoke frankly as I neared him, raising an eyebrow at him in suspicion. 

“What’s your point?” He drawled as he turned to view me with interest. It was clear from his body language that he wasn’t intimidated by me and if anything his movements seemed more flirtatious than threatening, much to my annoyance.

“My point is you’re _ not _ one of us. ‘ _ We’re not prisoners any more? _’ You weren’t a prisoner to begin with, where do you get off telling them to embrace their freedom? Surely there’s some kind of payoff for you?” I crossed my arms and stared at him in a scrutinising manner. I wasn’t about to be fooled by this act and I wanted an explanation for his need for it. He smiled confidently, but I noticed that it didn't reach his eyes. 

“How do you know I wasn’t a prisoner, think you would’ve noticed me?” He taunted and this time I was sure of the flirtatious tone in his voice. I rolled my eyes and indicated toward Octavia in answer. He shifted in acknowledgement as if he suddenly remembered that I was close with her and knew more about his past than he was probably comfortable with. “Perhaps I just appreciate the results of them enjoying their freedom, maybe I could help you enjoy yours?” He winked at me and I couldn’t suppress a look of disgust.

“First of all, ew.” I groaned as I met his eyes with a poignantly unamused expression. “Second, don’t try to change the topic, I’m not as easily distracted as the others.” I glanced around at the remaining girls who observed us speaking in interest and rolled my eyes. “Why try to turn people against them, when your so-called privileged people are the only ones talking any sense? If you want people to follow you, you need them to stay alive to do so. Maybe you should consider thinking with your brain instead of your dick.” I shrugged carelessly as I spoke and I noticed the smile fading from his face.

“What do you want from me? You want to bow to the council’s kids, return to the power structure of the Ark? You were in lockup, doesn’t seem like it went too well for you.” He crossed his arms as he spoke and looked down at me smugly. Suddenly the hostility towards Clarke made sense, as I realised that she was connected to the council somehow too. He finally dropped the smirk and stepped closer to me as he spoke. “We’re 100 strong, we can take whatever is coming for us.” He stated in a low voice.

“Are you some kind of fucking idiot?!” I spat as I stared at him in disbelief. “ When Octavia described you, she told me that you had great instincts. She said that you protected her and you always thought ahead, I’m still waiting to meet that person.” I confessed and for a moment, I saw a hint of vulnerability in his face before it was quickly covered. “In just a day walking through the forest we found a two-headed mutant deer and a giant snake monster almost ate Octavia. We are grossly outmatched by the fucking _ wildlife _, how can you act like you have any idea what’s coming for us?! Whatever personal agenda you’ve got against the Ark coming down here, you need to let it go. You’ve pushed the people in this camp to look up to you and follow your lead, so pull your head out of your ass and actually lead!” I snapped, before turning on my heel and leaving him stunned to the spot.

I stomped back over to Octavia and lifted her arm over my shoulder to support her back to the main camp. We shuffled slowly until we reached the area near the ship and I sat her down gently on a tree stump. I rushed to the dropship to grab some rags to use as bandages and returned to her to find Bellamy fussing over her.

“What the hell was it?” He spoke in a frustrated manner as he wrapped the fresh rags that I handed him over her wound and I took a seat beside her to squeeze her hand reassuringly. 

“I don’t know, the others said it looks like a giant snake.” Octavia peeked at me for clarification and I raised my brows. I realised that I probably saw more of it from a distance than she did whilst thrashing around in the water, but I found it difficult to have a civil conversation with Bellamy as if I hadn’t just shut him down mere minutes earlier.

“I wouldn’t even know how to explain it any better? it was damn fast and strong. I wouldn’t be in a hurry to see it again.” I spoke in a defeated tone, not relishing the memory of how powerless I felt against it and tried not to meet his eyes as I spoke. Bellamy was annoyed momentarily at my presence, but once I’d answered the question he made a concerned face and returned his attention to Octavia. 

“You could’ve been killed.” He breathed as his brows knitted together in worry.

“She would’ve been if Jasper didn’t jump in to pull her out.” Clarke approached us carrying a new pack and seemed as if she was prepared for a trip. I studied her questioningly but her focus was firmly set on Bellamy.

“Are you guys leaving? I’m coming too.” Octavia moved to stand up but Bellamy and I both reacted to push her back into a seated position at the same time. Our hands brushed for a second and I pulled back awkwardly.

“No, no! No way, not again.” Bellamy objected firmly as he got to his feet whilst I remained seated beside her with a hand firmly on her thigh to hold her in place. I stared at her with a resolute expression, even as she met my eyes with a pleading face.

“He’s right, your leg’s just gonna slow us down.” Clarke spoke firmly and although I didn’t enjoy seeing her speak to Octavia this way, I agreed with keeping her at camp. I knew that she wouldn’t appreciate seeing me support Clarke and so I kept quiet whilst she spoke. “I’m here for _ you _.” She added, turning her attention to Bellamy and I struggled to contain a scoff.

“Clarke what are you doing?” Wells questioned as he leaned around from behind her. I hadn’t even noticed his presence until now and I rolled my eyes at him, already tired of seeing him follow her around like a puppy.

“I hear you have a gun.” Clarke stared Bellamy down and he lifted his shirt to reveal a gun that was tucked into the back of his trousers. I couldn’t believe my eyes for a moment and I glanced over to see Octavia’s expression mirrored mine.

“Jesus Bellamy.” I sighed frustratedly but he just ignored me. I squinted over at Octavia instead. We had an entire conversation with just our eyes about his unexpected behaviour and I suspected that we may be aligning against him very shortly.

“Good, come with me.” Clarke spoke smoothly, taking a step away as if she expected him to follow. I watched with interest to see if he would respond to that kind of baiting. Bellamy turned slowly, making a point to show that he was not rushed by her. 

“And why would I do that?” He drawled to her in a disinterested tone. Clarke stopped and turned to face him again as if he had asked something thoroughly ridiculous. 

“Because you want _ them _ to follow _ you _. And right now, they’re thinking only one of us is scared.” She stated firmly. I smiled at her words, amused that his competence as a leader had been questioned by both of us within such a short space of time. Tension hung in the air as they stared each other down and Bellamy back to Octavia with an uncertain expression. 

“She’s right. If you want to be a leader, they need to see that you don’t leave people behind.” I interjected despite knowing that he wouldn’t appreciate my opinion and he narrowed his eyes at me. 

“Murphy, come with me.” He ordered as I shrugged under his gaze. I felt a knot growing in my stomach at the idea of him and Murphy being the ones to rescue Jasper. “Atom, my sister doesn’t leave this camp, is that clear?” He ordered and I scoffed in response.

“I don’t need a babysitter.” Octavia spat in fury and I squeezed her knee to get her attention. When she glanced to me, I shook my head to signal to play along. Although I wanted to call him out for his attitude, I realised that we could deal with this more efficiently if we waited for him to leave.

“Anyone touches her, they answer to me.” Bellamy added as he squared up to Atom, who nodded back obediently and I rolled my eyes. “Let’s go.” He declared to Murphy who sighed in annoyance but followed his orders regardless.

Bellamy led the group out of camp and Octavia moved to try to follow them, before being immediately intercepted by Atom, who took her arm and redirected her. “You’re staying here.” He said smugly as he began to guide her back into camp. I waited for Bellamy to be out of sight, before I grabbed hold of Atom and tore him away from her.

“Get your hands off her.” I spat as I glared at him. Atom whirled around and stepped defensively into my space. “Bellamy may be the big shit around here and you can all choose to bow to him if you want, but I don’t bow to anyone. I’ll make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid or hurt herself, but I’m not just going to stand here while you treat her like a prisoner. I don’t care whose orders it’s on.” I released him and he turned back to face Octavia who was waiting with a frustrated look.

“I’m gonna make your life a living hell.” She spat at him and I laughed as I fell into step with her, waiting to see if she wanted my support as she limped. When she moved independently, I didn’t force help onto her and instead smiled at her determination.

I watched her settle in quickly with a small group that were playing cards and hung back so that she could make friends without people freaking out over me. I noticed that Finn was still in camp so I made my way over to speak to him, ensuring that I positioned myself so that I could still see Octavia. 

“Hey Finn, what are you doing here? I thought you’d be out with the rescue group.” I asked with interest and I didn’t expect him to squirm uncomfortably and stare at his feet. 

“No one should be going out there, it’s a suicide mission.” He spat with disapproval and I raised my brow at him. 

“Wow, so much for the big hero act. You’re more of a one minute wonder.” I mumbled, not intending for my words to carry as much attitude as they did.

“Don’t start Sloan, I don’t need this crap from you too.” He stomped and kicked at the ground in frustration. I laughed under my breath as I analysed that the rescue party must have given him an earful already. I didn’t enjoy being referred to by my surname, but it wasn’t shocking to me that many of the delinquents referred to me this way. 

“I thought your mission to get in Clarke’s pants would carry you through.” I teased, finally earning a brief smile from him before he forced his face to return to an annoyed expression again.

“You’re hardly one to comment. The way that you and Bellamy got in each other's faces earlier?” He taunted and I snapped my gaze to him with a startled movement. “Oh yeah, I saw that. I’m just waiting to see which one of you caves and grabs the other first. It’s prime entertainment actually.” He was incredibly smug as he finished speaking and I was frustrated to find myself feeling that he had gotten through my defences.

“Bellamy’s an ass that’s why I get in his face. Murphy’s even worse. I don’t know if Clarke told you her plan but she’s taken both of them with her. You’re entitled to your own opinion about the people here but I wouldn’t trust Murphy with those two and that’s without considering that Bellamy’s being shady as hell. Seriously Finn no bullshit, if you like Clarke I’d get out there and back her up.” I spoke earnestly and shrugged at him as I left it to his judgement to decide. Finn seemed to be considering my words when I was distracted by movement behind him. Octavia was leading one of the guys from the card game into the dropship, but she was looking back at Atom the whole time. 

“Ugh, what is she up to now.” I sighed in disappointment. I returned my attention to Finn, who appeared confused and rolled my eyes. “I have to keep an eye on my girl, I recommend you do the same.” I added poignantly and he nodded.

I headed into the trees and found a spot where I could see the entrance to the dropship without being easily seen. I had no issue with Octavia having some fun but needed to ensure that nothing got out of control, especially considering that every person here had been in prison before. I watched Atom follow after her and rolled my eyes at the predictability of men. I waited for a while, watching to check that no one else tried to follow them and felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end when the guy she’d originally taken in there stumbled out looking disorientated, closely followed by Atom. I paused for a few moments but saw no sign of Octavia emerging from the ship. I felt in my gut that something was wrong. Atom surveyed the area in a way that seemed like he was checking if anyone had noticed him before turning back into the dropship and I seized the moment to follow him in. As I entered the space I quickly scanned the room but couldn’t see Octavia anywhere. Atom moved towards the hatch to the upper level, seeming to stop to guard it. I grabbed the back of his jacket and slammed him into the metal ladder that led into the hatch.

“Where is she?” I growled as I dug my fingers into his back with a rage that burned in my chest.

“Ow Jesus, she’s fine! She was determined to tempt one of these guys into trouble so I gave her a time out.” He answered arrogantly and I growled under my breath in annoyance. I pushed him harder against the ladder and he cried out. 

“_ Where?! _” I spat as I crushed him into the bars in my anger.

“The hatch! She’s up there!” He wheezed, struggling to get his words out through the pressure that I was holding him under. I released him from my grip and as he turned to glare at me, I kicked hard between his legs causing him to drop the floor with a smug smile.

“Try any shit like that again and you’ll have far worse than Bellamy to deal with.” I snapped with a threatening glare, before rushing up the ladder to find Octavia. I flipped the hatch open to witness her sitting in the back end of the room with Monty. She jumped as I entered the space and I sat myself comfortably on the hatch to watch her and Monty. “Well don’t you two look cosy!” I teased, winking at her as I viewed their comfortable positions.

“Indigo!” She exclaimed cheerfully as her eyes met mine and it warmed my heart to see.

“Your rescue has arrived my lady.” I laughed. “And it includes a slightly bruised man who locked you in here, awaiting your mercy.” I added with a dramatic flare of my arm and I noticed that Monty raised his brows in surprise behind her. Octavia looked back at Monty reluctantly. 

“Go on, I’ll be fine, work to do.” He smiled and she got to her feet, ruffling his hair as she stood. She made her way over to the hatch with a relieved face. I blocked her exit for a moment, giving her a serious look. 

“This one’s on the house.” I stated in a firm tone. “I won't lecture you on how I was right about your taste in men _ this time _, but I’m gonna need you to make smarter decisions.” I raised a brow at her as I spoke and she looked sheepish momentarily. “You go have some fun, but don’t get in trouble okay?” I softened my tone and she nodded in response. I smiled back at her as I moved to let her pass. She stepped through the hatch and onto the ladder, before hesitating to call over to Monty. 

“Hey Monty. Jasper would understand why you stayed.” She spoke in a mature way and I was proud of her display of empathy. He seemed thoughtful and I could tell that he appreciated her words, before returning to his usual cheeky expression. 

“How is someone raised beneath the floor not a total basket case?” He asked in a playful tone and I suppressed a laugh.

“Who says I’m not?” She scoffed back. I was relieved to see her smile before she climbed down the ladder and I find myself feeling glad that she’s lightening up on the jokes about her past. I considered following her down, but I heard her make her way outside alongside Atom and rolled my eyes. Instead, I dropped myself down beside Monty. 

“You can join her if you want, I’ll be fine.” He muttered, continuing to work as he spoke.

“I think I’ll stay here thanks. It sure beats watching Octavia drape herself over another jock idiot whilst a little part of me dies inside.” I groaned, fiddling with my clothes as I spoke. Monty chuckled and we sat in comfortable silence for a beat, while I could tell he was thinking about his next words. 

“You know Bellamy won’t be happy that you’ve crossed his orders.” He advised quietly and avoided looking at me.

“I really don’t care what makes Bellamy happy and I haven’t got a second to waste on his orders.” I scoffed. I watched Monty work with interest, as he seemed to be attempting to make use of the wristbands that Bellamy and Murphy had convinced people to take off so far. I touched mine thoughtfully, wondering if anyone on the Ark would even notice if mine stopped transmitting.

“Considering that he’s Octavia’s brother you seem to really have a problem with him.” Monty commented with an awkward shuffle as he caught my eye and quickly returned to being intensely focused on his work. I sighed deeply. 

“From what Octavia told me, I always thought if I met him we’d get along. But so far all I’m seeing is a reckless idiot who’s too interested in furthering his own agenda to think about what’s best for our survival. There’s something more going on with him and that’s dangerous as the person leading this camp so far.” I answered, careful to explain my reasons so that I didn’t come across as simply spiteful and difficult. Monty seemed to consider my words and nodded in agreement. We sat quietly for a while and I watched him work, picking at the wrist bands with various tools. Eventually my curiosity got the better of me. “What are you doing with these?” I asked as I observed him.

“These wristbands transmit our vital signs to the Ark, I’m thinking I can use that communication as a way to contact them, turn it into a radio.” He sounded slightly irritated to be explaining this, as if he’d already done it once and I smiled at the thought that Octavia had been asking similar questions to me.

“That’s smart and it would definitely help with the whole ‘we’re not dying, some idiots are just taking them off’ thing. I’m guessing it’s not that simple though?” I enquired and he shook his head in response. “Bummer.” I muttered.

I spent the rest of the afternoon keeping Monty company and watching him work. It was a welcome distraction from worrying about what Octavia was up to with Atom. By the time I made my way out of the dropship it was dark and I sat to keep myself warm by the fire. I noticed that Octavia was sitting practically snuggled into Atom. They were holding hands in what they clearly thought was a subtle way and I rolled my eyes. I was glad that she’d at least taken the time to enjoy Bellamy being out of camp, but I couldn’t help feeling frustrated that she couldn’t keep her interest in a single guy for more than a day. 

There was a commotion in camp and I heard raised voices. I rushed to my feet and followed the sound to find Murphy and Bellamy carrying something large and seemingly heavy inside some sort of sheet. For a moment my stomach lurched with the fear that it was Jasper’s body, but I caught sight of Monty following Clarke into the dropship and maintained the hope that Jasper was with them. They dropped the sheet to reveal some kind of large black cat and Bellamy stepped forward confidently to address the crowd. 

“Who’s hungry?!” He announced gaining cheers and celebration from the hungry campers. Octavia rushed over to him with a smile and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. I rolled my eyes at them both, annoyed to see Octavia returning to playing happy families now that she’d had time to get her kicks. I was distracted at the sight of Clarke reemerging from the dropship and followed her to find that she was tending to Jasper with Finn’s assistance. 

“Oh thank fuck, you bought him back!” I gasped, falling to his side with hot tears in my eyes. “How’s he doing?” I asked worriedly.

“He’s alive.” Clarke answered bleakly and I felt my heart sink in my chest. “He’s stable, and we’ll do everything we can.” She replied in matter of fact voice. I appreciated that she didn’t give me false hope and found myself squeezing his hand tightly. 

“You can’t give up Jasper, you’re a hero! We need that.” I whispered in his ear, uncomfortable for anyone else to hear my vulnerability. I sat back up and smiled at him, before sniffing back tears and forcing my brave face back on. “I’m gonna check on Tavi, let me know if you need anything at all.” I added in a forced voice of calm and Clarke smiled back. I quickly left the room before I could be overwhelmed with emotion at the sight of Jasper, unconscious and covered in blood.

When I emerged the animal had been stripped to meat which they had set onto a spit roast over the fire and people had begun to queue for food. I was about to join them, when I noticed the pile of discarded wristbands by the fire and watched the person at the front have theirs removed. Bellamy greeted them with a smile and a pat on the back, as he handed them the food. My stomach lurched at the reality of the situation ahead of me and it made me sick to watch Bellamy smiling as he manipulated them. My attention was caught by Finn approaching the fire and simply helping himself to the food, much to Murphy’s disagreement. However it seemed that whatever Finn’s reasoning was, Murphy didn’t have an answer for. Clarke followed Finn from the fire and I watched as another member of camp attempted to take the food without trading in a wristband. By now, Bellamy had noticed this and promptly grabbed the clueless camper, before punching him to the ground. I stormed over to the fire and planted myself firmly in Bellamy’s way, blocking him from taking another person from the queue. 

“Are you gonna hit me next Bellamy? Is that how you’re dealing with people who don’t agree with you now?” I spat as I felt fury pulsing through me at his despicable behaviour. He was momentarily shaken, but quickly forced his confident smile on before he stepped closer into my space.

“We both know that’s not how I’d like to lay you out Indigo.” He drawled, clearly enjoying the showmanship of his performance and Murphy sneered behind him as he moved to step closer still. I pushed him back roughly, baring my teeth as I let out a disgusted sound. 

“Knock off the bullshit charmer act! I’m not letting you manipulate me into giving you my wristband, not for food or whatever your next threat is.” I snarled, glaring up at him with vicious intensity. “I don’t care if you’re Octavia’s brother, you’re acting like a real shady piece of shit and I’m not standing for it.” I added in determination and spite and I watched the confidence leave his expression. Bellamy grabbed my arm and led me away from the fire, and I didn’t fight him. If he needed more privacy to tell me what was going on then I’d give him the opportunity. 

“I’ve figured you out Indigo, I know threats aren’t going to work on someone like you. I need to win you over, prove to you that I’ve got the best interests of this camp in mind. And you know what they say, actions speak louder than words.” He walked back over to the fire and grabbed a skewer of food, returning it to me as a peace offering. I glared at him in pure fury. 

“You’re right, you’ve got a lot to prove to me.” I spat as I peeked down at the offer of food. “And for now, I’d rather starve.” I turned on my heel and walked out of the camp, straight into the forest.


	7. Tʜᴇʀᴇ's Mᴏʀᴇ Tᴏ A Lᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Eᴀʀᴛʜ Kɪʟʟs

Three days had passed since Bellamy’s food trade-off and people were starting to get restless. I’d spent little time in camp, mostly roaming the woods for berries and other small items of food to tide me over until I could find some meat. Although the hunger was a constant distraction, I still hadn’t seen any change of behaviour from Bellamy that would break my resolve. The only few times I’d checked back into camp was to ensure that Octavia was alright and to visit Jasper, who seemed to be taking a gradual turn for the worse. 

As I foraged through the woods I could hear his pained yells, frequently spread out and immediately followed by nasty comments called out by members of the camp to hurry up and die already. From what I’d gathered when speaking to Monty, people seemed to be taking Jasper’s suffering as a hit to their morale. This had been my primary motivation to stay out of camp more than my disagreement with Bellamy, as I struggled to remain calm in the face of people who complained about listening to Jasper. I couldn’t imagine how anyone thought it was acceptable to consider another person's agony an inconvenience to them and I didn’t have the strength to knock down every person guilty of this.

I slowly trekked back in the direction of the camp to check on Jasper. It had been a while since my last visit and it took longer than usual; my legs felt heavy and it was a struggle to gain any momentum. My body was fatigued from the lack of proper food, but I battled on. Jasper’s yells suddenly reached desperate screams and I quickened my pace. Although I wanted to sprint to camp, I could barely manage a brisk walk and it seemed to take a lifetime to reach him. I practically fell into the campground, wobbling into the dropship just in time to catch the tail end of a conversation through the hatch.

“He’s been like this for three days, if he’s not better by tomorrow I’ll kill him myself.” I recognised Bellamy’s voice immediately and could feel my blood boiling at his words. I took a moment to catch my breath, preparing myself for the difficulty of climbing the ladder and trying to force out my usual strength. If I was going to put Bellamy back in his place, I couldn’t allow him to see any weakness. I heard him reach the ladder and paused in place. “Octavia, let’s go.” He ordered.

“I’m staying here.” I heard a stubborn anger in her reply that I hadn’t witnessed before and smiled to myself. It was only a few moments before Bellamy climbed down and was face to face with me. I forced myself to straighten up and he was clearly frustrated that I’d heard him. 

“You’re off to a great start of proving yourself to me.” I drawled in a sarcastic tone and he crossed his arms.

“I’m thinking of the best interests of the camp; he’s making people crazy. We don’t have the supplies to save him, it’s kinder to end it now.” He tried to look justified, but I could see the resistance in his eyes. 

“Jasper is a part of this camp, are you thinking of him too?” I mirrored his defensive posture and stood my ground. “You can’t kill someone because a bunch of teenagers are bitching about the noise of his _ suffering _. He isn’t dead yet, that means he still stands a chance. You need to learn that being a leader doesn’t mean always taking the easy option.” I added as I narrowed my eyes at him in annoyance. 

“Have you forgotten that you’re a teenager too? Stop talking down to me.” His voice was aggressive again as he assessed me and I remembered our age gap with a startle. I had to admit that I enjoyed being able to get past his bravado and under his skin. I couldn’t explain what it was that motivated me to do this instead of simply taking him down as I would have done in the Skybox, but it was a behaviour that I didn’t seem to be able to control. 

“You’re right, you are older. And yet, I’m the only one with any wisdom to share.” I stated firmly before turning to drag myself up the ladder, putting a substantial amount of effort into making it seem effortless. As I surfaced into the upper floor where Jasper was, I caught Monty’s frustrated voice. 

“Power-hungry, self-serving jackass. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” He mumbled before glimpsing awkwardly at Octavia. “No offence.” He added hurriedly and I smiled as I approached them. 

“I quite agree.” I muttered coldly as I sat myself down at Jasper’s side opposite Octavia.

“Yeah. Bellamy is all that. But he also happens to be right.” Finn declared and I glanced over at him in surprise. From what I’d seen of him thus far, he seemed to be quite reasonable and I was disappointed in his words. I didn’t expect to have to fight him today, but I was happy to add his name to my list if needed. Clarke rose to her feet and stormed out of the room, with Finn close on her heels like a sheep. I turned my attention to Monty. 

“I’m guessing from that exchange that things aren’t looking good.” I asked reluctantly. He shook his head disappointedly and I sighed in frustration. “Shit. If only they’d sent us supplies, just a little emergency rations. Selfish Ark bastards.” I spat before noticing Wells creep from the room and rolled my eyes. I was sick of watching him and Finn compete for Clarke’s attention, it seemed even the reasonable people couldn’t resist the thrill of the chase. “I noticed that you stood up to Bellamy back there. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud that you did but...are you all good there?” I spoke softly as I addressed Octavia.

“He caught me kissing Atom the other night.” She practically growled in frustration. I managed to stifle a laugh and instead focused on Jasper, squeezing his hand before I returned my gaze to her. 

“I’m guessing big brother didn’t approve?” I asked as I forced my tone to sound serious. Monty quickly gathered himself and left the room. I felt in my gut that he probably wasn’t happy to hear that she had moved past her interest in Jasper whilst he was kidnapped and I couldn’t blame him. I didn’t approve of her blossoming romance with Atom and couldn’t deny feeling some disappointment that her attraction to Jasper had been so fleeting. Instead, I focused on checking that Bellamy wasn’t setting unnecessary restrictions on her again.

“He doesn't approve of anything I do. I don’t know what he did to him, but Atom won’t even look at me now.” She was visibly furious and this time I didn’t find it funny. I straightened my back, moving into a tense position as I considered what reckless punishment Bellamy could have administered.

“Did you call him on it?” I investigated and was genuine in my concern.

“I tried, he won’t tell me what he did to him. He just says that Atom had to learn that if you disobey him, you pay the price.” Octavia punched the floor in anger before glancing back apologetically at me and I felt my stomach lurch at this revelation. “Where have you been anyway? I’ve hardly seen you other than in here since they bought him back?” She grilled as she examined me closely.

“I’ve been avoiding your brother's dictatorship.” I sighed deeply. “I was looking for other food sources in the woods, something that could give people an option other than handing over their wristbands” I answered in contempt.

Jasper coughed and I jumped up to grab a fresh rag from the bucket of water that Monty had been tending. I squeezed it out and as I started to return with it, I felt my legs buckle. Octavia was quick to my side and caught me before I hit the ground. With her help I returned to Jasper’s side, this time settling next to her whilst she cooled his face with the cloth. As soon as he had calmed, she turned on me. 

“What the hell have you been doing in the woods? It’s dangerous out there, you should know that better than anyone!” She scolded, indicating to Jasper as she spoke. “Are you sick?” She interrogated as she checked over me for any symptoms that I might be hiding. 

“I’m fine Tavi, I’m just tired.” I sighed as I tried to bat her off, but I could feel that I was still too weak to get up. I felt lightheaded and hot, and remained trapped on the floor with frustration. 

“When did you last eat?” She pulled my shirt sleeve up to reveal my wristband and hissed in anger. “He didn’t let you eat, did he?” She spat accusingly as her face steeled into a furious expression. 

“It’s not about that. I couldn’t stand for what he was doing, I refused to take any food from him.” I grumbled as I pulled my sleeve back down and tried to avoid her curious gaze. I wiped the sweat from my forehead with shaking hands and she passed a second wet rag for me to use for myself.

“Hold on, are you saying that he offered you food without a wristband?” She enquired and leaned forward to catch my eyes again. I took the rag and held it against each of my cheeks, then my forehead in an effort to cool myself down. 

“He said threats weren’t going to work on me and that he needed to win me over. He’s trying to be clever, he knows that you care about me and he doesn’t want to test how much.” I reasoned in an effort to explain away her fascinated expression. It was clear to me that he knew anything he did to me would earn a negative reaction from Octavia and he was trying to manipulate me into following his cause so that I wouldn’t come between them. 

“So you don’t have to pay the price for disobeying him.” She seemed to be thinking out loud but it didn’t stop her staring at me as if I’d just grown another head. I sighed at her, considering how to explain my theory without sounding like I had a vendetta against her family. “My brother isn’t usually the type to make exceptions.” She clarified with interest. 

“Look it doesn’t matter, what we need to be discussing is the fact that your brother is getting out of line. Monty was telling me that when we were out of camp people were running riot, it explains why everything is so batshit now. Apparently Bellamy had claimed the dropship as his own private love-den and was enjoying working his way around the girls whilst you weren’t here to see it.” I ranted, feeling myself growing angry all over again as I recounted this information back to her. I knew I was taking a risk in putting myself between them, but I trusted her to know me well enough to see that I was simply expressing concern. 

“That fucking hypocrite!” She snarled and I nodded in agreement.

“Well at least now I’m less frustrated with you.” I started as I dropped my voice to a playful tone to calm myself down. She squinted quizzically at me. “It’s not your fault that you can’t pick a guy, I know now where you get your hoeish tendencies from.” She gasped in a feigned offence before playfully punching me and I snorted with a burst of laughter. For a moment it felt like the simple times we spent together in the Skybox, before I forced myself back to a serious tone now that I was calmer. “We need to stand up to your brother, this power trip can’t carry on.” I stated, matter of factly.

“I agree.” Monty’s voice made us both jump as he reappeared in the room and approached to sit beside Jasper again. I smiled warmly at him before slowly getting to my feet. 

“We can talk about this later, I need to get some air for a bit.” I excused myself from the situation, hoping that the fresh air might help to pass the sickness I was feeling.

I spent some time foraging for food again near the camp, ensuring that I stayed just outside our perimeter to hear if anyone threatened Jasper. I’d gathered a few things to eat and picked at them as I strolled back to camp. A strong wind gusted around me, blowing my hair in every direction and hurrying me forward. I glanced behind me to see a thick, yellow cloud rapidly approaching and broke into a run. It was painful to force my limbs to move quickly and I felt my head spinning with every step, but I frantically rushed to camp. In my time studying Earth I’d read about acid storms multiple times as a possible side effect of the radiation and what I was seeing behind me fit every description. As I rushed over the threshold of our territory, the yellow smog was barely behind me and I cried out. 

“Get inside! Everyone get inside now, go!” I commanded without waiting for people to pay attention. I tore into the dropship, desperate to reach Jasper and it was only seconds before I heard screaming from outside. There was a hoard of footsteps behind me as people began to crowd inside and I dropped beside Octavia panting. 

“Indie, are you alright?” She exclaimed before more people poured into the space and rushed to close every vent.

“What’s going on?!” Monty called out to a female camper who’d dropped down near us.

“The air got thick, everybody’s skin started burning.”

“Monty, my brothers out there!” Octavia’s eyes grew wide and frantic as she glimpsed between us. I was still trying to catch my breath and my entire body shook from the exertion of getting here.

“He’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine.” Monty answered, glancing around with a fearful expression. I took a deep breath and reached out to take Octavia’s hand. 

“It’ll take more than some acid fog to take out your brother Tavi. He’s a survivor, you told me yourself.” I answered in a firm tone between ragged breaths.

Once everyone was inside and accounted for people spread out around the ship, with most of them setting up makeshift sleeping areas in the lower floor. We assisted in setting up extra hammocks wherever possible and tried to give people space to sleep. I settled upstairs near Jasper and Octavia. After the exertion of running here and the energy it took to settle everyone in, I could barely stand and begrudgingly accepted a damp cloth from Octavia to cool my face again. I was constantly shaking and felt nauseous. I wasn’t sure how much longer my body could survive on just nuts and berries.

People settled for the night and Octavia and I took turns in keeping an eye on Jasper. Unfortunately it wasn’t long before he was crying out in pain again and we supported each other with the stress of trying to keep him calm. I repeatedly heard voices complaining that his screams were driving them insane and my temper bubbled inside me. I sat holding his hand and stroked his face as Monty jumped up the ladder frantically and slammed the hatch shut. 

“Murphy’s going to kill Jasper!” He screamed as he struggled to force the hatch shut against the force that Murphy was assaulting it with.

“I’ll deal with Murphy.” I growled as I got to my feet, but immediately I lost my balance and just managed to catch myself.

“No you won't, sit down before you hurt yourself!” Octavia yelled and knocked me to my ass as she scrambled around the room. She ran to the hatch and kicked Murphy who was barely pushing it open, allowing Monty to force it shut and sit on top of it. 

“The locks on the other side!” Monty announced as he desperately fought to hold it closed. My eyes widened as I assessed the room for something we could use but I couldn’t think straight through the dizziness.

“Don’t let him in!” Octavia exclaimed before she sprinted to the wall and wrestled with a pipe in a manic movement.

“No rush. I’m fine here.” Monty cracked as he spread himself across the hatch in an effort to keep Murphy out. Octavia flew back from the wall, now wielding the shard of pipework and ran towards Monty. 

“I got it!” She cried. “Move it!” She pushed him out of the way before forcing the pipe between the handles of the hatch.

“Both of you better open up this hatch right now!” Murphy screamed from underneath in a maniacal fashion. I sighed in relief as Monty and Octavia panted in exhaustion.

“Once I get my strength back, I’m gonna kick the shit out of him for that.” I growled as I stood to approach them and quickly found that I couldn’t stay up. Without any warning my vision turned black and I hit the floor.

***

When I woke Octavia was waiting over me with a deeply concerned expression. Her face lit up as I opened my eyes.

“Hey take it slow, you passed out.” She spoke gently and assisted me to sit up. “How are you feeling now?” She investigated and her brows knitted together in worry as she viewed me.

“Would you believe me if I said better?” I laughed, speaking earnestly and hoping that she wouldn’t make too much of a fuss of the incident. “Honestly, I think a little black out is what I needed.” I added with a smile. She was visibly relieved and smiled back. “What’s the situation with the air?” I asked as I analysed the area to find that nothing on our floor looked any different than when I’d last seen it.

“It seems to have cleared, people are back out in camp. Jasper’s settled for now, so no more death threats.” She smiled reassuringly and I sighed in relief. I wasn’t sure how long the fog was going to last and I couldn’t imagine us protecting Jasper for long in the cramped space.

“In that case, any chance I could get some fresh air?” I requested with a hopeful expression. Octavia seemed to consider whether I was being honest about my state and glanced over her shoulder at Monty, who nodded in approval. She helped me to my feet, then stepped back to check that I could maintain my balance. 

“Fine, you look better than you did. You still look like crap though.” She teased with a subtle wink and I chuckled lightly in response. “I’m coming with you just in case.” She demanded and I nodded reluctantly at her statement, accepting that this was probably the best I was going to get from her.

I took it slowly down the ladder and although I still felt some shaking, I felt better than I had all of the previous day. We wandered out into the camp and I took a deep breath of the fresh air. I was pleased to find that I didn't feel so nauseous outside. I took a seat by the fire and Octavia settled close to my side. 

“Any news on your brother or the hunting group?” I asked gently in the hope for a positive answer. Octavia shook her head regretfully and her concerned expression returned. 

“They’re getting a group ready to look for them.” She added and I could sense the fear in her voice, although she fought to try to hide it from me.

Before we could discuss this any further, people around us got to their feet and I heard a voice announce that the group were back. Clarke and Finn were the first to come into view and they rushed ahead toward the drop ship. Octavia jumped up and rushed to intercept them, whilst I continued watching the spot where they entered. I clocked Wells next, closely followed by Bellamy carrying something large. Once again, I found myself hoping that it was food rather than a body and slowly raised to a standing position to investigate.

“Octavia, just stay there. Please, stay back.” Bellamy spoke with a tone that sent chills down my spine and I tried to hurry over as Octavia fought to get past him. Unfortunately, my shaky legs weren’t allowing any kind of haste and I could already see Octavia crouching behind Bellamy to study what he had carried in. “There was nothing I could do.” Bellamy continued and my stomach lurched at his words.

“Don’t.” Octavia’s voice was firm and the hurt in her tone confirmed what I feared. I had gotten close enough now to see the tears running down her face and I knew immediately who it was that we had lost. I watched as she covered up Atom’s acid burned face and I felt my shaking worsen. She returned to standing and stormed past Bellamy, despite his attempts to catch her. She didn’t even notice me as she marched to the ship and I was about to follow her when I noticed Murphy approaching Bellamy. I felt torn between comforting her and defending against a kill order on Jasper. I hoped that Bellamy would be reasonable enough to turn Murphy down but I still remained rooted to the spot to listen. Bellamy sniffed before he spoke and I was surprised to find that he seemed to be holding back tears. 

“Lose anyone here?” He asked, managing to speak in his usual authoritative manner despite the upset that was obvious to me.

“No.” Murphy’s answer was cold and almost disappointing. I felt myself shudder at his tone, uncomfortable with the implication that he would have enjoyed murdering Jasper.

“Jasper?” Bellamy nodded to the dropship as he spoke and I waited for the answer with a tension in my gut.

“Still breathing. Barely. I tried to take him out but your psycho little sister-” I lurched forward at Murphy’s words but wasn’t able to grab him, instead stumbling as I stepped. I took a minute to recover back to a standing position, but could hear a struggle as I did. When I was able to see them again, Bellamy was holding Murphy up by his jacket. 

“My what?!” He growled, holding Murphy’s face close to his. “My what?!” His teeth were bared in fury as he spoke and for the first time since we’d met, I found myself respecting him. I saw the same veracity reflected in him that I displayed whenever anyone dared to so much as look at Octavia in a funny way and I was glad to see that we did have something in common after all. 

“Your little sister.” Murphy answered calmly and it was the first time I’d seen him behave in such a manner to threats. He pushed Bellamy off, but it seemed more due to frustration than in rebellion as I was used to seeing. It was deeply interesting to me that Bellamy was able to accomplish something that no guards or authority of any kind had seemed to be able to do on the Ark. 

“Yeah, that’s right. My little sister.” Bellamy growled as he closed back into his space to tower over him. “Got anything else you want to say about her?” He asked in a threatening voice and I felt myself smiling at the similarity in our methods of dealing with such behaviours. Murphy looked immensely uncomfortable and I realised that I had never seen him look so intimidated before, even with Pike. 

“Nothing. Sorry.” Murphy muttered nervously and I quietly scoffed under my breath. Bellamy stared at him for a few moments longer, breathing deeply before stepping back. 

“Get him out of here.” His voice broke as he spoke and I was shocked by the emotion that I could feel radiating from him. He pointed to Atom’s body and a few of the men that usually followed him stepped forward. Bellamy turned to glare at Murphy one last time before storming out of camp. I watched Murphy with interest who suddenly lashed out by throwing his knife into a nearby tree. 

I stumbled out after Bellamy into the woods and it wasn’t long before the shaking became impossible to deal with again. I struggled to continue trudging between the trees and was about to lose my balance when I was caught by a large figure. I could barely make out what I was seeing through the blur of my vision and I was lifted back to a standing position by my rescuer. I opened my mouth to thank them when I looked up to meet Bellamy’s face. 

“What are you doing out here?” He spoke with confusion and didn’t immediately remove his grip on me. I stared back at him with an equally confused expression, unable to comprehend that it was him that had caught me and was unsure of what to say next.

“Looking for you.” I replied casually and moved to step away from him when my knees buckled. He caught my weight before I could hit the ground again and supported me to walk over to sit on a nearby tree stump. 

“You look awful.” He sounded concerned, but I couldn’t help smiling at his choice of words. He scrutinised me, checking me over with his eyes and I tried to wave off his concern. I felt immensely uncomfortable under his examination and wanted to shift his focus from me as quickly as possible.

“That’s utterly charming of you to say.” I teased and for a moment a small smile seemed to break his expression. It felt strange to share humour with him and the relaxed atmosphere between us was jarring. “I’m fine, just a little shaky.” I sighed as I avoided meeting his eyes. He looked at me sceptically and shifted awkwardly. 

“When did you last eat?” He investigated, still watching me closely and I rolled my eyes. 

“I said I’m fine Bellamy, I’ve been foraging in the woods. I can take care of myself.” I stated firmly. I couldn’t help being defensive, I didn’t want to discuss food with him; I was starting to feel so awful that I’d be likely to take whatever he offered me. I was unnerved at the thought that he might see this as an opportunity to bargain with me whilst I was weak and battled to try to keep my walls up through my exhaustion. 

“I know I haven’t made it easy for you to accept anything from me.” He sighed and sat beside me, keeping his gaze on his feet. “You’re right. I need to lead and not just with my words, with my actions too.” I noticed that there was something different about him than usual, the wall of arrogance and charm that blocked any actual conversation was missing. He leaned forward, arms resting on his knees and ran a hand through his hair in a gesture of stress. I was confused by this and felt my walls lower themselves slightly.

“I must confess, hearing you admit that I’m right does make me feel better.” I spoke with a light, comical tone and he smirked at me. It seemed my usual humorous personality was revealing itself to him without my permission and I wasn’t sure how he was drawing it out of me. “Where’s this coming from?” I asked as I offered him the opportunity to explain.

Bellamy sighed and stared out into the woods. I’d never seen his expression so serious and he seemed to be considering whether he could trust me. I felt a strong urge to support him, to be the one who offered to listen and I couldn’t place where it was coming from. I considered sharing my concerns, showing vulnerability first to demonstrate a safe space between us, but I couldn’t bring myself to trust him. Instead, I fought it and awaited his decision. 

“We lost Atom in the fog, I couldn’t save him.” He kept his gaze focused on the trees as he spoke. I sighed and looked down at the ground, inspecting my boots as a distraction from the waves of emotion that radiated off him.

“I know.” I muttered. I wanted to say more; I felt a strange need to lighten the tension between us, but my deeply ingrained behaviour to protect myself wouldn’t allow me to bring my walls down any lower without some show of trust from him first.

“I failed him.” Bellamy’s words cut through the silence between us and his voice cracked as he spoke. I could feel the hurt pouring from him and it felt as if he had allowed himself to be real at last. I sighed, surprised that he had chosen to be vulnerable first and allowed myself to be honest in my response.

“No Bellamy, you didn’t.” I replied sternly and he turned to face me with tears in his eyes. My breath hitched for a moment at the raw emotion in his face and I felt my heartbeat quicken. “It came out of nowhere. It was fast and deadly.” I asserted as I provided the unbiased facts that I knew he would not be able to acknowledge through his own guilt.

“You didn’t lose anyone here.” He dropped his gaze back to the ground and I noticed he was balling his fists. I could only imagine that he was berating himself in his mind and I felt sympathy for him. I considered the differences in our circumstances and tried to offer him some relief.

“We were standing outside the perfect shelter. You were out in the wilderness. You can’t compare the situations, you’re being unfair to yourself.” I spoke firmly and surprised myself at my own determination not to allow him to blame himself. I believed what I said, but I hadn’t expected to be defending him any time soon. It was silent between us for a while, but for the first time it wasn’t uncomfortable or tense. I was content to keep him company whilst he reflected on the events of the day and he looked as if he were deep in thought. 

“I couldn’t finish him.” He knotted his hands together and studied straight down at the ground when he finally spoke again. I was stunned by his honesty and I took a small sharp breath. I hadn’t realised the full extent of what happened out there and I felt the weight of his confession.

“The fog didn’t kill him?” I enquired gently as I felt terrible for asking him to relive the traumatising situation. Bellamy shook his head, but didn’t look up at all. It made sense that he couldn’t face me as he recounted what had happened and I continued to be in awe that he was even discussing this with me at all.

“He begged me to end it and I...I couldn’t do it. After all my threats with Jasper, after telling Clarke that she couldn’t make the tough decisions, I had to rely on her to do it.” His voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper and I could tell that every word he spoke was something he needed to share. I sighed and thought carefully about how to respond. I completely understood feeling as if he couldn’t act up to his claims, as I struggled to produce some wisdom after my earlier assertion that I was the only person in camp with any.

“It’s no simple thing to take a life, not even in mercy. Sometimes, the person who has the instincts to make the right choice and the person who is able to act on those choices are different. There’s no shame in that.” I spoke slowly and thoughtfully as I tried to summarise the lessons my father had taught me into something easily absorbable. He peeked up at me, his face full of torment and regret and my heart ached for him. 

“I’m their leader, they need to be able to rely on me. I _ have _ to act on my choices.” His words were firm and defensive, but not unreasonable. It was clear to me that he had been affected by my earlier verbal attacks more than he let on, as he revealed an awareness of his responsibility as a leader that had been absent before.

“Next time you will.” I answered confidently, not expecting to believe my words so strongly. “None of us expected to have to make these choices, it’s going to take time to adjust. You’re going to make mistakes, but you’ll learn from them.” I reasoned as I hoped to make him realise that he was not trained for this. “Just start honing those instincts, they’ll lead you right.” I smiled reassuringly at him as I repeated the advice that I had often given Octavia with a feeling of nostalgia. I was shocked to find him staring at me with an expression of absolute wonder and broke our eye contact with an uncomfortable shuffle. He dropped his face down into his hands and rubbed at his eyes before getting to his feet. 

“We’d better get back.” He tried to force his voice to return to it’s normal, matter of fact tone but I could still sense the anguish behind his words. “I’m going hunting again tomorrow, whatever I catch, you’ll get the first serving. Don’t worry, I don’t want anything from you in exchange, just consider it a thank you for this.” He held his hand out to me and I allowed him to help me to my feet. Once up I felt more stable and made my way back to the dropship alone. 

By the time I had struggled up the ladder to the top floor it seemed quiet and only Octavia, Monty and Finn were sitting in the room. They were passing around a glass bottle and I snatched it to take a long swig without questioning it. The thick alcohol burned down my throat into my stomach sickeningly and I coughed lightly in disgust. I’d never drank alcohol before and didn’t trust myself to handle it usually, so quickly handed the bottle back to Monty with a grimace.

“What was that?” Octavia looked up in amazement at me and I dropped myself down next to her. She analysed sceptically, knowing how I felt about alcohol and I squirmed under her scrutiny. “Did something happen?” She hinted, causing Bellamy’s tormented face to pop into my mind and I felt my cheeks flushing. I had needed the drink after that conversation and still felt confused as to how it happened. I quickly pushed the thought away and tried to avoid Octavia’s interested expression. 

“Nothing. It’s been a hell of a day is all.” I grumbled as I turned my face away to cover my blush. Just as Finn was about to drink from the bottle, a voice caught us all by surprise. 

“Can I, uh...get a hit of that?” Jasper’s faint words caused a wave of excitement from us all. 

“Jasper!” Monty exclaimed, immediately jumping to his feet, followed by the rest of us. Finn rushed forward to grab the water canister for him and Monty hopped straight on to the bottom of the bed, practically crouched over him. 

“Let’s start with the soft stuff.” Finn stressed as he held the canister to his mouth so that he could drink. Octavia and I held hands and smiled at each other, observing the scene from his bedside. Internally I thanked every force I could think of for keeping him alive. Once Jasper was done drinking, Finn helped lay him back down. “Welcome back buddy.” He chirped and we all echoed his cheer.

Jasper struggled to raise his hand and for a moment I worried that he was reaching for something, but Monty immediately grabbed it. I realised they were simply reconnecting and smiled warmly. It gave me hope to see them reunited and I prayed that it was a sign of a turning tide. 

“Was that a dream or did I get speared?” Jasper cracked and I couldn’t stifle a snort of laughter.

“You’ll have a very impressive scar to prove it.” I jumped at the sound of Clarke’s voice, who had just stepped into the room and was beaming at Jasper. 

“My saviour!” He cheered as enthusiastically as he could manage in his condition. Clarke crouched by his side, her smile fading to disbelief. 

“Thank you, for not dying.” She spoke gently and with a tone of absolute wonder. “I don’t think I could have taken that today.” In this moment, I completely agreed with her sentiment and felt the same disbelief that something so positive had happened.

“Well, I’ll try not to die tomorrow too if that’s cool.” Jasper replied. I smiled at his wit and was relieved to see that the suffering he’d endured over the past few days hadn’t damaged his sense of humour. I noticed the others chuckled around me with a fond smile. It was the first time I’d seen them show any sign of a smile since the river. Octavia leaned over to pat his leg and Jasper seemed to suddenly notice her at his side. 

“Oh, hello!” He crooned in a delighted manner. This time real laughter carried in the group, including Octavia and she smiled wider than I’d ever seen before. After a few small, contented groans Jasper passed back into sleep and we all simply took a moment to smile at each other to bask in our relief. I knew that tonight would be the first time we slept properly since our bumpy arrival here.


	8. Dᴏ As Yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ Tᴏʟᴅ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇs:** Dᴀʏs ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ Eᴀʀᴛʜ Kɪʟʟs & Mᴜʀᴘʜʏ's Lᴀᴡ

The following morning I awoke to find activity buzzing in the camp. True to his word, Bellamy had been considering his approach to leadership and had set up patrols around our territory to guard against the grounders. He’d also brought food straight to me as promised and after a small meal I was feeling back to my usual snarky, trouble making self. I had barely been outside observing the situation for a few minutes when Octavia approached me with interest.

“Hey, you’re looking better this morning.” She smiled but I could see the curiosity behind her face and felt tension in my stomach. 

“I told you, it was nothing a good meal couldn’t fix.” I tried to sound casual and moved to pass her, but she blocked my way.

“You got some of the food?” She questioned and although I tried to hide my wrist, I wasn’t quick enough to stop her from noticing my wristband. “Bellamy let you eat without trading again? He’s really set on impressing you.” There was a coy smile with her words and I shifted uncomfortably.

“It’s not like _ that _, we reached a different agreement. It was a thank you.” I answered in an unamused manner. Octavia’s eyebrows raised suggestively and my eyes widened. I felt my face flush and my stomach lurched in horror as I realised all of the depraved places that her mind was likely to go in response to my words. “God no! Whatever you’re thinking, unthink it!” I hissed and she laughed wickedly at my discomfort. 

“Wow, things really are crazy around here.” She sighed and I studied her quizzically in response to her comment. “Shit, you didn’t know.” She added as she met my eyes with an uncomfortable expression. “Someone found Wells dead this morning just outside camp. They think grounders got him, hence all the patrols.” She explained and my mouth dropped open in response.

“Dead?” I gasped and Octavia seemed apologetic for her slip up. This was clearly not the way she had intended on telling me this information and I paused as I processed it. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed that Bellamy’s changes had been inspired by something so extreme, rather than him just having faith in our recollections of the attack on Jasper.

“Yeah, Bellamy is talking to the guys about building a wall around camp, trying to keep us covered.” She added and I nodded in agreement of this idea. “Personally I think it’s a great idea to give the guys something to keep busy with, rather than harassing us.” Octavia’s words carried a frustrated tone and my attention was riveted to her.

“Who’s harassing you?” I snapped as I scanned the camp for any signs of activity. I could already feel a rage lighting in my chest as I considered the idea that anyone could be causing Octavia trouble.

“Not me, calm down.” She sighed as she observed my reaction with amusement. “A couple of the other girls in camp mentioned they’re having problems, guys getting overly handsy with them. No one misses the laws of the Ark but without any authority down here there’s no one for them to go to.” She seemed invested in this as she spoke and I could tell that it was getting to her. I didn’t like the idea of getting involved with anyone else in camp, I certainly hadn’t bothered with them on the Ark. I found the idea of trusting anyone else difficult but as I reflected on the reason for my imprisonment, I knew that I couldn’t simply ignore this information either. I considered her words for a moment and shifted on the spot. 

“Okay, leave it with me. I’ll see if I can come up with something.” I answered firmly and she was obviously surprised. It wasn’t typical of me to deal with other people’s problems and I could see in her face that she hadn’t expected me to do so. I wandered through the busy camp and beelined for Bellamy’s tent. I waited for a moment outside and couldn’t hear any voices, before calling to him and stepping in. Bellamy looked thoughtful when I entered and quickly got to his feet to greet me. 

“Hey sorry to interrupt, I know there’s a lot going on. Have you got a second?” I asked gingerly, feeling slightly uncomfortable about being alone in his tent with him, especially after Octavia’s weird comments. I hadn’t decided what I was going to say yet but this seemed like the most sensible place to start and after last night I expected us to be able to discuss a solution.

“Of course, what can I do?” He smiled as he spoke and I was glad to see that the tension hadn’t returned between us.

“Some of the girls in the camp are having issues.” I began and Bellamy was immediately concerned. I took a deep breath as I prepared myself to explain, already starting to feel uncomfortable. “It’s great that we’ve got more freedom down here, but I think we might need to set some ground rules?” My voice came out uncertain and I wasn’t pleased that the feeling had escaped me. The realisation dawned on me that I may have been too impulsive in taking this on.

“I’m listening.” Bellamy replied, sitting back down with an amused look. He seemed relaxed around me, which was surprising considering that I usually put him on edge. Unfortunately the feeling was not mutual as I tried to think of a way to explain this to the most promiscuous person in camp. 

“Look, there’s no way to say this that isn’t awkward so I’m just gonna spit it out. Some of the guys are getting a little...overexcited?” I spoke with more hand gestures than usual and suddenly found myself seriously doubting my decision to bring this to him. I squirmed on the spot as I spoke and only felt worse when Bellamy laughed in response.

“You’re kidding me?” He asked, only to sigh when I didn’t smile back. “Indigo, I have grounders just outside our camp that killed someone last night. Are you seriously asking me to speak to the guys about sexual harassment?” He watched me with bemusement and I gulped.

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “People are concerned, I thought you’d want to know.” I fidgeted on the spot and stared at the ground. I wasn’t sure what I had expected from him, but his behaviour over the past 24 hours had made me feel that I could come to him with any concerns. 

“I don’t have time for this.” He sounded exasperated as he got to his feet and began pacing around the space. “I have serious threats to deal with.” He groaned and I began to feel stressed. I could quickly feel the tension returning between us and my frustration with his hot and cold attitude was building. 

“This is a threat! They don’t feel safe. They feel like they have no one to go to. It needs to be dealt with.” I replied in a more aggressive manner than intended. The agitation that I was feeling had seeped into my words and he surveyed me in disbelief.

“You’re a girl aren’t you?” He sighed and I crossed my arms at him in annoyance. “Why don’t you deal with it?” He suggested, turning his back on me to gather his things. 

“Fine, I will. I’m so glad I came to speak to our considerate leader, you were great.” I jabbed bitterly, before storming out of his tent. After our conversation the night before I thought we’d found some common ground, but this had quickly disappeared. I felt just as disappointed and angry with him as I had before. I stomped straight out of camp and into the words, pacing around in fury. I wasn’t observing my surroundings and by the time I’d brought my attention back to the current moment, I’d come across a clearing not far from our lodgings. I used it as a space to practice some of the sparring techniques I had been learning in my cell. It was the first time that I’d had any alone time since the Ark and I needed a chance to burn off some of my temper. When I felt calmer, I strolled back towards camp and bumped into Octavia at the entrance. 

“Hey, how did your brain storming session go?” She smiled confidently. I thought for a moment about where I’d been for the morning and smiled back.

“Brilliant, I’ve had an idea. Grab any of the girls who said they’ve had problems and meet me outside camp.” I instructed her and she keenly left.

***

For the past couple of days I’d been taking small groups of girls out into the woods to teach them self defence. It was proving to be a great success and I was busy several times a day now with various groups. Octavia assisted in sneaking them out and we’d kept to groups of around five to not raise suspicion but it was challenging. They were responding well to the training already and it seemed to be inspiring confidence in them. I focused more of my attention on Octavia than anyone, worried that the threat of Bellamy wasn’t enough to keep her safe now that he was distracted in protecting the camp. We spent extra time out of camp whilst I tutored her one on one, under the guise that I needed her help as an assistant teacher.

This morning I was out with a group going over simple tackles they could use without requiring strength. I had set them up to work in pairs practising on each other whilst Octavia and I watched. I heard footsteps close to the clearing and hushed them. I gathered them all in the brush and we crouched out of sight. The footsteps grew closer and I approached with my knife at the ready. I jumped as I came face to face with Bellamy and Octavia returned the girls to training whilst I spoke with him. He scrutinised the activity of the group in bewilderment before returning his attention to me. 

“What the hell is this? What are you doing out of camp?” He spoke accusingly and immediately caused me to feel defensive.

“What you forced me to do.” I replied curtly and his gaze returned to the group behind me. He watched for a few moments and as the girls began taking each other down, he raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You told me to deal with it, I’m dealing with it.” I stated as I crossed my arms and attempted to seem unfazed by his reaction to my plan.

“Your way of dealing with it is to teach them to flip guys over their shoulder for getting too flirtatious?” He laughed, seeming both perplexed and amused. I could see that he was considering me closely and I wandered if it had crossed his mind that I could’ve done this to him in the first few days, when he kept making outrageous comments. I shrugged in response to his question. 

“I can think of a few that would deserve it.” I answered honestly and he chuckled slightly. “But no, I taught them some simple self defence for the guys and some of them wanted to know more. It makes them feel safer about the grounders.” I spoke with confidence, but already resented having to justify my reasoning. Bellamy scoffed and shifted on the spot, his amusement dissolved back to annoyance.

“Have you forgotten how dangerous it is out here?” He was frustratingly condescending and I gritted my teeth as he spoke. “If they’re nervous about the grounders what the hell are they doing out in the woods?!” He raised his voice slightly toward the end and I raised my brows at him. 

“I haven’t forgotten, but you don’t seem to understand that it’s dangerous for the women of your camp to be there too!” I hissed as I struggled not to draw attention to our conversation. I didn’t want to get a reputation for challenging him on everything, nor did I want the girls to feel that they were doing anything wrong by learning to defend themselves. I knew that at least some of the girls in camp would rather miss out than risk damaging their chances with Bellamy by attending. 

“You’re telling me they’d rather risk getting speared by a grounder than deal with telling a pushy guy to back off?” He was exasperated now, crossing his arms at me. His expression was one of utter disbelief and I found myself shocked by his ignorance.

“Exactly.” I confirmed. I noticed that Octavia was now observing us and so I took hold of his arm to lead him a little further from the group in an effort to keep our conversation private. “We’re not just dealing with regular teenage pressuring issues Bellamy. There’s no authority to be afraid of, you’ve given them no consequences to fear. Some of these girls have been threatened, pushed and almost raped. And you’ve made it clear that they cant come to you as you’re just seeing our time here as one big party.” I explained as I tried to urge him to view this from our side. He seemed offended now and I could tell that I wasn’t getting through to him. My frustration only worsened with every word he said. 

“What do you want me to do? Give them the ‘talk’?” He scoffed again, holding his arms out in exasperation. I huffed in response, sick of him downplaying the issue and felt that he was disrespecting me by doing so.

“This isn’t a joke!” I growled as I became infuriated by his attitude. “These boys of yours are behaving like a pack of wild animals and you need to get them under control.” I snapped and pushed the responsibility back to him. 

“I’m not gonna tell them how to live, this isn’t the Ark.” He replied stubbornly and I could sense his initial attitude returning. I felt disappointment in the pit of my stomach that I’d been fooled into thinking he’d grown.

“So you’re happy to just leave these girls to get raped?” I answered accusingly and he squirmed at my words, finally seeming to acknowledge my anger. He studied the group and then returned his gaze to me with a softer expression. I held my ground, staring at him with an unrelenting gaze as I waited for an answer.

“It’s not going to get to that.” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. My final implication seemed to have reached him at last and he seemed uncomfortable. “You can do the classes, just keep it on the down low and make sure they’re safe wherever you do it. The guys of camp get their asses kicked enough times and they’ll fall into line.” He finally spoke with a reasonable tone but still looked over at the group with an expression of disbelief. I sighed, accepting that this was probably the best I would get from him at the moment. 

“I hope you’re right.” I answered quietly before fixing him with a scrutinising look. “I know that you’re enjoying the attention and that all you’re seeing is girls who want to throw themselves at you, but not everyone here is like you. Try to remember that all the guys here were in prison, they don’t always have your somewhat questionable good values. I have to watch out for the girls because not all of them have a big brother here to protect them.” I peeked at Octavia and for the first time he seemed sympathetic. He sighed, nodded in acknowledgement and left me with my class. I returned to Octavia who was staring at me in mischievous interest. 

“What was all that about?” She smiled as she glanced over to watch Bellamy disappearing from view and then returned her inspection to me.

“He wasn’t happy about the classes. I convinced him.” I sighed in a downplaying manner as I turned my attention back to the girls.

“You seem to do a lot of convincing him.” Octavia muttered just loud enough for me to hear and I glared at her.

***

Classes were going well and the girls were feeling confident. A few days had passed since Bellamy found out about them and we’d dropped hugely in numbers. All of the men in the camp had been drafted into assisting with building a wall around the camp and so girls were assisting in taking over the remaining tasks to free up stronger hands. I couldn’t help wondering if my fear that some girls didn’t want to ruin their chances with him had something to do with it too, but I certainly suspected it. Although I was glad to have my time back, it wasn’t long before I noticed many of the guys in camp working with telltale bruising. I was alarmed at the number of them and grabbed Octavia to check in.

“Oh, yeah, the girls are making good use of the skills you taught them.” She smiled, not seeming to be concerned. I glanced around worriedly, mentally counting the culprits. “God, you and my brother are so alike, he was surprised at how many there were too.” I perceived her quizzically. “He thinks it’s hilarious though, he told me it won't be long before you and your army of women take over. I mean, personally I’m all for it.” She laughed as she playfully punched me on the arm.

“He said that?” I asked, unsure if Bellamy’s comment was as off hand as she’d taken it. I certainly didn’t want the responsibility of leading this camp and I’d hate for him to think that’s what I was after.

“Yeah I think you’re the only person he could joke about taking over.” She smiled mischievously again and I groaned at her implications. I couldn’t see where she was getting these ideas from and it was already becoming tiring. She made suggestions of every interaction that we had and I couldn’t imagine why she would want there to be anything between her best friend and her brother.

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult.” I suggested and she seemed confused by this. “Maybe he just thinks I’m not a credible threat.” I clarified in an attempt to return the conversation to a serious tone.

“Well, if that’s the case he’d be wrong.” She smiled confidently. “You fixed the problem Indigo, you should be proud.” She squeezed my shoulder before heading off to check on Jasper.

I checked in with several groups of workers around the camp, asking what was needed and took the opportunity to assist with topping up water. I enjoyed walking through the forest, despite knowing that there were plenty of dangers that I needed to be aware of. It was easy to forget to enjoy the beauty of our new surroundings after spending a lifetime in a space station. I tried to relish the feeling of the wind in my hair, the sound of the leaves beneath my feet and I put my hands in the water to feel the stream flowing. I filled a bucket and started back towards camp, strolling at a leisurely pace. My senses suddenly kicked into overdrive when I heard footsteps behind me and although I whirled around, I was too slow to catch my follower before they reached me. I was almost face to face with a guy from camp that I didn’t recognise. He was tall, probably around the same height as Bellamy, so he towered over me. He had buzz cut hair, was broad shouldered and heavy set. He wore a maroon jacket with the sleeves rolled up and his hands were comfortably in his pockets.

“Shit, you scared me.” I breathed as I gripped the bucket of water that I’d almost dropped in my startle and tried to keep my tone light. He sneered at me, seeming pleased with himself. 

“I didn’t think anything scared you.” He replied as he stepped closer confidently and I scanned him in confusion. I couldn’t recall seeing him before, in the Skybox or camp and so couldn’t understand why he was talking as if he knew me.

“Do I know you?” I interrogated as I took a step back to retain some distance. He was clearly a part of our camp from his jacket, but there were few faces I’d bothered getting to know whilst on the Ark and even fewer that I’d invested any time into since being here. I had enough stress with keeping my eye on Octavia and the guys she was after. The stranger smiled and moved closer again. I tried to step back, but my foot bumped into a tree and I realised I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Something about his attitude and movements made my stomach lurch. 

“No, but I know you.” He smirked as his eyes explored me in a flirtatious manner and I felt as if I might retch. “You’re the one they all think is a murderer…” He trailed off as he stepped into my personal space with a strange fascination in his eyes.

“I am.” I confirmed sternly as my body tensed without me deciding to do so. I was feeling threatened now and I didn’t know what he wanted from me. If the confirmation of this could scare him off, I was more than willing to give it.

“I’ve never met another person convicted of murder, plenty of them said they were back in the Skybox, but most of that was prison bullshit. I wonder if you’re the same, I’ve never seen you do anything particularly intimidating…” He seemed to be thinking out loud and he was alarmingly close to me now. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be _ with _ someone like me…” He drawled in an insinuating voice. He reached towards me and I instinctively knocked him back, somehow still gripping the bucket. 

“Back off.” I warned in a deep voice as I grew alarmed at his words. He smiled in exhilaration at my reaction rather than seeming intimidated as I’d have expected.

“There it is, you might actually be the real deal!” He exclaimed with an excitement that didn’t seem warranted. “There’s so many guys in camp that would _ love _ to get their hands on the murderer, but I’m gonna be the first. Now be a good girl and do as you’re told.” He sneered as he stepped towards me again. 

Suddenly he lunged forward and I dropped the bucket, allowing water to splash up everywhere. He pinned me against the tree, knocking the air out of my lungs and began groping my body. I tried to scream but I was winded and couldn’t make a sound. I attempted to concentrate, to focus my body into using any of the self defence that I had learned as his hands roamed my figure. Instead my mind was simply full of images of my mother and all of the times that she was attacked. I remembered feeling frustrated that she didn’t defend herself, or tell someone what was happening but in this moment I completely understood the terror that she had felt as I froze to the spot. He tried to thread his hand under my shirt and the movement jolted me, allowing me to spring into action. I pushed at him with all my might and now that he was distracted, his focus had shifted onto containing me. 

“That’s it, fight me.” He taunted as he pushed my arms down and pinned me harder. In a second of clarity, I fought enough to free one of my legs and forced my knee between his legs with as much force as I could muster. He bent slightly and let out a wheeze, but I still couldn't release my arms. Using my extra range of movement, I wiggled desperately to try to escape from under him and instead resorted to sinking my teeth into his shoulder. He cried out in pain and as his weight shifted, I screamed as loud as I could manage in the movement of throwing him off me. Now that my hands were free, I pulled the makeshift dagger from the back of my trousers and crouched into a defensive stance, holding the dagger out in front of me and bouncing on my feet ready to attack. Once he’d recovered, he revealed a wicked smile. 

“Oh you really are a challenge, you think you can stop me with that?” He laughed darkly and I felt dread in the pit of my stomach. His eyes sparkled with excitement and I realised just how much danger I was in.

“Come near me and I _ will _ fucking kill you.” I threatened as I gripped the dagger so hard that my knuckles turned white. He snorted in laughter and took a mocking step forward. I lunged forward to swing the knife at him and he jumped back. “Don’t fucking test me!” I roared furiously as I braced myself for an attack.

In the distance I picked up the sound of frantic footsteps heading towards us, but held my ground. My attacker didn’t seem to have noticed and continued pacing around me in an antagonising manner. I knew I just had to hold him off until help arrived but I could hardly control my temper. I felt the same wild defensiveness that I had felt when protecting my mother and I could tell that I was becoming reckless. The footsteps grew closer and I thought I heard my name called. I took my attention from him momentarily to see a blurred figure in the distance. As I did this, my attacker grabbed my wrist and disarmed me. I cried out and immediately after was struck across the face with an overwhelming force. I fell on my hands and knees and although I was dazed, I sprung back up just in time to stop him from pinning me to the ground. I pushed him back as hard as I could and in the same moment that he grabbed hold of my shoulders, a blur of black pummelled into him. 

As he slammed into the dirt, my eyes focused on the scene beside me. Bellamy had my attacker pinned to the ground and was slogging him in the face repeatedly. I struggled to pull him off, desperately begging him to calm down. By the time I was able to get through to him, my assailant was bleeding from every orifice and hardly able to breathe. 

“Bellamy stop! You’ll kill him!” I screeched as I forced him to his feet with considerable strain. When I was finally able to tear his focus away from assaulting the attacker, Bellamy immediately turned to face me. 

“Are you hurt? Look at your face!” He yelled as he ran a hand gently over my cheekbone where I was struck. I flinched in pain even under his delicate touch and he gritted his teeth in anger. “What the fuck happened?!” He growled. I opened my mouth to answer but was interrupted by the guy who attacked me struggling to his feet. 

“She’s a crazy bitch that’s what happened!” He gasped as he made a show of seeming bewildered. “She lured me out here all sweet and when I tried to act on it she turned on me.” He spat, barely able to stay standing following the extensive damage that Bellamy had inflicted on him. By now a crowd was starting to gather and I couldn’t think straight. I was overwhelmed at the idea of explaining what had just happened to an audience. Bellamy studied me sympathetically before turning his furious expression back to him. 

“So you hit her? Knock her about, throw her to the ground? Looks like things were getting pretty out of control here.” He exclaimed as he stared at the attacker in disbelief. I heard several people shifting in the crowd as they grew uneasy and I couldn’t tell who they believed.

“I was giving her what she deserved, dirty little fucking tease. She’s lucky-” He began as he regarded me with a sadistic smile that shattered the impression that he was striving to give. Before he could finish his tirade Bellamy strode forward and lifted him into the air by his throat.

“Shut the fuck up!” He snarled and I flinched at veracity in his voice. “From now on, anyone who tries to put their hands on Indigo will have me to answer to, is that clear?!” He scathed with his hands shaking with anger. I was stunned at his words and I couldn’t quite believe how furious he was. I thought I’d seen the worst of his temper a few nights ago when Murphy had bad mouthed Octavia, but this was on a whole other level. People gasped and jumped back when they saw the state of the guy Bellamy was holding up and after letting him gasp for air for a while, he dropped him like he was nothing. The moment that he dropped to the floor he scampered in the direction of camp, clearly terrified of Bellamy. After a few seconds people started to disperse and Bellamy turned back to me, taking a few breaths to calm himself down and soften his tone.

“Hey, are you okay?” He enquired as he inspected me with soft, sympathetic eyes. I could barely catch my breath still and my legs shook relentlessly. I couldn’t imagine how I looked, but I felt like all the blood had drained from my body so I imagined that I was quite pale. My face throbbed and I had to admit that I was glad at least that he’d hit the opposite side to my last black eye, which had only just healed. I wasn’t sure if I was injured anywhere else yet, I couldn’t process the feelings in my body. Instead I just peeked up at Bellamy with what I hoped was a confident face and tried to act strong. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I breathed but my words sounded soft and terrified. He carefully leaned forward to touch me, moving slowly so as not to startle me. His touch was as if he was dealing with broken glass, as he pushed my hair back to check the rapidly developing black eye and he quickly checked over the areas he could see for any injuries. 

“That fucking bastard. What the hell happened out here?” He asked as he strained to contain his temper whilst he observed my nervous form, but his emotions still shined through his words as clear as day.

“Exactly what I said, boys that don’t understand no.” I replied shakily, still processing what had just happened myself. Things had escalated so quickly and I hadn’t reacted how I’d imagined. It dawned on me that the self defence courses weren’t going to be enough, that the terror of being attacked would always overwhelm any skills. Bellamy shifted awkwardly as if he were considering what to say. I didn’t like to make him feel that this was his fault, but I wished he’d listened to me earlier. 

“I’m sorry. I…I didn’t realise you were..._ involved _.” He raised a brow at me as he spoke and rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort. I quickly realised that he thought this was a lovers tiff that escalated to dangerous levels. I felt my nerves rapidly dissipating to anger as he continued to be clueless to the danger that myself and every other woman in this camp faced.

“I wasn’t!” I hissed and winced at the strain of it. “This wasn’t some fun that got out of control Bellamy, he just saw that I was alone and grabbed me.” I spat, frustrated that my voice wasn’t adequately displaying my temper through the shock I was feeling. “Apparently the guys have got some morbid obsession with shagging a murderer and can’t handle that I’m not interested in any of them.” I growled as I rubbed my tender face in an act of self comfort. Bellamy seemed hung up on the last part for a moment, before his eyes grew wide and he stared at me in disbelief. 

“Wait a second, you were in for murder?!” His words were of total shock and I cringed. I was hurt by his reaction and the immediate judgement that I could see in his face. I knew that it was unfair to blame him for the normal reaction, but the circumstances of my past were complicated and I felt I didn’t deserve the way he was analysing me.

“You’ve gotta be the only one here who didn’t know. That’s how _ stupid _ your boys are, they think it’s a good idea to overpower a murderer, it’s a fucking fetish for them.” I could feel my temper growing again as I spoke and I fidgeted on the spot. I tried not to focus on him, able to feel him shifting his behaviour as he reflected on the new information and I could feel a hint of upset underneath my shock.

“They’re not going to try anything with you again.” He stated firmly and sighed before he spoke again in a reluctant voice. “I’m not sure if that’s for your protection or theirs though.” He avoided my gaze as he muttered and I glared at him furiously. 

“Oh don’t start this ‘_ I’m seeing you differently _’ bullshit on me.” I spat and the hurt was clear in my voice. “Yes, I’m a murderer and no I don’t have to explain myself to you.” I felt defensive and any trust that I had for him had been replaced with spite. “You may have used your macho points to protect me, but what about all the other women in this camp that are less capable? How are you going to protect them? Or do you only care about me and your sister?” I ranted as I noticed that I was shaking with rage.

“Give it time Indigo, the message is getting around that you girls can fight back and they’re not going to try with _ you _ again. Just give it time.” He sounded sympathetic as he spoke, but I remained furious.

“I’ve already given time to your way. Time got us here.” I indicated to myself and he cringed. I turned on my heel to storm back to camp and he quickly appeared at my side. 

“What are you going to do?” He asked cautiously and I couldn’t tell if he was more concerned for my safety or for what I might do. 

“If you hadn’t noticed I’m not in much of a state to do anything right now!” I snapped as I threw him a look that said I didn’t want to be followed. “I’m going to see Clarke, get patched up.” I stated coldly. I increased my pace to get ahead of him and was relieved that he took the hint and dropped back to give me space.


	9. Cᴏɴғɪʀᴍɪɴɢ Sᴜsᴘɪᴄɪᴏɴs

I didn’t sleep at all that night or the next day. I passed my time in a small room which I had locked myself in, in the back of the drop ship. I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t want to talk about my feelings and I couldn’t deal with anyone bringing me their problems. I’d allowed Clarke to check me over when Octavia refused to leave the other side of the door and considered myself fortunate not to have any other injuries than the black eye. I remembered the states I’d seen my mother in from her attacks which worsened over the years and I was thankful that I’d got off light. When I finally felt ready to emerge from the room, I found Octavia sitting at the door waiting and she immediately jumped up to throw her arms around me. I didn’t hug her back, still feeling uncomfortable with contact even from her. Instead I waited awkwardly for her to release me and took a few slow breaths to keep myself calm. She stepped back and viewed me with tears rolling down her cheeks. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” She breathed between sniffs and I scoffed. 

“There’s nothing you could have done Tavi, if you were there he’d have just waited to get me alone.” I asserted and she nodded as she dried her face.

I’d managed to force myself into a point of acceptance and reasoned with myself about the reality of what ifs. After all the years of thinking about what had happened to my mum and watching how she dealt with it, I knew that I couldn’t let this be the end of me. I couldn’t say that I’d dealt with my feelings on it, rather that I’d stuffed them into a box in the back of my mind. I needed to be able to focus on survival. It was strange to consider this insane situation of being stranded on Earth a blessing, but after this traumatic event, I did. It gave me something bigger to focus on, something that my mother didn’t have in the stifling routines and never changing environment of the Ark. I hoped that this would help me not to fall apart like she did. Octavia growled in fury and the sound pulled me from my thoughts. 

“Bellamy should have killed him.” She clenched her fists as she spoke and I took one of them in mine to gently encourage her to relax. It was difficult to touch her but I knew that I had to confront this new fear of contact quickly if I didn’t want this behaviour to haunt me in the long term.

“He nearly did.” I divulged gently and Octavia released a small smile. “I’m glad that I stopped him. Where is  _ he _ now?” I asked anxiously, still deciding if I thought I could venture outside yet. I couldn’t bear the thought that he might be wandering around camp waiting for an opportunity to try again and after Bellamy’s changed view on me, I didn’t have the same faith in him to have adequately dealt with the situation. 

“We’ve got him locked up. I’d say it was to protect the others from him, but I think it’s honestly more to keep Bellamy from finishing him off.” She smiled gently at me and I raised a brow at her in surprise. “He’s been pacing around outside this door almost as much as I’ve been sitting outside it.” She added, indicating to the room I’d locked myself in. I was confused at hearing this but it did at least make me feel protected. It also reassured that even with his new discovery about me he still intended to confront this incident.

I smiled and thanked Octavia before dragging myself up the ladder to a hammock on the small space of the top floor. I found Jasper sitting on his bed looking far better than he had in weeks. I smiled at the sight of him and he simply looked at me with soft sympathetic eyes. I couldn’t bear to discuss the situation with anyone yet so I strolled straight to the hammock and made myself comfortable. Jasper approached cautiously and stood awkwardly at the side of the hammock. 

“I…” He stuttered softly and I noticed more anxiety in his voice than I was used to. I peeked up at him expectantly. “I’m still not quite at my best, but I’ll stay here and keep watch while you sleep.” He smiled warmly and my eyes filled with hot tears. Unable to manage any words, I replied with a thankful smile and settled into a comfortable position.

***

By the following morning I’d managed to fall into an exhaustion filled sleep. Although my body felt rested, my mind was still drained. My night had been filled with horrific nightmares of different imagined outcomes of what would have happened to me if Bellamy hadn’t come to my rescue. I’d never even considered sleeping with anyone or reflected on how I’d want my first time to be, but I was horrified at the idea that it could have been destroyed by violence. The experience had only reinforced my fear of intimacy and I worried that this would only make it even harder for me to trust someone in future.

I struggled out of bed and got myself appropriately dressed. My clothes, like everyone else’s, were already starting to look ragged. I’d dumped the bomber jacket that we all had variations of not long after arrival when the back ripped open. Everyone else seemed to be either accepting the damage or fixing it with patches, but I couldn’t see the point in keeping it. I’d simplified my clothing to just my acid washed denim shirt, black cargo pants and black boots. My red hair was starting to fade but it didn’t bother me. I was far more frustrated that the shaved side had started to grow back in and as it got fluffier, it became itchy. I caught a glimpse of myself in one of the reflective surfaces and realised that the black eye had already developed into an angry looking red and purple section which spread right down to my cheekbone. I sighed at my reflection, which wasn’t an unusual reaction to seeing myself.

“That’s one hell of a shiner.” Octavia’s voice was filled with humour which I could tell was forced. I turned to see her standing by the hatch with a gentle smile. “I left you to sleep, thought you needed it.” She added and approached me with a small bag which she handed to me. “Bellamy asked me to make sure you got it.” She explained as I opened the bag to find food inside. I smiled thankfully and sat to dig in, realising that I was suddenly ravenous. Octavia sat beside me to keep me company in comfortable silence as I ate. Once I’d finished I noticed that she was staring at me with interest and I studied her quizzically. She reached out and ruffled the short hair on the left side of my head with an amused smile. “You’re getting a little fuzzy there, friend.” She stated and I grumbled back at her. “Do you want me to trim it?” She suggested.

“Ha, that’s funny.” I smirked back at her and she raised a brow at me.

“I’m serious, we have scissors in camp, someone snuck them in their clothes.” She explained with a pleased expression and I shrugged back half heartedly. “Would it make you feel better about yourself?” She grilled and I scoffed at the ridiculous question. 

“What does that matter?” I chuckled darkly under my breath and she didn’t seem amused by my bitterness. “I think we’ve got more important things to deal with here than hairstyles.” I fiddled absentmindedly with the pockets on my trousers, uncomfortable to even be discussing self image. I had never been the most confident person and watching everyone couple up had only increased the feeling that I didn’t compare to the other girls well. It didn’t matter, I didn’t want the attention but it definitely affected how I viewed myself. When you added the malnourishment, lack of sleep and showers, and black eye into the mix, I could see why I wasn’t at the top of anyone's list to pursue.

“It matters because I just watched you look at your reflection like a kicked puppy and I’m not happy about it.” She answered sternly. “Things have sucked since getting here. If I can do something to bring your attitude back, I want to.” She smiled with such genuine care that it broke through my defences. I nodded reluctantly in agreement and she excitedly rushed to get supplies.

When I finally stepped out into camp, I was armed with a fresh haircut and had begrudgingly sat through some nonsense face massage that Octavia insisted would help with blood flow to heal the black eye. I tried to stroll casually through camp but I could immediately feel everyone's eyes on me. I attempted to look busy in an effort to distract people, but instead I picked up the sounds of whispering all around me. I turned on the spot and rushed back towards the dropship, keeping my eyes on the ground when Bellamy blocked my path.

“Indigo!” He exclaimed as he smiled softly at me. “It’s good to see you, did you get the food?” He enquired and I nodded thankfully in his direction but couldn’t meet his eyes. I was sure that he was staring sympathetically at me and I couldn’t deal with his pity right now. “How's that bruising coming along?” He asked as he gently took hold of my chin and lifted my face to view me. I was surprised to find that I wasn’t uncomfortable with his touch and realised that things didn’t seem to have changed between us at all. Although he’d made a fuss at the time, I couldn’t feel any difference in his behaviour now that he knew of my crime. I finally brought my eyes to him and was relieved to see the absence of pity. He examined my cheek with a delicate touch and when his eyes met mine they were full of wonder. “A few more days and that should settle. I’m glad you’re not hiding it.” It wouldn’t have been easy to hide, as it was on the same side as my short hair and my outgrown fringe swept across the other side of my face. “You look good.” He cleared his throat awkwardly as he spoke, and I looked up at him in disbelief. 

“Octavia gave me a haircut.” I stated in a matter of fact manner, not knowing how to respond to his compliment. I didn’t get them often and I’d never been able to receive them well.

“I didn’t realise that was a skill of hers.” He chuckled and I couldn’t help but smile in response. I decided that things did feel different between us somehow and I couldn’t describe what it was. Perhaps it was that after rescuing me and guarding me whilst I recovered, I felt safe around him. Before this I had always felt that he was unpredictable and even selfish. I wasn’t sure if I could anticipate his decisions still, but I at least felt that there was some consideration behind his actions and that I could even maybe depend on him.

“Umm, Indigo?” I turned to see Roma, one of the girls from my classes standing awkwardly beside me. “Could I speak to you for a minute? Alone?” She spoke quietly as she assessed me.

I glanced back at Bellamy who looked concerned and nodded to indicate that I was okay. I followed Roma anxiously through camp, unable to shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen. Although I hadn’t wanted to say no or to worry Bellamy, I was terrified that she would question me over my experience. Roma stepped into a tent and I paused reluctantly. I took a deep breath to steel myself and stepped in behind her. I gasped as I adjusted to the space and noticed Fox, another girl from my group, sitting in the tent. She had clearly been beaten, with multiple bruises including a split lip and I worried what other injuries I couldn’t see.

“What is this?!” I gasped as I turned to Roma in horror. She shifted awkwardly and I returned my gaze to Fox who had tears quietly rolling down her cheeks. I sat beside her slowly and was careful not to crowd her. “Who did this to you?” I asked gently and she simply shook her head at me. I glanced up at Roma.

“It was Zach.” Roma clarified quietly and I cringed in response. I reflected on Bellamy’s confidence that fighting back would solve the problem with the boys in our camp and sighed. I had a horrible feeling that he had been wrong and the consequences were about to crush us both under them. 

“What happened?” I enquired reluctantly with a terror building of the answer. I hoped with every shred of my being that the bruises on her skin were reflective of her defending herself and not of something more sinister.

“Same thing that  _ almost _ happened to you.” Roma replied with an apologetic expression and I shivered at her words. I realised this was probably the most sensitive way she could have explained it for Fox, but it only caused immense guilt to build in my gut. Bellamy couldn’t come running to the rescue of every woman in this camp.

“He didn’t?” I whispered to Fox, who immediately cried out in tears. My stomach flipped and I thought that I was going to throw up. I knew that they’d chosen to tell me because they thought I could help them. They thought I would understand what Fox was going through, and I did, but I didn’t feel at all equipped to deal with this. I indicated for Roma to comfort her friend and made my way out of the tent.

Once I was out in the fresh air I headed to a secluded part of camp. I covered my face with my hands and allowed myself a moment to quietly cry. I trembled with the shock of what I had just witnessed and the reality of what Fox had endured hit me all at once. I rushed further into the trees and vomited, causing hot tears to rush down my face. I took a moment to try to regain my composure and as I considered the situation, I paced between the trees. I felt my temper growing out of my control. With the rage bubbling inside me, I suddenly felt stronger and I rushed to seek Bellamy, dragging him into his tent without a word. Once inside I turned my anger on him without warning. 

“It happened!” I growled as I broke into furious pacing and I struggled to gather my thoughts into a cohesive form. 

“What happened?” Bellamy asked in confusion whilst watching my movements with concern. “Did someone go for you again?!” His voice quickly dropped to anger and I was momentarily flattered that he was immediately ready to protect me again.

“No, not me! Someone in this camp crossed a line! I told you that basic self defence wasn’t going to be enough to protect these girls and now I’ve been called to a tent to deal with one of them shaking, crying and beaten black and blue. She was raped, Bellamy!  _ It _ happened!” I yelled as I lost control of my voice and spoke plenty loud enough for anyone outside the tent to hear. Bellamy froze to the spot and his face contorted into an expression of pure horror. 

“What?” He whispered, barely able to speak. I stopped pacing and observed him, feeling unsure of what to say next. I panted in my anger but he didn’t move. His eyes remained still and he appeared to be in a state of shock. 

“We have to act, this can’t just be allowed to happen.” I stated. Although I was still angry, I softened my voice to instead appeal to him and hoped that I could reach him through his current state.

“You’re right.” He replied as he came to his senses. When he finally bought his attention to me, his eyes were wide and vacant. I shifted uncomfortably as I felt some regret at my outburst. “I’ll speak to them, we’ll get everyone gathered up now.” Although his words were determined, there was no strength behind them yet and I hated to see him so lost. “You don’t have to tell me who they attacked, but I need to know who did it.” He spoke softly and his expression was apologetic as he asked.

“She says it was Zach. If you need any information you can ask Roma.” I answered carefully, choosing not to disclose Fox’s name. I wanted to allow her the anonymity that I hadn’t been offered. It was her choice who to tell and her experience wasn’t a fireside story to be shared. He grimaced at the name and finally seemed to be moving past the shock into anger. He clenched his fists as he spoke. 

“Thank you. I’ll make sure he’s secured. Hell, I’ll do it at the talk, people need to see that there are consequences.” He spoke firmly and I felt immediately relieved to see him taking this seriously at last. 

***

It wasn’t long before I was standing beside Octavia, watching Bellamy as he addressed the entire camp. People seemed confused by the gathering and surveyed each other suspiciously. It was the first time that work had been halted in days and I suspected that several of them were worried that there had been another killing by the grounders. Bellamy cleared his throat and peeked at me with a subtle nod. 

“Attention everyone!” He announced. The camp fell to silence and all eyes were on him. “It’s come to my attention that some of you are using the freedom you have here to hurt others. That’s not what we’re about. Just because there are no laws, that doesn’t mean that we drop our morals. There are behaviours that will not be tolerated.” He started and I heard several murmurs from the crowd. I was impressed with his careful wording and he spoke with an air of authority. It was clear to me that although he still had a way to go, he had begun to grow into his leadership and I had hope for him. Before I could be too excited by this, my attention was caught by Murphy. As per usual, he stepped forward to cause conflict for the sake of it. 

“You’re seriously going to let complaints from some of the weak in this camp convince you to give us a rule book? I thought you said this wasn’t the Ark.” Murphy argued as he stood in his usual arrogant manner and everything about his attitude made my skin crawl. Bellamy scoffed at him, but I could immediately sense his anger. 

“You’re right, it’s not the Ark. We don’t tell you how to live and we don’t kill people for any minor infraction. But that also means there isn’t protection in place for those who need it. We need to govern ourselves and what behaviours we’ll allow.” Bellamy managed to keep a rational head and I was surprised at how articulate his answer was. I glanced around and was pleased to see that most people were still calmly interested in his words. “There have been incidents and concerns around the intimacy in this camp.”

“It doesn’t seem to be a problem when  _ you _ want to party Bellamy.” Murphy snorted as he crossed his arms and took an offensive stance. I could see the anger flash across Bellamy’s face and in an effort to help him remain calmly authoritative, I decided to bring Murphy down a peg. 

“The difference is that the girls Bellamy is taking to ‘party’ as you call it are consenting and interested. You seem awfully threatened by this Murphy, are you having trouble getting girls interested?” I mocked and he turned his gaze to me with his teeth bared. Several people in the crowd laughed under their breath and I was glad to have undermined his attack. 

“You know, that’s not a problem I have, but I’m not about to watch you bring your chancellor shit in here and start setting laws to control us.” Murphy spat as he aimed his accusations directly at me. I saw Bellamy stiffen in the corner of my eye and scanned the crowd to notice people whispering to each other in the crowd.

“No one is trying to control you, but we need to be clear on what behaviours are exercising your freedom and what is punishable. We do not accept rape in this camp.” Bellamy’s voice grew to an aggressive pitch on the last sentence and he cleared his throat before continuing. “I can’t even believe I’m having to clarify this, but if anyone in this camp is fighting you when you’re trying to  _ party with them _ , maybe you need to consider what you’re doing wrong. Before you accuse them of being the problem, reflect on whether you’ve just got no game.” Bellamy forced a smug smile, but I could feel that it wasn’t genuine. However, several women in the crowd laughed in response and I was glad that it seemed authentic to his audience.

“That’s funny coming from you.” Murphy sneered, drawing attention back to him. “Considering that your method is reserving women.” He inspected me pointedly as he spoke and I felt the rage bubbling in my stomach. I knew that he was baiting me, but after the events of the past week I couldn’t control myself any longer.

“Nobody is  _ reserving _ me. Bellamy stepped in because so many of you think it’s a funny idea to try and shag the murderer. Unfortunately one of you couldn’t deal with being told no.” I spat as I felt the bottled up fury pouring out of me as I spoke. Murphy only seemed spurred on by my words and he wasn’t even looking at Bellamy any more. Instead, he was finally directly attacking me and I quickly realised that I had been his intended target all along. 

“Maybe they were testing whether you were as dangerous as you claim. No one even knows what you’re in for. They all just speculate because you’re weird, isolated, creepy ...they can’t help but gossip about what you  _ might _ have done.” He spoke with such malice that it was clear to me that this had been his play all along and he was making every effort to discredit me by luring me into telling my story. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t know the circumstances of my crime and had no idea how this could backfire. The entire crowd was staring at me with keen interest and I felt intense pressure to answer his accusations. I decided that I had hidden from the truth for long enough and allowed my emotions to fill my words. I caught Bellamy’s nervous expression, but avoided meeting his eyes as I spoke. 

“Yes, I killed someone.” I started firmly, earning several gasps from the crowd. “It was a guard who was abusing his power to regularly come in and rape my mother, for years! I waited for one of his visits and I slit his throat from ear to ear.” I allowed the gruesome details to fill the space and watched as some of the audience flinched. In this moment I decided to play on the fear, using it to defend all of the women in this camp. “You think Bellamy told you to stay away from me to  _ reserve _ me, or protect me?” I scoffed, laughing darkly as I glanced around at their riveted faces. “He did it to protect you from me. So if the threat of punishment doesn’t scare you, remember this: you don’t know what any of us were in for. Anyone in this camp could be more dangerous than you can imagine, attack them and you could be taking your life in your hands.” I taunted. I made sure to emphasise this last point as I scanned the crowd with a forced expression of enjoyment. I nodded at Bellamy before I left him to complete his talk and stomped back to his tent.

I paced around anxiously in his tent, attempting not to panic about the impact that my words might have on my future in this group. I worried that I would be ostracised, that people would be too afraid to work with me. What if people insisted that I was contained? How could Bellamy assure them that I wasn’t a threat? I wasn’t sure how long had passed in my panic when I was distracted by the tent door opening. Bellamy stepped in awkwardly and I waited for him to fill me in on the result of the talk.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” He started, standing with his hands in his pockets and I sighed deeply before answering him. 

“I’m fine.” I lied as I decided that I didn’t want to divulge any more of myself today, not even to him. “I’m glad that you spoke to them. How do you think they took it?” I questioned anxiously as I waited to be told how I would be dealt with. 

“I think they got the message.” He explained and I nodded in response, resuming my pacing around the rent whilst he considered his next words. “Especially after you...well.” Bellamy broke off and I paused in place, standing with my back to him. I was too afraid to turn around to face him again, unsure of where he was going with this. “Was that true?” His words hit me in the stomach and I felt it flip. I couldn’t form any words, so without turning to look at him I nodded. I wasn’t sure how he would react to my confirmation and I stood frozen to the spot in terrified anticipation. “I’m sorry, you don’t deserve to be here for that. You did what you had to.” His reply shocked me and I whipped around to face him. 

“No I didn’t! I did what I wanted to in the moment. I let anger make the decision for me, look where that got me!” My words were accusing and I realised that I did need to talk about it. He analysed me with confusion. 

“You had to protect your family.” He spoke with such a genuine tone that I realised we were more similar than I had originally seen. I was more certain than ever that he would do whatever was necessary to protect Octavia and I was both comforted and fearful for him. I couldn't believe that I needed to convince him that my actions were wrong, when I had expected him to ostracise me or distrust me. I scoffed in response. 

“I could have protected her without taking a life.” I pointed out with an exhausted expression. 

“How? By approaching the council?” Bellamy sounded offended by this suggestion and I was struck by his similarity to Octavia. “We’ve all seen how that goes.” He added bitterly and I felt as if I was having the same conversation I’d had with her countless times.

“I should’ve at least tried.” I admitted. This time I spoke quietly and rubbed at my arms absentmindedly. Bellamy stepped closer, his expression was sympathetic but understanding. I was continually shocked by his reaction, I’d expected him to shout or run for the hills. 

“I’m sure that your mum was relieved. It may not have been the way she’d wanted, but you stopped it. You saved her life.” He reasoned and I couldn’t believe that he would view the situation from such a bizarre standpoint. 

“No I didn’t, I ended it.” I whispered, earning a look of confusion from him as he observed my face closely. “After I was sent to the Skybox, my mum  _ knew _ I wouldn’t be pardoned. Murdering a guard? We’d seen kids floated for less, much less. She couldn’t deal with it, I was all she had left and they were going to float me, just like my dad. She took her life.” I elaborated, shivering as I recounted the story. Although it was awful to talk about, there was something therapeutic about discussing this with Bellamy and his presence somehow seemed to halt the overwhelming wave of emotions that usually came with this conversation. His breath hitched and his eyes grew wide. He stepped closer to me and placed a hand gently on my arm, stopping me from obsessively rubbing at it. 

“I’m sorry Indigo, it wasn’t your fault.” His words were soft but impactful and he met my eyes not with pity but understanding. I sighed deeply, surprising myself at my honesty. 

“That’s what she said. She blamed herself for not ending the situation herself. It  _ was _ my fault, I made the decision and now I have to live with the consequences.” I spoke with certainty and met his eyes with a determined expression. It was only fleeting, but for a moment I was sure that I saw something in his eyes that indicated he related to this statement, before he quickly forced it away. 

“The Ark really fucked us all, huh?” He managed to force a pained smile and I laughed lightly in response.

“Yeah, it did.” I smiled back at him and he squeezed my arm gently. I pulled away from his grip and left the tent feeling content that I’d gotten everything off my chest that I needed to. 


	10. Lᴏsɪɴɢ Cᴏɴᴛʀᴏʟ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Mᴜʀᴘʜʏ's Lᴀᴡ

By the next day the camp had returned to work, and although the atmosphere seemed hostile, I felt relieved to know that warnings had been given. Both of the attackers were being held separate from the rest of the camp and we were yet to have the conversation on what punishment they would receive. For now, the focus of the camp was on building the wall to protect us from grounders and it was important that it stayed that way. I spent the morning checking in on several of the girls from my self defence groups and was pleased to find that they were feeling already safer since Bellamy’s announcement. I had briefly seen Jasper walking around the dropship and knew that Octavia was planning on getting him out of camp today to rebuild his confidence. I was about to find my place assisting a group with putting together spears when I noticed Octavia rushing across camp with Jasper towards Bellamy’s tent, and I followed them without a second thought, concerned for Jasper’s wellbeing. 

When I stepped in, I was surprised to find Clarke already there as I entered with the others. Octavia quickly dropped something onto the table, startling both Bellamy and Clarke. I moved closer to see what it was and found myself facing Bellamy across the table. I avoided his gaze, feeling awkward after our last interaction, but I was quickly distracted from this thought by the scene unfolding in front of us. There were two human fingers alongside a small makeshift knife and I struggled to comprehend where this could have come from. It was quiet as we all stared at each other, waiting for someone to make the first move. Clarke leaned forward and picked up the knife for closer examination. 

“This knife was made with metal from the dropship.” She stated reluctantly, drawing the attention of the room as we processed her words. 

“What do you mean?” Jasper’s voice was low and shaken. It drew my attention immediately and I examined him closely. He seemed to be in a state of shock, and I flinched at the thought that he had discovered this on his first time leaving the camp since his attack. I mentally cursed Earth for continuing to torment him and wished I could take some of the strain from his shoulders.

“Who else knows about this?” Bellamy spoke in a quiet, controlled voice and I watched him with interest. It was clear to me that he was already considering a course of action, and once again I found myself surprised at how well he was growing into leadership. 

“No one, we bought it straight here.” Octavia’s voice was confident and she spoke whilst leaned across the table in a comfortable manner. She was completely absorbed into the matter at hand and didn’t seem to have noticed that Jasper was not coping well with his discovery.

“Clarke?” Jasper questioned, still sounding terrified and I felt my heart ache at his fragile state.

“It means the grounders didn’t kill Wells. It was one of us.” Clarke was still holding the knife, and looked around at us as she spoke with a disbelieving expression. I raised my eyebrows at her statement and found myself quickly meeting Bellamy’s eyes. He seemed to be watching her carefully, his arms crossed as he analysed her but he didn’t seem surprised by her conclusion. Jasper sighed deeply, breaking the tense silence between us all.

“So, there’s a murderer in the camp?” I noticed his knees had started to shake, and I leaned forward to catch Octavia’s eyes. As soon as I had her attention, I looked back at Jasper and she quickly understood my meaning. She straightened up and put a hard on his arm, squeezing gently to bring his gaze to her. He jumped from the sudden contact, but then relaxed a little into her touch and I was glad to see his nerves ease slightly.

“There’s more than one murderer in this camp.” He replied in a matter of fact voice, uncrossing his arms and instead moving his hands to his hips. He seemed troubled by this in a different way to Clarke, and I raised a brow to him playfully.

“I can personally vouch for that.” I added, smiling to cut through to the tension.

“This isn’t news, we need to keep it quiet.” Bellamy continued in his serious tone, although I saw a flitter of entertainment pass over his expression as he glanced at me. He fidgeted on the spot and I could feel the agitation radiating from him. I looked back to Clarke who was now stomping from the tent with purpose, and Bellamy rushed forward to block her exit.

“Get out of my way Bellamy.” She growled, squaring her shoulders at him in frustration and I was shocked to witness such aggressive behaviour from her. Bellamy planted himself on the spot firmly, and stared down at her.. I could tell that it was a struggle for him to behave calmly and he seemed to be attempting to diffuse the situation rather than argue with her. 

“Be smart about this. Look at what we’ve achieved: the wall, the patrols. Like it or not thinking the grounders killed Wells is good for us.” He attempted to reason with her, but from his defensive posture I could tell that he was prepared for this to fail.

“Oh, good for you, you mean?” She spat, and I felt my back stiffen as I grew frustrated with her reaction. It was unlike her to behave this rashly and I was disappointed that she couldn’t see how the recent changes Bellamy had put in place benefited everyone. “What, keep people afraid and they’ll work for you? Is that it?” She added in an accusing tone.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Bellamy replied evenly, keeping his tone calm. I was surprised at his ability to remain sensible with her, as I could already feel myself becoming inpatient at her childish behaviour. “But it’s good for all of us. Fear of the grounders is building that wall.” Clarke opened her mouth to argue and I stepped forward before I’d even considered what I would say. 

“It doesn’t have to be forever, we can discuss sharing this information after the wall is built. But for now, we need this camp to be safe for everyone in it, and that includes you. This isn’t a power struggle Clarke.” My voice carried more aggressively than I intended, and Bellamy looked at me, seeming taken aback that I was defending him. 

“Besides, what are you gonna do? Just walk out there and ask the killer to step forward?” Bellamy returned his attention to her, continuing to block her movements. He stared down at her in bewilderment as she didn’t answer him and I felt dread growing in my stomach. “You don’t even know whose knife that is.” He reasoned with her again, but she only stared back at him in determination.

“Oh really?” She taunted, pulling out the knife and holding it up for him to see. She indicated to some small carved initials inside the handle. “J.M John Murphy.” My stomach lurched at the name and I knew that this could quickly get out of hand if she confronted someone as explosive as Murphy. “The same person you’ve been telling us all along was dangerous, Indigo.” Clarke turned to me with an indignant look, and even though I could tell she was trying to win me to her side, I was annoyed by her efforts to manipulate me. “The people have a right to know.” She spat, pushing her way past Bellamy and out of the tent. I turned to Octavia in a rush. 

“Get Jasper somewhere safe, this could get nasty.” I spoke hastily, following Bellamy from the tent. By the time we’d caught up to Clarke, she was already confronting Murphy and was gathering quite an audience to their dispute. I felt movement to my side, and saw Octavia and Jasper standing nervously beside me. I stared at Octavia in disbelief. “What are you doing? Get him inside Tavi, he is not going to manage if this goes to hell.” I hissed under my breath.

“It’s okay, Bellamy won’t let it get to that.” She answered confidently, moving close to Bellamy’s side as if she were ready to back him up. I watched as Jasper stepped back from her side, and positioned himself slightly behind her with a sympathetic look.I could tell that he had dealt with too much stress for one day, and I feared that any more stress would push him over the edge. I sighed deeply before returning my attention to Clarke and Murphy. 

“The grounders killed Wells, not me.” Murphy deflected quickly, but as usual he moved into Clarke’s face in an attempt to intimidate her. I found myself preparing for a fight, holding myself in a tensed stature. Although his behaviour frustrated me, I didn’t agree with such a public accusation without some more credible evidence.

“I know what you did, and you’re gonna pay for it.” Clarke was allowing her emotions to get the better of her, as she squared herself up to Murphy with a furious expression. I glanced over at Bellamy, and we shared a worried look.

“Really?” Murphy drawled, before finally pulling his focus from Clarke to Bellamy. “Bellamy, you really believe this crap?”

Although I disagreed with the way Clarke had chosen to handle this, I couldn’t help my stomach lurching when he called out to Bellamy for help. It was clear to me over the past few weeks that Murphy had grown comfortable as one of Bellamy’s closest advisors and was starting to revel in his influence. He spoke down to everyone in camp and behaved as if he were above all reprimand. A small part of me enjoyed seeing him held accountable for his possible actions, but I was mostly concerned about the possibility of this escalating and I couldn’t anticipate how the camp would react to an accusation like this. It was especially dangerous when I considered his ill treatment of most of those in the crowd. Bellamy crossed his arms and watched Murphy with consideration. Before he could answer, Clarke continued her character assassination of him. 

“You threatened to kill him! We all heard you. You hated Wells.” She cried and I shifted uncomfortably.

“Plenty of people hated Wells.” Murphy was still speaking in his arrogant, justified manner. As per usual, his tone was only adding to the general dislike of him. “His father was the chancellor that locked us up.” He emphasised the last line, attempting to rile up the crowd but they simply seemed to be slowly turning on him.

“Yeah but you’re the only one who got in a knife fight with him.” Clarke spat, and from her tone she seemed to be losing her temper. I glanced around the crowd, noticing that many were whispering or hissing. I could feel the anger in the air, and my heart beat rapidly at the tension. I feared we could lose control of the camp at any moment. 

“Yeah I didn’t kill him then either.” Murphy answered, sounding bored with her accusations now. I mentally urged him to provide some disputing information instead of ignoring the danger in this situation for him. It was obvious from his behaviour how confident he’d become in his authority.

“You tried to kill Jasper too.” Octavia accused loudly, heightening the interest of the crowd.

“What?” Jasper murmured, his eyes growing wide at his involvement and I could see his legs shaking again. I grabbed Octavia’s arm and pulled her back towards Jasper. 

“This was a mistake, look around.” I hissed under my breath, watching as she observed the crowd and her eyes grew wide. “You may be right about Bellamy, but I don’t believe in taking chances. Please, take Jasper, Monty and any of the kids you can get to and lock yourselves in the dropship.” I ordered, and she glanced back at Bellamy reluctantly. He glanced over his shoulder at her, before looking at me and nodded sharply. I could tell that Octavia was hesitant, but she grabbed Jasper and Monty from behind us and rushed toward the dropship as instructed. I watched her guide some of the younger kids from the crowd along the way, and smiled in relief. I then moved into her spot behind Bellamy, nodding at him confidently. If things went as badly as I was anticipating, I’d have his back for her. When I looked back at Murphy, he was sneering. He stepped back from Clarke and looked out into the crowd with a relaxed confidence. 

“Come on, this is ridiculous. I don’t have to answer to you.” He spat and then turned back to the crowd. “I don’t have to answer to anyone.” He taunted, holding his arms out to his audience. As he spoke, he started to walk past Clarke, and was now clearly in Bellamy’s line of sight.

“Come again?” Bellamy spoke with authority, holding a stern gaze and I watched as Murphy’s confidence shrunk as he met his eyes. For the first time since the accusations started, he looked nervous as the possibility dawned on him that Bellamy might not support him. People began to shuffle in the crowd, and I prepared for the confrontation that I felt was going to come. 

“Bellamy, look, I’m telling you man, I didn’t do this.” Murphy strode over to us, and I noticed the rare sound of authenticity in his voice. I squirmed on the spot, feeling conflicted on how to deal with this now that Clarke has chosen to have this conversation with an audience. I looked over at Bellamy in uncertainty. He still stood with his arms crossed, feet planted firmly to the spot and I understood that he was aware as I was that it may be too late to stop this. 

“They found his fingers on the ground with your knife.” He stated in an even voice and he waited for a reaction. He stared Murphy down with an expression that asked for an explanation, for a way out. Instead, Murphy squirmed on the spot, no longer able to meet his eyes and I felt my chest tighten. 

“Is this the kind of society that we want?” Clarke called out, seizing her moment to address the crowd in a manner that suggested she still had not noticed the danger of the rapidly growing unrest that she had set into motion. “You say there should be no rules, but we’ve set rules to protect people already. Are we going to allow people to kill each other without punishment?” As she warmed into a speech, I felt my stomach lurch. The guilt hit me like a freight train as I realised that my insistence on addressing the attacks on women had partly led to this. The people in this camp now expected us to govern them when it came to serious crimes and the accusations we were now facing were of the gravest severity. Although I admired Clarke’s will to bring this to people’s attention, I felt in my gut that we had lost control of this situation already.

“I already told you, I didn’t kill anyone.” Murphy spun on his heel to return to defending himself against her and I was disappointed in his delayed reaction. 

“I say we float him.” One of the closest men in the group called out, followed by several cheers of agreement and my gut dropped. Clarke turned to face the heckler with a face of deep concern, the reality of the situation finally hitting her. 

“That’s not what I’m saying.” She spoke in a nervous voice as she glanced around the angry faces in the crowd and I grew only more annoyed at her ignorance until now. 

“Why not? He deserves to float, it’s justice.” The same man retorted, and Clarke faltered for a moment.

“Think about what you’re saying, we’re not in space any more. What you’re asking for isn’t as simple as pushing a button and expelling someone from the ship. It’ll be far harder than that.” I answered, hoping that the fear of acting on this may buy us some time. I knew there were some in this group who would not be shaken by taking a life, but I hoped that the majority would consider this more seriously. 

“Revenge isn’t justice!” Clarke added, but I saw the crowds beginning to rally together with a deep sense of dread. 

“It’s justice!” The man called, completely disregarding Clarke’s efforts to reason with them before encouraging the watching camp members into chanting. “Float him! Float him! Float him!”

Bellamy looked around frantically and I stared back in panic. Clarke was unable to calm the surrounding campers, who surged forward to beat Murphy to the ground. A few voices other than Clarke’s shouted to get off him, but there were far higher numbers of attackers. I was mentally thankful that I’d sent Octavia away as the chaos tore through the camp. Someone made their way to Murphy in the centre and gagged him with a rag, whilst the others grabbed his arms and dragged him to his feet. I stepped forward to push into the crowd, but Bellamy pulled me back, shaking his head fervently at me. 

“We have to stop this!” I exclaimed, trying to struggle free of him to fight the wild teenagers as they formed an overwhelming mob. 

“That’s not the way, they’ll just attack you too!” He argued, clinging on to me with fear in his eyes and I couldn’t release myself from his strong grip. 

The crowd surged to the edge of the camp, and Murphy was thrown down the hill that led to the verge of our territory. A rope was thrown over a tall branch of a nearby tree and my heart pounded in my chest as Bellamy and I rushed after them. I could still hear Clarke’s panicked yelling over the crowd and I noticed her blonde mane through all of the bodies, being pushed away from the activity at the centre. She attempted to fight them, but was easily overwhelmed and it was only moments before Murphy was being lifted into the air in the noose. A couple of men retrieved a box which they graciously put under his feet, barely allowing the toes of his boots to meet it. I watched in horror, unable to think of anything to stop them now that they’d worked themselves into a bloodlust. Clarke tore free of the crowd and slammed both hands into Bellamy’s chest in desperation. 

“You can stop this! They’ll listen to you!” She cried, shaking him with a frantic manner. I pushed her backwards and she looked at me in complete confusion, as if she couldn’t comprehend why I would possibly be upset with her. 

“You selfish, naive brat, you caused this! They won’t listen to anyone now!” I growled, holding her away from Bellamy to give him space to breathe. Despite my panic, I felt deeply that I wanted to help him with this but I couldn’t think of a solution to offer. As the chaos surrounded us from all angles, I felt deeply grateful that the burden of leading hadn’t fallen to me and I was furious at Clarke for cornering him in this situation. The ring leader seemed to suddenly notice us and turned his attention to Bellamy, pointing to him to draw the crowd's interest. 

“Bellamy! You should do it!” He announces as if honouring him with this suggestion. A horrified expression flitted over Bellamy’s face as I watched him battling with the decision and I felt tears prickling in my eyes. “Bel-la-my!” The leader started the crowd chanting again and I could barely breathe through my panic. My mind raced as I tried to think of a way to bring the crowd back under control, but things had escalated so quickly that I knew it would take something even more dramatic to get through to them. I looked up at Murphy to see him pleading through the gag, and gripped my head as my mind failed me. In the moment I’d stopped blocking her, Clarke immediately crowded Bellamy again. 

“I saw you in the woods with Atom. I know you’re not a killer.” She exclaimed and I finally lost my temper with her. I couldn’t believe that she would use a moment that she had witnessed take such a toll on him as ammunition in a moment where he was already crushed under the weight of an impossible decision. I stepped between them and grabbed hold of her shoulders, throwing her into the crowd behind us. 

“You don’t know shit about him. He has to deal with this now because of you, and your reckless decisions!” I bared my teeth as my words poured out like acid, and Clarke stumbled to keep her balance. I was furious that she was expecting Bellamy to fix the mess that she’d created and she continued to behave as if she were the only person capable of making the correct decision. As she was about to return to us again, several men in the crowd held her back.

“You don’t _ have _ to do this.” I spoke quietly as I turned to Bellamy, who looked horrified at the situation facing him. “But this is your decision, I’ll follow you.” I tried to sound reassuring, but the terror in his face only matched mine and I wished that I could take it away. 

“Bellamy don’t do this! Don’t do this!” Clarke screamed from the crowd as the chants continued, and my blood turned cold as Bellamy stepped forward. I could hardly stand to watch, but stood my ground so that he could see that I kept my word to support him. He kicked the box out from beneath Murphy and the crowd cheered at the movement, watching him squirm against the noose. I turned away for a second involuntarily and Clarke broke free of the crowd, surging towards Bellamy and pushing him again. “No, Bellamy no!” She wailed dramatically with tears pouring down her face.

“This is on you, Princess!” Bellamy spat, squaring up to her in anger. I could see the evident hurt in his face and was lost on whether to step in to break them apart. He was under immense pressure to react in what the camp deemed a correct manner and I was afraid to undermine him in this moment. “You should’ve kept your mouth shut!” He growled as he grabbed her shoulders and shook her. 

“Hey, what the hell are you doing?” Finn’s stunned voice finally cut through the cheers and commotion, and he carved a path through the crowd furiously. “Cut him down!” He ordered, pushing people out of his way as he charged toward Murphy before he glanced to his side with a horrified expression. “Charlotte, get out of here, now!” He yelled, and I looked to where he was yelling to see our youngest camp member staring on in terror. I rushed over to her, feeling devastated that she’d been missed by Octavia and started to try to move her through the crowd. “Cut him down!” Finn yelled again, fighting his way over to Murphy through the frozen crowd. As he grew close, the ringleader of the mob pulled out a knife to block him and a scuffle broke out. I pulled Charlotte’s arm to try to move her out of harm's way, when she broke free of my grip and threw herself toward the commotion. 

“Stop, okay! Murphy didn’t kill Wells!” She screamed, and her frantic voice brought all of the fighting to a standstill. I stared back at her in confusion, waiting for her to say what she needed so that I could get her to safety without a fight. “I did!” She confessed and I found myself rooted to the spot in shock. Fortunately, Clarke was still able to act as she grabbed an axe and used it to immediately cut Murphy down from the noose. I reached out to grab Charlotte and held her to me defensively, whilst Bellamy stared at her in mixed concern and confusion. 

Before anyone could react, I dragged her out into the trees and routed around to the back entrance of the camp, keeping her out of sight from anyone who could mean her harm. I rushed her straight into Bellamy’s tent and held a hand over her mouth so that she couldn’t make a sound. It was barely moments before Bellamy, Clarke and Finn entered behind me with frantic behaviours.

“I hope you had the sense not to draw any attention getting here!” I spat and they all shuffled around sheepishly. “Damn it, now they’ll know exactly where she is.” I released my grip on Charlotte and stepped back, crossing my arms in frustration.

“Bring out the girl Bellamy!” Murphy’s furious voice carried through the tent, and from the numerous footsteps I could hear, I knew that the crowd was gathering again.

“Why, Charlotte?” Bellamy’s tone was pleading as he paced around the tent, and I could feel a level of hurt in his words that was unexpected. I waited for an answer anxiously beside her as I considered how it was possible for someone so young to have committed such an extreme crime. 

“I was just trying to slay my demons like you told me.” She replied defensively, and I turned to Bellamy in confusion. Before I could get a word in, Clarke stepped forward furiously.

“What the hell is she talking about?” She spat. I turned my glare over to her and she cringed, stepping back slightly. I was struggling not to lose my temper with her and couldn’t deal with her getting n Belalmy’s face many more times today. 

“She misunderstood me.” Bellamy breathed, with a devastated expression as he faced her again. “Charlotte that is not what I meant.” I looked sympathetically at him, and could see the strain of leadership in him. He looked exhausted, fearful and I wished I could do something to ease the burden for him. 

“Bring the girl out, now!” Murphy’s voice only grew more insistent and I knew that the longer he remained out there with an audience, the worse his behaviour would grow. I stared at the tent door with a rapidly developing sense of unease and Charlotte flinched beside me.

“Please don’t let them hurt me!” She whimpered and Bellamy looked at her with such a heart wrenched expression that I could hardly stand it. It was clear that he was battling against his desire to protect the young girl as he tried to think of a solution to this mess. He reluctantly turned to face Clarke and Finn, and held his arms out to them in desperation. 

“Okay, if you guys have any bright ideas, _ speak up _.” They both stared blankly at them and I sighed in frustration. “Now you stay quiet!” He snapped and I felt the same annoyance. They were always ready to interrupt any plans and publicly tear him down for his decisions and I couldn’t believe that they could look so clueless now. 

“Hey, those are your boys out there.” Finn defended and I rolled my eyes at them. It was only due to Clarke’s self righteous actions that we were in this position now, and I was sick of seeing Finn take her side in an effort to win her over.

“This is not my fault.” Bellamy retorted, finally losing his cool and voicing my matching feelings on the situation. “If she’d listened to me those idiots would still be building the wall!” Bellamy yelled toward Clarke, who ignored him and continued pacing around the tent whilst rubbing her forehead in a manner that was not at all helpful. 

“We need to set laws.” I said sternly, drawing their attention. “We were forced into acting by mob mentality before, we need to explain the decision this time, one that means she’s still punished but by gentler means that are appropriate for her age. It will protect all the younger kids here and give us time to work on dealing with the older lot. They were open to the rules before, we just have to be careful how we present it this time.” I laid out my suggestion carefully, knowing that it was the only idea I had to offer whilst under such a pressured time constraint. Bellamy managed a slight smile at me for contributing. 

“Hey you want to build a society Princess, let’s build a society, bring her out!” Murphy’s furious cries interrupted and Charlotte startled again in terror.

“No! Please Bellamy!” She begged and Bellamy closed his eyes, battling with his emotions. He crouched down to her level and held her shoulders gently. I was stunned to see how gently he treated her and it allowed me to see him in a softer light. 

“Look, Charlotte, hey. It’s gonna be okay. Just stay with them.” He indicated towards Clarke and Finn as he spoke, then looked to me before moving to leave the tent. I grabbed his arm before he could, clinging tightly to him. 

“Hell no, I’m coming with you.” I spoke stubbornly and he appeared to be confused. “Somebody’s got to have your back if this doesn’t work. It was my suggestion, I’ll back you up with it.” He was clearly reluctant, but I was relieved to find that he didn’t fight me about it. I released my grip on him so that he could step out of the tent, but I hesitated to face Clarke and Finn. “Get her out of here, just in case. If this works, we’ll find you.” I ordered, before following Bellamy out.

When I emerged, he had already begun trying to talk Murphy down. I glanced past them to see Octavia standing at the front of the crowd with Jasper and Monty just behind her. I figured that she must have come back out after all of the commotion and I was worried for her safety again within the crowd that had just rioted out of control not long ago. Murphy turned his back on Bellamy to address the crowd and I waited nervously, watching his every move. 

“So, who here wants to see the real murderer hung up?” He called out to the gathered campers in a flamboyant presentation. “All in favour.” He added, immediately raising his hand to prompt a vote and was only joined by approximately ten others, exclusively members of Bellamy’s militia. Murphy looked around furiously at the lack of support. “I see. So it’s fine to string me up for _ nothing _ , but when this little bitch _ confesses _ you want to let her walk?!” He screamed into the crowd, completely losing his cool toward the end of his insane statement. 

“She’s a fucking _ child _ Murphy. Get a grip.” I spat, leaning out from behind Bellamy with a furious expression. It was preposterous to me that he couldn’t grasp why hanging a child was wrong and it only deepened my distaste for him. 

“Cowards! All of you are cowards!” Murphy ignored my job at him, instead launching into a hysterical tirade at the crowd.

“Hey, Murphy!” Bellamy lost his patience for a moment, raising his voice over Murphy’s screams and striding toward him, whilst I hung behind assessing the situation. Bellamy squared up to him, looking down in an intimidating manner due to their slight height difference and causing him to shrink slightly. “It’s over.” He asserted firmly as he stared intensely into his face. Murphy seemed to be calm as he shrugged and threw out his arms carelessly. 

“Whatever you say boss.” He muttered, stepping backwards away from Bellamy. Something about his reaction felt inauthentic to me; perhaps because I knew Murphy in prison in a way that Bellamy did not. I knew that he didn’t respect authority and that he despised feeling humiliated. I knew that he didn’t let things go and that he was ruthless. And so I examined every single movement he made, especially when Bellamy turned his back on him to walk back toward me.

Murphy followed quickly behind him and although I tried to warn him as Murphy stooped to grab a log from a pile of firewood, I couldn’t get to Bellamy in time. Murphy walloped him around the back of the head with the log and Octavia rushed forward to attack him. Fortunately Jasper stepped in front of her, blocking her from Murphy’s path and instead taking a punch to the face that knocked him to the ground. Octavia weaved past the confrontation to get to Bellamy’s collapsed form and Murphy turned back towards the tent.

“Come on, let’s get the girl.” He ordered his followers in a rallying call. Before he could get to the door, I’d strode into his way and launched myself at him. 

“I’ll fucking kill you!” I screamed as I tackled him to the ground and hit him passionately, finally snapping after his insistence on executing a child. I managed to get several nasty slogs in before I was pulled off by one of his gang, but due to the additional power of my fury I managed to batter them off and tackled Murphy again. This time around, I didn’t get to hit him a single time before I was knocked unconscious.


	11. I'ᴠᴇ Gᴏᴛ Yᴏᴜʀ Bᴀᴄᴋ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Mᴜʀᴘʜʏ's Lᴀᴡ

I became aware of frantic whispers that broke through the haze in my mind and my eyes fluttered open. My vision was blurred and my head spun as I attempted to sit up to take in my surroundings. My view was filled with Octavia’s panicked face as she blocked my movement and supported my shoulders.

“Woah! Take it easy!” She breathed soothingly whilst my eyes darted around the room. As I strained to focus, I realised that I was back inside of the dropship, sitting on the makeshift bed we had put together for Jasper when he was injured. My face throbbed and I instinctively moved to put my hand to my brow where most of the pain was concentrated, but Octavia caught my arm mid motion. “Don’t touch that. I’ve done my best to patch you up but I’m not Clarke. I didn’t even know how to cover it.” She avoided my gaze with a guilty look and I stared back at her in confusion. Her face became sympathetic instead and she indicated to Jasper, who passed her a small mirror. I took it from Octavia and grimaced at my reflection. I felt foolish now for my dislike of my earlier appearance. A large, hastily sewn wound ran from my forehead, through my left eyebrow and almost down to my cheekbone. 

“Shit, I only just healed that black eye.” I muttered as I put the mirror down and met her sorry expression. I sighed deeply and glanced around the room, noticing that Jasper and Monty were watching on awkwardly. “Is Bellamy alright?” I asked and Octavia grimaced at his name, before forcing a smile. 

“He’s fine, thanks to you. I’ve never seen you lose it like that. You were very defensive of him.” She squeezed my hand and winked, but I wasn’t easily distracted by her ruse. I felt in my gut that her reaction wasn’t normal and I knew her well enough to identify when she was lying.

“Where is he?” I asked sceptically, worried that he may have cracked under the pressure of the situation. If he was freaking out again, I wanted to get to him as soon as possible to help. Octavia fidgeted, seeming surprised at my insistence. 

“I told you, he’s fine.” She groaned, staring past me as she spoke in a telltale sign of avoidance. She’d become quite good at keeping secrets since we arrived here, but she knew as well as I did that none of her new skills were likely to work on me. 

“That’s not what I asked. _ Where _ is your brother Octavia?” I spoke firmly now, fixing her with a scrutinising look as my chest tightened. She flinched at my use of her full name and by now she must have known that I was onto her.

“Don't freak out.” She started, immediately causing my stomach to flip with her poorly executed attempt to prepare me for the answer. “Murphy and his crew went into the woods to find Charlotte, Bellamy went after them.” She explained carefully and her mannerisms showed deep concern for my reaction. I battled to get to my feet and she jumped up to meet me. “No, you’re not going too.” She blocked my path with a firm voice and held a hand out to halt me. “It’s bad enough that he’s out there with an injury, how is you going out there all weak and unsteady going to help anything?” I could sense the desperation in her voice, but I couldn’t shake the feeling in my gut that he would need my help to recover Charlotte from the group of hunters.

“Octavia, move.” I replied firmly as I tried to get past her but she continued to block me. “I have to do this, you need to let me go. I can defend myself.” I fidgeted a hand into the back of my combats to find my dagger but I couldn’t seem to get a grip on it. Just as I was starting to panic, Octavia pulled it from her belt and held it up in front of me.

“Looking for this?” She asked, holding it just out of my reach in a carefully considered movement.

“Give me that.” I spat as I lunged for it. She easily dodged me as I struggled to keep my balance.

“No.” She planted herself sternly between me and the step ladder down and fixed me with a stubborn expression. “Give me one good reason why I should let you go?” She asked and I sighed deeply, realising with a reluctance that I had to disclose some of the trusted conversations I’d had with Bellamy if I wanted to get out to help him. 

“You know your brother better than anyone, he’s an ass and he makes stupid decisions sometimes. But you know he’s not a bad person, and you must realise how much these decisions weigh on him. He has every life in this camp on his shoulders, and we’re all looking to him. He’s not perfect, that’s for sure, but he’s doing the best he can and he’s trying to be better. It’s a lot for one person. I said I’d have his back and I meant it. Please, let me help him, he shouldn’t have to do this on his own.” I pleaded, allowing the truth to spill out for the first time and watching Octavia’s surprised response. I couldn’t tell if she was more shocked by the revelation that her brother wasn’t as heartless as he was pretending to be or that I was so invested in backing him up. I felt as confused as I imagined she did that he’d confided in me of all people about this. She seemed torn in her decision, before sighing and reluctantly handing back my dagger. 

“Fine. But I’m coming with you.” She bargained and I scoffed in response. 

“No you’re not.” I snatched the dagger and answered her with an indignant tone. “Before you argue, I’m not being a hypocrite or trying to protect you. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I _ do _.” I finished adjusting my clothes so that I was ready to go out as I spoke and tucked the dagger back into my belt. Octavia looked quizzically at me. “If we don’t come back and Murphy succeeds, I need you to do something for me.” I suggested, feeling uncertain about how she would react to the request I was about to give.

“That’s not going to happen.” She gasped in response and I glared frustratedly at her. She cleared her throat and masked any sign of reluctance from her face. “But yes, of course I will.” She conceded.

“I need you to kill him.” I replied in a serious tone, and her eyes grew wide at my statement. “That’s how you stop this camp from getting completely out of control, kill the ringleader and the rest will fall into line. Afterwards you three take charge, you’ve got the right skills to keep this camp alive. You’ll figure it out.” I smiled confidently at them despite their horrified faces. As I stepped onto the ladder, Octavia crouched down to meet me. 

“Don’t make us need to do it.” She breathed as her eyes filled with concern. “You make sure you come back, and bring that idiot brother of mine with you.” She added in an authoritative tone and I nodded.

Once I’d made it into the woods, finding Murphy and his crew was simple. They carried lit torches and were shouting out into the empty space to return with Charlotte. I crept through the brush, retaining a safe distance from them. There was no obvious sign of Bellamy anywhere and so I waited for a petite female at the back of the group to fall further behind, before leaning out and pulling her into the trees. She was so shocked from being grabbed that it was simple enough to knock her out. I tucked her into a bush so that she wouldn’t be easily seen; I didn’t want to leave her in obvious harm's way nor did I want to risk the others finding her and realising that there was a threat to them out here. I continued through the woods to catch up to the group, who had unfortunately noticed that they were missing a member and were on edge.

I was startled by a high pitch screaming from further ahead, quickly followed by Charlotte’s frantic voice telling Bellamy to put her down and then calling to Murphy to come and get her. I had to increase to a run to keep up with the group who were now like a pack of wolves on the hunt. I panicked as I struggled to keep up with them and my mind raced over how Bellamy and I alone could protect her from this whole group. I caught sight of movement in the woods from the other side of the group and a flash of blonde hair alerted me to Clarke and Finn. I felt immediately relieved at the back up and I decided to make use of the chaos.

I charged into the large guy who was falling behind at the back of Murphy’s crew, slamming him to the ground as I’d seen Bellamy do to my attacker. Unfortunately I didn’t possess anywhere near the same force behind my tackle as him. Finn appeared beside me panting with a concerned manner. 

“I’m fine! Help Charlotte!” I yelled, struggling to hold down my opponent. Clarke emerged from the trees and rushed Finn away in the direction of raised voices and I was glad to know that Bellamy had support on the way to him already.

“Get the fuck off me!” The guy I’d tackled had already recovered from the somewhat disappointing impact and I wrestled desperately with him as he fought me for control. 

“You’re not getting your hands on that little girl you sick fuck!” I growled, barely able to get the words out between my straining. It took every ounce of strength in my body to keep him from rolling me away and I tried to dig my boots into the ground for stability. He struggled enough to bring his knee up into my stomach and I wheezed, loosening my grip. Once his hand was free, he reached to claw at my amatuer stitches, causing fresh hot blood to pour down my face. I howled in pain as he wriggled free and stumbled in an attempt to get to his feet. 

As he did this I frantically clawed out, caught a grip on his ankle and caused him to faceplant the ground. I took the moment to leap onto him again and landed on his back. I grabbed the back of his head and slammed his face into the soil. I flipped him around and furiously pummeled his face. I hit him until my fists bled and he finally seemed to be unconscious. I quickly checked his neck for a pulse and was relieved to find one. I collapsed against a tree and gasped for breath from the exertion. The wound on my brow poured blood relentlessly, despite my efforts to wipe it away. Once I’d caught my breath slightly I forced myself to my feet again, wobbling as I raised myself. I prepared to drag myself forward when I heard stomping footsteps coming from the direction the others ran in. I crouched to hide until I could see the source of the sound and I realised it was Bellamy, closely followed by Clarke. I started to move toward Bellamy, but was cut off by Clarke who grabbed my shoulders and stared at my wound.

“Indigo! What happened?” She yelled, pulling my blood soaked hair out of my face to get a better look at the wound. Although I couldn’t see the damage, I could feel that my entire face was wet and my head throbbed. I was still furious with her for her actions this morning, but I had to admit that I was glad when she smoothed the dripping hair back to examine the cause of the bleeding and I was finally able to see properly.

“I’m fine. Octavia stitched me up.” I replied rashly in an effort to push past her to Bellamy, who had stopped in his tracks at the mention of my name. I couldn’t see his face from the position I was held in and my concern grew as I fretted over what mental state he might be in. Clarke kept a tight grip on me, whilst using her free hand to pull a rag out of her pocket. 

“Whilst I admire her efforts, whatever she managed to do is gone now.” She breathed, pushing the rag to the wound. Although this seemed to have stopped the constant flow of liquid, it only made me acutely aware of the feeling of blood which I could now tell was smeared across practically every part of my face. “Keep this on it and keep the pressure up. I’ll give it a fresh set of stitches when we get back.” She started to grip my arm in an effort to guide me back to camp when Bellamy approached, his face dazed with shock.

“What are you doing here?” He asked and his expression was the very picture of confusion as he stayed just out of reach. Clarke’s position blocked me from his view and so I turned to face him. 

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m backing you up.” I forced a smile as I spoke confidently and he stared back at me in sheer disbelief. He behaved as if the words I’d just spoken were complete nonsense and I wondered if he’d ever had the experience of being able to rely on someone before. 

“Your face…” His eyes only grew wider as he took in my appearance, blood smeared all over my face and still dripping from my hair even now that it was pushed back. I stood wobbling as I held the rag firmly to my brow and tried to smile back. It wasn’t the most flattering experience to have him assessing me in this state but I was determined to show that I could handle it and whatever else it took to support him. 

“She’s lost a lot of blood, we need to get her back to camp so I can stitch it properly.” Clarke insisted, attempting to rush him. As he tore his eyes from my face, he noticed the unconscious man on the ground behind me and stared down at him in furious accusation. 

“He only reopened what was already there.” I affirmed in an effort to temper his anger. A set of footsteps from behind drew my attention and I turned to see Finn emerge from the trees with a face of pure devastation. When I realised he also didn’t have Charlotte, I turned my focus back to Bellamy in confusion. “Where’s Charlotte?” I asked reluctantly, my voice trembling.

Clarke turned her face from me, and I saw her wiping tears away in the most subtle way she could. Bellamy simply stared at me wordlessly, his eyes were haunted and I noticed that his knees shook, although I wasn’t sure whether with nerves or anger. Finn stepped around to face me reluctantly, his sorrowful face burning into my memory. 

“She’s gone.” He stated in a broken voice and my stomach dropped as I struggled to comprehend his words.

“Murphy?” I spat furiously, hardly able to contain my rage and pain that threatened to tear me apart. If we couldn’t protect a single child, what hope was there for us. 

“No.” Finn answered and I made a confused expression in return. “But he’s been dealt with.” He added and I noticed that Bellamy’s bloody knuckles matched mine. At that moment, it dawned on me that we were perhaps more similar in our reactions than I had originally assessed and I felt connected to him as I stared down at my fists. There were several sets of footsteps that carried from behind and the remaining members of Murphy’s gang caught up.

“Pick up your friend here, you can carry him back yourselves.” Bellamy’s face contorted into a firm stare at the sight of them and I was surprised to see that he was still able to lead despite the obvious turmoil he was battling. “Did you deal with anyone else along the way?” He asked as he addressed me.

“One more girl, close to camp.” I answered, spotting a slight smile breaking through his authoritative air. I could tell that no one else had noticed it but there was a hint of pride in the way he looked at me and I enjoyed sharing it between just the two of us. 

“Alright, let’s get back.” He replied, pointing to the group behind me in an ordering manner. “You first, you’ve got one more to find and I want to keep you in my sight.” He added coldly as he stared at them. We waited whilst the group went ahead, struggling to carry their unconscious, badly beaten friend. When Bellamy got a full view of the state of him, he raised his brows at me in surprise and I shrugged back. Clarke moved to escort me but Bellamy stepped into her place. “It’s alright, I’ve got this one.” He stated, holding a hand out to stop her and she turned back to walk with Finn without question. Bellamy fell easily into step with me at the back of the group, keeping a distance so that we could gain some privacy and we walked together in a shocked quiet. 

“What happened?” I asked gently and he shook his head in response. I noticed tears gathering in his eyes before he could turn his face away to hide it. It was clear that however the situation had unfolded, it had deeply affected him and it didn’t feel right to keep prying. Instead, I acted on instinct. I gently threaded my hand into his, and avoided looking at him as I did. I kept my gaze on the group ahead in an effort to not make anything of it. I felt him glance at me in shock, but I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes. I slid my fingers slightly out of his hand in embarrassment, but he gripped on to me desperately. Although I was surprised, I didn’t react outwardly. I didn’t assume that it meant anything, considering it simply an act of support that we both needed after the traumatic events of the day. I could sense him battling tears and without being able to discuss what had happened, this felt like the only way I could provide him with some comfort. As we neared the edge of the camp, he cleared his throat and removed his hand from mine. It felt as if I had been unplugged from a powerful surge of electricity, but I didn’t hold his discretion against him. I knew that when he stepped inside these walls, people would be waiting for his leadership and would expect an explanation that would be painful for him to give. Clarke turned back to face me before we entered the camp. 

“You need to go straight to the dropship and get all the blood cleaned off so that I can actually see what I’m dealing with.” She ordered, pointing to the wound on my head. “Ask Octavia to get the wound as clean as she can, and if necessary, get a fresh rag to it. I’ll be in as soon as I can.” I nodded and glanced at Bellamy reluctantly. He smiled weakly at me, indicating he was fine for me to leave and I realised that she was waiting for him. I quickly assessed that she would be addressing the camp with him and although she’d behaved rashly today, I had long felt that they balanced each other out in their leadership styles and opinions. I felt relieved that he had found a way of sharing the burden. I noticed Finn waiting around awkwardly and he seemed to take the hint to leave them too, accompanying me to the dropship. 

*** 

The stitches had been painful to sit through whilst conscious this time, but they were nothing compared to the wrath of Octavia when she’d seen the state of me. Although she was pleased that I’d kept my word to return with Bellamy, she was furious with me for going out whilst vulnerable in the first place. She assisted in cleaning the wound, whilst Finn reluctantly filled us in on the events of the evening, as we missed Clarke and Bellamy addressing the camp. We both shed tears as Finn explained the way that Charlotte had jumped to her death as she battled remorse for her actions. I felt horrified for Bellamy, struck with understanding of his reaction. When Clarke arrived and worked on stitching my forehead in a more permanent solution, I found my worries for Bellamy’s mental state were a more than adequate distraction for me. Although she’d made much neater work of the stitching than Octavia, she confirmed that it would leave a nasty scar due to the ripping of the initial scruffy stitches. She explained that usually she would cover a wound like this to prevent infection, but we didn’t have anything even resembling actual dressings for her to use. In the end, I was simply advised to keep it clean and sternly warned to avoid busting the stitches again. Octavia assisted me in cleaning the blood from my hair, which ended up being a rather in-depth job due the sheer volume of blood I had lost. We rinsed as much of the mud and blood splatters from my clothes as we could and I gave myself a quick neaten up before heading out to camp.

Now that Jasper and I were both well enough that we didn’t require the protection of the dropship, we had been provided with tents. Jasper shared with Monty, and I was sharing with Octavia. She decided to hang out with Jasper for the evening and I declined the offer to join them in the vain hope that romance might blossom in their alone time. I briefly searched for Bellamy on my way to the new tent, as I wanted to offer him the chance to vent if he needed but I couldn’t find him anywhere. Once in the tent, I found myself pacing around the space and I felt unable to relax. I was freaked out by the fact that no one knew where he was and my mind continued to obsess over the possibilities of what he would do if he felt unable to cope. I’d caught him storming into the forest alone before and I knew that he wouldn’t tell anyone that he was going. I considered that if something were to happen to him out there, no one would be aware that he was missing until morning and the idea of this haunted me. Just as I was about to gather items to explore the woods in search of him, I heard a familiar voice clearing behind me and whipped around to find him waiting at the entrance to the tent. 

“Hey, I wanted to check on you. Did Clarke patch you up properly this time?” He seemed genuinely concerned as he stepped in and I was amazed at his capacity to worry about others, even when he was going through hell himself. I wanted desperately to ask if he was alright and to offer him comfort as I could still sense the tension in his posture. I took a deep breath as I scanned his worried face and he forced a weak smile as he watched me. I respected his desire to keep the mood light and so forced my frazzled mind to find the humour in the situation, instead of bursting into tears. 

“Yeah, I specifically asked her to keep my Frankenstein stitches on display, I thought they make me more threatening, you know?” I spoke in an attempt at my usual teasing tone but it felt inauthentic. He moved properly into the space of the tent and approached me for a closer look. He brushed my freshly cleaned hair away with a delicate touch and grimaced as he focused on the wound. I felt a familiar pang of insecurity. I didn’t like to be examined like this at the best of times, but especially when I felt like a freak show. The feeling was only made worse by how inconveniently attractive he was, even whilst bruised and exhausted. 

“That looks like it’ll take a while to heal.” He asked in a concerned hiss as he kept his eyes fixed on my forehead. “So, what’s the prognosis?” He added coyly as he flashed a playful smile at me. I felt my heartbeat speed up at the sight of it and tried not to make it obvious that I was staring at him. 

“Doctor says I’ll be fine, but I’ll never be pretty again.” I answered in a deadpan tone. This was the kind of humour I’d used as a defence for years and no one other than Octavia had ever taken the time to see through it. I was used to people laughing at my self deprecating comments or considering my sarcasm amusing and expected him to laugh in response. Instead, he scoffed and stared at me with a disbelieving expression.

“Well, in my medical opinion, I’d disagree.” He commented, looking anywhere on my face other than my eyes as he spoke. It was completely unlike the way that he used to compliment me when we first arrived. As he forced his gaze down to meet mine, he now smiled with an unfamiliar uncertainty and his soft eyes watched me cautiously. I felt my face flush slightly and unable to deal with the intensity of his expression any longer, I stepped back from him to sit down. I was entirely conscious about every tiny movement involved in the action and focused on trying to seem casual about it, rather than like I was retreating. 

“How did your first joint announcement go?” I asked gently, watching his face fall slightly as he shuffled uncomfortably on the spot. He sighed and took a seat opposite me. Now that he was no longer close enough to touch me, we fell back into the usual comfortable atmosphere that had recently developed in each other's company.

“People were pretty devastated.” He sighed, staring down at the ground and fiddling with his hands in a distracted daze. “I think a united front was a good idea, it bought some stability.” He answered thoughtfully and it seemed as if his mind was elsewhere. 

“You’re getting pretty good at these reasonable answers.” I smiled teasingly at him and he met my eyes in surprise. I could tell there was more he wanted to say and suspected that he needed an opportunity to get it off his chest. I opted to be direct with him as I considered my approach. “But you don’t have to do that leader shit with me. So, how do you really feel about it?” I asked in a calm time as I gave him time to absorb my offer. We sat in silence as he considered me, seeming in complete awe. He sighed deeply, wringing his hands and when he next met my eyes there was a new intensity there. 

“Clarke has some good ideas, and she’s given me great compromising solutions before...but she lost it today and everything got so fucked so_ fast _...I don’t know if teaming up is a good idea or a total fucking disaster.” He rambled frustratedly and I appreciated that he felt he could be honest with me. He waited in silence, seeming like he was expecting a response and I considered my reply carefully. I had only meant to give him an opportunity to vent, I wasn’t prepared to give advice. 

“Does it make you feel less alone with the responsibility?” I asked, hoping to guide him to answering his own problems without my opinion. He looked as if he was analysing his feelings on all of it and I waited patiently for him to be ready.

“It helps that there are others willing to step up when needed but...there are people whose opinions mean more to me.” He spoke with emphasis and I raised a brow at him questioningly. I wasn’t sure what he was trying to imply and worried about misunderstanding. “Octavia and you, for example.” He added with a shuffle and I scoffed. 

“Look, Bellamy, the truth is none of us know what we’re doing down here. Most of the people in this camp are just glad that everyone isn’t looking to them to make the tough choices. It’s easy to have an opinion when you’re just one of many, it’s much harder when you’re the one who has to decide.” I explained, hoping he realised that I included myself in that. “If it’s worth anything, I’m impressed at how hard you’re trying to grow. These decisions are painful, impossible even and they don’t always have a correct answer. I think you’re incredibly brave to keep trying to get it right, and to shoulder the risk of getting it wrong.” I smiled at him supportively and he chuckled lightly back. 

“You might think that you don’t know what you’re doing, but you always know the right thing to say.” He replied warmly and smiled with such admiration that I had to drop my eyes to the ground. A few moments of comfortable silence passed, as he still seemed lost in his thoughts. I took a deep breath before broaching the next subject, steeling myself for him to lash out. 

“Finn told us what happened.” I said gently and his eyes immediately shot up to meet mine. I couldn’t tell if they were more filled with fear, anger or regret. “You did _ everything _ you could in a situation that was completely out of your control. How it ended was _ not _ your fault. I hope you know that.” I spoke with a firmer tone this time in the hope that my words would reach him. He smiled weakly at me and I felt immediately relieved. 

“I will, one day.” He replied softly.

“Banishing Murphy was a good choice too.” I confirmed in the hope that some validation might help him to work through his doubts. “I don’t think that killing him would have made you feel any better. Although I can only imagine the temptation to try.” I added, considering that I likely would not have been strong enough to resist. He opened his mouth to speak again, but I cried out in pain, gripping my wrist. He jumped to his feet and rushed to my side at the same moment as my wristband released from my wrist. It landed on the tent floor beside me, stuck in the open position and the lights inside slowly powered off. We looked at each other in joint confusion. “What the hell was that?” I wondered aloud. Bellamy took my wrist in his hands and examined it, looking for reassurance that I was alright. Once I’d nodded back, he got to his feet. 

“I don’t know, but I’m gonna check with our expert. Are you good here?” He asked, clearly reluctant to leave after my outburst and I couldn’t help feeling surprised by his unexpected consideration. 

“I’m fine, it doesn’t even hurt anymore. You go investigate.” I smiled warmly and watched him rush from the tent.

I milled around once he was gone, setting up a sleeping space with the limited supplies that we had. I got undressed to a vest and pants and sat on my pile of fabrics that I’d gathered. As I was about to tuck my legs into my various covers, Octavia burst into the tent and I jumped in shock at her sudden entrance. 

“Did your wristband come off?!” She asked frantically as she viewed me with wide eyes and I nodded back at her in a flustered manner. 

“You could knock...or you know, yell first?” I pouted, tucking myself in to cover up. She raised her brows dramatically at my undressed state and started pottering about to set up her own bed solution. 

“Monty accidentally fried all the wristbands trying to contact the Ark.” She said absentmindedly as she worked and although she tried to sound casual I could sense already that she was working up to something. 

“Shit.” I muttered in response as I considered what that could mean. “Well that’s a whole mess.” I breathed, hoping that Monty wasn’t too upset by the mistake. She was making an overdramatic effort in throwing around blankets. 

“You know, I saw Bellamy leaving here.” She commented in a poor attempt to sound subtle and I rolled my eyes quickly whilst she wasn’t looking. I knew in my gut that this is what she’d been thinking about since she walked in and dreaded where she was taking the implication this time. 

“Yeah, he was checking in on me after I bled literally everywhere on the way back here.” I stated in an unimpressed tone as I settled myself into a comfortable position. I tried to seem unfazed by her tactical conversation but couldn’t deny that I was worried. 

“Is that so?” She chanted, looking falsely surprised as she threw an assortment of fabrics around in an effort to seem busy. 

“Yes Octavia, it is!” I replied in an exaggerated manner, as if I were sharing the juiciest gossip and my sarcastic nature earned a scornful look from her. I sighed and tried to contain any sass that I was feeling before speaking again. “He was actually really decent about it. Turns out it is possible.” I added cautiously, anticipating that she might use this in whatever agenda she was working towards. Octavia dropped herself into her bed and stared at me with riveted interest. 

“Fascinating, you and my brother, never saw that coming when we were in the Skybox.” She taunted in a pretend absentminded tone and I couldn’t stifle a bewildered expression as I viewed her. 

“What?” I snorted loudly as I processed her accusation. “There is no ‘me and your brother’ Tavi.” I stared at her in disbelief, annoyed that she hadn’t been the first to suggest there was something between us. She examined me in a scrutinising manner, her eyes roaming the length of me and even now that I was covered I knew what she was implying. It seemed we had finally reached the root of her intentions and I realised that this had been her plan since she’d found me undressed following Bellamy’s departure. 

“Oh! No! I didn’t get undressed until after he left, I-”I defended, squirming awkwardly and pulling the fabrics to ensure I was fully covered now. I caught her watching me with a smug smile and narrowed my eyes at her in annoyance. “No, you know what, I don’t have to justify myself to you. Stop making it weird.” I added, dropping the panicked voice for an unamused replacement. I rolled over huffily and tucked myself in the fabrics to sleep. I closed my eyes and heard her chuckle lightly under her breath from behind before drifting into dreams.


	12. Tʜʀᴇᴇ Iɴ A Tᴇɴᴛ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Tᴡɪʟɪɢʜᴛ's Lᴀsᴛ Gʟᴇᴀᴍɪɴɢ

I woke to a loud sound that I couldn’t identify and Octavia shook me frustratedly. 

“Get up, something’s happening!” She hissed before rushing out of the tent without any further explanation. I jumped to my feet and struggled into my combat trousers, leaving them unbuttoned in my haste to follow her. I stepped into my boots and didn’t bother stopping to lace them up, rushing out of the tent half dressed and disoriented. 

“Bellamy! Get out here!” I heard Octavia’s hurried voice as I tripped out into camp and I dashed to her side with concern. Bellamy was immediately behind me and positioned himself on the other side of her as we stared up into the night sky. The sound was revealed to be a tiny ship that was tearing to Earth in a burning blaze and it wasn’t long before others gathered around to watch in confusion. A parachute fired out of the back of the ship which slowed it’s descent and gave us hope that whoever was inside should still be alive. 

“They’re coming to help us!” A male voice carried from behind as several others made their way out of their tents. I glanced over my shoulder to see who it was and as I turned back to face forward, my attention caught on Bellamy part way. He was wearing just a pair of combat trousers with his torso exposed. I quickly realised that I was staring at his toned abs and broad shoulders and I bolted back to staring forward with a flushed face. 

“Now we can kick some grounder ass!” Another voice added, earning cheers from the small crowd that was gathering. I turned around again to count how many were out of their tents now and caught Bellamy staring at me with a hungry look, biting his lip as his eyes roamed my body. I glanced down at myself to realise that I hadn’t had time to put a bra on, and although I usually hid underneath an oversized denim shirt, the vest I wore currently left little to the imagination. The bottom of the top was raised to show my stomach and where I hadn’t buttoned my trousers, I sharply realised that my underwear was showing too. I blushed deeply, stepping forward to block his view behind Octavia whilst I fiddled to frantically button up my trousers and adjust my vest. Octavia noticed my flustered behaviour as I did this and she glanced over her shoulder, before turning back to me with a smug expression. 

“Don’t worry, you look hot.” She whispered with amusement and I glared ferociously at her. 

“Please tell me they brought down some shampoo.” Roma and another girl I didn’t recognise appeared at Bellamy’s side, covered with only blankets and I quickly realised that they had come from his tent. He shifted around sheepishly as I examined them, before returning his attention to the sky in what I suspected was an effort to avoid the hurt expression that he expected me to fix him with. I rolled my eyes, turned on my heel and returned to my tent without another word. I undressed again and flopped back into my bed in an attempt to return to sleep. Instead, I sat and stared at the tent ceiling in frustration. The image of the two girls wandering from his tent with satisfied faces replayed in my brain and I couldn’t shift it. After what felt like an eternity, Octavia stepped back into the tent seeming confused. 

“There you are! I could’ve done with your persuasion skills back there with my brother.” She smiled widely as she approached with a teasing manner. She appeared to be disappointed when I didn’t respond and instead shifted to an annoyed tone. “He’s not sending anyone to investigate until dawn, anyone could get to whatever supplies are in that pod before then.” She ranted as she started to undress and settle back for bed herself. I couldn’t stifle a scoff in response. 

“Clearly he’s done with his reasonable faze then. He’s back to being shady as hell.” I spat as my frustration with him made itself apparent in my voice.

“Yeah, you’re right there, it’s a shady decision.” She replied frustratedly. She finished undressing and dropped back into bed, facing me with an interested expression. “What I’d _ much _ more like to know though, is if there’s no ‘you and my brother’, why couldn’t you keep your eyes off each other out there?!” She met my eyes smugly as she spoke and I blushed furiously, much to my own annoyance and tried to avoid her prying gaze. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I denied, shifting awkwardly in my covers as I tried not to be intimidated by her scrutiny. “I was just trying to get a feel on the reaction of the camp.” I justified and looked up to find her raising a brow at me.

“Oh you were trying to get a feel alright.” She snorted and I felt my face grow even hotter. “But sure, you’re strictly business. I’ll just pretend I don’t see you both looking at each other when you think no one is looking.” She added in a poor attempt at a disinterested attitude. 

“Octavia stop!” I groaned as I covered my face in exasperation. “Your brother looks at every woman in this camp the same except for you, like they’re an all you can eat buffet and he’s ravenous. He’s a ho! He has_ two _ girls in his tent tonight.” I exclaimed, and then immediately softened my voice to try to hide my annoyance. “Like I said, he’s clearly where you get it from.” Octavia pulled an offended face and reached out to slap my arm playfully. “I’m just teasing, I’m glad to see you having fun. Just try not to forget about Jasper, it was nice to see you with him, instead of working your way through your brother's jock brigade.” I added and realised that it had come out sassier than I’d intended.

“Oh you are such a cow!” She hissed, but quickly laughed afterwards and I was glad that she understood I was not trying to be malicious. “Maybe you _ should _ get some kicks, it might stop you from being so bitter!” She commented, jabbing at me. “He might take girls back to his tent like it’s nothing, but you’re the only person he talks to about his honest feelings and pressures, he won’t even talk with me about it. And I don’t see him running to anyone’s rescue quite like he does for you.” She explained and I felt uncomfortable at her observations “Just think about it.” She shrugged and I knew that I had no choice on the matter now that she had pointed these things out. 

“It’s called wishful thinking Octavia, you’re seeing what you want to see.” I smiled and started to settle into a comfortable sleeping position in the hope she would drop the conversation. Despite my words, I already found myself reflecting on our interactions and questioning if there were elements of it that were more than I had first considered them to be. 

“I’d say he was seeing what he wanted to see out there.” She purred and I cringed into my covers. “This is gross for me to ask about my brother, but has he not..._ tried _ to take you back to his tent? Because from the look on his face tonight, you can’t tell me the interest isn’t there…”She lowered her face to try to meet mine under my hair and I turned over quickly instead to hide my beetroot coloured face.

“Goodnight Octavia!” I cried, ignoring her blatant laughter at my reaction. 

***

When I woke the next morning, Octavia was already gone from the tent. I was pleased to have finally gotten a decent night's sleep, but disappointed in myself that I’d allowed my frustrations to get the better of me last night. I quickly dressed and made my way out into camp to find out what had come of the landing. It was barely starting to get light outside but the entire camp was buzzing with activity. I checked in with several people to ask if they had seen Octavia, but no one was able to confirm where she was. I made my way to Bellamy’s tent begrudgingly, acknowledging that he would be the most likely to have kept tabs on her activity. Instead of being greeted by either of the Blake’s, I found the two women he’d been with the night before still in a state of undress. I rushed back out with a familiar sense of annoyance and as I was storming towards the woods, I almost collided with Octavia.

“_ There _you are!” I gasped, smiling at her warmly to make up for my cold behaviour the night before. I was taken aback when I noticed her furious face and quickly rushed her back to the tent. “What’s going on?” I asked with a deep feeling of concern. She immediately began pacing around the space and seemed to be struggling to find the words to express her feelings. Her expression was equal parts furious and upset, and I worried over what had caused her to get into such a state. 

“My selfish idiot brother!” She finally spat, still pacing up and down. She didn’t even look at me as she spoke and I raised a brow at her words. 

“You’re right, he is a selfish idiot, but what has he done this time?” I replied calmly, masking the panic in my gut. Recently, it seemed that every time I was away from one of the siblings for even a few moments, they returned with trouble. I’d been apart from both of them for an entire night, which after spotting the pod landing had likely been eventful. I could only imagine how much trouble Bellamy could cause in that time.

“I just, I can’t even comprehend…” She mumbled, stalking a ridge into the tent floor. She stopped suddenly and fixed me with a serious expression. “I know I can trust you, but you need to know...if I tell you this, you can’t tell anyone.” She stressed and I was shocked at the level of terror in her face as she spoke. I nodded and watched her with interest. At the thought of sharing what was on her mind, she broke into pacing again and fiddled her hands nervously.

“Tavi come on, calm down.” I said gently, guiding her to a seat and putting a hand on her arm. I hated seeing her in such a state of distress and did everything I could to help her feel safe to speak. She sighed deeply. 

“He’s fucked up, really bad. And he says it’s for me, like I asked him to ruin his life!” She exclaimed, clenching her fists in frustration. I gently took her fists in my hands and encouraged her to release them, watching her knuckles return from white to pink. 

“What did he do?” I asked, as a knot began gathering in my stomach. I had a terrible feeling that I didn’t want to hear what she was about to tell me.

“He shot Chancellor Jaha.” She whispered in disbelief and I felt a sharp pain of anxiety shoot across my chest at her words. “This is bad Indie, he’s in deep. All this time you told me he was being shady! And I tried to defend him, I wanted to believe he was doing what he thought was best for the camp, but he wasn’t! He was doing what was best for him. He didn’t want the Ark to come down because he knew they would kill him. He didn’t care what that meant for the rest of the people here! You’ve been right all along, all he cares about is me, and keeping you on side, for me.” She ranted, shaking with anger as her emotions poured out of her in a wave. I struggled to hide my reaction as I processed her words. 

“Why?!” I hissed in an attempt to stop myself from shouting back; the last thing I wanted to do was put my own stress on her. “Why on Earth would he do that? He must’ve known it would be a death sentence!” I questioned as my mind raced at this new information, but I tried to keep my panic from reaching the surface.

“For me!” Octavia exclaimed before hot tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. “He found out we were being sent to Earth, said someone offered him a deal. Kill Jaha and they would get him on the dropship. He didn’t want me to come down here alone.” Her expression now seemed conflicted, and she rubbed at her scalp with her fingers in a stressed manner.

I considered her words carefully and found myself conflicted with Bellamy too. I couldn’t judge his decision to take the deal, as I wasn’t sure that I would have rejected it myself. If I had found out about the dropship and been told that I wasn’t going with her, I was sure I’d do anything it took to be there to protect her. Neither of us knew that the other would be here. On the other hand, I was furious that he had continued to sabotage this camp in order to protect himself. I couldn’t blame him for his fear, but I felt hurt that he didn’t trust Octavia or myself with this information. I felt in my heart that we could have dealt with this better together.I looked at Octavia, who seemed on the verge of a breakdown and I sighed as I considered my next words. 

“No wonder he’s been struggling.” I breathed and her attention snapped to me in surprise. “He’s had a hell of a lot on his shoulders since he got here, all I’m saying is no wonder he’s been so unpredictable.” I spoke tactically, careful not to show any strong opinions during such an impossible situation.

“I didn’t ask him to do this for me!” Octavia snapped, and I looked sympathetically at her. I could understand her frustrations but tried to act as a mediator for them instead of being an echo chamber. 

“Look, what he did was stupid and selfish, I’m not denying that. It definitely hasn’t made life down here any easier.” I explained. “And you two will have to sit down and have a proper conversation about this at some point; But for the time being, what he did is already done. All we can do now is decide how we deal with it.” She looked at me in confusion and I smiled. “We talk to him and make a plan. He’s made bad decisions this far, maybe now that he has finally confided in you we can guide him to make better decisions.” I squeezed her hand reassuringly and she took a moment to dry her tears.

“He frustrates me so much.” She breathed, smiling weakly at me.

“I know, but that’s what family does.” I replied, teasingly knocking her on the arm and I could tell from her expression that she knew I was referring to her. “We’ll work it out, together.” I smiled and she seemed to finally calm down. 

***

I spent the rest of the morning assisting with various tasks in the camp, keeping myself busy to avoid thinking too much about Bellamy and Octavia. In the afternoon, Clarke, Finn and Bellamy re-entered the camp with members of his militia and a female that I didn’t recognise walking hand in hand with Finn. I watched the group with interest and waited for an explanation. It was barely moments before Clarke addressed the camp.

“Listen up everyone!” She called, gathering the camp members. “We found the pod that landed last night. This is Raven, she was the pilot and she needs our help. Right now, the council is voting on whether to cull 300 people from the Ark in order to save oxygen. We all know it’s not going to be council teams that take those spots, it’ll be normal working people. People like our families and loved ones. We need to work together to let the Ark know that we’re alive. Raven has a plan to get their attention, so if you want to save them, you need to do what she asks of you.” She spoke with authority and people seemed to respect her orders. 

Clarke stepped aside to allow the newcomer to address the crowd and she wasted no time in assigning people to jobs. I paid close attention to Clarke’s expressions as she watched her and it didn’t take much to notice that she was cautious around her. Once Raven was done with matching people to tasks, she returned to Finn’s side to kiss his cheek. I raised my brows, deducing that this was clearly someone he was close to on the Ark. For the first time, I felt sorry for Clarke, sympathising with her after the way I felt watching girls emerge from Bellamy’s tent last night. 

As I turned to walk away, I noticed Bellamy approaching me and gulped. Although I thought I was past my annoyance from last night after my conversation with Octavia, I felt the familiar bitterness at the sight of him. I tried to quash it before he spoke, but I could feel it forcing its way into my throat, desperate to make itself known to him.

“Well, we gained an extra mouth to feed, but no supplies from the Ark.” He spoke casually, indicating to Raven as he spoke. I shrugged at him in the hope that he would leave before I said anything that I would live to regret. “I didn’t see you after that ship appeared. Unlike you not to weigh in on the big decisions.” He glanced over to me with a playful smile and for once it didn’t spread to me. 

“I decided to get some sleep for once.” I answered disinterestedly, before I felt an overwhelming need to comment on his activities taking over. “I did try your tent this morning for an update, but Roma and your blonde friend weren’t able to tell me anything important.” I looked pointedly at him and he shuffled awkwardly on the spot. I could tell he was regretful, but I suspected it was purely that he regretted the fact that I found out rather than his participation. He cleared his throat before quickly regaining his composure.

“Oh I’m sorry, did you want an invite?” He smiled charmingly and I replied with a look of disgust. I knew by now that this was a defence mechanism of his, I recognised it from the first few weeks on Earth. However, that knowledge didn’t stop my rising frustrations with his behaviour from fuelling my next words as I struck at him in a childish attack. 

“Oh, no thanks, I prefer my body disease free.” I groaned, rolling my eyes in an exaggerated manner. “You might want to be careful with these prison girls, you have no idea where they’ve been.” I raised a brow at him disapprovingly.

“Are you worried about me Indie?” He smiled and his continued deflection only pushed my temper further. I hated it when he resorted to this act and wished he would simply be honest with me. I felt myself starting to wonder if he was purposely toying with my emotions and my attacks only became nastier as a result. 

“Not at all. Honestly, it’s just amusing to me that you’re so worried about Octavia spending time with any of these ‘dangerous criminals’ but when you want to party, it’s all good. Are you always this much of a hypocrite or is it only when it involves your dick?” I surprised myself at the vicious tone behind my words. Bellamy stared back at me, unable to form a response and I rolled my eyes. “Just keep an eye on your prized part, the Skybox was well known for prison itch.” I stormed away from him before I could spit any more venom.

Almost immediately after I’d parted from him, I felt regretful. I couldn’t explain why I had said it and felt like I’d briefly been possessed by a bitter, bitchy teenager in place of my usual distant self. I joined a group working on Raven’s master plan and managed to focus enough to distract my warring emotions. Raven proposed that we didn’t need to speak to the Ark, but to simply let them know that we’re alive down here. She had given specific instructions on how to build and launch rockets that should burn high enough for them to see and we were all desperately placing our faith in her.

I had a brief visit with Clarke to remove the stitches in my forehead and she forced me to look at the wound in the mirror to see how well it was healing. It was clear that we had completely different concepts of healing well, as all I saw was a large, raised scar that tore through my eyebrow leaving me with a strange gap in the hair. The scar was ugly and long, almost reaching my eyelid and I couldn’t face myself for barely more than a few seconds before batting the mirror away in frustration. I had no regrets in the actions that had let me to gain the scar, but the last thing I needed was something else about my appearance to make me feel insecure. I quickly wrapped things up with Clarke so that we could continue assisting with the tasks in camp. 

In what seemed like no time at all, the light faded and work became frantic in an effort to launch the rockets before the Ark executed their kill order. This was the most united I’d seen the campers since we arrived, as we all rushed to complete our tasks as quickly as possible. The sounds of tools filled the air and groups of people carried large thrown together structures to their assigned positions. The rockets that Raven had built from seemingly useless parts were finally readied and lined up to launch, and we all gathered to watch as the switches were flicked. A blaze of purple light accompanied their takeoff and we watched as they burned red trails across the sky. I stood between Jasper and Monty, as we stared up at the night sky, holding all our hopes on the flickering lights of the rockets.

“You know, it would almost be romantic if it wasn’t for the 300 lives depending on them.” Monty commented and I smiled at him. I glanced over to Bellamy, who was standing beside Clarke staring at the sky. His face was full of worry and I felt guilt flip in my stomach. I carefully removed myself from the crowd and returned to my tent for the night to contemplate my behaviour of the day. I didn’t want to attack anyone else today, verbally or otherwise. 


	13. Rᴇsᴄᴜᴇ Pᴀʀᴛʏ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Hɪs Sɪsᴛᴇʀ's Kᴇᴇᴘᴇʀ

When I got to my tent, I was surprised to find that Octavia wasn’t there and I noticed that nothing had been moved since I was last there this morning, indicating that she also hadn’t returned since then. It hit me all at once that I hadn’t seen her in camp all day and I rushed out of the tent to do a search of the area. I checked in every tent that I passed and asked everyone I saw, but no one knew anything about her activities for the day. My attention was caught by a lit torch and I saw Bellamy and Clarke hurriedly making their way toward the dropship. I jogged up to them and blocked their path.

“Have either of you seen Octavia? I can’t find her.” I panted, already becoming breathless in my panic. I felt terrible for not noticing her absence sooner and my mind obsessed over all the things that could have happened to her in an entire day. When I met Bellamy’s eyes, his expression matched mine. 

“No, I haven’t seen her since this morning.” His voice broke with worry as he spoke and it only added to my nerves. It seemed that he had realised not long before me that she was missing. 

“This is bad.” I replied nervously, feeling the terror build in my stomach as I reflected on this information, realising that the last time she’d been seen was after finding out about Bellamy. He watched me with a curious expression, likely following the same train of thought. 

“We’ve got a few places left to check before we panic.” Clarke answered calmly in an attempt to be the voice of reason. I knew she was used to controlling situations, but when it came to Octavia there was no controlling Bellamy or I. 

“You do that, I’ll start waking people and gather a search party.” I replied, immediately turning on my heel and leaving them before anyone could protest. I made my way around the tents, gathering the members of Bellamy’s militia and other capable fighters. I jumped as Jasper appeared behind me and looked skeptically at his nervous form. “What are you doing here?” I asked, watching him carefully.

“Octavia’s missing, I have to help.” His expression was resolute and determined, but I could still sense the anxiety in his posture and movements. I was reluctant to encourage him, as he hadn’t left camp since we had recovered him and from Octavia’s accounts he was still jumpy and unpredictable. I didn’t want to make him feel pressured into a situation that he wasn’t ready for. 

“Jasper, I’m thankful for your help and I know you care about Tavi, but are you sure you’re up for this?” I asked gently, trying my best not to undermine him. The last thing I wanted to do was to destroy his confidence, but if he were to come with us I needed to know that I could rely on him. 

“I’m sure.” He smiled in what he clearly thought was a confident manner and I squeezed his arm in support. I nodded in acceptance before continuing to gather people. Once I’d accumulated a crowd, I returned to find Bellamy addressing them. 

“Hey everybody, gather around and grab a weapon.” He dropped a sheet full of a variety of makeshift weapons that we had been working on for a while. “My sister’s been out there alone for 12 hours. Arm up, we’re not coming back without her.” He stated and people moved to prepare for the journey. 

I stepped forward without hesitation, and picked up a curved blade with red wire wrapped around the handle, nodding to Bellamy. I then rushed back to my tent to pick up some additional supplies I’d been collecting: my usual dagger, some strips of fabric for bandages, a water bottle, amongst other useful items. I’d decided a few days ago to keep things ready for a crisis, as it seemed to be happening on the regular and I was glad now that I’d done this. I returned to the group once ready, expecting to find them ready to depart but instead everyone was gathered together staring up at the sky. When I looked up, I saw a shower of lights making their way to Earth and my stomach dropped as I considered what they were likely to be. 

“They didn’t work.” Raven’s voice caught my attention as she joined us, closely behind Finn and Clarke. I raised my eyebrows at the sight of the two of them together, but quickly pushed my thoughts of them from my mind. “They didn’t see the flares.” She breathed in an emotional tone. 

“A meteor shower tells you that?” Bellamy asked confidently and my stomach lurched for him. I knew he was already on edge from all of his secrets and even more so with Octavia missing. I feared what was about to come out may be enough to push him over the edge and although I was full of conflicted emotions for him myself, I needed him in his best state of mind for Octavia right now. 

“It’s not a meteor shower, it’s a funeral. Hundreds of bodies being returned to the Earth from the Ark. This is what it looks like from the other side.” Clarke explained with a pointed look to Bellamy and I watched his crestfallen expression nervously. A pit formed in my stomach as I watched the way Clarke looked at him and I felt dread creeping down my neck at the thought that he may have done something else foolish to cause it. She turned back to look at Raven. “They didn’t get our message.” She confirmed and signed in upset. Raven turned her furious expression to Bellamy, who looked away in shame. 

“This is all because of you!” She spat, lurching forward for him before Finn dragged her back. I was surprised at the extremity of her reaction and felt the dread growing as I waited for an explanation. 

“I helped you find the radio!” Bellamy growled defensively, pointing a finger in her face and I sighed. It wasn’t usually a good sign when he got defensive in this way. 

“Yeah, after you jacked it from my pod and trashed it!” She lunged at him again as she yelled, despite being held by Finn. My eyes widened at her words and I allowed myself to cover my face with my hands. I was tired of finding new incidents of his reckless behaviour and couldn’t believe he had gone to such lengths to cover his own problems. I sighed loudly in frustration, before uncovering my face to see Clarke addressing him again.

“Yeah, he knows. Now he has to live with it.” She stared him down as she spoke, and I could feel the weight of her words as he squirmed under her stare. I watched him look up to the sky again and for a few moments I could see the vulnerability in his eyes as the lights continued to descend upon us. Every one of them was a life that was now on his conscience and I struggled to comprehend just how he must be feeling at the moment. Although I was furious with him, I also knew that a large number of this camp depended on him _ and _ Clarke’s strength to survive. He turned his gaze back to us. 

“All I know is my sister is out there and I’m gonna find her.” He stated in a matter of fact manner, but I could still spot the telltale signs of shock in him. I knew that I would have to discuss this with him at some point, but for now I could only focus on my need to find Octavia. If that meant supporting him for the time being, I would do it, as I knew he was the only person as determined to do whatever necessary to bring her home as me. “You coming or what?” He asked, looking over to me pointedly and I had a feeling that he was following the same train of thought that I was. I stepped over to him first, planting myself firmly in front of him and fixing him with a furious expression. 

“For Octavia.” I answered sternly, ensuring my meaning passed to him and he nodded back nervously. I would stay by his side to find his sister, but this wasn’t over; I still had plenty to say. 

“What are we waiting for? Move out!” He yelled to the rest of the group, not able to bring his eyes to me again. 

I followed him out of the camp as just another part of the crowd and we made our way into the woods to start our search. We kept close enough together not to lose anyone but spread the group over a large area to look for any sign of her. We walked mostly in silence, focused on the task at hand and as I reached the front of the group Bellamy fell into step with me. For the first time in a while, it was uncomfortable between us and I kept my gaze away from him as I walked, able to feel him doing the same. I was overly conscious of the fact that we weren’t alone, with so many surrounding us and Roma right behind. Bellamy cleared his throat awkwardly, before speaking under his breath. 

“I just want you to know, I had reasons for what I did-”

“I can’t talk to you about this right now. I need to focus on finding Octavia, and I need you to do the same.” I cut him off with a stern voice to ensure that he didn’t try to confide in me and he shrank back into himself, nodding in response. I was all too aware of the possibility of being overheard and I knew that if he wanted to discuss this, I’d want to mention the events on the Ark. 

“Look, over here!” A voice ahead of us caught our attention and saved us both from the awkward feeling that we were sharing. We rushed ahead to find John pointing down a steep hill and looked down with uncertainty.

“What is it?” Bellamy asked in confusion and I shared the feeling as I glanced around, unable to see anything worth calling us over for. 

“Right there.” John pointed down to a bush at the bottom. “You see it? Is that Octavia’s?” I noticed a tiny strip of fabric caught in the bush and my eyes met Bellamy’s in a moment of panic. 

“Rope.” He ordered, turning to the others to set up a route down to it. I watched him in surprise, he’d been acting like such an idiot recently that I forgot he could be sensible. Finn pushed his way through the crowd and approached Bellamy in confusion. 

“What are you doing?” He asked, glancing around at us in bewilderment. 

“We need the rope to get back up.” He answered impatiently, ensuring that the rope was tightly tied to a sturdy tree. “Flashlight.” He grabbed one from a nearby follower of his, stowing it in his belt before attaching himself to the rope and preparing to descend. I watched him with bated breath, as he reached the fabric and took hold of it. “It’s hers.” He called back and I felt my stomach lurch. “I’m going all the way down.” He announced, and I didn’t hesitate for a moment before grabbing the rope and descending, with Jasper immediately behind me. 

I stumbled on the way down, quickly thankful to Bellamy for setting up the rope and I realised that this could have been a problem for Octavia if she indeed went this way. As I reached the bottom, I turned to catch Jasper who tripped in an attempt to catch his footing. When he straightened up I smiled proudly at him, glad to see that his courageous spirit was still alive and brought him down long before the others. I jogged over to Bellamy and found him crouched at a rock, staring at the blood on his fingers. I glanced over his shoulder to see a small pool of blood on the rock and my stomach lurched. I stood rooted to the spot in shock, feeling my mind running through awful scenarios at a hundred miles an hour. Jasper stepped past me to crouch beside Bellamy and footsteps behind alerted me to Finn’s arrival. He quickly joined the other two boys to examine the blood and I found myself glad to have his tracking skills here.

“Someone else was here.” Bellamy stated, causing chills down my spine. 

“The prints are deeper going that way.” Finn pointed ahead, and I leaned around to see large footprints in the mud that I hadn’t noticed at first. “He was carrying her.” He analysed. I felt myself inhale sharply at this additional information and the surprise shook me back into action. I stepped forward to join the group, looking around at the three faces in front of me for an answer.

“If they took her, she’s alive.” Jasper stated as he squeezed my arm and smiled reassuringly.. “Like when they took me.” He added and I noticed that his face fell as he seemed to be reflecting on his own experience. 

At these words Bellamy hurriedly got to his feet and tore off ahead and we rushed to follow. Bellamy and Finn led the pack, whilst Jasper and I were just behind. The torches lit strange shapes in the foliage around and shadows seemed to be lurking everywhere. I felt my heart racing in a way that was unusual for me during times of conflict. I didn’t feel the same determined strength that I usually did when I needed to defend someone and instead found myself at the mercy of vivid thoughts of what could have happened to Octavia already. As we stepped into a clearing, my anxiety only worsened. The group stopped in shocked silence, as we glanced around at the skeletons hung in the trees all over the narrow path ahead. Finn looked nervously over at Bellamy. 

“I don’t speak grounder, but I’m pretty sure this means keep out.” Finn warned as we viewed the bizarre display in a nervous fashion. Bellamy stared back in shock between him and the path ahead, seeming conflicted. Murmurs grew in the group around me and various voices filled the air. 

“Let’s get out of here, it’s crazy!” “I’m outta here!” “Yeah me too.” “I’m out.” I watched as several members of the group seemed to dissipate back in the direction we came. 

“Go back if you want.” Bellamy announced to the crowd without even turning to face them. “My sister, my responsibility.” He spoke under his breath, before taking off in a determined manner straight down the skeleton littered path. I felt in my gut that these words were of some significance to him and memorised them to ask him later. Jasper and I looked at each other for a moment, but I knew there was no chance I would turn back. I could see in his face that Jasper was thinking the same thing. 

“I’d walk into hell to find her.” He stated firmly and we fell into step together as we followed. It was barely a few seconds of reluctance before Finn caught up to us. 

“I think we just did.” Finn added, with a nervous smile and I had to admit that I hadn’t expected him to stay with us. Although he’d been willing to run to anyone’s aid who needed him when we first arrived, his hero complex seemed to be waning recently. I wondered if he was simply here to keep an eye on Bellamy and pushed the thought out of my mind so I could concentrate on the search. 

We continued walking through the night and were still wandering through the trees when daylight broke. I was surprised to find that a couple of others continued to follow, including Roma and other core members of Bellamy’s Militia. I found it difficult and awkward being around her at all, but especially when Bellamy was here too. Instead of leading the pack with him as we usually did, I hung back with Jasper, keeping an eye out for any additional signs of Octavia. Jasper broke the silence, reading the anxiety on my face. 

“We’ll find her.” He breathed as he tried to force a tone of confidence. I looked over to Jasper with a thankful smile. 

“She’ll be pleased to see you Jasper.” I asserted and he smiled weakly back. I could see signs of a disagreement between Finn and Bellamy ahead, but I wasn’t close enough to hear it. I found myself watching them intently as I walked, trying to lipread but it was to no avail. 

“Hey, where’s John?” Roma’s voice broke the tension and I turned to find that our small rescue party was missing a member, one who had been there only moments before. 

“I just saw him a second ago.” Jasper panted, looking shifty and I put a hand on his arm to steady him. I was still nervous that he would bolt at any moment and I couldn’t bear it if he came to harm again out here.

“Spread out, he couldn’t have gotten that far.” Bellamy ordered, but I noticed a hint of annoyance in his voice. I could understand why it was there, I didn’t want to stray from looking for Octavia either, but if there was a threat in the area we needed to know about it.

I took a few steps back to retrace where John had been when something large dropped from the trees right in front of me and I was startled enough to fall back on my ass in the dirt. It took me a moment to realise what I was looking at before my eyes focused on John’s body, his throat violently slashed open with blood splattered all over his clothes. I struggled to my feet with a hand from Jasper, who quickly checked me over. Bellamy and Finn rushed over, taking in the sight. Finn glanced up and looked frustrated at himself as his eyes darted around the branches. 

“They use the trees.” He stated and we all stared up at the vast canopy above us, as we became aware of all of it’s stalking opportunities. Now that I was seeing it in an analytical nature, I realised just how grossly outmanoeuvred we were and wracked my tired brain for tactical suggestions. 

“We shouldn’t have crossed the boundary!” Diggs stated in a panic, unsettling the remaining group.

“Now can we go back?” Roma exclaimed and I fixed her with a vicious glare. I didn’t need any further reason to dislike her and I was annoyed that she would even suggest to Bellamy that he should abandon his sister. 

“There!” Jasper exclaimed and pointed straight at a figure standing nearby who was staring at us. As I turned to look where he pointed, I realised that we were surrounded on all sides.

“We should run.” Finn stated before we all took off through the trees. 

Strange screaming noises and calls echoed through the forest as our feet pounded against the dirt. I could feel the grounders pressing in around us, easily matching our manic pace. I scrambled around the trees, bringing up the back of the pack with Jasper. With multiple recent injuries and starvation, I wasn’t as fast as I once was and I struggled to keep moving. I glanced over at Jasper and could tell that he was finding it difficult too. I found myself panicking in a desperate bid for ideas, acknowledging that we were the most likely to be left behind. No matter where we went, the grounders kept cutting us off and I started to understand that they were likely leading us somewhere. I couldn’t catch my breath enough to communicate this to the group and I was too afraid of being abandoned to stop running.

“What are we gonna do?! They keep heading us off!” Diggs called and I was glad that someone else had been able to point it out.

“Just keep running!” Another voice answered, carrying strangely through the trees. My legs began to feel like lead and my lungs burned. I felt in my gut that I didn’t have much more in me.

“I can’t run much longer!” Jasper cried out in desperation and my heart skipped a beat. I was almost relieved that I wasn’t the only one, but I was mostly overwhelmed with a need to keep Jasper safe.

“I’m not stopping for him!” Diggs immediately yelled back, continuing to sprint ahead. Jasper met my eyes in terror and in a split moment, my legs gave up beneath me. I dropped to my knees, splaying out on the ground as I struggled for breath. I was stunned to find Jasper at my side, using the little strength he had remaining to attempt to pull me to my feet. 

“Indie come on! Don’t give up!” His voice was frantic as he tugged on me, but I could hardly move.

“I can’t do it, go Jasper!” I yelled pushing him away, but he clung to me, refusing to leave me behind. Bellamy glanced over his shoulder to see the two of us and stopped in his tracks. 

“I’m sick of running anyway.” He stated, turning back to us and stomping over to drag me to my feet. Although his touch was rough, I could see the concerned look in his eyes, and he quickly dusted me off. He turned back to the group. “They know where she is.”

Jasper held on to me, panting for air and viewed me worriedly. He checked me over for injuries as I gasped out, trying to catch my breath. 

“Diggs, where are you?!” Roma’s frantic voice caught my attention as she tore off, away from the group that had stopped. I glanced over at Jasper and we exchanged an exhausted expression, both fearful that we could go no further. 

“Roma!” Diggs desperate voice called back to her and I knew that we wouldn’t have a choice.

Bellamy, Finn and the others took off running again and I took a deep breath before forcing myself to move. I pulled Jasper with me, who looked equally like he could drop dead at any moment. _ If he can still run, so can you. _I thought to myself firmly, reminding myself of all Jasper had been through and bullying myself into carrying on. A loud smash rang through the trees, closely followed by Roma’s panicked screams and a fresh feeling of adrenaline coursed through me, carrying me forward.

“Wait, Roma!” Bellamy called out to her, sprinting ahead of me and I recognised the tone in his voice. I knew that he was growing desperate and nearing the point that he would do anything necessary to keep the remaining group safe.

“There could be more, stop!” Finn yelled at almost the same time, and I found myself questioning what I was about to run into. Jasper and I caught up to the boys to find Diggs impaled in a large trap built from a log and metal shards. I reared back in shock, bumping into Jasper who had hesitated earlier. 

“They were leading us here.” He panted in a thoughtful tone. “It’s the only direction we could run in.” He clarified and I kicked the ground in frustration. I’d realised their movements were strange, but couldn’t act soon enough to save anyone. I couldn’t hear any other movement and realised we had lost Roma and another man in the commotion. It was just the four of us and Monroe now.

“Hey, where’d they go?” Finn asked, looking around into the woods and I noticed that I couldn’t see any grounders either. Bellamy looked around in concern, before rushing off in the direction Roma had run. 

“After Roma!” He growled with a deep determination and I felt my stomach drop. I knew that Bellamy would only grow more reckless with every person we lost and I had to acknowledge that he cared about Roma at least a little. I became fearful of the measures he would be willing to take if we didn’t find Octavia soon. We forced ourselves into a sprint again, following in the direction he’d gone. 

After a while of running with no sign of grounders, we slowed to a walk and Jasper and I panted at the back of the group still. We crept through the trees in a tighter unit now in an attempt not to lose any other lives. Finn and Monroe stopped at the front of the group. 

“There she is, Roma!” Monroe gasped, calling out to a shoulder which was poking out from the side of a tree ahead. We all paused and waited for a response, but none came. Bellamy jogged ahead to collect her and I couldn’t help a slight pang of jealousy as he did.

Finn started to follow, leading the rest of the group to do the same and I stayed reluctantly at the back, unsure what the nature of her reunion with Bellamy would be. As he neared her, he stopped in his tracks for a moment, before walking slowly to her side. I neared enough to see the cause of her stillness, as a spear came into my vision. I realised that she was dead, speared to the tree and I gagged on the spot. The weight of the guilt from my thoughts threatened to destroy me. Jasper turned to check on me and I leaned into a tree to vomit. Jasper looked at me in confusion; I had seen far worse than this without sickness before and it only intensified my guilt as I waved him off. 

“It’s fine, I’m fine.” I lied, forcing myself back upright. Finn stepped ahead of Bellamy to look around. 

“They’re playing with us.” He announced as he tried to urge him to act despite his obvious shock. I moved closer with Jasper, to see Bellamy closing her eyes with a broken expression. I felt a crushing guilt, enough to feel as if I had wished this into happening with my own thoughts. 

“She only came because of me.” Bellamy muttered, staring at Roma’s pale face, blood stained around her mouth. His guilty expression matched mine and I felt a wave of empathy for him. Finn leaned over to Bellamy to try to appeal to him. 

“They can kill us whenever they want.” He nudged Bellamy in an attempt to shake him from his shocked state.

“We need to move.” I agreed, calling out to them and concentrated my effort on keeping my voice even so as not to draw any attention to my distress. 

“Then they should get it over with!” Jasper broke into frantic shouting beside me and I stared at him, frozen to the spot. “Come on! We know you’re out there!” He cried into the trees and Finn sprinted over to try to stop him. “You want to kill us!” He yelled tauntingly. It became clear to me in that moment that he shouldn’t have come with us, he wasn’t ready for this kind of stress again yet. I spotted movement in the trees and watched as Monroe noticed it too. 

“Bellamy!” She cried out in fear and he hurried over to us, ushering us into a defensive circle with our backs to each other. As I glanced around at our environment , I realised that we were surrounded by grounders and that they were gradually moving in on us. We all waited in nervous anticipation and I pulled my dagger out of my belt, crouching into a waiting position. 

“We’re fucked.” I panted. My heart hammered in my chest as I realised that I probably wouldn’t even have a chance to use it, if they used the spears they carried we’d all be dead before we could do a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed this and want me to write more, leave me a comment! They keep me motivated 😊💜


	14. SOS Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ Rᴇsᴘᴏɴᴅ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a huge update coming! Thanks to the quarantine, I've reached Chapter 25 of this story, and have finally managed to get that all typed up. I'm working through editing one chapter at a time ready for upload, so if you're enjoying this and want more, leave me a comment! I could definitely do with the motivation get through it all!

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇs:** Hɪs Sɪsᴛᴇʀ's Kᴇᴇᴘᴇʀ & Cᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛs Uɴᴅᴇʀ Pʀᴇssᴜʀᴇ

As the grounders closed in on us, a horn blared out between the trees and they all seemed to stop in place. They looked frantically around, before turning on the spot to run from us. Our small group looked between each other and the forest in confusion. None of us moved from our circle as we remained huddled together nervously. 

“They’re leaving?” Bellamy stated in an uncertain voice and we all waited for some instruction. I couldn’t decide whether to sprint back towards camp or if this were a trick to lure us into another of their traps. The horn continued to blare out as we stood rooted to the spot. Although I realised somewhere in the back of my mind that I recognised the sound, I couldn’t give him an answer.

“That horn, what does it mean?” Jasper asked through panicked breaths, verbalising what we all were thinking.

“Acid fog.” Finn stated, struggling in his bag to find something whilst Monroe and I made frantic eye contact. I could see the terror in her eyes as they flitted between me and the woods, and I could tell that she was conflicted too. Although I would usually throw in a suggestion at times like this, I was unable to decide on an action and instead stayed rooted to the spot in panic.

“We have to run.” She said, looking at me for clarification and I stared back blankly. There were no shelters for miles and I knew from the last time that I barely outran the fog that it moved quickly. We seemed to have gone from one situation of certain death to another. 

“There’s no time.” Finn replied firmly, finally pulling a parachute from the dropship out of his bag and throwing it over us all. We huddled together to fit under the parachute, panicking as we tried to arrange ourselves underneath it. 

“How long are we supposed to wait?” Jasper asked and I quickly realised that we had no idea how long it would last before it was safe to be outside again.

The others moved frantically to close the parachute into an airtight space and as they secured the edges closest to them, I found that I didn’t have enough fabric to tuck in. It was clear that the parachute was really only big enough for four at a stretch and I panicked as I found myself almost rolling out of it in the chaos. Bellamy gripped my hip to stop my falling movement and turned onto his side. He shuffled closer to the others and roughly pulled me into him, sealing the parachute underneath me in a motion that brushed my curves in a way that didn’t seem entirely accidental. We were face to face in such close proximity that our bodies touched at every point and I could hardly breathe. I tilted my face down towards his chest, unable to meet his eyes and shuffled in an attempt to move away. I realised there was nowhere else to go and felt my cheeks burning in embarrassment. I had never been so close to someone in my life and I could tell from the small amused sound that came from him that he wasn’t upset at this outcome.

“Will this even work?” Monroe asked nervously and I tried not to think too much about her question. I’d seen the result of the acid fog; the agonising death that it caused and I couldn’t deny the building terror in my stomach as we all waited.

“We’ll find out.” Finn answered impatiently and as I fidgeted against Bellamy, I found myself thinking that death from acid fog might actually be preferable to the awkwardness of my proximity to him.

“No, we won’t.” Bellamy answered as he pulled my head into his chest and covered it with his jacket, before he risked opening the parachute above our heads just enough to stick his own head out. “There’s no fog.” He clarified as he pulled the parachute off the two of us and helped me to my feet. 

“Maybe it was a false alarm.” Finn commented, as the rest of the group got up. I looked into the trees, pleased to see no sign of the fog or the grounders in the immediate area. I sighed in relief and dusted myself off.

“They’re coming back.” Bellamy growled as if he had spotted movement in the trees and I bolted back into an upright position. I took a few deep breaths in preparation to run again as the others continued staring out in the distance. 

“I think he’s alone.” Jasper commented, and I followed his gaze to see a lone figure running through the forest. 

“Now can we run?” Monroe whispered and although part of me agreed with her, I found myself intrigued with the figure too. It seemed unusual to see a single person out in the woods and although they didn’t seem to have noticed us, I questioned why they weren’t attacking.

“He doesn’t see us. I’m going after him.” Bellamy spoke in a determined tone and both Finn and I stared at him in confusion.

“And what? Kill him?” Finn asked, echoing my confusion. Although I had started to get used to Bellamy’s reckless behaviour, he still managed to surprise me quite often. 

“No, catch him, make him tell me where Octavia is. Then kill him.” Bellamy growled getting to his feet and I followed him immediately.

“For once, I actually agree with that plan.” I said, feeling desperation creeping in. She’d been out here for 24 hours now, if we didn’t get to her soon she’d likely die from her injuries. Although Jasper was kept alive as bait, it was clear that he wouldn’t have lasted long if we didn’t find him.

We crept through the trees, following the grounder as cautiously as we could. He sloped into a burrow in the ground and Bellamy and I exchanged a hopeful look. We waited a few moments for him to enter before following down into a dark room. As we rounded the corner into open space, we were surprised to see Octavia struggling against chains that bound her wrists. “Bellamy?” She cried.

“Octavia!” He rushed over to her as I took in the scene. The grounder we had followed was unconscious on the ground with a head wound. I felt my heart swell with pride, as I realised that she had overpowered him by herself, even whilst chained to the wall. 

“Get the key!” She exclaimed, instructing Bellamy. He picked it up and I noticed it was on the floor right beside her, quickly realising that she had been in the process of releasing herself as we entered. Bellamy rushed to assist in releasing her, before turning back to us. 

“Monroe! Watch the entrance.” He ordered and she nodded as she moved to the entrance. I watched as Bellamy undid the chains and Octavia threw her arms around his neck. Jasper smiled at her and I stood with him, watching with relief. “It’s okay, you’re okay.” He soothed, rubbing her back as she clung to him for what seemed like forever. When she finally released Bellamy, she turned to Jasper. 

“How did you find me?” She exclaimed, throwing herself at Jasper for a hug. 

“Followed him.” He replied with a smile, holding onto her tightly, as if he thought she might disappear. I smiled at the sight, as it reminded me of the hopeful version of him I had met when we first landed here. After everything he’d been through, Jasper rarely smiled like that any more and I relished every time it happened now. When she extracted herself from him, she turned to me. 

“Look at you trouble maker, you didn’t even need us, you had this all under control.” I laughed, as she hugged me close, and managed a nervous laugh in response.

“We should go, now, before he wakes up.” Octavia said firmly, turning to face Bellamy. When I looked over to him, my stomach dropped at his furious expression and I knew in my gut that he was already out of control. 

“He’s not gonna wake up.” He walked to the far wall and took the grounders spear in his hands, pointing at his unconscious form on the floor. Octavia rushed forward to meet him. 

“Bellamy stop! He didn’t hurt me, let’s just go!” She pleaded desperately with him and I watched him in nervous anticipation. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Finn was placing himself between Bellamy and the grounder, and I didn’t want to add another voice to the conflict unless needed.

“They started this.” Bellamy answered defensively, taking both hands to the spear now. “Finn, move.” Finn was crouched over the grounder with his back to Bellamy, thoroughly investigating something. 

“Foghorn.” He muttered under his breath, and I raised a brow at him questioningly.

Before I could say anything, the man on the ground launched himself up, stabbed a small dagger into Finn as he moved and then hurled Finn across the room. He charged past, knocking me to the ground as he went and broke into a brawl with Bellamy. I was winded and gasping for air as the two struggled over the spear and Octavia ran to Finn’s side. I tried to force myself to my feet, but stumbled back to my hands and knees. He quickly overpowered Bellamy, forcing him to the ground with the spear to his throat. 

“Stop! That’s my brother!” Octavia screamed at the grounder, but he didn’t seem to react. I forced myself up and noticed Jasper standing with a large stick, looking as if he were rooted to the spot. I lunged forward to take it from his hands and swung it at the grounders head with all the force I could manage. It was enough to render the attacker unconscious but it used the last of the energy I had and I fell straight back to my knees. Jasper rushed to Finn’s other side to help and I stayed on the spot, catching my breath. Bellamy sat up and slid himself over to my side. 

“Hey Indie, you’re okay.” He spoke softly, rubbing my back to try to encourage me to breathe. 

Once I’d got myself under control, we moved over to Finn who still had a knife sticking in his stomach. I wrapped a couple of the rags I had brought with me around the knife in an attempt to keep pressure on the wound. Bellamy lifted him into a cradle position, and we made our way back to camp. The entire trip was a frantic nightmare, as we tried to keep an eye on our surroundings whilst Bellamy was unable to back us up as he was carrying Finn. Jasper and I assisted Octavia in walking back to camp, as she was injured and exhausted, holding one arm over each of our shoulders. By the time camp was in sight, we all breathed a collective sigh of relief and Jasper called ahead for Clarke.

As soon as the gate opened, Clarke was awaiting us and when Bellamy stepped in with Finn, she immediately began fussing over him. Bellamy handed him over to a group of men who were able to carry him between them and Clarke checked his pulse, confirming he was still alive. 

“Get him in the dropship now, go!” Clarke ordered. She moved to follow, but Raven jumped into her path. 

“Clarke! Can you save him?” She demanded, her face clearly portraying the frantic terror that she felt.

“No, not me. I need my mother. I need to talk to her.” Clarke spoke in an equally panicked tone in return. Raven put her hands over her head in stress. 

“There’s still no radio!” She cried with a momentary dirty look at Bellamy that spoke a thousand words.

“Raven, fix it! Go!” Clarke insisted, and Raven nodded, running to the dropship without hesitation. “Indie, can you help me?” She turned to face me and I was surprised, but nodded and moved to follow her anyway. We were walking to the dropship when Octavia bumped into us and Clarke grabbed her. “Hey, are you okay?” She asked, looking her over with a concerned expression.

“Yeah, just go.” She replied, firmly pushing Clarke away and she easily accepted this, rushing ahead to the dropship. I hesitated, staying on the spot as I watched Octavia reluctantly. 

“I know you probably don’t want to hear this right now, but you need to get checked over Tavi.” I said, putting a hand on her arm to stop her walking away. She looked distracted as she stared intently at something behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see that she was staring at Bellamy and I looked back to her with understanding. “Okay, take a moment to talk it out, then _ please _ come and get checked.” I pleaded, although every instinct in my body wanted to drag her to Clarke kicking and screaming. She nodded in agreement and I rushed after Clarke.

As I entered the dropship I was immediately enveloped into chaos. People rushed around in a panic, as Clarke directed the people carrying Finn to the makeshift space she had created for him and Raven yelled frantic directions at Monty and a small group of others. 

“Indigo! Thank god, I need you.” Clarke noticed me hovering in the entryway and beckoned me over.

“Hey, what can I do?” I asked worriedly, unsure why she had picked me to assist in something medical. I had a relatively solid understanding of first aid, but a stab wound was completely out of my knowledge. I felt uneasy at the idea that she might ask me to assist in anything too graphic, as I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. 

“It’s okay, I know you don’t have medical experience, but you’re good under high stress and I need that.” She stated, as if she had read my mind. “Can you help me to set up a surgical space?” Her face was paler than usual and her wide startled eyes revealed her panic. I couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed by her request, but I reflected on her words and forced myself to remain calm as she expected.

I nodded in agreement and we quickly got to work. We put together a surface that almost resembled an operating table and the people who had carried Finn in from camp placed him on the surface. He was completely unconscious and Clarke ripped the shirt off his chest to give us access to the knife wound. We hurried around him, gathering tools and extra surfaces in anticipation of help from the Ark. Raven continually tried to radio them whilst we set up and I was momentarily distracted by the sound of heavy rain from outside. The weather seemed to be changing quickly and I could hear people running around the camp in a frenzy. My attention was brought back into the room by Octavia, who wandered in with an unusual meekness about her. 

“I’m sure I’m fine Clarke, I don't want to waste your time. You’ve got your hands full here.” She muttered, glancing over at Finn with concern. Clarke met my eyes as I looked over at Octavia with a hesitant expression. I knew it was selfish, but I still wanted her looked at. After what she’d been through she could have all kinds of injuries that we hadn’t noticed yet; she could still be in shock. 

“It’s okay, we’ve done everything we can here anyway, we just have to wait now. You’ll be keeping me occupied.” Clarke smiled reassuringly at her and I smiled in thanks, appreciative that she was doing this for me. “Indigo, could you sterilise the tools whilst I check Octavia over?” She asked and I nodded, setting myself up to work in a spot where I could watch what she was doing. I was thankful to see that Clarke was being thorough, despite Octavia’s objection. 

I noticed that the space seemed to be quickly filling up with people who weren’t there before and just as I was about to question it, I was startled by a powerful bout of lightning. People flooded into the dropship now, searching for shelter and items clattered around in the gusts of wind that tore through the space. I hurried to finish cleaning the instruments before rushing over to meet Jasper as he struggled through the open doors. 

“What’s happening?” I asked, glancing out into the camp to witness the weather ravaging it.

“Real bad storm, it just seemed to come out of nowhere.” He panted in a ruffled manner.

I looked back out to see tents coming loose and items flying across the camp as people ran toward the dropship, bracing themselves against the wind and rain. Jasper and I stood either side of the doors, ushering people in. It wasn’t long before the rain became horizontal and flooded into the open space, and we banded together to try to cover all the openings as best we could with sheets. Clarke appeared at my side, staring out into the camp. 

“Octavia’s fine, no injuries to be worried about.” She spoke gently and I smiled back at her in relief. “This storm is bad news, especially for the radio.” She added, the concern in her expression growing.

“What do we do with Finn now?” I asked, dread forming at the pit of my stomach. I didn’t hold much hope for contacting the Ark and I wasn’t sure how much medical experience Clarke had. If it was going to be left to the two of us to save him, I didn’t rate his chances of survival very well.

“We wait and we pray.” She replied, before making her way back inside.

After a few minutes of watching the rain in anxious anticipation, I returned inside and joined her beside Finn. She unwrapped the rags that I’d earlier wrapped around the wound to reveal the knife and my stomach dropped. It felt impossible to have hope when looking at the knife protruding from Finn’s stomach, but I tried. Raven’s calls for help grew in their desperation, mimicking the feeling of Clarke and I, who made fearful eye contact over the operating table.

“This is a restricted channel. Who is this? Please identify yourself.” A male voice from the radio made my back straighten suddenly and I whipped around to face Raven. Clarke rushed over to stand beside her and I was pushed with her as the crowd surged towards them, eager to hear the response. I struggled to keep my balance in the excited movement, as Raven anxiously replied.

“This is Raven Reyes. I’m from mecha station. I’m transmitting from the ground. The 100 are alive. Please, you need to get Dr Abby Griffin - Dr Abby Griffin, **now**!” She spoke in a frantic manner, stumbling over her words in her rush to get them out. There were several moments of silence as we all waited in nervous anticipation, and no one moved an inch for fear of disturbing something. 

“Raven, are you there?” A soft female voice spoke through the radio that I could only assume was Dr Griffin, as I’d never met her whilst on the Ark.

“Mom?” Clarke actually sounded vulnerable in her response and after everything we’d been through since landing here, I found myself feeling glad for her that she had this chance to talk to her mother. “Mom, it’s me.” She seemed to recover quickly, her voice much firmer as she seemed to become aware of the audience that watched her.

“Clarke?” The hopeful tone of her mother's voice carried easily through the radio and I could almost feel her relief.

“Mom I need your help. One of our people was stabbed by a grounder.” Clarke’s tone had returned to normal and she made it clear that she was focused on Finn. 

“Clarke, this is the chancellor.” A familiar voice followed and I booed loudly in response. I was joined by several others before we had to be quieted by Raven and I looked back at her guiltily. “Are you saying there are survivors on the ground?” The Chancellor’s words were poignant and I couldn’t help but reflect on how much we had learned since arriving here. Not long ago, we believed the Earth was not survivable and that nothing lived here. Now, we lived here and were being hunted by people who were here first. Life on the Ark felt like a lifetime ago already. 

“Yes, the Earth is survivable.” Clarke replied clearly, as if she could feel the weight of those words to the Ark. “We’re not alone.” There was no response from the Chancellor, who I could imagine was contemplating her words in wonder. “Mom, he’s dying, the knife’s still in his chest.” Clarke insisted, trying to steer the conversation back to our needs.

“Clarke, is my son with you?” The Chancellor spoke again and I felt my gut drop at his question. I looked over to Clarke sympathetically. I certainly didn’t envy her in this conversation. She paused by Finn’s side in the middle of preparing for instructions and instead wore a regretful expression.

“I’m so sorry. Wells is...Wells is dead.” She spoke in a forced tone of calm and my heart went out to her.

“Clarke needs you. Patch her in to me when they’re finished.” The Chancellors voice was hollow as he spoke again and it sounded as if he was moving away from the radio as he issued instructions. I forced my way through the crowd, back to the table where Finn laid and leaned over to squeeze Clarke’s arm as she stared at him in a daze. She glanced up at me with fearful eyes. 

“That was a shitty situation and you handled it well. Now we’re going to save Finn, okay.” I whispered reassuringly, fixing her with a determined expression and she nodded slowly back at me.

“I’m gonna talk you through it step by step.” Dr Griffin’s voice was static and hard to understand but we listened carefully. As we waited for instructions, the entire ship rocked and we all struggled to keep balance. Clarke scrambled to hold onto something to keep herself upright and looked at me in a fluster. “Clarke, give 5 - to medical. Medic-” This time the radio cut out to static and Clarke and I looked at each other in panic.

“What?” Clarke cried out as Raven fiddled desperately with the tangled equipment in front of her. “Raven, what’s wrong?” 

“It’s not the radio, it's the storm!” Raven yelled, as she scrambled around in the wires frantically. At that moment, the space lit up with a lightning strike and the makeshift door covers flapped around wildly. It was clear that the storm was only getting worse and I could feel anxiety growing in my chest. Octavia staggered in with two flasks and handed them over to Clarke, who opened one to sniff it. 

“Ugh, Monty’s Moonshine?” She asked with a disgusted face, squinting her eyes from the strength of the small.

“Pretty sure no germ can survive it.” Octavia replied with a smirk and shrugged at her.

“Good thinking Tavi. Plus it’ll give you nerves of steel, or so I’ve heard.” I winked at Clarke in an attempt to lighten the mood. She smiled for a moment and I was glad that I was able to take the edge off the feeling of terror that filled the room, radiating even from the watching crowd. The crash of thunder startled us all back into reality almost immediately and it was clear that Earth wasn’t planning on giving us a single moment of respite.

“The storm is getting worse.” Clarke commented as she worked and I tried not to allow my nerves to show as I met her eyes with a calm nod. “Monroe, close the doors.” She instructed, looking out to the look reluctantly.

“We still have people out there.” Monroe questioned, looking to me for support.

“Monty and Jasper aren’t back yet.” Octavia commented and just as I was about to question when Jasper stuck out, she spoke again. “Neither is Bellamy.” My stomach flipped at her words, as she confirmed that almost everyone I cared for in this camp except her was out in the storm.

“Bellamy is out there? What the hell is he doing now?” I asked in exasperation. I couldn’t imagine what could be important enough to do in this storm, but if Bellamy was leading it, I knew it was bad news. I could hardly keep my frustration from my face as I tried to stay calm as Clarke had asked, but I knew that when I saw Bellamy next, I’d be scolding him for causing Octavia and I to worry about him again.

“It’s all right, they’ll find somewhere to ride it out.” Clarke replied and I turned to her with an unimpressed expression, rapidly losing my cool.

“Like hell they will! Look, I appreciate we can’t exactly send a search party out right now, but we can’t just close the doors and lock people out!” I spat, feeling myself growing irritable with Clarke again. It seemed our brief bonding time was over and although I wanted to support her through this, I couldn’t ignore her issuing ridiculous orders.

“Look, one suture needle.” Raven appeared at my side, handing the item to Clarke without noticing the changed atmosphere between us.

“Indigo, we’ve got bigger things going on right now. I need your focus in this room, that’s why I asked for your help.” Clarke responded firmly and I could feel myself becoming aggravated at the authority in her tone. I glanced over to Finn, lying on the operating table with a knife in his stomach and took a deep breath. Now wasn’t the time to lose my temper with her again. I wasn’t about to agree with her, but I needed to ensure that I didn’t start an argument. 

“Then you’d better keep that door open.” I replied coldly, speaking slowly in an effort to keep control. I stared her down until she looked away.

“Right.” She sighed, finally conceding to my concerns and returning her attention solely to Finn. “I still need something to close the wound.” She explained, speaking at Raven.

“There’s some wire on the second level, I use it for tents.” Octavia suggested and Clarke nodded at her, causing her to rush to get it. As soon as she had left, Raven turned on Clarke, who seemed to be mentally preparing herself for what she was about to do. 

“Tell me you can do this.” Raven ordered. For the first time, her voice was uncertain as she stared at Clarke as if she held everything she cared for in her hands. Clarke stared back at her, wide eyed and nervous. Before she could answer, there was a commotion at the door.

“They’re back!”


	15. Tʜɪs Isɴ'ᴛ Wʜᴏ Wᴇ Aʀᴇ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Cᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛs Uɴᴅᴇʀ Pʀᴇssᴜʀᴇ

“Bellamy!” Octavia cried in a relieved tone.

I turned to face the door and was relieved to see Bellamy enter, closely followed by two figures. As I approached, I realised it wasn’t Jasper and Monty as I expected, but two of his usual crew. Before I could even open my mouth to question this, my gaze caught on the large heap that they were carrying as they threw it to the ground, revealing it to be the beaten and tied grounder that held Octavia captive. She jumped down from the ladder she had been climbing and stormed over to meet Bellamy, who towered over the grounder menacingly. 

“What the hell are you doing?” She asked with an expression of disbelief.

“It’s time to get some answers.” Bellamy answered, squaring his shoulders to seem more authoritative.

“Oh you mean revenge?” Octavia retorted, firmly planting herself in front of him, her frustration plain to see.

“I mean intel.” He defended, and I could tell from his movements that he was preparing to justify himself. “Get him upstairs.” He ordered his men without taking his eyes from Octavia and I quickly stepped into their path to block them. I wasn’t prepared to let him steamroll through the room without a fight.

“Bellamy, she’s right.” Clarke turned from the operating table and approached him with a sensible manner. She opened her mouth to reason with him, but was abruptly interrupted by the crackle of the radio.

“Clarke, honey, we’re ready. Can you hear me?”

Bellamy stared over in the direction of the radio in the bewildered manner, a glint of terror in his eyes as he processed what he was hearing. I watched him as his focus stayed rooted to the radio, even as Clarke spoke and I knew in my gut that she had already lost him to his own agenda. 

“Look, this is not who we are.” She added carefully.

“Clarke?” The radio sounded again and I cursed each new sound from it, feeling it threaten Bellamy with every word. From what I’d seen of him so far, the more threatened he felt, the more recklessly he behaved. I held my position with gritted teeth although the two men glared down at me. Bellamy finally looked back at Clarke, but his expression was one of betrayal and carried the weight of a thousand words that were left unsaid. 

“It is now.” He spat coldly. He stepped toward the men who carried the grounder and at last noticed that I was blocking the way. “Move Indigo.” He ordered firmly, and I crossed my arms, glaring at him in an indignant fury.

“You don’t order me Bellamy.” I growled, holding my position and feeling aggravated that he even dared to speak to me in such a way. His expression faltered for a moment as he considered me, but he quickly returned to looking stern. 

“This is happening. Move.” He stated. His words were sharp and I felt like they weren’t meant for me.

“You’re a goddamn idiot Bellamy Blake.” I spat, feeling anger pounding in my ears. I stepped closer to him, ensuring that he couldn’t get past me. “And I’m not about to stand by and let you make this mistake.” I answered with a determined tone. I almost lost my balance with the force that I was pulled back by. A set of hands suddenly grabbed my arms and forced them behind my back, momentarily restraining me. 

“Bellamy said move bitch.” All in a matter of seconds, hot breath tickled my ear as a deep voice growled from behind me and the men carrying the grounder moved past, starting to transport him upstairs. I struggled against the containment, leaning forward as far as I could against the restraint of my arms before slamming my head back into my unseen attackers face with all the force I could muster. I heard the telltale crack of a broken nose and he cried out, immediately releasing me. I flipped around to face him but only saw Bellamy’s large form gripping him by his shirt. It seemed he lunged for my ambusher at the same moment that I fought back. 

“Put your hands on her again and you’ll be dealing with me.” Bellamy threatened, holding the smaller man alarmingly close to his furious face, before throwing him to the ground. Bellamy turned to face me, his expression no longer stern, but simply tired. “Let it go Indigo.” He sighed, following his goons as they carried the grounder away without a backwards glance.

I paced the room whilst Dr Griffin gave instructions and waited for Clarke to ask me to do something. There was a small scuffle in the waiting crowd and I jumped between it, separating the troublemakers. Clarke glanced over in a stressed manner, seeming as if she was struggling to concentrate. 

“This is ridiculous, you need to be able to focus. Everyone upstairs!” I announced and most people simply stared back at me. “Are you deaf? Get out!” I yelled in frustration, which finally seemed to get some movement. I focused on emptying the space whilst Raven and Clarke concentrated on the instructions from the radio.

By the time I had cleared everyone out, I could hear commotion from the top floor and Octavia’s voice yelling at someone to get off of her. I glanced over to Clarke, who nodded at me reluctantly and took this as permission to leave. I climbed the ladder as hastily as I could and as I reached the second floor, the hatch to the top floor slammed closed. Octavia stood at the bottom of the ladder with a furious expression; I rushed over to her side in concern. 

“I heard you yelling, are you okay?” I breathed as I checked her over and scanned the room for any threats.

“They kicked me out. They’ve got him tied up like some kind of animal, and who knows what they’re going to do to him.” She ranted, sounding exasperated and I widened my eyes at her words.

“They’re out of control. “ I sighed. “As per usual Bellamy thinks he’s doing what needs to be done. This is going to be difficult to stop.” I thought aloud, watching Octavia pace around the room. A flash of blonde hair caught my eye and I noticed Clarke charging from downstairs. 

“Hey! How’s Finn?” I asked eagerly, feeling a pang of guilt for leaving them.

“He’s fine, I think he’s out of the woods for now. Everything okay up here?” She looked at Octavia in an assessing manner before turning back to me. I nodded sheepishly. “Any idea what’s going on up there?” She indicated to the hatch in a frustrated gesture.

“Nothing good.” Octavia replied, crossing her arms. “They’ve got him tied up and they threw me out for the heinous crime of even suggesting they might be wrong.” She added in a sarcastic tone. Clarke seemed surprised at this and I had to admit that I was surprised that Bellamy was allowing his crew to treat her like this. 

“Alright, I’ll try talking to him. Bellamy might be stubborn, but maybe I can convince some of his crew to help. Raven is downstairs with Finn. Indigo would you mind sitting with her, just in case?” She viewed me with a pleading expression and after previously abandoning them, I didn’t feel that I could decline.

“Um, sure.” I replied in confusion, but made my way down the ladder as she went up towards Bellamy and the problem crew. As I descended into the bottom floor, I saw Raven sitting beside Finn, watching him in fearful anticipation. “Hey, sounds like you two saved the day down here.” I smiled, approaching her carefully so as not to startle her.

“It was mostly Clarke, I just watched...and swore.” She replied with a heavy exhaustion in her voice, and as she gazed at me, she blinked slowly in an attempt to stay awake.

“Don’t sell yourself short, she couldn’t have done it without the radio, which is 100% your skills.” I chattered lightly, standing beside her as I watched Finn’s chest rise and fall with more strain than usual. It was difficult to see him looking so vulnerable, and I could hardly imagine how she must be feeling. “How’s he holding up?”

“He’s still alive, that’s more than I dared to hope for.” She answered, not taking her eyes from him as she spoke. I couldn’t blame her for it, she seemed to be coping exceptionally well with all things considered.

“Alive is a good start.” I chuckled. I grabbed a box from the other side of the room and dragged it over to Finn’s bedside, opposite Raven. “Fancy some company?” I tried to sound casual, but I wasn’t sure that I was successful. She shrugged in disinterest, and so I dropped myself down onto the box. We sat in a concerned silence, both keenly watching Finn breathe and it was clear that we were worried that he may stop at any moment. 

“What’s the deal with him and Clarke?” Her sudden question startled me from my daze and I looked up to find her intensely staring at me.

“I’m sorry?” I asked, in a stunned voice, unsure if I’d even heard her right.

“I’m not an idiot, I know something happened before I got here. I just...I need to know what it was, whether it was serious.” She fidgeted with her hands and when she returned her gaze to me, I could see the hurt in her eyes. For once, I found myself at a loss for words. I had never been interested in drama, and I certainly didn’t want to be involved in theirs. I wasn’t sure how I’d ended up in the middle of the camp love triangle. I considered my answer for a moment and I decided to simply tell the truth. 

“I honestly don't know any more than you do , I sense the same vibes but I haven’t heard anything.” I answered, feeling that sharing my suspicions was not beneficial. She needed to hear the truth, not fireside gossip. “ If you think what you’ve seen in your time here is bad, you can’t imagine the shit storm it’s been since we landed. I’ve had plenty on my plate with the people I care about.” I added, hoping to justify my disinterest. I’d almost lost Jasper and Octavia, we had people dying every day it seemed and we were constantly challenged with finding ways to survive simply our basic needs, like food and water. We’d had a murder, a suicide, a rape. I could honestly say that I didn’t care enough to know who was sleeping with who.

“Of course. Not your business right? You don’t know about anyone else.” She sighed, and her tone was one of frustrated disbelief. I squirmed awkwardly, uncomfortable that she thought I was lying. “Alright, tell me something you _ do _ know, what’s happening with you and Bellamy?”She spoke with an accusing tone to her voice this time and I practically choked on my own saliva as I stared back at her in wide-eyed surprise. 

“What?” I breathed, hardly able to get the word out.

“Are you fucking or not? Cuz you definitely seem like you are, but he seems to be fucking several other girls and you don’t come across as the kind of girl to be part of a harem to me. Or do you just hate each other and I’m reading it as sexual tension?” She crossed her arms and raised her brows at me expectantly. I blinked back in disbelief, processing what she had just said. 

“Neither! He’s my best friend's brother and also a massive pain in the ass which makes things complicated.” I rambled, feeling hot and flustered. It was unlike me to lose my cool, but she’d caught me completely off guard. I barely knew Raven yet and even if I did, these weren’t the kind of topics I was good at sharing. She looked at me in an amused fashion. 

“Hmm, so you’re not a liar, you’re just completely oblivious. I’m stuck here with you all now. I know I missed a lot since you first arrived. Of course I chose _ you _ as my source of information.” She rolled her eyes at me and I looked back in confusion.

“Why do you even care?” I asked curiously. I could truly say that I didn’t care what anyone else was doing, and I’d never been able to understand nosy people.

“My boyfriend, who is likely cheating on me, is sitting here dying whilst I’m stuck in this hellhole with a bunch of criminals and no supplies.” She replied, all traces of humour gone from her tone as her exhausted expression showed momentarily. “You want to keep me company? Pointless bullshit gossip is the best distraction I can think of right now. Unless you have a better idea?” She asked, leveling me with an intense stare and I shrugged in defeat. We sat in empty silence for a few minutes, with only the sounds of the storm outside and Finn’s labored breathing filling the space. Raven cleared her throat to break the silence, before speaking in her teasing tone again. “Here’s the thing I don’t get about you and Bellamy, clearly the tension is there, it’s obvious. Why haven’t you gone there? I mean, I get why you wouldn’t want to commit, I’ve barely been here a few days and I can already see that he’s a steaming pile of chaos. But if we’re being real? He’s hot and the way he gets in your face...I’d have climbed him like a tree by now.” She winked at me and I couldn’t contain the sudden snort of laughter.

“Raven, ew!” I laughed. “Well, don’t let me stand in the way of your tree climbing adventures. I don’t need any more stress in my life thanks and things with the two of us are messy enough as it is.” I answered thoughtfully and she shrugged at me. 

“That’s fair. Hey, if Finn chooses Clarke over me, maybe I’ll take you up on that.” Raven tried to sound comical, but the hurt was clear in her words and I viewed her with sympathy. 

“Come on Raven, you know he’d be a fool to-” Before I could finish my sentence, Finn started to shake and we both jumped to our feet. In moments, he progressed from lightly shaking to fully seizing up and we could hardly keep him on the table. “Shit, get Clarke!” I yelled, trying to block Finn from falling to the ground. Raven ran to the hatch and yelled for help, quickly returning to his side.

“What do we do?” She cried, blocking him from falling from the other side of the table as we struggled to keep him on between us.

“I don’t know, I’m not a goddamn doctor!” I replied, looking down at Finn in a panic. “Okay, put him in the recovery position, we need to turn him so he doesn’t swallow his tongue.” I reeled off information from somewhere in the back of my mind and we battled to contain his wiggling form.

“Now what? He’s not stopping!” Raven’s desperate eyes were filled with tears as she watched with a pleading expression. 

“That won’t stop him, it’ll just keep him safe in the meantime. We might have to ride it out. Where the hell is Clarke?!” I yelled and openly sighed in relief as I saw her boots emerge through the hatch. “Finally! What do we do Clarke?!” I called out to her. 

“He was fine, then-” Raven started to stutter in her panic.

“Get my mother on the radio, now.” Clarke answered, as she ran to take Raven’s place holding Finn in the recovery position. She pushed her out of the way, but Raven simply stayed frozen on the spot and watched in shock. “Raven, now!” She yelled, trying to shock her into moving. Clarke’s screams finally seemed to shake her back into action and she ran around the desk to join me. 

“The radio’s dead! Interference from the storm.” She stated, before falling back into an emotional state as she stared down at Finn. “Please don’t let him die.” She muttered in a small, pleading voice.

“Raven, the radio, do I just press the button and speak?” I asked, and she nodded back. “Take my spot, help Clarke and I will keep trying to get us help, okay?” I grabbed her arm and pulled her into my place to spur her into action and she quickly took over. I ran wildly to the radio and dropped myself into the seat, struggling to get the headphones on as my hands shook. “This is Indio Sloan. Calling Ark station. Please come in!” I glanced back to see Raven and Clarke still struggling to hold Finn and the terror in Raven’s face only grew as the seconds passed. “This is an emergency! Can anyone hear me? Ark station come in.” I tried to contain the panic in my voice, but I suddenly understood the enormous pressure on Raven’s shoulders as the radio operator.

“Okay, it stopped.” Raven muttered and I felt like I could breathe for the first time since Finn started to shake. “What’s that in his mouth?” She gasped. I turned to look over my shoulder in response to her question and saw Clarke turning him further onto his side. 

“Quick, help me get him on his side!” Clarke ordered and Raven stared at him in a stiff position as if she were going into shock. “Raven! There is fluid in his lungs, he could choke, quick!” She yelled as she tried to plead with her to act. I watched as together they rolled him over and Clarke quickly checked his temperature with her hand. “He’s burning up.” She stated with a worried expression.

“Fluid in his lungs? Does that mean the knife hit something?” Raven’s voice was panicked and I flashed her a look that said she could do this.

“No, this isn’t blood, it’s something else.” Clarke was beginning to sound panicked now too. “I did-I did everything she told me!” Her voice raised in pitch and she began to breathe rapidly, before inhaling sharply. “I’ve seen this before! Shortness of breath, fever, seizing - it’s poison!” My stomach dropped as she thought aloud.

“Clarke, you sterilised everything! I watched you do it.” Raven argued, becoming increasingly agitated. Clarke looked over to the tray of instruments. 

“Not everything.” She stated before grabbing the knife that he was stabbed with. “Stay here.” She ordered as she stormed toward the ladder.

“Clarke, where are you going?! We need you here!” I argued, but she climbed the ladder faster than I’d ever seen her move. I turned back to Raven, who was watching her go with a look that implied she was struggling not to follow. “No!” I snapped, which drew her attention back to me. “You stay with him! I’m gonna keep trying the Ark and I’ll need your help if I can get Dr Griffin back.” I ordered in an attempt to break through her focus on the hatch. 

“You’re not gonna get through to the Ark in this storm Indigo.” She sighed in an exasperated tone as she looked down at Finn with a hopeless expression.

“I have to try! Look no offence to Clarke here but we need a doctor, a _ real _ doctor. We’re flying blind right now.” I replied assertively. “So you just keep him on his side and make sure he doesn’t choke and I’ll worry about getting that doctor back.” I turned back to the radio. “Ark station, please respond! Can anyone hear me? This is Indigo Sloan, I’m one of the 100. We need your help!” I repeated the message several times over, keeping my voice as clear and even as possible, but couldn’t hear a single sound in response.

“Screw this, I’m going up there.” Raven was already at the ladder by the time I turned around and I felt that I was rapidly losing control of the situation. I was terrified of being left alone with him, I didn’t want to be solely responsible for keeping him alive. 

“Raven stop! I need you down here” I shouted, as I pulled off the headphones and ran to the ladder but she was already out of my reach.

“Keep an eye on Finn!” She called back down and I growled in frustration. I moved to Finn’s side and felt his boiling forehead. I busied myself with finding some rags and water and held a cold, wet rag to his forehead in an attempt to bring the fever down. “Don’t you die on me spacewalker, as much as it pains me to admit, we need your voice of reason here.” I whispered, dabbing at his face gently. I was distracted as the curtains over the door blew open to reveal Jasper and Monty, who were drenched and looked exhausted. “Oh thank god! You’re alright!” I breathed, rushing over to embrace them both in my relief.

“Well, that’s a nice welcome.” Monty teased and I smiled.

“Look, there’s a lot going on and I don’t have time to explain. Monty, the radio worked earlier but the storm is interfering now. Can you work your magic? If you get an answer, ask for Dr Griffin and shout to us. Jasper, keep Finn on his side and use the damp rags to keep him cool. If he starts seizing or anything changes with him, shout for help. I’m sorry I have to go deal with this!” I ranted and ran to the ladder before they could object, but was pleased to hear them running into place behind me.

The others had been on the top floor with the grounder for a while and no one had emerged yet. As I rushed up the second ladder, I could hear screaming and various other bizarre noises that I couldn’t identify. As I flipped the hatch open, the lights flickered on and off and violent hollering filled the room. I pulled myself up to my feet to see Raven electrocuting the grounder whilst the others watched. 

“What the fuck is going on? Raven, what are you _ doing _?!” I screamed, pulling her away from him despite her viscous resistance.

“He’s all I have!” Raven howled in desperation, trying to fight me off. I threw her to the ground, putting myself between him and everyone else.

“What the fuck is wrong with all of you? Why didn’t you stop her?!” I looked around the bewildered, uncomfortable faces around me until I settled on Bellamy, who simply stared back at me in uncertainty. I was disappointed with every person involved, but I could feel a deep fury burning in my stomach for him. I couldn’t comprehend that he was capable of something like this, and the fact that he had been the one to bring him here made me shudder.

“No more!” Octavia growled, storming over to stand beside me, and I was glad to have her with me.

“He’s letting Finn die!” Raven struggled back to her feet and Octavia and I banded together to block the grounder from her reach. I knew that if this came to a fight it would be difficult, we were badly outnumbered. 

“It’s enough Raven, you need to stop! We’re not letting you get to him again. We need to think, not act like animals!” I argued, staring her down and trying my best to diffuse the situation before it reached violence again. Octavia winced to my side and I looked over to see her arm bleeding. 

“Octavia no!” Bellamy cried and my eyes widened as I noticed the grounders knife in her hand. It was the same knife that Finn had been poisoned with and my thoughts raced with the consequences of this action 

“What are you doing?” I gasped, grabbing her arm to look at the wound and feeling my stomach drop. I had already felt terrified enough when Finn broke into seizures, I couldn’t deal with the idea that she could be doing that soon too. 

“He won’t let me die.” She insisted, staring directly at him. I looked at her in bewilderment, struggling to understand where this unshakable confidence in the strange man who kidnapped her had come from. I took a deep breath, realising that the damage of the knife had already been done and knew that I had to trust her to take this risk if we were to gain anything from it. I nodded reluctantly and allowed her to move closer to him. As she approached the grounder, Bellamy reached out to intercept her. 

“Octavia, what the hell did you-” She dodged out of his reach, with a fleeting furious look at him, before dropping to her knees on the floor in front of the grounder.

“Trust her for once Bellamy.” I approached him and pushed him back from her slightly to give her some space to work. He met my eyes and I looked up at him firmly, keeping my hand on his chest to hold him in place.

Octavia laid out a line of small glass bottles from a small leather pouch that clearly belonged to the grounder and put the knife to each individually. After a few tries, the grounder finally tipped his head to the left. She held up the last bottle to the left and he nodded at her. She handed it straight to Clarke, who rushed to the hatch with Raven right behind. Octavia started to wrap her arm as Bellamy reached out to touch her shoulder. 

“Don’t touch me!” She snarled, and I jumped forward to help her up instead.

“Come on, let’s make sure you get some of that antidote too.” I spoke gently and although she flinched initially, when she looked up to see that it was me, she relaxed enough to let me help her. “You first, let’s go.” I guided her to the hatch and paused as she started to struggle her way down. I turned back to Bellamy, who was still frozen to the spot, shocked from Octavia’s reaction to him. I cleared my throat and he looked up at me. “This isn’t over, we’ll talk about this.” I spoke firmly and maintained the look until he couldn’t meet my eyes anymore.


	16. Aᴄᴛɪᴏɴs Hᴀᴠᴇ Cᴏɴsᴇᴏ̨ᴜᴇɴᴄᴇs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've been reading this for a while, thanks! I've been working through the previous chapters to give them a little more flair, as I was too excited to get through the story originally. I've reworked some scenes and filled in a sneaky little few plotholes that I noticed. if you're interested, it may be worth going through for a re-read whilst I work on editing and uploading the rest of the chapters.
> 
> As I mentioned in my last note, there is a HUGE update coming, as I've now reached chapter 32 and will be focusing my full energy on getting that all edited and uploaded ASAP. It's a massive task and so would love to see some comments if you've enjoyed this journey so far. 
> 
> I'd just like to take a minute to say how grateful I am to every person who reads my work and I'm looking forward to continuing to share Indigo's story with you as she grows! I have many more adventures planned for her ;) I hope you're all doing well in these tough times, take care <3

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Cᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛs Uɴᴅᴇʀ Pʀᴇssᴜʀᴇ

I escorted Octavia back to the bottom floor to make sure she got some of the antidote. Then whilst the girls fussed over Finn, I cleaned her wound and dressed it as best I could. Once I’d finished, she insisted on checking on the grounder again. I didn’t fight her, instead opting to check on Jasper and Monty. I spent some time ensuring they weren’t injured from their time out in the storm, before insisting that they change into some dry clothes to warm up and fetching them some food from our limited supplies. Afterwards I made my way to the top floor to check on Octavia, who was cleaning a wound on the head of the imprisoned grounder. As I climbed through the hatch I noticed Miller approaching her, and just heard him speak before he noticed me. 

“You know your brother doesn’t want you up here Octavia, let’s go.” He spoke with authority and I strode over and tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Hi, remember me?” He rolled his eyes at me and put his hands on his hips in impatience. “Yeah, she’s not going anywhere so why don’t you get back to kissing Bellamy’s ass and get out of my face.” I smiled in an overdramatically friendly way and he stared back at me with a tired look.

“Don’t give me shit Indigo, I’m just following orders. She can’t be in here.” He turned to move Octavia and I jumped in front of her, blocking him from touching her.

“I don’t care what orders you have, I’d like you to try having a spine for once. We’re not on the Ark any more, Bellamy isn’t the Chancellor. Surely you realise how ridiculous this is?” I appealed and he rolled his eyes in response. I realised that using reason wouldn’t work as he was too dedicated and decided to try a different tactic. “And if not, then feel free to drag me outta here. But be warned, you saw how it went for the last one of Bellamy’s goons to put their hands on me. Your choice.” I held my position as he looked from me to Octavia, to the grounder and then finally back to me. He sighed in frustration and waved a hand at me. 

“Fuck it, I’ll ask Bellamy to deal with you.” He made his way to the ladder in a defeated manner and I shrugged disinterestedly at him. As soon as he was out of sight, I turned to Octavia. 

“We don’t have long. Here, I’ve still got the moonshine I borrowed for your arm. I can guarantee that whatever they jabbed through his hand wasn’t sterile so I’d get some alcohol on this wound, it might just be enough to prevent an infection if he’s lucky.” I explained my instructions in a rush as I passed the small flask that I’d hidden in my trousers to her and she took it from me gladly. 

“Thanks Indie, I’m glad you’ve got my back.” She breathed as she watched me with a warm smile.

“Always, my girl.” I smiled back. “Besides, this is insane.” I added, indicating to the grounder with a flinch. “We need to do as much damage control as we can. What can I do to help? I’m guessing he won’t let me touch him, can’t really blame him. I can find some extra rags, maybe bring more water if I can ninja back up here before Bellamy.” I forced a teasing smile despite the tension of the situation. She glanced up at the grounder with a tenderness that I hadn’t seen in her before and I watched her with interest. I was still uncomfortable with the strange situation between them but decided not to press on that just now. 

“I don’t know, you protected him and you’re with me. Maybe he’ll let you help?” She thought aloud as she kept her eyes trained on him. I glanced up at him and noticed that he was staring intensely down at me, as if he was trying to get the measure of me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner, I didn’t imagine for a second that they would do this.” I sighed as we made eye contact. My eyes roamed over the numerous wounds they had inflicted on him and I cringed. “Look, I know this is difficult, but we really don’t have long. Once Bellamy gets back up here, there’s not much I’ll be able to do to stop him. I’ll try my best but…”As I trailed off, he gently nodded at me and I startled unexpectedly. I stared back in disbelief for a moment, before forcing myself into action. I grabbed a fresh damp rag and approached him, gently wiping the blood and dirt from his face. Octavia finished cleaning his hand and glanced over at me. 

“They still haven’t found us.” She muttered in disbelief and I couldn’t help feeling that this was strange. I’d have expected to be dragged from here kicking and screaming by now. 

“Bellamy’s probably stomped off somewhere, you know what he’s like. My guess is Miller’s trying to find him.” I replied, voicing my thoughts as they ran through my mind. “Let’s not waste time. What else did they do to him?” I asked, rushing as I cleared any obvious blood from his skin.

“Bellamy whipped him with a seatbelt.” She answered reluctantly, glancing around at his back and wincing.

“God damn it Bellamy.” I growled under my breath. “Did it break the skin?” I asked, not really wanting an answer. Octavia nodded at me with tearful eyes. “Okay, get some alcohol on the wounds, it's gonna sting but god only knows what oil and crap is on those belts.” I instructed, as she rushed around to his back. I cleaned up all of the blood I could see, then jogged over to grab a bottle of water for him to drink. I gave him enough time to drink, then he pulled away from me. “I think we’ve done everything we can for now Tavi. You should get out before you get caught up here again. I’ll deal with your idiot brother.” I suggested gently.

Octavia looked at me reluctantly, then stared back at the grounder with remorse. After a few seconds of silently debating herself, she finally nodded in agreement. I spent a few minutes clearing up the items we’d used and tried to cover that we’d even been here whilst I had the opportunity. I caught the sound of footsteps and Bellamy stepped into the room.

“Indigo, what are you doing up here?” He asked in an irritable tone.

“I’m just checking on your torture victim. I’m doing what you seem to have forgotten how to do, treating him like a human being.” I spat, glaring at him furiously.

“What did you want me to do, let Finn die?” He yelled, throwing his hands up in a display of exasperation.

“No, don’t do that.” I growled, feeling frustrated that he would even try to fool me. “This was never about Finn, you bought him here before we even knew that he was poisoned. This was about you and your goddamn reckless behaviour!” I pointed at him aggressively, determined not to let him win me over with excuses this time. 

“You’re right, I bought him here for answers, to save all of us! They’re killing us Indigo and I need to know why!” His voice was growing aggressive now and I groaned in response. I opened my mouth to argue but he cut me off. “And then yes, I found out that Finn was poisoned and I did what I needed to. Clarke and Raven escalated it and I let them. Finn is still alive because of that.” He tried to justify himself and I scoffed in response.

“Don’t try to shift the blame Bellamy!” I exclaimed, calling him out for his excuses. “Yes, the girls did their part, I’m not denying that, but that just makes you _ all _ wrong. It doesn’t take away from your guilt! You want to be a good leader? You can start by taking control of a situation when people cross the line like they did tonight. You just stood there and let it happen!” I spat and realised that my voice was rising as I spoke. I took a breath and lowered to a disappointed hiss. “Better yet, lead by example - maybe don’t bring in a prisoner and set up a torture chamber in the first place, Christ!” I held my hands to my head in frustration, feeling myself growing impatient with him.

“What do you want from me?” He asked, staring at me with tired eyes and shuffled on the spot. He was clearly uncomfortable with my scrutiny and I could tell from his reaction that he wasn’t used to being held accountable in such a manner.

“I want you to stop behaving like a child!_ Think _. Actually use your brain instead of just charging into the situation and destroying everything in your path.” I yelled and he startled at my words. I took a few deep breaths to try to calm myself slightly, noticing that I was losing control.

“I am doing my best to protect you all, and you and Octavia make it unnecessarily hard.” He spat, causing me to grow furious again. “You can’t keep challenging me in front of everyone, I can’t tell the guys to make an exception every time you cause trouble, it raises too many questions-”

“I don’t need your protection, I can look after myself! I can floor your goonsquad just fine if they cause me problems. You’re not the fucking Chancellor Bellamy!” I was now screaming in fury and he stood stunned on the spot, staring at me wide eyed. I took a deep breath and slowed my breathing before continuing. “You can’t just use your following to do whatever you want, we may need leaders but we all need each other to survive and currently you’re just treating this like your own personal dictatorship. _ This _ was not okay!” I indicated toward the grounder as I spoke. “Your actions have consequences, for all of us. From what I know, it seems yours are already catching up to you.” I added poignantly. His eyes grew even wider in shock and his expression was of disbelief. “Octavia and I are a team, we deal with things together. It’s long past time for you to utilise us, confide in us, let us support you, instead of constantly fighting us.” I softened my voice to a reasonable tone and tried to guide him to consider my words instead of just rebuking me.

We stood in a heavy silence as he processed what I had just said and I watched him with interest. I hadn’t meant to tell him that I knew about what he’d done on the Ark, but it slipped out in my temper. It seemed when I was around him that I had just as loose a grip on my emotions as him. Octavia thought it was a risk for him to know that I knew his secret, that he may try to get rid of me, but I never felt in any danger from him. He was unpredictable and, at times, selfish, but I knew in my gut that he wouldn’t harm me. 

“Octavia wouldn’t support the shit I’ve done.” He muttered, almost too quiet for me to hear and I raised my brows in surprise.

“I understand how much you want to protect her. I get it, I’m not sure there’s anything I wouldn’t do to keep her safe.” I empathised, finally starting to cool off.

“You don’t know shit.” He snapped, before quickly reigning himself in. “I can’t talk to you.” He turned on his heel and started back down at the ladder. I finally felt like I was getting somewhere with him, like he was about to confide in me, before he left. I paced around, trying to shake the thoughts from my head, but it proved impossible. I went to the bottom floor instead to check on Finn and although I was relieved to see him awake with Raven fussing over him, I noticed that Clarke seemed distressed. 

“What’s going on?” I asked with genuine concern, despite my annoyance with her earlier actions. I had to put my feelings aside and be responsible, as it seemed that something had happened here.

“Bellamy just left, the storm seems like it’s passing but I still really don’t think anyone should be out there yet.” She stared at the door and I felt my stomach flip. I knew he had a tendency to take off on his own when he felt overwhelmed, but this was not the time to do so.

“Okay, it’s fine, I’ll go get him.” I replied calmly, grabbing a jacket to cover myself and preparing to leave. 

“No, Indigo you can’t. Let me get a group together.” Clarke began but I cut her off.

“No, don’t get anyone. It needs to be just me. Look, it won’t take me long, if I’m out there for ages then you can send people to look for us. Just give me some time to talk to him, please.” I pleaded and Clarke looked sympathetic, nodding gently in agreement.

I grabbed a torch and headed out into the rain. It was much calmer than it had been earlier, but still far from pleasant to be in. It was much harder to navigate the camp now in the dark and rain and the destruction of the storm had transformed it into a challenging obstacle course. I wandered aimlessly through the destroyed tents and fallen trees, before I spotted Bellamy’s large stature in the same clearing I’d found him hiding in the last time he’d stormed off. 

“Bellamy! What are you doing out here?” I called out to him, but he didn’t seem to react to me at all. He stayed rooted to the spot with his back to me and I waited nervously.

“Go back, Indigo.” He replied coldly without even glancing over at me. I ran the rest of the way to him and grabbed his hand. He didn’t put up a fight as he was too surprised by the sudden contact and I dragged him to a small shelter that had somehow survived the storm. We struggled inside, with him reluctantly following me and although we were no longer in the direct rain, the structure creaked and rain dripped constantly through. I stood soaking wet with my hair sticking to my face and waited for him to speak, but he simply stared at the ground in a daze. 

“Why are you out here?” I asked, unable to fathom what could bring him out in this. No matter how he felt, he had to know that this was a ridiculous risk to take and I was disappointed in him for doing this. 

“I needed some time to think.” He replied cryptically and I sighed at his lack of explanation. 

“And you decided that outside in the dangerous storm was a better place to do that than in the dropship?”I questioned, looking at him in total bewilderment. He didn’t answer me, still staring at the same spot on the floor as if it was the most riveting thing he’d ever seen. I sighed deeply and wondered about the space, finding a spot to perch myself. I looked up at him, almost able to meet his eyes now that I was so far below him. “Well, I’m not going anywhere so you may as well talk to me.” I added with a determined tone as I waited. He sighed deeply and looked over to me, still not appearing to be fully in the moment as he battled his thoughts. 

“The situation with Octavia is more complicated than you realise.” He said firmly and as our eyes met he looked vulnerable in a way I’d never seen on his face. I realised that I may have pushed too hard in our earlier argument and waited to see if he would indulge on the true issue that had motivated his behaviour tonight.

“Try me.” I replied quickly. I didn’t move, afraid that I could startle him. I sat perfectly still, even breathing slowly as I waited for him to speak.

“She’s all I have. We don’t always get along but she’s my blood. We’re all that’s left of our family. Our parents are gone and we didn’t grow up close to anyone else; our whole childhood was focused on hiding Octavia so we kept everyone else at a distance to avoid suspicion.” He explained, beginning to pace around as he spoke. “When I found out that she was being sent to Earth, I’d have done _ anything _ to be there to protect her. I didn’t want to lose her. She’s all I have left to live for.” He paused for a minute to stare at his hands nervously and his words immediately struck a chord with me.

“I feel the same.” I replied quietly and he looked at me in confusion. “I may not have grown up with her, but she saved me. I know what it’s like to have no one, you know my story.” I shrugged and he watched me with interest. I hadn’t planned on sharing any more of my past with him, but I felt that it may help us to find some common ground if he understood my bond with his sister. “When I entered the Skybox, I was a broken person. I kept to myself, I didn’t know how to trust or even care anymore. I stayed that way for a long while.” I spoke in a soft thoughtful voice, and my honesty seemed to relax him slightly.

“So, what drew you to Octavia?” He asked curiously as he watched me and I was surprised to find that he was interested in our background. 

“Nothing.” I chuckled under my breath and he raised a brow at me. “She was just another face in the crowd of people who ignored me and that suited me fine. One day, I found out about my mother...I completely lost it. They had to send me to solitary to contain me. And somehow, Octavia managed to find a way into there. She just appeared out of the vents like it was the most ordinary thing.” I smiled at the memory and stared down at my hands. “I think she could hear me crying from her cell. So she just sat beside me and held my hand while I cried. I didn’t think I’d ever want human contact again until then. She sat all night without saying a single word. She just made sure that I didn’t suffer alone and it was the tipping point that made me feel like a person again.” I smiled and looked down to the ground, reflecting on how much had changed since then. 

“She’s always been compassionate.” Bellamy breathed with a smile and I was glad to see that he was emerging from the guarded state he’d been in when I found him out there. “But she said you looked after her?” He questioned and I wondered why Octavia hadn’t told him more about her time in the Skybox since we’d been here. 

“When I next saw her some of the other inmates were giving her a hard time, you know what they called her.” I looked at him and he nodded in agreement. They’d still referred to her as the girl under the floor even when we landed here and I was glad that I hadn’t heard the name since. “I stepped in to defend her on instinct. Before I knew it, I‘d committed what was left of my life in prison to protecting her and preparing her to take care of herself when she got out. I never thought for a moment that I’d see that day with her, especially not on Earth.” I chuckled in disbelief. When I finished speaking, Bellamy was watching me with a hint of fondness. He slowly moved across the space, and settled down to sit on the floor beside me. 

“Did she ever tell you that it was my fault she got caught?” He asked gently and I shook my head in confusion. “I had the stupid idea to take her out, just for one night. She was always so lonely and sad, I wanted to see her smile. There was a masquerade ball and I thought it was the perfect opportunity for her to blend in. I hadn’t long started working as a guard so I thought I could keep an eye on the situation and scare off anyone who started asking questions. Instead, the guards ended the party early and she couldn’t get out without passing a checkpoint. They took her away and I was completely powerless to stop it.” He balled his fists and I could feel the tension in him. I had heard this story before from Octavia, but it was strange to hear it from his perspective. It was plain to see that he carried the weight of his guilt from this mistake even to this day.

“No wonder you felt like you had to save her.” I commented, and he glanced over at me quizzically. “You blame yourself for her arrest, so of course you’d do anything to save her from the punishment. I can see why you took the deal to get here. But Bellamy, that kind of guilt destroys you from the inside out.” I reasoned with an assertive tone as I viewed him, before sighing deeply. “I should know. I blamed myself for my mother's death so much that I almost joined her.” I confessed and his brows furrowed together in concern. “You can’t hold onto it, you have to let it go.” I breathed gently. 

“It was my idea for her to go to the party, that decision lies on me.” He stated firmly and I was unsure what else I could do to reach him. 

“And it was her choice to take the risk and go.” I argued, trying to play devil's advocate for him. 

“She trusted me to protect her!” He hissed and I jumped slightly at his reaction. “She didn’t really know what it was like outside of the room she lived in, what the risks were. It was my judgement to make and I failed her.” His voice started to raise again and I steeled myself as I continued to push him to reflect on his own feelings.

“She doesn’t blame you for that, she knows that you were trying to do something kind for her. She told me herself, she takes responsibility for her part in it.” I admitted, recounting some of my conversations about her arrest when in the Skybox. She’d reflected on the events and was able to understand her part in it after some time. “So why don’t you try letting go of at least her small portion of the guilt for a start?” I tried to be gentle whilst still giving the right prompts. I couldn’t just tell him what to think, that wouldn’t change anything. I needed to guide him to question his own beliefs if he was going to change for the better.

“No, it’s my fault. My sister, my responsibility.” He spat, resolute in clinging to the guilt of his actions. I sighed and watched him with a sympathetic gaze. I took a moment to choose my next words carefully, knowing that a misstep here could cause irreparable damage between us. 

“I’ve heard you say that before.” I muttered and he turned his face slightly from me. “It’s something important, right?” I asked gently and he continued to look away.

“Not really.” He deflected. I sat in silence for a while, allowing him time to decide whether he wanted to talk to me about it. He sighed deeply. “It’s just something my mother said when Octavia was born.” He spoke in a tone that tried to downplay his words. I stared at him with wide eyes but he avoided my gaze. I tried to cover my shock and concentrated on keeping my tone even and casual. 

“Wow. How old were you?” I asked in a forced tone of calm but I found it difficult to comprehend. I wasn’t sure if Octavia even knew this and I wondered how it would affect their dynamic if he were to tell her.

“I was seven.” He replied quietly. I struggled significantly now to keep my emotions in check and took a moment to steady myself. I was pleased that he was being so open with me but I feared judging the situation wrong, or crossing a line. I took a deep breath before speaking again. 

“That’s a lot to put on a seven year old.” I breathed, glancing at him with a sympathetic expression. 

“Maybe. But what else could she do? She had to rely on me to keep her secret.” Bellamy sounded defensive now and I knew I’d hit a nerve. “You know the rule on the Ark, only one child per family. It was hard to explain to her that she could never leave the room, or go to school, or have any friends. We didn’t have a father to help, so I helped our mom to raise her.” He explained and I looked down at the ground nervously. I was so deep into this conversation now that it felt like there was no easy way out. I spoke slowly and carefully. 

“It’s an impossible situation...but, you did it. Octavia grew up and she’s still kicking. You can credit yourself for that.” I answered honestly and he scoffed in response, but didn’t say anything else. “Thing is, she isn’t a child anymore. Maybe it’s time to start trusting her a little more?” I suggested gently, afraid of his reaction.

“Right, cause she’s made such great decisions so far?” He scoffed, glancing at me in annoyance.

“Look, I’m not saying let her wander off to live in the woods, but we all make mistakes. You’re not the only one watching out for her anymore, so maybe you don’t need to let your need to protect her be completely your responsibility?” He considered me carefully as I spoke and I hoped that my words were reaching him. “I’m not trying to act like I know her better because she’s _ your _ sister, but from what I know of Octavia, the harder you try to hold onto her, the harder she’ll fight against you. Give her a little more freedom and she might just surprise you. Think about it, please.” As he met my eyes, he looked at me in amazement and I smiled. “Now, could we get back to the safety of the dropship?”


	17. Cʜᴀᴏs Iɴ Cᴀᴍᴘ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still feeling a huge buzz on inspiration, so have been focused on writing more rather than editing what I already have! I'll be forcing myself to work on updating this more in the coming weeks, so be sure to subscribe to keep up to date on the new chapters. <3

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Dᴀʏ Tʀɪᴘ

Although it was crowded and the atmosphere was still tense from the storm, I was pleased to return to a solid structure for the night. Octavia and I bundled up some supplies in a corner and after some persuasion, she agreed to stop obsessively guarding the grounder and to actually try to get some sleep. It was hard for either of us to relax, especially when I saw Bellamy head up the ladder for his turn watching our prisoner as Octavia dozed on my shoulder. I was starting to feel the strain of worrying about the Blake siblings; any time I was busy with one of them I could almost guarantee that the other was getting into trouble. I barely managed a few brief cat naps throughout the night despite my exhaustion. Instead, I was one of the first up and about in camp working on repairs in the morning. 

In my time here I’d already become quite efficient at sewing and so I was quickly assigned to repairing the damaged tents. I had a brief cheeky visit from Jasper and Monty on their way back from their successful foraging adventure to offer me some nuts that they’d found. I declined the food, feeling too stressed to eat and I promised to join them for a proper meal later on. I settled into a quiet corner near the edge of camp to work and enjoyed the peace of the alone time. After spending time on the Ark living isolated in a cell, I realised that it was a challenge for me to adjust to the constant presence of so many people. I keep my mind from wandering over what trouble Bellamy and Octavia could have gotten into by now and instead reassured myself that both of them tend to make a big enough scene for me to notice. I spent a couple of relaxing hours sewing and watching the bustling activity of the camp as people woke and were assigned to various tasks. We’d managed to assemble a food line with people organising portions into neatly packed rations so that we could keep track of our supply levels.

I noticed several people heading over to the area where we’d been keeping prisoners and I watched their activity with interest. I assessed that they carried enough supplies to indicate that repairs needed to be done to the makeshift cells we’d created and I wondered where they would put the two attackers whilst they rebuilt. I continued sewing as I waited anxiously for someone to escort the two men past, but no such movement happened. After a while, more assistants arrived with shovels and two large sheets filled with a human shape were carried past me to the gate. I overheard the people who hauled them out discussing how glad they were that the storm had only killed the rapists of camp and I was relieved to hear that no one else had been hurt. I was conflicted on whether it was appropriate to feel no sadness at the death of two members of our camp, as I knew in my gut that I would have argued against killing them for their crimes. I decided to allow myself to feel relieved that the decision on what to do with them had been taken out of our hands and I tried not to feel guilty about it. Once I’d accumulated a pile of repairs, I made my way back into the fray and took them to add to the pile of fixed items that were waiting to be set back up in camp. As I organised the pile, Clarke approached me with a nervous manner and I struggled not to roll my eyes. 

“Hey Indigo, I couldn’t find you earlier. I don’t know if anyone’s told you yet but we’ve got video contact up and running with the Ark. They’re sending all the families in for a chat so if you’ve got anyone to contact-”

“Nope, my only family is down here.” I cut her off abruptly, not wanting to engage in personal conversation. I was honestly still frustrated with her for getting swept up in the torture last night, but I was too exhausted to confront her for her part in it right now. “Anyway, I’ll go back to the orphan corner. The Ark’s quite good at creating us, I’m sure it’ll be crowded in no time.” I spat coldly as I stormed away from her.

I returned to my sewing and tried not to be bitter as I watched people being called to the tent one by one for time with their families. I struggled not to picture my mother and when I failed, I imagined what she would look like now. My mind filled with images of her, the warm tone of her short auburn hair, her fair skin always a fawn white coated in hundreds of tiny amber freckles. It was one of the most beautiful, fascinating things about her to me, the little sporadic pattern on her skin that sadly never passed to me. I remembered the blue lagoon of her eyes, glistening with a multitude of hypnotising shades and if you paid enough attention, a miniscule ring of hazel right around the pupil. I saw them every time I looked in the mirror and it was still haunting for me even years later. It was only worsened by the fact that my eyes never sparkled like hers had in her happier years, in the memories of her that I cherished most desperately. Instead, mine were dulled and depthless, the same way hers looked after years of pain and suffering endured at the hands of the guard who destroyed both of our lives. The eyes that I inherited from my mother were a constant reminder of the state that she had been in the last time I ever saw her and I suspected it was a large cause of the self loathing I felt whenever I dared to look into a mirror. I was relieved to be pulled from my thoughts by the sound of footsteps nearby and I glanced up to see Clarke and Bellamy making their way out of camp. I casually approached them, trying not to show my concern and Bellamy seemed relieved as he saw me. 

“Hey, you heading out?” I asked with an interested look as I noticed the supplies they both carried.

“Yeah, the Ark mentioned some supplies nearby so we’re going to scout it out.” Clarke replied, whilst Bellamy watched me with a tense air about him that seemed to come from nowhere.

“Oh, well that’s promising. You sure you’re okay with just the two of you? I can back you up if needed?” I offered earnestly, but as Clarke opened her mouth to answer Bellamy abruptly cut her off.

“No I need you here.” He spoke firmly and I stared at him in confusion. He glanced over to Clarke reluctantly, then took my arm and walked me slightly further from her, lowering his voice. “Look, I appreciate you coming after me last night and I’ve been thinking about what you said. I will _ try _ to trust Octavia more, you have my word on that. But for now, I trust _ you _. Can you keep an eye on her for me?” His expression was deeply serious, more so than the situation warranted and I felt like there was something more to his request that he wasn’t sharing with me.

“Of course I can.” I answered, considering him suspiciously. “Is there something else going on Bellamy?” I asked in a vain attempt to encourage him to be honest with me.

“No, I just…” He trailed off unconvincingly and I raised a brow at him. “I’m on edge with that grounder in camp. I’m trying to trust her not to do anything stupid, but if I’m honest, I’m expecting it. Just...tell me that you’ll keep her safe for me?” His eyes were strangely intense and he still gripped me tightly as he spoke.

“You know that I will.” I breathed with a confused tone, feeling nerves settling in my stomach as I assessed him. “So you just make sure that _ you _ come back safe, deal?” I replied, compelled to reassure myself that he would be coming back as I embraced the feeling that something was wrong. He didn’t answer me, turning to walk away without even a nod of acknowledgement. I grabbed his arm firmly to stop him from leaving. “Bellamy, I mean it. Be careful out there, please?” I added, my words quickly fading from assertive to pleading. He nodded reluctantly but it did nothing to relieve my fear. I watched him and Clarke make their way out of camp with a knot in my stomach and I had to force myself to return to the dropship instead of staying there to wait for their return.

As I entered the ship and searched around for Octavia, I wasn’t at all surprised to find her anxiously waiting on the second floor, under the hatch where the grounder was being held. I was walking toward her when Connor pushed past to bang on the hatch and yell up. 

“Hey Miller, Roma’s parents are waiting for you on the radio.” He called before turning on his heel to walk straight out without waiting to see if he had been heard.

My stomach lurched at the mention of her name but I tried to concentrate on the task at hand. From Connor’s words, it sounded like they were about to leave the grounder unguarded and I could already feel Octavia desperately staring at me. I diverted my path to avoid looking suspicious and fiddled with some supplies in an attempt to look busy. Fortunately Octavia understood my strange move and she quickly did the same on the other side of the space as we tried to look casual whilst Miller made his way down the ladder and stomped outside. Octavia immediately dashed to the ladder and I ran over to meet her. 

“Hey, Bellamy’s out of camp so I’ll try to keep the goons out of your hair. I’ll give you as long as I can but _ please _ don’t do anything reckless. I know you trust him and I’m on your side that this whole thing is wrong but you still need to be careful. Don’t let your guard down. Now go.” I rambled in a hurry, before practically pushing her up the ladder to speed her up. I knew in my gut that Bellamy would be furious with me if he knew what I’d just done, but our methods of protecting Octavia were different and I found that allowing her to make her own decisions and mistakes was working well for me so far. She was growing, which she needed to do in an environment like this and I maintained her trust. In my mind, it was most important that she always continued to trust me with her problems so that I could help when she got herself into trouble, instead of sneaking around behind my back like she did with Bellamy. I waited nervously on the spot whilst Octavia was upstairs and I expected to run into trouble at any moment. It wasn’t long at all until it came. Miller approached the ladder with a furious expression and I steeled myself for a conflict. 

“Miller, how were Roma’s parents? I can’t imagine that as an easy conversation to have. If it helps I can speak to them? I was with her when…” I trailed off, unsure of what else to say. I wasn’t even sure if what I’d offered would be of any help at all, and felt guilty for even trying to use it as a distraction.

“No Indigo, that wouldn’t help at all. Now get out of my way, I need to get back to guarding the piece of shit whose friends are killing us.” He spat, pushing past me. I jumped back in front of him to try to block him and he looked up at the hatch in frustration. “Oh goddammit, Octavia is up there again isn’t she? Will you two ever give it a fucking rest with getting in the way?” He growled and I shifted awkwardly. I was disappointed that I hadn’t been able to think of a better distraction and instead had to resort to reasoning with him.

“Come on Miller, she’s not doing any harm and Bellamy isn’t even here. She’s just treating him like a human being.” I answered in an attempt to diffuse the situation and I already felt in my gut that I was wasting my time as he viewed me with disgust.

“What about our people, the ones they killed? You think they treated them like fucking human beings?” He spat as he continued to try to get to the ladder, but I remained in front of him to block it.

“We don’t even know if he had anything to do with that. We don’t know anything about Earth, we didn’t even expect there to be people here! We can’t hold one man responsible.” I argued, trying to reason with him despite his growing anger. I couldn’t tell which of us would lose our temper first as he looked down on me and I felt my stomach turning in frustration.

“Get out of my fucking way Sloan! Bellamy isn’t here to shield you today, don’t fucking test me!” He growled, attempting to pull me out from the ladder but instead I instinctively pushed him away from me and held my ground.

In an explosion of anger he swung at me; his fist collided with my jaw and caused me to stumble back. True to my assurance to Bellamy that I could protect myself, I rammed into Miller, tackling him at his waist and splayed him out on the floor. I pulled my arm back to punch him but before I could complete the movement I was interrupted by frantic yelling as Jasper stumbled into the space. 

“Octavia! Indigo! Octavia!” His tone of blind panic caused me to let go of Miller and instead of continuing my assault, I jumped to my feet. As I did this, the hatch opened and Octavia frantically started climbing down.

“Jasper, what’s wrong?” I asked worriedly and as his gaze fell on me, he rushed over to my side. I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see that Miller was back on his feet and that he was in the process of reaching up to violently pull Octavia from the ladder. I felt my temper combust inside my chest and I turned on my heel, throwing all of my weight behind the punch that met his face like a bulldozer. Miller collapsed onto the ground unconscious and I shook my hand with a grimace.

“Fuck, Indigo, that was extreme!” Octavia breathed as she viewed me with a hint of amusement and I shrugged back. “Jasper, are you alright?” She asked as she gently placed a comforting hand on him in concern.

“I...I think I’m going crazy.” He spat as he reached out with a desperate grip on her shoulders. “Or the grounders are here, or I’m going crazy!” His voice was frantic and terrified and I raised my brows in surprise. Octavia gently released herself from his grip and she began to lead him to the entrance to the dropship. 

“Okay, just slow down.” She breathed, encouraging him to match her relaxed pace. “Just tell me what you saw.” As they reached the entrance and gained a view of the camp, Jasper seemed to hyperfixate on one point with wide, horrified eyes. I approached them, standing at his other side from Octavia and I watched him closely. 

“Him!” He whispered, his voice trembling as he pointed to an empty spot. Although it was obvious to us that he was pointing at nothing, the conviction in which he stared out and pointed insistently caused me to become concerned.

“Jasper, there’s no one there.” Octavia replied firmly as she tried to take control of the situation. 

“He’s right there!” Jasper yelled wildly back, finally losing control of his panic and I jumped at the sudden change in his demeanor. “We have to run, we have to run, why isn’t anyone doing anything-” He grabbed Octavia and tried to pull her but she dug her heels into the ground in resistance. I grabbed his arm to keep him with us and he stared at me in shock.

“Jasper! Are you on something?” Octavia asked and was unable to keep the annoyance from her tone any longer.

“Stay calm with him Tavi. He might be having a trauma flashback.” I spoke softly and slowly, as Jasper watched me with an expression that showed that he wasn’t really seeing me. He turned back to face Octavia with a slightly calmer manner, but instead I could sense a hint of slurring in his words.

“I love you.” He stated, causing us both to raise our brows in surprise. “And I just want you to know that we’re all gonna die soon, okay? I love you.” He rushed his words but also tried to cram food into his mouth at the same time. Octavia grabbed his hand midway to his mouth and revealed the nuts that he and Monty had offered me earlier. 

“Is this all you’ve eaten today?” She questioned, fixing him with a serious expression as I watched with a feeling of dread as I recognised them.

“It is but who the hell cares now?” He breathed, waving his arms around in a dramatic fashion and I had to stifle a snigger at his out of character behaviour.

“You’re totally bombed.” She sighed, glancing over at me for assistance and I looked back at her with concern as I shook off my amusement.

“Him and Monty offered those to me this morning when they found them.” I clarified as I met her eyes and she looked back at me with relief. “How many other people in camp did they give them to?” I asked, glancing around with a knot in my gut and her eyes widened as she realised the implications.

“I don’t know but we need to find out, fast. For now we need to deal with him before he causes a panic.” Octavia whispered, indicating to Jasper who was now hyperventilating and causing quite a scene. She stepped outside by just a few steps and I had to grip his arm to keep him from following her. She picked up a fallen branch and returned just inside the ship to hand it to him purposefully. “Here buddy, take this.” She breathed and I sensed a hint of sarcasm in her voice despite her best efforts to conceal it.

“It’s a stick?” He questioned as he took it and stared at her in bewilderment.

“No, this is an anti grounder stick.” She argued in a forced tone and I struggled not to snort at her prosperous plan. “So as long as you hold this and you sit right here, grounders won't be able to see you. See?” She spoke softly and encouraged him to take a seat inside the dropship.

“Yeah, that makes sense. I’ll just stay right here.” Jasper nodded, settling into his seat and accepting her lie far easier than I’d anticipated. Octavia looked at me and rolled her eyes, and I had to stifle a giggle. I was sympathetic for Jasper; he’d been through so much since we got here that I thought he was doing incredibly well to still even be functioning.

“I’m gonna do the rounds of camp and just check no one else is freaking out.” I stated as I glanced out at the seemingly calm space anxiously and Octavia nodded in agreement.

“Good idea. You take one side, I’ll take the other and we’ll meet back here.” She answered and I smiled at her responsibility.

I stuck my head into multiple tents and everyone on my side seemed to still be their normal selves. From what I could tell, people were still efficiently working on their duties. After checking most of my side, I decided to find Monty and I hoped that he’d be in a better state than Jasper had gotten himself into. When I entered their tent, I found Monty laid flat out in a pile of sleeping bags and staring up at the ceiling of the tent with a fascinated expression. 

“Hey Monty, are you good in here?” I asked gently as I stepped properly into the space and surveyed him. He turned to face me with a dosy smile and widely dilated eyes. 

“Hey, it’s the pretty girl!” He answered cheerfully and I chuckled under my breath at his strange demeanour.

“So, I’ve just been chatting with Jasper and he was telling me about the nuts you found in the forest this morning.” I approached slowly and sat beside him. I was careful not to startle him after Jasper’s earlier panicky behaviour and worried that I could inadvertently spiral him into a similar state.

“Oh the nuts! Yeah, they’re super good, they’re so tasty, I think they might be the best thing I’ve eaten since I got here.” He raved, smiling widely at me. “You should make sure you get some.” He added and I knew that baiting him would be easier than I had anticipated.

“You know, I really want to try them, they sound amazing. But everyone liked them so much that no one will share with me.” I said coyly, and his face fell into a profoundly sad expression as he considered my words. I struggled not to snigger at his dramatic reactions.

“What?! That’s so greedy! I’ll share with you pretty girl.” He smiled, pulling a small supply of the nuts from his pocket and handing them to me without any resistance. “It’s not much, but those are all I have left.” He admitted and I was warmed by his kindness.

“Thanks Monty, you’re the best.” I replied, forcing a wide smile back at him in an attempt to not be suspicious. The effects of the nuts seemed to be different on Monty, maybe because he hadn’t endured quite as much trauma as Jasper, or maybe he was usually a chilled, happy drunk. I reflected on what he’d been arrested for, and decided I wouldn’t be surprised if the latter was the case. 

“Oh you’re welcome Indie! I’ll always share with you. You’re nice, and cool, and pretty. So pretty. Did you know that? Bellamy doesn’t deserve you.” He rambled quickly in a slurred fashion.I struggled not to laugh now, wrinkling up my nose as I smiled at him. 

“Well it’s a good thing that Bellamy doesn’t have me then, isn’t it.” I replied earnestly as I appreciated his kind words, even if they were caused by blatant intoxication. “You know what Monty, you’ve done so well today gathering these delicious treats that I think you’ve earned a break. Why don’t you take a nap?” I suggested encouragingly as I got to my feet.

“Yeah, a nap sounds great. I love naps.” He smiled as he shuffled himself into a comfortable position and quickly dozed off. I smiled at his peaceful form resting in a self hugging pose before I crept out of the tent. I made my way back to the dropship and found Octavia waiting for me. 

“Hey, just so you know Miller’s back up and being a dick as usual.” She groaned in annoyance and I rolled my eyes. “He went straight back up there to guard Lincoln-I mean the grounder.” She added before dropping her gaze to her feet.

“Please tell me you haven’t named him? He’s not a puppy and no you can’t keep him.” I stated firmly, with only a small hint of playfulness. I hoped for a laugh but instead she stared back at me in an awkward manner.

“No, that’s his name. He told me.” She lowered her voice to a whisper to divulge this information and I froze to the spot in shock. 

“You said he didn’t speak English?” I asked in a hiss as I felt unnerved by this revelation.

“I didn’t think he could, but turns out he can.” She replied casually and I got the impression that she didn’t understand the gravity of this discovery. I stared back at her in horror, as I remembered how much of the conversation between Bellamy and I had been in front of the prisoner. I desperately struggled to think whether I had said anything that could endanger Bellamy if it were to get out and felt my heart hammering as I considered it. 

“Jesus, Octavia, did you tell him anything?” I grilled her with more aggression than intended and she seemed to be confused as she stared back at me.

“No, of course not, he didn’t want to know anything. I just told him I was sorry about what happened.” She explained and I could tell that she was insulted in the way that she spoke. “How was your side of camp anyway? Any more freak outs?” She asked in a crude attempt at changing the topic. I sighed but allowed her to guide me, as the nuts situation was a more pressing issue.

“No, everyone’s pretty normal, except for Monty who’s totally baked. But I took what he has left so at least he’ll start coming down.” I answered in a matter of fact manner. “Your side?” I questioned nervously.

“No weirdness at all, maybe Jasper and Monty just ate too many?” She thought aloud and I shrugged back at her. I was hopeful that she was right, as I couldn’t imagine the chaos we’d be met with if these had made their way around camp. “Raven and Finn haven’t come out of their little love den so they should be fine.” She added with a hint of bitterness and I fixed her with a scrutinising look. 

“Did you check them?” I asked, eying her suspiciously. She avoided my gaze, shifting awkwardly and I sighed deeply in disappointment. I understood why she didn’t want to be around Raven, but I trusted her to be more mature considering the circumstances. “Fine, I’ll deal with Raven. Don’t do anything whilst I’m gone.” I added as I stepped away from her. She cleared her throat and I paused to turn to face her again. “Unless...you already did something?” I asked hesitantly. She looked incredibly guilty now and was barely even facing my direction any longer. “Octavia, what did you do?” I hissed in annoyance. I knew her too well for her act to fool me and I could tell from her face that there was something she was trying to hide.

“Nothing!” She exclaimed defensively. I raised a brow at her and she quickly crumbled. “Nothing undeserved.” She added with a coy smile and I felt my stomach lurch at her wording. “I may have had a part in ensuring that Miller got his rations.” She smiled and I groaned loudly as I understood that she had drugged him with the nuts. “Look, I’m just saying, if the guards were too high to keep an eye on him then it would be easy for him to just _ accidentally _ escape.” She explained her logic and I stared at her in disbelief. 

“I just...what?” I stuttered weakly as I processed her words. “I know I agreed with you that he should never have been brought here, or tortured, and I have absolutely no intention of allowing anyone to execute him, but we can’t seriously be talking about letting him go?! That’s a huge risk Octavia, you don’t know him, what are you going to do if he comes back with an army?” I ranted as I felt the nerves brewing in my stomach. As I was in the middle of glaring at her, I realised that she was looking over my shoulder and I turned to see a commotion growing in the camp. It seemed that the effect of the nuts had simply taken a while to kick in as people were now starting to behave strangely all over the camp. “Shit, we’ve got bigger problems right now, I can’t talk to you about this just yet. I know you have drama with Raven and I get it, but Finn is injured and still very early in his recovery, so I need to make sure he’s not high as a kite and busting open his stitches because you dumped your responsibilities over a grudge. _ Stay here _, and don’t do anything reckless whilst I deal with this, and we’ll talk about it when I get back.” I spoke quickly, allowing my tone to convey my stress before I rushed to Raven and Finn’s tent.

It was a struggle to even make it through the chaos of the camp. I was stopped several times by random people in varying states of confusion and panic. I struggled to part from each of them as I worried over reaching the person who I felt was most vulnerable. When the tent finally came into view, I could hear raised voices from inside. I quickened my pace to deal with the conflict and saw Monty stumbling out of the residence.

“Monty, what are you doing? I thought you were having a nap?” I asked frustratedly as I caught sight of him. I couldn’t believe that the one person I thought I’d dealt with was already back out and causing trouble. He turned to face me with an overly cheesy smile and I scrutinised him with an unimpressed manner. 

“Oh hey Indie! Well I was trying to have a nap but the tides kept interrupting me so I need to find the moon so that I can change the tide.” He explained in a manner that was so articulate that it was almost believable. I stifled a laugh as I assessed that even whilst drunk Monty was trying to solve problems and studying things in his scientific mind. I smiled at him fondly as I formed a plan to get him out of the way without having to scold him. 

“Oh, the moon?” I replied in a fascinated tone. “You know I just saw it heading into your tent, but if you go in there you’ll have to close your eyes so you don’t get blinded by it. So maybe lie down with your eyes closed whilst you talk to it.” I made up whatever I could think of on the spot and waited anxiously to see if Monty believed me. Although he was intoxicated, I doubted that he had become any less intelligent and I worried that he would see through me.

“You’re a genius!” He smiled eagerly and I let out a breath that I didn’t even realise I was holding. He gave me an exaggerated high five before running excitedly in the direction of his tent. Raven stepped out of her tent, pulling on her jacket and looked around. 

“What the hell is going on?” She asked as she surveyed the chaos that surrounded us with confusion.

“Monty and Jasper found some nuts earlier that seem to be hallucinogens. Everyone's losing their shit.” I explained, watching closely for any strange behaviour from her. “Did either of you eat any?” I asked to confirm that she wasn’t going to fool me as the rest of camp had.

“No, thank god.” She breathed, widening her eyes as someone ran past bare chested and waving their shirt in the air like a flag. “I was with Finn so didn’t collect any rations.” She replied, rubbing her head in a stressed manner. “Does the pressure ever stop here?” She groaned as she met my eyes with an exhausted face. I was surprised to find that her tone was the same as it had been before she brutally tortured the grounder and then tried to fight me.

“No, welcome to Earth, the bullshit is constant.” I spoke coldly, no longer able to bond with her as I had over Finn’s unconscious state. I couldn’t pretend that last night hadn’t happened and I didn’t have the time to deal with the aftermath just yet. “Now, we’ve got around 90 dellusional teenagers to keep alive, so we’re gonna need every set of hands we can get.” I requested and Raven sighed deeply, sticking her head back into the tent.

“Scratch that, get out here.” She spoke into the tent before straightening back up. 

“Thank you. If you could start gathering any stragglers at the edge of the camp and bring them back in that would be great. Octavia and I will gather the ones near the dropship.” I instructed and Raven immediately nodded in agreement.

As I approached the dropship I witnessed Octavia creeping back in with supplies bundled in her arms. I broke into a jog to catch her up and I could tell that she hadn’t spotted me nearing her. I cleared my throat just before I fell into step beside her and she jumped in response.

“What are you doing?” I spoke firmly and she turned to face me like a deer caught in headlights. I studied the items that she was carrying and easily identified some clothes and rations. I surveyed her with a mixture of disappointment and disbelief. I’d barely been gone for ten minutes and I couldn’t believe that she’d made such a dramatic decision in that time. “I said we’d talk about this. Are you really sneaking around to do this behind my back?” I asked with a hurt tone as I met her eyes. For a moment, she looked genuinely remorseful, but she quickly flipped to defensive behaviour. 

“Oh right, of course.” She breathed, squinting at me with annoyance. “You say we’ll talk about it and you expect me to just sit and wait whilst our best chance of getting him out of here is passing us by?! We’re not going to have a better opportunity than this, ever!” She spat and I was surprised to find her pressuring me at such an impossible time.

“Yes, it’s our best chance to free him, but how do we know that freeing him is the right thing?” I asked and she rolled her eyes. I dropped to a scolding tone to try encourage her to realise the seriousness of the conversation and I felt more like I was parenting a bratty child than discussing something with my best friend. “It’s a _ risk _ Octavia, what will we do if he comes back with an army of grounders? Will you still feel so justified in your decision when they are killing us in front of you?” I pressed back, in an effort to make her understand the gravity of the decision we needed to make.

“That’s not going to happen! He saved my life!” She argued and I half expected her to stomp her feet as she spoke in an indignant tone.

“Don’t be fucking naive! You don’t _ know _ him!” I yelled back as I lost my temper with her ridiculous behaviour. “He may have saved you, but then he chained you to a wall like a fucking pet.” I jabbed and I saw the flicker of offence crossing her face.

“If I’m wrong and he has an army of grounders, they are going to come looking for him! If we let him go, maybe he’ll show us mercy in return.” She suggested and I scoffed at her. “You need to ask yourself this: when Bellamy comes back and we have to make a decision about what to do, how are you going to feel watching him get executed, knowing that you could have saved his life?” She reasoned and I paced around in an attempt to manage the stress that she was piling on me. I knew that we had little time to make a decision one way or another, but I couldn’t judge which option was the most sensible. After all of my time preaching about survival skills and being tactical, I didn't know the answer. “Indigo, sometimes you have to take a chance and have faith in people. I have faith in Lincoln, I can feel in my gut that this is the right thing to do. Now I’m just asking you to trust me.” I stared at her in uncertainty, and my recent words to Bellamy repeated in my mind, much to my frustration. If there was one thing I never wanted to be, it was a hypocrite.

“Fine, fine!” I spat as I snapped under the stress. “But this is on you, this is your choice. Don’t make me regret this!” I added as I jabbed a finger at her and she nodded back thankfully. “You get him out, I’ll keep the few sober people distracted.” I instructed as I tried to form a plan within the limited time constraints. “Come and find me when he’s gone.” I sighed, furious at her for putting me in this position. 


	18. Gᴜɴsʜᴏᴛs Iɴ Tʜᴇ Dᴀʀᴋɴᴇss

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Dᴀʏ Tʀɪᴘ

I hurried as I travelled back to Raven and Finn, who were gathering a small group at the far end of the camp. The light was fading rapidly from the sky, so I occupied myself with building a fire that I could settle people around to keep them warm. Raven approached me with confusion. 

“What are you doing back here? I thought you two were dealing with the ship side?” She asked and my stomach lurched as I realised that my lies were starting to clash. I mentally cursed Octavia for cornering me into this and tried to think of a believable answer.

“There was hardly anyone left over there so I bought them over this way, I thought it would make sense to keep everyone together.” I commented, using some honesty to buy myself time. I had checked that there was no one near the dropship before returning, so I was confident in sharing this information. “Octavia’s staying there a little longer to double check there’s no leftovers.” I surprised myself at how easily I lied and I continued with my task to ensure that my words seemed casual and authentic. “Okay, the fire’s going, it’s getting darker so it’ll get real cold soon. Could you send anyone who is calm enough over this way and I’ll start wrapping them up. We also need to get water, we might as well try flushing it out of people. The sooner we can get this out of their system, the better.” I instructed as I tried to both change the subject from Octavia’s whereabouts and consider the needs of the camp simultaneously.

“Yes ma’am.” Raven replied willingly and I was surprised not to find any sarcasm in her tone. It was unusual for me to take control of a situation but as our normal leaders were off jaunting in the woods, I didn’t have much choice but to step up. My stomach lurched as Bellamy’s strange behaviour earlier flitted through my mind and I had to force it out so that I could concentrate on the situation in front of me. Finn slowly made his way over with several containers of water and I smiled at him as I took them gratefully. 

“Thanks. Are you sure you should be up and about just yet, Mr Big Hero?” I asked as I assessed him with concern. He seemed to be moving fine but I was uncomfortable allowing him to be so active without Clarke here to clear him for action. He smiled bashfully at the name. 

“I think I’m ready to manage a little babysitting.” He chuckled under his breath. “Raven said that you helped a lot with the surgery and all that. Thanks for keeping her calm, I know it can’t have been an easy task.” He spoke evenly and his tone was genuinely thankful. I cleared my throat awkwardly and decided not to mention that we likely wouldn’t be sharing a moment like that again for a while.

“You’re welcome, we’ve gotta keep our numbers up.” I replied as an excuse and he laughed. “Besides, I hardly did anything. Raven and Clarke were the real MVPs.” I replied gingerly, rubbing the back of my neck and hoped to scare off his kindness.

“I don’t know, I heard some pretty tough radio talk, even through my coma.” He laughed playfully as he peeked at me. “I think you might have missed your calling on the Ark, communications could have made great use of you.” He winked and I laughed in response to his assumption. “I’ll get you some blankets.” He stated as he shuffled away.

Soon people started to arrive following Raven’s directions and I wrapped them up in the makeshift blankets that Finn delivered and settled them around the fire with some water. It wasn’t long before I had my hands full with a confused group to babysit and Finn and Raven took up positions nearby to help keep an eye on the more active members. I no longer had to focus on distracting anyone, as the wanderers kept us plenty busy. It had gotten properly dark by the time Octavia sauntered over to the fire and I was growing restless as I considered that Bellamy and Clarke still hadn’t returned. Octavia nodded subtly from the edge of view, acknowledging a job completed. She then casually approached as Raven and Finn watched and I had to quickly remind myself of the narrative that I’d spun. 

“Hey Tavi, no stragglers left on your side of camp?” I asked, trying my best to seem casual as I hoped she would understand what I was doing and not accidentally reveal my lies.

“No movement that way, and I just dropped Jasper at his tent to join Monty for a nap. He’s finally stopped screaming about grounders so I think we’ve got a rough time scale for when it wears off now.” She laughed as she made her way over to sit beside me, and I was impressed at how naturally she caught on to the situation. I was also pleased to hear that the boys were safe and sighed in relief.

“Any sign of Clarke or Bellamy over there?” I asked with genuine concern as my mind returned to their absence. Octavia shook her head and I only grew more unsettled. “Okay, do you think you can take over here? They’re mostly all chilled by now but it sounds like effects should be wearing off soon anyway.” I asked as I got to my feet but she grabbed my arm and glimpsed up at me in concern.

“Of course, but where are you going?” She asked, checking me closely.

“I need to look for our missing leaders.” I smiled gently in the hope that she wouldn’t cause a scene but to my disappointment she glared back. I didn’t want to draw any attention to the fact that I was leaving and sat back down before anyone could notice that we were behaving strangely.

“No, absolutely not, you can’t go alone.” She spoke adamantly as she studied me and I sighed deeply. I didn’t have patience left to argue with her today and wished that for once she wouldn’t make things difficult.

“We don’t have the manpower to launch a full search party right now Tavi. I don’t even know where they went, so it’s not like I can go far. I’m just going to do a small venture in their direction and hopefully I’ll bump into them on their way back. If I don’t come back quickly enough, you’ll have more people back to normal to send a rescue group.” I smiled gently and she frowned back at me with an unconvinced face. “Come on, your brother’s out there and he could be hurt.I need to see what’s going on.” I reasoned as I gazed at her but she continued to frown at me. She sighed as she reluctantly let go of my hand. 

“Fine, don’t take too long, or I’ll send the whole camp.” She threatened and I didn’t doubt her seriousness for a moment. I got to my feet and I crept out quietly so as not to draw attention. I gathered some limited supplies and snuck into the woods.

I wandered aimlessly in the direction that I had seen them leave in and within no time struggled to tell where I was in the darkness. I tried to look for any signs of them, but it was much harder to track than Finn made it look when he led the group. I couldn’t ignore the building anxiety in my gut the further I went and kicked myself for believing that I would simply bump into them out here. I stopped walking and stared out into the dense gloom that surrounded me from all angles. I considered turning back, but I was haunted with horrendous images of the things that could have happened to them out here if they’d taken the nuts with them. I hesitated, frozen to the spot as I deliberated with myself. With no better ideas, I called out into the trees. 

“Bellamy! Clarke!” I shouted into the shadows and waited nervously for a few moments, but nothing changed. I couldn’t think of anything else to do and I knew that if I got lost out here there would be a frantic search party sent by Octavia. I was about to turn back towards camp when a gunshot rang out in the distance. I didn’t waste a second in reacting to it as I took off in the direction of the sound. My feet pounded in the mud at the same pace that my mind obsessed over the million awful scenarios that could surround the gunshot. I strained to keep my focus in the moment as I rushed blindly into whatever danger awaited me. Just as I started to worry that I may have lost the trail, two more gunshots carried between the trees and I followed them with a terror gripping my chest. My heart raced wildly and I panted in a mixture of exhaustion and fear.

“Get the hell off of him!” I recognised Clarke’s panicked voice immediately and forced myself into a manic sprint. As I drew closer, I could hear the sounds of a struggle and I prayed that they were safe. Moments later I fell into a clearing and I could barely comprehend what I was seeing. There was a dead body of someone I didn’t recognise sprawled out in the middle of the clearing, and leaning against opposite trees facing each other were Clarke and Bellamy. Bellamy was screaming wildly and clawing at the air around him, whilst Clarke yelled over in his direction with desperation. As she was closer and seemed to be more lucid, I dropped down to her side first.

“Hey! Clarke, you’re okay, look at me.” I spoke firmly, taking her face in my hands and forcing her to meet my eyes. Her face felt warm in my hands, but she seemed to be past the point of fever and from what I could tell, she was able to concentrate on me. “You’re alright, what you’re seeing and feeling is just the effects of the nuts we found earlier, they’re causing everyone at camp to trip bollocks. Here.” I handed her a bottle of water from my belt after removing the cap to make it easier for her. “Start on this, you need to rehydrate all that fluid you’ve sweated out with your fever and we want to try flushing this out of your system as soon as possible.” I spoke firmly but slowly, ensuring that she was absorbing the information and she nodded in acknowledgment. Bellamy was getting louder behind me and I could hear that he had started to hyperventilate. “You just sit there and keep drinking, stay calm and let me know if you start seeing anything weird. I have to deal with him.” I explained quickly, watching her reaction to check that she would be okay alone.

“I’m okay, I can help.” She whispered in a hoarse voice as she tried to lift herself from the ground and I firmly pushed her back into a seated position.

“Clarke, the best thing you can do for me right now is to sit there and get sober so I can concentrate on Bellamy. Can you do that for me, please?” I stayed in her eyeline and waited for her to nod reluctantly. As soon as she did, I turned on the spot and began to approach Bellamy. He was screaming out gibberish between jagged breaths, and he repeatedly appeared to lash out at thin air. He didn’t seem to notice my presence at all, as if he were seeing straight through me. “God, he’s having a really bad trip, almost everyone else at camp is just having pleasant hallucinations.” I commented, as I slowly tried to enter his space and moved carefully in an effort not to startle him. “Has he been like this for long?” I called back to Clarke in question as I kept my eyes fixed on him. I reached out to touch him as gently as I could, but he immediately flinched away from me. Although our contact was brief, I was able to feel the scolding heat that poured off his skin and I could see the sheen on his face that indicated he was still running an extreme fever. 

“Hours, I can’t get through to him, it’s like he can’t even see me.” Clarke explained quietly between deep, steadying breaths. “He was lucid for a little while when we were fighting Dax, but straight after he went back into panic. This is the worst I’ve seen him yet.” She confirmed and I sighed regretfully as I processed this information. As I got closer, I could make out the obvious signs of a struggle, as there was hardly any part of his face that wasn’t swollen or blood smeared and I was saddened to see him in such a state again. 

“What have you tried already?” I asked, watching closely as he attempted to defend himself against whatever attack he was experiencing in his mind.

“I’ve yelled at him, shook him, I even tried slapping him to shock him out of it.” Clarke breathed, sounding remorseful about this choice. I sighed thoughtfully as I studied him and his jagged movements caused him to hit himself. He didn’t even seem to notice the impact as he was so lost in the visions and inspected him sympathetically. “He’s going to have a heart attack if he doesn’t calm down, hours is a long time for the human body to deal with that level of panic.” Clarke added poignantly and I wrecked my brain for a way to reach him.

“He’s too deep in the hallucinations, he might be too overstimulated already to react to shock.” I muttered, pacing around as I considered any other possible options. I didn’t have enough knowledge of drug use to know what would usually be recommended and I wished that I’d learned more useful skills before we were sent to Earth. 

As I observed his movements, he reminded me of Octavia as he began to scratch at his arms. During the beginning of our friendship in the Skybox, Octavia would have frequent panic attacks about returning to her cell. All of her years of hiding from the guards in her mother's quarters had left her with a residual fear of being contained. It took a while for us to find coping mechanisms to help her manage this fear and in the meantime, I had to learn how to calm her during an outburst. When I looked at Bellamy, despite their many differences, I noticed some similar behaviours in their panic and I began to wonder if the same method would work on him.

He was hyperventilating hysterically now and his lips were turning blue, a telltale sign of lack of oxygen that I remembered from Octavia. With little time left to hesitate, I approached him and fell into his space. I crouched over him, placing my knees either side of his thighs and pulled him into my arms. At first he fought me and only seemed to be more panicked by the sudden contact. It was substantially harder to contain him than it ever was with Octavia and I didn’t allow myself any time to doubt, as I knew I had no other ideas. I pulled him in tighter as I remembered that Octavia would continue to lash out with her arms until I stopped her and so I pulled his arms down to his sides and embraced him around them. I held him tightly in place, allowing him to feel the pressure around him and tried to speak gently in his ear. 

“It’s okay, you’re safe. What you’re seeing isn’t real, it’s not real Bellamy, you’re safe, shh.” I whispered gently as I felt his arms finally calming and after a few moments I dared to risk releasing them. They flopped loosely to his side and he didn’t attempt to hit anything again, much to my relief. Instead, he continued to tremble in my embrace and I slowly moved a hand to his neck to feel his pulse. It was hammering so fast that it was hard to even count and the heat that poured off him made me sweat. He was no longer shouting, but he continued to hyperventilate and I knew that we were still in a risky situation.

“You’re safe Bellamy, it’s okay, the threat isn’t real.” I spoke in a slow, calming manner as I held him to me, hoping to draw his attention to me over whatever horrors were happening in his mind. “If you can hear my voice, I need you to concentrate on it. Don’t listen to anyone else, listen to me.” I asserted and I felt his breathing hitch. I took this break in gasps as a sign that he was listening to me. “That’s it, you’re safe. Everything is okay, you’re just hallucinating. You ate some bad food and it’s messing with your head. I promise, what you’re seeing isn’t real.” I explained gently as I waited for him to calm. I moved my hand slowly to feel his pulse again and I noticed that it was finally starting to slow down. I let out a small sigh of relief and gripped him to me again. I cradled his head with one hand, tenderly stroking his hair in a soothing manner as I continued to talk to him. 

“That’s it, you’re doing well. Try to slow your breathing down for me. You’re safe. Raven and Finn are taking care of everyone back at camp and Octavia didn’t eat it, so she’s safe with them. Everything’s okay.” I spoke slowly as I tried to clear any concerns that may be bothering him and felt that his breathing was finally starting to become more regular. He didn’t seem to be any more lucid yet unfortunately, so I decided to try implementing some of the methods that I’d learned to refocus Octavia when she was lost to panic. “Listen to my voice, I want you to really focus on it. Good. Now, focus on the other things you can feel in your body. The cool, wet ground beneath you, the cool crisp air on your skin. Listen to my breathing, the wind in the trees. Can you feel my arms around you, my hand in your hair, my breathing near your ear? I need you to focus on those things around you Bellamy, what you really see, hear, smell, taste, feel. Pick them out in your mind. You’re safe, come back to us.” I have clear instruction and prayed that it would be enough to bring him out of his mind. As I finished guiding him through the technique, he finally spoke in a small, exhausted voice. 

“I-Indigo?” He asked with such deep uncertainty that my heart broke for him. I finally released him from my grip, leaning back into his lap to view his tear streaked face. 

“Hey you.” I smiled warmly and he stared back at me in wide eyed confusion. “Here, drink some water, you’re dehydrated and I need you to start flushing this crap out of your system.” I handed the open bottle to him and he took it from me with shaking hands, sipping from it delicately. “You just sit still and drink that okay? I’m just gonna go check on Clarke, I’ll be right there and then I’ll come straight back to you.” I explained quickly. 

I moved before my heart strings could stop me and rushed back to Clarke’s side. She looked much calmer now and I checked to find that she had drunk almost the whole bottle of water that I’d left her with. I held my hand to her forehead and felt that she was almost back to a normal temperature. As a last precaution, I took the flashlight from my belt and gently flashed it at one eye at a time, confirming that she was back to normal dilation. 

“Okay, you’re good. You can start gathering stuff to go back to camp. I’m gonna check on Bellamy and once he’s ready, we’ll move.” I ordered. Clarke nodded and started to get to her feet. I turned back to Bellamy, who was staring wide eyed at the body and was slowly losing control of his breathing again. I rushed back over and sat beside him on the opposite side from the body. I gently took his face in my hands and guided him to look at me. “Hey, no, don’t look at that, look at me. I need you to stay calm, it’s gonna take a little while for this stuff to fully work itself out of your body, so you can’t get too panicky or you’ll start tripping again. Stay focused on me and take some deep breaths. Alright, good. See, surely I can’t be that scary?” I smiled gently and felt a twinge of worry when he didn’t even flinch toward a smile back. It was unusual for him not to respond to humour, even in the most stressful situations. “You’re okay.” I breathed as I regarded him with sympathy. 

“No, I’m not.” He whispered with fresh tears rolling down his cheeks as he panted for breath. “My mother...if she knew what I’ve done, who I am-” He choked up momentarily with emotion, the pain of the time here crashing down on him all at once. “She raised me to be good. And all I do is hurt people.” He paused to sniff as his desperate eyes met mine. “I’m a monster.” He spat with a devastating conviction. 

“No Bellamy, that’s not true!” I gasped as I wiped his tears away and gazed at his broken expression with an aching heart. “Your mother raised you the best she could, as all parents on the Ark struggle to do in that stifling environment. But she also crushed you under the weight of the responsibility that you were far too young to bear. You have done _ everything _ in your power to keep Octavia safe and I _ know _ that she would be proud of you for that. None of us ever expected to be here in this situation, and I’m sure if she could see you now, she wouldn’t see a monster. She’d see a survivor, she’d see the man who made the difficult choices to keep us alive. We wouldn’t have made it this far without you. We need you Bellamy.” I spoke earnestly and even surprised myself at my own honesty. Bellamy scoffed and looked away from me. My stomach churned as I processed the self loathing of his words and I was compelled to guide him into a more beneficial thought process. “I know my words don’t take away the guilt and the pain you’re feeling. I can’t even begin to imagine what you feel, with everything that is on your shoulders. But it’s time to stop waiting for forgiveness for your mistakes and start facing them.” He looked back at me with fear in his eyes and I sighed. “And you know what, you may not want to hear this, but it’s time for you to forgive _ yourself _. You are only one person thrown into a situation that is impossible to have prepared for. You made mistakes, yes. Shockingly you’re not perfect. But it’s time to stop beating yourself up over them and start acknowledging them. Take responsibility and face up to the consequences. You can’t run forever Bellamy.” I finished gently as I gazed into his eyes and he sighed, watching me with a terrified expression. 

“How do I do that?” He asked in a small shaky voice and I smiled at him with gentle encouragement. 

“One step at a time, but you’re not going to be doing it alone. I’ve got your back.” I asserted as I reached out to squeeze his hand.

“Jaha will kill me when he comes down.” He breathed and my stomach lurched at the mention of the Chancellor. I hadn’t even considered yet that he would be one of the people to come down and I felt a fire burning inside of me at the thought. 

“I won’t let that happen.” I growled with more fury than intended and he finally showed a hint of a smile at my veracity. “How much does Clarke know?” I whispered as I leaned into him inquisitively. 

“Everything.” He sighed and I raised my brows in surprise. I guessed it was hard to keep secrets when you have crazy hallucinogens in your system and tried to be understanding about him involving her in his crisis. 

“Okay, in that case, we’ll work it out on the way back to camp. Come on, up you get.” I helped him to his feet with difficulty as Clarke carefully approached us. “Let’s get back to camp, people are going to be getting worried.” I suggested as I supported Bellamy to find his balance weakly. 

“We have to go back to the building we found first, there’s supplies to collect. We can’t afford to risk anyone else finding them first.” Clarke stated firmly and I stared at her in surprise. I couldn’t imagine how we were going to transport them with them in such a weakened state but I reluctantly agreed so that I could get them moving. 

We walked slowly as we wandered in a tight formation back to their discovery. I reluctantly assisted in packing up the supplies they’d found, which mostly consisted of copious amounts of guns and we spread the weight between us as we started on our return to camp. Bellamy was unusually quiet during the walk and I noticed that he kept glancing back over his shoulder fearfully. I wanted to believe it was due to the paranoia of his earlier visions, but I’d been considering his strange behaviour this morning alongside some information I’d gathered since seeing him again and I had a suspicion that I knew what was really going on with him. Now that he was calmer, I couldn’t hold in my thoughts any longer and turned to look at him with impatience. 

“You weren’t planning on coming back to camp, were you?” I asked quietly to keep Clarke from hearing our conversation. His eyes shot to me in surprise and as he realised that I was awaiting an answer, he looked away in avoidance. I scoffed in response to his unintentional confirmation of my theory. “I knew something was wrong when you left. Were you even going to say goodbye?” As the question left my lips, I heard the hurt in my tone and inwardly kicked myself for allowing that to show. Bellamy stared at the ground with a guilty expression, his head hung low in a silent answer. “Did you really think you could just hide out in the woods? You must’ve known that I’d look for you?” I quizzed him before quickly stumbling over my words as I realised exactly what I’d said. “Among others of course.” I added hurriedly. 

“I didn’t think about it in any detail, Indigo. All I knew was that Jaha was making plans to come down here and if I stayed in camp I was a sitting duck.” He mumbled in a poor attempt at an explanation and I sighed deeply at him. I could tell that this fear of inescapable punishment was still messing with him as we marched back in the direction of camp. 

“Hey Clarke?” I called out to her as she walked with purpose just ahead of us and she slowed to meet my side. “You know all about this mess now, have you got any bright ideas for keeping Bellamy alive _ and _ in camp?” I asked as I shot an accusing glare at him for trying to abandon us, implying that I could tell that he was still considering running at this very moment. “Jaha isn’t known for his mercy and if he tries to punish Bellamy the way he would on the Ark...well, there’s gonna be more than one life lost, that’s for sure.” I spoke honestly as I imagined the guards trying to take him for execution and I couldn’t even account for the damage I’d be willing to do to stop it. She stared up at the sky thoughtfully for a while as we trudged through the forest. 

“I’ve known the Chancellor most of my life. I don’t approve of most of what he does, but he’s actually a much more reasonable man than most of the Ark realises.” She spoke in a distracted voice as she explained and I scoffed at her words. 

“Yeah, cuz the death penalty for any and all crime is totally reasonable.” I spat and she squinted at me in a defensive manner. “I’m sorry, I know you’re not the enemy. What was your point?” I spoke sheepishly following my unintentional attack. 

“Jaha is always willing to discuss terms, trades and compromises. I know him well enough to know how to convince him. I could help you talk to him.” She flashed Bellamy a hopeful smile but he only responded with confusion.

“What could we possibly trade him for? I can’t imagine we have anything he would want in this paradise.” He asked with a bitter tone as his exhausted face revealed his doubt.

“Information; you offer to tell him who asked you to shoot him, but only in exchange for a pardon.” Clarke sounded genuinely enthused with her idea and I felt a small shred of hope blossoming in my chest. Bellamy stared at her in surprise, and I joined him, before breaking into a wicked smile. 

“You know what, that could actually work. You’re secretly sly Clarke! I’ll have to watch you in future.” I chuckled as I was hit with a feeling of genuine relief. I turned back to face Bellamy. “What do you think Bellamy? Are you ready to deal with this?” I asked as I watched him closely, hoping with everything in me that he wouldn't turn and run. He finally broke into a smile and my heart fluttered at the sight. 

“Let’s do it. Nothing else left to try.” He answered and I breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

The remaining walk to camp felt easier and I was more relaxed than I had been in days. I knew that this was still a gamble, but I trusted Clarke’s judgement and her history with Jaha to pull this off. As we approached the edge of the fencing I split off from them, allowing them to make their grand, victorious entrance without my interference. Instead, I went to find Jasper who was finally back to his normal self and happily sleeping. Monty was also sitting in the tent and when I entered he shifted awkwardly.

“Hey, if it isn’t my two favourite troublemakers.” I chanted with a smile as I sat beside him. “Are you guys feeling okay?” I asked with a hint of concern as I looked between them. 

“I’m fine. Jasper was feeling pretty exhausted, but it sounds like he spent a lot of his day panicking, so I don’t really blame him.” He explained as he watched Jasper with care. He cleared his throat and avoided looking back at me as he spoke again. “I’m really sorry if I came across as weird earlier, I tend to say some pretty wild stuff when I’m...you know.” He spoke in a small voice and fidgeted his hands awkwardly. I struggled to stifle a giggle as I remembered the numerous compliments he’d given me during the day and instead I focused on trying to ease his entirely unnecessary embarrassment. 

“You think you were wild? Did Jasper remember telling Octavia he loved her yet?” I asked playfully and Monty snorted in laughter. “Twice!” I crumbled into giggles at the memory and was glad to be able to share some humour after such a difficult day. “Seriously, we’re good, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re both okay. I’m gonna find Octavia and I’ll leave you to comfort your friend here. I get the feeling his ego’s going to be a little bruised when he wakes up.” I winked, before heading back to the main activity of camp. 

I glanced around to seek out Octavia and I had already begun to approach her when I noticed Bellamy hovering awkwardly nearby, observing her with a beaten puppy expression. He hadn’t noticed my presence, so I quickly stepped to the side to remain out of his line of sight. I watched as he gingerly wrapped a blanket around her and she glanced back at him in annoyance. I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened between them in the last few days, but I had the impression that some hurtful words had been exchanged. I hoped that they could find a way to trust each other, but I knew that it would take time for this to build. I was too far from them to hear what was said, but I could tell from Bellamy’s body language that he was trying his best with her and I smiled at the sight.

“Bellamy!” Clarke called as she emerged from the tent where the communications with the Ark were stored. Unfortunately this was right beside the spot I was hiding in plain sight. Inwardly, I cursed her for interrupting their bonding moment until she spoke again. “It’s time.” She said with a significant tone and I glimpsed over in shock. I didn’t expect them to launch into their plan so quickly, I hadn’t had a chance to even discuss it with Bellamy yet. I made the quick decision to not involve myself in the situation. If he felt ready to do this now, then I was glad that they were immediately getting it out of the way before he could change his mind. He didn't notice me as he turned from Octavia and took a few steps toward the tent and I considered backing away. He suddenly stopped mid way and turned back to face her. 

“The grounder escaping, was that you?” He spoke with an accusing manner and my blood felt like it turned to pure ice at his question. Octavia didn’t even turn around, keeping her back to him and I found myself thanking every star that he wasn’t facing me as I tried to force myself to behave normally. I knew that he wouldn’t approve of my part in it and after how close we’d grown tonight, I was terrified of disrupting this hard earned peace. I genuinely couldn’t tell any longer if he’d be angry or if he would allow me the time to explain. I felt myself spiralling into panic as I awaited her response.

“I had nothing to do with it.” She replied coolly and my heart skipped a beat. I didn’t know how to feel about her involving me in her lie and I despised that I’d found myself caught between her and Bellamy. I forced the feeling to the back of my mind to deal with later as Bellamy sighed and continued toward the tent. I startled as he finally noticed me and I considered simply walking away, but his vulnerable eyes drew me toward him. I walked to him as if in a trance and simply put a hand on his forearm. I steeled myself as I stared up into his eyes with a confident smile. 

“You're going to be fine.” I spoke with an assertive sense of belief and he smiled nervously in return. “I’ll see you on the other side as a free man.” I breathed, releasing him to enter the tent. I tried desperately to force myself to leave, to trust them to manage the situation and fill me in after. I couldn’t help the slideshow in my mind of all the times things had gone wrong and Bellamy had run off, and I couldn’t bring myself to leave the edge of the tent. I waited right outside, straining to hear what was said.

“Mr Blake, I’ve wanted to talk to you for some time now.” The chancellor's voice was clear and assertive and it sent chills down my spine.

“Before you do, I’d like to say something. When you sent us down here you sent us to die, but miraculously, most of us are still alive. In large part, that is because of him, because of Bellamy.” Clarke’s voice was calm, but her words made it clear that trusting her was the correct choice here. She knew exactly how to present her case. “He’s one of us, and he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes just like the rest of us.” She asserted and I couldn’t help but to be impressed by her.

I felt like I could barely breathe as I waited for the Chancellor’s response. Although I knew that this was the best chance for Bellamy, I was also terrified that this was the moment I would find out that there was no hope for him here; I wrestled my anxiety at even the thought of it.

“Clarke, I appreciate your point of view, but it’s not that simple.” The chancellor replied and I felt like I might heave at any moment. I reminded myself that they hadn’t thrown in their trade yet, it wasn’t over.

“It is if you want to know who on the Ark wants you dead.” Bellamy spoke assertively and I felt my heart swell with pride. I waited for what felt like an eternity for a response and couldn’t even move a single muscle in my body.

“Bellamy Blake, you’re pardoned for your crimes.” The Chancellor’s answer was firm and decisive, and I felt myself gasp out for air. I dropped to a crouch, just catching myself before I hit the ground and held my head in my hands. I felt tears freely roam down my cheeks and the relief poured over me in an overwhelming wave. I forced myself to a standing position so that I could rush to the tent to compose myself.


	19. Uɴɪᴛʏ Dᴀʏ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Uɴɪᴛʏ Dᴀʏ

I stalked into the tent and dropped onto my bed, unable to stop the tears from coming now that I’d opened the floodgates. I cradled myself and cried as I allowed myself the time to release the feelings whilst I was alone. Just as I was feeling relieved that Octavia wasn’t in the tent, the entrance opened and she stepped in.

“Indie!” What’s wrong?!” She gasped as she rushed to my side and squeezed me into her grasp.

“It’s nothing, it’s just been a hell of a day.” I muttered as I wiped at my face and tried to stop the flow of tears. I tried to downplay the stress that I felt but my body refused to comply.

“It doesn’t look like it’s nothing.” She acknowledged as she rubbed my arms soothingly. “Come on, you’re always there for me, let me return the favour.” She remarked as she surveyed my miserable expression and I felt my lip wobble. I stayed in her arms and cried without saying anything for a while. I conceded to allow her to comfort me and she sat in silence at my side. Once I finally started to feel calm, I dried my face and looked over to her with a tired stare. 

“It’s just been a _ lot _ since we got here.” I sighed in the hope that she would allow me to leave it at that, but she studied me closely.

“Yeah, you can say that again. Maybe it’s time to practice what you preach and stop trying to be so tough all the time.” She scoffed, before softening her tone and squeezing my hand reassuringly. I tried to hold in the words that fought to escape me and once I met her sympathetic eyes, I knew it was useless. 

“It would help if you and your brother weren’t the most stress inducing creatures known to man.” I groaned openly and I genuinely meant every word. “When I first entered the Skybox, I couldn’t imagine ever having someone to care about again. Now I’m here and I have you, Bellamy, Monty, Jasper, I care about all of you and it’s so _ stressful _. Then you add the rest of camp and I don’t know any of them that well, but I am just desperate to not lose anyone else.” I rambled. “I’m starting to think it was easier to not care.” I mumbled as I felt her assessing eyes on me. I felt genuinely exhausted from all of the worry and I wasn’t sure if I could carry much more of it.

“You include Bellamy pretty high on that list?” She smiled coyly and even though it was genuine, I couldn’t help but feel that she was still trying to suggest something.

“God, yes! I care about Bellamy.” I breathed, unable to avoid her infuriating questions through my exhaustion. “You want me to say it so bad? I'll say it! I _ care _. He’s an exhausting, unpredictable idiot but he isn’t a bad person. He makes bad choices, absolutely. But since I’ve been here, I’ve seen that he is capable of deep kindness and compassion, and that he really does care about people so deeply that he has to constantly focus on acting like he doesn’t. And I understand that better than I’d ever like to admit.” I spat, allowing my annoyance at her prying to come to a head. “I want to help him make better decisions and it is the most thoroughly frustrating, mind fucking experience of my life.” I confessed in a more spiteful tone than I’d intended. Octavia laughed in response and I looked at her in surprise. 

“Yeah, you’ve got him sussed completely.” She smiled with a refreshing attitude and peeked at me in understanding. “I’m glad he’s got you to talk to. He doesn’t deserve it, but I’m glad.” She added with a hint of bitterness. I did want to find out what had happened between them but I was too overwhelmed to pry into that right now. I sighed and looked at her in exhaustion. 

“You lied to him earlier. Why?” I relayed what I had witnessed with a feeling of dread in my stomach. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep as long as this played on my mind and I really did need to sleep.

“What choice did I have? Tell him I did it?” She looked at me in bewilderment and I shrugged in response. It was a struggle to think of something to say that could guide her to reflect on her decision in my current state. I rubbed my eyes and groaned at her with annoyance. 

“You need to talk. I’m sick of carrying both of your secrets and being stuck between you all the time. You’re a family, trust each other.” I spoke as if it were the most obvious answer and she glowered at me in response. “I don’t care how you do it, but you need to tell him. And he needs to tell you everything too. You can’t just keep hiding things from each other forever. Put your grudges aside and clear the air, for my sake.” I pleaded, before fidgeting in a way that indicated that I wanted to go to sleep.

“I promise I’ll think about it.” She breathed and I decided that this was good enough for tonight.

***

I woke the next day feeling fresh from practically passing out in exhaustion the night before. I sat up to see that Octavia was gone, but I didn’t panic as she’d been doing that a lot lately. I decided to take my own advice and trust her, as I knew that I couldn’t continue living with the level of stress that I had been since we arrived. I took my time to get dressed, clean myself up and brush my hair as best I could. 

I emerged from the tent to find that it was almost midday and surprised myself at how long I’d managed to sleep. I collected some rations and settled in a quiet spot to eat. I watched the others milling around camp and I was relieved to see that there didn't seem to be anything particularly going on. It made a pleasant change to the chaos that had been almost constant lately and I absorbed the quiet atmosphere gratefully.

“Hey, I missed you last night.” Bellamy appeared from behind with a fond smile and sat beside me comfortably. “I can’t even believe I’m saying it, but the plan worked. The Chancellor pardoned me.” He announced quietly as he kept his view trained to me. Everything about his demeanour had changed and he seemed more relaxed than I’d ever seen him.

“Oh so I’m talking to the newly pardoned Bellamy Blake?” I asked in a dramatic tone and he chuckled back in an easy manner. “How does it feel?” I enquired with a hopeful interest.

“Surreal.” He answered as he gazed thoughtfully out into the camp. “But good, like a weight has been lifted.” He confirmed and I smiled earnestly at him, watching his calm expression. 

I could feel the relaxation in his body and it seemed as if it was washing over me too. I couldn’t tell if it was simply because being around someone calm helps to put others at ease, or if it were actually seeing him look so much happier that relieved my stress. We sat in a comfortable silence, enjoying each other's presence before Bellamy noticed movement and seemed to suddenly remember why he approached me.

“You missed the gun training groups this morning.” He clocked me casually and I felt myself involuntarily straighten up at his words.

“That’s fine, I don't want a gun so I don't need the training.” I declared without facing him. I tried to still sound relaxed, but even the very mention of guns had caused tension in me. He made a quizzical expression and raised a brow at me as I tried to pretend that I didn’t notice.

“You need to have a gun Indie, just in case. I think there’s some more sessions this afternoon so I’ll let you know.” He explained in a matter of fact tone. I smiled at his easy use of the nickname, noticing a slight fondness in his voice as he said it, but I couldn’t focus on that now.

“I’m not going to class Bellamy, I don’t want a gun.” I repeated firmly and I could feel myself becoming guarded against him. I didn’t want to be shirty with him but I was unimpressed that he was pushing the matter. He sighed at my reaction and adjusted his voice to speak gently. 

“Are you afraid of guns?” He investigated as I found myself enthralled by something in the distance that just happened to be in the other direction from him. 

“No.” I defended as I tried to convince myself as much as him. I didn’t like the idea of admitting that I was afraid of anything, especially something that would paint me as foolish. “I’m just more of a hand to hand kind of girl, I’m perfectly fine with my dagger.” I remarked in a poor excuse as I shifted uncomfortably. I slid myself slightly further from him and he clearly noticed it.

“Daggers aren’t always going to do it though. Wouldn’t it be better to be able to keep people from getting close enough to keep giving you black eyes?” He argued, brushing a hand on my cheek. His tone forced a smile out of me and I knew from his words that this was coming from a place of concern for me. Before I could argue any more, he got to his feet. “I’ve got a couple of hours free, come with me.” He suggested and I couldn’t think of a believable reason to decline his offer. 

I followed Bellamy into the woods in a confused silence. He was still relaxed and I took this as a good sign, but I had a slight knot in my stomach as I followed him into the unknown. He led me into an opening where there were some empty metal containers set on tree stumps and my stomach lurched at the sight. Although I couldn't admit it, the very idea of shooting a gun set a terror in me. I was comfortable with defending myself and in doing what was necessary to survive, but there was something about guns that gave me a feeling of unpredictability that I didn’t get from knives. I could only think it came from my lack of understanding around them, but I felt that there was a monumental amount of responsibility involved in owning one. Bellamy turned to face me with an encouraging smile. 

“If you don’t want to go to class, I’ll teach you myself.” He drawled with confidence and I squinted at him in uncertainty. 

“Bellamy, I appreciate what you’re trying to do and I’m totally behind the idea of guns for the guards, but I don’t know if I can do this.” I mumbled as I stepped backwards defensively. He followed me encouragingly and carefully took hold of my hands. 

“If you really don't want to do this, I won't make you.” He remarked, earning a breath of relief from me. “But it’s dangerous out here and I would feel better knowing that you were able to shoot and had a gun on you. Just indulge me and give it a try.” He requested and I took a deep breath before nodding reluctantly.

“Okay, come on, I’ll be right here the whole time.” He reassured as he led me into the clearing. He pulled out the pistol that he usually carried in the top of his trousers and I flinched involuntarily at the action. “Don’t worry, I’m not expecting you to do anything crazy, we’re just gonna try a pistol. I want you to try holding it first, you’ll realise there’s nothing to be afraid of.” He instructed and I tried to contain my nerves. “Before we do that, I’m gonna tell you the first rule, only put your finger inside the trigger guard when you are ready to fire, alright? For now, just take the trip and get a feel for it.” He detailed as he gently placed the firearm in my hands and I felt myself shake slightly. It felt as if I was holding a bomb and I peeked at him with insecurity. “ Not so scary, right?” He asked hopefully and I simply stared back with wide eyes. “The safety is on so it won't go off, you can breathe.” He added with a smile and I had to remind myself to let a breath out.I held the pistol for a few moments, trying to steady my heartbeat and allowing myself to adjust to the idea. 

“Okay, what’s next?” I asked nervously in a failed effort to force some confidence and he smiled back.

“Alright, let’s get you ready to shoot.” He confirmed and I felt my stomach flip at the casual way that he said this. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you. You’re not always going to have time to get into a proper stance, but we’ll do that today to give you a chance to get used to it. So, put your dominant leg forward, and lean forward just slightly.” He demonstrated and I mirrored him with a growing nausea. “Hold the gun up in front of you, your shooting arm should be fully extended and locked in place, and then this arm is bent holding here.” He showed me how to move my arms and I tried to do the same but my building nerves caused me to struggle with understanding what he wanted. He smiled at me as he noticed that I was still petrified and he stepped behind me to adjust my arms into the correct position. Although I appreciated the additional support, his proximity to me only caused further distraction. 

“Here, you need to lean a little more.” He put a hand to my waist in a gentle movement and guided me into the right position by bringing his chest to my back. I felt my face flush in response, but he seemed to be completely focused on the task at hand. “Right, here is the safety.” He stated as he moved closer so that his arms were around me to put his hand over mine and show me how to use the safety. As he did this, I realised that his body was completely pressed against mine and when he spoke his hot breath brushed my neck, causing my hair to stand up on end. He flicked the safety off and showed me how to tell it was off. “Now, you’re ready to shoot.” He announced and I felt my stomach flip.

“I’m scared.” I whispered, finally admitting how I felt.

“You don’t need to be. I’m right here; this is my gun. You don’t think I’d give you something dangerous, do you?” He asked, his breath tickling my ear. I considered his words carefully, remembering all the times that he’d protected me already. If I couldn’t trust myself with this gun, I could instead rely on my trust for Bellamy to keep me safe. I took a deep breath and squeezed the trigger in a braced position. The gun fired, causing a loud bang that startled me and the impact of the recoil threw me back. 

“Shit!” I screamed as I lost my grip on the weapon. Fortunately Bellamy caught it in midair and it was clear that he expected it. As soon as the gun was out of my hands, I turned to face him with an apologetic expression. “I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have dropped it, that’s so dangerous!” I gasped. He chuckled lightly and smiled at me. 

“It’s fine Indie, that’s perfectly normal if you’re nervous. How do you feel now?” He checked and I felt my hands shaking from the rush of adrenaline.

“That was terrifying.” I breathed with honesty. “I didn’t expect it to push me back like that.” I admitted.

“Even pistols have a recoil, it’s one of the challenges to learning to aim. Now that you’ve got your first shot out of the way, are you ready to learn to actually hit something?” He asked and although I was hesitant, I forced myself back into position and allowed him to set me up again. He explained where the aim was and how to use it, then helped to prepare me on how to deal with the recoil. I was amazed at his patience, as he continued to allow me as many attempts as I needed to completely miss every target. I started to expect that he was partly taking advantage of the excuse to hold me to him, but I quickly forced this thought from the mind. After several attempts I began to get frustrated. 

“God I suck at this!” I blurted out and he laughed. “I’m sorry Bellamy, I just can’t imagine actually shooting someone. I don’t know if I’d be able to trust myself to not hit someone else.” I groaned in disappointment and he hummed thoughtfully before speaking again.

“When it comes to guns, only ever point a gun at something you are willing to kill. I know that right now you’re thinking that isn’t necessary but let me help you.” He leaned in close and moved my arms to aim at an empty container. “Imagine that target is a man holding a knife to Octavia.” He spoke in a deep, threatening tone and I felt myself blanch at his suggestion.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. If someone was threatening Octavia and I had the chance to get in close enough to attack them, I knew that I would stab them without even considering it. There was something about using a gun that felt more lethal, more final. But Bellamy was right, there would be times that I wouldn’t be able to get up close and the risk would be high enough that I’d be forced to act. I opened my eyes and stared at the target, forming an elaborate vision in my mind. I focused on it, staring down the aim as he’d taught me to do and let out a slow, long breath before squeezing the trigger. This time when it fired, I was prepared for the feeling and held my stance firmly. The bullet launched the container from the stump and I gasped in shock.

“Damn Indie, you’re a better shot than me!” Bellamy laughed in disbelief. “They should’ve asked you to shoot the Chancellor.” He teased and I laughed back.

We spent the rest of the afternoon practising shooting and Bellamy taught me the essentials, like how to change the magazine and how to maintain the gun. When it started to get dark, he handed me the gun and moved to start towards camp. 

“Hey, this is yours, don’t you want it back?” I asked as I followed him.

“You can have it, there’s plenty back at camp. Like I said, you know I wouldn’t give you anything dangerous, maybe that’ll make it easier to get used to?” He smiled and I tucked the gun into my trousers awkwardly.

“Okay, thanks.” I breathed, surprised by the well considered gesture. “How did you come to know so much about guns?” I asked with interest.

“I was a guard once.” He answered and I nodded as I remembered that he did mention his time as a guard before when he told me about Octavia’s arrest. “They use the shock batons mostly, but they make sure to train every guard to use guns, just in case.” He explained and I was surprised by this information. 

“Well it’s a good thing that you had that experience with them then.” I commented thoughtfully and he surveyed me in confusion. “Now you can train us, I doubt anyone else here would've had a clue what they were doing otherwise. Silver lining, right?” I smiled and he was pleased with this realisation. 

***

The next few days were a blur of gun training for everyone and it had a particular focus on those who would be guarding the camp learning to use the larger weapons. I didn’t see much of Octavia, who seemed to be continually busy and so I kept myself occupied with tasks. I rose from the tent in the morning to find a small group gathered around the comms screen, listening to the Chancellor give a speech. I moved just close enough to hear some of what he was saying and gathered that they were celebrating Unity Day. I rolled my eyes at the crowd that had opted to join in, disappointed that anyone was still upholding Ark traditions when we were finally out of their reach. I was about to return to my tent when a loud steaming followed by Jasper’s excited cries drew my attention. He emerged from the tent carrying a huge pot that poured steam violently. 

“Whoo! Yeah! Monty strikes again!” He announced and I laughed at the sight of him in the goggles he’d been wearing the day that we arrived. “Hey, call this batch unity juice! Who’s thirsty?!” He slid the goggles up into his hair and ran into the centre of camp, immediately becoming surrounded. I watched with an amused smile as people gathered with genuine joy. Jasper occupied himself with filling cups as people clambered for some of the moonshine and even the people on guard duty put their guns aside to join the celebrations. “Happy Unity Day!” He announced dramatically. I groaned at the celebrations and instead passed Jasper to head into Monty’s brewing tent. Monty was filthy and surrounded by ingredients. 

“Hey, you’re not hiding from Unity Day alone in here are you?” I asked playfully as he wiped the sweat from his brow and noticed me with a smile.

“Is it that obvious?” He quipped back and I was glad to find him in good spirits. 

“Come on, you can’t just make the whole camp happy and not be out there to enjoy the praise.” I declared in an effort to tempt him outside as he busied himself with clearing up the mess that covered the entire space. “You can come hang with me, we’ll start an anti Unity Day corner.” I suggested with a coy smile.

“Sounds good to me. You find a spot to get started and I’ll be right out.” He agreed with a keen voice and I made my way back outside. I found a small collection of seats and dropped myself down in a boyish fashion. It wasn’t long before Jasper approached with an excited bounce to his step and tried to hand me a fresh cup of moonshine. 

“No thanks, I don’t drink.” I answered as I pushed it away with a smile. He made an overdramatic display of disbelief, falling backwards into a seat opposite me. 

“Wait, what did you just say? I can’t have heard you correctly!” He exclaimed with a hand to his chest and I laughed.

“I’ve seen how it makes people act and I’m quite happy not to humiliate myself.” I winked at him, remembering his declarations to Octavia when under the influence of the nuts. Although I wasn’t particularly against drinking on the whole, I didn’t feel that it was the right environment for me to indulge in the experience for the first time. There were numerous ways that it could go wrong in a camp filled with drunk teenagers and I shivered at the idea of doing something I would later regret.

“But it’s Unity Day? How else are going to celebrate our first and last ever _ free _ Unity Day if not by making an idiot of yourself?” He teased, still speaking in a false manner of offense and I sniggered at his dedication to trying to convince me.

“Haven’t you heard? This is the anti Unity Day corner.” Monty announced as he stomped over to us with a smile. “But I will take some of that, thank you.” He grabbed the cup that Jasper had offered me and made himself comfortable in the seat beside mine.

“Oh now I understand, that is how you got him out of his den.” Jasper connected, looking between the two of us. “How did you know that was his thing?” He probed and I raised a brow at him,

“I actually didn’t.” I admitted, inspecting Monty in surprise. “I was just kidding with him since I hate it. Well, not so much Unity Day itself, but basically the Ark and all it’s associated traditions.” I struggled to convey my thoughts without simply coming across as bitter and Jasper widened his eyes with interest.

“Woah Indie, that’s intense.” He breathed as he shuffled. “But not unjustified.” He shrugged and learned back in his seat. “Still, you might as well enjoy today, in a couple of days the Ark and all its associated crap will be here.” He suggested, before sipping at the moonshine poignantly. “You might even want to experience getting a little wild before the moonshine becomes outlawed again.” He winked and I grimaced, shaking my head at him. 

I spent the rest of the day hanging out with Jasper and Monty only to be joined by several others as everyone mixed and took the time to get to know each other a little better. The broadcast from the Ark cut out just after the Chancellor’s speech and I was pleased to see that no one was particularly interested in re-establishing it. Although I wasn’t overly interested in making friends, I enjoyed getting to know a few more members of camp; it helped it to feel more like a home. I didn’t see Octavia all day and I considered that she was probably enjoying alone time with some helpless camper.

As it grew dark, I took time to wander around and spotted Bellamy standing at the edge of camp speaking to Clarke. I caught the tail end of their conversation as I neared them and Clarke appeared to be leaving.

“I’ll have my fun when the grounders come.” Bellamy smiled at Clarke as she stopped and turned back to face him again.

“Alright.” She conceded as she turned to leave fully this time. I raised my brows at him inquisitively and he smiled as he noticed me. 

“Bellamy Blake turning down the opportunity to party? Surely that can’t be right?” I teased as I stepped closer, enjoying the chance to mock him and he laughed in response.

“Somebody has to keep an eye on things.” He smiled fondly at me as he spoke and I felt a warmth in my chest. 

“And _ somebody _ can, but if you’re asking me, _ you _ deserve some time off.” I replied as I held his sparkling gaze. “Tell me you at least got some of Monty’s Moonshine?” I grilled and he shook his head in an entertained manner. “Let me grab you a cup, it’s soon to be contraband don’t you know?” I offered with a playful smile as I tried to tempt him into some down time. He glimpsed me with a suspicious look and stepped closer into my space. 

“That almost sounds like you’re trying to get me drunk, Indigo?” He suggested as he fixed me with a shameless smile. 

“I mean, I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing that.” I winked with a hint of sass in my voice. “I’m _ very _ intrigued to see what kind of drunk you are.” I studied him with coy interest. I couldn’t imagine Bellamy not in control, although from the rumours I’d heard of his partying so far, he was rather bold.

“Well I’m afraid I can’t answer that for you, so you’ll have to wait for a time when we can find out.” He admitted with a slight pang of bitterness and I was surprised by his confession.

“Wait, you’re telling me that you’re the only real adult here and you’ve never been drunk?” I asked in implied shock causing him to chuckle and shake his head. “Well, now we really have to prioritise getting you a drink.” I suggested and he still declined. I sipped from my cup as I considered his words and tried to think of another way to tempt him away from guard duty. He bit his lip as he watched me and his voice dropped to a suggestive tone. 

“Sounds to me like you’re a pushy drunk.” He pointed to the mug in my hands and I almost choked in an effort to get my words out quickly enough. 

“It’s just tea actually, Monty fixed it up for me after I mentioned that I missed it. It’s handy having someone so into herbs around.” I clarified and he laughed in response.

“So you’re not even drinking yourself?” He questioned with amusement dancing in his eyes. I found myself getting lost in them as they glowed in the distant firelight and I had to force myself back into the moment. I shook my head guiltily. 

“I don’t drink, I like to be in control.” I answered honestly, before my eyes widened at the connotations of my words. Inwardly I kicked myself for saying something so suggestive and I felt a knot of dread as I waited for his response.

“I’m sure you do.” He drawled causing all of the hairs to stand up on the back of my neck at his tone. I stood awkwardly in silence for a minute, sipping at my tea as I tried to think of something to change the topic.”Have you seen Octavia today?” He asked in an effort to fill the silence.

“No, but honestly...in situations that revolve around horny teenagers and alcohol, I don’t consider it a bad thing to not know what your best friend is up to.” I replied and he shrugged in agreement, shaking his head in an effort to force out whatever thought I’d just planted. “So, are you gonna come and take a break for a bit, or are you staying on the perimeter like a workaholic?” I asked, jabbing him playfully in the arm. He sighed thoughtfully as he scrutinised me. 

“Maybe later.” He conceded and I smiled. “You’ll be the first to know if I do. Now go have some fun.” He insisted and I smiled as I hesitantly left him to his guard duty.


	20. Uɴᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ Mᴏᴠᴇs

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Uɴɪᴛʏ Dᴀʏ

I returned to sitting with Monty for a while, who had since been joined by Monroe and a few other girls that seemed to be thrilled by his company. We chatted idly to fill the time but I was distracted as I waited, hoping that Bellamy would seriously consider taking some time off. I was truly surprised when I saw him approaching and I couldn’t contain a wide smile at the sight of him. It quickly faded when I clocked his serious expression.

“Hey everyone, can I steal Indigo from you?” He enquired with a smile that I could easily identify was forced. This only worsened the nervous feeling in my stomach that something had happened and I almost didn’t want to ask what it was.

“It’s about time that you did.” Monroe commented and several of the others sniggered in response. I felt myself blush as a subtle smile crept into the corners of Bellamy’s mouth and cleared my throat awkwardly. I jumped to my feet and distanced myself from anyone, following him to a quiet spot. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked in immediate concern as I forced the embarrassment from my mind. 

“Finn has set up a meeting with the grounders, he’s taken Clarke with him to represent us. She’s asked me to follow her as backup. I’m gonna need you sharp shooting skills.” He explained and I groaned in disappointment. I had hoped for a straight 24 hours without drama, but I knew that this was too good to be true.

“I thought we’d gone too long without someone doing something stupid.” I sighed as I met his eyes and he scoffed in agreement. “Of course, if you need me, I’ve got your back.” I expressed and he seemed relieved at my words.

“Thank you.” He breathed with an appreciative smile. “Grab your gear and meet me by the woods. I’m gonna grab Jasper too.” He relayed as he moved to step away and I grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Jasper has been drinking all day, are you sure that’s a good idea?” I queried with an immediate feeling of guilt.

“Pretty much everyone in camp has.” He sighed as he studied the camp irritably. “I trust Jasper.” He added in a steady voice and I nodded in acceptance.

I rushed back to my tent to collect some supplies and picked up the gun he’d given me a few days ago. I felt strange carrying it around camp still, so I’d hidden it in here. I stashed it in my belt and checked that my dagger was still in its usual spot on the other side. I was concerned that Octavia was still not back in the tent, but tried not to think too much about what she was doing right now. I wrote her a quick note to say that I'd gone out with Bellamy and assured her that I was okay. I placed it somewhere she’d easily see it and rushed back to meet him.

When I reached the meeting spot, I was caught off guard to find he was waiting with both Jasper and Raven, before I assessed that if Finn was involved it only made sense for her to be here. We walked together through the trees and I kept close to Bellamy whilst Jasper and Raven remained just behind us. Bellamy crouched to investigate a small cluster of the nuts that had caused him to have hallucinations on the ground. 

“At least they’re good for something.” He commented in a bitter tone and I couldn’t blame him for his dislike of them. I struggled to ignore the two behind as Jasper rambled awkwardly and found myself doubting the decision to bring him with us. 

“Can you track her?” I asked nervously and he nodded in response. We stood back up and Bellamy turned to look over his shoulder at the distracting pair who quabled behind us.

“Both of you, shut up. Keep your eyes open.” He hissed before he rolled his eyes at me with frustration and we led the group forward. We walked in silent anticipation throughout the night and by the time we reached the meeting spot it was daylight. We approached a bridge that was above us and I spotted Clarke and Finn at the end of it. I shushed the group and drew us in closer, moving slightly lower into the valley that the bridge crossed. We bunched together to hide in some trees and Clarke glanced down at us. 

“Well, she knows backup is here now.” I whispered to the group as we waited in tense anticipation. 

“What’s Octavia doing here?” Jasper asked and I startled at his words. My view roamed to further along the bridge where I saw the grounder Lincoln jogging over to meet Octavia and he lifted her into a tight hug. I could hardly believe what I was seeing and felt a stab of betrayal in my chest. “Oh.” Jasper breathed in an awkward realisation. 

“I guess we know how he got away.” Raven commented in an entertained manner and I wished she would keep her commentary to herself. I felt my heart skip a beat as Bellamy turned to regard me with accusing eyes. 

“Did you know?” He hissed in an aggressive question and I gulped nervously as I tried to decide how to explain without giving the impression that I was taking sides.

“I’m not getting between you. I told her to speak to you about it. I can’t be responsible for both of your secrets.” I defended, feeling as if there were no easy way out of this situation now. I hated that things had reached this point and I was significantly disappointed with Octavia for not speaking to him as I’d requested.

“You didn’t think to tell me that she was involved with a grounder?” He spat, staring at me in disbelief and I felt my stomach flip at his assumption.

“I didn’t know!” I hissed back, growing annoyed with his accusations. “I knew that she helped him escape but it wasn’t for me to tell you. I had no idea that _ this _ was going on.” I swore as I indicated to the two of them who were still gripping each other on the bridge and he sighed bitterly. I turned my attention back to see them finally break apart and Bellamy aimed his gun at Lincoln, considering a drastic action through the sight. “Bellamy, don’t.” I warned with a sense of panic. 

“Wait, look.” Raven whispered firmly as she drew our attention to the far side of the bridge, where several grounders approached on horseback. We waited in heavy apprehension as Clarke strode nervously to the centre of the bridge to meet a female grounder who seemed to be important. They paused in a tense standoff and I wished that I could hear the conversation. Although I was incredibly stressed by the risk of the situation, I also struggled to stand so close to Bellamy whilst he radiated anger in my direction. I could hardly keep the frantic thoughts from my mind as I realised that we would need to discuss this properly later and felt my frustration with Octavia growing. Raven raised her gun to look at them through her scope. “Grounder princess looks pissed.” She commented.

“Our princess has that effect.” Bellamy replied with a slight smirk and I found myself smiling in response. I was glad for his humour breaking some of the tension that continued to grow between us. 

“Oh no, this is bad.” Jasper breathed as he stared up into the trees through his scope. I gazed at him in confusion, unable to see anything that he could be referring to. I felt a sense of dread in my stomach as I scanned the area and waited for some threat to reveal itself.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Bellamy hissed, surveying Jasper’s nervous form in annoyance. Jasper flitted his view to various points in the canopy on the other side of the bridge as if he were counting enemies and I felt my heartbeat quicken at his action.

“There’s grounders in the trees.” He growled through panicked pants and I took a sharp breath.

“What?” I gasped as I pulled the pistol from my belt and bought my focus nervously into the thick canopy. I became acutely aware of the fact that Octavia was on the bridge and incredibly vulnerable to attack in such an open area.

“Where?” Bellamy asked as him and Raven scanned the trees through their scopes. I prepared myself to shoot, feeling disadvantaged by my lack of vision. For the first time, I found myself wishing that I’d attended the shooting classes so that I could have graduated to a gun with a scope and greater range. “I don’t see anything.” He added with a doubtful tone.

“They’re gonna shoot!” Jasper gasped before running out from the cover of the trees and frantically screaming up at the bridge. “Clarke, run! Run!” He fired aimlessly at the trees and the large automatic rifle fired off a rapid succession of bullets in the relative direction of the canopy. Bellamy stepped out to follow him first, successfully shooting down a scout and Raven and I followed. I turned my attention immediately to the bridge, watching Octavia with every bit of attention that I could muster. I couldn’t get a proper view of her and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hit anyone from here with just a pistol.

Without thinking, I ran back into the trees and sprinted my way in the direction of the bridge. I trusted Bellamy and the others to keep control of the situation enough to provide covering fire, but I was driven by the need to get Octavia out of danger as soon as possible. The entrance to the bridge quickly came into view and I saw Finn supporting Clarke as they ran towards me. I pushed myself harder as I witnessed Lincoln jump to take an arrow for Octavia. I had to admit that the choice earned my respect. I was almost within reach of them when he snapped the arrow from the front of his chest as if it were nothing and Octavia clung desperately to him. He turned them to face me as I collided into her and latched onto her tightly. 

“Okay, run! Don’t stop til you’re behind your walls!” He ordered as he thrusted her towards me. “Go! _ Take her _!” He emphasised and I yanked her arm to encourage her to move. Clarke grabbed her other arm and assisted me to pull her into a jog as she screamed back to Lincoln. We ran from the bridge into the cover of the trees as I noticed the telltale red of Raven’s jacket emerging from my right. I pushed Octavia ahead with Clarke, releasing my grip on her arm so that I could slow myself down to check that the backup group had all safely joined us. Jasper appeared next, falling into step right behind Octavia and Clarke. Finally Bellamy ran out from my side and he paused for a second in worry before his eyes met mine. He snatched my arm to pull me toward him and we ran together the rest of the way to camp.

When we neared the gates, everyone slowed to catch their breath. It was dark now and it had been a difficult journey for us all. I put my hands on my knees as I panted for air, before Bellamy’s voice jolted me to standing again. 

“You got something to say?” He spat and I could easily recognise the confrontation in his voice.

“Yeah, I told you no guns!” Fin yelled in exasperation and I rolled my eyes at the ridiculousness of this suggestion. I could hardly believe that he was able to suggest this after the way things had just happened.

“I told _ you _ we couldn’t trust the grounders!” Clarke answered defensively and I was pleased to see her standing up to his self-righteous attitude. “I was right.” She voiced with the silent support of several of the group around her.

“And why didn’t you tell _ me _ what you were up to?!” Raven cried, grabbing his arm in rage and I felt awkward as I finally considered the implications of him telling Clarke but not including Raven.

“I tried, but you were too busy making bullets for your _ gun _!” Finn attacked, placing indignant emphasis on the last word and indicating to the weapon in her hands. I felt it was both unfair and cruel to blame her for defending herself and could feel myself losing respect for him with every word he said.

“You’re lucky she bought that!” Bellamy yelled as he rounded on Finn and I shuffled in preparation to pull them apart if needed. “They came there to kill you Finn.” He stated firmly I found myself agreeing with him. I hadn’t expected to find myself losing the faith in Finn that I’d first had but this situation was the catalyst for that change.

“You don’t know that!” Finn remained indignant and condescending as he scanned us all. I took a deep breath to try to calm myself down but I could hold my temper no longer.

“For Christ’s sake Finn, don't be so naive!” I blurted as my feelings forced their way out of my mouth. “You can’t make peace with everyone! Whatever you were offering to them, they weren’t impressed.” I exclaimed and he squinted at me in disappointment.

“Jasper fired the first shot!” He declared in defence and I threw my hands up in exasperation. As I moved, I noticed Jasper shuffling awkwardly and I could tell that Finn’s accusations had got to him. I found myself descending further into anger as I assessed the impact on Jasper and I started to pant again. 

“Because they were about to kill you!” I cried in a determined voice as I scrutinised him. I was furious that he was blaming Jasper for his own misjudgement and wouldn’t allow him to crush him under guilt for protecting us.

“You ruined everything.” Octavia accused with tearful eyes, staring directly at Jasper. I felt the disappointment in her from earlier on bubbling up from my stomach and I quickly lost control.

“Grow the fuck up Octavia! You shouldn’t even have been out there! Not everything revolves around who you’re currently interested in fucking!” I screamed as my temper poured out like uncontrollable venom. She stared back at me with wide eyes and a heartbroken expression, before turning on her heel and running back to camp.

“I saved you!” Jasper yelled after her and I was surprised that he seemed not to have even noticed my vicious attack. He scoffed in annoyance when she didn’t turn back to discuss the topic with him, completely missing the fact that she was storming away from me. “You’re welcome.” He spat under his breath before following her with a clear hurt in his voice

“Well if we weren’t at war already, we sure as hell are now.” Finn spat in a petty attack at Clarke and she sighed back at him in a manner that showed she’d had enough. 

“Shut the fuck up Finn, this was your ridiculous idea anyway.” I growled as I grew sick of his preaching attitude. He surveyed me with annoyance but chose to ignore my insults, instead continuing to speak at Clarke. 

“You didn’t have to trust the grounders, you just had to trust me.” He added in a way that added a thick layer of guilt and I could see in her broken expression that it was working. I paused for a moment as I barely held my temper at bay. When it was clear that Clarke had no intention of defending herself and Raven watched them in jealous torment, I took one last swipe at him. 

“Right, cause you’re just the most trustworthy person in camp with your trail of broken hearts.” I remarked as I crossed my arms at him. I was no longer shouting, but my tone was scornful enough to gain a disbelieving look from Finn before he turned to storm into camp, closely followed by Raven. I glanced back at Clarke and Bellamy, who faced me with shocked expressions and decided to return to camp before I could attack anyone else.

Within moments of entering the camp, the distant sound of an explosion caught my attention and I looked up to see what appeared to be a ship shooting across the sky. I rolled my eyes at the sight, feeling a multitude of emotions other than relief that the Ark reinforcements were here early. I started to walk to the tent, before the realisation struck me that it was exactly where Octavia would be. I paused on the spot, unsure of where to take myself now. I turned towards the dropship instead, but Bellamy cut me off as he placed himself directly in my path.

“Where are you going?” He queried with a puzzled expression and I shrugged awkwardly.

“I don’t know, I can’t exactly go back to my tent after that little showdown. I could go to Jasper and Monty’s but I don’t really want Jasper grilling me on his chances with Tavi now.” I rambled as I voiced my thoughts and tried to avoid his prying eyes. “I’ll probably just sleep in the dropship.” I conceded as I ran out of ideas.

“Did you not hear that?” He asked, indicating to the sky in a dramatic fashion.

“Yeah, the assholes are coming.” I sighed in a disaster response and he assessed me in confusion.

“You missed the part where it crashed, no one’s coming.” He explained and my mouth dropped open as I absorbed his words. “We can’t go out at the moment anyway, so we’ll be checking it out first thing in the morning.” He clarified and I nodded in response. I moved to walk away and he grabbed my arm to halt me on the spot. “You look like you could use someone to talk to.”He acknowledged and I glanced up at him in exhaustion. 

“Bellamy, I know we need to talk but-” I started with a desperate desire to escape this conversation, at least for the night. He didn’t allow me to explain any further, instead just pulling me toward his tent. As soon as we entered the space he released me and turned his gaze on me with an unexpected sympathy. 

“I think I was unnecessarily hard on you earlier.” He said, clearing his throat and I widened my eyes. “It’s not fair for me to keep putting you between me and my sister. And from the way you just laid into her, I can tell that you didn’t know about her and the grounder. You and I are good.” He spoke gently and his expression was one of understanding. I could hardly believe what I was hearing from him. I put my hands to my head and settled into a seat. 

“I really wanted Octavia to talk to you about this but I can’t lie to you, not when you’re trying so hard to be fair to me.” I sighed and hid my face in my hands. When I looked out again, he had settled himself into a seat opposite me and was waiting with interest. “I knew that she was going to help the grounder escape and I helped to keep people distracted for her.” I confessed, feeling as if I couldn’t breathe. I met his eyes and although he was far calmer than I expected, he still wore an expression of anger.

“Why would you do that? You had no idea what he would do.” He spoke evenly, despite the clear annoyance in his eyes and I was glad that he didn’t raise his voice. I felt vulnerable already and wasn’t sure that I could manage a conflict with him too.

“She didn’t give me much of a choice.” I sighed as I reflected on the conversation. “The camp was in complete chaos and there were only the two of us, and Raven and Finn who were lucid. And I was worried for you and Clarke too. Everything was happening at once and I couldn’t talk her out of it. She made me feel like there was no other option, so I chose to concentrate on getting the camp under control before anyone hurt themselves.” I explained, staring at my hands in an effort to avoid meeting his eyes. “I swear to you, I had no idea she was still seeing him. I would have dealt with that. She’s taking an enormous risk.” I growled in disapproval. When I did look up, I was surprised to see that he no longer seemed to be angry and was instead watching me with understanding.

“I know how insistent she can be.” He sighed regretfully and I could only imagine how many times he’d been hammered with her determination. “I’m sorry that she put you in that position. I’m not surprised that you lost it with her.” He responded and I was stunned that he wasn’t furious with me for attacking his sister. I knew for a fact that he wouldn’t allow anyone else to speak to her that way and I felt for the first time that he truly respected the friendship we had.

“No, that was wrong.” I stated firmly as I remembered my hurtful words. “I shouldn’t have let my temper get the better of me.” I spoke regretfully and Bellamy chuckled under his breath. 

“We all lose our shit sometimes Indigo, you have to expect it to happen eventually. You’ve seen me do it plenty of times.” He mentioned and I couldn’t deny that I’d seen him do more impulsive things than I could easily count. I met his eyes with a remorseful expression and now that my temper had finally calmed, I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. 

“I’ve never even raised my voice at her before, I shouldn’t have been so harsh.” I spoke in a small voice and my chest ached with the strain of my emotions.

“Ah, your first fight.” He commented and I peeked at him only to find that he was smiling tenderly. “She’ll get over it, just give it some time.” He reassured and I took a deep breath as I tried to convince myself to believe in his statement

“I hope you’re right.” I smiled back at him, before returning my attention to my hands in a gesture of stress. I couldn’t imagine how I would even start to patch things up for Octavia and I found myself falling into an obsessive worry about it.

“In the meantime, you’re welcome to stay here.” I snapped my eyes back up to him in surprise and he measured my reaction with an intense interest. I cleared my throat and got to my feet awkwardly. 

“Umm, thanks. That’s really considerate, but I’ll be fine in the dropship.” I answered as I moved toward the door.

He stood to approach me slowly and I couldn’t move at all. He stepped into my space and stared me up and down, biting his lip slightly. I didn’t know how to react as he stared into my eyes with an intensity that was practically hypnotising. His hand settled gently on my waist as he moved closer than I allowed anyone to get and my heart seemed to stop for a moment, before kicking into overdrive. I could tell that he was considering me carefully with every movement, examining me for any signs of discomfort. He brought his other hand to my face, brushing my hair behind my ear in a smooth manoeuvre before settling on my cheek, his thumb stroking along my jaw. My breath hitched at his touch and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning into it with a hunger I didn’t even know that I possessed. 

“You don’t have to go…” He trailed off, speaking in a deep, husky voice. The hand that was on my waist slowly roamed down to slip under my shirt, as his fingers brushed the length of my hip bone. My eyes fluttered closed for a moment in reaction and I felt him leaning his face into mine. The moment felt like it was happening in slow motion and every part of my body thrummed in anticipation. He got close enough for his nose to brush my cheek and I could feel the heat of his lips barely a hair's width from mine when I startled back out of his grip. I fell backwards and stared at him with wide eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I-I can’t.” I stuttered before bolting from the tent. It was impossible to shake the vision of Bellamy’s stunned face as I rushed to the dropship. I found a corner to settle in and took some time to steady my breathing. I was in shock, unable to believe what had just happened. Somehow I couldn’t process the way Bellamy had just touched me, or the look that was in his eyes as he explored me. Most of all, I was shocked by the way my body responded to him. I had never so much as found someone attractive in my entire life and the only times I had experienced someone touching me in such a way had been moments of pure horror; this was mind bendingly different. When Bellamy touched me, my body responded as if he were the air I needed to breathe and my fear may have destroyed any chances of that ever happening again. At that moment, the one person I needed to talk to more than anything was also the person whose friendship I had just shattered into a million pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would apologise for the kiss tease, but I must admit I really enjoyed writing it! Leave me a comment if I got you or if you hate me now ;)


	21. Aғᴛᴇʀᴍᴀᴛʜ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** I Aᴍ Bᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ Dᴇᴀᴛʜ

I didn’t sleep a wink that night, lost in an overwhelming spiral of anxiety and confusion. I pretended to be asleep when Raven came to look for me; I could only assume that she wanted me to join the scouting mission to where the ship crashed and I was pleased when she left without even attempting to wake me up. I hid in the dropship for most of the morning, unable to will myself to face the mess of camp. Just as I was gathering myself to leave, I heard footsteps and turned to see Octavia staring at me with her arms crossed. 

“I thought you’d be out with the disaster squad.” She commented in a bitter voice as she viewed me with disdain.

“Octavia, I’m sorry.” I breathed as I sat back down in the makeshift bed and sighed. “I shouldn’t have said what I did, it was a high tension situation and I lashed out at you, and that wasn’t fair.” I spoke softly and looked up at her in remorse.

“I thought you would always have my back?” She replied, raising her brows and I flinch at her words. It felt like an unnecessarily, low blow and I tried to retain a calm manner.

“Yeah well, you’ve certainly been testing the limits of that since we arrived here.” I remarked in a defensive tone. I didn’t want to argue with her again, but I’d never allowed her to simply walk over me before and I had no intention of starting now.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She spat as she studied me in disbelief.

“Come on Tavi, I don’t want to fight with you.” I sighed as I tried to keep the conversation from becoming heated. “Neither of us is perfect. Having your back isn’t the same as just constantly agreeing that you’re right no matter what. If you want to know what having your back means to me, that includes telling you when you’re being an idiot, yes. But it also means that I will back you up even when I don’t agree, which you can’t deny I have done.” I detailed, feeling that I had to remind her of the direct foundation our friendship had been built on. She considered me carefully before speaking again. 

“Why didn’t you back me up at the bridge?” She grilled as she crossed her arms and inspected me.

“I didn’t even know you were there, and I had no idea that Lincoln was involved either. I can’t help you if you’re constantly sneaking around behind my back.” I spat as I felt myself growing annoyed at her unreasonable expectations.

“Once you did realise I was there, you still didn’t back me up.” She relayed as her voice began to rise. “You didn’t stop Jasper from attacking!” She argued as she threw a hand at me in an accusatory gesture.

“I was kind of busy with keeping you all alive. And I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear this, but Jasper was right to attack! We were there to back you up and the grounders were preparing to attack you. Jasper saved your life, so you need to stop blaming him for the grounders actions.” I spoke in a low tone of annoyance but concentrated on not matching her increased volume. She was still standing in an aggressive posture, but she did seem to be listening to me at least. 

“I trust Lincoln.” She stated and I raised a brow at her. “And this was our chance to be at peace with the rest of the grounders. Now we’re at war.” She drawled before she brought a hand to her face and rubbed her forehead in stress. “This is a mess!” She sighed frustratedly and I wondered whether she had really considered how the concept of peace was going to work.

“Let’s talk about Lincoln while we’re at it.” I blurted and had to quickly reign in the tone of disappointment. “How long have you been creeping out to see him?” I asked as I decided that it was better to simply get everything out in the open. If we were going to fall into an argument again, I’d rather it was the last one we needed to have.

“Since he escaped.” She confirmed unapologetically and I rolled my eyes at her. This was not the answer that I wanted and simply confirmed my suspicion that there was something developing between them, something that was potentially changing her views.

“And that’s enough time to trust him with your life?” I enquired as I observed her reaction, hoping to see some sort of indication that she was aware of how ridiculous this sounded. “To trust all of his people who have been killing us since we arrived?” I asked, hoping she still had the capacity to be reasonable despite her obvious infatuation.

“If you didn’t notice, he took an arrow for me yesterday, against his own people!” She argued and her expression clearly showed that she considered this an act of deep commitment. “Are you really questioning my safety with him?” She probed with a defensive stance and I shrugged at her unenthusiastically.

“I did notice that and yes, it earned some trust from me. I have no problem admitting that.” I conceded as I forced myself to relax my shoulders. I knew that my next point could lose the delicate balance of calm that I was currently holding on to, but it had never been in my nature to shy away from things that needed to be said. I took a deep breath as I prepared myself for a call out that I knew she wouldn’t be happy to hear. ”But I want to be sure that you’re not behaving recklessly because some hot, mysterious guy is taking interest in you.” I suggested and her mouth dropped open in shock, hardly able to believe that I’d dared to question her pattern.

“Oh fuck you!” She spat, pacing around as she glared at me. 

“I am your best friend, I am allowed to question your behaviour Tavi.” I sighed in dread as I worried that we were losing control of the conversation.

“That’s rich coming from you! The second you met my brother you dropped your supposedly undying loyalty to me so that you could keep running to each other's rescue. Don’t blame me because you’re too scared to act on your feelings!” She spat in a furious tone and I stared back at her with a genuine expression of hurt. “You’re a fucking hypocrite, everytime I try to question your behaviour you lie to me, so don’t act like you expect total honesty between us.” She growled and I couldn’t meet her eyes.

We both stood in a silence that was so heavy it was practically suffocating. She continued to stare at me in fury, but she did seem to finally be out of venom. I scanned the room as I struggled for anything else to say to calm the situation, but I was afraid of saying something that could exacerbate the situation. I couldn’t deny that her words were hurtful and I was tired of seeing her throw away her common sense to chase anyone that she was attracted to. 

“Fine, you don’t need me. Make your own dumb decisions.” I started coldly before I walked away from her without a backwards glance.

***

I wandered around camp in search of somewhere to stay, or rather hide, where no one would bother me. I overheard fireside gossip that Monty and Jasper had been moved to a larger tent as a reward for Jasper’s quick thinking at the bridge. I grabbed Monty to check that no one else had been assigned to their old tent yet and he confirmed that it was free. I asked him not to tell anyone that I was there and he reluctantly agreed. I returned to the tent that I shared with Octavia and collected my things in a rush as I was determined not to bump into her again. I spent the rest of the afternoon moving to the new tent, gathering various supplies from around camp and repairing the tent from the poor state that the boys had left it in. After a while of moping and feeling stressed in my own thoughts, Monty let himself into the tent.

“Hey Indie, all moved in?” He smiled with a hint of concern as he entered the space and sat cross legged in front of me.

“Yeah, thanks for this, I really needed my own space.” I replied quietly without even looking at him. I could feel that he was investigating me and I knew that meeting his gaze would likely reveal more than I wished to. 

“It sounds like you had a really rough couple of days. Are you sure that isolating yourself is the best thing?” He asked gently as he leaned forward to try to catch my attention but I kept my eyes away from him. I scoffed at his words and I could feel his confusion even without looking.

“I’ve successfully pushed away anyone that I would usually confide in and I don’t know how to fix any of my messes. I think being alone is the best thing I can do for everyone right now.” I mumbled, pulling my knees up to my chest and curling into a ball in an effort to comfort myself. He sighed and I could feel the sympathy radiating from him. 

“I know we haven’t really talked that deeply, and I tend to usually make a joke of things, but I’m a good listener.” He smiled at me with such kindness that it caused me to well up and I sniffed, rubbing at my watery eyes.

“You don’t need to be burdened with my problems Monty.” I grumbled with a voice that exposed the emotions I was struggling to hide. I forced an appreciative smile at him in the hope that he would leave. I was so exhausted and vulnerable that I was worried that it wouldn’t take much for me to spill everything I was feeling and I wanted to keep it private.

“It’s not a burden to be a good friend, Indie. Since we got here you’ve been a good friend to me.” He smiled as he reached out to squeeze my knee and I felt the tears readily escaping me. 

“I can’t cope with this stupid planet and it’s stupid effect on people anymore!” I cried and Monty looked at me sympathetically as the tears rolled down my cheeks. “Everyone is behaving like hormone driven idiots and it’s causing so much _ bullshit _ ! Look at Raven, Finn and Clarke, that’s just a whole mess. Bellamy’s been with most of the camp it feels like, Jasper is so desperate for Octavia’s attention that he keeps putting himself in danger, Octavia can’t make her mind up _ who _ she’s interested in and certainly doesn’t appreciate my thoughts on that. Now she’s fucking the literal enemy and we can’t seem to have a single conversation without biting each others heads off and I just can’t understand it!” I ranted wildly at him, hardly stopping to take a breath and he simply listened patiently. When I finally stopped to wipe my face, he handed me a rag with an entertained look.

“What do you mean you don’t get it? You know what it’s like when you’re just so into someone that it makes you crazy.” He started and I noticed that his eyes glistened with reflection. “Now take that and multiply it by 100 with no adults to add restrictions. That gives you chaos.” He flashed me a relaxed smile and I stared back at him blankly.

“No, I really don’t _ get _ it.” I repeated sheepishly and he surveyed me in confusion. I sighed with embarrassment, mortified that I had to explain this to someone other than Octavia, but I knew that I’d only start to feel better once I’d got it off my chest. “I’ve never been attracted to anyone, I don’t know what it feels like.” I admitted, studying the ground in a bid for it to swallow me right where I sat. I could feel his surprised reaction even without regarding him and he cleared his throat in an attempt to recover himself.

“Well, I can tell you what it’s like.” He offered, before pausing to consider his explanation for a moment. “Okay, so it’s not too dissimilar to how you feel about Octavia and how I feel about Jasper. It’s the same closeness and feeling that you’d do anything for them. But then it’s also a whole bunch of awkwardness and feeling like you can’t control yourself around them, and second guessing everything you say and do. You find yourself looking at them more closely than you do anyone else and noticing little details about them, you think about them a lot and you catch yourself wanting to touch them.” He explained more articulately than I ever could have expected. “At least, that’s what it’s like for me. It can make you crazy for sure!” He added and I sighed. 

“Well, I guess that would explain everyone’s behaviour.” I thought aloud as I considered the various insane situations that I’d observed between the people of camp.

“Plus, I hope this isn’t too out of line to say, but I think you may have experienced it after all.” He mumbled and I peeked at him in confusion. “You and Bellamy have a lot of chemistry and I see you do a lot of things around him that meet that description. Have you considered that just maybe...you might be a little bit into him?” He enquired and I put my head in my hands with a groan. 

“I don’t know!” I blurted as my face burned hot in my hands. He tried to stifle a laugh at my reaction but he failed and there was a playful lilt to his voice when he spoke again. 

“I get the feeling that this is more of the reason you’re hiding in here than you want to admit?” He suggested as he examined me and I looked at him with a heavy blush.

“This is so _ weird _ and definitely the kind of thing that I would struggle to even talk to Octavia about! And I can’t even talk to her right now because she’s being a difficult cow!” I whined as I acknowledged the stress of the situation that had piled on me.

“That and he’s her brother.” Monty scrunched his nose in a cringey expression and I felt as if he were the only person in the world that understood me in this moment.

“Exactly!” I exclaimed with a dramatic gesture to him, before dropping back to an uncomfortable tone. “Monty this feels completely wrong to talk to you about but I am losing my mind here.” I aired my thoughts and was relieved when he smiled reassuringly. 

“I told you I’m happy to listen and I meant it. Believe me I have heard stuff from Jasper that is so embarrassing and in detail that it’s traumatising for me to have even listened to. I guarantee that whatever you need to talk about is not as bad as you think.” He winked at me and I momentarily wondered what Jasper had put him through. He squeezed my knee encouragingly and waited whilst I prepared myself to speak.

“Ugh!” I groaned, dropping my head into my knees in exasperation. I took a few deep, steadying breaths before facing him again. “Last night I was in Bellamy’s tent talking and he asked if I wanted to stay.” I began and Monty raised his brows. I held a finger up to stop him from saying anything and he fought away a smile. “He almost kissed me, and he was pulling me in and I…” I trailed off, unsure how to explain what happened without sounding like a complete idiot. 

“And?” He asked, a devilish curiosity now playing on his face that made me squirm in humiliation. 

“You’re a secret gossip, aren’t you?” I commented, thinning my eyes at him as I observed his body language. I was disappointed in myself that I hadn’t figured this out about him sooner and rolled my eyes at my poor choice in confidante.

“Don’t try to change the topic, what happened??” He asked, playfully slapping me on the arm and leaning in closer with a wink.

“And I ran out of there.” I sighed in defeat, covering my face in embarrassment to avoid his judging eyes.

“Okay, playing the gossip girl is clearly not helping. Let’s try to break this thing down.” He sighed and when I looked at him next, the playful expression was gone, replaced with a sympathetic smile.“ So how did it make you feel at the time?” He asked in a calm, analytical manner. I could hardly think through the embarrassment but reminded myself of Monty’s efficiency at dissecting things. I looked around thoughtfully before answering him reluctantly.

“Overwhelmed, nervous, shocked. I mean, he’s flirted with me before, but I thought he was joking. I never imagined he’d actually try anything!” I rambled and he hummed thoughtfully to himself. I took myself back in my mind to the memory, initially feeling as if I could die from cringing. As I reflected on my feelings, I realised that I hadn’t told him the whole truth and braced myself to feel even worse. “...but also, like I was made of electricity.” I admitted quietly and his eyes shot back to me with vivid interest. “I don’t know how else to explain it, my body responded to him without me even thinking about it. It was like I...craved it?” I blurted, before covering my face and groaning again. “This is so _ embarrassing _!” I hissed in an agonising tone and he laughed in response.

“I can’t tell you what to do or feel Indie, but it sounds to me like you already know the answer to this question.” He clarified in his usual calm manner and I scoffed in annoyance at his wisdom. I was glad that his voice was warm and understanding, but it was a small comfort.

“But it’s so inconvenient!” I wailed from behind my hands and he snorted as he broke into laughter.

“It usually is.” He commented with the remaining hint of amusement and I finally uncovered my face to find him pondering me.

“Alright Mr Expert, I told you all of my deep dark secrets, your turn.” I declared as I assessed him. “There is no way you know all of that without experience, who is it?” I grilled as I raised an inquisitive brow at him. He squirmed awkwardly under my gaze and I continued to watch him expectantly. 

“I guess it’s only fair.” He conceded and I fidgeted into a comfortable position as I prepared for his story. “Harper.” He answered quietly and his body language shifted. We had quickly swapped places and it was his turn to behave awkwardly.

“Really?” I smiled coyly at him and he avoided my gaze. “So why haven’t you made a move?” I interrogated, inspecting him in interest. I couldn’t imagine Monty having trouble with girls, he’d always been kind and funny around me and I had assumed that he was popular for this.

“She’s pretty into Jasper right now.” He groaned as he checked out the ground and I shifted uncomfortably as the information sank in. I’d had the same thoughts about Jasper and hadn’t considered until now that they could be competition for each other. My chest ached in sympathy for his predicament and I wished I could do something to help. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” I remarked quietly and we sat in silence for a few minutes. I sighed deeply as I thought about our struggles and glimpsed back at him. “Earth sucks.” I announced with an annoyed pout and he laughed earnestly before nodding in agreement. Now that I’d got the feelings off my chest, I was starting to feel tired and I couldn’t stifle a yawn.

“You look tired, why don’t you get some sleep before people realise which tent you’re in?” He suggested with a warm smile and I was glad of his reliable kindness. “I won’t mention it to anyone, but there’s only so many tents in camp.” He winked and I shrugged as I realised he was right.

“Thanks Monty, for all of this. I really do appreciate it.” I drawled gratefully, rubbing my tired eyes and he stood in the low space of the tent.

“Any time.” He chirped, before stepping out and zipping the door closed behind him. I laid down in the fabrics and was asleep almost immediately.


	22. Rᴇᴛᴀʟɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** I Aᴍ Bᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ Dᴇᴀᴛʜ

When I next opened my eyes, I could tell that I’d been asleep for a long time. I stepped out of the tent and stretched out happily. I strolled toward the centre of camp to get an update on events. I picked Monty out of a gossiping crowd and approached him with a smile. 

“God, I slept so hard.” I chirped and noticed that he seemed distracted. “What disasters did I miss? Did the others get back okay?” I questioned with a joking smile before my face dropped when he didn’t smile back.

“Yeah, everyone is back fine. Actually, more people came back than expected.” He answered cryptically and I stared at him assessingly. “We found Murphy outside of camp last night.” He muttered under his breath and I felt my breath hitch in response. For a moment, I couldn’t believe what I’d heard and I stared at him with wide eyes.

“Murphy?” I confirmed, feeling a knot form in my stomach as he nodded in response. “Shit, that’s not going to go well.” I muttered and Monty rubbed a nervous hand on the back of his neck.

“I know he’s an asshole... but I caught a glimpse of him as they brought him inside and he looked horrific. From what I’ve heard, he was tortured by the grounders and it really does look that way.” Monty explained with a conflicted expression and my mouth dropped open in shock. I was about to question him more when I heard raised voices from the dropship. 

“Thanks Monty, I’d better go deal with this.” I drawled with a building feeling of dread in my stomach. I forced one last quick smile at him, before heading in the direction of the voices. I rushed into the ship to see Bellamy, Finn and Clarke in a heated conversation and stopped in my tracks as I tried to catch up on the situation. 

“Once he’s better, we find out what he knows and then he’s out of here, ok?” 

I caught Clarke speaking to Bellamy in a hushed tone and it was clear that they were both engrossed in conversation. She moved to leave and I strode past her, further into the space. My attention landed on a small, shivering shape in the corner that vaguely resembled Murphy and I gasped in horror. He was coated in blood and even a quick glance revealed that his claims of torture were true. His body was covered in welts, burns, cuts and a selection of injuries that came directly from nightmares. I started to approach him slowly and Bellamy was too focused on Clarke to have noticed me.

“What if he refuses to leave?” Bellamy called to her back, but I kept my stunned eyes on Murphy. He quivered in fear as he scrutinised me and I tried to move as carefully as possible. “What do we do with him then?” Bellamy probed as they continued their argument behind me.

I took my time to enter Murphy’s space as he was jumpy and made it clear that I meant him no harm. I crouched down to his level and reached out to him carefully. I delicately took his hands into mine and realised with a grimace that his fingernails had been pulled out. I inspected him with such sympathy that I could barely hold back the tears, as I took in the shivering wreck that remained of him.

“Then we kill him.” Clarke delayed in a tone that was icy cold and I felt my temper growing at their conversation. I returned to a standing position and turned on the spot to squint at the two of them. They both had crossed arms and were staring at Murphy with threatening expressions. 

“You two need to get out.” I spat, planting myself in front of him defensively. Bellamy seemed to finally register that I was here and he was clearly immensely uncomfortable with my proximity to Murphy. 

“He can’t be here. Indigo, get out of my way.” He growled with an aggravated tone as he stepped towards me and his eyes flitted to Murphy with a blatant disgust.

“Stop it!” I yelled as my patience snapped and my voice raised without my consideration. “That’s enough from both of you.” I stated with a nod over to Clarke to confirm that my disappointment extended to her. “Bellamy, I know what happened because of his actions, but that doesn’t change that he’s one of the 100 and he has been tortured. He needs help and all you’re doing is making his suffering worse. If you want information from him, he needs to be well enough to speak. Look at him, right now he can barely even keep his eyes open! Get out.” I ordered with a bitter frustration and Bellamy regarded me in an obvious shock. “You too Clarke!” I announced as I threw a dismissing hand at her too. “You both made the decision on his punishment, it’s not appropriate for you to be involved now and it wont reflect well on your authority to camp! I’ll take responsibility for the decision to help him and we can discuss how you punish me for that to save face to the camp later.” I spoke quickly in my anger and as soon as I’d finished, I turned back towards Murphy again.

“Indigo, I can help you to-” I heard Clarke’s remorseful voice from behind before I’d even managed to bend again. I could tell that my words had caused a shame in her but her continued presence only served to make me more angry. I whipped back around to face her in fury. 

“Did I stutter?” I snarled as I looked between them. “OUT! Both of you!” I yelled and they both jumped at my sudden temper. I gave one final glare before turning back to Murphy and was relieved to finally hear their footsteps leave the ship. 

I took a few moments to gather supplies including a flask of Monty’s Moonshine and several rags, and water. I returned to Murphy’s side carefully as he quivered and watched me with a nervousness that broke my heart to witness. I took my time to gain his trust, starting by simply soaking his hands in warm water to try to clean him up. Once he was relaxed enough to let me do that without twitching at every minimal contact, I moved on to cleaning the cuts on his arms. I gradually worked my way up to a large burn that covered practically his entire shoulder. I could hardly stand to look at it, the brutality of what had been done to him was unbearable. I met his swollen eyes with a look of deep sadness.

“Why are you even helping me?” He choked out even as he struggled to get his breath. “You’ve been in my face since day one.” He muttered accusingly and I sighed as I continued to clean the huge amount of injuries on his body. 

“Because you need it.” I answered firmly and he scoffed. “I got in your face because your bad decisions were leading the entire camp down a dangerous road, one that backfired on you.” I confessed as I wring out the cloth in the water and kept my focus on cleaning him. I found it difficult to meet his eyes as I comprehended the results of his banishment. “Whatever you did, you’ve endured more punishment than you deserved. I’m going to make sure it ends here.” I assured him, holding his gaze. He fidgeted awkwardly and I clocked several cuts through a tear in his shirt. When he leaned back against the wall, I slid the shirt to get a better look at them and realised they were deeper than the rest of his injuries. He flinched away from my touch and I gazed with a gentle understanding.

“Murphy, I really need to clean these or they’ll definitely get infected. I’ll spare you as much pain as I can, but these ones _ need _ alcohol. I promise I’ll be tender.” I reasoned with him and although he still viewed me with suspicion, he lowered his guard.

I guided his arm out of the t-shirt so that I could pull one side up to his neck, revealing three large, deep gashes. I opened the bottle of moonshine and peeked at him for a sign that he was prepared. As soon as he nodded and gritted his teeth, I poured the moonshine over and he cried out. I quickly put it down and as he leaned forward to double up in pain I pulled him into me, allowing him to rest his head on my shoulder. I rubbed his back soothingly as I felt his hot tears soaking into my shirt and battled to keep my composure. We remained in this position until he willingly sat back and perceived me with surprise.

Once I’d finished with the wounds on his chest, I left his side momentarily to fetch some fresh water. In the moment that I was about to return, I was startled by the sound of retching and turned back to see Murphy on his hands and knees. He was bringing up copious amounts of bright red fluid and the strain seemed to be causing him to almost convulse. I rushed back over to his side to support him and once he was done, I helped him back into a sitting position. I pushed his wet hair back from his face and he stared at me with terrified eyes. Clarke suddenly stormed into the room to make a bee line for him, but I wouldn’t let her past me, blocking her from touching him. 

“Clarke, are you incapable of understanding?! You can’t be here!” I hissed as I stopped her from passing me.

“I’m sorry but this is important.” She insisted and I stared at her in annoyance as she settled almost beside me instead. “Murphy, I need you to tell me exactly how you escaped from the grounders. What happened?” She grilled and I took a deep breath in an effort to contain my temper. Murphy shook his head in a slow heavy manner and I could feel the tension building in my chest. 

“I don’t know.” He mumbled and more fluid fell from his mouth as he spoke. I grabbed a damp rag and wiped his mouth with an impatient glance at Clarke.

“Clarke, he’s sick. Can’t this wait?” I questioned as I felt the growing sickness of her insistent behaviour. Despite my words, she stared at him expectantly and he struggled to get the words out. 

“I woke up and they forgot to lock my cage. There was no one there so I took off.” He answered in difficulty and I started to block her again. 

“They let you go.” She whispered in a crestfallen manner as she leaned away. 

“You have your answer, now get out.” I spat as I finally ran out of patience and pushed her the rest of the way out of his space. “Try to relax Murphy.” I voiced reassuringly as I pushed his hair back from his face again to calm him. I wiped the cloth around his face to clean the various wounds, worrying that if any of the fluid were to get in them it would cause an infection. As I busied myself with this, I caught the sound of heavy footsteps and knew without even turning around who had just entered.

“Bellamy, stay back!” Clarke called in a frantic manner and I couldn’t help wondering what had changed her tune. I rolled my eyes as I prepared for whatever conflict was about to happen and sighed in annoyance. I dipped the cloth in the water again and held it gently to Murphy’s head to cool him off, holding his hair back carefully. I glanced over my shoulder to see that Bellamy had paused in place in the centre of the room and was watching me tend to Murphy with a furious expression. He then glanced over to Clarke in concern and at his expression I made my first proper assessment of her since she had entered. She looked awful, her skin was pale and covered in a sheen of sweat.

“Did he do something to you?” Bellamy interrogated and I glared back at him. I peeked at Clarke and realised that she had red fluid around her eyes with a lurch in my stomach. Bellamy seemed to notice this at the same moment as his eyes grew wide. “What the hell is this?” He asked, tensely glancing between her and Murphy.

“Biological warfare.” She revealed with a hint of fear in her voice. “You were waiting for the grounders to retaliate for the bridge? This is it. Murphy is the weapon.” Clarke spoke poignantly and Murphy looked up at Bellamy nervously. I understood why, as I anticipated Bellamy responding to this information rashly and mentally prepared myself to stand my ground. I grabbed a nearby cup of water and held it up to Murphy’s lips. 

“You need to keep hydrated, here.” I ordered quietly in an effort not to draw attention to us. He took a long, careful drink and I placed the cup at his side. I was tenderly pushing his hair back again when I was suddenly dragged backwards by my shirt along the dropship floor. I struggled in an attempt to stop the motion, but it was to no avail. The moment that I stopped in the middle of the room, I sprung furiously to my feet only to find that it was Bellamy who was responsible. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! I told you to get out, what part of that is hard for you to understand?!” I snarled as I felt myself shaking in outrage.

“He’s contagious!” He growled back as he pointed at Murphy, but I recognised a hint of jealousy in his eyes as he perceived him. “Didn’t you hear Clarke, you can’t be near him. We should get him out whilst we still can!” He threatened and moved to step toward Murphy. I didn’t hesitate for a moment in blocking him, pushing him back with all of my might. I surprised even myself at the power I managed to produce as adrenaline flooded me. I threw him back with a viscous glare and he stopped in his tracks. 

“Don’t make me put you on your ass Bellamy, because so help me god, I will! Get out of my sight!” I rasped, radiating anger on a level that he hadn’t seen from me before. I could tell from his wide eyes that he hadn’t anticipated this kind of veracity from me and I dug my heels in.

“He’ll make you sick!” Bellamy argued, defensively indicating back to Murphy and his brows knitted together as he tried to appeal to me.

“You already beat him to it!” I screamed in a loss of control as my venomous nature overwhelmed my senses. Bellamy froze in shock at my words and I narrowed my eyes at him. He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again several times as he seemed to be lost for words and I pushed a feeling of regret to the back of my mind.

“Indigo, you need to get away from him, you’re not sick yet. You might be immune and if you are they’ll need you in camp.” Clarke approached me carefully from behind and it was clear that she wanted to put an end to the rising tensions. Although she tried to draw my attention to her I kept my eyes fixed furiously on Bellamy.

“I’m not leaving him to suffer.” I stated adamantly without even looking at her and Bellamy scoffed in annoyance as my attitude broke through his shock. 

“I’ll take care of him, I’m already infected.” Clarke suggested in a soft voice and I finally looked at her sceptically. 

“I don’t trust you.” I announced coldly whilst I crossed my arms. “Both of you openly discussed killing him, right in front of him, this morning. Don’t you think he’s been through enough punishment?!” I argued as I appealed to their reasonable sides, despite the endless fury that burned in my chest.

“Clarke’s right.” Bellamy declared as he clocked me with a cold, determined expression. “Get her out of here.” He ordered as he dropped his gaze to the ground and in barely a few moments two of his followers descended on me. I was furious that he didn’t have the decency to remove me himself and it struck me that he was using them to distance himself from the action. They grabbed both of my arms and began to drag me from the space. I kicked and thrashed desperately, making every step difficult for them but I couldn’t stop them from taking me. 

“No, you can’t do this!” I howled as I fought aimlessly. As I was about to be carried over the threshold, the sounds of coughing and violent seizing paused us all in place. After barely thirty seconds of vomiting sounds and what sounded like a disagreement, Clarke called out to them. 

“Bring her back.” She ordered, causing them to drag me back into the ship and they held onto me as they awaited instructions. “We need to set up a quarantine zone, you can’t take her anywhere.” She clarified as her brows knitted and both of the men holding me looked to Bellamy for confirmation. He nodded reluctantly, and it was clear that he wasn’t satisfied with this outcome. The men finally released their grip on me and I marched back over to Murphy without even looking at Bellamy. I picked up a fresh rag to begin tending to Murphy’s badly beaten face again and had to battle to return to tender movements as I shook with rage. In all of the commotion, I didn’t even notice Finn enter the space until I heard him asking Clarke what to do.

“Round up everyone who had contact with Murphy. Bring them here.” She instructed and Finn immediately rushed out to do her bidding.

“And everyone they’ve had contact with.?” I heard Bellamy questioning her order and my stomach lurched. I could only imagine how extreme things would become if he had any input.

“Well, we have to start somewhere.” Clarke answered in annoyance. “Connor, who was with you when you found him?” I heard her grilling another sick person and rolled my eyes at her complete lack of empathy. “Who carried him in? Think.” She demanded. The response was slow and when he finally spoke, his voice was quiet. 

“The first one there was Octavia.” He confirmed in a gravelly voice. I felt my stomach twist in response and I observed Bellamy over my shoulder with wide eyes.

“No, she can’t have.” I gasped in denial as I felt fear gripping my chest.

Without a single word, Bellamy rushed from the ship and I was still trapped, forced to wait nervously. I continued to nurse Murphy as he gradually got worse, but I could hardly think straight over the panic in my mind. After a few moments, Bellamy dragged Octavia into the shop and Clare began checking her over. By this point, many other people were arriving and the space was quickly becoming crowded. I waited anxiously for an answer from Clarke, as she shined a flashlight in Octavia’s mouth. 

“Okay, we’re done.” She announced and I immediately rushed over to find out what was happening. “No visible signs of swelling or bleeding.” She explained and I peeked up at Bellamy to see him holding a rag over his face. If I weren’t still furious with his behaviour today I’d scold him for even being in here, but I knew that like me, when it came to Octavia there was no reasoning with him.

“So you’re saying she doesn’t have it?” Bellamy asked hopefully and I found myself hoping alongside him.

“I’m saying she doesn’t have symptoms, like Indigo. But that could change. We need to keep her here too, just in case.” Clarke reported in a matter of fact manner and I mentally thanked every force I could for keeping her healthy so far.

“No way. Look at this place. She’ll get sick just being here.” Bellamy argued against the order and for the first time today I actually agreed with him.

“Seriously Clarke, she can’t be here.” I blurted despite my reluctance to agree with Bellamy and he glanced at me, quickly looking away when he saw that I noticed.

“Do you want to stop the spread or not?” Clarke probed in an exasperated voice and Bellamy scanned the sick people filling the room reluctantly. “Look, I’ll keep her on the third level with the people who aren’t symptomatic yet.” She clarified but it was clear that he still wasn’t convinced. “Think of it as a way to stop her from sneaking out again.” She reasoned and I studied her suspiciously.

“Screw you Clarke.” Octavia spat and I smiled at her attitude. Clarke shrugged in a tired response and I realised that she seemed to be getting worse too. 

“I’ll let you know if her condition changes.” She promised and Bellamy finally nodded in agreement. I hid my relief when he finally left the ship and it wasn’t lost on me that it took the promise of containing his sister to motivate him to agree to keeping her here. Octavia stepped to climb the ladder but Clarke turned immediately to stop her. “Octavia stop.” She blurted and I watched with interest, already feeling that Clarke was up to something. “I need you to sneak out again.” She divulged and I couldn’t contain the words that fought their way from me.

“No, absolutely not.” I growled as I stepped in front of Octavia defensively in an effort to shield her from Clarke’s plan.

“We need to know if there’s a cure. If she can get to Lincoln, he may have an antidote, like last time.” Clarke reasoned as she addressed me and I spied her with an expression of disbelief.

“_ If _ she can get there! In case you forgot, the woods are filled with grounders who want us dead.” I argued as I stepped closer into her space in a threatening manner.

“I can do it, I’ll be back as soon as possible.” Octavia answered, taking advantage of the slight additional distance between us now. She rushed from my reach before I could stop her and although I moved to catch her up, she practically ran out of the dropship. Clarke stepped into my path with a wavering attempt at a firm look. 

“Indigo, people are dying, she’s our only chance.” Clarke appealed to me and I glared at her in fury, pacing like a caged animal.

“This was a mistake, and lying to Bellamy about it is even worse. He trusted you to keep her safe.” I spat in disgust. “I’m sick of everyone in this camp involving me in their lies.” I breathed but I was interrupted by the sound of Murphy choking again. I tore myself away from Clarke to tend to him again, despite wishing that I’d been able to fully express my disappointment with her decision.

Clarke rounded up some of the more able members of the quarantine to remove the bodies of those who had already succumbed to the infection. She followed them out whilst I looked after Murphy in an effort to stop myself obsessing over Octavia. I started to lightly cough and when I returned my gaze to him, Murphy was staring at me with alarm.

“Your eyes.” He gasped. I rubbed the edge of my eye and glanced down at my hand to find tears that were tinted with a slightly pink tone. Murphy leaned over to grab a clean rag and wiped away any trace of the fluid. I smiled at him gratefully and got to my feet. 

I quickly walked to the entrance in search of Clarke. I was driven by a need to tell her that her immunity theory wasn’t looking promising, as I now panicked that Octavia could have developed symptoms whilst alone in the woods. I stepped just outside of the doors and found Clarke standing on the ramp to the ship talking to Bellamy from a distance. As I wandered out, Clarke turned around to head in and clocked my presence with a worried expression.

“Octavia, you okay?” Bellamy called upwards and Clarke met my eyes in pure panic. When he didn't receive an answer, he moved to storm into the ship and I stepped past her to block him from entering. I couldn’t allow him to put himself at risk, especially only to find that he’d been lied to. 

“She’s not here Bellamy. Clarke sent her to look for Lincoln, against my advice.” I answered with bitterness, glaring at Clarke in annoyance. I was done with helping to keep secrets. She turned reluctantly to face him and he glowered at her viciously. 

“Look, if there’s a cure, he has it.” She tried to justify her decision but he seemed thoroughly unimpressed with her excuse. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t let her go.” She admitted in a small voice causing him to scoff.

“If anything happens to her, you and me are gonna have problems.” He growled, before turning on his heel to stomp away from us.

“Us too.” I spat, crossing my arms at her. “You should have trusted him with the decision. He’s more reasonable than you give him credit for.” I stated firmly. Despite my outrage at his behaviour today, I didn’t appreciate her treating him like a wild animal. 

A commotion in the crowd drew my attention as Bellamy yelled at someone to get to the dropship. I scanned the faces until I found the person who was coughing up blood and I calmly walked over to them. At the same time, another person fell to the ground on the other side of the gathered crowd. I could hear a panic overtaking as people started to frantically rush out of the way, but I kept my focus on the guy who was now bleeding profusely from his eyes. As I reached him, I wrapped an arm around his waist to support his weight and assisted in getting him to the ship. As the screaming grew louder, I could feel the camp descending into chaos around me but I resisted the urge to look around or involve myself in any way. Clarke appeared at the entrance of the dropship with a large gun and fired multiple shots into the air to draw the attention of the crowd. I was nearly at the door by the time she took control and ignored her opening speech. I struggled inside and placed the person I’d supported down into a comfortable position with others who could tend to them. I straightened myself up and started marching toward the gate to exit camp with purpose. I heard Bellamy violently disarm someone who was foolish enough to point a gun at Clarke, but I didn’t stop moving due to fear of drawing attention to myself. 

“Not to state the obvious, but your quarantine isn’t working.” Bellamy addressed her firmly and I breathed a slight laugh.

“Finn don’t touch her!” I heard Raven call out in a panicked tone. I glanced over my shoulder to see Finn running over to catch Clarke as her knees buckled and I rolled my eyes at his foolishly romantic nature. Just as I reached out to touch the gate Bellamy appeared beside me, holding it closed to stop me from leaving. 

“Where are you going?” He grilled as he surveyed me in a state of disbelief. I fidgeted on the spot as I squirmed under his intense gaze.

“To find Octavia before this madness gets any worse.” I explained as I tried in vain to push past him but he put a hand on my arm as he spoke again.

“You’re supposed to be in quarantine.” He stated firmly as he raised a brow at me and I was surprised to find that the tension between us from earlier seemed to have dissolved.

“Then you probably shouldn’t be touching me.” I replied, glancing down at his hand with a sly smile and he stepped back with a reluctance in his eyes. “She’s been out there for too long, I need to find her. I’m not sick, I can do it.” I insisted as I lied through my teeth in the hope that he couldn’t see any hint of the tears that Murphy had wiped away earlier. As they were only slightly tinged with red, I felt I still had enough time to recover Octavia and get back before my symptoms worsened. He leaned back to allow me to leave but before I could move, the gate swung open to reveal Octavia who pushed past the two of us without a word.

“There is no cure.” She announced in a flat tone as she drew the attention of the camp. “But the grounders don’t use the sickness to kill.” She clarified, causing the sounds of confusion to echo from the crowd. Bellamy strode over to her in irritation and I stayed rooted to the spot, unwilling to put myself in the middle of them again. 

“Really? Tell that to them!” He argued, as he pointed to the pile of bodies that had just been carried from the ship. “I warned you about seeing that grounder again.” He hissed in a disappointed manner and I found myself relieved that I hadn’t been a part of that conversation. 

“Yeah well, I have a warning for you too.” She spat, looking at him with the same furious disdain she had viewed me with yesterday. “The grounders are coming! They’re attacking at first light!” She yelled, earning several gasps and cries of panic from the camp. I felt myself tense in response to this information and Octavia turned to face me with wide eyes. “Indigo, your eyes!” She gasped. I put a hand to my eyes and found red tears again, which were significantly more vivid than when they had started earlier. 

“Shit.” I hissed, before holding up a hand to keep her away. “Don’t touch me, I need to get back to quarantine.” I ordered firmly and couldn’t help feeling frustrated that my symptoms had worsened so quickly. Octavia inspected me in worry, but I waited for her to move first in an attempt to keep her at a distance. She sighed and started to walk away, but instead of taking herself away from infected people she approached Finn, glancing back to check that I was following. 

“Come on, I’ll help you get Clarke into the dropship.” She suggested as they started to carry Clarke between them. I slowly plodded through camp and towards the ship, finding the short journey back far more difficult than I did the first time. 

“How many bullets can you make by first light?”

I heard Bellamy speaking to Raven as I passed them and I got the strange sensation that everything was happening in slow motion. I felt my legs shaking and my vision gradually blurred until I couldn’t make out my surroundings. Before I could reach out to anything to support myself, my legs gave way and I dropped toward the ground. I was surprised when I didn’t feel an impact and instead seemed to be rising higher. I felt myself being cradled and squinted to my side to see Bellamy regarding me in concern. It took me a moment to understand that he had caught me and was clutching me to his chest in a bridal style carry.

“Stop!” I tried to sound assertive but my voice came out quiet and croaking. “Don’t touch me, you’ll get sick.” I hissed whilst I tried to push him away.

“Too late to worry about that now.” He tried to force a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes, which still scrutinised me with worry.

“No it’s not, put me down and rinse your hands in alcohol.” I ordered and although it sounded authoritative in my mind, my words came out breathy and soft. I wiggled in an attempt to get away from him for a second, before my arms dropped limply and I felt my head tipping back. I had no energy left to move at all and hung in his arms like a ragdoll.

“Let’s get you inside.” Bellamy answered gently, carrying me toward the dropship.


	23. Tʀᴜsᴛ Is Eᴀʀɴᴇᴅ, Nᴏᴛ Gɪᴠᴇɴ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** I Aᴍ Bᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ Dᴇᴀᴛʜ

Bellamy pushed open the curtain covering the doors to the ship with my feet and walked carefully to avoid shaking me any more than he had to. I was shocked at the tenderness in his movements, especially considering how volatile I’d been to him this morning and it was reassuring to find that nothing had changed between us. Bellamy paused once inside, clutching onto me tightly as he scanned the room for somewhere to position me. Murphy rushed over, examining me with an air of guilt.

“Shit, not you too.” He hissed and his eyes revealed his sympathy for my condition.

“I’m fine Bellamy, you need to get out, please.” I begged, staring up at him with pleading eyes. He shifted reluctantly on the spot, refusing to loosen his grip and I tried my best not to breathe directly onto him.

“You can leave her with me.” Murphy offered with a tender voice, leaning out to take me from Bellamy’s arms. Bellamy took a rapid step back, removing my weak body from Murphy’s reach and eyed him suspiciously. 

“You’re still sick, you should be resting.” He spat and although his words were reasonable, I could tell from his tone that he wanted to be aggressive and was attempting not to attack Murphy whilst I could witness it. 

“Octavia says it doesn’t last long and she’s right, I’m feeling better.” Murphy explained and I inspected him with concern. It wasn’t long ago that he was trembling and vulnerable, and it didn’t feel right to burden him with me. He noticed the hesitation in my face and turned his attention to me. “You took care of me, now let me return the favour.” He compelled and I couldn’t help contain my worry which continued to fill my face, despite how awful I was feeling. “I can take her from here man.” Murphy regarded Bellamy again in an attempt to reason with him. I peeked back up at my carrier and noticed that he still seemed to be guarded, glancing from me to Murphy with a conflicted expression. 

“Bellamy, please.” I pleaded hoarsely, hardly able to get the words out. “Put me down and get out while you still can.” I begged as I started to run out of ideas. I was all too aware that every second he spent here, especially in such close proximity to me, only increased his risk of catching it. I couldn’t bear the thought of watching him suffer and I was terrified that the illness would kill him. Just at the right moment, I heard the panicked voice of Octavia calling from the other side of the room. 

“Bellamy, what are you doing in here?” She rushed over toward us and as she neared, her gaze fell on me. She looked both interested and terrified at the same time, before sighing deeply at my worried face. “If he’s not sick already, he’s probably immune like Finn and I.” She reassured with a soft tone and I was glad that she knew me well enough to see exactly what my concerns were. “Even so, you can stop clinging to her Bel. Murphy and I will make sure she’s taken care of.” She declared as she turned her attention to Bellamy and the ordering tone in her voice seemed to finally reach him. 

As he assessed me, I hoped that the additional presence of Octavia would convince him that I was in safe hands. He leaned forward to transfer me into Murphy’s waiting arms and although he strained to take my weight in his weakened state, Octavia assisted him in carrying me. Together they took me to the last available hammock and they were careful to settle me in comfortably. I felt nauseous from the movement and by now I could barely keep my eyes open, but I continued to battle to remain conscious. Octavia rushed to grab some water and helped me to take slow sips. Murphy appeared at my other side with a damp rag and gently used it to cool my burning face, as I had done to him earlier. As soon as he could see that I was being cared for, Bellamy reluctantly strode from the ship. I glanced to my side to see Finn tending to Clarke worriedly and I couldn’t help feeling frustrated to see that he was still in here. 

“You two are fine.” I conceded as I looked at Murphy and Octavia. Murphy had already been sick so I assumed he was no longer in danger and Octavia had already been around sick people for hours without any symptoms. Finn on the other hand had only spent a few minutes of fleeting contact with Clarke and I worried over the risk of his continued place at her side. “But Finn, you need to be leaving too. There’s no room for any more heroics in here.” I suggested in a gentle tone as I tried to appeal to him, but he looked back at me in annoyance.

“I’m not leaving Clarke.” He spat through gritted teeth and I understood that I was probably the last person he wanted to hear from at this moment. 

“They’re going to need as much help as they can get out there.” I reasoned as I continued to try to make him see sense and I noticed that Clarke was asleep anyway. “And I’d appreciate if you could fill in as the voice of reason for Clarke and I so that Bellamy doesn’t do anything too stupid and reckless.” I gazed over at him with pleading eyes and he seemed to be considering my words carefully. Octavia considered him with an encouraging smile. 

“We’ll take good care of Clarke.” She stated as she assessed him. “She’s looked after everyone else, she’s earned it.” Octavia confirmed and I was pleased to have her supporting me. Murphy seemed to clock on too and turned from me to face him. 

“Look, at this rate when the grounders get here, there won’t be anyone left to fight back.” He spoke in an even tone, shrugging at him in a way that implied that he would have to make his own decision, before returning to my side. Octavia moved to take water to another sick camp member, crouching down to help them drink. 

“That’s the point.” She commented, looking at Finn as she worked. It was interesting to see the two of them working together on something. 

“Then we slow them down.” Finn answered determinedly and I was surprised to see that he planned to be helpful. He stormed out of the ship with purpose and I tried not to wonder what he was up to. I sighed in relief at his departure, glad to know that someone relatively sensible would be keeping an eye on Bellamy for me. I squinted at Murphy with heavy lidded eyes. 

“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.” I smiled earnestly at him and he fidgeted, unsure how to accept the words. “But you should seriously be resting, not carrying people around.” I scolded and I could tell from his posture that carrying me had exhausted him. 

“You’re the only reason I had the chance to feel better, I really do want to return the favour.” He smiled thankfully and I was surprised by the genuine tone in his voice. “You got sick because you wouldn’t leave me to suffer, even after you realised I was contagious. So now I’m not gonna leave you.” He continued to cool my face with the rag and I was too drained to fight him any more.

I was struggling to keep my eyes open and the heat poured off my skin. My breathing was laboured and difficult through the fog of the infection. I could feel myself slipping into sleep when I suddenly bolted forward and retched loudly. My whole body surged violently as the thick red liquid spewed out and Murphy held back my hair whilst I cleared it from my system. Once I’d finished, I leaned back into my hammock and he wiped my face clean. 

“I feel disgusting.” I groaned quietly and I couldn’t help feeling embarrassed that he was tending to me when I was in such a state. Murphy smirked slightly at my words, but I noticed that it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Welcome to the club.” He chuckled lightly under his breath and I felt as if there was a deeper meaning to his words. “That’s the worst of it out. Just try to rest.” He spoke encouragingly and I felt the heaviness of sleep pulling me under before I could do anything else to fight it.

***

When I next opened my eyes, I couldn’t see Murphy or Octavia. I laid staring at the ceiling for a while, feeling the dizziness of the illness pinning me to the hammock. I heard movement and coughing, and Octavia cried out. 

“Clear some space! Lay him down.” 

My heart skipped a beat at the tone in her voice and I was convinced from her panicked words that Bellamy had just been bought in. I struggled in an attempt to sit myself up and as I managed to lift my upper body, my head felt as if it weighed ten times its usual weight. The whole room spun around me as I dragged myself to my feet and I couldn’t focus enough to see what was going on. I was sure that I heard Bellamy’s frantic voice, but before I could take a single step, I was intercepted by a blurred form that grabbed my shoulders.

“Indigo, what are you doing? You’re not well enough to be on your feet yet!” I heard Murphy’s concerned voice, but couldn’t focus on his face.

“Bellamy…” I mumbled through the haze in my brain. “I heard Bellamy.” I forced myself to speak the words in a strained voice.

“Octavia is with him, she’s taking care of him. Now let me take care of you.” Murphy insisted, lifting me back into the hammock with some strain. I felt the support of the hammock underneath me again, but before I could move back into a reclined position, I lurched forward to vomit again. Once I’d finished, I laid back and felt a tear sliding down my cheek. My vision finally cleared enough to see Murphy’s worried face, but everything beyond him was still a blur. He wiped gently at my face to clean me up before helping me to drink some water. 

“Get some sleep, you’re nearly through the lowest point.” He spoke softly and his voice was the last thing I registered as I fell back into unconsciousness. 

***

I opened my eyes and was immediately relieved to find that the heaviness in my head had gone. I wiped my brow and noticed that my fever seemed to finally have broken too. I sat up and found that Murphy was immediately at my side. He felt my forehead and inspected me in surprise. Now that I felt clearer, I fixed him with a scrutinising look and rushed out my request for an update before he could tell me to rest. 

“Octavia and Bellamy?” I questioned firmly and he smiled in amusement. 

“Bellamy’s out cold and I sent Octavia for a break, she was looking after people all night. Pretty much everyone’s asleep so I can manage on my own for now.” He answered as if responding to a command, winking at me. “You seem better already, that’s quicker than anyone else.” He leaned to his side to call out to someone. “You might want to check this one over.” He announced before he moved out of my view and Clarke took his place. 

“You burned that out quickly.” She commented as she felt my forehead. She used a flashlight to check my eyes and mouth, and I struggled to concentrate on her as I could hear Bellamy refusing to take water or accept any help from Murphy. Clarke studied me skeptically. “You seem fine and I can see that you’re desperate to go to him. Just take it easy.” She ordered with a worried tone and I nodded in acceptance. I carefully got to my feet and took a moment to check that I was stable before moving. I was relieved to finally see Bellamy sat up on a makeshift bed facing Murphy, who was clearly stressed by how difficult he was being. 

“When I get better, if you’re still here-” As I neared them, I caught Bellamy’s words. I crouched down and tapped Murphy on the shoulder. 

“Take a break Murphy, I’ll deal with this trouble maker.” I smiled reassuringly at him and he took the opportunity to scamper away. I sat just in front of Bellamy and his face softened when he saw me. I picked up the water container and handed it to him in a firm voice. “Here.” I spoke in a way that was more of an order than a request. He took it from me but didn’t drink from it, instead analysing me with a fond look. 

“You look better than when I last saw you.” He smiled at me with relief in his eyes and I felt myself gradually relaxing now that I’d seen he was alright.

“Bellamy, are you saying that I looked bad last time you saw me?” I asked in a feigned offence. He flashed a tired smile back at me and I tapped his arm that was clinging to the water bottle. “Drink up, you need to stay hydrated.” I insisted and waited whilst he took long sips of water, sitting in a comfortable silence. I’d been so afraid for him when I last woke that I felt relieved just watching him.

“Have you seen Octavia?” He grilled and scanned around the room as if he feared he had simply missed her.

“She was looking after people all night, Murphy sent her to get some sleep whilst he covers.” I explained and watched as his face hardened at the mention of his name. 

“Murphy, you two seem to be getting on better than ever before.” He said bitterly and I sensed the same hint of jealousy that I had this morning when I’d been tending to Murphy. Although I understood how this might look to him after I’d ran out of his tent, I was still surprised to find him behaving this way. I couldn’t believe that he would think there was anyone else that could replace him. “Don’t tell me you trust him now?” He asked accusingly and I knew that this was a loaded question. 

“It’s not that simple.” I sighed and he observed me closely as I spoke. “He’s been through a lot worse punishment than we would ever have given. What’s the point in continuing to harm? When does it end?” I tried to speak in a compelling manner, but his face remained unchanged.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” He stated impatiently as his eyes burned into my face.

“Trust is earned, not given.” I answered in a poignant tone as I met his eyes and I knew that he’d understood my meaning when he smiled warmly back. “It’s only fair to give him a chance to earn his place here.” I added carefully, ensuring that I didn’t imply that there was anything more between us. Before he could decide whether to argue with me about this, Clarke appeared at my side.

“How are you feeling?” She enquired as she appraised him and although I didn’t appreciate her interruption, I was glad for her to check him over.

“Better than I did.” He answered evenly as his eyes flitted back to me and I smiled at this small indication that he felt interrupted too. “Are you feeling better?” He asked politely and she nodded in response. He sighed as he pondered the space which was now filled with camp members who had fallen sick during the night. “It’s almost dawn, better get everyone inside. If we lock the doors maybe the grounders will think we’re not home.” He reasoned and I raised my brows at him for immediately returning to business when he was clearly still sick.

“Not everyone’s sick?” Clarke questioned and I couldn’t help but feel annoyed at her for encouraging him.

“Sick is better than dead.” Bellamy insisted firmly.

“You don’t think Finn and Jasper are gonna pull it off?” Clarke asked and I raised a brow at her. I wasn’t sure what harebrained scheme they’d come up with now and I decided that I didn't have the capacity to deal with it. 

“Do you?” Bellamy replied with uncertainty and Clarke took a moment to consider her answer. I tried not to allow my mind to wander over what Jasper could have gotten himself into this time in the silence.

“I’ll get everyone inside.” She sighed reluctantly before slowly getting to her feet. Bellamy moved to get up after her and I put a hand on his chest to stop him. 

“No you don’t.” I declared firmly as I held him in position and I almost laughed at the sheer confusion on his face.

“I have to help.” He tried to argue but his voice cracked as he spoke, only further confirming to me that he hadn’t fully recovered yet.

“You’re still sick, I don’t care what’s going on out there, you need to rest.” I maintained my grip on him despite the annoyance in his face and scrutinised him with a disapproving expression.

“I can’t just sit here Indie, it’s almost dawn.” He stated and I raised my brow at him.

“And there are plenty of people who have already recovered who can deal with that. _ You _ are going to help by getting some sleep and recovering, so that _ when _ Jasper and Finn pull off whatever you’ve planned, you’re ready to help us pull this camp back together.” I insisted but he still moved to get up again. I pushed on his chest and as he was still weak, I was easily able to force him back into a seated position. 

He flashed me a frustrated glare and opened his mouth to argue, but instead was suddenly sick again. I moved out of his way so that he could lean forward, worried that he would choke otherwise as I’d seen happen to several others. I took a seat at the head of the bed, rubbing his back to comfort him.

When he’d finished, he was weak and flopped backwards toward me. I guided him to lean back into lying down with my hands on his shoulders and brought his head to rest in my lap. His skin still poured with heat and I grabbed a cloth to wipe around his mouth. I smoothed his hair away from his face to put a damp cloth on his forehead and continued stroking his hair soothingly. “I-I need to help Clarke.” He stuttered in a hoarse voice as he stared up at me in an unfocused gaze.

“You’re no help to anyone like this.” I scolded, but it was clear to me that he still hadn’t given up on the idea and I worried that he might try to jolt to his feet at any moment. “Murphy!” I called out and was glad when he immediately rushed over to my side. “Can you wake Octavia and ask her to help Clarke to bring people inside?” I requested with a thankful smile and he nodded, heading into the back of the ship. “There, Clarke has help, now will you relax?” I suggested firmly to Bellamy and he sighed deeply. He didn’t say anything in response but his shoulders seemed to drop their tension and his head rolled back into my lap. I kept the cloth on his face to bring his temperature down and threaded my fingers through his hair calmingly. “I told you to stay away from me, I didn’t want you to get sick.” I muttered, regretful that this had happened to him. I hated seeing him this way and the very sight of him suffering tugged at my heart strings.

“No regrets, it was worth it.” He voiced and I smiled down at him fondly. It felt natural this way with him and I didn’t have to consider how to soothe him, it seemed like something I was made to do. “How much sleep have you had recently?” I grilled, worriedly surveying his exhausted form. He always seemed to be involved in everything that happened in camp and I wondered if he ever allowed himself the time to sleep.

“Do I look that bad?” He remarked and tried to laugh, despite looking awfully ill. I couldn’t help but to admire his resilience. 

“I didn’t say anything about looking bad. You’re putting words in my mouth.” I retorted coyly with a bashful smile and he scoffed at my words.

“I’m sweating and covered in my own sick. And you’re messing up my hair.” He commented as he clocked me in pretend annoyance. “It’s okay, you can say it.” He drawled and I was impressed at his capacity to keep things playful and comfortable, despite how sick he was feeling. I couldn’t even see straight at this point in my sickness. 

“And yet you could give the guys in this camp a hell of a competition.” I answered honestly and surprised myself when I involuntarily smiled at him flirtatiously. “I’m sorry, did you want me to stop ruining your carefully crafted hairstyle?” I teased, taking my hands away and earning a look of disappointment.

“I didn’t say that, now who’s putting words in whose mouth?” He spoke roguishly, moving my hands back to his hair like a cat who wanted to continue being petted and I laughed as I returned to playing with his hair, watching his eyes flutter closed in response. I admired him thoughtfully, enjoying the look of him with his hair swept back. It allowed me to see more of his face, that even whilst he was pale and sweaty, was still hypnotising to me. I felt a pang of nostalgia as I observed him. 

“I think it kinda looks like it did when I first saw you, when the ship landed.” I mused thoughtfully, threading my fingers through his locks. “Except not quite as smooth as it was then.” I admitted with a lilt of amusement. He opened his eyes to assess me and I could identify the glimmer of mischief in his gaze.

“You remember what I looked like Indie?” He emphasised with a teasing tone and I felt a slight rosy blush in my cheeks at his remark, but smiled at him regardless. 

“Of course, it wasn’t that long ago. It just _ feels _ like we’ve been here forever.” I commented in a nonchalant manner and he shrugged as much as he could manage in his weakened state. 

“It sounds to me like I made an impression.” He suggested confidently earning a bark of laughter from me.

“You always do.” I breathed with a giggle and he observed me with a plain enjoyment. “You need to get some sleep Bel.” I instructed gently, despite feeling as if I could stay in this position with him forever. I moved to stand but he gripped my hand as if he were clinging to life itself.

“Stay with me.” He requested in a small, pleading voice and I examined him quizzically. “I’m afraid.” He admitted in a low whisper and I felt his hand shaking in mine. I remembered how terrified I felt when I woke in the middle of the night and my firm expression crumbled. I settled back into place and he made himself comfortable, turning slightly onto his side so that he could grip my leg for security. I smoothed his hair back into place and stroked at his face with a featherlight touch until he dropped off to sleep. I was surprised when he slept through the commotion of people filing into the ship and I managed to keep anyone from waking him for a while. It was clear that he needed the rest and I was determined to give him as much time as I could. In the middle of the migration into the ship, there was a distant explosion and Bellamy bolted awake. 

“What the hell was that?” I hissed in shock as I stared toward the doors.

“They did it.” Bellamy breathed simply as he sat up and I leaned around to get a look at him. 

“Of course your plan was to blow something up.” I remarked with a fond smile as he turned slightly to face me. I was relieved to find that he was back to his normal colour and no longer sweating. His eyes were still red but he looked as well as Clarke and I did. “You look like you’re feeling better.” I sighed thankfully and noticed that he glimpsed back at the doors out of the corner of his eye. “Okay, I can see you itching to get out there, go investigate. Just do me a favour and take it easy.” I added, releasing my grip on him. He smiled gratefully at me before rushing to his feet and straight into the perils of camp. 


	24. Mᴏᴏɴsʜɪɴᴇ Rᴇᴠᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** I Aᴍ Bᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ Dᴇᴀᴛʜ

I wandered the ship, checking that all of the sick camp members were tended to before heading outside for the first time in almost 24 hours. I was relieved to feel the fresh breeze on my skin and arrived outside just as the camp celebrated the gates opening to reveal Monty and Jasper. I cheered loudly and waited at the end of the line of people who had gathered to congratulate them. As they walked, Jasper put an arm around Monty’s shoulders and I was pleased to see that the tension I’d noticed between them in the last few days seemed to be dealt with. I saw Octavia nod in acknowledgement to Jasper, and felt some residual nerves release inside me. I was pleased to witness peace returning to our small, makeshift family. As they reached the end of their victory greeting I strode over to meet them, maintaining my distance as I worried that I might still be contagious. 

“Well look at you two, my boys are heroes.” I chirped with a warm smile as I gazed between them. Despite my caution, they both surged forward to embrace me in a group hug and I laughed openly at their reaction. I squeezed them tightly and spoke quietly enough for only them to hear. “I’m so glad you two didn’t get sick, I don’t think I could’ve taken much more.” I breathed as I stepped back to view them both with relieved tears in my eyes. 

“We were really worried about you.” Jasper admitted quietly as he scanned me with worried eyes. “It sucked not being able to come in to check on you.” He admitted as his brows furrowed together and I smiled at his concern.

“I saw Bellamy on the way in, he’s looking better. And you and Octavia are good too. We’re all still kicking. Sounds to me like you can relax.” Monty suggested and I sighed, releasing tension from my shoulders that I hadn’t even realised I was still holding onto.

“Sounds like I can.” I remarked with an easy tone. “How did it go out there?” I enquired as I remembered that I still didn’t know what had happened.

“I’d like to say smoothly, but is that ever really the case?” Jasper joked as we walked further into the camp together. “Only this camp could decide that blowing up a bridge was the best plan.” He detailed and I raised my brows at him in stunned horror. Although I was relieved that they’d found a way of stopping the attack, I couldn’t believe that Finn had suggested something so insane. I made a mental note to myself not to trust him to be the rational voice for me again.

“It was pretty stressful all round.” Monty admitted. “If I’m honest, I’d say Raven was the big hero, she delivered the bomb even through the sickness.” He clarified and I snapped my attention to him.

“Raven’s sick?” I asked as I glanced around the camp. I hadn’t seen her come back as I was too distracted with the boys and I felt a forming in my gut.

“Yeah, she looks like she’s in the thick of it.” Monty informed and I shuffled on the spot in concern. “From what I can tell, she’s pretty upset with Finn too and I’d say she has every right to be.” Monty added and I studied him with a smug smile.

“You _ are _ a gossip aren’t you?” I giggled and he shrugged awkwardly. I shook my head at him disapprovingly before glancing over to the dropship in concern. Raven and I had a turbulent relationship since she arrived, but I sympathised with her. If I’d risked everything to get to my boyfriend only to find that he was with someone else, I’d be pretty unpredictable too. I wandered to the ship and as I entered Finn stormed past with a devastated expression. I quickened my pace, worried that she had potentially died from sickness and was relieved when I found her safely lying in a hammock. She was quietly crying as I approached and I carefully pulled up a seat to settle beside her. 

“Hey, I heard there was a camp hero in here.” I drawled with a light smile in an attempt to lighten the heavy mood that was in the air and she clocked me in surprise. I moved from her side momentarily to fetch a damp cloth and gently wiped at her brow to soothe her. “Sounds like you’ve had a tough day.” I added softly and she started to cry again at my tender words. 

“You can say that again.” She whispered, before meeting my eyes with her large watery set. “I just broke up with Finn.” She admitted with tears freely rolling down her cheeks. I gazed at her with understanding and could hardly contain my sympathy for the unjust situation she’d found herself in.

“I’m sorry Raven, this whole situation has been shitty to you.” I commented as I wiped away her tears to comfort her. “I wouldn’t suggest it right now as we should be keeping you on the soft stuff whilst you’re so dehydrated, but once you’re better, I’m thinking you and I and a bottle of moonshine. We can talk all about how shitty Earth is.” I squeezed her hand as I spoke and she forced a tearful smile. I brought a drink of water, then wiped her face again and she started to drift off. I stayed to keep her company until she was soundly asleep.

I took the opportunity to check on Murphy now that he was lucid and in less pain. He was in a better state of mind for me to be able to properly treat his wounds and so I dedicated some time to him. He removed his shirt to reveal the full extent of his injuries and I flinched at the sight of his abused body. I spent a while cleaning each wound with moonshine whilst he grimaced and tried not to allow my pity to show. I gave my best attempt at thoroughly disinfecting the burn on his shoulder and dressed it, but it was difficult with our limited resources. Once I’d finished cleaning him up I retrieved a fresh shirt for him that wasn’t full of holes and he thanked me. He still obviously appeared to be badly beaten, but I’d done everything I could and I knew that I now had to just give his body time to heal.

When I left the ship it was dark and I felt a heavy exhaustion calling me to my tent. I dragged myself there slowly, practically collapsing face first into the blankets as soon as I entered. I was only there for a few minutes and had just started to doze when I heard a rustle at the tent door. I sat bolt upright and came face to face with Octavia.

“So this is where you’re hiding.” She stated as she glanced around awkwardly. I nodded in response and waited anxiously to see if she’d come here to argue again. We sat in silence for a few tense minutes whilst she silently seemed to struggle to decide if she could speak to me. “Look, I know a lot has been said between us and I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but I almost lost both my brother and my best friend today. I realised that you’d both die thinking that I hate you and I just need you to know that I don’t.” She revealed as she met my eyes with a tearful expression and I reached out to pull her into the tent so that I could hug her. I was so tired of the conflict that I embraced the first sign of peace as tightly as I could.

“I’m sorry that I yelled at you and I’m sorry if I made you feel that I was choosing Bellamy over you.” I whispered as I gripped her close to me and I felt her squeezing me in return. “You know how much I care for you, but I’ve come to care for him too and I’m really trying to do my best by both of you.” I divulged and realised that I no longer cared what I had to admit in order to fix the rift between us. When she sat back to face me, she smiled in understanding. 

“I know, I shouldn’t have put you between us, it wasn’t fair. I remembered today what was important to me and I don’t want to lose you.” She sighed deeply and I could recognise tension in her shoulders as she considered her words. “I’m glad that you’re honest with me, even when I don’t want to hear it. I’m sorry that I attacked you for that.” She clarified and I was immediately relieved by her words. Although she wasn’t hugging me anymore, we still stayed close in each other's space and her hands gripped my arms as if she was afraid to let go of me. “Can I stay here with you tonight?” She requested in a small nervous voice.

“Of course you can.” I breathed and I watched as tears slid down her cheeks. “Is something else going on?” I enquired with a growing concern in my chest.

“Lincoln is leaving, he asked me to go with him but I couldn’t. I belong here with all of you. I just had to say goodbye.” She struggled to get the words out between sobs and I pulled her into me. I laid back with her and wrapped her up in blankets, tucking her in beside me. We laid face to face and I reached out to brush away her tears. It was strangely nostalgic, we used to bundle up together like this whenever she could sneak into my room on the Ark to comfort each other. 

“I’m so sorry Tavi, I know you care about him.” I acknowledged and I could tell from her expression that my understanding of her feelings for him was a comfort for her. “God, it’s been a real day of it.” I muttered absent-mindedly and she scrutinised me in confusion. “Raven broke up with Finn earlier, I think she was sick of watching him make puppy dog eyes at Clarke.” I explained and for the first time I witnessed sympathy in her face for Raven. 

“I don’t blame her.” She sighed and her brows furrowed together as she reflected on the information. “I wish it was possible to not have feelings for anyone. As soon as you get involved with someone it just leads to hurt.” She grumbled and I nodded in agreement. She sat in thoughtful silence and I enjoyed being peacefully in her company again, feeling as if a part of me had returned to its rightful place. “I’m sorry for what I said about you being too scared to act on your feelings for my brother. That was uncalled for.” She offered and didn’t look at me as she spoke. I sighed deeply and felt my heart swell in appreciation for her apology.

“It’s alright.” I answered evenly and took a sharp breath before deciding that I needed to confide in her as much as she needed to confide in me. “I’m starting to believe you weren’t wrong.” I admitted solemnly and she grimaced.

“Well now I’m even more sorry.” She groaned with a remorseful expression. She then brought her eyes to mine and gave me a gently encouraging look. “What are you afraid of?” She questioned calmly before she fidgeted into a comfortable position and prepared herself to listen for the long haul. “Apart from the obvious fear of getting your heart stomped on, it’s not like this camp is giving you many examples of successful romance.” She smiled playfully, before returning to a serious expression. I thought about my answer for a while, trying to untangle the complicated web of feelings in my head. 

“I’m not sure, I guess being vulnerable or not in control?” I admitted, finding it difficult to navigate to the root of the problem.

“Hmm, those are both perfectly valid, healthy fears.” She commented with an understanding shrug. “The question is, don’t you think the payoff might be worth the risk?” She grilled and I considered her words. “Do you think you will live to regret not taking a chance at being happy with him? Because from what I’ve seen, you’re drawn to him and he’s equally drawn to you.” She explained earnestly, causing me to sigh deeply and close my eyes. 

“I...I don’t know how to...how do I know what he wants?” I thought aloud and when I opened my eyes, she was observing me with amusement dancing in her eyes.

“Well, next time you’re alone, try flirting a little and I’m sure he’ll tell you one way or another.” She answered with a smug smile and she couldn’t contain a slight giggle as I reached out to slap her arm playfully. She cleared her throat and forced herself back into a serious tone. “Surely he must have done something to indicate one way or another by now?” She suggested and I fidgeted awkwardly, before remembering one of her comments during our last fight about transparency. If I couldn’t be totally honest with her, then there was no one could I be honest with. 

“He asked me to stay with him.” I admitted in a quiet, mousy voice as I avoided her gaze. I felt her eyes grow wide but she held her tongue. “He was about to kiss me when I freaked out and left.” I added, squirming on the spot at the uncomfortable words. Octavia looked thoroughly gripped now, as if this was both the most exciting and painfully frustrating story she’d heard in a long time. 

“Why?!” She gasped before resting her face in both hands, propped up on her elbows to analyse me eagerly.

“I don’t know, I panicked.” I answered in a defensive manner, then I sighed and met her eyes with an excruciating vulnerability. “You know I’ve never _ been with _ anyone, I’ve not even been kissed. I don’t want my first time to be some meaningless night that he will throw aside like it’s nothing when he decides he’s interested in someone else.” I admitted with a niggling feeling of embarrassment. “I know it’s a totally different situation, but watching how my mum was abused...it’s left me with a strange fear of intimacy. I have no issue with people wanting to keep sex casual and light, but for me….I want it to mean something. I don’t want my body to just be used for someone to enjoy.” I confessed. I felt as if I had just both bared my soul to her and finally reached the truth of the issue for myself. She studied me in sympathy. 

“I get that, you don’t want to get used and thrown away.” She sighed and then her face fell into a reflective look. “I can’t speak for Bellamy, I don’t know what is going on in his head. But I can tell you that he cares about you and he treats you differently to anyone else in this camp. I really think there is something between you, but if you want to know for sure, you’ll have to speak to _ him _ about it.” She said in an attempt to give wise advice.

“That’s not the answer I wanted to hear.” I groaned, covering my face with my hands in embarrassment and she laughed.

“Or you can just take a chance with your feelings like the rest of us!” She added. “You can’t always be in control, and sometimes you have to risk being vulnerable. Your choice, my friend.”

We chatted wrapped up in the blankets together for hours, catching up on everything that had happened in the time we’d been fighting. She told me in detail about her first time with Lincoln and much to my embarrassment, every other time too. I mostly wanted the ground to open up and swallow me as she covered the events with a microscope. I couldn’t deny that it helped to know that she’d experience a similar anxiety in being with someone for the first time and it still turned out fine. She badgered me to tell her the whole story of what happened in Bellamy’s tent until I finally agreed. Although she covered her face in embarrassment over thinking about her brother that way, she sympathised with my awkwardness. We laughed, shared our tears and eventually fell asleep bundled up in blankets together.

***

I woke early the next morning to find the camp practically empty except for the few people who were still on guard duty. I grabbed a simple breakfast from our supplies and refilled my water canister as I searched for a spot to eat. I noticed one of the exhausted guards staring out into camp as if he were waiting for someone and quickly discovered that the next person had failed to turn up for their switch over. I volunteered to cover so that they could get some well earned sleep and made my way to the spot on the edge of the woods that they had been guarding.

Although I took guard duty seriously, we hadn’t seen any activity in days and I ate my rations whilst scanning the trees. I wasn’t sure for how long I sat out there, staring into the unmoving woods and I found a sudden appreciation for the people Bellamy had assigned to do this on a daily basis. I watched the sun rising higher into the sky, wishing that it would bring us warmer weather instead of continuing to punish us with frigid temperatures. 

Something moved in the trees and I bolted to my feet. I held my breath as I stared out, praying that I had simply imagined it. The forest was painfully quiet and I kept perfectly still to not create any sound. A few seconds later, I heard something rustling followed by footsteps and my stomach dropped. I glanced back at the camp to consider calling for help but I didn’t want to cause alarm unnecessary.

Reluctantly, I pulled out my pistol and pointed it at the trees. I fell into stance as Bellamy had taught me, frantically reviewing the training session in my mind. I crept through the trees at an agonisingly slow rate, approaching the spot where I’d last seen the movement with a growing pit of anxiety in my stomach. I couldn’t decide if this was the correct thing to do and I hoped that it was simply an animal, but the fear inside me continued to imagine grounders leaping out at any moment.

I caught movement as I neared and jumped in reaction. I had to force myself to take a slow, steadying breath as I crept closer to the spot and was relieved to find nothing there. I lowered the gun and sighed in relief as I turned to return to my post. Suddenly, I came face to face with a female grounder who whacked me in the head, causing me to drop onto my hands and knees. I quickly rolled sideways to avoid the next hit and once on my back, I scrambled frantically backwards until I crashed into the tree.

Desperate pants wracked my chest as the grounder stepped closer with her spear raised up and I realised I had dropped the gun. I glanced over to see that it was out of my reach and my terrified mind provided no suggestions on what to do. The grounder inched into my space and I held my breath as my body shook all over. They seemed to be considering me, analysing my face with a disbelieving interest. For whatever reason, they had paused their attack and I finally forced myself out of my frozen state. I reached behind me for the dagger in my belt and held it out in front of me defensively. 

Before either of us could act, the sound of gunfire interrupted from behind me and a bullet flew past the grounder. She startled, jumping away from me and I sprung to my feet, continuing to hold the knife in front of me. She stared at me for a few moments longer with a reluctant expression until voices called out to me, causing her to turn and disappear into the trees. I stayed rooted to the spot in confusion, too frightened to move. I could hear rushed footsteps as several other guards ran over to me and I heard Bellamy’s frantic calls seconds before he appeared at my side.

“Indigo, what happened? Are you hurt?” He breathed as he grabbed my face to check me over, before then running frantic hands over my body to search for injuries.

“No...I-I’m fine.” I stuttered, coming back to my senses at the sight of his worried face. “There was a grounder, she ambushed me.” I detailed in a dazed manner.

“Where is she now?” He growled as he scanned the area with a furious expression.

“The gunshots scared her off.” I explained, staring out in the direction that she left for any sign of her. “I don’t know why but...she just stopped attacking.” I revealed, still processing my thoughts and Bellamy looked confused as he studied me closely.

“Why would they do that?” He questioned, seeming every bit as bewildered as I felt and I shrugged back at him. “What were you even doing out here?” He investigated and his tone implied that I was in trouble. 

“I was guarding camp, someone didn’t turn up for their watch.” I answered, glancing back to see the other guards that had come to my rescue spreading out to comb through the woods.

“You’re not a guard Indie.” He fixed me with an annoyed expression and I could tell that he wasn’t impressed. He noticed the pistol on the ground and bent to scoop it up, before handing it back to me. “Don’t let me find you out here again. Come on, let’s get you back to camp.” 

***

I kept myself busy in camp for the next few days, helping to rebuild after the chaos of the virus. We continued to reinforce our protections and all of the brainiacs worked night and day to try to come up with creative ways to use the limited supplies that we had. I found it challenging to concentrate on anything properly, as I obsessed over the strange actions of the grounder. I couldn’t fathom any reason why she would stop attacking and it was only made more bizarre by the absence of any follow up attack. 

By the second evening, I realised that Raven hadn’t left her tent at all in days. I knew that she likely needed a distraction as much as I did, so I grabbed some moonshine directly from Monty’s latest batch, entering her tent with a wicked smile.

“Hey little miss workaholic, can I interest you in some good old fashioned sorrow drowning?” I suggested as I waved the bottle at her enthusiastically. She glanced at her work space, then back at me and shrugged. 

“Fuck it, let’s do it.” She smiled at me with a hint of mischief and I was relieved to see that she hadn’t lost her humour. 

For my first drinking experience I took it slow, but Raven downed the cups with no hesitation. She told me the whole story of her and Finn, and I called him every name I could think of in my mildly drunk state. I’d only had a few drinks, but it was enough to loosen my lips on any topic. We enjoyed petty gossip and bitched about many frustrating members of camp, laughing ourselves into a stupor. I sighed in contentment. 

“Seriously Raven, I know it probably doesn’t feel like it right now, but I really think you did the right thing. You’re too good for Finn.” I slurred and she smiled at my words.

“You know, I really think I just need to fuck him out of my system.” She replied, taking a long sip of moonshine and I cackled at her bluntness.

“You do whatever you need girl, he’d have no right to comment.” I rallied in support of her plan and definitely blamed that on the drink.

“Bellamy’s been quite interesting around me recently.” She commented and I felt a knot growing in my stomach. “Are you still happy for me to climb that tree, or did you finally take up climbing yourself?” She asked with a sly expression and I froze in horror as I tried to think of an answer. Even in my drunk, honest state I didn’t know what to say to that question. “I’m kidding, I don't have any interest in other people’s men, that’s Clarke’s department.” She added and I almost choked on my drink as I snorted in laughter.

“You’re even more of a savage than I first realised!” I breathed, feeling moonshine pouring from my nostrils as I wiped my face. “I love it.” I confirmed with a playful wink and she rolled her eyes at me. 

“God are you really going to ignore the most important part of that?” She groaned, peeking at me in annoyance. “I know he’s _ your _ man, I'm just dying to hear you admit it!” She probed insistently and I fidgeted under her scrutiny. 

“I don’t know if I can consider him ‘my man’ when we haven’t even kissed.” I admitted, feeling a rosy blush spreading over my cheeks at my involuntary honesty.

“What? Why?!” She gasped as she stared at me in disbelief. “He is so into you he may as well have it tattooed on his forehead.” She cackled and punched me playfully on the arm. “And if you’re shy you can always let him make the first move, he doesn’t seem to have any problem taking girls back to his tent from what I’ve heard.” She sipped her drink and glanced at me judgmentally.

“It’s not that easy.” I groaned. “I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m nervous. I’m not like you, I can’t just walk up to him and be like ‘hey why don't you take me back to your tent and ravage me?’” As I got the last words out, we descended into a fit of laughter that lasted for a long while. By the time we stopped, I was clutching at my sides and Raven was crying.

“Oh god, you have _ no _ game!” Raven snorted, before forcing herself to speak evenly again. “I’m not that confident either, not really. The most important thing, especially the first time, is the illusion of confidence. There is nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants and is determined to get it.” She advised and I stared back at her in amused disbelief.

“The problem is, I didn’t know what I wanted when it counted most.” I sighed and she tilted her head at me. “He already tried to make the first move and I ran out of there like the tent was on fire.” I admitted, noticing that this was significantly less embarrassing to discuss with the addition of alcohol. Raven visibly facepalmed in reaction. “Look, I didn’t want to be just another conquest. If I’m gonna be with someone, I want it to mean something.” I added defensively and she shrugged. 

“Then make sure that he knows you are the _ best _ he’s going to get. Keep him coming back for more.” She stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and I snorted in laughter. “Next time you see him, just walk up to him, grab his shirt, pull him down to you and kiss him until he can’t breathe. I personally guarantee you that he’ll do the rest.” She winked at me and then made finger guns, causing herself to snort at her own hilarity.

“Yeah, right.” I chucked under my breath, rolling my eyes at her.

“Indie, you just need to get that man into bed before he stops trying with you.” She warned, downing the last of the moonshine and fixing me with an analysing look. “Anyway, now that Bellamy’s off the table, I need to figure out who to bone Finn out of my system with.” She thought aloud. I sniggered in response, enjoying her frank attitude. I always knew with Raven that what you see is what you get and after all the drama and lies recently, I appreciated that about her. 

“You know, you and Jasper have pretty good chemistry.” I suggested causing her to smile deviously.


	25. Bᴜʀᴅᴇɴs Oғ Lᴇᴀᴅᴇʀsʜɪᴘ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇs:** Tʜᴇ Cᴀʟᴍ; Wᴇ Aʀᴇ Gʀᴏᴜɴᴅᴇʀs - Pᴀʀᴛ 1

When I dragged myself out of the tent the next morning, I felt awful. I had returned last night when Raven finally passed out and was hopeful that our time together had lifted her spirits. I was definitely regretful about some of the information that I’d shared with her and I certainly didn’t feel that I’d gained any valuable insight from her. In the least, I felt that I’d gained a friend and been able to relax in her company for an evening.

I wandered into camp in search of something to eat to soak up the alcohol that still burned in my stomach. I noticed that the smokehouse they’d been building over the last few days seemed to be functioning now and I stepped in to investigate whether anything was ready for the taking. Instead, I arrived at the perfect moment to witness a camper I didn’t recognise causing grief for Octavia and Murphy as they tried to work. 

“You get that from your boyfriend grounder-pounder?” He spat as I hovered in the doorway and was about to storm inside when Murphy blocked my entrance with his back to me. It was clear that he hadn’t even noticed that I was here and I observed with interest to see how he would deal with the situation.

“She’s right, a hot fire is not gonna preserve the meat as well.” Murphy suggested calmly and I was impressed thus far at his reasonable behaviour. Before his exile, this would easily have descended into a fight and I was glad to find that he truly seemed to have grown from his experiences.

“You can’t take the heat? Get out of the smokehouse.” The camper jeered at Murphy and I felt my temper rising. “You should be kissing our asses for being allowed back in this camp.” He spat with a peek at Octavia to clarify that he included her in this statement. “Just keep working.” He ordered in an arrogant manner. In a moment of rage I grabbed the hood of his jacket and dragged him backwards out of the smokehouse, throwing him to the ground. I walked around to his feet so that he could see my face and his eyes grew wide. 

“Get out of my sight, you insignificant cretin!” I hissed furiously and he scrambled to his feet in a panic to rush away. I leaned back into the small space to see Murphy and Octavia watching in amusement. “Sorry about that, just really not in the mood for bullshit from these arrogant wankers today. You two good in here?” I queried with a concerned look between them, but they nodded back and continued working with entertained laughter. “Alright, if either of you get any more shit you let me know; I live to bring Bellamy’s idiots down a peg.” I drawled as I decided not to bother them.

I went to our ration stocks and collected a small pack of berries and some water, and settled in a quiet spot of camp for my conservative breakfast. I had only just finished eating when I heard raised voices. I got to my feet to glance around inquisitively, but then I heard someone shout fire and broke into a run. I turned the corner to discover that the smokehouse had been completely consumed by flames. My heart skipped a beat until I noticed Octavia being assisted out by Bellamy and Murphy on his knees beside her. Octavia was already being thoroughly checked over and so I rushed toward Murphy, who was doubled over. Before I could reach him to tender his reaction, he had jumped to his feet and launched himself at the obnoxious camper that I’d scared off earlier.

“This is all your fault, we told you it was too much wood!” He yelled, as he began pummeling the bully in a furious outburst. I was shocked by his reaction and paused in my tracks. I hadn’t expected him to lash out and his behaviour was a familiar glimpse into the old Murphy that made me squirm in discomfort. Fortunately Bellamy was quick to get between them whilst I hesitated in my thoughts. At the sight of him struggling to pull them apart, I strode forward and grabbed Murphy’s arm to drag him away so that Bellamy could focus on the other party.

“Stop! Save it for the grounders!” Bellamy urged as he pushed at the camper to give me some space. Murphy whirled around to face me in a rage and I caught him by his shoulders. 

“Hey, stop, it’s me!” I gasped nervously and he paused in surprise as he registered my face. “He’s not worth it, we’ll sort this out. Are you hurt?” I asked, quickly examining him for any new injuries whilst he observed me in a disbelieving fashion. After a few moments of shock, he nodded in answer and I guided him with a gentle hand on his arm, leading him further from the fire to get some fresh air.

“Bel, now what the hell are we gonna do? That was _ all _ the food.” Octavia cried in exasperation, as I marched Murphy out away from the confrontation. I decided that it was more important to remove him so that the fight didn’t resume and allowed Bellamy a chance to deal with the fire.

I took Murphy for a walk to cool off his temper and spent some time rechecking his wounds to ensure that none of them had started to get infected. I was pleased to see that he was healing nicely and his face had begun to fade to mostly just bruises and scrapes. Once I was sure that he wasn’t likely to cause a scene, I wandered back to the smokehouse to find that the fire had been put out. It was devastating to see that pretty much the whole structure was gone, wasting several days of work on both building it and gathering food. I noticed Bellamy picking through the remains and approached him at the same time as Clarke strode over opposite me.

“Any idea what happened?” She enquired and he glanced around at her. She drew his focus enough that he didn’t notice my presence behind him. 

“Murphy says that Del kept feeding the fire, mostly because Octavia told him it was a bad idea.” He answered in a bitter tone and I sighed, causing him to startle.

“And we believe Murphy?” She remarked, inspecting us both in question. I opened my mouth to speak but quickly closed it again, unsure if I wanted to argue with them over Murphy again already. I knew the easiest thing would be to allow him the time to prove himself instead of pushing them to trust him, but it seemed that the other members of the camp were going to make this challenging. I studied Bellamy’s reaction and waited with interest for his answer.

“I do, yeah.” Bellamy surprised me with his words and I couldn’t contain a satisfied smile. I peeked over at Clarke but she still wore a skeptical expression.

“I can back him up in that I overhead Del being a colossal dick to both him and Octavia this morning and had to throw him out on his ass. He must have come back after I left. I’m sorry, I thought I had dealt with it.” I explained awkwardly and Bellamy chuckled at my explanation. I enjoyed knowing that I had proved that I didn’t need his protection and I had a feeling that he found my antics entertaining now that he’d stopped fussing over me.

“We have some wild onions and nuts in the dropship. It’s only enough to last us maybe one or two weeks.” Clarke commented in a disheartened manner. “What’s left here?” She queried worriedly.

“Nothing. It all burned.” Bellamy replied solumnley, as he straightened to a standing position and she sighed in response. I noticed Raven out of the corner of my eyes and as I turned my attention to her, she spotted me with a coy smile. She glanced at Bellamy, then back at me with a raised brow. She then mimed the action of pulling him down by his collar and I blushed heavily. I turned my back on her and met his waiting eyes with a startled expression. 

“I-I have to go.” I stuttered, rushing away without another word. I returned to my tent and paced around in a flustered attempt to calm myself. I was there for a while, as I struggled to convince myself that nothing had changed and that things weren’t weird between us. The tent door opened and Bellamy stepped in with a relaxed attitude. 

“There you are. We’re sending as many groups as we can out hunting. We need to save bullets so only one gun per group, just in case of grounders. I’m pretty good with a spear so I just need someone to cover my back, want to lend me your killer aim?” He smiled flirtatiously and I stuttered to find any words for a response. I knew it would look stranger if I didn’t go, as usually I wouldn’t think twice about covering his back if he needed it. 

“Sure, let me just grab some supplies and I’ll meet you in camp.” I replied as casually as I could manage and he grinned before stepping out. As soon as he was out of sight, I dropped into a crouch and put my head in my hands with a dramatic groan.

***

Bellamy and I walked through the woods in a tense silence. It was unusual for things to not be comfortable between us and I knew that he could tell something was wrong. A mixture of Octavia and Raven’s words rang around in my mind and I could hardly concentrate.

“Are you alright Indie? You seem off today.” He glimpsed over at me with a raised brow and I held my breath in nervous anticipation. I didn’t want to admit that it was anything that involved him and wracked my brain for something believable.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a bit of a headache.” I answered in a poor excuse. It wasn’t technically a lie, my head was still pounding but it definitely wasn’t the cause of my behaviour.

“Have you drank enough?” He asked with a hint of concern in his voice, indicating to a flask on my belt. I couldn’t help a little flutter in my chest at his worry and tried to quash it down.

“Oh, I’ve drank plenty.” I muttered thoughtfully and he tilted his head at me in interest. “I was up pretty late last night with Raven. There may have been a little moonshine involved.” I admitted reluctantly and he laughed openly into the fresh air.

“I thought we agreed to have our first drink together?” He winked playfully and I chuckled awkwardly under my breath. I was surprised that he’d remembered this offhand comment of mine and was glad that the other girls hadn’t heard this; I dreaded to think what they would read into it.

“I wouldn’t exactly say I got _ drunk _, it was just a little taste.” I pouted guiltily under his scrutiny. “I can’t say the same for Raven though.” I confessed as I reflected on the sight of her passed out last night.

“That would explain why she was so aggressive this morning.” He thought aloud. “What spurred you to turn to drink, Indie? I thought you were too much of a control freak for that.” He teased and I thinned my eyes at him.

“Raven’s had a tough couple of days, I wanted to try to cheer her up.” I justified. “And I’m not a control freak.” I added, elbowing him playfully.

“Right, sorry.” He breathed as he chuckled under his breath and spoke in a mocking apologetic tone. “You just...how did you put it...you like to be in control?” He glanced over at me suggestively and I blushed furiously. 

“Alright you, stop distracting me. Let’s find something to eat.” I blurted as I cut him off in a poor attempt to hide my embarrassment whilst he just laughed in delight.

***

I was relieved to return to camp after a successful day of hunting and parted ways with Bellamy gladly. Once we’d moved past the awkwardness and managed to laugh together, it was like normal but unfortunately even our normal was changed by my constant internal monologue. I headed toward the tent and spent some time reflecting on the events of the day in an effort to stop the frantic thoughts. After brooding for a while, I decided to gather my things to move back to my original tent with Octavia. I stomped through camp with my limited possessions in my arms when I almost walked straight into Raven as she stepped out of Jasper and Monty’s tent. I jumped to a halt, before viewing her with suspicious eyes. 

“Any better?” I grilled with raised brows.

“No.” She groaned and I gazed sympathetically at her. She scanned the pile of stuff I was carrying with a hopeful interest. “Please tell me you’re carrying all that stuff because you _ finally _ got that booty and he’s asked you to move into his tent?” Raven interrogated with a wicked gleam in her eyes. “I just really need some good news right now.” She added pleadingly.

“Sorry to disappoint, but no. If anything, your comments have just made me doubt every little thing I say or do.” I declared accusingly and instead of being apologetic for the effect she’d had, she simply rolled her eyes in exasperation. I decided to leave her to it and continued on my path back to Octavia’s tent. I was surprised to find that she wasn’t in, but busied myself with unpacking. It didn’t take long and just as I was about to put the gun away, Octavia burst in. 

“Oh you’re back here!” She smiled, panting. “I was looking for you. Clarke, Finn and another kid didn’t come back from hunting. We’re going to look for them, are you coming?” She explained and I sighed as I tucked the pistol back into my belt. 

“Lead the way.” I answered, following her from the tent. We joined with Bellamy, Raven and Monty and marched into the woods. I couldn’t deny a sense of dread in my stomach, it seemed we couldn’t do anything for camp without causing some kind of disaster. I hoped that the missing group had simply got lost on the way back but I knew it was unlikely to be that simple for us.

“We’ve got walky-talkies now so we can split to cover more ground.” Bellamy explained as we started in the direction that he had assigned the hunting group. “Octavia, you picked up some tracking from Lincoln right?” He enquired bitterly and she nodded in response. “Okay, you go with Raven, Indigo you’re with me, that leaves you solo Monty.” He handed out the radios and Monty shrugged in acceptance. “Let’s bring them home.” He ordered with determination and we split into our groups. He gave everyone a direction to search and explained which point we would reassemble.

Bellamy and I walked in a concentrated silence, and I gripped the pistol tightly as I stared into the darkness of the trees. I kept my eyes trained for any signs of movement whilst Bellamy searched for any signs of them. We kept moving for a while before we heard from any of the other groups. 

“I thought you said you were heading West. Where are you?” Monty’s voice crackled on the radio and Bellamy rolled his eyes at me before responding.

“Just keep the moon on your left and you’ll find us.” He replied impatiently and I chuckled under my breath. After the psychedelic nuts incident I had hundreds of possible jokes about Monty looking for the moon, but I knew that this wasn’t the time. We carried on in the direction Bellamy had chosen for a few moments more but we hadn’t found any signs of anyone coming through here. 

“Is anyone else hearing this signal?” Monty spoke through the radio again and Bellamy ignored it, continuing to stalk ahead. I didn’t question it as I could sense the tension in him and tried to focus on the task in hand.

“Just keep your eyes open.” Raven responded in a firm tone that was clear even through the radio.

“I think it’s the same thing we heard on the black box.” Monty responded and this time Bellamy grabbed his radio from his belt in annoyance.

“Damn it Monty, pay attention.” He warned and I could sense his growing frustration. “Do you see anything?” He prompted and peeked at me in concern when he didn’t receive a reply. “Report.” He insisted and I stopped on the spot to watch him nervously. The radio screeched before blasting out static and I regarded Bellamy with wide eyes.

“What happened? Where’d he go?” I breathed, feeling panic overtaking me as I considered what we could have just heard happen to Monty. Before he could answer me, Raven's nervous voice echoed from the radio. 

“There’s someone in the bushes.”

Bellamy bolted into action and I followed him anxiously. Our boots pounded the ground as we jogged in the direction that Raven and Octavia were assigned and I found myself praying that we would bump into Monty along the way. When we caught up to the girls, we found them crouched down in the bushes and I leaned over to see one of the young guys from camp lying on the ground. 

“Clarke and Finn, where are they?” Raven quizzed and as I assessed the boy that laid in the grass, I noticed that he had a large wound in his chest. I took a sharp breath as I analysed its location and quickly understood how lucky he had been that it missed his heart. It seemed to be a similar wound to Jasper’s when we first arrived and I hoped that this would indicate a high chance of survival for him.

“Grounders took them.” He managed to choke out and Raven’s face contorted as if she might throw up from guilt. I studied her sympathetically as I reflected on her earlier antics.

“Take it easy.” Bellamy instructed gently in a low voice as he addressed the young man. “We have to get him back to camp.” He declared as he glanced over his shoulder at us.

“Bel, what about Clarke and Finn?” Octavia questioned with a reluctant look.

“He’s badly wounded, we can’t just leave him out here.” I whispered just loud enough for those around me to hear in an effort not to alarm the young boy. I could understand the conflict between him and searching for Clarke and Finn, but we couldn’t be sure how long it would take to find them and I didn’t feel that the wounded boy would last long in the grass. Raven scanned around the trees, her face revealing that she was praying to see Finn appear. When her hope didn’t materialise she sighed and turned back to face us. 

“We need to make a stretcher.” She stated and immediately busied herself with finding supplies in what was, to me, a clear attempt to distract herself from her worry. 

“Monty we’re heading home. You copy?” Bellamy spoke into the radio and I waited in suspense for some kind of confirmation that my dear friend was safe. He caught sight of me with an uncertain expression. “Monty, can you hear me?” He radioed again and I felt myself growing anxious as I fidgeted on the spot. “Monty...Monty where the hell are you?” His voice became insistent and I turned to face the other two girls who mirrored my terrified expression. “Report.” Bellamy called out one more, before stowing the radio on his belt with a regretful expression. “If they’ve got Monty they’re close, we need to get back to camp. Now.” He asserted firmly, but I recognised the hesitation in his eyes that wasn’t clear to the others. 

The journey back to camp was silent and panicked, as we struggled to carry the young, wounded Myles between us. As soon as we got back to the edges of our land, some of Bellamy’s men jogged over to meet us. They took Myles from our exhausted grip and carried him to the dropship for treatment. Bellamy rounded up a small group from the camp and called us over to join. We followed him to the perimeter of camp, just outside of the fence that was our own minimal defence from attack. 

“Raven, we need to get our defences started _ now _, we haven’t got any more time to waste.” He remarked in an attempt to pull her out of the quiet panic that she’d been lost to since we had to turn back from our search for Clark and Finn. “Pick the people you need to help you with landmines, everyone else will be working on foxholes and tunnels.” He announced to the small force that he had assembled.

I waited patiently to be assigned a role whilst Bellamy spread guards across the area. He ensured that we had eyes on every possible angle that we could be approached from whilst we were vulnerable outside. Raven returned from her supply run into camp with tools to hand out. She chose Jasper and I to assist with landmines, releasing everyone else to Bellamy’s command. We set up in positions far enough from each other that we could safely work without being at risk of blowing each other up and she gave a quick demonstration of what to do. It was slow work, only made more difficult to concentrate on in the dark, especially after such a long day. My mind wandered over what had happened to Monty, creating scenario after scenario of all the gruesome things the grounders could be doing to him. Although I had not always gotten along with Clarke and Finn I worried for their safety too, hoping that they would all find a way to return to us. I longed to be out searching for them, but I understood Bellamy’s plan and I felt that it was sensible to not risk sending anyone else out into the woods.

I heard Raven’s bitter voice behind me and realised that she was clashing with Bellamy again. She’d been tense with him since he called off the search and I could sympathise with her distress; if it was Bellamy out there I knew that I’d stop at nothing to find him. However, the mounting tension was only further fueling the stress of camp. I sighed as their discussion grew heated and walked toward them to try to diffuse the growing argument. Instead I was stopped in my tracks a few steps away by a gunshot that stunned me back into an alerted, hyper awake state. Bellamy turned on his heel and stomped in a rage toward the guard who fired it. 

“Hey! What the hell is the matter with you?” He spoke in an accusatory manner and the guard shrank into him as if he might die on the spot.

“I’m sorry man, I-I fell asleep.” He stuttered, his posture revealing how mortified he was. “I’ve been on watch all day.” He commented causing Bellamy to snap and grab him by his jacket. 

“We’ve _ all _ been on watch all day! That bullet was one less dead grounder.” He snapped, shaking him as he yelled in his face. He breathed raggedly, hardly able to get his words out in his overflowing anger.

“Bel, you’re scaring people.” Octavia remarked as she attempted to appeal to him, but it was clear to me that it was already too late for that. I could recognise from his tone and jumpy behaviour that the stress of the situation had pushed him over the edge.

“They should be scared!” He spat, throwing the guard to the side before turning to address the watching camp members. “The bomb on the bridge bought us some time to prepare, but that time is up! The grounders are out there right now, waiting for us to leave and picking us off one by one when we do!” He declared and people shifted uncomfortably in response to his behaviour. He paced around making angry gestures, but I could feel that he was lashing out due to fear. “Clarke, Finn and Monty are gone, probably dead.” He paused to take a sharp breath and his voice had cracked as he reeled off the names of those who were missing. His brows knitted together in exasperation and I had to fight every urge in my body to comfort him. “And if you want to be next, I can’t stop you, but no guns are leaving this camp!” He yelled and I watched as people startled, gazing around at each other in surprise. “_ This camp _ is the _ only _ thing keeping us alive!” His last words gave out to desperation and it felt to me that he was pleading with people to work with him. He stared out into the crowd, and they met him with only frustrated expressions. “Get back to work.” He spat, waving a hand at them in disappointment, before storming back through the gate to camp. I waited momentarily, struggling to decide whether to follow him or to give him space to cool off. I sighed and moved to head back to work when I was distracted by a voice. 

“Indigo! We need your help.” I turned to see one of the girls from camp running over to me. “I’m sorry to put pressure on you, but I know you’ve helped Clarke before and Raven’s busy with the land mines. Myles isn’t doing so well.” She rushed with her words in a way that revealed she was clearly upset and I followed her without question.

When I entered the dropship I passed Bellamy, who was standing over a table in a stressed manner. I tried not to acknowledge him so that he could leave if he wanted to be alone and instead went straight to Myles who’d been laid on a surface against the back wall. Now that I could get a clear view of him, I realised that he’d actually been speared twice, once in the chest and once in his upper thigh. I turned back to face the girl who’d led me here. 

“Alright, I’ll do what I can. I need rags and moonshine.” I instructed calmly and she ran from the ship to get the items. “Hi Myles, I’m gonna do what I can to make you more comfortable, alright?” I spoke gently as I put a hand on his arm to comfort him. He whimpered weakly in response and I smiled at him sympathetically. The girl from earlier rushed back in and dropped the supplies beside me. She examined Myles and all of the colour drained from her face as her hands shook. It was obvious that she didn’t have the stomach to deal with this. “It’s okay, you can go now, I’ll manage this. I’m sure Raven could use an extra set of hands to fill in for me.” I said evenly and she smiled in appreciation before leaving the room.

“Myles, I’m going to do my best to clean the wounds around the spearheads and then I’ll wrap them up tight. I’m afraid that’s all I can do for you right now.” I explained and I waited for him to bring his tired eyes to mine. “I need to keep you from getting an infection until we can decide what to do next. It’s going to sting. Are you ready for that?” I checked. He struggled to nod at me and I prepared the area. I tore his clothes around the wounds to get a proper view of the damage and unscrewed the bottle of moonshine. “Okay, here we go, 1, 2, 3…” I counted him down but the moment that the liquid touched his skin, he screamed out as if he were in agony.

“Please, stop! I can’t take it!” He begged in a frantic state as if I were torturing him and I realised with horror that I’d only managed to clean one wound.

“Just one more Myles, we’re nearly done.” I tried my best to encourage him even as he manically attempted to protect himself from me. Bellamy ran over to my side and I battled my nerves as I fought to keep control of Myles whilst he squirmed around. 

“What are you doing to him?!” Bellamy interrogated, staring down at him in bewilderment.

“Trying to save him!” I hissed in exasperation as I barely stopped him from rolling off the surface. “Hold him still, I need to get to his leg.” I instructed and Bellamy followed my order without a moment of hesitation. As soon as he gripped Myles’s leg into place, I poured the moonshine over it, not wanting to stretch the experience out for him any longer than I had to. Myles howled in pain and writhed around before promptly passing out from pain. I breathed a sigh of relief at completing the task but Bellamy assessed his still form in horror. 

“What happened? Did we just lose him?” He gasped as his face fell and I sighed.

“No, he just has a low pain threshold, he passed out.” I confirmed between pants from the strain. “Thanks for the help.” I added as I smiled gratefully at him. It meant a lot to witness his unquestioning confidence in me and I felt that few others would have simply trusted my advice as he did. I started to wrap the spear tips as tightly as I could with rags whilst Myles was still unconscious.Bellamy watched me, his face the definition of pity and stress. 

“He’s just a kid.” He muttered quietly as I focused on working. He stayed by my side whilst I finished wrapping the wounds, as if he craved the company and I considered the poignancy of his words. We were all just kids when we arrived here, but the threats here didn’t care about that. I sighed thoughtfully and he clocked me. 

“We have way less options without Clarke, I don’t know if there’s anything else I can do for him.” I confessed with a pitying look and he furrowed his brow. “I was originally considering pulling the spear heads out and cauterising the wounds, but there’s no way he could manage that. Besides, I still couldn’t guarantee then that I’d be able to save him. I might end up torturing the poor kid for nothing.” I pondered regretfully. Bellamy hissed and rubbed at his forehead in a display of stress. 

“We need Clarke.” He stated in a grave voice and I turned to face him, moving his hands away from tugging at his hair. 

“Hey, try to relax.” I advised with an encouraging smile, holding one of his hands in mine and stroking my thumb along it soothingly. “What happened out there wasn’t your fault. We’ll find a way to get through this.” I assured him as his eyes met mine with a fearful expression and I could practically feel the vulnerability radiating from him. 

“They’re all looking to me to keep them safe, Indie. How am I going to do that when the grounders are picking us off, we’re running out of bullets and everyone’s too exhausted to see straight?” He breathed and held himself in a way that revealed the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“I don’t know.” I confessed with a shrug. “But you don’t have to go it alone. I’m here for whatever you need.” I mentioned and I found myself wishing that I could do more to help. He sighed and we stood in silence for a while. I kept his hand in mine and the way he was staring at me seemed as if he was using my presence and my reassurances to calm himself. 

“Do you think I should be out looking for them?” He asked in a small, doubtful voice causing me to raise a brow at him.

“It doesn’t matter what I think, I’m not the one who has to live with that decision.” I answered. I felt in my gut that I didn’t want to tell him what to do whilst he was so vulnerable. This was a big decision and it felt wrong to make it for him. “You’ve got to do what feels right to you.” I aired and was surprised when he scoffed at me. 

“Don’t give me a diplomatic answer Indigo.” He drawled and I tensed at his use of my full name. “Most of the people out there are looking at me as if I betrayed them.” He seemed momentarily annoyed, but his expression softened again when he looked at me. “I know I can trust you to be honest with me, and you’ve got good enough judgement to tell me when I’m wrong.” He explained, baring himself to me for judgement. “Am I wrong?” He spoke in almost a whisper and my heart ached for him. 

“No.” I answered without a moment of hesitation and he widened his eyes at me. “We can’t just wander around in the dark making ourselves easy targets, we’ll never find them that way, all we’ll do is lose more people.” I tried to answer based on logic, before studying him sympathetically. “It would be easy to listen to my feelings, tell you to take a search party and run out into the forest to their rescue. I won’t deny that a part of me wants to do that, but being a leader isn’t about taking the easy option. A good leader makes the hard choices, even when others don’t thank them for it.” I spoke earnestly and he managed a slight smile despite his stress.

“You always know the right thing to say, don’t you?” He breathed with a warm tone to his voice and I watched as some of the tension left his shoulders.

“Only when I’m speaking to you.” I commented before finally releasing his hand as I realised that I was still gripping it with embarrassment. “Let’s just focus on staying alive until the morning and then we can re-evaluate. Speaking of staying alive, I’d better get back to work. You know where to find me if anything changes with Myles.” I squeezed his arm on last time and left him to his thoughts.


	26. Wᴏʟғ Iɴ Sʜᴇᴇᴘ's Cʟᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Wᴇ Aʀᴇ Gʀᴏᴜɴᴅᴇʀs - Pᴀʀᴛ 1

The night seemed to drag on forever as I pushed myself to keep working. I’d lost the feeling in my hands hours ago and my eyes stung from exhaustion. I was constantly aware of the impending danger of attack from the grounders and the risk of being outside the camp walls gave me a healthy dose of fear that kept me awake. Many of the others had either given up or swapped out with someone else, leaving as one of the last few determined workers remaining in place. I was relieved when daylight broke but I knew that Bellamy would find me when he was ready to talk about next steps. I assumed that, like me, he wanted to squeeze every last moment of preparation out of camp that he could so I continued planting landmines with bleary eyes.

“Indigo!” I could barely tell where the voice was coming from through my exhaustion. I glanced around, unable to see the source of the voice but it seemed to be far away. “Indigo!” The call came again and I knew that I had definitely heard it this time. I stood up and turned towards camp. McIntyre emerged from the gate and sprinted towards me in a frenzy. “Indigo! It’s Murphy, he killed Myles and he’s taken Jasper hostage in the dropship! You have to talk to him, he listens to you.” She blurted and my stomach flipped as her words washed over me.

All feelings of tiredness dissolved and I was immediately on high alert. I bolted through the minefield without even considering the danger and sprinted into camp. I could hear shouting in the distance and my mind raced through a million scenarios of what could have happened. I was terrified that I may have misjudged Murphy and that my defence of him may have cost Jasper his life. I hoped that I could still reach him but as I turned McIntyre’s naive words over in my mind, I expected that any chance of reasoning had long passed as I considered the seriousness of what Murphy had already done. 

As the dropship came into view, I was shocked to find that the door was open and I watched in horror as Bellamy strode inside. I willed my body to move faster in a desperate effort to apprehend him but I was already at my limit thanks to the sleep deprivation of the last few days. I witnessed someone tumbling down the ramp and Octavia surged forward to catch them. As soon as she lifted them to their feet, I recognised that it was Jasper in her arms. I realised with a crushing panic that Bellamy had traded himself for Jasper’s safety and suddenly Murphy’s change in behaviour made a sickening sense. I knew in my gut that he had been biding his time to get to Bellamy this entire time and I felt a rage boiling inside of me as I threw myself at the rapidly closing ramp, bouncing off it with a thud. 

“Bellamy!” I screamed and lashed out in attacking the door, before Octavia attempted to pull me away. “Please, please tell me he didn’t just hand himself over?” I interrogated in terror as I glanced over my shoulder at Octavia and she nodded back tearfully. “God fucking damn you Murphy! If you even think about harming him I’ll tear you apart! You’ll be begging for the grounders when I’m done!” I snarled as I pounded at the door and my words came out with a fury that I couldn’t control. Octavia and Jasper dragged me backwards and I fought against them, lost to the madness of my anger. I landed on my ass and the impact snapped me out of the desperate behaviour. I panted in an attempt to regain control and instead felt myself descending into panic. I pulled my legs into my chest and my hands wound into my hair, tugging at the roots in stress. 

“This is my fault.” I wheezed, barely able to get the words out through the manic thoughts that ricochet around in my mind. “I defended Murphy, I protected him, I pushed others to trust him and now I’m going to lose Bellamy to that vile little rat.” I felt myself shaking in terror and my eyes filled with tears. Jasper crouched down and put his hands on my shoulders to steady me. 

“This isn’t your fault Indie, we’re gonna get him out of there.” He smiled reassuringly at me, despite the obvious nervousness in his eyes.

“Oh, Jasper!” I gasped, gripping him back in a wave of relief. “I’m so sorry, did he hurt you?” I ran my hands over him to check for any visible harm, hardly able to keep up with my back and forth of my emotions.

“Nothing major, considering he wanted to kill me.” He smiled and I released him from my worried grip. “Raven has found a loose panel, I think we can get in that way. Bellamy knew about it before he went in, so he’s just gotta keep Murphy busy until we can back him up. We’ll get him back for you Indie, so don’t panic yet.” He explained in a calm voice and I startled at this news. I used his steady position to pull myself to my feet. 

“I’m coming with you.” I stated firmly, wiping my face and searching for any sign of Raven in the immediate area.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” He queries as he scanned me sceptically. I could understand his concern but I was driven by an overpowering need to do something.

“Oh I’m sure, I need to get my hands on Murphy.” I insisted and I felt my voice drop to a low, dark tone as I spoke. “Let’s go.” I prompted and Jasper reluctantly led me to the back of the ship where Raven managed to pop off the panel as we approached. 

“There you are, no time to waste.” Raven called back to us, opening the hatch and crawling in on her front. Jasper crawled alongside her and as the passageway was narrow, I had to wait for them to get all the way inside before there was space for me. The very first moment that I saw an opportunity I threw myself inside and crawled through as rapidly as I could. Once I reached Raven and Jasper, there was enough space to crouch and I scanned the space for a way into the main ship. I could hear Bellamy and Murphy speaking above and my stomach lurched at the arrogant tone in Murphy’s voice.

“I’ll have to shoot through the floor. I just need to figure out where Murphy is.” Jasper whispered, frantically searching for somewhere to aim through. I fell into step with him in my eagerness to stop Murphy. Raven gripped onto Jasper’s shoulder to halt him and she nudged me to gain my attention. She indicated up at hydrazine containers above our heads and I sighed in frustration at the sight of them.

“Bad idea.” She hissed, tapping on the containers and it was clear from the sloshing sound that they made that they were nearly full. “Holy crap, there’s tons of it!” She breathed in an excited manner.

“The engines fired late on the way down.” Jasper explained as he scrutinised the containers. He suddenly turned to face Raven, catching on to her excitement. “We can make more bombs!” He gasped and I saw hope glinting in his eyes even in the darkness.

“Can we focus on how you’re gonna get me up there to kill that bastard first?” I hissed, drawing both of their attention with my exasperation. Although I was glad that we’d found something useful, I couldn’t even consider it when I knew that Bellamy was in grave danger right above me.

“Sure but from now on, no shooting. You got me?” Raven instructed, glimpsing between us both for a sign of acknowledgement. As she waited for confirmation that we wouldn’t take any drastic actions a gunshot sounded above and I flinched to face the ceiling in horror. 

“Get me up there!” I snarled as I broke into pacing around the space, examining every inch of the wall and ceiling for any possible entrance points. I felt my hands shaking as I ran them across the panels that made up the ship's interior and I knew that I was barely holding back the bubbling storm of emotions inside.

“Indie, you need to stay calm if we’re going to figure this out.” Jasper whispered as he appeared at my side and tried to slow me down, whilst Raven busied herself with some kind of fuse box behind us. I could hear Octavia’s frantic voice through the radio above as I searched and I knew that we were sharing a similar feeling of despair, although she relied on me to save Bellamy from certain death. 

“You want her to know you’re okay? Start tying.” Murphy’s condescending voice was clear even through the floor and I struggled to contain the panic as it blossomed in my chest.

“God, he’s going to kill him.” I hissed as I rubbed my head in an attempt to calm down, but I felt as if my brain might explode from the stress at any moment. I couldn’t think straight despite my desperation to come up with a plan. 

“I’m fine, just a misfire.” I heard Bellamy’s firm voice respond from above. He spoke in a way that would’ve sounded calm to most people, but I could feel the nervousness in his words and I felt myself becoming breathless. “Now, stop worrying about me and get back to work, all of you.” He ordered, pausing to clear his throat. “And tell Raven to hurry her ass up.” He added with a poignant tone. I thinned my eyes at Raven and she sighed as she continued to fiddle with the wires. 

“All right, that’s long enough.” Murphy spoke again, the cool tone of his voice sending chills down my spine. “Tie those two ends together.” He instructed and the realisation of what he was forcing Bellamy to do struck me in a wave of dread. I had to cover my mouth to keep myself from gagging as the unwelcome image of the situation above filled my mind. Jasper came to my side and put a careful hand on my arm. 

“He’s making him tie his own noose.” I whispered in clarification, feeling a hot tear roll down my cheek. “Jasper, I _ have _ to get up there, I can’t just sit and listen to this.” I hissed between panting as I felt panic overwhelming me again and my chest compressed. I hadn’t felt this powerless in many years and it was a painful reminder of the way I’d felt watching my mother suffer before I had the courage to end it.

“Raven’s working as fast as she can, she’s gonna get that door open, we’ve just got to be ready.” Jasper replied softly whilst observing me closely to see if I had calmed down. When I continued to panic, he decided to try another method. “Or you can put that devious mind of yours to good use and find us another way in.” He prompted with an encouraging smile. 

My eyes widened at his words and I slowly came to my senses as they sunk in. _ I have to find a way to get to them _. I separated from Jasper and wandered the space anew, forcing myself to tune out of the conversation above. I caught sight of a small beam of light and all of my focus honed in on it. I ran my hands along the edge of the panel where the light was coming from and could feel air pouring through. “Air vents!” I breathed, remembering that Octavia would use these to sneak around in the skybox. “Jasper, help me get this open.” I called under my breath and he rushed to my side to help me. 

Together we strained against the panel in a desperate bid to move it and I could feel that it was starting to budge. I felt confident in the knowledge that it would have been designed to open for maintenance, but the ship was so old that I doubted this had ever been done. With one last desperate push, the panel popped out to reveal a tiny passageway. It wasn’t clear where it led, but there was a bend that light shone in from. I scanned the entrance to see that there was nothing to grip and the space was directly vertical from my position. I glanced back at Jasper for suggestions and he shrugged defeatedly.

“I want you to feel what I felt, and then…” Murphy’s voice carried clearly from the newly opened space. “Then I want you to die.” My eyes widened at the words and I realised that if the sound was carrying that clearly, this passage must lead to them. I made the impulsive decision that I was getting through it, no matter what it took. 

“Jasper, boost me up.” I instructed firmly and he studied me doubtfully.

“I can’t get you up as far as the bend, how are you going to move up there?” He questioned as he scanned the space and furrowed his brows in concern.

“I’ll figure it out, we don’t have time to plan. Just get me as high as you can, then stay here and be my backup for Raven’s plan.” I demanded and my words bolted him into place. 

He lifted me onto his shoulders with a struggle and launched me up into the cramped vent. I leaned over and managed to wedge myself across the space with my back to one side and feet and hands on the other. It took constant strength to maintain my position and my body shook at the strain. I moved in tiny, controlled movements as I tried to wiggle myself upwards. It was impossible to ignore the events above now, as the sounds echoed through the chamber. I heard something being dragged across the space before Murphy’s stern voice spoke again. 

“Stand on it.” He demanded and I already had a clear image in my head of what was happening in there. I heard two steps and could see Bellamy stepping up to the noose in my mind. “Put it over your head.” My breath hitched at the next order and I urged myself to move faster, pleading with any god I could name to protect him. I was almost at the bend now, I just needed a little more time. I concentrated on keeping my grip; one wrong move now would send me flying back to the bottom and would alert Murphy to our presence inside the ship. 

“This is insane. The grounders could -” 

I heard Bellamy attempting to reason with him before shots were fired again, causing me to involuntarily flinch. I clung to the wall with every muscle in my body and could feel several beads of sweat running down my back. My legs shook in exhaustion and I took a few deep breaths in a dire attempt to calm myself.

“Put it over your head.” Murphy repeated and I breathed a sigh of relief. I took this as confirmation that Bellamy was still managing to stall him and tried to reassure myself. I had to believe that Bellamy could do this, he was holding his side of the bargain, I just had to get to him. I heard the telltale sounds of movement, before Bellamy spoke again in a frustrated tone. 

“Happy now?” He spat and I felt my panic blossoming in my chest. This could only mean that the noose was around his neck and I could easily imagine the smug expression that Murphy would be wearing. We were definitely running out of time. I finally reached the bend in the passageway and met my biggest challenge so far to manoeuvre myself onto the horizontal platform that faced me. I put one foot in the section, and one on the wall behind me and tried to steady myself. 

“You’re so brave, aren’t you?” Murphy sneered as I leaned my arms forward, stretching my body to it’s breaking point. With a multitude of muscle tearing movements, I launched myself forward and splayed onto the next section. I peeked up to find a grate just above me and took in a sharp intake of breath. I was almost there. “I mean, you came here thinking you’re just gonna turn this whole thing around, that you were stronger than me and maybe one of your friends would come and help you.” Murphy continued rambling in a taunting manner and I shifted onto my knees to reach the grate. I tried to simply lift it in vain hope, but I was quickly disappointed to find that it was screwed down. I grabbed the knife from my belt and began slowly turning the bolts with the point of the blade. 

“Well, what are you thinking now Bellamy?” Murphy sneered as I realised that I could see into the space now and was horrified by the scene before me. Bellamy stood on a crate with a noose made from several seatbelts around his neck and Murphy gripped the other end with childish delight. He yanked gleefully at it causing Bellamy to shift onto his tip toes, desperately clinging onto the crate for balance and I could hear his strangled gasps for air. My hands were trembling again and I cursed my fear for slowing me down. Bellamy struggled to keep his hands inside the noose to protect himself and Murphy paced the room, enjoying the act of watching him. 

“You know, I’ve got to hand it to you Bellamy. You’ve got ‘em all fooled.” Murphy moved tauntingly close as he spoke and I descended into screaming in my mind. I was still only on the first screw. “They actually look up to you almost as much as they look up to Clarke. Yeah, well, we know the truth, don’t we? You’re a coward.” He spat just as the first screw finally came out in my hand. I quickly moved onto the screw in the opposite corner, hoping that if I could just get enough movement I may be able to prize it open. 

“I learned that the day you kicked out the crate from beneath me.” He remarked with bitterness filling his voice. I moved much more frantically this time. My nerves were dissipating now that I knew it was possible to get the screws out with my knife. My fingers bled from my grip on the blade but I carried on without any consideration. “Isn’t that what you said? That you were just giving the people what they wanted, right?” Murphy continued with his verbal attacks and I found myself growing annoyed with his words as well as furious with his actions. The version of Bellamy that he wanted to punish no longer existed; he’d grown so much since Murphy began his exile that it felt as if he were punishing the wrong man.

“I should have stopped them.” Bellamy breathed and I could hear the regret in his tone. I couldn’t help worrying how this level of guilt could affect his mental state and I hoped that he would be able to remain focused.

“Yeah, it’s a little late for that now.” Murphy retorted and I kept working on the second screw. I prayed that Bellamy could keep him busy for just a little longer.

“You think they’re just gonna let you walk out of here?” Bellamy questioned and I was thankful that Raven informed him of the plan in advance so that he knew to keep Murphy talking. I doubted there would’ve been much conversation here otherwise.

“Well, I think the Princess is dead...but I _ know _ the King’s about to die, so who’s really gonna lead these people, huh? Me, that’s who.” He spat confidently and I struggled not to scoff out loud. I berated myself for falling for his act. He was undoubtedly delusional if he truly believed that the camp would treat him as a leader after this. “And yeah, maybe I'll have to kill your grounder-pounder little sister-” He began in a jeering tone and I knew in the seconds before it happened that Bellamy was about to lash out. 

When he kicked at Murphy, it signalled that I was out of time. I knew that as soon as he stopped focusing on keeping him distracted, it wouldn’t be long before he was killed. Murphy jumped back out of his reach and leapt at the end of the rope, pulling it tight. Bellamy’s boots barely grazed the stall now and he snatched at the noose in a panic. I inhaled sharply as I witnessed the moment unfolding in horror, when the second screw finally dropped out. 

“Of course, I might have to kill your crazy girlfriend too...but then again, she seems pretty fond of me since I got back, so maybe I’ll just keep her as a pet.” He provoked. I felt sick to my stomach at his insinuation and I was repulsed by the idea that I’d given Murphy the impression of interest as well as causing Bellamy to react in jealousy. I was about to thread my fingers through the grate to prize it open when a spark from below caused Raven to cry out. Murphy quickly realised that they were not alone in here and he glanced down at the floor with a sadistic smile. 

“I’m guessing that’s her right now, looks like I’ll have to kill her after all.” He drawled, storming over in the direction of the sound and firing randomly at several sections of the floor. I put my hands over my head and curled into a ball, anxiously waiting for the gunfire to stop. I heard the sound that Bellamy had trained me to recognise as a gun jamming and I decided that stealth was no longer an option. 

I slid onto my back, unable to see the two men any longer and risked kicking the grate. It lifted slightly and so I kicked it at full force with both legs over and over. I was shocked that the loud clanging sound of my attack didn’t draw Murphy to investigate and I became aware of Bellamy choking with a wave of dread. Between kicks I recognised the sound of a punch and hoped that it was Bellamy turning the tide. There was a slight creaking that echoed from above as I finally kicked the grate free, sending it flying out of sight and I frantically scrambled through the opening. As the room came into view, I spotted Murphy manically climbing the ladder out of the corner of my eye, but I couldn’t focus on him as my attention landed on Bellamy. He was hanging from the noose in a limp fashion with his face pointing at the ground in a lifeless expression. 

“No!” I screamed in horror as I pulled the pistol from my belt. I hadn’t fired it since he trained me and felt nervous as I pointed it in his direction. I remembered him telling me that the time would come when I would need it and how he praised my excellent aim when I had the right motivation. I couldn’t think of any motivation that could ever be stronger and so pointed the gun at the clasp on the belts, took a deep breath and fired. As the bullet bounced off causing the belt to snap open and release Bellamy, I ran forward to catch him before he could hit the floor. I was unable to take his weight and so I used my body to soften the impact, lowering him to the ground. I laid him flat on his back and he stared up at the room, remaining perfectly still. 

“Breathe! Please Bellamy!” I shrieked as I pleaded with him but nothing about his lifeless demeanour changed. I straddled him in preparation to do CPR as I wracked my terrified mind to remember how. _ Two breaths, thirty compressions _. I leaned down to pinch his nose, as I blew two strong breaths into his mouth and promptly sat back up. I heard panicked voices from behind, but I couldn’t tell if they were real and I didn’t have the awareness to tear my attention away from Bellamy. I knitted my hands tightly together and just as they touched the centre of his chest, he coughed violently as he tried to sit up. 

“Oh thank you, thank you!” I yelped as I frantically climbed off his lap so that he could turn onto his side and I rubbed his back as he gasped out for air. In my blind panic, I hadn’t even noticed that the door was now open. Jasper and Octavia ran to his side in a panic, dropping to their knees to check on him. I was shaking wildly as adrenaline coursed through me and I couldn’t make out a single feeling in the whirlwind of emotions that tore through my mind. Bellamy didn’t even seem to notice our presence at his side. As soon as he could move, he turned onto his hands and knees and hollered up at the hatch above. 

“**Murphy!**” His voice was guttural and wild, adequately conveying the fury that radiated off him in waves. 

He dragged himself up the ladder and was able to force it slightly open with the strength of his rage. Now that I could see that Bellamy was safe and had no ill effects from his brief time in the noose, I was able to push the fear aside momentarily. Instead, his determination reminded me that Murphy was still inside the camp and my anger returned, refuelling me for a fight. I ran from the dropship in a red tinged haze and I couldn’t feel anything other than the need to get hold of Murphy. I knew that there were outdoor grips on the ship that were designed for use during space walks and I climbed them in a frenzy. I could hear Bellamy’s furious threats even through the walls and I continued climbing until I had almost reached the top floor where I knew Murphy was hiding. 

As I neared the top level the grips ran out and I searched the ship’s exterior for a way inside. I bashed various panels to check for any movement, but nothing seemed to budge. Without warning I was thrown from the ship by a blast that rang out across camp and fell to the ground, landing on my back in the dirt. I was dazed, unable to properly focus my eyes and there was a sharp ringing in my ears. I could make out a hole in the top of the ship that hadn’t been there before and saw a figure jump out of the hole to break into a run out of camp. I knew this would only be Murphy and so despite feeling winded and disorientated, I forced myself to my feet. Once I stood up straight, I felt my vision clearing and I stalked toward the gates. Although I moved slowly at first, by the time I neared them I had completely returned to my senses and marched towards them in fury.

“I’m gonna kill you Murphy!” I bellowed as I approached, only to be apprehended by two guards who blocked me from exiting the camp. “What are you doing? I have to get out there!” I growled frustratedly as I attempted to force my way past them. A firm set of hands pulled me backwards out of the struggle and I was turned by my shoulders to face Bellamy. 

“Indie, you can’t go out there, the grounders will kill you.” He reasoned, gripping onto me tightly to hold me in place. He scanned my face with a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes and I felt my resolve weakening slightly at the sight of him.

“I can’t just let him get away, not after what he did to you.” I argued, feeling tears fill my eyes again as the image of him hanging in the ship flitted through my mind. I shook my head to force it away and Bellamy’s brows furrowed in concern.

“I’m okay, you don’t have to worry about me.” He stated gently before forcing his face into a reassuring smile as he met my emotional eyes. “As for Murphy, the grounders will deal with him.” He declared and I sighed in defeat.

“Someone’s coming!” A frantic cry from one of the guards drew our attention and he turned toward the gate. Several members of camp moved into formation, approaching with guns raised and I waited with baited breath. I’d already been through so many emotions today, I didn’t know if I had it in me to fight the grounders too. “Hold your fire! Clarke and Finn! Open the gate, get it.” I turned to peek at Bellamy with wide, hopeful eyes and we both remained rooted to the spot, hardly able to believe what we’d heard. Jasper jogged over to stand at my other side and as the gate slid open, I almost collapsed at the sight of our two missing members.

“Hey, we heard an explosion, what happened?” Clarke questioned as she ignored the surrounding campers who celebrated their return. Instead, she ran straight to Bellamy for an update and it was strangely comforting to witness.

“Murphy happened.” He announced in a manner that revealed his disbelief at the state of events. Clarke widened her eyes at him and he shrugged. Jasper suddenly rushed forward to hug Clarke and without thinking I hugged Finn tightly. He seemed taken aback but returned the embrace with a chuckle under his breath. As soon as she was free, I hugged Clarke in quick succession as my relief overflowed. 

“It’s so good to have you both back.” I breathed as I glanced between them thankfully and I noticed Bellamy’s entertained expression from the corner of my eye.

“Where have you been? Where’s Monty?” Jasper asked, hovering around them nervously and I quickly peered behind them to find that he wasn’t there. I had hoped that only their names had been announced, but it seemed that Monty truly wasn’t with them.

“Monty’s gone?” Clarke replied in a confused voice and I put my hands over my face as I felt my stomach drop.

“Clarke, we need to leave, now. All of us do.” 

I heard Finn’s voice but I couldn’t bring myself to care about what they were discussing. All I could concentrate on was Monty. If they hadn’t seen him, I knew that meant that the grounders likely left him to die in the woods, like they had Myles. I lost all hope of him returning and the enormity of that realisation was too much to bear. I turned to face Jasper who seemed to be having the same internal crisis that I was and without a word he pulled me into a hug. I stayed wrapped up in him as the others discussed whether to leave camp or not and we shared a moment of mourning for Monty. We only broke apart to force ourselves to pay attention when Bellamy addressed the crowd.

“This is our home now. We built this from nothing with our bare hands! Our dead are buried behind that wall in this ground, _ our _ ground! The grounders think they can take that away? They think that because we came from the sky, we don’t belong here. But they’ve yet to realise one very important fact: we are on the ground now, and that means _ we _ are grounders! I say let them come!” Bellamy exclaimed, earning cheers from the riled crowd. I managed to smile at him, despite the whirlwind of emotions that was ravaging me on the inside. After listening to Murphy berate him earlier, I couldn’t help but notice how much he’d grown in the time since we arrived on Earth. I could honestly say that I was proud of both the leader and the person that he was now. 

“Bellamy’s right.” Clarke declared as she stepped forward and I was surprised to find her standing with him for once. “If we leave, we may never find a place as safe as this. And God knows in this world, we could be faced with something even worse tomorrow. But that doesn’t change the simple fact that if we stay here, we will die tonight. So pack your things, just take what you can carry. _ Now _.” Clarke urged. I was disappointed with how her message flipped from start to finish and the feeling only worsened when the crowd dispersed without question to follow her orders. Only Bellamy, Finn, Octavia, Clarke and I remained in the centre of camp, staring at each other in a tense silence.

“Help me!” 

A small cry caught our attention and we turned to see Raven limping into camp gripping her hip. We moved to surround her and I realised with a feeling of horror that she had been shot when Murphy fired into the floor of the dropship. The guilt of my actions threatened to crush me under its weight, as I analysed that I may have been able to protect her if I’d remained by her side. My solo mission barely took me to Bellamy’s side sooner than her plan and even if she’d still been shot, I could’ve at least found help for her sooner. I almost burst into tears as I considered how long she had been trapped there, desperate for rescue whilst we reunited in campgrounds. Finn immediately lifted her into his arms and carried her into the dropship, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. The overwhelming guilt that fell on my shoulders was the last emotion to push me over the edge into despair. Clarke moved to follow but Bellamy blocked her path with a scrutinising look.

“Clarke, leaving here is a big mistake.” He appealed to her calmly but it was clear from her expression that she wasn’t interested in his opinion on the matter.

“The decision has been made.” She answered coldly before she attempted to push past him and I was frustrated by her unreasonable behaviour. He stepped back in front of her stubbornly and I remained frozen to the spot. 

“Crowds make bad decisions, just ask Murphy.” He pleaded and I watched with sympathy as his brows furrowed together. It was painfully obvious that facing the consequences of that mistake today haunted him as I feared. I agreed that this was an overly rash decision and desperately wanted to back him up, but I couldn’t find the strength to step in. “Leaders do what they think is right.” He added firmly with a glimpse in my direction and my heart skipped a beat. I almost burst into tears at hearing him repeat the advice that I’d given the night before and I was thankful that I’d been able to help.

“I am.” She replied with an icy determination. She took one last annoyed glance at him before she stormed toward the dropship and left us alone.


	27. Uɴғɪɴɪsʜᴇᴅ Bᴜsɪɴᴇss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're enjoying this consider following me on Tumblr, I accept prompts/imagines now :)

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Wᴇ Aʀᴇ Gʀᴏᴜɴᴅᴇʀs - Pᴀʀᴛ 1; Wᴇ Aʀᴇ Gʀᴏᴜɴᴅᴇʀs - Pᴀʀᴛ 2

The camp was bustling with people who prepared to leave, but we remained rooted to the spot. Once Clarke stormed away, we were left staring at each other with no desire to move. I tried to force some words out in support of him, but I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I didn’t know if I could find any strength to share. 

“For what it’s worth, I want to stay…” 

I quickly trailed off as I felt my breath hitch and a single tear slipped out of my carefully controlled facade. I bit my lip in an effort to contain the wave of feelings that was crashing over me but it was too late. Bellamy noticed my reaction and pulled me to a quiet spot so that we could talk without the audience of camp.

“Hey, you’re okay, it’s okay.” He spoke soothingly and put his hands on my shoulders as he leaned down to meet my eyes.

At his kind gesture and concerned eyes, I finally cracked under the pressure. The tears flooded suddenly from me, pouring down my cheeks and I shook violently all over. I was completely unable to consider my actions as the storm exploded in my mind. I threw myself into his chest and he wrapped his arms tightly around me with no hesitation. Although our enormous height difference had been nothing other than an inconvenience until now, especially when I was furiously yelling upward at him, in my despair it became an unexpected blessing. As he squeezed me into him and I tucked my head under his chin, I got the sensation that he was my shield against the world. There was a sense of safety that was foreign to me and it allowed me a moment that I didn’t realise I needed until now, a chance to express weakness. Since our arrival on Earth, I had been exhausted by the constant illusion of strength that I depended on and it was a welcome relief to drop the act for even a few minutes. I closed my eyes tightly as I burrowed my face into his chest and was comforted by the warmth of his body that ran slightly warmer than my own. I was jolted by the image of him dangling by his neck which was burned behind my eyes and not even the safety of his arms could remove it.

“I lost you.” I whispered in a terrified voice and he pushed me back to peek down at me in confusion. “For a few seconds, I lost you.” I confessed as I met his eyes and he furrowed his brows. “When I climbed through the vent and saw you there...I thought you were gone. That image of you hanging, I feel like it will haunt me forever.” A small sob escaped my lips and I abruptly could not manage any more words.

“But I’m not gone. I’m still here thanks to you. You saved my life today, _ again _.” He clarified firmly as he stared into my eyes and carefully brushed away a tear from my cheek. 

“It was my fault!” I exclaimed causing him to frown. “I defended him when you wanted to throw him out, I put you in an impossible position and I was _ cruel _ to you. Only for it to turn out that you were right all along and it nearly cost you everything!” I hissed in a stressed stutter as I sniffed back any further tears.

“No. It’s not your fault.” He argued in a tone of disbelief as he assessed my expression. “He wanted to kill me because of the decisions that I made. This was on me.” He insisted and I felt guilty for making him reflect on his mistake with Murphy again. I stared at him for a few seconds, absorbing all of the details of how he looked, committing them to memory for fear that one day I might truly need it. He was perfect in the soft afternoon light, even with the worry that dominated his face as he studied me. I couldn’t control the fear that gripped me as I gazed upon him and I realised just how close I’d come to losing him. 

“Bellamy, I know that you had to save Jasper and I really am thankful for that. But _ please _, don’t ever take a risk like that again, I don’t think I could go through that- to not be able to get to you-” I stumbled over my words as I strained to explain the panic that I’d felt and fresh tears rolled down my cheeks just at the thought of ever experiencing a repeat of this type of situation. He gently wrapped me in his arms again and my chest wracked as I wept against him. 

“Shh.” He soothed, rubbing a hand gently on my back whilst I whimpered. He was tender and comforting as he allowed me to calm down in my own time. I couldn’t tell how long had passed in his embrace and he made no effort to rush me. The world seemed to stop around us as he held me in the quiet bubble of safety and my heart raced when he placed a feather-light kiss on my forehead. I finally felt the shaking in my body slow to a stop and the chaos in my mind subsided. I took a few deep breaths in an effort to regain control and when it was clear that I had settled, he cleared his throat. 

“We should probably start packing up, it sounds like the others want to get going as soon as possible.” Bellamy suggested in a soft voice and he patiently waited for me to move first. I reluctantly extracted myself from him and he released me back into the cold air. 

“I don’t want to leave, this is our home.” I whispered as I met his eyes with a regretful expression. I was glad that I was finally calm enough to express my thoughts and I could tell from his reaction that he was pleased to find that I was on his side.

“Neither do I.” He sighed in frustration and rubbed the back of his neck thoughtfully. “But, no offence, I don’t think you and I can fight off the grounders, just the two of us, even with your killer shots.” He commented playfully and I managed a small laugh. I noticed that his eyes lit up at the sight of it and it made my stomach flip. 

We stood in comfortable silence for a few lingering moments and I explored him with a fond smile. The heat that radiated between us was suffocating, but I couldn’t tear my eyes from him. I was drowning in his deep-set, whisky brown eyes and they gave me the sensation that I was being drawn into him. I couldn’t recognise my own thoughts as my body moved without my consideration. All of the things I’d been told to do by everyone else no longer mattered, all the advice filtered away into silence and my mind offered no guidance. It was as if the world around us fell away until it was just him and I. I stepped closer to him with a desperate need to feel his touch and he obliged as his hand fell naturally onto my arm. My breathing hitched at the contact and I regarded him with sultry eyes. I slowly shifted my weight onto my toes, raising myself up into his space and my hand settled gently on his shoulder. My instincts led me to apply slight pressure, guiding him down to meet me and as he did, our faces grew close enough to feel his hot breath on my skin. This time, my heart wasn’t hammering; my hands were steady, my nerves relaxed and every moment felt exactly right, like it was meant to happen. I felt the tip of my nose touch his cheek and our lips brushed so slightly that I couldn’t feel anything other than the sensation of electricity as it shot through my body.

“Bellamy! Indigo!” A sharp call interrupted us and I jumped back, startled out of the moment. “Come on, we need to go!” 

I cleared my throat awkwardly and felt my face burning with heat as the world returned in a crash around me. I couldn’t manage to meet his eyes and instead I stepped past him without another word. I jogged over to Octavia who was inspecting camp for us but I was reassured to find that she didn’t seem to have noticed us yet. She seemed relieved as I reached her. 

“Come on, we need to get our tent packed and I’ve got a present for you.” She stated and I forced a smile despite the overwhelming temptation to glance back to Bellamy.

I followed her back to the tent with a heavy feeling of unfinished business. We tried to be efficient in packing, ensuring that we had stowed rations, water and plenty of weapons. Octavia presented me with an assault rifle, assuring me that I was ready for the upgrade and that I would need it for the journey. It took very little time to pack our modest possessions and we left our tent for the last time. I parted from Octavia to check on Raven and wandered into the dropship to find Finn and a couple of others rushing to put together a stretcher. I glanced around worriedly in search of her.

“What’s happening?” I called out to Finn as I observed the commotion that filled the tightly packed space. 

“Clarke cauterised the wound but the bullet is still inside.” Finn answered over his shoulder as he worked. “She can’t walk or she’ll move it. We’re gonna carry her.” He stated firmly and I raised my brows at his words. I moved closer to the surface that Raven was lying on and peeked down at her with a heavily guilty expression. 

“I shouldn’t have left you, I’m sorry.” I breathed, hardly able to meet her eyes without feeling a surge of anxiety. The calmness that I’d felt with Bellamy had already dissolved and I returned to stressing over the consequences of my choices. She reached over to take my hand in hers and squeezed it firmly to draw my attention to her face. 

“Hey, don’t do that.” She asserted, leaning forward to force me to meet her eyes. “You did what you had to. I’m gonna be fine.” She confirmed as she smiled at me supportively and I sighed.

“I should be the one reassuring you right now.” I confessed guilty and she chuckled under her breath before flinching from pain. 

“Indie, we need to get going.” Finn cleared his throat and spoke in a hurried voice. “We’ve gotta get her ready to move.” He ordered and I nodded back at him in acknowledgement. I smiled appreciatively at her and squeezed her hand one last time before stepping out of their way. 

I couldn’t stand to watch how delicate she was as they lifted her into the stretcher, so I returned outside to find Octavia. I scanned the stripped, bare looking camp as people started to gather together to leave. I felt a sense of reluctance as I reflected that this would be the last time I would see the place that I now considered home and before I could think twice about the decision to leave, it was time. I noticed that Bellamy was searching around for someone as we organised into a planned formation. I hid in the crowd, sticking closely to Octavia as I tried to avoid his notice. I couldn’t pretend that I hadn’t almost kissed him a few moments ago and the idea of discussing this at such an emotionally charged time was overwhelming. As the gates opened and we all filed out, Octavia and I walked side by side. I wasn’t sure how we ended up leading at the front of the pack and I was relieved to hear quiet pockets of conversation happening around us. Octavia shot at an analysing look at me and I prepared myself for a grilling.

“You alright over there? You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind?” She quizzed in a poor attempt at a light tone. I could easily identify the warring emotions in her eyes that she tried to cover with a brave face and I smiled weakly at her in a similar manner.

“I’m fine, it just feels strange to be leaving. It’s been insane here, but it finally feels like home.” I sighed in an avoidant manner. I didn’t consider it lying, it was troubling to leave our camp for uncertain shores. I couldn’t discuss the issues with Bellamy whilst we were so crowded with people so I stuck to the simple issues. I tried to keep my guard up as I spoke, scanning our surroundings for any sign of grounders. “Plus, I can’t let go of the niggling feeling that we’re leaving Monty behind.” I confessed as I acknowledged the knot in my stomach.

“I know what you mean.” She sighed deeply and I peeked at her in concern. “Finn says there’s no way Lincoln survived with the odds that were against him, but I still feel like I’m abandoning him.” She breathed and I could easily recognise the reluctance that was in her eyes now I took a moment to examine her.

“Hey, your boyfriend’s a _ grounder _Octavia, I wouldn’t count him out. Last time you said goodbye, he turned up again just in time to save our friends. I get the feeling we haven’t seen the last of him.” I stated firmly and my words earned the hint of a smile in the corner of her lips. “Now, I just have to convince myself to feel the same about Monty.” I muttered, as I returned my attention to our surroundings. “Maybe I’ll even get really lucky and we’ll run into Murphy.” I added bitterly and noticed that my grip on the comically large gun in my hands got tighter. Octavia glimpsed at me with her brows knitted together in worry and I could sense that she was assessing me.

“That whole thing with Bellamy really messed you up, huh?” She probed and I flinched at her perceptiveness. I maintained a careful measure of the anger in my voice as I answered her.

“For a minute when I first got to him, I thought he was dead. I’ve never been so terrified.” I whispered, before shaking my head violently to dislodge the agonising memory that replayed in my brain. “But what made it worse was that I trusted Murphy, I gave him a second chance. I defended him, I patched his wounds, I fucking _ comforted _ him. I need to pay him back for that.” I spat with a fury that rose like acid from my stomach as I remembered his convincing little act.

“Well, I hope you get your chance.” She commented and I was surprised to find bitterness in her tone too. “I certainly wouldn’t mind getting a few hits in.” She added, gritting her teeth as she spoke and I remembered her frantic cries on the radio whilst I hid in the bottom of the dropship with understanding.

“I’m pretty sure there will be a queue.” I chuckled darkly under my breath and she nodded back at me with amusement.

We continued in silence through the forest with our eyes trained on our surroundings as we gripped our guns nervously. Octavia stopped abruptly on the spot and held a hand up to halt the following group. I raised my gun to stare through the scope and held my breath as I scanned the area in nervous anticipation. There were several panicked comments from behind as those around us strained to see what had alarmed Octavia, but like the rest of them I couldn’t see anything. In a flash, something shot through the air and planted itself into the face of the man standing behind us.

“Grounders!” Jasper yelled in a deafening roar, spiralling the group into a panic.

Octavia and I fell into positions to navigate the group back towards camp, with people rushing frantically to get behind the walls. As we reached the gates Jasper ran ahead of us and positioned himself on the wall to cover our return. Octavia placed herself at the gate to guide people inside and I witnessed Bellamy out of the corner of my eye. He climbed up beside Jasper to cover the gate, so I quickly took a position on the other side to provide full covering fire if needed. The gates slowly dragged closed as the last of our people filtered inside and I continued to stare out between the trees, scouring for any sign of movement. I could hear Bellamy, Clarke and the usual leadership building into an argument over whether to stay or go again and I glanced over at Jasper. As it seemed we were the only two people that were still on watch for an attack, I opted not to get involved this time and allowed them to fight until someone was victorious. I couldn’t deny that I was pleased when they agreed to stay and fight, as I felt that running was the wrong choice from the beginning.

“Okay then. This is what we’ve been preparing for, kill them before they kill us. Gunners to your posts. Use the tunnels to get in and out, from now on the gate stays closed.” Bellamy addressed the crowd assertively and they immediately sprang into action, running to their assigned posts.

I glanced around nervously at the bustling camp. I’d learned the routes to the foxholes, but I was busy setting up landmines as part of Raven’s crew the night that groups were assigned and I suspected that Bellamy hadn’t assigned me a role on purpose. I witnessed him halt Octavia in her tracks as she headed for a tunnel with a sword that Finn had gifted her from Lincoln. I seized the moment to sneak past whilst he was distracted. I followed Jasper as he moved with a determined purpose and I overheard Octavia firmly informing Bellamy that she was a grounder now. I smiled in amusement at her newly developed confidence and was proud that she had finally found her place. As I neared the exit from camp, I had to pause as she jumped into the tunnel just ahead of me. Unfortunately, she carried Bellamy’s attention with her and he reached out to snatch my arm in the first second that he registered my presence. 

“No, not you too.” He spoke firmly but the grip that he clung to me with revealed his desperation. I met his eyes with an apologetic expression but I couldn’t deny my frustration with him for even attempting to keep me out of this.

“Come on Bellamy, you said yourself that you need my aim. It’ll take everyone we have for us to survive this.” I argued in a bid to reach his sensible nature but he simply furrowed his brow at me regretfully.

“I know, and I understand why you want to fight but…” His voice trailed off and his gaze fell to his boots as he shuffled awkwardly on the spot. “Does it have to be you two?” He asked as he met my eyes with an insecurity that was unfamiliar on him.

“You don’t have to worry about us, we can do this.” I responded with a reassuring smile and I gazed at him sympathetically. I understood his concern; I hated the idea of him and Octavia fighting, but when I considered what would happen to them if the grounders got inside, I knew that I had no other choice. “I’ll stay with Jasper and see you back here when we win.” I expressed, squeezing his arm with a smile and he finally loosened his grip on me with an anxious look. I turned from him and rushed into the tunnel before I could think twice.

Once in the cramped space of the foxhole with Jasper and Harper, we waited in nervous silence. The radio Jasper was holding crackled and he held it up for us to hear. 

“All foxholes, listen up.” Bellamy’s voice announced and I sat up straighter as I waited for instructions. “Keep your eyes and ears open. Inflict casualties, as many as possible. You can hold them off for long enough to make them turn back. That’s the plan.” He cut off abruptly and I could only imagine the argument that was currently taking place between the leadership.

“So our plan is to scare them off?” Harper repeated as she glimpsed between the two of us in disbelief.

“We don’t have enough of anything to kill them all.” Jasper explained and his eyes grew wide as his fear became clear in his movements. I realised that this was difficult for him and I wished that there was a way to protect him from the fight that was unfortunately inevitable.

“We don’t need to kill them all.” I stated firmly, drawing his attention to me. “We just have to kill enough to make them _ think _ that we will.” I smiled in an attempt to reassure them, despite my own reservations about the reliability of this plan. 

We waited for what seemed like hours as the tension grew thick in the air. Harper kept watch whilst Jasper gave his best effort to build my confidence in the new gun. I hadn’t had a chance to even test firing something this size and we didn’t have the bullets left for me to practice. We got comfortable sitting with the muzzles of our guns pointing out of the shelter and kept our eyes keenly trained for any sign of movement. Jasper suddenly tensed and I caught the distant sound of drums as his eyes widened.

“We can do this Jasper, you’re not alone.” I whispered as I met his terrified eyes and he nodded back shakily. I could feel a slight tremble in my hands and took a long, slow breath to steady myself. 

“I see them, they’re moving!” 

Stirling’s frantic voice on the radio alerted us to the start of the battle, but we couldn’t see anything in the area surrounding our foxhole. There were several other panicked responses as other foxholes identified grounders but from the information that was given, no one seemed to be able to hit them. We waited, staring at the trees until I caught a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye. Within seconds they descended on the area and Jasper was shooting in a panic. 

“They’re everywhere! Harper, get down!” He panted as he sprayed bullets at random in every direction and I could barely hear over the incredible noise of the gun. “We need backup!” He called down the radio in a fluster, joining the flurry of manic messages that flooded through. I put a hand on his arm and shook him to get through his shock. 

“Jasper, stop shooting! We don’t have enough bullets to fire at random!” I yelled in an effort to reach his logical nature and he caught sight of me with a panic stricken expression. “Don’t shoot unless you know you can hit them, otherwise let the landmines do their job!” I ordered firmly and he nodded back nervously. 

We resumed our positions, waiting for the movement to return after Jasper had scared them off as we watched down the barrel of our guns. It was barely seconds before grounders sprinted past us again and a bomb exploded just ahead of the foxhole. We glanced at each other in an elated mixture of surprise and excitement.

“Raven, our mines actually worked!” Jasper announced into the radio in an ecstatic voice. We high-fived in a moment of childish delight and grinned widely at each other. It was comforting to experience a fleeting moment of friendship in the middle of the chaos and I was thankful that I’d chosen to follow him.

“Jasper, we need you in the dropship right now.” Clarke’s voice declared over the radio at the perfect timing to force us back into reality and my face dropped at the realisation that he couldn’t remain at my side. 

“Negative, we can’t give up the west woods.” Bellamy argued in an overly aggressive tone and although I knew that he was speaking from a tactical perspective, I couldn’t help feeling that some of his reluctance to allow Jasper to leave was because he knew that I was here.

“The west woods are mined Bellamy, the grounders just figured that out!” Clarke’s sharp voice responded and her impatience was clear even through the radio. “Jasper get in here.” She demanded and I felt my stomach churn as I considered what could cause such a desperate reaction from her. I had to force my mind to remain focused as I wondered if some part of the plan had already gone wrong. Before Bellamy could continue to make excuses, I snatched the radio from Jasper’s hands. 

“Who said anything about giving up, we’re still out here!” I taunted in a determined tone as I smiled at Harper and signalled to Jasper to go. He assessed me for a long moment in concern, before reluctantly tearing himself away and climbing into the tunnels towards camp. “Harper and I have got this, girl power and all that shit.” I smirked in the hope that I could inspire confidence in her nervous face. I leaned over to offer her a fist bump with a playful wink. She slowly bumped her fist against mine and a small smile crept in at the corner of her lips. “Only take the shot if you’re sure, make every bullet we have left count, alright?” I recapped assertively.

“I see one, there! There!” She exclaimed as she pointed ahead and I stared down the barrel at the rapidly moving blur as it passed through the trees. I held the gun tightly in place and was ready to shoot at any sign of threat, until another mine went off and I widened my eyes in understanding. 

“They’re drawing our fire!” I breathed as I kicked myself for not analysing their tactics sooner. “Harper, keep an eye out but _ don’t _ shoot unless it comes at you.” I spoke sternly and although she was obviously terrified, she nodded in acknowledgement. I snatched up the radio that Jasper had left on the floor and took a deep breath to prepare myself to take control of the situation. “All gunners! The grounders are _ not attacking _, they want us to waste our bullets. Don’t shoot whilst they’re just running around, let the mines pick them off and only shoot when you absolutely have to!” I quickly passed the information so that I could stow the radio and resume my grip on the gun. 

“Indigo's right, don’t fire until you’re sure it’s an attack!” Bellamy’s reply was prompt and I smiled involuntarily. I was reassured to hear his voice, not only because I enjoyed knowing that I’d been able to prove myself but also because it meant that he was still safe. “Repeat, do not fire until you’re sure.” He confirmed and I glanced over to smile at Harper, only to find that she was shaking from head to toe. I sighed sympathetically at her. 

“You can do this, we’re not gonna let them past. I’ve got your back.” I reassured sternly, before returning my focus to the space in front of the foxhole. I observed several grounders emerging from the trees and just as I was lining up my aim, I realised that they were leading a hoard that was crowded into a tight formation. 

“Shit.” I spat under my breath as I felt dread creeping down my spine. “Okay, take slow shots, make sure you get a grounder in the face with every single one.” I gave my instructions clearly to Harper and she met my eyes with horror as she clocked the approaching force. “The second you’re out of bullets, you get back up those tunnels and you don’t look back.” I ordered and I was proud to discover that she wasted no time in following the command. I switched the radio on and leaned it against a surface so that I could talk and shoot at the same time. “West foxhole, the grounders are attacking! At least 50 in a unit right in front of us! We’ll use the ammo we have and pull back. This is it gunners, hold your ground and make them pay for every life they’ve taken from us!” I reported in the hope that I could inspire confidence as I stared down the scope with determination. Harper was as efficient as I demanded, but by her fourth shot she was done. She regarded me with wide, terrified eyes. 

“Go, get out of here, I’ll be right behind you!” I shouted forcefully. I was only on my second shot and had no intention of quitting whilst I could still shoot. She surveyed the group that was closing in, then peeked at me with a final reluctant glance before she frantically jumped into the tunnel. I took a deep breath and attempted to stay focused on the rapidly approaching horde. I knew that once they passed this checkpoint, there was nothing left between them and Bellamy. I was the last stand at protecting him and everyone else I cared about, and I knew that I had to bring down every last grounder that I could. I fired again, resulting in a shot that hit one of the troops directly in the face and they sank to the ground in a satisfying manner. _ Three shots _ . I moved my barrel to focus on the next target with a determined fire in my gut. I took another steadying breath, finding it hard to keep calm as I acknowledged that they were barely metres away. I squeezed the trigger and another shot launched from the barrel, landing squarely in my target's chest. They stumbled in a shocked reaction but quickly recovered to continue marching toward me. _ Four shots _. 

“Indie, what are you still doing in there?! Get out!” 

Bellamy’s frantic voice filled the space and I realised with horror that the radio was still on; he could still hear me shooting. I aimed one more time at the same attacker’s face, imagining him reaching Bellamy to bully myself into remaining in the foxhole despite the growing risk. My heart skipped a beat as I squeezed the trigger and the bullet flew right on target, stopping one more grounder dead. _ Five shots _ . The gun jammed in a telltale sound and I realised almost too late that they were right on top of me. I dove into the tunnel in blind faith just as they reached the foxhole and the leading grounder swung an axe into the centre of it. I barely escaped the assault by a couple of inches and slammed closed the entrance to the tunnel behind me. I noticed with horror that I’d left the radio behind but I had to force myself to concentrate on manically crawling through the tight space to reach camp. I had to get in, find another gun and get to Bellamy before the grounder’s forces did. I knew that there were only two others with him at the final position and that it was impossible for them to last against the numbers that were stalking toward them. Every part of my mind focused on getting to him as I rushed through the tunnel and I felt my chest tightening with anxiety. The same thought echoed over and over in my mind: _ I can’t lose him _.


	28. Eɴᴅ Oғ Tʜᴇ Wᴏʀʟᴅ As Wᴇ Kɴᴏᴡ Iᴛ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Wᴇ Aʀᴇ Gʀᴏᴜɴᴅᴇʀs - Pᴀʀᴛ 2

By the time I fell out of the tunnel into camp I was panting and could hear the overpowering roar of the attacking forces. I dragged myself to my feet and climbed up onto the wall to assess the situation as quickly as I could. I found Miller aiming over the side with a wavering confidence and he stooped down to snatch a discarded gun that was beside him. I recalled that he was meant to be on the last checkpoint with Bellamy and my stomach flipped nervously.

“Where’s Bellamy?” I questioned frantically as he threw the gun at me and I somehow managed to catch it despite my distress.

“I don’t know! The last time I saw him, he was trying to get back to camp carrying Octavia. We got separated.” He called to me in a shirty manner as he scanned the furious crowd that surged toward the gates like a tidal wave.

“Carrying Octavia?!” I repeated in alarm and he glanced over with annoyance. “I have to get to them!” I cried as I stood frozen to the spot, torn between assisting in the effort here or trying to fight my way toward the checkpoint.

“You can’t! We need you here!” Miller yelled as he addressed me in desperation. “Look, if you want to see them again you need to stick to the plan, you know that he will.” He reasoned and for the first time since landing I felt as if we saw each other on equal ground.

“Alright, let’s do this.” I gulped, setting my gun on the wall as I aimed toward our mounting enemies. The grounders seemed to pour out from every direction and I couldn’t believe the numbers that we were now facing. This was worse than we ever could have imagined and we were comically under prepared for fighting of this scale. I sensed the gunners around me peeking at each other in terror as the grounders collided with our walls.

“There are too many! Everybody to the dropship, now!” Miller instructed as the determination finally crumbled from his face, alongside any new found respect that I’d gained for him.

“No! We need more time!” Clarke’s voice was stern from behind us and I felt my stomach twist at her words. I understood from the tone of her voice that things weren’t going well and without Bellamy here to keep the camp inspired, it wasn’t long until the plan dissolved. “Gunners stay at your posts, the rest of you inside. Come on quick, move!” Clarke commanded and everyone slowly moved back into place, but they still held themselves in a way that suggested they were ready to run for their lives. I sighed deeply with a knot building in my gut as I considered that the plan Bellamy had laid out was the only thing I could rely on to return him to me. As I studied the nervous faces of those around me, I knew that I could no longer hide in the shadows whilst others took the burden of leadership; Bellamy needed my strength. 

“Alright gunners! You all heard Clarke, it’s down to us now! I don’t know about you, but I don’t plan to lay down as an easy kill for some grounder.” I started with a false confidence that I hoped wasn’t obvious. I’d seen every speech Bellamy had made to this camp and I hoped I knew him well enough to emulate his charisma. “This is our camp, our home and the people you see on these walls are your family now. Make every single bullet count, shoot calm and take down as many as you can. It’s time to show these sons of bitches the exit!” I declared and was exhilarated by the renewed war cries from those around me. We all returned to picking off the grounders who closed in on the last of our defences and I was proud of the focus that the gunners maintained, even in the face of the overwhelming odds.

We were interrupted by a far off explosion and I turned my attention to the sky to witness a bright light shooting over the camp. It seemed that everyone stopped to watch, including our attackers, as the light split into numerous pieces that burned down toward us. I had long lost any hope of ever receiving help from the sky but as the pieces grew closer, I realised that I was watching the Ark itself falling to us. 

“Take down the gate!” A sharp command from outside drew us back into the moment as the grounders began attacking again. Before we could retaliate, we were distracted by the sounds of tribal calls and paused in a confused anticipation. I noticed that the grounders seemed equally confused by the sounds and I hoped that whatever was coming might help to turn the tide of this fight. “Reapers!” The same voice cried out again and I kept my gun trained on the distance as I waited for the uncertain threat. I was stunned when Finn and Lincoln fell into my scope, sprinting toward the grounder army before suddenly diverting and disappearing into the trees.

Immediately behind them was another large group which almost resembled the force that we were already facing and I couldn’t comprehend what insane plan Finn had calculated this time. In the moment that the new group noticed the grounders they stopped in their tracks, glaring tensely at each other in a silent standoff. I squinted over to the other gunners, who seemed every bit as puzzled as I felt and no one moved a muscle in fear of reminding them that we were there. Without warning the two groups clashed, forming their own fray and seeming to have completely forgotten about us altogether. I analysed that the grounders seemed to be wiping out the new group with little resistance and felt in my gut that this strange turn of events unfortunately wouldn’t be more than a brief reprieve for us. 

“Reload! Get ready for the next wave, they’ll be back on us in no time!” I ordered the surrounding gunners in an attempt to prepare them, rallying them from their shock. “Grab a weapon, we’re almost out of bullets. We need to be ready if they break through!” I commanded as I kept a watch on the situation below out of the corner of my eye.

People scattered across camp frantically arming themselves with whatever they could find and I subconsciously reached for my dagger to reassure myself that it was still there. In barely a few minutes the grounders had brutally slaughtered their new enemies and returned to charging at the gates. I observed with a dread in my chest as several people on the wall were killed by arrows and I jumped into action. I fired at the archers rapidly, abandoning the careful shooting that I’d been focused on until now as I felt that we were losing control. I heard the clanging of hooks as several landed on the top of the wall and grounders began to climb up to the platforms that we were stationed on. I tried to slow them down but my gun jammed and I knew that I was finally out of ammunition. 

“That’s it, fall back!” I gasped before turning to address all of the gunners determinedly. “Everybody fall back! It’s time to take it hand to hand!” I announced as I dropped the gun and leapt from the platform to gain some distance from the bloodthirsty forces that dragged themselves over the top of the wall.

I ran in a wild panic toward the centre of the camp, searching for any weapon larger than my dagger that I could use to defend myself. As I stumbled forward without focus, I knocked into a couple of people carrying grenades and caused them to drop several onto the ground at our feet. At that moment, the gate slammed open with an earth shattering crash and I instinctively snatched one of the grenades from the ground, lobbing it toward the gate in blind faith. It exploded in the perfect location to wipe out several of the grounders that rushed through, but it didn’t stop the leader who charged forward cutting down anyone in his way. I turned to the dropship and spotted Clarke and Finn crouched behind a crate. I sprinted over to meet them and as I dropped to their side to ask what was happening with the ship, Finn pointed manically ahead. 

“There he is!” He yelled in a hopeful voice.

I turned to face the direction that he was pointing and clocked Bellamy crouched in the exit of a tunnel, behind the grounder who was carving a path through camp. My heart leapt into my throat and my thoughts raced at a million miles an hour as I realised in a crushing feeling of apprehension that Octavia wasn’t with him. 

“He’s never gonna make it! Bellamy run!” Clarke cried out to him. 

I searched around in a newly frantic haze for a weapon that would allow me to fight at arm's length. If I simply used my dagger there was a risk that the leader would skewer me before I could even get close enough to help. As I did this, Bellamy started to run toward us and the leader glanced his way to notice him creeping past. Bellamy held the gun up in front of him but it visibly locked as he attempted to fire and the leader took this opportunity to swipe the large sword he carried at him. For a split second I couldn’t breathe as the sword barely missed his waist and he dodged it by only a few centimetres. The leader punched Bellamy in the face, knocking him backwards heavily with the force and grabbed him to repeatedly slug him in the gut. 

“He’s killing him.” Clarke breathed in a small terrified voice, causing my heartbeat to pound in my ears.

“No.” I hissed determinedly as I raised to my feet and pulled the pistol from my belt. I attempted to aim at the large leader that threw Bellamy around like a rag doll, but his movements were so rapid that I couldn’t get him in my sight without risking hitting Bellamy instead. My hands shook wildly as I struggled to maintain my grip on the gun and tears filled my eyes as I willed myself to get it right. I fired in blind faith and the bullet landed directly in the shoulder of the leader.

“Give me that!” Finn jumped up beside me and snatched a gun from a passing camp member as they ran to the dropship. He moved without hesitation, which was shocking for someone who was such a passionate pacifist and had been against the use of guns since day one. He fired at the leader in perfect timing to prevent him from slashing Bellamy with his blade. Bellamy fell flat on his back on the ground and Finn charged at the leader, tackling him to the dirt in a powerful motion.

“No, Finn, no!” Clarke screamed and I moved to attack after him but she caught my wrist to pause me on the spot. “Don’t!” She begged in desperation as she clung on to me but I threw her off with a furious yell. Once I was free of her grip I returned my attention to the fight and pulled my dagger out in preparation for an attack that I knew could cost me my life. When I met Bellamy’s eyes I knew that he had clocked me striding towards him and he regarded me with an expression of horror. 

“Indie, don’t! Get to the ship!” He pleaded in a despairing tone before he was viciously tackled to the ground again by the leader. I managed one last step toward him before I was yanked backwards by strong arms that wrapped firmly around my waist. I struggled against the momentum with every ounce of strength in my body. 

“No! Bellamy!” I howled in anguish as I scrambled with everything I had to reach him. I clawed into the ground and dug my heels in, using every part of my body to fight the movement. I caught a glimpse of Miller’s face in my peripheral vision as he tugged on my waist in a bid to remove me. In the next moment I was suddenly lifted from my feet and thrown over the shoulder of another strong gunner. The roughness and shock of the action caused me to drop my dagger to the ground as my arms dangled over his back. 

“No! Get off me! No, stop!” I screamed as I kicked manically at them whilst they carried me toward the ship. I witnessed Bellamy overturn the leader and start struggling to battle them with Finn backing him up as the tears flowed down my face. I was struck with the horrifying clarity that Miller was encouraging Clarke to follow us inside and I acknowledged that they were securing what remained of the camp leaders so that they could seal us in the safety of the dropship. 

“Stop, don’t do this!” I pleaded in a strained voice as we crossed the threshold into the ship. I fought hard enough to cause my kidnapper to drop me back to my feet but he immediately blocked me from leaving and Miller rushed over to assist him as they contained me between them. I was too lost in the storm of my panic to coordinate a way out, instead screaming wildly and thrashing against them.

“Indigo, just stop! We’re doing what he asked, you have to save yourself!” Miller reasoned as he fought against me and he behaved as if he were struggling with a caged animal. Clarke caught my eyes as she considered me with tear filled eyes and I observed her reaching toward the door mechanism with a fresh wave of desperation. 

“Clarke don’t! Please! You can’t do this, Bellamy and Octavia are still out there!” I pleaded and my panic was so intense that my voice didn’t even sound like my own. “Finn is out there, don’t do this!” I reasoned in the hope that I could manipulate her own worry but she continued to turn the handle without a single word in response. I screeched maniacally at her as I threw all of my weight at my captors.

The moment that the door slammed shut the sheets parted to reveal the female grounder that I’d seen speaking to Clarke at the bridge. She stepped into the space, drawing her swords and smirked at the nervous group that surrounded her. 

“Jasper, now! Fire the engines!” Clarke ordered over her shoulder and I turned to view him in outrage. I had no idea that this was the plan and I knew immediately that if they did this, every person we’d left out there would die.

“Jasper don’t, please! You’ll be killing them!” I begged although I was hardly able to get the words out through my tears and jagged breaths. I knew in my gut that there were other members of camp out there too, fighting with everything they had to drag their injured bodies back to the safety of the ship and I couldn’t face the idea of burning them alive alongside the grounders.

“I...I can’t do it.” He breathed as he stared back at me with watery eyes. I was about to breathe a sigh of relief when Harper leaned past him and slammed the trigger. I held my breath for a heart stopping moment, but no sound came. I could still hear the grounder army pounding on the door and prayed that Bellamy would somehow burst into the space to take control of the spiralling situation. Harper frantically shook the control in an effort to make it work, whilst Clarke turned to face the grounder who still stood analysing us.

“Anya, you can’t win.” She appealed and in the tense moment of silence that followed, the men that had trapped me earlier forgot to keep their grip on me. Anya swung forward at the crowd and I leapt out from between the boys without thinking. Anger controlled me like a puppet and I threw myself at Anya’s waist, slamming her into the floor with an unstoppable fury. 

“This is all your fucking fault!” I growled as I wrapped my hands around her throat. I heard her begin to choke under my crushing force but she struggled against my grip and every time she thrashed to escape, I slammed her head into the floor maliciously. I was dragged off her by Clarke, who jumped between us to shield her. 

“Stop, we are _ not _ grounders!” She cried and I snarled at her like an animal, causing her to jump in surprise. 

Before I could do anything else, the ship began to shake wildly throwing us all off balance and I recognised the deafening sounds of the thrusters firing. I dropped to my knees as a deep, guttural sob escaped my lips. Everyone around me fell or struggled to hang on as the ship raised from the ground, but I couldn’t move at all. I could hardly breathe between the sobs that wracked my chest and felt my lungs burning with the strain. On the inside it seemed as if I could actually feel my heart breaking and my head throbbed viciously. There were no thoughts present there, no other feelings in my body than the overwhelming loss of the two most important people in my life. 

I felt two skinny arms pull me in as Jasper wrapped me up in a jacket and leaned me into him, but his embrace didn’t provide me with the same sense of safety that I felt with Bellamy. I wasn’t sure if I could really feel anything anymore, as my mind imploded in on itself. I lost track of how long I stayed there, but I knew that I cried until my eyes strung and my chest ached. I started to shake all over and Jasper rubbed my arms in an attempt to warm me up. I couldn’t even see my surroundings and my hearing had cut off immediately following the sound of the blast. 

Now that I’d finally run out of tears, I felt completely numb. I was lost in an empty chamber of pain and felt as if the entire world had crumbled around me. I felt myself being lifted and moved but I lacked any energy to resist the action. I was easily carried to a spot where I felt that my heavy body was leaned against a wall. I could still feel Jasper beside me, gripping me to him and became vaguely aware of the weight of his head on my shoulder. I stayed perfectly still, unable to compose a single thought and time seemed an alien concept in the state that I was in.

“We don’t know that they’re dead yet. Bellamy and Octavia are survivors, if anyone could find a way, it’s them. We just have to wait until morning. Don’t give up.” Jasper’s gentle words finally managed to reach me, even in the void of my mind.

“It’s no good Jasper, she’s catatonic.” Clarke’s sympathetic voice followed his and I tried to force myself out of the heaviness that trapped me inside of my own mind. “I don’t know that there’s much we can do, just keep her comfortable until she becomes lucid. I’m sorry.”

I felt myself shivering again but I suspected it was the effects of shock rather than cold. Regardless, Jasper adjusted the jacket that he had placed around me, ensuring that it was fully covering me as he made his best effort to keep me comfortable. 

“It’s Bellamy’s, he took it off earlier to fix up some stuff. You can keep it warm for him until morning. I’m sure he’ll want it back.” He spoke in a hopeful tone and his words drew up a memory of the last moments that I’d seen Bellamy. Jasper was right, he wasn’t wearing his usual jacket, I hadn’t noticed it at the time.

Slowly, piece by piece, the world began to return to me. The sound seeped through first; the fearful voices around me, sniffing as people cried, the heavy breathing of others who were sleeping. Things grew darker as the room came into view, cramped with so many people huddled together in the small space. It was dark inside with only a few small torches to light the ship and I scanned the variety of emotions on the faces of the survivors who waited nervously for the morning. As soon as I started to move Jasper gripped me tighter, assessing me with wide eyes. 

“Indigo!” He breathed and I noticed that his voice was soaked in relief. “I’m so glad you’re back.” He smiled thankfully as his eyes welled up with tears. “It’s been a long night without you.” He stated and I couldn’t manage any kind of facial expression in return. 

“How long until…” I struggled to speak with my sore throat and my words came out in a raspy whisper. I pointed weakly toward the door and then returned my gaze to him for an answer.

“Not long now, we’ve just gotta keep the faith alive until then.” He smiled hopefully and I stared back at him in amazement. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend how he remained so hopeful when he’d witnessed the same bleak chain of events that I had, when he knew the force of the ship better than I did, when he understood the odds. I struggled not to allow my mind to run away with me, picturing what would have happened to those outside when the engines fired and Jasper simply sat squeezing my hand, waiting for a happy ending that he had unshakable confidence in.

The minutes ticked by painfully slowly as we sat in a tense silence. Jasper remained close at my side, keeping his grip on me soothingly. I glanced down at the jacket, running my fingers over the details; the small torn looking patch on the front, the unnecessary extra zip on the sleeve, the shoulder pads I’d placed my hand on the last time I touched him, when I almost kissed him. I pushed the memory forcefully to the back of my mind before it could replay in agonising detail, unable to consider that it might be the last chance that I had.

After what felt like an entire lifetime had passed in the despair of the ship, Clarke approached the door mechanism and finally opened it to face the world. The door slowly tilted down and the group of survivors gathered around it, waiting to see what awaited us on the other side. Jasper jumped to his feet and turned to carefully help me to a standing position. I didn’t realise until then that my body had become so weak, but the strain of the night had left me unstable and sore.

Jasper assisted me outside and once we reached the ramp he allowed me to lead us as he supported my weight. My eyes took a moment to adjust to the daylight, but when they did I could hardly comprehend the destruction that I was witnessing. The earth was scorched black and strewn everywhere were the charred, skeletal remains of a mixture of both forces. I surveyed them with an open mouth, repelled by the results of our actions before slowly turning to face the direction that I knew Bellamy had been last. I wandered slowly as I guided Jasper, tripping as I tried to step over the bodies that were scattered as densely as a carpet. 

I battled with every shred of strength that I could muster to hang on to the hope that Jasper had shared with me. I couldn’t see far into the distance as the group had exited before me and were spreading across camp, so I just focused on heading toward Bellamy, praying that I would see some kind of sign that he had escaped. As we neared the edge of camp, I knew that we couldn’t be far now and my eyes searched for something to help me navigate. Two people in front of us leaned to the side and my stomach lurched as I realised that I was barely a step from where Bellamy and Finn had been fighting. I turned my face to the ground in horror and laid in that spot were two charred skeletons, frozen in motion as they faced each other.

The earth seemed to raise up to meet me as my knees slammed into it and the sound that escaped me hardly even sounded human. The severity of the odds of survival crashed on me in one suffocating impact and any fragile concept of hope shattered into a million pieces. In my gut I knew that there was no time, no chance for them to have escaped their pursuer and make it to somewhere fortified enough to have survived the level of annihilation that we had unleashed. I could feel the hot tears on my cheeks, despite having felt unable to cry any more earlier and my chest burned as I wailed agonisingly into the air. I felt Jasper’s comforting grip on my shoulders and he attempted to move me away but I aggressively shook him off. I leaned forward, taking my head in my hands as I felt my body shaking violently. I sat back up and as my eyes landed on them again, my vision rapidly blurred. I questioned whether the pain had finally pushed me over the brink to insanity and gasped out for air as everything faded to black.


	29. Aᴄᴛ II

═❖════✦══『✙』══✦════❖═

_"__𝑌𝑜𝑢__𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙__𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒__𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒__𝑦𝑜𝑢__𝑐𝑎𝑛__'__𝑡__𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒__𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡__, __𝑎𝑛𝑑__𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟_ℎ_𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡__𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙__𝑏𝑒__𝑏𝑎𝑑𝑙𝑦__𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑘𝑒𝑛__, __𝑎𝑛𝑑__𝑡ℎ𝑒__𝑏𝑎𝑑__𝑛𝑒𝑤𝑠__𝑖𝑠__𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡__𝑦𝑜𝑢__𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟__𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦__𝑔𝑒𝑡__𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟__𝑡ℎ𝑒__𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑠__𝑜𝑓__𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟__𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑__. _

_𝐵𝑢𝑡__𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠__𝑖𝑠__𝑎𝑙𝑠𝑜__𝑡ℎ𝑒__𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑__𝑛𝑒𝑤𝑠__. __𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑦__𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒__𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟__𝑖𝑛__𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟__𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑘𝑒𝑛_ℎ_𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡__𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡__𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠𝑛__'__𝑡__𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑙__𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘__𝑢𝑝__. __𝐴𝑛𝑑__𝑦𝑜𝑢__𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒__𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ__. _

_𝐼𝑡__'__𝑠__𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒_ℎ_𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔__𝑎__𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑘𝑒𝑛__𝑙𝑒𝑔__𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡__𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟_ℎ_𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑠__𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑙𝑦__—__𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡__𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙_ℎ_𝑢𝑟𝑡𝑠__𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛__𝑡ℎ𝑒__𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟__𝑔𝑒𝑡𝑠__𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑑__, __𝑏𝑢𝑡__𝑦𝑜𝑢__𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑛__𝑡𝑜__𝑑𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒__𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ__𝑡ℎ𝑒__𝑙𝑖𝑚𝑝__."_

**_― _**𝐴𝑛𝑛𝑒𝐿𝑎𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑡

Tʜᴇ 100 Sᴇᴀsᴏɴ 2

"𝑉𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑦 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑜𝑓 𝑠𝑎𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑒." **\- **𝐿𝑒𝑥𝑎𝑘𝑜𝑚𝑇𝑟𝑖𝑘𝑟𝑢

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖


	30. Mᴀɴɪᴀ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FOR THIS CHAPTER IN PARTICULAR PLEASE BE AWARE OF TRIGGER WARNINGS. I HAVE TRIED TO KEEP DETAILS AS SPARSE AS POSSIBLE TO BE RESPECTFUL, BUT THERE ARE SOME SERIOUS TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER.

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Hᴜᴍᴀɴ Tʀɪᴀʟs

I woke in a clinically white, cool room lying on an actual bed for the first time in my life. In a state of confusion, I glanced around at all of the white furniture and the perfectly sterile surfaces. I bolted upright and noticed that I had been cleaned too; my skin had no trace of dirt remaining anywhere and I was shocked to find that I had forgotten how that felt. I had been changed out of my well worn clothes into a pristine white vest and shorts and as I ran my fingers through my hair in a stressed manner I noticed that even that was clean. My heart sank as I was struck by the absence of Bellamy’s jacket as I felt as if it had been holding the last of my fragile psyche together. I swung my legs from the bed with urgency and startled as my bare feet touched the smooth, cold floor.

I marched toward the white door to the room and yanked it with a determined force, unsurprised to find that it was locked. There was a small circular window in the door and I peered through it to find a long hallway that was lined with identical doors. My gut lurched with the instinct that this wasn’t a good sign. A feeling of dread pushed my back and I scanned the room in search of another way out but was disappointed to find that wasn’t even an air vent in sight. My legs trembled lightly as my breathing grew shallow and it was barely seconds before the shaking spread across my entire body. I felt panic rising from my stomach and it gripped my chest in a crushing sensation. I desperately threw myself at the door repeatedly, screaming out with the madness that flooded my body. I couldn’t tell how many times I did this or how long had passed until eventually the door creaked open to reveal several people in some kind of biohazard suits. They approached me carefully and I dropped into a crouch as I held my hands out in front of me defensively. 

“Indigo, it's okay. We’re not your enemy, we’re here to help.”

I analysed them in confusion, glimpsing from one to the other as they split to approach me from either side. I had no concept of who they were or how they knew my name but my immediate reaction was not to trust a word that they spoke. 

“We’re not going to hurt you. Just relax.” 

The other appealed to me this time as they closed in and my heartbeat pounded in my ears as I prepared to fight. The first reached out to place a gloved hand on me and I snatched their arm, twisting it until I heard a snap. They cried out as they fell forward to the ground and I turned to sweep my leg out to trip the other. I faced the door but there were already three other suited assailants charging inside and I stumbled backwards a couple of steps to buy myself time. Two of them surged forward and attempted to secure my arms in a hold as the third approached with a syringe raised. I kicked behind the knee of one of those containing me and the other squeezed me into their solid grip in an attempt to prevent me from escaping. 

In a frenzy I struggled against them and as the last standing attacker grew closer with the needle, I instinctively lashed out to bite the person holding me. They released their grip on me just enough to allow me to strike them across the face which caused them to stumble away. I managed a single long stride toward the remaining suit before I felt a sharp jab in my back. I glanced over my shoulder to witness the first person I’d incapacitated drop a syringe as they recoiled from me and realised that I’d been injected with something. I struggled to keep my balance as my head spun and I tipped to the side. I reached out to grab the end of the bed and managed to stabilise myself for a few more seconds before I dropped to my knees.

“What the hell is wrong with her?! She’s not like the others.” One of the suited people spoke as they approached my side. I clung to the bed to prevent myself from falling backwards as my entire top half felt unbearably heavy. “Are you sure they didn’t have a pet Outsider? She’s wild.” They added bitterly and I was confused by their terminology. I couldn’t control my grip any longer and fell onto my back, flattening out on the smooth floor. 

“I’m sure. She’s one of them. But you’re right, she’s worse than the leader.” The person standing over me replied as I battled to keep my eyes open. _ The others? The leader? _I panicked internally as I analysed that they must be keeping more of our people captive, including Clarke. I couldn’t fight against the heavy exhaustion that washed over me and my eyes gradually blinked closed.

***

When I next opened my eyes it was to a familiar face and I found that I had been returned to the bed as if the earlier struggle had been nothing more than a dream. The only indication that it had actually happened was that my body felt heavy and lethargic in an unnatural manner. Clarke sat on the end of the bed watching me with concern. She was clean, her skin fresh other than a few scrapes and she was dressed in pastel clothing. She looked so different that it was jarring, as if the last few months weren’t even real. I questioned if she was truly there or simply a vision of my drugged mind.

“Hey Indigo.” She spoke in a small voice and I couldn’t manage a response through the fog of my mind. “You’re okay, we’re at Mount Weather. There are survivors here and they’ve taken us in.” She explained slowly but her words were so preposterous that I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. “I was scared when I woke up too, but everyone is downstairs. They’re all safe.” She added reassuringly and my eyes snapped up to meet hers in hopeful shock. “Well...not everyone.” She confirmed guiltily and my stomach dropped. For a moment I had hoped that I had misunderstood the situation at camp, that Bellamy and Octavia were going to walk in clean and well dressed like her. But no one entered the room to rescue me and Clarke continued to shift awkwardly. I tried to force some words out but simply stuttered mindlessly and felt myself becoming frustrated at the strength of the medication they’d given me. She waited patiently for me to find the words and leaned in as I battled to make a sound. 

“Get away...from me.” I whispered with a bitterness that was clear even in my soft voice and she widened her eyes with an air of devastation.

“Indigo, I did what I had to do. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.” She justified as her eyebrows furrowed together. “But I think they’re still alive, I feel it in my gut. I want to go look for them.” She confided and I scoffed in a mixture of disbelief and anger as I felt myself gaining more control. 

There was a pit of fury brewing inside of me as she observed me with a remorseful expression and I had to acknowledge that I didn’t have the energy to reach her where she sat. Instead I forced a stutter and pretended to struggle to speak to prompt her to lean closer. I made an overdramatic performance of the difficulty I was experiencing until she moved right into my space. Without any hesitation, I grabbed her face and smashed it into the metal unit that was beside the bed. 

“How dare you come in here and try to justify your decision to me. _ You _ left them out there to die! They’re dead because of you!” I snarled in a hoarse voice that barely conveyed the rage that I felt and Clarke gasped before she leapt backwards out of my reach with astonishment. The commotion summed the people in suits as she slowly backed away from me and I had used too much energy to fight them. Before I could even process what was happening I was unconscious again. 

My medication induced coma was torture as I was forced to watch a nightmare reel of the horrors that I’d witnessed in recent days. The images flashed through my brain on repeat: Bellamy hanging lifeless in the dropship, the charred bodies in camp, Charlotte jumping from the cliff as described by Bellamy, Roma speared to the tree, Octavia almost dying in the river, Monty disappearing into the woods, Jasper being speared on the first day in camp. The most vivid of all was Bellamy being beaten to death by the grounder leader in what was now the last time I’d ever seen him. I would have given anything to stop the images and time was meaningless whilst I was trapped revisiting the memories.

When I finally floated into consciousness I was stunned to find Jasper hovering over me with a relieved smile. I was completely reclined in the bed now, wrapped in the covers and tucked in so carefully that I could only imagine that it was Jasper’s doing. I lifted my arm and felt something attached to me. I nervously investigated only to find a drip attached to a medication bag. 

“Hey Indie.” Jasper breathed and I glanced back at him with confusion. “The doctors said that you weren’t doing so well, they’re just giving you something to keep you calm.” He smiled warmly at me as he explained. I didn’t feel so drugged now, as if I’d finally slept off the shot and was hopeful that whatever they had in the drip would be more manageable. “I know it’s hard to adjust, especially after everything that just happened in camp but this is just a quarantine to check that we’re safe to mix with the others. We all went through it. There’s so much more on the other side: our friends. Even Monty’s here! And their food, it’s unlike anything you’ve ever tasted!” He enthused in a flurry before slowing back down to a soft tone. “So you just focus on getting better so you can join us, it’s not the same without you.” He added with a hint of sadness and I stared at him in disbelief for a moment. 

“Did you say Monty’s here?” I repeated doubtfully and he nodded, earning a small gasp from my lips. “You must be so relieved.” I breathed as I felt a weight lift from me. I smiled for a moment in appreciation before I remembered my other losses and felt strangely conflicted by the storm of emotions.

“Look, I know when I thought I’d lost Monty it was awful. I thought about him constantly, every good or bad moment I’d ever had with him haunted me.” He divulged as he reached over to squeeze my hand and I watched him with tear filled eyes. “I know what you’re going through and it is soul destroying.” He confirmed with an authenticity that reached into my heart. “But you _ have _ to get out of it. You’re still alive, they wouldn’t want you to give up.” He suggested in a way that tried to be inspiring and although I appreciated his compassion, his statement felt impossible.

“They took Bellamy’s jacket, do you think you could get it back?” I requested in a timid, vulnerable voice that sounded more childish than I was comfortable with. He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. 

“I’m sorry Indie but I can’t. They took all of our original clothes and basically anything we were carrying, it’s a contamination risk. They’re vulnerable to the radiation here, that’s why we have to go through quarantine.” He explained regretfully and I sighed in disappointment. The idea of recovering from this grief felt all the more impossible without that safety blanket. “It’s easier if you accept their ways here. I know that we had to do whatever it took to survive out there, but we don’t have to fight anymore.” He remarked with a hopeful expression and I sighed deeply, watching him in an assessing manner. 

“How do you know we can trust them?” I asked and couldn’t contain a feeling of suspicion at his sudden faith in these new people. It didn’t help that I’d only had negative socialisation with them thus far, but the entire place felt uncomfortable to me.

“Oh not you too.” He rolled his eyes at me in frustration and I was confused by his dramatic reaction. “You and Clarke are more alike than you even realise.” He commented and I glared at him, furious with his judgement. When I considered the disgusted light that I currently viewed her in, I couldn’t think of anything more insulting and I couldn’t understand why he would make the comparison. “We have no reason not to trust them. They took us in, fed us, clothed us and they’re not asking for anything in return. Sometimes you have to take a chance at trusting first.” He argued with a passion that only heightened my feeling of unease.

“Taking chances has resulted in nothing but getting us killed so far, what makes this different?” I questioned in an attempt to reach a sensible dialogue about our option but he pulled away from me, getting to his feet with a sharp movement.

“Why are you both so determined to ruin this for us?! We’re safe for the first time in months, don’t sabotage that for the rest of us!” He raised his voice as he paced around and I observed his behaviour with a startled dread. “Clarke’s gone! She broke out and made us look like a bunch of ungrateful, untrustworthy idiots!” He spat and I struggled to lift myself into a sitting position so that I could view him properly. 

“Why would she do that?” I investigated as I began to worry that she might have seen some kind of threat. I rapidly became aware that I had not seen the condition of the others, or had a chance to assess the safety of the place of our captors. I felt my anxiety building in my chest as the ideas hurtled through my mind and bounced off the walls.

“She thinks that Bellamy and Finn are alive out there. She said that they may have other survivors too. She wanted our help to look for them.” He explained as he rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in exasperation. He was pacing beside the bed now and I was surprised by the level of restlessness in his usually chilled personality.

“The weight of a guilty conscience.” I commented involuntarily as I leaned back into bed a reclined position in the bed. “But what if she’s right-“ I began before Jasper cut me off.

“She did what she had to do to keep us safe!” He snapped aggressively and I flinched at the tone that was unexpected on him. “ It was an impossible decision, but it’s the only reason any of us are still alive.” He exclaimed as he met my eyes with a poignant expression and squirmed under my gaze.

“Why are you sticking up for her?” I grilled as I assessed him closely. Barely a moment ago he had been blaming her for messing up our new life and this seemed like a strange change of opinion.

“Because I made the decision too!” He confessed as he dropped his eyes to the ground to avoid me. “When the engines didn’t fire I helped Harper to fix the trigger whilst you were beating the hell out of Anya. I didn’t want to do it but I couldn’t think of any other way to get us out of that mess. Clarke’s letting that drive her insane and so are you, but I’m not going to go down with you.” When he finally viewed me again it was with a defensive expression but I could recognise the guilt that hid behind the mask of anger that he wore. He spoke with vitriol and I could hardly believe what I was hearing. “Bellamy and Octavia are dead. You need to deal with that and move on.” He spat in a tone that was hurtful before he turned on his heel to storm from the room.

The shock of his words washed over me, leaving me unable to speak or even understand what had just happened. I couldn’t understand how he had become so dedicated to our new home already and now that I knew that Clarke had caused issues I was concerned. The familiar drowsiness built from the constant sedative and I felt my eyes slipping closed but I still managed to remain awake. The thoughts swirled around in the haze of my mind as I tried to identify exactly what I was feeling. I became aware of people around me but I couldn’t open my eyes or speak.

“Sir we’re using an awful lot of medication on this one. Surely it would be better to cut her loose.” An unfamiliar voice spoke and I felt the cold touch of someone checking my pulse.

“Consider it an investment. She could be an asset in gaining their trust. It would show them that we won’t give up, even on their most troublesome member.” A male voice responded in a clinical manner that sent chills down my spine before I was finally dragged to sleep. 

After Jasper’s verbal outburst my dreams were vivid and full of horror. I witnessed Bellamy and Octavia dying in the fires over and over in my mind as their bodies dissolved into ash. I pictured them screaming for mercy, begging us to spare them. Murphy’s taunting face repeatedly appeared to remind me that I had failed them, that I’d never see them again. I couldn’t focus on anything besides my despair and felt my mind snapping from the stress.

I forced myself awake in a bolt and the adrenaline in my system overrode the sedatives. I screamed wildly into the space as tears poured down my cheeks and I was devastated when the visions continued in my mind. It was impossible to escape them even with my eyes open and I recognised that I was hallucinating. The guilt and grief were an unbearable force of their own and they were crushing me under their weight. I reached over and ripped the drip from my arm in a desperate bid not to be sent to sleep again. Murphy’s vicious insults rang around in my head at a deafening volume and I covered my ears in a manic attempt to quiet them. Octavia and Bellamy’s faces continued to haunt me and I could hardly breathe through my tears.

I moved in a daze that was so thick that I was unable to even tell what I was doing. My eyes were drawn to a scalpel that had been left on the bedside table and I gulped as I considered the only suggestion my grief ridden brain could give. I reached for it without thinking and stared at my wrists for a long while as the memories tormented me. Time seemed to stand still until I found myself sprawled on the floor, leaned back against the bed. I had no knowledge of how I’d got there but the chaos had faded into a suffocating silence. I couldn’t move my arms and my clothes were damp as I noticed a growing puddle of blood surrounding me. I had no regrets about what I’d done as the reality of my actions struck me and instead I simply hoped to be with my family soon. I could feel my head growing heavy and my eyes were no longer able to focus on my surroundings. Suddenly, I became aware that someone was moving me and I tried to struggle against them but I couldn’t control my body any more. I was hurriedly laid on the soft bed and I could sense several people surrounding me. The only sensation that remained was the tight grip of someone maintaining pressure on my wrists. 

“No, no…please don’t…” I hardly managed to whisper in the blurred space but I was heartbroken to find that there was no acknowledgement of my words or my desires.

“Every drop of this blood is precious; we cannot afford to waste any of it!” I heard the same male voice from earlier but could not find a face through my darkening sight. He was clearly furious now and I was confused by his words. “It will be deeply suspect if she dies whilst under observation. Keep her alive.” His words were insistent and full of authority as he ordered the flurry of people around me. The puzzling statement was the last thing that I heard before fading into darkness.

The familiar horror show began again and I truly felt as if there were no escape. It was painfully clear that my captors had no intention of allowing me to die and I could not continue to live with the torture of my mind. I worried about what they were doing to the others, whether they were safe and why they were going to such lengths to keep me alive. Most of all, I was haunted by the voice of the man who instructed those in suits and I feared his intentions above all else.

I slowly felt myself waking again in the bright white room and could feel the overpowering weakness of my body. It was immediately clear that it wasn’t the same feeling of the drugs, but an effect of the injuries that I’d inflicted on myself. My heavy eyelids gradually fluttered open to see Monty sat beside my bed, smiling at me hopefully. 

“Hey Trouble.” He spoke softly and my eyes filled with tears of joy as I absorbed the familiar warmth of his smile. I tried to bolt forward to embrace him but I barely managed to flinch as I realised that I was restricted. My eyes roamed down to discover that I was confined to the bed by padded restraints and I flitted my attention back to him in horror. He peeked over his shoulder and I followed his line of sight to notice another suited person observing our interaction from the corner of the room. “Can we get these off? They’re really not necessary.” He asked as he indicated to the restraints with a tone of disbelief..

“She’s still considered high risk. She attacked your leader.” They shifted uncomfortably as they answered him and he rolled his eyes at me before he turned to face them.

“Yeah but that was Clarke, it wasn’t without reason.” Monty reasoned as he regarded her with a hint of annoyance. “She won’t hurt me.” He asserted firmly, prompting them to approach me cautiously. 

They quickly unlocked the restraints and immediately jumped backwards to ensure that they were out of my reach. In the very first moment that I was free to move he pulled me into his arms and gripped me tightly. I clung to him like he was my life raft in a storm, holding one hand on the back of his head for comfort.

“I’m so glad you’re safe.” I breathed in a cracking voice and I held onto him for a long while before we finally broke apart. “It’s so good to see you, you look well. I never thought I would see you again.” I sniffed as I rubbed my eyes to remove the beginning of tears. I noticed that his gaze caught on the large padded bandages that were now on my wrists and I dropped my face to avoid meeting his eyes.

“It’s good to see you too. I wish I could say you were looking good.” He sighed, leaning forward to take my hand in his. “I’m not going to say that I know what you’re going through because I don’t. When Jasper was taken by the grounders I was devastated and I only got through it because I had hope that I would get him back. He’s like a brother to me and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. You lost your sister and we all know how you felt about Bellamy. I don’t know what it’s like but I understand.” He spoke in such a gentle voice that I couldn’t avoid him any longer and as our eyes met, a few tears escaped my composure. I quickly wiped them away before I could be swept away with the emotions that I felt.

“Thank you Monty, it means a lot for you to be here.” I whispered in an attempt to keep my voice even and controlled. “Especially after…I think I upset Jasper, I didn’t mean to.” I trailed off, unsure of who was in the wrong in our earlier conversation. He sighed deeply with a sympathetic expression. 

“He told me what happened. He was angry at Clarke and then you questioned things…he lashed out and he regrets it, especially since you…” He abruptly stopped talking and it was clear that he was struggling to find the words as he stared at my wrists. “He wanted to come with me to apologise but he didn’t want to stress you out any more. So just try not to worry about him for now, you’ll have your chance to talk if you want it.” He smiled warmly and squeezed my hand encouragingly.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, enjoying each other's familiar company and I stared at him in amazement. His presence returned a shred of hope to my heart to see that he was alive and well, sitting at my side. I never dreamed that we would spend easy time together like this again and I was thankful for every moment that passed.

“You’re past the time of quarantine now. So when you feel up to it you can come to the main floor and see everyone. We all miss you up there.” He studied me hopefully and I sighed deeply. I was still unsure if I felt ready to pretend that everything was alright yet.

“Maybe not just yet.” I answered in an uncertain voice and although he tried to hide it, I noted that his face fell slightly. “It sounds like Jasper’s a pretty big fan already. He was raving about the food. Is it really as good as he says, or was he just trying to lure me up there?” I tried to speak playfully but my voice was too raspy and refused to cooperate.

“I guess you’ll have to come up and find out.” He teased and I smiled for the first time. “I know that you’re struggling Indie, I know it seems hopeless but if you just stay in here, alone with your thoughts, you’re not giving yourself a chance. You know they wouldn’t have wanted that.” Monty’s reasonable nature was far more natural than Jasper’s and I could feel that his words were carefully considered.

“It doesn’t matter what they would want, they’re gone.” I spat and I was surprised to sense a stab of viciousness in my tone that I hadn’t intended. I forced myself to soften my face as I met his startled eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m really not myself right now.” I spoke in a small, apologetic voice. I was finding it difficult to navigate my emotions through my grief and I seemed to be swaying between them too quickly to keep up. He nodded back and smiled with understanding in the way that he always did. “Tell me something, if it’s so great up there, why did Clarke run off?” I quizzed as I seized the opportunity to investigate with someone reasonable.

“Who really knows.” He sighed in a thoughtful manner. “I think she just couldn’t adjust to the safety after all the time of protecting us. She didn’t trust anyone or anything, she was seeing danger everywhere, even where it wasn’t.” He explained and his words sent shivers down my spine. As much as I had disagreed with Clarke in the past and I wouldn’t deny that I hated her now. I knew that her instincts had always been sharp and she’d seen danger that the others missed more than once. If she believed there was danger here, I needed to investigate this place too. No matter how I felt I wasn’t about to lose anyone else. “Even though they told her that they would keep looking for any other survivors and try to find anyone at the Ark crash sites, she couldn’t believe them. She wanted to go and look for herself.” He revealed and I was careful to cover my interest at the mention of the Ark crash sites.

“Yeah well, guilt will do that to you.” I replied coldly in an effort to distract from the conversation as I made a mental note to return to the topic later.

“You gave her a pretty nasty black eye for someone so fragile.” Monty commented with an amused expression and I couldn’t contain a slight smile at the mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

“Who said I’m fragile?” I drawled as I raised a brow at him and as I spoke again I noticed someone entering the room behind him. “I could still kick your ass.” I stated with a lilt of entertainment in my voice as the stranger slowly approached with what appeared to be another bag of medication for the drip stand. I felt my stomach twist into knots at the sight of it and felt fear gripping my chest as I considered returning to sleep. 

“I wouldn’t doubt that for a moment.” Monty chuckled lightly under his breath. Without the time for subtlety I reached out and grabbed his arm, clinging to him manically. 

“I’ll go with you.” I commented as I tried to force a confident smile but I couldn’t even lift my lips through the building anxiety over the medication.

“But…you said you weren’t ready yet?” He questioned as he assessed me doubtfully. The person carrying the medication arrived at my side and smiled at Monty as they set out their supplies on the bed.

“Monty please...don’t let them sedate me again.” I hissed with panic gripping my voice and he glanced from me to the supplies. “I can’t…I can’t do the nightmares again. Please.” I begged and my voice cracked under the stress. His eyes widened in shock and he jumped to his feet, throwing a hand to the person with the medication to half their progress. 

“Wait!” He barked loudly causing the assistant to flinch. “Don’t sedate her. She’s coming with me so I’m gonna need her to be able to walk.” He quickly forced a calm demeanour and softened his voice back to a relaxed tone that likely sounded natural to me, but I could still hear the hint of concern in his words. He smiled encouragingly at them, but they seemed sceptical as they surveyed him.

“I’ve been instructed to keep her mediated for her own safety. These wounds will take a while to heal, so it’s crucial that they are cared for too. She needs to be here for a few more days at least.” They responded in a flat tone that revealed a lack of empathy and Monty was obviously wildly searching for ideas as I stared up at him in desperation. 

“I think she’s better off being around her own people, I’ll take personal responsibility for her.” He stated firmly and they moved to continue with their task. Monty stepped hurried into a position where he could block them from reaching me and held his hands up in surrender. “Please, can I just speak to someone about this?” He pleaded and they considered him reluctantly. After several tense minutes passed, they put the medication down and left us alone together. As soon as the door closed behind them, Monty turned to fix me with a serious expression. “Look, you’re going to have to agree to whatever they say if I’m gonna get you out sooner, alright?” He instructed and I nodded keenly in acceptance. The door swung open again to reveal an older man who was wearing a badly faded suit. He approached us calmly with an air of great importance and Monty straightened up at the sight of him. “Mr President, I didn’t mean to bring you into this.” Monty breathed nervously and I studied the man with interest.

“It’s quite alright young man. The staff explained that it was important for you to see Miss Sloan here and I hope it’s been beneficial to her recovery.” The man began with an authoritative manner to his speech and I was immediately unnerved by him. “What you must understand is that she is still in recovery and after the antics of your leader, I’m sure you can appreciate that our doctors wish to be cautious with your rather troublesome friend.” He confirmed with a sly glance at me. 

“I completely understand sir and I’m really sorry that you’ve had problems with her.” Monty declared and I knew that I’d chosen the right person for this task. I relied on Monty’s level headed nature to take control of this situation. “I know that she attacked your people but she was afraid just like the rest of us and not in her right mind. She’s grieving, she lost her family in the fight at camp and it was Clarke’s decision that caused that, so that’s why she attacked her too. She’s been calm and reasonable the whole time that I’ve been here with her and I really think that if she was with her own people she’d recover faster.” Monty explained in an impressive attempt at diplomacy. The man sighed deeply and took a few moments to reflect on Monty’s speech whilst I waited with baited breath.

“Be that as it may, there are precautions that must be followed if your friend here is going to integrate with us more successfully than Clarke.” He spoke with a poignant inspection of me and I fidgeted awkwardly as he turned to address me. “You will need to attend appointments with the doctors to have your wounds cared for. You will also need to attend counselling with one of our people regularly so that they can assess your mental state and risk. What you have been through is difficult and grief is an unpredictable process. We need to ensure that you are not going to be a danger to us.” He explained before returning his attention to Monty. “If she leaves here she will be your responsibility, so you need to be willing to make sure she keeps to these rules.” He added firmly and I felt my stomach flip at this demand.

“Yes sir, I understand.” Monty answered without hesitation and I was surprised that he was willing to do this for me.

“Well alright then, why don’t we give Miss Sloan a minute to change in private?” The man smiled as he indicated to the door and Monty flashed me with a hesitant smile before allowing himself to be led from the room. 


	31. Lɪᴛᴛʟᴇ Bʏ Lɪᴛᴛʟᴇ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇs:** Hᴜᴍᴀɴ Tʀɪᴀʟs; Fᴏɢ Oғ Wᴀʀ

Once Monty and the President left, someone wheeled in a suitcase and placed it in front of me. They opened it to reveal several outfits, pairs of shoes and items of jewellery, then left without a single word. I stared at the contents of the case in wonder, I’d never seen clothing like this. Everything felt soft and clean, and was made of fabric that was delicate to the touch. There were two pairs of high heels that I couldn’t imagine how you were supposed to walk in and a pair of simple brogues. Everything I’d been supplied with was painfully feminine and I felt uncomfortable at the idea of wearing most of it. I brushed my fingers along the outfit options; a white chiffon blouse and floaty blue skirt, a while floaty dress with sunflowers on or a black dress. I pulled out the black dress to examine it closer, deciding that it seemed the most modest of the options. It had buttons down the centre with delicate little straps and the skirt was knee length. It had tiny white flowers patterned all over it but it was much less noticeable than the sunflowers on the other dress and I’d never really been comfortable wearing white. I slid the dress on carefully with a deep fear of damaging the material and buttoned it up. I flipped open a compartment under the hanging jewellery to find a hair brush and a mirror on the reverse. I brushed my hair for the first time in longer than I could remember, taking a while to get through all of the knots and damage. Once done I viewed myself in the mirror and paused in shock. It felt like I didn’t recognise myself.

Although I never considered myself particularly attractive, the person that stared back at me aged ten years since we left the Ark. The deep circles under my eyes revealed an exhaustion that could only come from months of sleep deprivation, my skin was dull and washed out causing me to look paler than usual. My face was thinner from the struggle for food causing my cheekbones to protrude more than they ever did naturally. There was still some light bruising on various parts of my face with grazes scattered about and the large, ugly scar which tore through my left eyebrow. My eyes were glazed over in a lifeless manner and when I stared into them, I couldn’t feel anything. I assessed myself in the dress with my bandages clearly revealed and felt uncomfortable. I had never felt any desire to be feminine and the clothes felt wrong on me. I couldn’t help wondering what Bellamy would think if he could see me now and had to quickly force the thought from my mind as my eyes filled with tears. I was reaching out to take the brogues, the lesser of the three evil pairs of shoes, when Monty entered the room. He took a few steps in, saw me and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Wow, you look so pretty.” He breathed as he studied me with a shocked expression. I squirmed awkwardly on the spot and felt that I would quite like the ground to swallow me under his assessing gaze.

“Thanks, I hate it.” I replied in a gruff voice and he chuckled in amusement. He shook himself from his surprise and strolled over to the bed to take a seat just behind me. 

“I thought you might, so I collected these from their stores.” He handed me a pair of battered, old lace up black leather boots and a pair of thick socks. I took them from him with a smile and sat beside him to put them on. When I finished lacing them I glanced over to him and realised that he was surveying my wrists nervously. I sighed as I steeled myself to the idea that everyone would look at the heavy bandaging when I got to the communal area and couldn’t contain the feeling that I was exposed. “I know this is a difficult process for you. I know that you’re hurting so I pulled a few strings. I want to make this as easy for you as I can.” Monty started to explain as he fidgeted to grasp something that he’d been hiding behind his back. “Jasper mentioned that this helped you a lot during the night in the dropship and that you asked for it. It had to go through some serious decontamination protocols, but it’s still his…”

He held something out to me and as I took the black fabric in my hands, my heart flipped. I ran my fingers over the details exactly as I had during the night when I was last wrapped in it to reassure myself but I knew immediately that it was Bellamy’s jacket. I gripped it tightly to my chest as the tears came thick and fast. Monty pondered me in anguish and placed an arm around my shoulders to guide me into him. He sat in a calm silence and allowed me all of the time that I needed to regain control of myself. I dried my face and slid the jacked on gently. It was so oversized on me that I could overlap the front and I pulled it tight around me in the hope that I might fool my brain into thinking that Bellamy was holding me. 

The jacket smelt unnaturally clean and I was crestfallen to find that it no longer smelt of him. I tried not to allow the disappointment to show on my face, appreciative that Monty had gone to such lengths to get it back for me. I tried to remind myself of what Monty had said when he presented it to me; that no matter what had been done to the jacket, it was still Bellamy’s and it connected me to him. I opened my eyes to see Monty observing my reaction closely and I smiled earnestly at him. 

“Thank you.” I whispered gratefully and he smiled in return. I stood with a slightly nervous shake in my legs still but I felt much more comfortable with my arms covered and followed him from the room. He led me to an elevator and I waited nervously as it transported us away from the horrors of the white room. He examined me as I fiddled with my hands and I was overwhelmed with anxiety, unsure if I was ready to face the survivors of our camp. 

“They’re all going to be so pleased to see you.” He smiled warmly as he tapped my arm to catch my eyes and I nodded in acknowledgement as I took a deep breath. We walked through several more sets of doors before we finally turned into a room filled with bunk beds and familiar faces. As we entered people quickly gathered around us with excited smiles. 

“Hey, it’s Indigo!” A voice called from the back and several people reached out to touch me. I felt suffocated by the attention and tried to step back to gain some space. Before I could, Jasper burst through the crowd and threw his arms around me dramatically. I was taken aback by his reaction as I stumbled under the force of his embrace and I peeked over his shoulder to see Monty chuckling at the sight of us.

“I’m sorry.” Jasper breathed in my ear, then stepped back to view me with apologetic eyes. “I shouldn’t have said what I did, it was selfish and cruel. The last thing I ever wanted to do is make your suffering worse and-” He rambled and I quickly held a hand up to stop him.

“It’s okay Jasper, we’re good.” I stated with a smile and I could easily identify that he was holding back tears as I squeezed his arm fondly. I scanned the small crowd that had gathered and managed to pick out a few faces that I knew: Miller, Fox, Harper. I breezed through the rest but most were people that I recognised but didn't really know. I couldn’t help the invasive image of the Blake’s bursting through to pull me into a hug from filling my mind and it caused a pang in my chest. As I considered those that I would like to see I realised that another face was missing. “Raven?” I asked as I looked to Jasper for answers. He cleared his throat and looked at me with a pained expression. 

“Sorry Indie, she didn’t make it.” He confirmed and my face fell at his words as I fought not to tear up again. It seemed that there was hardly anyone left that I considered family and I felt a surge of appreciation that I still had the two boys that watched me fondly as I thought. It was clear that Monty was able to sense my upset, as he leaned around to catch my eye. 

“You know we were about to leave for dinner, how about you get a taste of the food that Jasper won’t stop raving about?” He suggested in a playful tone and I forced a smile.

I sat in the lunch hall with the boys and surveyed the others that filled the tables around us. Everyone was very smartly dressed and I was the only person who didn’t seem to fit. I adjusted the jacket, needing to feel it’s comfort as I observed the others smiling and chatting in a carefree manner. Although I was happy to witness the sight of everyone clean and well-fed, it was strangely jarring compared to how I was used to seeing them and I couldn’t help feeling the strange sense that it wasn’t real. Jasper set a plate of food in front of me and although I felt absolutely no hunger, I forced myself to try some as he waited eagerly for my reaction. As the food passed my lips my eyes fluttered closed and I leaned back in surprise. I opened them again to find Jasper and Monty watching me with smug expressions. I chewed the food slowly, savouring every flavour and it only heightened the feeling that this couldn’t possibly be real. 

“Okay, you weren’t kidding! This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten.” I admitted and Jasper broke into a wide smile.

“Wait until you taste the cake.” He answered coyly and I laughed.

***

It was a long and stressful night even in the room surrounded by my campmates. Jasper and Monty protectively ensured that I was on a bunk bed with one of them above and the other beside me. Although I felt safer surrounded by them, I still awoke frequently from nightmares that made me too afraid to sleep. I ate breakfast with them in a dazed, exhausted state and despite the food continuing it’s incredible standard, I couldn’t find the same joy in it as they did. I attended the medical bay as promised where a doctor dutifully cleaned my wrists and applied fresh dressings. When I returned to the dorms I was startled to find that no one was there and rushed in a stressed jog to the recreation area. Most of our group was there and I wandered through in search of the boys. By the time I’d checked the whole room with no success I started to get panicked. I turned sharply on the spot to storm back into the hall when Harper stepped into my path. 

“Hey Indigo, are you alright? You look nervous?” She enquired as she assessed my frantic behaviour in concern.

“I’m fine.” I snapped impatiently as I tired of the babysitting attitude of those around me. “Have you seen Jasper and Monty?” I examined over her shoulder as I spoke and could already feel my mind considering where else I could search for them.

“Oh. No, I think they were called to help out with something.” She shrugged in a casual manner that prickled me. “I’m sure they’ll be back soon. Why don’t you wait with us?” She smiled encouragingly and I was confused by how relaxed she was. I reluctantly took a seat with her and several other girls who were settled in a small circle.

I listened to their inane chatter but didn’t add anything to the conversation, instead watching the door obsessively for any sign of the boys returning. It seemed that everyone had adjusted to the safety of the bunker as I reflected on how differently we would have reacted if we couldn’t find someone back in camp. Fox bought over a cup of tea with a smile and set it down beside me before taking a seat in the group. 

“It’s real tea like everything here. I know Monty mentioned that you missed it from the Ark.” She smiled warmly and a couple of the others turned their attention to me too. “It’s really great to have you back Indigo, especially with Clarke gone now too...we’re pretty much out of all our original leaders. You did a lot for us back in camp. It helps to know you’re still with us.” She stated with a thankful tone to her voice.

I shifted awkwardly in my seat as I felt the eyes of everyone in the small social circle now on me. I wasn’t used to this kind of attention; I’d grown comfortable with being the dangerous outsider in the Skybox and even the unpredictable, wild one in camp. The reality of people fussing over me now was unsettling.

“How are you really holding up? I know it’s been a difficult adjustment without…” Harper began to speak but trailed off and turned her face away awkwardly.

“I told you I’m fine.” I muttered as I sipped the tea and wished they’d stop viewing me as if I might shatter at any moment. “I’m no leader, never have been. I did what I did for my loved ones, and now they’re gone.” I added as I stared down at the teacup in an effort to keep my voice calm and measured. I could sense the pitying looks from those surrounding me and couldn’t stand to regard them. I heard a loud scoff from behind the group and peeked up to find Del perceiving me with a disbelieving smirk. 

“You’re not really buying into this bullshit sob story, are you?” He drawled causing the girls to glare over their shoulders at him in annoyance.

“You got something to say to me Del?” I growled with a fury that began to build from my stomach and I felt myself holding the teacup with an unnecessarily tight grip. Del stood with an arrogant stance. He scrutinised me with a sadistic smile as he stepped slightly closer but remained separated from me by the ring of girls. 

“This whole broken-hearted act is bullshit. You want everyone to feel sorry for you and its working; look at you, surrounded by people who didn’t give a shit about you before you cut yourself up. You’re telling me you almost killed yourself over Bellamy? All you ever did was get in his face and cause him problems, you never even put out you frigid little bitch!” His tone was so malicious that it earned scornful looks from everyone that could hear him.

I felt the teacup smash in my hands, causing fresh blood to spray across my fingers. I sprung to my feet and lunged for him but several of the girls grabbed me before I could reach him. I was still weak and couldn’t wiggle out of their grasp despite the rage that poured out of me. Del jumped back to create further distance between us with an obvious fluster about him. 

“Why don’t you come say that to my face?! You’re real brave trash talking me from a safe distance, aren’t you?” I spat as I struggled wildly to get to him. “You just wait until I get you alone, you’ll see what it’s like to be cut up!” I threatened and he tried to continue smirking. I noticed that it didn’t reach his eyes, which were wide and intimidated. 

“They were wrong to put you in here with us, you’re a goddamn animal! You’re more grounder than your traitor bitch friend.” He spat and I screamed hysterically at the mention of Octavia as I pushed for him in a frantic surge of energy. 

As I tore myself from the girls that had been holding me, several large guards stepped in and dragged me from the room. The men were too strong for me to fight and I was powerless to stop them from moving me. I was carried down to a small white room with a bed and no other furniture. The guards threw me inside and slammed the door behind me in a clash that reminded me of my cell in the Skybox. I paced the room with constant anger as I realised that I had likely breached the terms that Monty had set for me by behaving like a threat, playing right into Del’s hands.

I paced until I ran out of energy and ended up curling into a small ball on the floor, leaned against the bed. I spent the night in this position, struggling with everything I had to not fall asleep. I couldn’t resist slipping into brief catnaps at various points during the night and every time that I did my mind replayed memories of my time with Octavia. The familiarity of the room triggered countless scenes from the Skybox, right from the first time I saw her emerge from an air vent in my time of need. I recalled all of the caring embraces, the subtle notes that we would leave each other when we couldn’t visit and the laughter that we shared in the canteen. I had completely lost track of time and felt like I had been in the room for ten years when the door finally opened for Monty to rush inside. He immediately dropped to my side on the floor to pull me into a hug and I clung onto him with shaking hands. 

“Oh thank god, where were you?!” I whispered with relief flooding my mind. “I was so worried about you and Jasper.” I breathed as he sat back and fixed me with an exhausted smile. 

“I’m sorry I had to stay with Jasper. He was busy being a hero again.” He sighed with a hint of frustration and I examined him quizzically as I processed his statement. “I’ll explain properly later, let’s get you back to dorms first.” He added as he brushed off my concern and stood up.

“Can I go back to dorms?” I muttered in a small voice as I aired my fears. He smiled and extended a hand to help me to my feet.

“Don’t worry, Harper and Fox explained what happened. Everything’s fine. We just need to make sure it doesn't happen again.” He clarified as he placed a comforting hand on my back and I finally relaxed my shoulders. We walked quietly back to the dorms and I was relieved to find that they were empty when we arrived. I dropped on my assigned bed with a heavy exhaustion and Monty sat on his bunk opposite me. 

“How did you convince them to let the dangerous lunatic out? I attacked someone, surely that’s going to cause some problems for you?” I investigated and I couldn’t contain the worry that he may have covered for me.

“Usually I’m sure it would but Jasper just saved someone’s life and that’s why I wasn’t here to be responsible for you, so right now they’re pretty grateful. They’re willing to let it slide this time.” He smiled with a clear relief for me. He took a moment to grab some rags and water and busied himself with cleaning the dried blood from my hand. I was glad that the teacup shards hadn’t caused any deep wounds and that most of the damage had closed up overnight.

“You mentioned that Jasper was being a hero again. What’s he gotten himself into now? And please don’t tell me it doesn’t involve a girl.” I winked in a light, teasing tone despite the nerves that fizzled in my stomach. Monty squirmed in response and I rolled my eyes in frustration.

“You know Jasper by now; of course it involves a girl.” He chuckled at my visible annoyance. “Her name is Maya, she’s been one of the people minding our group since we got here and Jasper’s taken a liking to her. There was a containment breach earlier and she got pretty messed up by the radiation, so he volunteered to do some experimental procedure to save her.” Monty explained as if it weren’t a big deal and I stared at him in horror.

“He didn’t!” I gasped as I considered the implications of this. “Oh I could strangle that stupid, romantic boy sometimes!” I sighed deeply. I was sick of watching Jasper put himself in danger for any pretty girl that crossed his path, especially now that him and Monty were all I had left. “What was the procedure? Is he going to be alright?” I rushed the questions out as I was crushed by my worry for him. 

“They wanted to run her radiated blood through his system to see if his body could pass on our immunity.” He stated and I dropped my head into my hands. “He survived it, he’s resting now to recover from the poisoning.” He confirmed and I released the breath that I had been holding as I lifted my face to listen. “It was weird though. They said it was experimental, but the way they talked about it after and how prepared they were to do it…I don’t know, something seemed off.” He recounted and stared thoughtfully off into the distance as he spoke. I raised a brow at him with interest and he forced a smile. “I’m sure it’s fine Indie.” He added quickly and I was alarmed at how quickly he tried to cover his feelings.

“How sure are you exactly?” I whispered as I searched his face for any signs of danger. He sighed deeply before answering me and it was clear that he knew I had noticed. 

“I don’t know.” He admitted with a shrug and I felt the knot return to my stomach. “I was speaking to Jasper before about going to look for Clarke, maybe you should come with me, get some time away from here to reflect.” He suggested and I tilted my head at him. 

“Why would you look for Clarke? I can’t imagine she’d want to come back here?” I queried in confusion as I attempted to figure out if there was something more that he wasn’t telling me.

“I just want to make sure she’s okay. If it were the other way around and any of us had run away, I feel like she’d have looked for us.” He answered and I noted that he was unable to meet my gaze. I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more to this.

“Wherever you two go, I follow.” I stated with determination as I leaned forward to squeeze his hand and he smiled in return.

We arrived late to dinner to find that our people had already returned to the recreation area. I sat at the table whilst Monty volunteered to take our finished plates out and I surveyed the room to find that only a few people from the group who already lived here were still hanging around. I heard Monty return to the table as I was distracted and he cleared his throat to gain my attention. I looked up to see him standing with two slices of cake, both with lit candles in them. I pondered him with confusion and he placed one down in front of each of us before he took a seat again opposite me. 

“I figured we may as well celebrate. We both missed our eighteenth birthday, and even without the threat of a review of your case, they’re a pretty big deal. I mean, yours was a while ago now right? I’m pretty sure I heard that you were about to review?” He spoke with an interested curiosity and I nodded in confirmation. I was days away from turning eighteen when we landed on Earth. “Mine was a few weeks ago.” He divulged as he smiled at me earnestly and my eyes filled with tears at his kind gesture. “So we didn’t get a party, but we’re adults now. I think the least we could do is enjoy some cake and blow out a candle each. What do you say?” He suggested hopefully causing me to chuckle under my breath and I wiped at my eyes to try to contain my emotions. “Don’t forget to make a wish.” He winked, then closed his eyes for a moment and blew out the candle dramatically.

I glanced down at my slice and considered it for a moment. I closed my eyes and concentrated hard on the image of Bellamy and Octavia smiling, happy and well. _ I wish for my family back _. I blew out the candle and felt the familiar pang of pain in my chest. I opened my eyes to see Monty observing me worriedly and I stuffed a full fork of cake into my mouth before he could ask me anything. The taste was the most incredible thing I’d ever experienced and I regarded Monty with a mind blown face. He laughed openly, covering his mouth with his hand to stop himself from spraying cake everywhere. 

“Okay, how have I made it to eighteen without cake in my life? This is a travesty!” I exclaimed through a full mouth full of food and Monty snorted in laughter. We finished our desserts with contented smiles and for just a little while, the pain in my heart was bearable.

As we wandered the halls back to dorms I caught sight of a familiar face; Miller was approaching Monty and as my eyes fell onto his relaxed expression I felt my stomach flip. I was immediately reminded of his actions at the dropship and my mind replayed the moment that I witnessed Bellamy being beaten whilst Miller dragged me away. I lost all control of my body as I surged forward to grab him by the shirt.

“You!” I snarled as I shook him viciously in my grip and Monty jolted in surprise beside me. “How could you?! I could have helped him, I wanted to fight! It’s your fault that I’m here alone! Why didn’t you let me do something?!” My voice raised into a desperate screech and Miller’s eyes grew wide as I berated him with questions. Monty forced his way between us and encouraged me to step away with a soothing grip on my shoulders. He blocked Miller from my view as he met my eyes with his usual calming air.

“Indie you need to calm down.” He asserted and I felt the wave of fury that I’d felt moments earlier dissolve in the face of his attentive care. “It’s okay if you need to talk about it. We’re all here to help you. Just take a deep breath.” He instructed and he remained in his protective position until I visibly took a breath to calm down. Once he could trust that I was in control he moved to my side with a reassuring grip on my arm and allowed me to face Miller again. Miller stared back at me with an expression of remorse and I recognised the emotions in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” He breathed and I felt the last of my anger pass as I assessed him. “I did what I thought was right and I’m sorry that’s hard for you. Bellamy wanted you to be safe and there was no time…”

“You didn’t need time, you could’ve still taken Clarke to the dropship. All you had to do was leave me.” I argued as my brows furrowed together and I felt hot tears on my cheeks again. “I could’ve helped them to fight, they could still be alive!” I croaked and sniffed to try to stop the floodgates from opening. “What gave you the right to stop me?” I whispered and Miller sighed deeply as he considered me with a broken face.

“I know you think you could’ve done something to change it Indigo. I wish it was different.” He explained as he shuffled on the spot. “I’ve been loyal to Bellamy since we arrived, I had a lot of respect for him and I respected how much your safety meant to him.” He confirmed and I wiped my face with shaking hands at his mention of Bellamy’s feelings for me. It seemed they were more apparent to everyone else than me and I couldn’t help feeling bitter about this. “I made my decision, now I have to live with it.” He admitted with a frown and I nodded back at him.

“I guess we all do.” I muttered as I strode away from him with Monty trailing behind me.

***

The next few days were uneventful, something that still felt bizarre to me. I had my dressings changed again and was pleased to see that my wounds had mostly healed by now. Monty waited anxiously for Jasper to be discharged from medical and I tried to keep him distracted in the meantime. We did everything from reading books together, to working on puzzles. We chatted mindlessly as we worked and I attempted to corner him into discussing whether Harper really seemed more interested in his whereabouts lately, only to be accused of reading into things.

We were both overjoyed when Jasper finally returned to us but were jointly eager to scold him for behaving recklessly again. Before I could get the chance, he gathered our people and addressed them. He tried to present his case as he urged us to consider volunteering for transfusions to help the people who lived here. Monty and I glimpsed each other in disbelief and I felt myself growing more suspicious of the intentions of our rescuers. It was deeply worrying that Jasper seemed to be so brainwashed by them and I was relieved to find that no one else seemed to be interested in taking the risk. When the audience dispersed Monty approached to question him and I followed close behind.

“Dude, what are you doing?” He asked and Jasper seemed to have no idea what he was referring to. “When did you start working for them?” Monty accused as he closed in on him and Jasper simply rolled his eyes. “You know what, never mind. Now that you’re better, I’m going after Clarke.” Monty snapped and I regarded him with surprise. I had been under the impression that Jasper would be coming with us and felt uncomfortable at the idea of having to choose between them. Just as I was opening my mouth to suggest that we all stay together, a girl entered the room from behind Jasper and Monty moved in a frustrated manner. “Of course, right on time.” He sighed frustratedly and I observed her approach Jasper with a warm smile. I deduced from their behaviour that this was the girl that he was interested in and I studied her with a suspicious interest.

“Hey guys, Jasper. I’m so glad to see you’re feeling better.” She smiled but as she moved my eyes were drawn to a notepad in her hands. She held it in front of her chest for us to read. **Act normal, they’re listening. **

I quickly scanned the page and my eyes widened as I glanced at them both, questioning with only my expression whether this had happened before. From their equally shocked responses, I gathered that this was a first and I felt myself growing uncomfortable. It was clear that something was going on here and I felt immediately uneasy at this idea.

“I am, thanks.” Jasper replied in a terrible effort at sounding normal. I nudged him in annoyance and he shrugged at me. “You look, um, rested.” His voice sounded forced and unnatural, and I rolled my eyes at his poor performance.

She flipped the page to reveal more handwritten messages. **The breach wasn’t an accident! Follow me!** I inspected the page and felt my stomach flip. 

“Hey, it’s pizza day! Who’s hungry?” She asked in an overly friendly tone and forced a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“You know, we’ve never actually had pizza. I’ve heard great things.” I answered as both of the boys were frozen in a state of confusion. When she stepped away from us I pulled them to follow, intrigued by the potential to find out some information. 


	32. Tʜᴇ Iʟʟᴜsɪᴏɴ Oғ Sᴀғᴇᴛʏ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇs:** Fᴏɢ Oғ Wᴀʀ, Lᴏɴɢ Iɴᴛᴏ Aɴ Aʙʏss

Jasper, Monty and I followed Maya from the room in a nervous silence. She led us through multiple doors until we finally reached a small maintenance room where she abruptly stopped and turned sharply around to face us.

“We don’t have much time but we can talk freely here.” She explained as she addressed the boys, then seemed to suddenly remember that I was there and regarded me with a scrutinising expression. “Who is this?” She asked in a low, accusing tone and I raised a brow at her. 

“This is Indigo, she’s family. You can trust her.” Monty answered in an unimpressed manner as he protectively stepped closer to my side and levelled her with a glare that warned her not to push the matter.

“What the hell is going on?” Jasper blurted with pent up frustration that was clear in his body language and she glanced down at the floor with a gentle sniff that indicated she was struggling to contain tears. “Maya?” He spoke in a gentler tone as he studied her with concern and my stomach twisted. I wasn’t sure that I trusted the people here and it was uncomfortable for me to witness Jasper becoming so attached to one of them. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as she viewed him through watery eyes and her bottom lip trembled.

“About what? What do you mean it wasn’t an accident?” Jasper enquired and his tone revealed that he clearly had no suspicions about her at all. I could feel dread building in my stomach as I peeked at Monty who was equally bewildered by Jasper’s naivety and I prepared myself for an argument.

“She means they exposed her to radiation on purpose.” Monty spat and I was stunned to find that he lost his patience first. In that moment I became aware of the similarities in our bonds with our adopted siblings and was proud to find that his annoyance with Jasper’s growing romance was abundantly clear in his tone and body language. “I’m betting it was to get you to be her blood brother.” He announced and crossed his arms as he spoke. Maya nodded regretfully in response and Monty’s tone grew sharper at her confirmation. “I knew it, Clarke was right.” He growled and I raised my brows. I had never seen aggression in him before and it was interesting to observe in someone so relaxed.

“Monty, be quiet.” Jasper instructed firmly before he turned back to Maya with an openly hurt expression. “Did you know about this?” He asked with his voice revealing how awful he felt about the accusation. She shook her head and I continued to view her with suspicion. “And why would they do that to you?” He probed and I found myself disappointed that his usually intelligent nature had been overshadowed by his attraction to her.

“They needed a test subject and they saw that you two were getting along. Isn’t that right?” My voice came out more accusingly than I intended as I crossed my arms at her.

“Yes, they thought they could use me to sway you.” She admitted and I growled under my breath. I was furious that anyone would try to manipulate Jasper and felt me defensiveness bubbling in my stomach. “They wanted to see what difference your blood would make and honestly, the standard treatment sucks compared to you.” She replied, shifting uncomfortably on the spot as she explained.

“That’s what Dante said.” Jasper murmured as if he was finally catching up to us and I noted that Dante had discussed this idea with Jasper already.

“What’s the standard treatment?” Monty enquired with his usual perceptiveness and I waited for an answer with interest.

“Through there.” She whispered and pointed behind her without being able to look at us.

I glanced at the boys as I felt nerves fluttering across my chest and was fearful about what was about to be revealed to us. She visibly had to force herself to move as she stepped out of sight and we followed in a small anxious huddle. She stopped near a large air vent and stood to one side to allow us to walk ahead. We approached the vent in tense suspension and as we leaned forward to open the slats, I felt my stomach lurch. The large chamber through the vent was filled with copious amounts of people, contained in tiny cages like animals. The space was around ten floors and had numerous alcoves that were all crammed full with captives. Some cages even hung suspended from the ceiling and the structures were too small to comfortably contain their occupants. I stared in stunned silence, unable to form a single word.

“Oh my god...are those...all grounders?” Jasper whispered as he studied the nauseating sight in total horror. I noticed that his hands shook where he gripped the vent and I could feel the shock radiating from him in waves.

“I guess we weren’t the only people they recovered from the fight at camp...we just got the comfortable accommodations.” I commented as I surveyed the grounders. We had been at war with them barely days ago and yet I couldn’t deny that I pitied them now. I was hardly able to believe what I was seeing, despite my distrust of the people here.

“Wait a second.” Monty’s voice became calm and analytical again and he managed to draw my attention back. “Why are you showing us this?” He interrogated as he turned to consider Maya as he spoke.

“Because I’m afraid.” She admitted and knitted her hands together in a gesture that made me nervous.

“Of what?” Jasper questioned as he glanced over his shoulder and furrowed his brows in concern. I swallowed my impatience at his continued infatuation with her. 

“That you’re next.” She confessed, choking up as she spoke and her body language radiated guilt as she glimpsed each of us in turn. I felt my heart skip a beat at her words and my mind raced with the new information. Although I’d been feeling apprehensive about this place since I first woke here, I couldn’t have imagined that a threat this depraved was lurking behind the allure of the food and safety. Everyone here was well practised in the act of behaving as if the mountain was a paradise and I was disgusted to discover the truth.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I groaned as I covered my face with my hands. “We survive war with the grounders just to end up in a blood factory.” I stated with bitterness and Monty placed a gentle hand on my shoulder to settle my dissolving form. Jasper turned fully on the spot to confront Maya and I was glad to finally witness a firmness in his tone.

“Who else knows about this?” He investigated accusingly as he pointed back at the grate in annoyance. His shoulders raised with tension and the sympathy in his eyes was gradually fading to anger.

“Everyone, but nobody talks about it.” She confirmed weakly and her posture became defensive, childish even. “We learn not to ask questions.” She justified as she scanned us guiltily and I scoffed. The tone of her voice implied that they were simply bystanders in this situation and her lack of responsibility grated on me.

“Great, we’re surrounded by sociopaths who are willing to sacrifice people for their own gain.” I growled as I uncovered my face and threw my arms up in exasperation. Maya dropped her gaze to avoid my glaring expression and I rolled my eyes.

“Look, without the treatments we’d die.” She stepped closer to Jasper as she tried to justify her words. I peeked at him to check that he wasn’t falling back under her spell and was relieved to find that he remained tense. “What are we supposed to do?” She muttered with furrowed brows and I observed Jasper crossing his arms sharply.

“Die.” Monty spat as he fixed her with a furious glare and I nodded in agreement. I found that I was glad to have him beside me and even though it was unusual to see him behave this way, I was glad of his backup. “We have to get out of here. Dante said we could leave right?” He turned his determined attention to Jasper and assessed him with desperate eyes.

“He was lying.” Jasper scoffed as he shuffled on the spot and it was clear that the realisation was crushing him. “He knows I’d be too scared to leave, just like he knew I’d do what had to be done to save Maya.” He remarked with a tone that betrayed the hurt in his voice. I squeezed his arm to bring his eyes to me and smiled sympathetically. 

“He made a mistake taking advantage of your kindness.” I stated firmly as I addressed him with a stubborn confidence that I hoped would reach him. “He didn’t account for how heroic and intelligent you are. We’re a hell of a family of survivors, we can figure this out.” I elaborated as I smiled at both of them encouragingly, despite the dread in my chest. There were a few moments of silence as they absorbed my words and I could tell that they were wracking their bright minds for ideas.

“We don’t ask, if Clarke got out, we can too.” Monty asserted as he stepped closer into our tightly knit circle with a new found confidence.

“You’ll never make it.” Maya offered from behind and I noticed that Monty rolled his eyes at the sound of her voice. “Ever since Clarke disappeared security all around the mountain has been increased.” She confirmed with a fearful voice and I hissed under my breath. I wasn’t surprised to find that Clarke was an inconvenience even when she wasn’t present. 

“We have to try.” Monty argued with a fire that I’d never seen in him before now. I opened my mouth to try to interject but Jasper spoke firmly in response.

“We’re not leaving. I won't leave the others behind.” He exclaimed before softening his expression and pointing to the grate. “That means they end up in there.” He commented with a forlorn stare and I sighed regretfully. He was right, if we broke out with just our small family we would be condemning the others to a death. The invasive image of our people filling the inhumane cages crossed my mind and I violently forced it out with a wave of disgust.

“What choice do we have?!” Monty responded with a desperation that mirrored how I felt. 

“I don’t want to leave them behind either.” I confirmed as Monty met my eyes with a mournful face. “But Monty’s right, we haven’t got many options.” I sighed and noticed that now Jasper was studying me with an unimpressed expression. “Clarke’s out there and I doubt that she’s just sitting on her ass. She’ll be searching for help.” I suggested and they both shrugged at my words. “We need to get out, find her and bring back as big a force as we can. It’s the only way we can save them.” I presented my case and waited with anticipation for their opinions.

“It’s too risky. They could kill them all whilst we’re gone. Besides, how would we even find Clarke? Or anyone else to fight with us?” Jasper pointed out and I felt my shoulders droop with disappointment. There were more pitfalls in this plan than I’d realised and although I wanted to believe it was possible, I understood that our decisions carried more importance in this moment than ever before. Jasper took a deep breath and gulped. “There’s only one thing to do, we volunteer.” He declared as both Monty and I jolted into rigid postures at his words.

“Are you insane?” I hissed as I scrutinised him in disbelief. “You want us to just hand ourselves over to them?” I repeated as if I had misheard him. 

“We haven’t got any other choice! It’s the only way to keep us alive, safe, fed and to buy us some time.” Jasper cried with a desperation that was shared between us. “If you really believe that Clarke is out there trying to rescue us, we need all the time that we can get.” Jasper appealed to me and I couldn’t think of any plausible options to challenge this with. I peeked at Monty for alternatives but he reflected the same defeat that I felt.

“For the record, I hate this.” I muttered bitterly.

***

When we returned to the dorms Jasper set straight to work arranging volunteers. He took Harper and Miller to a quiet corner of the room beside the blaring radio and explained the situation. They reluctantly agreed to his insane plan once he expressed that we needed to buy time and I offered to volunteer too. Jasper refused to allow me to join them and instead requested that I act as a guard for the rest of the group whilst they were incapacitated. I was frustrated by this, as I felt a desperate desire to keep the boys in my sights at all times, especially now that I knew what the people here had planned for us. I bitterly accepted that the others required protection and that their ignorance would leave them vulnerable. 

I begrudgingly settled on the bed as they left to volunteer and found myself in a constant state of tension the entire time that they were gone. I attended all of the set meal times so that I could ensure the group remained under observation, but I was unable to bring myself to eat. Instead I picked around plates of food and drank copious amounts of tea in an attempt to stay alert. The night was terrible as I kept watch as much as possible, only occasionally drifting to sleep to be haunted by visions of the boys strung up like blood bags. I heard Bellamy’s voice in my dreams, yelling in frustration at the mess that we’d found ourselves in. Whenever I bolted awake again I couldn’t shake the feeling that my imagination wasn’t wrong. I felt in my core that Bellamy would suggest a more aggressive plan, that he would bust us out of here and I spent much of the night racking my brain for alternative ideas.

By the time the group returned from their procedures I was manic and immediately took both Monty and Jasper into my arms, squeezing them tightly for reassurance. They allowed me to comfort myself with them before Monty led me to sit with Harper and Miller on the bunk beds. Jasper subtly turned up the radio on his way over to mask our conversation. 

“Okay, it’s safe to talk.” Jasper nodded as he settled into position beside me. “We bought ourselves some time but we’re gonna need to recruit some more of the others, only people we trust.” He reported as we all leaned in to listen closely.

I nodded in agreement, glancing around at the relaxed faces in the room. I wasn’t sure how many people remained that I trusted and I couldn’t help feeling envious of their blissfully simple existence. It seemed the five of us had become the new leadership now and I resented being a part of it. I had never desired to lead and although I was always comfortable to share my opinion, I had been content to leave the decision making to others.

“How much more time are we talking about buying here?” Miller grilled as he surveyed the room and from his expression I could imagine that he was having the same concerns. I didn’t even recognise many faces from Bellamy’s militia, which I understood to be Miller’s main confidants. The people here were mostly background parts of camp and I was unsure how much they would be willing to do.

“Long enough for Clarke to break us out.” Monty confirmed confidently and I snapped my gaze to him. I was surprised to find that he believed in my theory until he peeked subtly at me with a wink. I smiled at him and was glad to find that we were on the same page.

“We don’t even know if Clarke’s still alive.” Harper declared as she wrung her hands in worry. 

“It’s Clarke, she’s too stubborn to die.” I commented with a hint of amusement. I leaned slightly forward to catch Harper’s gaze with a supportive smile. “She visited me whilst I was in quarantine. She told me that she thinks there are others alive out there and that she wanted to find them. I know she’ll be out there finding help right now, whatever form it may be in.” I elaborated with certainty and I noted that the others seemed to be intrigued by this revelation.

“She has to be.” Jasper sighed thoughtfully and I nudged him gently. He squinted at me and I smiled as I placed a comforting hand on his arm. I couldn’t stand seeing him look defeated and he’d been moping around in this manner since Maya’s reveal. It was clear that he had genuinely believed in the safety of this place and it was saddening to see his hope crushed.

“Well then she better hurry the hell up.” Miller commented aggressively and the others all stared at the ground with uncertain expressions.

I sighed as I pondered their worried faces. Although we were all straining to inspire each other, none of us had been a part of the leadership in camp and it was clear that nobody wanted that responsibility now. I’d witness the stress that it had caused Bellamy and I dreaded watching any more of my loved ones crushed under it. I took a deep breath and decided to take as much of it as I could for them. 

“I’m sure she’s doing everything that she can out there, so for now we need to do the same in here. Reach out to those you trust, get them onside. The more people we can get to volunteer now, the more we can inspire to volunteer without having to tell them what’s going on. We don’t want to cause a panic. We need to focus on being model citizens; involve yourselves in as much as possible, show your skills and make us indispensable.” I spoke firmly as I gave my best attempt at the kind of inspiring talk that Bellamy often presented in camp. I didn’t have the same undeniable natural charisma that he exuded, but the group seemed to be absorbing my words. “For now, everyone recruit one person you trust and that will fill the bay with volunteers tonight. After that we’ll see what happens naturally, it might be enough.” I ordered and they nodded with an enthusiasm that had been absent before.

We dispersed from our small huddle and each searched for someone to convince. I guided Fox to a quiet area and felt confident that I could trust her due after our history in camp. I quietly explained the situation and although she was fearful, she trusted me to make the best choice for our people. I returned to the group and confirmed that I had sourced a volunteer. The others put forward the names of their candidates and Harper shuffled awkwardly on the spot when it came to her turn. 

“I couldn’t find anyone I trusted enough to tell, I’m sorry.” She whispered as she avoided meeting eyes with any of us. I cleared my throat to prompt her to bring her face up. 

“Well I haven’t volunteered yet. It looks like it’s my turn.” I remarked and smiled at her encouragingly. 

“Are you sure you’re up to that Indie?” Jasper interrogated as he viewed me with concern. He scanned me closely and I could tell that he was reluctant about the suggestion.

“I’m fine, I need to do my part.” I asserted. Before he could argue, I picked up the sign up sheet and added my name to it. “Let’s get this done.” I confirmed as Jasper and Monty glimpsed between each other worriedly.

***

As I laid in the bed of the medical unit with doctors fussing over us, I started to become nervous. A pretty female doctor with dark hair checked my vitals before inserting a large needle into my neck. I hissed in pain and she flinched apologetically at me, before leaning over to the bed beside me to prepare the person that I would be transfusing to. Once she’d finished connecting all the leads she returned to my side. 

“Alright, we’ll administer general anaesthetic. You won’t feel a thing.” She smiled at me encouragingly and I couldn’t hide the feeling of reluctance that flooded my face at the idea of medication.

“Will it make me sleep?” I asked in a small, fearful voice as my stomach twisted in dread. Although I was more than willing to assist in this plan, I hadn’t been prepared to be drugged again and I wasn’t sure that I could survive another round of the horrors that lurked in the back of my mind. She was momentarily confused, before her faze landed on my wrists and understanding dawned on her pitying face. 

“It wont, but we gave the others a mild sedative to help them to relax.” She explained and I felt uncomfortable with the concept that we were all vulnerable here. “I can withhold that if you would like? But it’s a long process without.” She advised and she observed my reactions closely as she spoke.

“I don't want to sleep, I’ll wait it out.” I answered and shook my head firmly. She sighed as she considered me. 

“Indigo, you know that you’re safe with us, don’t you? You don’t need to be guarded.” She suggested as she settled a comforting hand on my arm and I had to control my immediate reaction to recoil from her touch. I struggled to keep the annoyance from my face as I processed her words. It felt like a kick in the teeth to hear the staff reassuring us and comforting us when they all knew what they were keeping us here for. I forced myself to smile calmly in response and took a slow, steadying breath before I spoke again. 

“I’m not guarded, I have nightmares. I can’t forget the things I saw before here.” I justified in the hope that this would seem less suspicious. Although I was honest about the reason that I didn’t want to sleep, I couldn’t deny that I was also afraid to be administered something that would reduce my ability to fight if needed. She watched me with pity and I squirmed in an effort to contain my disgust. 

“Okay, no sedative. Just let us know if you need anything or change your mind. We’ll give you a dose of pain relief just in case.” She smiled in an understanding that felt inauthentic before walking over to a nurse who connected a bag of medication to the drip stand and connected me to it.

After a few minutes I could feel the effects of the pain relief and I felt more relaxed than I had in months. I realised that my anxiety was calmer and the heartbreak didn’t feel as crushing anymore. I leaned my head back into the pillows and felt as if my whole body had become heavier all of a sudden. I stared at the ceiling and as my mind eased, Bellamy’s face filled my consciousness. Before I could put up my internal defences to protect myself from the pain, the memories flashed through rapidly. I was forced to reflect on every moment that I had spent with him, but it didn’t trigger the same desperate feeling as usual. 

I remembered seeing him for the first time in the dropship when we landed on Earth. He was clean with neatly combed back hair and his clothes were only as faded as was normal on the Ark. I could still clearly picture the way that he smiled when he saw Octavia; his eyes still sparkled with hope and joy. I recounted the smug expression that he had when he looked me up and down as I introduced myself with a fizzle of excitement. I played everything back from the beginning and realised how vastly different things were between us from the early days where we argued constantly; I strived to get under his skin and he hid behind skeevy compliments. 

In our last days together we seemed to have reached a peace that neither of us had acknowledged, content to simply enjoy each other's presence. I could still feel the tension in every time we’d touched, clinging to one another in moments of panic, both searching each other out for comfort in the aftermath. I felt a wave of painful regret as I visualised every chance for it to become something more between us that I had missed. It felt like a cruel fate that I only understood the depth of my feelings for him now that he was gone and I started to become aware of the gaping hole in my chest that I’d felt almost constantly since the last time I saw him. 

It wasn’t just Bellamy that was missing from my life; it was Octavia and Raven; it was the home that we’d all built together; it was the leaders that, although troubled people that I didn’t always agree with, kept us safe and banded together even in times of crisis. It was the unity of our camp that didn’t seem the same in our underground prison. The realisation struck that I would likely never be able to fill the hole that their absence left in me. I would likely have this wound forever and if I was going to survive, I’d have to start learning to live with it. As unfortunate as this thought was, I knew in my gut that I couldn’t avoid sleep forever.

I considered the way that I had felt in the white room of quarantine and the drastic actions that I’d taken. Now that the mania I’d experienced during the inescapable times of sedation had passed, I understood that I didn’t truly want to die. Although I felt a constant emptiness that made me question the point in fighting on, the threat of our containment here gave me the powerful sensation that I wasn’t finished yet. I still had people to protect and the loss of Bellamy as a leader had left behind a responsibility that I couldn’t abandon. I hoped that in time I’d find a way to stop the torment of my memories, but for now I would settle for only sleeping as often as needed to survive and denying any triggering thoughts of the Blake siblings. I relied on my bond with Jasper and Monty to give me purpose and that minimised the grief to a size that I could still live with.

When the painkillers finally wore off, I was relieved to be free from the reflection that they’d caused. I was violently sick for several hours following the completion of the transfusion, whilst the patient I’d assisted seemed to be in the best shape of their life. Fox and I were the first to be released and supported each other on the shaky walk back to dorms. Although I still felt nauseous, I was keen to be out of their blatant observation and with people I could trust again. I entered the dorms to find Miller and Monty talking in low voices on one of the bunks and approached to see that they were studying some kind of schematics. 

“Looks like I missed something interesting?” I asked as I arched a brow at them inquisitively. Miller abruptly left when he noticed me and I took his space next to Monty.

“Good to have you back.” He smiled in relief as his eyes scanned me with worry. “How do you feel?” He grilled and I shrugged.

“Awful, I can’t believe that Jasper willingly put himself through this. Although by the sounds of it his treatment was even worse thanks to Maya’s radiation levels. Which honestly just makes it even more unbelievable that he came and asked us to do the same!” I rambled in a muddled mess and realised that I still felt slightly groggy from the medication. “Poor boy was super brainwashed.” I added with an understanding tone as I caught up to my own thoughts and Monty nodded in agreement. I jolted into a slightly straighter posture as a delayed thought struck me. “I was thinking about quarantine and I just remembered something.” I started and Monty’s eyes widened at the mention of this time. “There was a guy... I don’t know who he was, I was super out of it. But he was talking about my blood and how precious it is. I think...Monty I think I’m the reason that they worked out how effective our resistance to the radiation is.” I admitted with a furrowed brow and a terrible feeling of guilt.

“Your blood? But how would they..” Monty trailed off as his attention was drawn to my wrists and I shuffled to ensure they were covered. “You think that whilst they were saving your life, they took the opportunity to use you as a lab rat?” His voice dropped to a dark, disgusted tone that was alien on him and I could sense the rage that bubbled beneath his calm exterior. I nodded back regretfully and he cursed under his breath. “Indie, this isn’t your fault. They’ve been using the grounders for god knows how long, they were always going to realise that we could be viable options. It was just a matter of time.” He excused and I sighed thoughtfully.

“Maybe eventually, but thanks to me they know already. I’ve cost us time.” I stated remorsefully and he shook his head at me firmly.

“No, you’re not taking that on your shoulders, I don’t want to hear you say that ever again, alright?” He asserted and I nodded in an unconvinced gesture. “Well how about some good news?” He smiled at me with a hopeful spark in his eyes and I felt my stomach flip in anticipation. “The Ark made it! We found photos, they’ve set up camp.” He confirmed and I gasped before quickly covering my mouth. 

“Well I wasn’t expecting that, but that’s great! Now we know exactly where Clarke will be headed for help.” I breathed as I struggled to keep my voice low in my relief.

“I don’t think we can wait for that Indie, we don’t know if Clarke will even find them.” He mumbled before his eyes glazed over and he stared off into the distance. “My parents might be there.” He spoke in a dreamy voice and I reached out to squeeze his hand.

“If they’re anything like you, I’m sure they will be. You’re a pretty hardcore survivor Monty, you must get that from somewhere.” I smiled at him encouragingly and he gripped my hand back gratefully. “So, what’s the plan?” I enquired as I assessed him with a nervous excitement buzzing in my chest.

“We broke into Dante’s office to see if we could find evidence that Clarke’s alive, that’s where we saw the photos from the Ark and where we got this…these are the engineering schematics for this whole place. We’re gonna find a way out.” Monty answered confidently and I stared back at him in bewilderment. 

“That’s a hell of a risk Monty. If they realise we’re onto them we could all end up hanging in that chamber.” I gulped as I ran my fingers through my hair in stress. “You know that I’m all for action but we’re trapped here, we’ve got a lot to lose if we get this wrong.” I confided and even as I spoke I could hear Bellamy’s voice in my mind even louder than my own. I knew that he would already be planning an offensive with no kid left behind. I felt that much of my courage and fire was dampened without him around, and I couldn’t quash my fears.

“We found proof that they’re lying to us today Indie, _ again _. They know our people are alive and yet Dante told Jasper that the Ark hadn’t survived. How long do you think it will be before they ambush them too? And by then we could already have served our purpose.” He appealed to me and I sighed with indecision.

“Guys, Harper didn’t show for breakfast. You guys seen her?” Jasper approached with an anxious energy about him. I noticed that Miller was behaving shifty too beside him and I felt a knot forming in my stomach.

“I haven’t seen her since Dante’s office.” Milled reported and I snapped my gaze back to Monty with wide eyes, hoping that he could confirm that she was fine. When he met my eyes with equal concern, I felt a sharp anxiety pain flit across my chest.

“So where the hell is she?” Monty asked with a panicked tone as we all stared at each other in terror.


	33. Cᴏᴠᴇʀᴛ Oᴘᴇʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴs

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ:** Rᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ Mᴇ

Jasper, Monty, Miller and I spent the night rotating shifts to keep watch. Although we tried to sleep between our turns, it was difficult to relax as we nervously anticipated a raid at any moment. Nothing had changed by the time that morning came and Jasper raised our concerns to Maya, who promised to look for Harper. Maya stressed the importance that we behaved normally but I couldn’t ignore the deep rooted fear in my chest as we sat in distracted silence over breakfast. It was haunting to sit in the middle of the busy room, observing the others happily eating and enjoying the company whilst we met each other's eyes with blank expressions.

Once we’d finished our meal I received a message to remind me that I had to attend an appointment to have my stitches removed. I nervously parted from the boys, who would only allow me to leave once I had confirmed where I would be and how long it should take. I knew that it was necessary for both my healing and to maintain the illusion of ordinary life and they promised to riot if I didn’t come back. I was shaking with nerves throughout the process and I couldn’t help expecting to be drugged or bound at any moment. The consistent terror caused my body to flood with adrenaline and I could hardly concentrate on the idle chatter of the doctor as she worked. 

By the time the stitches had been successfully removed and I was walking back to the dorms, I felt in a state of disbelief. I was confused that they hadn’t seized the opportunity to abduct me and it only served to build the constant alarm that I was experiencing. The only credible theory that I could comprehend was that I was too visible; I caused a scene often and they felt that our people would notice if I disappeared more than they would with Harper. 

I entered the dorms to find Jasper, Monty, Miller and Maya sitting on the bunk beds opposite each other and the boys immediately noticed me with eager expressions. They both rushed to hug me tightly in relief and almost bowled me over with the force of their excitement. I giggled lightly as their reaction and once I’d extracted myself from their grip I settled on the bed between them. Maya claimed that she had to return to her duties and excused herself from our company. Miller glimpsed at us awkwardly and quickly made an excuse to leave too.

“How was it? Did they do anything funny?” Jasper quizzed as he examined me with an obvious concern. He reached over to slide my sleeves up and I reflectively tore my arm from his grip with more force than intended. “Sorry.” He muttered quietly and I caught Monty regarding me with wide eyes.

“No it’s okay.” I breathed and took a moment to calm my rapid heartbeat. I didn’t like to be guarded with them but I wasn’t comfortable allowing even them to see the wounds. “It was fine, completely routine. They just took the stitches out. Their doctor says that I’m healing nicely, no more bulky dressings.” I smiled weakly at him in an effort to dissipate the tense atmosphere that was now around us. “I still don’t think I’ll be getting my arms out anytime soon though.” I confirmed in a poor excuse for an explanation for my reaction and cleared my throat awkwardly.

“You don’t have to be ashamed of them, Indie.” Monty advised gently and I shifted on the spot.

“Anyway, I looked around as much as I could but I couldn’t see anything untoward going on in there. At least from what I could see, Harper isn’t in medical.” I reported quickly as I attempted to change the topic and I was pleased when they followed my lead. I appreciated their kindness, but it was still too overwhelming to discuss.

“Maya hasn’t been able to find anything either, it’s like she just disappeared.” Jasper commented and I sighed in disappointment. I had hoped that they would be an update by the time I returned from my appointment and every moment that Harper remained missing only increased the dread in my stomach. “It’s strange that they just let you come back, I mean I’m glad that they did! It just doesn’t make any sense. Surely it would have been an easy opportunity.” Jasper added thoughtfully and I shrugged at him. 

“I think they’re trying to choose people that they think won’t be easily noticed as missing. People like the three of us: we’re too high profile, they know that the others look to us. At least for the time being, they’re still trying to be sneaky.” I explained my theory and fiddled with my hands anxiously. It wasn’t a nice thought and I realised that we would have to watch our people closely from now on for any quiet members who could easily disappear.

“Well, we’ve got a plan.” Monty leaned forward with a determined expression as he spoke and I raised my brows. “We can’t just wait for Clarke and hope that she’s going to come to save us. We’re going to send a message on the Arkwide channel asking for help.” He revealed and I felt my eyes widen at his idea.

“You’re gonna send an SOS to the Ark?” I repeated in surprise. “What if we get caught? Or what if Mount Weather hears it? I’m all for aggressive action but if they realise that we’re onto them, they’ve got no reason to keep up this nice act.” I questioned and found myself ringing my hands together again. I was frustrated with myself for my anxiety and wished that I could share the determination that the boys imparted.

“We won't get caught. Maya’s gonna help us out and Monty’s got a solid plan.” Jasper clarified and I continued to look between them doubtfully. “We managed it last time, we can do it again. Plus we’ve got you now, we’re the dream team.” Jasper smiled in a way that tried to be encouraging but I could still feel the tension in the air.

“Last time one of your group disappeared, I can’t lose you two.” I mumbled as I felt my confidence crumbling to worry.

“You won’t. You’ll be right there with us to keep us safe. We can do this Indie! We’re a family, we stick together.” Monty urged and I nodded reluctantly as I tried to summon some faith in us.

A couple of hours passed whilst we sourced the items that we needed for the plan and Maya checked the guard schedules to allow us the easiest access to where we were going. Monty discovered from the schematics that the radio wires passed through the art storage room on route to the command centre and we planned to intercept them there. Maya arrived to guide us and we followed as she wheeled a container into the room. Monty pushed ahead with the schematics in hand to find the exact spot where the wires should be. I hadn’t fully absorbed the finer details of Monty’s plan and hovered at the back of the group nervously. He shined the torch at a painting, then down at the plans in his hand before turning to face us. 

“Right here, the communication lines are behind this wall.” He confirmed as the others scurried around cleaning the space as I stared at him in bewilderment. 

“I’m sorry, did you say _ behind _ the wall?” I blurted as Milled slid a sledgehammer out of the container that Maya had wheeled in and I raised my brows at him. “I thought the plan was to not get caught?” I gasped as I glimpsed between them and felt anxiety gripping my chest. I found myself wishing that I’d taken more time to examine Monty’s plan before agreeing to it.

“Big ass enough for you?” Miller smiled as he showed the hammer to Monty and I crossed my arms in annoyance at being ignored.

“Wait.” Maya interrupted sharply just as Miller prepared to swing at the wall. “They’ll hear you.” She warned as she held an arm out to halt him mid motion.

“This was the plan!” Miller exclaimed in an unnecessarily aggressive manner as he glanced at her with frustration. “I knew it. She’s afraid of losing her blood supply.” He turned to lean into her space and spoke with clear accusation in his tone. I noticed that Jasper nervously watched them with a conflicted expression.

“Look, you don’t have to like me Miller and you can blame me all you want for what my people are doing but I’m trying to make things right.” Maya growled as she fearlessly stepped forward to meet him and I could hardly believe the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Damn it people, we don’t have time to turn on each other!” I hissed, finally losing my patience as I kept glancing back over my shoulder in fear. I couldn’t control the overwhelming feeling that we were about to be caught at any moment and the image of the chamber was almost constantly present at the back of my mind. I turned towards Miller with my arms crossed in disappointment. “Miller, you've always been a stubborn idiot, use your head! We make a whole bunch of noise, the guards come running, we end up in those little cages with the grounders. We have to be smarter than this!” I detailed in an effort to break through his temper and sighed to regain control as I finished speaking.

“5 seconds.” Maya breathed under her breath and I glanced over to find that she was staring intently at her watch.

“What happens in 5 seconds?” Monty probed and I found myself studying her with wide frightened eyes. I couldn’t keep the growing tension in my chest and my mind raced with the idea that she may have set us up after all. I felt my hands shaking and tried to formulate a backup plan to get the boys out of harm's way.

“Miller realises what a dick he is?” Jasper spat defensively and I was glad for his sass, which broke through the spiralling thoughts that were flooding through my consciousness. I caught his sly wink in my direction and it caused a slight smile to spread across my face.

“Come on Jasper, I thought you didn’t believe in miracles.” I taunted in an effort to break the tension between the group. Once again, I was thankful for the boys who continued to be the only people able to draw out the personality that I thought had died inside of me. Before anyone else could raise the conversation back into an argument an alarm began to blare out. I stiffened up with a feeling of cold dread creeping down my spine and stared at the others with a horrified face before finally setting my eyes on Maya, who smiled at Miller smugly. 

“Friend owed me a favour.” She crooned with a clear sense of satisfaction and I released a deep, relieved breath that I hardly realised I was holding. Jasper smiled fondly at her, before turning to address Miller assertively. 

“Time it to the blasts.” He ordered with an authority that was surprising to witness and I was proud to notice how well he was growing into the responsibility.

Miller began pounding the wall with the hammer in the same rhythm as the blaring of the alarm bells and I paced around whilst they worked as I felt too jittery to simply watch. After a few minutes, I placed myself on watch for any guards around the corner to keep myself busy. I felt my breathing become shallow and rapid as I waited with a mounting anxiety. I sensed Maya's approach and she positioned herself beside me awkwardly. 

“How’s it going over there?” I grilled without taking my eyes from the far side of the room and started to bite my nails in a gesture of stress. It was obvious that I had lost the calm determination that allowed me to manage tense missions back in camp and I wondered if I was even suitable to be part of them any longer.

“They found the wire but Monty’s struggling with something jamming the signal.” She advised gently as she scanned the room in an antsy manner that reflected my behaviour.

“Of course.” I sighed bitterly and rolled my eyes. “Nothing’s ever as easy as we plan.” I muttered under my breath as I reflected on the numerous missions that had gone drastically wrong in the past and she peeked over at me in pity.

“I know it can’t have been easy for you all out there.” She mumbled as she assessed me and I turned to meet her eyes with an irritated expression. I could hardly believe that she would even attempt to discuss our struggles and I was envious of the safety that she had existed in her entire life. I knew that it was unfair but I couldn’t deny feeling that she wouldn’t be able to understand the hardened survival instincts that we’d been forced to develop.

“You have no idea.” I spat and I felt myself glaring at her for a moment before jolting myself to return my attention to guarding. She sighed as she allowed us to slip back into silence for a few minutes and I could hear the others quietly working behind us. I noticed from the corner of my eye that she seemed to be deep in thought and I strived not to allow her to distract me. 

“Jasper told me about your family, and about Bel-”

“Don’t!” I snarled in a sudden burst of temper and I sharply turned my full attention to her in fury. “You may be helping us out for the time being but that does _ not _ mean that you and I are good, nor does it mean that I trust you. I lost _ everything _ out there, Jasper and Monty are all I have left and your people want to use them as human blood bags. I will die before I let anything happen to them and you had better believe that I will take every single person in this bunker with me if necessary, including you.” The words fell out of my mouth in a venomous rant and I was powerless to stop them. She stared at me with wide eyes that revealed how stunned she was at my reaction and seemed unable to form any words. I returned my attention to the door and immediately picked up the sound of footsteps. 

“We’re out of time.” I gasped as I spun on the spot and ran back towards the others with Maya hot on my heels. “We have movement, it’s time to go!” I hissed as soon as they were in view.

“The guard is coming, cover the hole.” Maya ordered. We frantically set about organising paintings and furniture to cover the hole in the wall where Monty had been working. Miller and I packed the equipment we had brought with us back into the container and carried it out between us, with Monty beside me. As we rushed to the door Monty grabbed my arm to halt me. 

“You two go back the way we came, I’ll take a different route back. It’ll look suspicious if too many of us are seen together. Meet you back at dorms.” He spoke frantically and although I opened my mouth to disagree with him, he rushed out of view before I could, leaving me frozen to the spot in panic. Miller shook me to gain my attention and when that failed he pulled at the container to urge me to move.

We returned to dorms to discover that they were empty and I noticed with a surge of dread that Jasper and Maya weren’t behind us either. Miller and I occupied ourselves with returning the items we had borrowed before they could be discovered as missing and I hoped that would kill enough time for the others to return. We found Jasper and Maya waiting for us and Miller rushed to turn up the music in the room so that we could talk. 

“They find the radio?” Milled investigated nervously whilst I scanned the room for any sign of Monty.

“No. Where’s Monty?” Jasper glimpsed between us and my stomach dropped as I stared back at him with wide eyes.

“I thought he was with you?” Miller breathed and I covered my face with my hands as I felt myself descending into panic. My heart pounded in my ears and I could hardly catch my breath.

“I haven’t seen him.” Maya confirmed and I groaned as I moved my hands into my hair in a stressed gesture. I could feel that I was rapidly losing control and I felt my skin becoming clammy. 

“He said he was going to take a different route back, I couldn’t stop him before he ran off. Did he say anything to you guys?” I asked between deep breaths as I battled to remain in control. I knew that if I allowed myself to slip at all then I would collapse into hysterics and I reminded myself that this would not help Monty.

“He was talking about trying to get into the command centre?” Maya revealed as if she had only just realised that this was relevant. “He said that he only needed 5 minutes but I told him it was impossible.” She explained with a subtle peek at Jasper with furrowed brows.

“Okay, so he might’ve tried to get there. We can’t panic just yet, he could just be flying solo. We need to have faith that he’ll be back.” I urged and I was relieved when they nodded back, as it confirmed that the controlled facade that I was forcing was believable. I wasn’t sure where I was finding the strength to speak so calmly when on the inside I was falling apart. I tried to keep my focus on my earlier goal to take as much of the strain of leadership for them as I could and channelled my energy into staying outwardly strong. I felt an immense understanding of the pressure that Bellamy had endured back at camp and my heart ached for him. 

“I’ll start looking for him. I won't be able to come back with an update until tomorrow without being suspicious. Until then, you _ need _ to act normal! Monty might be undercover somewhere, if they suspect anything is wrong it could put him in danger.” Maya ordered us firmly before she exited the dorms and left us to stare at each other blankly.

It was another long, painful night and I had horrific nightmares of Monty any time that I fell asleep. Every time that I woke, I examined his bed with disappointment. I tried to keep the hope alive that he would creep back in from some insane solo mission, but my mind continued to conjure up images of him enduring torturous experiments at the hand of the doctors of the mountain. When morning came Jasper and I wandered the halls in a dreary state, hardly able to see where we were going through the fog of our minds. Neither of us ate anything again and Miller managed to force down some food from each of our plates to cover us. I watched Jasper in concern as he withdrew further into himself and felt my resolve waning. 

By midday when Maya reported that she was still searching but had found no sign of him yet, we were both beginning to crumble. Miller warned us to find something to occupy ourselves with and insisted that we were too obviously distressed. We sat side by side on Jasper’s bunk bed and leaned on each other for comfort. I cleared my throat as I struggled to think of something that could distract us enough to pull us out of the pit that we were rapidly sinking into. Jasper leaned further into me with his head against my shoulder and I stroked his hair gently. As I played with his long locks, an idea struck me. 

“When was the last time you had a hair cut Jasper?” I enquired in a flat tone and as he straightened up to survey me, I forced a weak smile.

“I don’t know, probably on the Ark.” He shrugged in a disinterested manner. “Who cares?” He added with a despairing tone to his voice that caused my heart to ache.

“We need to look busy.” I sighed in defeat. “I’m thinking if I give you a haircut we can avoid suspicion without having to hang out with others and pretend to be fine. It’ll just be you and I, we can still be sad.” I detailed the best sales pitch that I could manage through my emotions and he nodded solemnly.

“Sounds like a good idea, I’ll find some scissors.” He answered as he carelessly got to his feet and I moved to follow. “Indie, I...I don’t think they’ll give them to me if you come, not after…” He trailed off as his gaze darted to my wrists and I nodded awkwardly.

“Right, I’ll just wait here.” I forced a smile to cover the embarrassment that I felt and he wandered from the room with a heavy shuffle. I paced around anxiously as I waited for him to return and was pleased when he entered the room carrying a box. I inspected the box in confusion and he smiled weakly as he placed it down. 

“I had a thought. Your hair is getting a little dulled down, when did you last have some colour in it?” He remarked with a twinkle of playfulness hidden deep behind the sadness of his eyes and I felt a pang of hope at the sight of it. “Well, I seem to remember it being a much more firey red when we first got here. I can’t cut hair but I know my chemicals and I could definitely mix up some dye. What do you say, you cut mine and I’ll dye yours?” He suggested and I smiled genuinely for the first time since Monty disappeared.

“Sounds time consuming, it’s perfect. You first.” I agreed and a small laugh escaped my lips. 

I settled on the edge of the bed and motioned for Jasper to sit on the floor between my knees with his back to me. I had the box of supplies on the bed beside me and as I picked through its contents I was impressed at what he’d managed to gather. I quickly got to work on organising Jasper’s heavy mop of hair. I was careful to only cut off the smallest amount of length as I was all too conscious that I didn’t really know much about hairdressing. I worked in comfortable silence for a while and had to admit that I was glad to be spending time with someone who I didn’t feel the need to force conversation with. Once I’d done neatening up Jasper’s hair we swapped places and he made mixing ingredients to create his home made hair dye seem simple. He pulled gloves from the box and scanned me in an assessing manner before his attention landed on my jacket thoughtfully. 

“You should probably take that off for this Indie, I don’t want to damage your safety blanket.” His expression was sympathetic as I reluctantly slid the precious item of clothing off and placed it carefully on the top bunk so that it couldn’t get accidentally splashed. As I leaned up to do this, I noticed Jasper staring at my wrists and I squirmed awkwardly. I quickly took my place on the floor in front of him and was immediately glad that I couldn’t see his pitying face anymore. Jasper occupied himself with running a comb through my damaged hair and cleared his throat to speak. 

“You can talk to me about it, you know.” He spoke softly and I pondered my wrists with a sigh. I knew that this conversation would need to happen sooner or later but I wanted to avoid it for as long as possible. It was such an intimate experience that I wasn’t sure I could explain it and even if I did, I worried that no one else would understand the way that I felt.

“I know, I just don’t have anything to say.” I muttered as I sharply removed my attention from the developing scars and realised that I had little endurance for viewing them.

“You never talk about them.” He sounded reluctant when he spoke again and I could feel him meticulously separating my hair as he tried to focus on the task to make the conversation less awkward. I didn’t know what to say and was overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to escape. “I know that it's hard but part of the healing is talking about it, leaning on your friends. You seem like you’re pretending Octavia and Bellamy didn’t exist, like it’s taboo to talk about them. We all miss them, you can share the grief.” He described and although I was glad that he felt he could be honest with me, I was upset by this accusation. I gulped as I felt my eyes filling with tears again and I struggled to battle them down. 

“I’m not pretending that they didn’t exist. What would I talk about? The fact that I couldn’t save either of them, or maybe that their faces haunt me every night?” I voiced and I felt Jasper flinch behind me. “You want me to share my good memories with my best friend so that everyone can feel sorry for me? Or should I discuss all of the times that I could’ve told B-” I abruptly cut myself off, unable to cope with the pain of his name on my lips and stuttered for a moment, staring at the floor as my heart ached. I wasn’t ready for this conversation, I wasn’t sure if I ever would be. “I never told him how I felt. I wasted my time with him and now he’s gone. There’s nothing more to say.” I breathed with every word causing a stabbing pain in my chest. Jasper sighed and I could feel that he was overwhelmed by my words, as he took a few minutes to decide what to say next. 

“Bellamy knew how you felt about him Indie, everyone did. It was clear as day. And I know that he felt the same about you too.” He asserted and I felt a single tear escape my composure. I quickly brushed it away and bit my lip to hold back the dam of emotions that threatened to tear me apart. 

“You can’t possibly know that Jasper. And now we’ll never know for sure. That’s just something I’ve got to learn to live with.” I replied bitterly, wishing that he would stop discussing it. “I miss both of them every minute of every day. It’s all I can think about. I don’t want to talk about it too.” I explained with a tone of finality. A few minutes passed in tense silence as he started to apply the cold dye to my hair and I sniffed in an effort to fight back tears. 

“I’m sorry for what I said when I visited you in medical. I felt awful for my part in your loss.” He whispered with regret evident in his voice. “You were suffering, I should’ve been more patient with you. And to make it worse, I was wrong after all, you had every right to be suspicious of this place.” His tone gave in to bitter resentment and I could understand this feeling well. “I’m really sorry Indie, I wish I could take it back.” He expressed this with such remorse that my defences finally softened slightly and he put a hand on my shoulder that I immediately reached up to squeeze in my own.

“It’s okay Jasper, we were all working through stuff. I forgive you.” I answered calmly and I felt a weight lift off his shoulders even without facing him. I was glad that I’d been able to remove this guilt from him.

“Hell, I was wrong about that, I was wrong about the Ark, who knows what else I was wrong about.” He started and I hummed in response. “Maybe Octavia and Bellamy made it, they’re survivors. Miller said he was carrying Octavia the last time he saw her and that she wasn’t with Bellamy when he saw him in camp, he would’ve left her somewhere safe-”

“_ Don’t. _” I hissed as I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath in an attempt to soften my voice. I didn’t want to lash out at Jasper and I battled to contain the vitriol that threatened to escape me. “Don’t do that Jasper, I can’t handle that kind of false hope right now. I have to believe that Monty is okay and that he’ll come back, that is all my mind can manage.” I explained carefully as my hands shook from the impact of his words.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” He muttered as I shifted uncomfortably on the floor. He finished applying the dye and wrapped a bag around my hair so that I could move without staining everything in the immediate area blood red. I had been touching my head in stress, so I had bright red splodges all over my hands and as soon as I turned around he noticed. He patted the bed for me to sit beside him with an amused smile. He pulled a clear bottle of liquid and some rags from the box to clean me up. I was impressed with how thorough he had been in planning for this and it only made it painfully clear how badly he needed something to focus his mind on. He ran his fingers gently on the scar on one of my wrists and I flinched involuntarily but didn’t withdraw from his grip this time. He met my eyes with a hurt expression and when he spoke, his voice was almost a whisper. “Please, don’t ever do that again.” He requested with a sorrow that stunned me. I felt my eyes welling up, and sniffed to contain it. I took a deep breath and prepared myself to face the conversation that he needed.

“I didn’t want to die Jasper, not really. I just wanted the pain to stop.” I clarified and I felt an unexpected wave of relief at my confession. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I have to keep you boys safe and I can’t do that if I’m dead. You two give me a reason to live and you help me to control the feelings.” I admitted with a sad smile and gazed thankfully at him. Instead of smiling in return, he furrowed his brow with concern as he viewed me. 

“And what about after we get out of here?” He questioned and I sighed as I considered my answer.

“I’ll still need to keep you safe.” I asserted but there was still an uncertainty in my words. “I couldn’t leave you to your own devices, you seem to always find trouble.” I suggested lightly, but the truth was that I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I didn’t know how I would manage without my focus on the danger that threatened them. I was painfully aware that it was all that was holding back the madness that I’d felt in the medical ward. For now, I had them and I was determined to keep it that way.


	34. Nᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ Oғ Tʜᴇ Bᴇᴀsᴛ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇs:** Cᴏᴜᴘ Dᴇ Gʀᴀᴄᴇ; Rᴜʙɪᴄᴏɴ; Rᴇsᴜʀʀᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

I used the simple bunker showers to wash out the home made dye and towel dried my newly red hair. I hurriedly dressed back in the black dress as I felt vulnerable to kidnapping the entire time that I was in the bathroom. I felt an immediate rush of relief as I slid Bellamy’s jacket back around me and wrapped myself up in it’s safety. I stood with my eyes closed for a few moments as I held the jacket tightly and took some deep breaths to relax my rapid heartbeat. 

As I reflected on my earlier conversation with Jasper I knew in my gut that my dependence on this jacket probably wasn’t healthy, but I couldn’t fathom parting myself from it just yet. I was in the process of the relaxation exercise that I used to guide Octavia through when the intrusive images of Monty burst through and I snapped my eyes open with gasp. It had been helpful to keep busy earlier with Jasper but now that I was alone I had no defence against my fear. I quickly snatched my things and strode back toward the dorms.

I power walked through the halls and I became aware that I was losing control as panic took over. My heart was hammering in my chest and I felt my hands shaking. Visions of Monty screaming for help flashed through my mind too quickly to fully comprehend. I reminded myself that I just needed to get to Jasper, he would be able to calm me. The hallways seemed to grow longer and I felt disoriented as I tried to navigate them. The narrative in my mind unexpectedly changed and the screaming quietened slightly only to be overlaid with Bellamy’s voice. 

_ “You have to find Monty.” _ I shook my head violently in an attempt to dislodge the sound, but it got louder and I covered my ears in desperation. _ “Come on Indigo, what are you doing? We don’t let anyone come for our people! Find him, rescue him, do whatever it takes.” _

I couldn’t tell if my sanity had finally snapped, or if my conscience had taken on Bellamy’s voice but it was unbearable to hear. As the words repeated in an inescapable loop, I became convinced that he truly would be upset with me if he were here. My anxiety accused me of losing the strength that I had possessed in camp and berated me for letting Monty down by simply waiting for Maya to find him. I started to convince myself that she was involved in his disappearance and that I would never see Monty again if I didn’t act now.

I found myself in a hallway that I didn’t recognise with no concept of how I got there. I could hear footsteps approaching and tucked myself into a small alcove to hide. I watched as one of the medical assistants from the unit approached a door and they checked over both shoulders before lifting their pass to the scanner to open the door. I felt a red haze overpowering my vision and without thinking leapt forward to seize them. I grasped their coat to drag them backwards before slamming their face into the wall as forcefully as I could, causing them to collapse. I snatched the pass from around their neck and waved it in front of the scanner. The moment that the door opened I rushed through and slammed it behind me. 

As I was met with another unfamiliar area I started to panic and broke into a wild run through the halls with only a subconscious awareness of where I was going. I stumbled around a corner and recognised the elevator that Monty had used to transport me from quarantine. I reached the doors and repeatedly hit the button in a fluster as I became aware of hurried footsteps echoing from behind me. I swore under my breath as I watched the screen above the elevator progressing through the floors at an agonising rate and aggressively probed at the button with clammy hands. It finally chimed to announce it’s arrival and I leapt to stand in front of the doors nervously. I was prepared to jump in at the first available opportunity but as the doors parted I was met with a swarm of guards. They descended over me like a tidal wave to tackle me to the floor and I felt a sharp pain in my side that I knew well by now.

***

I slowly became aware of a strange thrumming sound and the rattling of something metal. My body was weak and it seemed that I was tightly compressed. I blinked slowly in an attempt to force myself to wake up and immediately noticed my head spinning from the effort. I could feel something cold and hard digging into my skin, and as my surroundings came into view I was struck with the realisation that I was in a cage. My entire body flooded with adrenaline as my mind processed this terrifying information and everything came rapidly into sharp focus. 

I sat up in the cage that was barely big enough for the movement and glanced down at myself to discover that I had been stripped of my usual clothes. My skin was barely covered by some kind of surgical gown and I gulped as I analysed the need for this. I dragged my head up and was startled by the sight of Monty who was staring back at me from the other side of the bars. I threaded my fingers through the tightly gridded cage and he grasped my hand in return. As my eyes roamed his form, it was clear that we mirrored each other and I registered that he was contained in a cage next to mine. 

“Monty!” I gasped as I studied him in a mixture of relief and terror. Although I was pleased to find that he was alive, I quickly assessed that we may not be for much longer. “What happened? Where’s Harper?” I breathed in a fluster and he seemed heartbroken as he met my eyes.

“She’s behind me, next cage along. She’s in really bad shape.” He confirmed and I fidgeted within the tight containment in an attempt to view behind him. I glimpsed blonde hair just over his shoulder, but was unable to manoeuvre myself into a position where I could communicate with her. “This is fucked up Indie. They’ve moved us from storage to here and they’re getting ready to do something with us.” He rambled in a panic stricken manner and the fear was evident in his wide eyes. I felt my stomach fill with dread at his words and I was unnerved by the stark contrast to his usual calm demeanour. “What the hell are you doing here?” He quizzed as he seemed to suddenly realise that my arrival here was strange.

“I was searching for you.” I breathed as I squeezed his fingers to reassure myself and his eyes filled with tears. 

I scanned the small room and noticed there were only around a dozen cages in here. As I peered out of the front of the cage containing me, I clocked a barbaric operating table that was fully fitted with restraints and my stomach lurched at the discovery. On further inspection, I identified several monitors on the far wall with a trolley full of assorted medical tools that more closely resembled torture instruments.

The door swung open to reveal the friendly female doctor who had tried to reassure me when we volunteered for blood transfusions, followed by a large male doctor that I didn’t recognise. She approached the cages and examined us each in turn with a threatening expression. I glared back at her with murderous fury and she smirked as she moved back toward Monty. I battled to contain the anxiety that threatened to leap out of my chest and worried that I might prompt her to harm him if I antagonised her. I held my breath as she passed him to stand in front of the cage that Monty had described as containing Harper. 

“This one.” She spoke firmly and the male doctor obediently started to unlock the cage.

Monty rattled the door to his cage aggressively but it made little difference as they lifted Harper out. Now that she was in my field of vision it was clear that she was weak and exhausted; her face was bloody and I could identify multiple wounds on her body just at a glance. I could tell that she had already endured several procedures and I felt fury coursing through my veins as they lifted her almost completely limp body up onto the operating table. It was obvious that she had no remaining energy to fight them and I understood in this decision that they were no longer sympathetic about their treatment of us. The reassurances of the medical unit were nowhere to be found and I was disgusted to witness that they were willing to operate on someone in such a state.

“Stop it!” I barked as my words escaped without my permission but my voice earned no reaction from the doctors. “Are you fuckers too scared to deal with someone who can fight back?! Take me! I’m still full of life, I’m a much better specimen.” I yelled as I desperately stomped on the cage to create as much noise as possible. 

They continued to work as if they couldn’t even hear me and easily secured Harper into the restraints. They busied themselves with preparing tools and covered her body to the neck with an operating sheet. I could hardly breathe through the rage that threatened to destroy me and I was becoming frantic in my efforts to stop them. I knew that there was little chance of escape at this point and instead I focused on keeping us alive for long enough that Jasper could find us. The female doctor picked up a scalpel and cut into Harper’s hip in a long exaggerated motion. This cut earned a horrifying scream that burned into my memory and I flinched as I felt the colour draining from my face. 

“Please stop, she’s too weak.” Monty begged as he sagged against the care door in exhausted distress. I couldn’t stand the hurt that seeped into his words and I watched the agonised expression on his tear stained face with a heartbroken familiarity. I understood his feelings for her better than anyone and I recognised that being forced to witness this was as torturous for him as it would be if Bellamy was on that table for me.

“Don’t...don’t...not again.” Harper could barely manage a whisper through her panicked breaths and yet the doctors still behaved as if she were nothing more than a science experiment. I wracked my brain for ideas as I analysed Harper’s weak form and calculated that she was unlikely to survive many more of these procedures. I peeked at Monty through tearful eyes and struggled not to crumble at the idea that he would eventually take her place. 

I knew that I could not endure anyone harming him and I decided that if I had to sacrifice myself here to protect him, it would be worth it. I had already tried reasoning with them. The only logical solution that remained in my scattered mind was to get under their skin and to motivate them to hurt me instead. I heard the sound of a drill whirring and Monty frantically cried out at them to stop. The horror of the situation hit me at all once and I went berserk under the pressure. I snatched the cage door with both hands and began slamming it manically against the lock, shrieking like a banshee as I unleashed the overpowering fury that poured out from my core. 

“You sadistic fucking bitch, I’ll kill you! When I get out of here you’re dead! I’ll tear you apart, you sick, lying bastards!” I swore in a raving manner and when this failed to earn a reaction, I fell backward to repeatedly kick the cage door with all of the force that I could muster. Once it became clear that I had no intention of stopping, the doctor switched off the drill to sharply turn on the spot and faced me with a thunderous expression of annoyance.

“Sedate the loud one.” She ordered with frustration evident in her posture as I continued to lash out. The male doctor rolled his eyes before he approached the cage and my movements became even more frantic. I hadn’t anticipated this outcome and I descended into chaotic panic as I made every effort to stop them from being able to inject me.

“Fuck you, I’m not scared of you! I’m a murderer, I’ll kill you in ways you can’t even begin to imagine!” I roared as I glared over at her in disgust. 

I didn’t even feel the injection through the extreme adrenaline that was pumping through me. The door to the room burst open with a deafening slam but I couldn’t focus on the blurred figures that hurried inside. I remained conscious for long enough to notice the female doctor leap away from the opening table in shock before my eyes were forced closed.

***

When I next regained consciousness I recognised the dorms surrounding me and realised that I was lying on the floor. I slowly sat up to notice that I was hidden protectively behind a crowd of our people who were behaving as if they were recovering from some kind of attack. I brought my hands to my head to combat the disorientation of the movement and was taken aback when Monty rushed into my sight to grab my shoulders. 

“Thank god you’re okay!” He breathed with furrowed brows and I studied him in confusion. “I wish I could give you a gentler wake up but we don’t have time. Get dressed and ready for a fight, we’ll catch you up when we can.” He handed me a pile of clothes and I glanced down at my body to find that I was still wearing the surgical gown. I raised my brows in shock as I realised that I hadn’t imagined the time we’d spent beside each other in cages and it only intensified my confusion. I carefully struggled to my feet and quickly changed back into my dress and boots. Although I felt immediately better to be in a full item of clothing again, I couldn’t deny the continued sense that I was exposed with my arms uncovered and I scanned the area in concern for my jacket. I couldn’t find it anywhere within the tight corner of the room that I had woken in and my eyes were drawn to Monty in the crowd. I took a deep breath and approached him for answers. 

“Good, you’re done. We need to be ready to fight our way out of here.” He seemed frazzled as he addressed me in a firm tone and I peeked at the fearful faces that surrounded us with a feeling of dread.

“Monty, what the hell is going on? Last time I saw you we were in cages?” I breathed as I met his eyes with a feeling of urgency that I didn’t understand. I surveyed the room and felt an unease at the way the group huddled together. Although I was unsure what was happening, I knew that I had missed something important and I could sense the tension in the air.

“Jasper convinced President Wallace to release us from the cages and sent us back to get our people ready to leave. The problem is that he’s not in charge any more, his crazy son Cage has taken over and it turns out that he’s the one who’s been running the experiments this whole time. So instead of walking out together like we were promised, they locked us in here and the guards come with Dr Singh every four hours to take someone else. We tried linking together to stop them but they just tackle us until they can separate someone. They already took Del and Max.” He explained with an exhausted expression. I glimpsed over his shoulder to discover that the double doors to the dorms were closed and I rubbed my head in a gesture of stress.

“Okay, this isn’t over yet. Linking together is too defensive, we need to fight back, _ hard _. We can create weapons with things in this room, we did it at camp. We need to overwhelm them.” I ordered as I assessed our surroundings for inspiration and focused on the fire of determination that lit in my stomach. 

“You’re so alike.” Monty smiled fondly at me with his cryptic statement but before I could question who exactly he was comparing me to, Jasper stepped into my view with an abundance of relief in his warm face. 

“You look like you’re missing something.” He crooned as he handed me the heavy fabric of Bellamy’s jacket. I sighed in relief and smiled thankfully as I slipped it on. “I remembered to grab it on the way out of the lab.” He announced with pride and I finished adjusting the jacket with a familiar wave of comfort. “But Indie, I have to tell you something.” He added and I noticed that his body language became nervous as he shuffled on the spot. I gulped and raised a brow at him in anticipation. “Looks like you’ll be giving that back pretty soon...He’s here.” Jasper spoke in a slow, significant manner and I frowned back at him in bewilderment. 

“Who’s here?” I asked as my stomach dropped and I rapidly rescanned the faces of everyone in the room. I knew that he couldn’t possibly mean Bellamy but I felt my heartbeat quicken at the implication. 

“Bellamy! He's disguised as one of the guards. He told us to fight harder, we just have to keep them busy until he can get us out of here.” Jasper asserted and I felt as if the rest of the room crumbled around us. I could sense Monty’s concerned observation as I processed what I’d just heard and I felt myself staring open mouthed at Jasper. I found it hard to force words out as I fought for control of my own frantic mind and my tongue tied itself in knots as I tried to articulate the storm of my thoughts.

“Jasper, w-what are you talking about...that’s i-impossible.”

“Indie, I know this is hard for you to understand.” Monty put a hand on my arm to draw my attention to him and his eyes were filled with understanding. I could hardly hear him through the pounding of my heartbeat in my ears and I battled to remain focused on his explanation. “But I’ve questioned Jasper repeatedly about this. He already thought he saw Bellamy through the door earlier and now he’s had a conversation with him, that confirms it.. Bellamy is here and he needs our help. You already said the same thing he did, that we need to fight.” Monty attempted to pull me from the building madness that whirled inside my mind and I couldn’t comprehend the words that I was hearing.

“You don’t have to process this right now, I just need you to hold it together.” Jasper stepped closer to position himself at Monty’s side and pleaded in an attempt to reach me. “We need you Indie, we need your instincts. They’re going to come back and take another one of us, we have to stop them. They’re not just taking blood from us anymore, they’re killing us.” Jasper clarified and his words finally pulled me from my internal crisis. I pushed the information about Bellamy to the back of my mind. I refused to believe it so that I could cling to what remained of my sanity and forced my focus back into the room.

“The bunk beds are metal, see if you can take them apart at all.” I commanded as my analysing nature was drawn to them and I continued to search for other items that we could use as weapons. I felt the boys move beside me and when I glanced back they were both smiling at the suggestion.

“There’s our girl.” Monty muttered proudly and squeezed my arm warmly. I felt my arms shaking even under his grip as I battled to hold myself together and the anxiety pounded against the mental wall I had raised to protect myself. 

“He also gave me this.” Jasper pulled a gun from the back of his trousers and I raised my brows at him in surprise. “If you guys can overwhelm them, I’ve got a shot at taking someone out.” He elaborated and I was glad for Bellamy’s considerate thinking. I glossed over the acknowledgement of how we had attained the gun and instead considered the best use of it.

“It has to be the doctor, take the head off the snake.” I growled with more aggression than intended. “She seems to be leading the procedures, losing her would slow them down at least.” I explained as I reigned in my tone and tried to present a logical case. 

“Alright, good plan.” Monty agreed and I was relieved that I was still able to contribute. “Let’s arm up. We don’t have long.” He ordered as he spurred us into action and we parted in different directions.

We busied ourselves with deconstructing everything in the room that we could and managed to release several poles to use as weapons. I slid my hands under the mattress of my bunk in search of the scissors that I had used to cut Jasper’s hair and was relieved to find that they were still there. I was proud that I’d thought to hide them and I spent the last of our preparation time sharpening the blades into a weapon.

Jasper described the plan to the group and I listened with interest. The front row would link together in the same tactic as before to avoid suspicion; anyone with weapons would stand behind and keep them out of view. We were to wait for Dr Singh to choose someone and once the guards turned their backs on the group, we would ambush them. When Jasper had the opportunity to take a shot, he would shoot the doctor causing enough chaos for us to potentially overwhelm them. We banded into a tight unit as the time grew closer and I waited anxiously in the second row. Although I hadn’t seen the first few collections, the way that Monty had described them to me sent chills down my spine and I could feel the terror levels in the room. 

“Everyone! We stick to the plan, they’re not taking anyone else out of this room without a fight!” Jasper yelled and I was proud to witness him inspire the others. The buzzer sounded near the doors and multiple people in the crowd around me flinched in reaction. “Get ready.” He ordered and I nodded firmly as I steeled myself.

The doors opened to reveal an organised wall of guards with guns raised in front of them as they marched into the space and I couldn’t deny that the sight was intimidating as the others around me fidgeted nervously. 

“Disperse.” They ordered as they closed in on us, before they suddenly parted to allow Dr Singh to saunter through carelessly. She reached the front row with a controlled interest sparkling in her eyes and I shuffled my position to ensure that she didn’t notice me. She glimpsed between Jasper and Monty with a hunger that made my skin crawl and I felt my stomach lurch with terror. She finally settled her attention on Monty and pointed at him confidently. 

“This one.” She ordered, causing the guards to pull him from the barricade that we had created with practically no resistance. I battled every instinct in my body to attack as I reminded myself of the plan. I waited with shaking hands for the guards to turn their backs with him and as I stepped forward to fight, Jasper raised the gun in front of him.

“Hey! Get your hands off him!” He howled furiously. His vicious demand caused a guard to turn and raise his club in preparation to attack. The gun fired in what seemed to be an accident and I gasped in shock as the bullet struck the guard in his bulletproof vest .

The shock of the gun only stopped things momentarily, before the guard swung the club to easily disarm Jasper and all hell broke loose. Miller lunged forward to swing a metal pipe at the guard and his movement launched the group into battle. It was impossible to track what was happening amidst the chaos and I surged forward to tackle a guard to the floor, before another of our people stepped in to strike him with a pole. 

In barely a matter of seconds most of our people were violently apprehended and I stepped back to frantically search the room for Monty as the guards herded us backwards. Dr Singh approached our huddled group again and surveyed us with an offended expression, as if she couldn’t believe that we had the audacity to fight for our lives. I spotted Monty on his knees beside a guard on the other side of the room and was glad that he was at least still within my reach. Dr Singh glared down at Jasper, who was on his hands and knees. 

“Take him instead.” She ordered as she indicated to Jasper in a frustrated gesture.

“No!” I screamed, unable to hold back my emotions any longer and tried to battle my way through the crowd. “You can’t take Jasper!” I snarled and I watched two guards seize him by his arms as I fought my way to a gap that was no longer protected.

“Search the rest, make sure there are no other weapons.” Dr Singh stated as Jasper was dragged through the doors screaming. I burst out of the crowd and grabbed her before she could escape. I pulled the scissors from my pocket and plunged them into her gut as hard as I could. I twisted the blades maliciously as she fell away from me and I was forced to the ground face first in a painful restraint by the guards. 

“Bring her too.” Dr Singh wheezed from above me and I was hoisted back to my feet with my arms behind my back. The last remaining guard in the room supported her side and helped her to walk. As I was hauled along behind her I could hear Monty’s desperate cries fading into the background as we exited the dorms. The doors slammed behind me and I came face to face with Jasper, who studied me in confusion.

“No, Indie! Let her go! You already have me!” He pleaded as he hysterically fought against them with a renewed spirit at the sight of me.

“She stabbed me!” Dr Singh spat as she indicated to the scissors that protruded from her gut and Jasper’s eyes widened at the sight of the wound, which poured blood at an alarming rate. “As soon as we’re in the lab I want her prepped. I’ll start on her the second I’m stitched up.” She ordered the guard at her side and I scoffed at her words.

“Does it hurt bitch?” I laughed darkly as I glared at her. I couldn’t suppress the depraved enjoyment of her suffering and she turned her attention to me with a fury burning behind her eyes. “It’s such a shame that we couldn’t have more time together. I had such plans” I drawled and could feel Jasper watching me with panicked eyes as we waited for the elevator that would take us to our deaths. I was fearful but relieved that she’d decided to operate on me first, hoping that I’d bought enough time for rescue to come for Jasper.

“I usually struggle to harm you kids, but I’m going to enjoy harvesting you.” She spat threateningly as she stared at me, before she appeared to gag and her hands grasped at her throat.

“Ugh, something’s wrong.” One of the guards holding me groaned as he started to choke and I inspected the area in confusion. 

“Radiation! We need to get out of here.” Dr Singh’s voice cracked as she spoke. She panted as she grabbed the radio from the guard beside her. “Containment breach, level 5.” She cried into it as the guards around us collapsed and left Jasper and I free to move. “Seal the whole floor.” She struggled to get the words out as her skin burned up and bled. I watched her suffering with a sadistic smile and refused to break eye contact as she collapsed to her knees. 

“Bellamy.” Jasper breathed with a tone of amazement and I glanced over to see him staring at the ventilation fan at the end of the corridor with a grin.

“Come on, we don’t know how much time that gave us. Let’s get the others out.” I ordered as I grabbed a pass from one of the guards and rushed to open the doors to the dorms. “Let’s move, everyone out!” I urged those left trapped there into action and they flooded out of the space in a panic.

“Let’s go! This is our chance!” Jasper called as he directed people down the hall and I remained at the doors to usher them out of the room. “Take the level! Monty, get the cameras! Miller, get their guns! Go!” Jasper ordered and I was pleased that he took control of the situation. I waited until the last person had been moved from dorms and ran around the corner to find Jasper standing at the elevator doors. I paused at his side to check whether he needed help and found Dr Singh lying inside the space, pleading for her life. I was quickly joined by Monty, Miller and Harper as we all glared down at her in disgust. 

“I hope you know that you’re incredibly special to us.” Jasper spoke poignantly and I understood that this was something she must have said to him before. We all watched as she screamed in agony, burning up in the radiation until she finally died. I placed a hand on Jasper’s shoulder and squeezed it supportively.

“We need to take a space that we can hold, somewhere we can defend until rescue comes.” I advised firmly and Jasper nodded distractedly.

We followed him into the dining room and busied ourselves with barricading the entrances. I seized a handful of table knives and focused on sharpening them to a dangerous point. Once I’d finished I stowed them in every pocket that I could find and even hid some in my boots for an emergency. I hoped that no one would get close enough for me to use them, but after our last plan came so close to getting Jasper and I killed, I needed to be prepared.

“We took the level, but now we need to hold it. They will be coming and we need to be ready!” Jasper called over the chaos as we rushed around. I found Fox knocking down surveillance cameras from the ceiling and grabbed a pole to assist her, smashing any cameras that I could find into pieces. As she destroyed the last remaining one, I noticed Jasper and Monty speaking near the doors and marched over to them. 

“Hey guys, anything specific you want me to do in this plan?” I investigated in the hopes that between them they had formulated tactics that were better considered than my last suggestion. 

“You’re a great shot, probably the best we have left. Get a gun from Miller. I’m counting on you to take down as many as you can.” Jasper ordered and I nodded. I assisted in the final steps to build the barricade and assisted in a few other defensive ideas as we attempted to use every available moment to add to our arsenal. I noticed Harper setting out buckets of water and was about to question it when Monty stepped into the centre of the room. 

“Alright listen up people! I’m sure you all remember the smoke grenades they used in camp to bring us here. There’s a good chance that they’ll use those again. If they do, we’re ready. Grab the grenade and get it into any of the buckets of water. We have to be able to fight, we’re only going to get one chance at this!” Monty announced and I smiled at him proudly.

We all settled into our assigned positions, ensuring that we were spread to cover the room as densely as possible as we waited for an attack that we knew would come. Monty watched the hallway cameras on a small screen for any sign of battle commencing and we all strained to remain strong. 


	35. Rᴇsᴜʀʀᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇs:** Rᴇsᴜʀʀᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ; Bᴏᴅʏɢᴜᴀʀᴅ Oғ Lɪᴇs; Bʟᴏᴏᴅ Mᴜsᴛ Hᴀᴠᴇ Bʟᴏᴏᴅ - Pᴀʀᴛ 1

There was a powerful explosion from the hall and we all knew that the time had come. I checked the oversized gun that I was holding one last time and steeled myself for a fight. I could hear Monty and Jasper strategising in the corner as I kept a tense view on the door. 

“Wait a second.” Monty got louder suddenly and the tone of his voice caught my attention. “Some of them aren’t wearing hazmat suits.” He declared and I glanced over my shoulder at them in wide eyed horror as I realised the implications of his statement. 

“What’s it mean?” Miller asked in confusion as he glimpsed between the scowl that I wore and tension of the boys. Jasper looked up to meet his eyes with a fearful expression. 

“Means they’re cured. Marrow treatments worked.” He answered in a solemn voice and my stomach lurched at his confirmation. The realisation struck me that they would kill every single person here if needed now that they had proof that we were the cure. There was an insistent pounding on the door which startled me from my thoughts and I returned to the moment with a feeling of dread.

“Get ready!” Jasper commanded over the deafening sound which revealed that our attackers were ramming something that would burst the door open. I gripped the gun tightly in my hands as I prepared for what I knew that I would inevitably have to do. I heard the sound of barging behind me and glanced over my shoulder to find that the other set of doors were taking a similar beating. We were being flanked from both sides and I gulped in anticipation. As the doors in front of me flew open, several smoke grenades were thrown over the top of the blockade of chairs that we had built and people moved quickly to dowse them in buckets. 

“Play dead, everyone play dead! Wait for my signal, we’ll ambush them!” Jasper called out and there was a wave of momentum as people rapidly dropped to the floor. I threw myself to the ground and tucked the gun underneath me to hide it from view. I held my breath as the guards flooded the space from both entrances and paced around checking us individually. I waited with my heart pounding in my ears for Jasper to give the order and listened to their boots pounding with a lump in my throat.

“Now!” Jasper howled as he sprung to his feet and swung an axe into the back of the nearest guard.

We exploded into action as chaos broke out between the two sides. The space rang with the sound of gunfire and screaming as we clashed, and I could see those around me fighting for their lives. I beheld the scene in a state of disbelief as our people attacked with anything they could find and the combat quickly became close and personal. I darted my eyes around the room for people who were struggling and tried to take slow, careful shots as I worried about hitting the wrong person. 

I was surrounded by bloodshed as I turned on the spot to analyse the situation all around me. I managed to shoot several of our attackers successfully but it was impossible to keep track of what was happening. It was a brutal scene to witness as our people tore the guards apart and blood splattered up the walls. I prepared to fire again but the gun jammed and I realised almost a moment too late that one of the attackers was charging at me. I frantically fiddled with the gun in a desperate bid to reload it as the enemy pounded towards me. With only seconds left to spare, I gripped the gun by one end and swung it at his head, causing him to drop to the floor. I hit him several more times to be sure that he wouldn’t get back up and panted as his blood splashed onto my face.

“Retreat! Retreat! Pull back! Pull back now!” I heard the leader of their forces calling out as he dragged any surviving allies from the floor but we didn’t relent. We attacked anyone within reach as they rapidly backed away and Jasper stood at the front of our forces, screaming wildly as they scarpered for cover. I examined our people as our assailants fled in terror from us; every one of us was splattered in blood and yelled alongside Jasper in a frenzied unison. He turned to face us as the last guard stumbled out of the room with his face full of hope and admiration.

“We did it!” He announced and the others cheered in a joint celebration. “Seal the barricade!” He ordered and the crowd parted diligently to reset our defences. Jasper met my eyes with a subtle nod and flashed him a smile that couldn’t possibly convey the pride that I felt in him.

“Jasper! No, no! Jasper!” 

We both startled at the desperate screaming that shattered the relief in the room and I whipped around to face the door in horror as recognition punched me in the stomach. Jasper bolted past me as I remained rooted to the spot and felt cold dread shiver down my spine. The realisation struck me that we had failed, all of the fighting hadn’t prevented them from taking one of us. 

“Fox! Fox no!” Jasper cried out as he sprinted towards the door and I turned to witness Miller catch him in place. I noticed with a grimace that he was struggling to contain him as he battled in a desperate need to rescue Fox. I took a deep breath before I strolled over to their side and placed a hand on Jasper’s shoulder to turn him to face me.

“Hey. You have to stop, you have to stay in control Jasper.” I asserted as Miller released him into my grip and I took hold of his shoulders firmly. Jasper’s expression broke as he viewed me and his eyes filled with guilty tears. 

“I told her she’d be okay.” He breathed as they overflowed to roll down his cheeks and I gripped his face in my hands as I brushed them away. “I promised.” He whispered in a defeated manner that revealed the extent of his regret and I gazed at him sympathetically.

“You did everything you could but you can’t fall apart yet. There are plenty of people in this room who still need you.” I soothed as I pushed his hair away to get a better view of him and dried his face gently. When he dragged his eyes back to mine I could recognise the agonising remorse that waited there and I felt that the darkest parts of our hearts acknowledged each other. “We can’t give up, either of us.” I muttered meaningfully and released him from my grip with the unshakeable trust that he would do the right thing.

I felt Monty approach the two of us from behind and stepped out of Jasper’s space so that he could address him. I observed as Monty held up the screen which displayed the feed from the hallway security cameras and it showed Fox being abducted by the guards. I watched Jasper’s devastated face and felt guilty that I hadn’t tried to save her. There was a groan from nearby and I glanced over to discover someone in a hazmat suit crawling across the floor. Jasper seemed to notice this at the same moment and stalked over to them menacingly, before swinging the axe into the air and crashing it down into their back with a scream. I studied him in concern as the others all paused in shock at the brutality of his actions. I decided to give him a moment to recover and attempted to source some privacy for him. I turned to face the watching crowd with annoyance. 

“We don’t have time to waste people! Clear out the bodies, get that barricade back up and get this place ready for the next wave!” I yelled in an authoritative manner and was relieved when they dispersed without question. 

I glanced over my shoulder at Jasper who hadn’t moved at all and struggled to consider anything else that I could say to help him. I met Monty’s eyes to find that his concern mirrored mine and he nodded subtly at me. I felt a wave of relief and sighed as I left him to manage Jasper. I assisted the others in repairing the barricade and then occupied myself with gathering up weapons. There were only four guns to be salvaged as the attackers we had just scared off weren’t carrying any. I gathered all the ammunition that I could find on a table to distribute, followed by any other useful supplies that I stumbled across in the room. I was startled when Jasper appeared beside me to line up walkie talkies on the table as others dropped off various items that they’d collected from the bodies of the guards.

“They’re gonna come in a lot hotter next time, you know that right?” Miller appeared on my other side and addressed Jasper in an antagonising manner.

“All we’ve got to do is hold the floor until Bellamy finds a way out.” Jasper replied in annoyance and I scanned him doubtfully. I couldn’t deny that his behaviour was causing me to feel less certain of his belief that Bellamy was here by the minute. He was coping undeniably well under the sudden stress of leadership and I was relieved to have his expertise for the plans, but it was clear that he was starting to unravel under the pressure.

“We’re gonna need more than some buckets of water and 4 guns to do that.” Miller retorted and I opened my mouth to warn him to back off when one of the radios on the table crackled.

“This is President Wallace talking to the people who just killed 10 of my men.” 

I recognised the voice from the radio and I felt my stomach drop as I realised why. It was the same voice that had told the medical staff that my blood was valuable and to keep me alive when I was drugged. This was Cage, the original President Wallace’s son and the man responsible for all of the experiments on our people. Everything started to make a repulsive sense and I felt sick to my stomach.

“Jasper!” Monty breathed in a frantic hiss as he held the screen out for us both to watch.

“I thought we’d try something a little different this time. There’s only 20 minutes of oxygen in Maya’s suit.” The voice on the radio continued and I observed as Maya backed slowly out of the elevator into the hall wearing a hazmat suit. My stomach lurched as I peeked at Jasper’s heartbroken face. “I know she’s a friend of yours. 20 minutes, your friend will either suffocate or burn...but you can save her. All you have to do is surrender.” The threat caused the atmosphere in the room to grow heavy. We glanced around at each other in shock and I couldn’t manage any words. Miller and Harper caught my eyes with equally reluctant expressions and I waited for someone to say something or to suggest a plan, but nobody spoke. 

“Let her in, quickly.” Jasper ordered his stunned audience and when none of us moved, he pushed past us to open the door himself. He led Maya inside with a protective arm around her and guided her to a seat before immediately placing himself closely next to her. Monty and I approached in unison to crouch down in front of her and I gazed at her sympathetically. I didn’t know what to do or feel, the whole situation was a mess and I felt conflicted between my people and her life. 

“Listen to me, Fox is okay. Bellamy saved her. He’s gonna get some guns in here through the trash chute.” She stated firmly as she directed her words to Jasper and Monty. My eyes widened as I processed what I’d heard and my breath hitched. I couldn’t comprehend the idea that a second person was claiming to have seen Bellamy and I felt my body stiffen in response.

“If we can get guns in, we can get you out.” Jasper whispered reassuringly at Maya whilst I froze in shock.

“No, we can’t.” Monty revealed, causing them both to inspect him with confusion. “I dismantled the chute, I’m sorry. I didn’t think we’d be trying to open it ourselves.” He admitted as he glimpsed between the three of us guiltily. He reached out to put his hand over Maya’s reassuringly. “I can fix it.” He added with a determined confidence and sprung to his feet. 

“Thank you, go help him.” Jasper called over to Miller and Harper as Monty ran in the direction of the chute. They nodded back obediently in confirmation before rushing after him. I made nervous eye contact with Maya and studied her in disbelief. I opened my mouth to speak and closed it again several times, too afraid to ask what I needed to. 

“Did you say Bel…” I paused abruptly and inhaled sharply as I still stuttered on his name. “Did you say Bellamy was here?” I asked fearfully as I stared up at her with an intensity that carried the weight of my question. She nodded in return and I inspected her adamant face in confusion. “That’s impossible. Are you sure you didn’t get the wrong name?” I whispered as my mind raced to try to contain the hope that threatened to blossom in the hole in my chest that had been aching since I first woke up here.

“I’m sure that’s the name he gave me. Tall, dark hair, freckles...willing to do whatever it takes to find his people?” She listed a description that rapidly built the image of him in my mind and I felt my chest compress tightly as my breath caught in my throat. “And if that doesn’t convince you, the first words he spoke to me were ‘where is Indigo?’” She added with a sympathetic smile.

I couldn’t hide the tears that filled my eyes as I covered my mouth in shock and stepped back from her. I stumbled in my desperation to escape their pitying stares and felt as if my head was about to explode. I paced around for a few minutes running my hands frantically through my hair and hyperventilating. I could hear Monty and the others struggling with the chute but I couldn’t focus on anything other than the earth shattering information that I’d just absorbed. Instead, my mind was tearing itself apart over the idea that Bellamy was here somewhere and I was overwhelmed with the urge that I wasn’t getting to him fast enough. 

I felt suffocated in the room full of people and tore out into the hall as I felt myself shaking from head to toe. I couldn’t decide what to do and there was a symphony of voices in my mind screaming to find him. I paced the hall and whilst I was moving I searched every crevice for a way off this floor. I stopped in my tracks and stared at the hypnotising movements of the fans behind the grid. Octavia’s face flashed through my mind and I once again remembered her climbing out of the air vents in the Skybox. I hurried back into the dining hall and investigated our supplies for something that I could use to get the grate open. Jasper noticed my frantic behaviour and rushed to my side to check on me. 

“Hey Indie, are you holding up okay?” He asked as he carefully reached out to touch my arm as if he were dealing with a dangerous animal.

No, no I’m not.” I spat as I stepped away from his touch to continue with my task. “I can’t just sit here knowing that he’s in Mount Weather somewhere. I need to find him.” I ranted in a frustrated tone as I felt my mind unravelling.

“Look, I know that finding out about Bellamy is a big deal but you just need to sit tight. Monty’s working on getting the chute open and Bellamy’s going to come right to us.” Jasper asserted as he stepped into my path to block my panic driven movements. He gripped my shoulders tightly with both hands to keep me in place and scrutinised me firmly in an attempt to take control. 

“What if Monty can’t get it open? Or what if something happens to Bellamy before he gets here? I can’t - I can’t just sit and wait! He might need my help, you know how reckless he can be.” I stuttered as I aggressively shook his hands off my shoulders and stepped away from him. “You can either help me get out of here, or you can get out of my way.” I spat in a threatening tone that I hadn’t intended to use.

“I am getting you out of here, Monty and I are working on it right now.” Jasper argued with obvious exasperation as he glimpsed from me to the others in an attempt to maintain an awareness of the situation in the room. “Unless you have any other bright ideas, I don’t know what else I can do for you Indie.” He commented with a heavy sense of exhaustion. 

“The air vent in the hall, I need to get it open. It has to lead to other floors, if I can find him and back him up, that’s only going to increase our chances of making it out of here.” I explained as I softened my voice and met his eyes with a pleading expression. Jasper sighed with a hint of disappointment. He glanced around reluctantly before picking up several poles and summoning a group of men to my side. 

“Help Indigo to get the hall grate open and get back here as soon as you can. Block the cameras first so they can’t see what you’re doing.” He ordered as he handed out the poles and they rushed into the hall. I was about to follow them when he grabbed my wrist to halt me. “Be careful and stay alive. I know how reckless _ you _ get around Bellamy. We can’t lose anyone else.” He clung to me as he spoke and warned me with fearful eyes. I nodded in agreement and he finally released me.

I emerged into the hall to find the cameras all covered and the men were making quick progress to remove the grate. I ran to join them with the last pipe and jammed it into the grate. I pushed against it with all the force I could muster to assist in prising it open. After several strenuous attempts it finally popped off and I could access the tunnel behind it. I thanked the others for their help as I freed them to return to Jasper’s command and climbed into the vent with a determination that radiated from my core. I lifted the discarded grate and placed it over the entrance behind me to cover my tracks. 

I crawled through the claustrophobic tunnels and tried to keep myself focused on the task. It was difficult to navigate and I quickly found that I had lost track of where in the facility I was. I emerged into a circular area with a grated floor and took a moment to stretch out. There were multiple open tunnels in every direction and I cursed under my breath as I assessed each of them. They were all identical from where I stood and it dawned on me that Jasper was right to stop me from leaving. I had no idea where Bellamy was in this bunker and now I was vulnerable with no backup against the forces that controlled this base. I kicked the ground in frustration and hissed under my breath. I reluctantly squeezed myself back into the same tunnel that I’d just exited and started on my way back to the others. I was about half way back when I heard raised voices and knew that the reinforcements had arrived to seize the remaining group.

I gulped and remained in place as I listened to their conversations. I considered the plan that they had been formulating when I left and hoped that they had been successful in receiving supplies to fight with. I felt immensely guilty for leaving them and was struck with the impulse to help them fight. I knew that I would be far more vulnerable now, as I would have to attack from behind the soldiers and this would leave me at great risk of being taken myself. I waited until I could be sure that the guards were no longer in the hallway and was about to start moving towards the exit when I heard the confused voices of the soldiers questioning where the kids were. 

I paused for a few minutes longer to check whether they had planned another form of ambush, but once the soldiers filtered back out with no sounds of confrontation, I knew that my people were not on level five any longer. I smiled to myself as I decided that Monty must have succeeded in repairing the chute and they had likely used it as an escape route instead of risking fighting again. I felt immediately calmer now that I knew the others were no longer trapped and slowly backed my way out of the tunnel into the circular chamber.

I inspected each new tunnel in the hope that I would notice something that could guide me but they all seemed to be dead ends from here. I sighed before deciding to choose at random and climbed into one of them. It took a significantly longer time to reach the end than I expected and when I reached another panel I was exhausted. I was relieved to discover that it was barely attached and pushed it off without much resistance. I emerged into an area of the bunker that I hadn’t seen before and I crept carefully through the halls. From the state of the area it seemed to be disused and required serious maintenance. I quickened my pace as I jogged in a random direction and it wasn’t long before I noticed the sound of footsteps approaching. I dove behind a cupboard to hide and waited with nervous anticipation. 

After a few frantic moments a lone guard passed and I sprung out to grab him. At first I only intended to tackle him but I didn’t possess the strength to overpower him and he almost managed to throw me off. I was reminded of the incident with Pike in our last Earth skills class and knew from my experience with him that I wouldn’t manage to control the situation for much longer. I pulled a knife from my pocket and stabbed the guard in the neck without hesitation. If there was one thing that I’d learned from Pike, it was that I needed to be willing to do what was necessary and although I didn’t enjoy killing, I knew what this guard was willing to capture me for. I reassured myself that it was either him or my friends and I had no difficulty in making that decision. I stole the radio from his belt and found a note in his pocket labelled guard training that confirmed what rooms were on each floor. I glanced down with a pang of regret as I observed the young man whose life I’d ended but I shook my head to dislodge the thought. I stuffed the radio into my pocket and followed the corridor until I found a tunnel entrance with a warning sign labelled maintenance only. 

I removed the grate to crumple myself inside and crawled along the tunnel until I reached an opening. I stepped into a small space with a ladder on the wall and surveyed the area to determine that it allowed access to multiple levels. I took a deep breath before I stepped onto the ladder and started my ascent. I was almost at the next floor when the radio crackled in my pocket.

“Intruder located, he’s in chemical deployment. Bravo squad, intercept and capture.”

I felt my breath hitch at the message and I knew in my gut that they must be referring to Bellamy. I recalled Jasper’s mention that he was disguised as a guard and was planning to disable the acid fog. With renewed motivation, I rushed up the remaining bars and onto the next floor. Panting from the strain, I stepped off the ladder and pulled the note from my pocket to confirm where chemical deployment was. I was relieved to discover that I was on the correct floor already. I tried to interpret the crude, hand drawn map on the other side of the note and figured out which tunnel should lead to chemical deployment.

I was about to climb into it when I heard a strange rumbling noise coming from inside. I leaned closer and touched the edge of the metal that lined the route only to jolt backwards as it scolded me. There was a blast of hot air and I threw myself to the grated floor of the chamber just in time to miss an explosion of flames that burst out of the vent. I curled into myself and covered my head as I cried out in shock. The floor shook beneath me and I heard the sound of some metal structures around me collapsing. I remained fearfully in place as I waited for my surroundings to calm and I tried to convince myself that the grate I laid on was secure. I could feel myself shaking as I had flashbacks to the sounds of the dropships engines firing and yet again felt at the mercy of the overpowering worry over what might have happened to Bellamy.

I reminded myself that if he had made it out of the chamber, he would likely need my help. I couldn’t afford to fall apart like I did in the aftermath of the dropship. I forced myself back to my feet to find that the tunnel I’d been planning to take had collapsed in on itself and was no longer accessible. I hissed in frustration as I examined the other surrounding vents. Without wasting any more time on considerations I climbed into the next entrance and I hoped that this one would emerge close enough to chemical deployment that I could investigate where he’d gone next. I followed the tunnels for what felt like hours around numerous twists and turns until I realised that I’d completely lost track of my location again. I approached a grate and decided to take the risk of exiting to reorient myself. 

I pushed the grate off and stepped into another identical hallway. I groaned in disappointment and spurred myself to walk to my left in search of anything familiar. I hadn’t apprehended any guards in a while and worried that the others may already have been captured. I turned the corner and almost slammed into Miller, Fox and a stranger who seemed to be escorting them. I leapt back in shock and automatically grabbed a knife to hold out in front of me. I was close enough to Fox to reach her and instinctively pulled her behind me protectively as I assessed the man that she was with.

“Hey Indigo, it’s okay! He’s safe!” Miller gasped as he jumped in front of me and held his hands out in a gesture of trust. “This is Maya’s dad, he’s been helping us out since you left.” He added and I felt a pang of guilt at his wording. I released my grip on Fox and she turned to view me with an appreciative smile.

“So you’re the infamous Indigo, Maya has told me a lot about you. I’m Vincent.” The stranger smiled as he spoke and I still viewed him with a deep rooted suspicion. “We’ve been hiding your people with residents who don’t agree with Cage, but the guards are doing door to door checks now. Bellamy wants you all to meet in the harvest chamber and be ready to fight.” He explained in a slow, steady manner as the other two studied me in nervous anticipation. It was clear from their nervous demeanour that they weren’t sure what to expect from me and it gave me an uncomfortable perspective into my erratic behaviour.

“Wait, Bellamy was here?” I asked doubtfully as Vincent nodded. I felt a wave of relief at this confirmation that he had survived the blast but it was immediately followed by disappointment as I realised that I’d missed him again. “Did he say where he was going?” I questioned as I glimpsed between them and noticed Fox smiling at me with an understanding look.

“He went to level three to find Monty and the rest of our people.” She answered keenly. I felt conflicted between escorting them and continuing to look for Bellamy, especially now that I knew that Monty was at risk. “I think he’s still looking for you too. He asked where you were as soon as we got out of the dining hall. Jasper went with him to help.” She explained and I felt my chest tighten with anxiety. I shuffled on the spot as I considered my options and I knew in my gut that I should trust in Bellamy’s plan. I struggled to battle against my desire to find him and my stomach twisted in knots.

“I can take care of these two if you want to follow your man.” Vincent spoke in a gentle, compassionate voice and I viewed him with confusion. “I’ve been helping Bellamy to stay undercover since he arrived and he’s been asking for you since we first met. It’s not hard to figure out why; I knew that desperate expression well young lady.” He smiled and I raised my brows at his frank nature in surprise. I glanced over to Miller who nodded encouragingly and Fox squeezed my arm before moving closer to Miller. “They’re with Miss Ryan, room 315. You can use the west hallways, they’re under repair so there are no cameras active. If you’re fast, you should catch them up” Vincent instructed and I nodded in acknowledgement. I peeked reluctantly back at the others one last time before heading off in the direction that Vincent had pointed.


	36. Hᴇʟʟ Hᴀᴛʜ Nᴏ Fᴜʀʏ

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇs:** Bʟᴏᴏᴅ Mᴜsᴛ Hᴀᴠᴇ Bʟᴏᴏᴅ - Pᴀʀᴛ 1

It was a blessing that the cameras were out in this part of the bunker, as I was able to access the stairwells instead of slowly crawling through vents and ladders to get to level three. Following Vincent’s directions, I jogged down several flights of stairs with his words racing through my mind. They only led to an exit on level two and I fell into a stealthier posture as I became aware that I could bump into guards out in the open. I followed the hallways in search of another covert route and halted in my tracks as I caught the sound of footsteps around the next corner. I listened closely as I identified enough steps for a group and noticed a strange metallic clanking sound that I couldn’t recognise. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and crept around the corner.

The turn emerged behind a guard who walked at the back of a captive group of my people. I snuck closer to discover the source of the strange noise; they were handcuffed and chained together with another sentinel leading at the front. My stomach lurched in a wave of panic before I was overwhelmed with anger. I discreetly slid a knife from my boot and stealthily approached the minder at the back. I straightened up at the last possible moment to kick him in the back of his knee joint and when he fell forward, I took the opportunity to stab the knife into his neck. There was a commotion as he cried out and the others turned to witness me. They gasped in relief and my presence spurred them to fight in whatever means they could through their restraints. This allowed me the time to grab a gun from the guard whom I’d demobilised. The group had caused enough of a distraction to shield me from attack by the captor at the front, who continually struggled to get past them. I held the gun up in preparation but I couldn't get him in my sights and I didn’t fancy my chances against him in a fight.

“Get down!” I commanded and they all dropped to the ground without question. As soon as they were out of the way and the assailant was exposed to me, I aimed for his face. I didn’t hesitate for a second as I shot him down and immediately turned my attention to the group. I seized keys from the two bodies and unlocked the first person that I reached before handing the second key to them to assist. We efficiently freed everyone between us and I turned to face the group, counting the six of them with disbelief. 

“Did anyone else get taken from you?” I questioned as I analysed them and was surprised to find them split into such small groups.

“We were with Monty on the third floor but they decided that it was too risky to stay in such a large group. They moved us to another apartment but the guards found us.” A girl at the front explained with a stressed expression.

“What happened to Monty?” I investigated in a worried voice as I surveyed their traumatised faces.

“He stayed in Mrs Ryan's apartment with the other half of the group. I don’t know if they found them yet.” She answered and I felt nerves building in my stomach at her uncertainty. 

“Okay, you need to get to the harvest chamber, Bellamy has a plan. Follow this and be ready to fight.” I instructed as I handed them the map from my pocket. It was certain that I would find it difficult to navigate without it but I felt that it was more important for them to reach the meeting point. I snatched the gun from the other guard that I’d killed and handed it to her firmly. Then I collected several knives from my pockets and assigned them to a couple of the others. “That’s all I can give you. Stay out of sight and keep close, cover each other's backs.” I ordered and they nodded thankfully before hurriedly leaving. 

Their departure prompted me to continue in the direction of the next stairwell through the damaged hallways. It wasn’t long before I approached the end of the un-monitored areas and I could tell from the condition of the remaining hall that the cameras there were likely to be supervised. I growled in frustration as I wrecked my mind for an alternative. My eyes were drawn to another entrance to the air vents just before the end of the decrepit area and I sighed in reluctance. Begrudgingly, I entered the vent with a feeling of dread and crawled until I came to the central chamber with the ladders again. I could hear some kind of announcement from the main building, but the sound was muffled in the chamber and I couldn’t make out any of the information. 

Although I had been here before, it was still fear inducing to climb the ladder that seemed to hang over a bottomless pit. My legs shook as I stepped onto the bars and I slowly made my way down. My hands clung to the ladder nervously and I kept my focus on the wall in front of me in an effort to prevent myself from looking down. Every step was harrowing and I could feel a cold bead of sweat running down my back. I stepped onto the third floor with a breath of relief and took a moment to compose myself from the ordeal before squeezing back into the claustrophobic space of a vent. I crawled through in a heavy state of exhaustion as I practically dragged myself onward and I panted from the energy that it took to keep going. There was a blaring alarm sound followed by an announcement that echoed through the narrow metal tunnels. 

“Attention, class one quarantine protocols are now in effect. All citizens must report to level five immediately. Hard seal lockdown in T minus 30 minutes and counting. This is not a drill.”

My body screamed in rebellion against me despite my urgent desire to move faster. Now that the announcement was clear, I knew that I had to be close to an exit. My mind rattled over what could have happened to cause them to retreat to level five and I reminded myself not to panic. I considered that they may have taken this action so that they were free to pursue us and that this would make it impossible for any of the others to remain in hiding. I rushed to make it to the grate and aggressively punched it out in my haste. I knew that it couldn’t be much further to the room where Monty was hidden and I prayed that I wasn’t too late. My legs carried me in a jog as I followed the bunker numbers and neared Mrs Ryan’s apartment. I turned the corner to discover that the apartment door was wide open with a woman lying in a puddle of blood.

I pulled the gun from my pocket and approached the scene cautiously. As I reached her side, I was horrified to discern a bullet wound in her head and the manner that she was lying in revealed that she had not received any warning before she was brutally killed. The terrifying calculation struck me that the guards were likely shooting any residents suspected of hiding our people and I felt my chest tighten with anxiety. I crept into the apartment with the gun raised ahead of me and it was clear that the accommodations had been thoroughly ransacked. All of the furniture was either overturned or broken and there was a painting on it’s side next to an opening in the wall. I peered through the gap to find a crawl space that would have been large enough to hide the group that was here and I instinctively knew that they had been discovered. 

I felt panic gripping me as I put the pieces together in my mind and I was unable to consider navigating through the bunker stealthily any longer. My feelings dragged me from the room and frantically down the hallways until I found a stairwell. I descended the stairs two at a time in my urgency to reach the meeting point. My mind willed with every part of me that Jasper and Monty were still safe and I forced myself to have faith in Bellamy’s plan. I knew that I needed to assist with the attack now that our numbers were dwindling and I was relieved that I managed to remember enough of the map that I’d given away earlier to seek out the harvest chamber. There was a surreal feeling as I willingly walked into it after viewing it from the slats in terror the first time and recalled that I had prayed I wouldn’t ever end up here. 

Almost immediately through the entrance was the body of Vincent who had been abandoned in a similar execution pose as the last person who had helped us. I gasped as I almost stumbled over him and dragged my gaze up to notice the rows of cages along the wall. Although it had been shocking to observe them when Maya revealed this room to us, it was nothing compared to the haunting feeling of seeing them up close. I wandered past them in a daze as it registered to me that they were now empty. 

Once I reached the edge of the platform that I stood on I could glimpse up into the massive circular chamber to the numerous floors of alcoves, all of which were filled with empty cages. The reality of the situation dawned on me and I felt myself shaking in alarm. This chamber should have been filled with a combination of captured grounders and our people, and I assumed from the information that Vincent had given me earlier that Bellamy had planned to use them to fight our way out. It struck me that Bellamy was also missing and I felt my mind crumbling under the stress. I lashed out and kicked a cage before I dropped to a crouch and gripped my head in my hands.

I tugged at the roots of my hair and struggled to hold my fragile psyche together. I didn’t have enough intel about Bellamy’s plan to conceive any immediate ideas and I had no indication on who else was still available to help. It was likely that most of the people who had been hidden or that I’d sent here to meet were now in the hands of the mountain and I was unsure how long it would take to extract the bone marrow from all of them. The sudden realisation washed over me that Bellamy would have the same immunity as those of us who had been captive here and that he would be at risk of being operated on. This fact smashed through my breakdown and I rocketed back into a standing position.

I paced the space in the hope that it would prompt some kind of revelation but all I could focus on was the fear that my three boys were being drilled into at this exact moment. I knew that wherever they were being held would be heavily guarded and I only had limited shots in the pistol and one knife left stashed in my boot. Every instinct in my body wanted to charge in and sacrifice myself if necessary, but I knew that if I were captured then it would truly be the end for us all. If Bellamy could manage to not be impulsive in his time searching for a way to rescue us, then I had to follow his example. I understood that I might be the last of our people who remained free and mobile in the bunker and I felt extreme pressure to make the right choice for us all.

The distracting sound of movement outside of the chamber caught my attention and I rushed out into the hall with a crushing nervousness in my chest. I scanned both directions but couldn’t see anyone, so I waited with fearful anticipation. After a few seconds I picked up the sound of footsteps and I crept in their direction. There were several tense turns as I followed my prey and I prepared myself to fight whomever I found at the source of it. As I turned the last corner I was met with a guard who was fully protected by a hazmat suit and seemed to be unaware of my presence as he strode away from me. 

The suit confused me for a moment before I remembered the announcement from earlier and I assumed that lockdown must have been caused by radiation intruding the other levels. A wave of fury pushed me as I leapt forward to seize the guard and dragged him onto his back at my feet. I snatched one of the tubes on the front of his mask and ripped it from the oxygen port to test my radiation theory. I observed with interest as his face burned up at the exposure and he wheezed desperately as he strained to fight me even through his pain. I quickly inserted the tube into the mask to pause the damage and he gasped at the return of fresh oxygen. With a newfound determination I easily slid him along the floor into a small room and slammed the door.

My new captive seemed to consider fighting me even as he panted for air causing the mask to fog up and I stood firmly between him and the door. He stepped forward and I kicked between his legs as forcefully as I could. With a raspy groan he dropped to the ground and I glanced over to notice a metal chair to the side of me. I grabbed his arm and threw him into the seat with more force than necessary. Inspiration struck as I raced behind him and briefly disconnected some of the wires from his oxygen tank. He screamed wildly in pain at the effects and I deftly wrapped the wires tightly around the back of the chair before reconnecting them. I noticed a dial on the back of the tank and as I drew closer it beeped, alerting me that there were only 30 minutes of oxygen remaining inside. By the time I stepped back in front of the guard his face had broken out in blisters and he was panting as he recovered from the ordeal. 

“I’m sure you know what that sound means.” I commented as I crossed my arms and fixed him with a firm stare. “You’ve got thirty minutes to tell me everything I want to know and get back to safety. I suggest you don’t waste any time.” I spoke coldly and he peered up at me in unfiltered terror. He fidgeted slightly in his seat and I tutted at him. “I would keep still if I were you. I’ve connected your oxygen tank to the chair. If you try to escape or attack me at all, it’s game over.” I threatened and I was confident in the knowledge that he couldn’t reach the connection as it was squarely in the centre of his back. He sighed and stared up at me with a scolding stare.

“I’m not telling you anything. You wont kill me, I’m your only way in.” He sneered as he assessed me and I struggled to keep my temper in check. “I guess we’re at a standoff.” He added confidently and I raised a brow at him.

I felt a wave of nerves building in my stomach as I considered what actions I could take to force him to answer my questions. The radiation had become an inconvenience as I acknowledged that I couldn’t hurt him without the risk of damaging the suit that he was wearing and after the burns that he’d endured so far, I wasn’t sure how much more he could survive. For the time being, he was correct in his assumption that I wouldn’t kill him but my morals on the lengths that I would go to were rapidly slipping. I glanced over his shoulder and noticed a roll of thick tape amongst various other tools. I smiled sadistically at this discovery and my desperation overruled any conviction that I’d previously had about forcing information from people.

“If you think this is a bargaining situation I can assure you, you’ve grossly misjudged me.” I growled as I viewed him and he maintained his steely expression. “I’m giving you a chance to do this the easy way.” I offered as I heard my dark and threatening voice, whilst a plan formed in the desperate corners of my mind. “You’ve only seen the relaxed side of us, you don’t know what we’re willing to do for each other yet. I’d recommend you take it.” I advised as I felt my hands shaking at the invasive image of Bellamy and the others being harvested that forced its way into my consciousness. 

“I am willing to die for my people to reach the ground. I won't tell you anything.” He stated firmly. I was disappointed that my initial hope that the mere threat of torture would be enough to earn co-operation hadn’t been accurate, but I felt my patience snap as the images of drilling continued to flood my mind. I crossed the room in a few furious strides and snatched the tape from the shelf. There were several screwdrivers lying next to it and I stowed them in my pockets as I returned to face him. I bent forward to meet his eyes and my voice dropped to a low, malicious tone.

“Are you sure about that?” I suggested and as he opened his mouth to respond I thrust the thinnest screwdriver into his thigh. He howled out in pain and I watched patiently as his skin started to crackle around the tear in the suit. I allowed it to spread for a few seconds before yanking the tool out and taped the suit closed to stop the poisoned air from suffocating him. “Where are my people?” I spat and I leaned into his personal space as he screamed. I waited for a while as the shocked tears streamed down his face and he tried to compose himself. “You’d better answer me or so help me god, I will stab you again!” I hissed as I held up another screwdriver with a thicker end for him to understand the danger. 

“The dorms! They’re holding them in the dorms on level five!” He gasped in a frantic voice and I stepped back to consider this information. I knew that level five was where all of the mountains people were, which would likely include all of their guards. Although I recalled that there were no surgical rooms there, I calculated that they would speed up operations now that they were aware that treatments were successful. With the limited viable space I expected that they were likely holding all of our people together.

“How many guards? Are they moving them from storage to an operation room? How many entrances?” I asked one question after another as I stared at my captive frustratedly and he stuttered without managing to form a sentence. “Give me a way in!” I hissed maniacally and he flinched away from me.

“That’s impossible! All of our guards are there, there’s no way you can get to them!” He exclaimed and I stomped forward to punch his thigh where the stab wound was. 

“You have my family in that room, you sick asshole! Impossible isn’t good enough!” I snarled as I broke into pacing in front of him. I turned the information over and over in my mind in an attempt to find an angle that I’d missed. “They want all of us right? If they see me, they’ll come for me. How many of your guards are immune to radiation?” I interrogated as I pointed the screwdriver at him threateningly.

“There’s hardly any left of those who had the initial treatments. “ He confirmed as he watched me nervously. “They’re not stupid though, they won’t follow you from the level.” He warned and I kicked the ground to release some of the pent up anger that threatened to destroy me.

“I need solutions, not problems.” I hissed as I threw my hands into the air in annoyance. “You know this place well, you know their tactics, tell me how to get to my people!” I demanded as I became aware of myself losing control. I knew that every minute my people were captive was costing us a life and I couldn’t prevent my mind from obsessing over who we may have lost already.

“There isn’t a way to do what you’re asking.” He breathed, before fixing me with a spiteful glare. “Your people are going to die.” He stated in a cold tone. I crossed the space to him in a blind rage and I planted the second screwdriver into his other thigh, twisting it maliciously. He wailed as his skin audibly sizzled and I stared at him with a furious look.

“You had better pray that you’re wrong about that!” I drawled as I waited much longer this time before removing the tool and taping over the tear in the suit. “Shh, shh. Don’t worry, I won’t let you die just yet. You’ve still got oxygen in your tank, which means we have time to keep discussing the plan that you’re going to give me.” I instructed as I taunted him with the bloody screwdriver and he tried to lean away from my insane behaviour. “Think harder.” I snarled as I stepped back to watch him with my arms crossed.

“You’re a crazy bitch.” He breathed and he struggled to speak through his distress. I shrugged and studied him expectantly. He continued to squirm in discomfort and I broke into pacing again. I wasn’t sure what else I could do to him without the risk of killing him and I knew that I’d intimidated him enough to make him talk. I had to accept that I couldn’t rely on him to form the plan for me and instead I decided that it was perhaps a case of asking the right questions.

“I assume that the new President Wallace is already immune?” I asked as I levelled him with a scrutinising look and he nodded in confirmation. “I’ve already seen that there are people that don’t agree with his agenda. If I were to find another way to take him out of the equation-”

“The whole mountain knows that you and your people are the cure to the radiation, Cage announced it to motivate the residents hiding your people to turn them in. Anyone who helped you before is dead. The rest of the citizens know the cost of their freedom and right now all of them are gathered in the dining hall patiently waiting for their turn to receive your bone marrow.” He interrupted me to speak in a condescending tone and I sighed in frustration. 

“They won’t give up just because Cage is gone, they’re willing to do what it takes to walk on the ground. You can’t stop this.” He asserted and I rubbed my forehead as I struggled for another idea. I thought about the dining room, imagining it full of people who I’d once considered innocent but after hearing him describe them as willing to sacrifice us all, my perspective had changed somewhat. I felt myself growing angry at this information and a new suggestion emerged. 

“All of the residents are in the dining room?” I confirmed and he nodded back. “There has to be someone they would trade for?” I suggested and he scoffed. I wasn’t sure who I would be willing to harm but for now I needed to focus on getting my people back at any cost. 

“The dining hall is guarded just as well as the dorms. Even if you _ could _ get past them, they won’t trade with you. Cage is committed to the cause.” He sneered in an antagonising manner and I felt my hands shaking. His attitude only continued to feed the flames of my fury as I pondered his statement.

“How committed?” I asked as I met his eyes with a deviant smile. “Enough to allow his own father to die?” I questioned. The original President Wallace that I’d met was old and frail, it wouldn’t take much to overpower him. I suspected that he was complicit in the process of murdering my people and I was certain that he had played a large part in the elaborate act that kept them unaware of the danger around them for such a long time. I felt no hesitation in the concept of killing him if needed. The guard chuckled under his breath and I felt my insides churning with impatience.

“Cage already allowed his father to die earlier. I told you, he won’t stop.” He explained and I hissed as I fell back into rapid pacing. I ran my fingers through my hair in a gesture of stress and considered how many more of my people they could have killed in the time that I had wasted here. “Face it kid, it’s over.” He taunted.

I moved without any thought to my actions and it felt as if I had completely lost control of my body. I lurched forward with my gun raised and shot three times with a frightening precision into his shoulder. I fired each shot one after the other without delay despite his agonised cries and I felt the mixture of fear and rage puppeting me. I took a deep breath in an effort to regain control of myself as he screamed at the effects of the radiation that poured into his suit and I managed to focus enough to realise that I needed to stop it. I grabbed the tape again and approached him slowly. As I reached his side and unrolled the tape, I was distracted by the sound of beeping and I glanced over to see the valve on the oxygen tank falling to empty.

“No, no!” I hissed as I viewed it with wide eyes. It wasn’t due to run out for a while yet and I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I took a frantic step back around to the front of the guard and watched as his skin melted beneath the mask whilst he clawed at it. He ripped the respirator off and I got a full view of the horror underneath. His face bubbled and blood leaked from the blisters that spread everywhere. He fell forward onto his knees and I crouched to grab his shoulders. “You can’t die! You’re my only option, no!” I shrieked as I shook him manically and barely a few moments later, he became unbearably heavy in my grip. I released him to drop to the ground and pulled my knees to my chest. 

I threaded my fingers into my hair and dug into my scalp as I curled up in my panic. I wracked my anxiety ridden brain for a plan as I mentally reviewed the conversation in the hope that I’d missed something. There was an overwhelming desire to kill Cage, even though I understood that there was a high chance that it would cost me my life. The guard was undeniably right that this would not stop the people here but if I couldn’t save my people, then at least I could take some vengeance. I considered methods to take as many people with me as possible and I found myself wishing that I hadn’t been so exhausted during Raven’s explosive instructions. My memory strained to remember details about the landmine process and I calculated a way to use that information to build something here. 

There was doubt on whether it was more sensible to blow up the dining hall to cut down the amount of people that required transplants whilst I threw myself at Cage specifically, or whether to instead set off an explosion in the dorms to put people out of their misery and perhaps cause enough chaos to allow an escape. The most substantial issue would be finding something to use in substitution for rocket fuel and I knew that by the time I’d figured this out there would likely be no one remaining to rescue. Without the use of explosives my last option was to simply charge in and aim to prompt a shootout. I would kill as many as possible and if it came to the point of capture, I’d shoot myself.

I peaked down at the jagged scars on my wrists guiltily and remembered my promise to Jasper that I wouldn’t do anything like that again. I cried out in stress and misery as I became aware that I was descending into the similar madness that I’d struggled with when I gave myself the scars and the seconds of internal chaos ticked by. I finally understood the weight that had been on Clarke’s shoulders at the dropship when she’d closed the doors and although I still resented her decision, I admired her ability to act rather than becoming paralysed with indecision as I was now. 

I recounted the last time that I’d seen Bellamy, fighting for his life outside of the dropship in vivid detail and my gut lurched at the memory. I felt a crushing moment of clarity as I reminded myself that I knew he hadn’t died there according to reports of the others and although I suspected that he was in the dorms now awaiting death by harvest beside our people, I felt a certainty in my desire. I needed to see him again, just one more time. If I was going to die today I wanted to die at his side, no matter how agonising it would be for whichever of us was chosen first.


	37. Sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ Cʜᴀɴᴄᴇs

**Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇs:** Bʟᴏᴏᴅ Mᴜsᴛ Hᴀᴠᴇ Bʟᴏᴏᴅ - Pᴀʀᴛ 2

There was a blaring alarm that exploded into action and startled me from my thoughts. An orange light from underneath the door caught my attention and I bolted to a standing position to rush out of the room. The hall was filled with the flashing of the orange lights and the sharp tones of the alarm was almost deafening. I couldn’t decide whether this was a good or bad sign as I assessed that it could be triggered by the bunker doors opening if they had finished the transplants. My mind filled with the image of the citizens of the mountain stepping out into the open air, leaving the bodies of our people in a heap and I broke into a run. I was several levels from five where the dorms were and I understood that danger could be lurking around any corner but I was beyond any rational thought processes. The only thing that I could focus my frantic mind on was the overpowering desire to reach the dorms at any cost. 

I ran through several floors and crossed the length of each level in search of the next staircase in a distracted blur. The constant pulsing sound of the alarm pushed me forward and my legs shook with panic. I felt adrenaline surging through me and it overrode the heavy tiredness from earlier. I turned the corner into a long hallway and was disoriented by the flashing of the lights, causing me to barely register the movement at the other end. The distracting sound of the alarms almost completely masked the crack of the gunshot and I leapt to the side a second too late. I felt a jolt of pain in my side as the bullet scraped me and I was struck with fright as I realised how close I had been to death. 

I sprinted toward the guard as he frantically hit the side of the pistol and I prayed that it would remain jammed for long enough for me to reach him. There were barely a few steps remaining between us when I heard the click that signalled it was ready to fire again and as he pointed the gun at me, I pummelled into him. The force that I was able to muster was far larger than usual due to the adrenaline and I slogged him in the face with an unnecessary brutality. He struggled against my grip and I had to use my legs to anchor myself against him. In a rapid manoeuvre he used my weight against me as he struck me in the face and I rolled onto my back with a thump. He frenziedly stretched out for the gun that had been knocked from his grip in the collision and I kicked my legs to block him. 

The shift in posture caused his body to press on me as we fought for our lives. His weight pinned me in position and I was unable to reach anything to defend myself with. He finally managed to snatch the gun from my side and I gulped in dread. I cried out as I squirmed desperately beneath him in a vain effort to prevent him from aiming efficiently and although it slowed his movements, I knew that I was only buying time. His hand approached my head despite my best efforts and in a last manic bid to survive, I lifted my shoulders to lean forward and bite him with as much ferocity as I could manage. As my teeth sunk into his arm, he cried out in pain and dropped the gun. I didn’t waste a single second in seeking out my boot and grasped the last knife that I had hidden in there tightly. I plunged it into his chest with a scream and pulled it out only to repeat the action several times over until he collapsed lifelessly onto me. 

I laid back on the floor, panting as I tried to recover from what I’d just done and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. My legs shook dramatically and I could feel my blood rushing to my head. I worried that I might collapse as my body trembled and I tried to refocus on my goal even as I felt too weak to move. The alarm seemed to have gotten fainter and I was sure that I heard a voice calling out between the pulsating sounds. I forced myself to an unsteady standing position and dusted myself off as I strained to listen. 

“Indigo!” My stomach lurched as I made out the muffled call of my name in the distance and I turned to face both directions in an effort to place the sound. It was impossible to tell if I’d even truly heard it between the overpowering honk of the alarm and I started to wonder if I’d simply imagined it. 

“Indigo!” The voice became frantic as it rang out again and I felt all of the colour drain from my face as a pang of familiarity gripped my chest in response. 

“Bellamy?” I whispered and even as the word left my lips I was hardly able to believe what I was saying. I felt foolish for even considering it but I knew his voice better than I knew my own. I took a few slow steps forward and felt as if I was in a trance. I’d heard Bellamy’s voice in my head several times since I’d been trapped here but this seemed different and I couldn’t resist the overpowering urge to follow it.

“Bellamy, is that you?” I cleared my throat and called back lightly, almost frightened to speak too loudly. A few seconds passed without a response and I waited with a growing anxiety. Although I knew that he had been alive and within the mountain for hours according to the report of others, I hadn’t been able to truly comprehend the weight of this information. I’d been making choices based on the idea that he might need my help, but I hadn’t allowed myself to develop any significant hope that it was true. At any time I’d started to believe that I may have the chance to see him again, I quashed it by reminding myself of the odds of his survival. 

“Indigo! Where are you?!” The voice grew panicked, even desperate and I began to struggle to tell myself that it wasn’t him with any conviction. I jogged toward the next stairwell in a daze and took myself a level closer to five. I emerged on the next floor and navigated through the identical hallways with difficulty. My mind was racing as I hoped for him to call out again and I was too afraid to shout first in fear that I had imagined it. I got disoriented after turning several corners and I realised that I may have turned myself around in my hazy lack of concentration. 

“Indigo!” I heard his voice much clearer with his next call and my heart leapt into my throat. It sounded close now and my eyes immediately filled with tears at this thought. I quickened my pace as I broke into a run through the halls, unable to remember where I was supposed to be going any longer. I couldn’t think about anything but reaching the source of the voice as Bellamy’s face flashed through my consciousness. 

“Bellamy!” I called back for the first time in a firm, hopeful way and I was sure that I could hear rapid footsteps approaching. I touched the wall as I zipped around a corner in an effort to throw myself around it faster and I had no attention remaining on my surroundings. 

“INDIGO!” He bellowed back and his voice seemed to have reached a frenzied point now that he’d heard me respond. I hurtled around the next corner, unsure if I was getting any closer or if he’d just been louder in his urgency. I was panting as I forced myself to keep moving and searched for him. I turned into a painfully long hallway and I caught a glimpse of movement at the far end as something passed the entrance. I registered the telltale black mop of hair, the brown and white guards uniform that the others had reported him to be wearing and I knew from the large stature exactly who I’d just seen. For a moment, I thought I had seen a ghost and I found myself wondering if I’d finally cracked under the emotional strain. 

“**BELLAMY!**” I screeched as I paused on the spot in disbelief. I heard the pounding of boots before he appeared at the end of the hall. We stood for a fleeting few moments, staring back at each other doubtfully before he broke into a run again. 

I fell into a sprint as I tore forward with a desperation that I couldn’t control and there were already tears escaping me at just the sight of him. He looked exhausted, even from a distance and the moment was made more surreal by seeing him wearing the uniform of the Mount Weather guards. Although we were both moving as quickly as we could carry ourselves, it felt as if time slowed as we charged at each other. I was almost crushed under the weight of my relief and I found myself no longer caring if this were a hallucination. Whatever it was that allowed me to see him in front of me, I was thankful for it. 

I could hardly breathe as I took the last few steps and his arms were wide open to me. I practically launched myself at him as we collided and he lifted me into his grip. I felt such a sense of elation at his embrace that it made me feel almost completely weightless as my feet left the ground. I clung to him with a vice like force as my arms closed around his shoulders and his fell to my waist. No amount of willpower could prevent the tears from streaming down my cheeks and I knew that I was likely soaking his shirt but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I prayed that the moment would never end as I felt the familiar safety in his arms that I had craved almost every second since I saw him last. I slowly became aware of the hole in my chest gradually shrinking with every overjoyed heartbeat. He moved one of his hands from my waist to the back of my head to stroke my hair gently. He sniffed lightly beside my ear and I knew that he was battling his emotions too. 

After what seemed like an eternity of holding each other, I felt myself returning to the ground as he lowered me and my boots touched the floor so gently that it was obvious he was savouring every moment too. He pulled away from me with a painful reluctance and although he stepped back to view me, he kept his hands on my arms to stop me from moving out of his reach. I gazed up at him in amazement, drinking up every detail of how he looked with a feeling of disbelief. 

“This can’t be happening.” I breathed and he furrowed his brow at me. “You died!” I whispered and my voice cracked as I spoke. I quickly wiped the tears away so that I could still see him clearly, not wanting to take my eyes off him for a single moment. His resolve broke as he looked down at me through watery eyes. 

“I thought I’d lost you.” He muttered under his breath as he viewed me with such a pained expression that it only fueled my doubt in this reality. Although losing him had been soul destroying for me and our time apart had allowed me to realise the depth of my feelings for him, I never anticipated that he would struggle without me. I started to feel as if I couldn’t trust what I was seeing and I craved some reassurance that would allow me to enjoy the moment for what it was. 

“A-are you real?” I asked in a small, weak voice and I watched as his expression changed to one of deep concern. I couldn’t help my doubts; as much as I wanted to believe in him, I knew that my mind had been unreliable for a while now. 

“Of course I’m real.” He answered as he moved to examine me in an analytical way. It seemed as if he were checking me for any signs of injury, or perhaps something that would reveal brainwashing and I smiled fondly at his worry. “Are you okay? Did they do something to you?” He asked as he met my eyes again. I reached up to take his face in my hands as I fixed him with a scrutinising look and I felt my brows knit together. 

“Do you promise? You’re really here?” I croaked as the tears poured out and I waited for the doubt to leave me. I yearned to trust what I was seeing, I wanted to believe that he was here with my entire soul but I couldn’t push away the niggling doubt. My eyes roamed over the familiar details of his face as I cupped it in my hands and he met my eyes with an understanding look. 

“I’m here Indigo.” He asserted and spoke in a firm tone as he battled to reassure me. “I’m here with you, I promise.” He expressed with sympathy, as if he finally comprehended the gravity of his arrival here for me and I felt my heart skip a beat. 

I traced my fingers along his strong jaw as I re-familiarised myself with him and he leaned keenly into my touch. I gazed at him in wonder, watching his scruffy hair fall in front of his eyes, taking in every freckle that was perfectly scattered across his dewy skin and my breath hitched as he bit his lip, drawing my attention to his mouth. I felt a warmth spreading from my chest as I was transfixed by him and I sensed the incredible pull between us urging me forward. 

I moved closer as if magnetized to him and I forced myself to meet his eyes again. I was hyper aware of every part where our bodies met and I gained a foreign hunger that craved to be tangled up with him. I got the sensation that gravity grew heavier around us as I stared into the hypnotising brown of his eyes and I was struck by the depth of the desire that I found there. I became aware of the intense regret that I’d been living with since I first woke in Mount Weather still watching from the back of my mind and it gave me the reminder I needed to seize the chance before it was too late again. He opened his mouth to speak but I pulled him to me with both hands as I flung any last residual hesitance from my mind. 

All words were lost as our lips collided and although I was driven by an all consuming need for him, I kept enough control to kiss him softly. In the moment that we touched, everything seemed to become more vivid and any thought of this being a hallucination abandoned me as I drowned in the detail of the moment. I could feel the warmth of his skin, smell his earthy scent that I’d tried to recreate in my mind countless times and felt his gentle breaths on my cheek. There was the sensation of completion in my chest, as if some long lost part of me finally returned home as I wound my fingers into his soft curls and my lips moved against his delicately, like butterfly wings. 

It was clear that I’d caught him by surprise with my boldness and he took a sharp breath as if the reality of our contact was just breaking through his shock. He surged forward as his arms circled me, gathering me against him and we touched at every point as he pressed us together. He groaned softly, low in his throat as he deepened the kiss and his hand caressed my back on its journey up to grasp my hair. His other arm stayed tightly around my waist and I threw an arm over his shoulders for stability as I balanced on my tiptoes. 

Our lips moved in perfect sync and every fresh connection of them made my heart hammer slightly harder. He kissed me like I’d never realised I wanted to be kissed and I was almost completely bowled over by a rush of exhilaration that thrummed through my entire body. I clung to his hair to brace myself as the world seemed to spin around us and I felt myself becoming lost in him. The heat rose to my cheeks as his tongue touched mine and the sensation was like being struck with lightning as electricity crackled between us. The kiss blew any other thoughts from my mind, shutting my over analyzing brain down at last and it was so addictive that I lost track of my other basic needs. 

We broke apart reluctantly to gasp for air and he left me panting. He smiled down at me with a look of fascination as his chest rose and fell heavily and I couldn’t see anything but him in my state of bliss. I had wondered for longer than I could ever openly admit what it would be like to experience his lips on mine, but the reality was utterly world changing. As we soaked in each other’s presence during the aftermath, everything seemed strangely like it was meant to be. We fit together, like finally finding the right key for a lock and I stared at him with a contentment I never expected to be able to feel. We still clung to each other as I waited for my lungs to recover and my heartbeat to normalise and I was glad to see that he looked as blown away as I felt. I noticed the alarm still blaring in the background as my attention returned slowly to our surroundings and he glanced over his shoulder with a regretful look. 

“We should meet the others, they’ll be worried about you.” He stated in a reluctant tone as he explored me. He took my hand in his and laced our fingers together. “Come on, I've done plenty of poking around, I know this place pretty well by now.” He smiled as he tugged on me and we fell into step comfortably with his grip on my hand tightening as if he needed to reassure himself that I wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Are the others alright? What happened?” I asked as my focus returned and the panic over my other loved ones hit me with a fresh wave.

“We lost some people but most of them are still kicking. We released the radiation...we had no other choice. Jasper’s pretty broken up over Maya, but he’s alive. Monty and Raven are with the others-” He started to explain but I cut him off with confusion.

“Raven’s alive?” I interrogated with a gasp as I studied him and he smiled as he continued to navigate me through the halls.

“Yeah, Abby patched her up. She got captured trying to help with the rescue but she made it.” He confirmed as he met my eyes with a hint of disbelief. “You were really in the dark here, huh?” He suggested as I stared at him with wide eyes and I wondered what else I’d missed whilst captive here. I knew immediately what I needed to ask next but I was terrified that my luck was about to run out. I took a deep breath to steel myself for the answer.

“What about Octavia? Miller said she was hurt during the fight at camp?” I queried in a small, worried voice and he squeezed my hand reassuringly. 

“She was, but Lincoln got her out before the dropship launched. She’s actually pretty much becoming a grounder now, would you believe?” He chuckled lightly and I could barely comprehend his words. “We’d better hurry, she’s looking for you too.” He added as he tried to pull me forward but I stopped in my tracks as the information registered in my mind. He turned back to view me with concern and I felt the colour drain from my face in shock. I pictured Octavia in my mind, reflecting on the agonising grief and soul destroying guilt that I had felt every time I thought of her until now and I started to believe that I might have misheard him out of hope.

“Did...did you just say Octavia is here?” I stuttered and he stepped closer to take both of my hands in his. He observed me closely with an intense compassion and I felt reassured just having him there.

“She’s alive and she’s here. I don’t know what they’ve been telling you here, but we’re okay Indie.” He smiled at me as he stared into my eyes and made his best attempt to convince me. “We split up to search for you as soon as we realised you weren’t in the dorms. No one had seen you being operated on, so I knew you were probably still causing trouble somewhere. She’s going to be so glad to see you, though not as glad as me.” He explained before smiling down at me fondly. I felt fresh tears running down my cheeks as relief washed over me and I wiped them away in an effort to hold myself together. He released one of my hands to return to my side and tugged to encourage me to move. I took a step to follow his lead but I winced as a shooting pain in my side caused me to pause on the spot. He was immediately in front of me and his brows furrowed as he examined me. “What is it?” He asked in a frantic voice and I batted him away.

“I’m fine, it’s just a scrape. I literally dodged a bullet earlier.” I explained in a light tone as I smiled at him and he raised a brow at me. “Now that you say it, he must have been one of the guards who had the transplant, he didn’t seem to be affected by the radiation. I don’t feel so bad about killing him now.” I added and Bellamy chuckled under his breath. I pushed forward and dragged him along with me by his hand. He was initially reluctant but he tore his attention away from me to direct us as I spoke. I felt myself becoming light headed but tried to ignore it as I focused on reaching the dorms. “Anyway, we don’t want to keep Tavi waiting, she’s probably already going to be pissed at me for making her worry.” I joked despite the heavy emotions that I was carrying and I felt that I needed the distraction as my body grew heavier. Bellamy glanced over at me in an assessing manner and cleared his throat in an effort to cover his worry.

“I recognise that jacket.” He commented with a sly smile as he glanced at the oversized jacket that I was wrapped in and I felt my face flush slightly as I considered my dependence on it. My behaviour seemed insane now that I knew they had survived the fight at camp and I felt awkward explaining it, even if I knew that he would be understanding. 

“Jasper picked it up for me after the dropship launched.” I explained as I purposefully withheld all of the intricate details about how it had been holding my fragile sanity in place. I definitely wasn’t ready to reveal the state that I’d been in and couldn’t consider how I would address this right now.

“That would explain why I couldn’t find it back at camp.” He grinned as he playfully winked at me and I felt my heart flip at the action.

“I was keeping it warm for you.” I teased and enjoyed being able to share light conversation with him again. It almost felt as if the last three weeks hadn’t happened and for a few peaceful minutes, all of our combined sins faded into background noise. I sighed in contentment as I shuffled along, hand in hand with him. “Besides, I had to give you a reason to look for me.” I added in the hope that I sounded teasing rather than vulnerable.

“I’ll always look for you.” He replied firmly and I squirmed uncomfortably. It still felt surreal to even be here with him and hearing him speak so honestly and tenderly to me only added to the feeling. I considered that perhaps losing me to the mountain had caused the same regret and self reflection in him that it had in me, but the thought felt arrogant and I pushed it away to deal with later. I felt a sharp stab of pain in my side that caused me to hiss and double over. He stepped in front of me to block me from walking any further and then helped me to straighten up. 

“Okay that’s enough, let me take a look.” He insisted as he pushed aside the jacket to view the area that I’d been holding. His eyes widened as his hands reached my side and he peaked at me in horror. “Indie, I don’t know why you think you have super powers all of a sudden, but you didn’t dodge that bullet. I don’t even know how you’re still walking, that’s a lot of blood.” He explained as his eyes darted back down at the wound. I watched him in surprise; I hadn’t even felt it until now and I hadn’t bled on him when we kissed. I moved the jacket to find that the inside was soaked in blood and realised that it must have been containing it. I started to feel weak and unsteady and could no longer draw from the abnormal strength that adrenaline had given me.

“It’s fine, I’ll be fine, let’s just get to the others.” I deflected and as I tried to step forward, I fell into his chest. He caught me before lifting me into his arms and breaking into a rushed pace. “I can walk.” I breathed, despite feeling my head spinning as everything grew darker around me. I heard another set of footsteps approaching but my vision was too hazy to comprehend whose they were.

“Monty! She’s been shot, get Abby or Clarke, now!” Bellamy’s voice was frantic and I fought the growing heaviness in my eyes to stay in the moment with him. 

“Hey, the whole gang’s here.” I whispered in response to Clarke’s name and even through my blurred vision, I could recognise the terror in his face as he looked down at me.

“Don’t even think about dying on me Indigo, just hang on.” His desperate pleas were the last thing I heard before I lost consciousness.


	38. Lᴇᴀᴘ Oғ Fᴀɪᴛʜ

I slowly became aware of the bed beneath me and sat bolt upright in fear, expecting to be back in the clean white room in Mount Weather. Instead, when my eyes opened it was to the strikingly familiar interior of the Ark. There were rows of firm, uncomfortable beds and I recognised the artificially lit, entirely metal space as the ship that we’d once lived in. A large volume of metal units filled the room that were littered with medical supplies and I quickly calculated that this was the medical unit. I glanced over to my side to find Bellamy’s exhausted face and his features contorted into a relieved expression as he fretted over me. 

“You’re awake!” He breathed in disbelief and I gazed back at him thankfully. “Let me get some help.” He added worriedly as if snapping from a trance and moved to get to his feet. I reached out to grasp his hand and he jolted as he turned back to face me.

“Wait, don't go.” I asked and I felt sheepish as his eyes met mine. I still couldn’t quite believe that he was here in front of me. When I first woke up, I fully expected our last encounter to have been a pleasant yet heartbreaking dream. I didn’t want to take my eyes off him for a moment and was afraid that if I did, he would disappear. “Please, don’t leave me.” I whispered and I felt incredibly vulnerable as I bared my feelings to him. He sank reluctantly back into his seat with a sympathetic look and I gripped his hand for comfort. “I can’t believe you’re still here, I never thought I’d see you again.” I breathed as I tugged his hand to guide him closer to me and I felt comforted when he leaned into my space. 

“I just...I can’t stop looking at you. I don’t have to rely on memory.” I thought aloud as I examined him. He was clean now but his hair was still scruffy, just in his usual, carefully styled way. The bruising around his warm, hypnotising brown eyes had started to fade since I saw him last, but I could still see the slight hint of purple in the corners. He regarded me with an interest that mirrored mine and I smiled at the sight of it. “I didn’t know that I could miss another person like this.” I admitted under my breath as I relished everything about him, every sense that was focused on him. I felt a stray tear escape only to slide down my cheek and he leaned in to wipe it away with a gentle touch as he viewed me with tenderness. 

“I’m not going anywhere Indigo, not this time.” He asserted as he cupped my face in his hand and I leaned into his touch as I allowed my eyes to flicker closed. I was soothed by his warmth and tried to settle my doubts. My eyes were forced open by a slight pang of pain from the side where I’d been shot. The realisation dawned on me with disappointment that the injury had been real too and I sat forward to look down at myself. I pushed back the blanket to find that I was only wearing a small black vest and my boxer style underwear, with a dressing on the left side of my waist. I peeked back at Bellamy who was watching me with raised brows and I quickly covered myself again with the blanket. I definitely hadn’t intended to expose myself to him but he didn’t seem to mind at all.

“We had to undress you so that Abby could operate.” He explained with an amused smile. “Unfortunately we couldn’t save your pretty dress, but Abby managed to patch you up nicely.” He added with a mischievous wink and I was annoyed to find my cheeks flush slightly.

“Of course you’d find that dress pretty.” I groaned in an attempt to clear my embarrassment, but internally I enjoyed having the chance to find out what he thought of it. I’d considered it when I first chose the feminine item and it was strange to now be sitting here, having this conversation with him.

“On you, yes.” His eyes sparkled with attraction as he spoke and I blushed harder at the unexpected compliment. “It’s unusual to see you in actual girl’s clothes.” He teased and I slapped him gently on the arm in response, earning a chuckle from him. I examined him and realised that he was no longer wearing the uniform that I’d seen him in last. He was dressed in a familiar black t-shirt and combat trousers, and I smiled at the sentimentality of it.

“You changed outfits too?” I asked as I observed him. “You didn’t fancy the stiff Mount Weather clothes either, huh?” I teased as he glimpsed down at himself and then back at me with a warm smile.

“Yeah, not a fan.” He chuckled as he shuffled comfortably in his seat. “Although I didn’t have much of a choice after you bled all over me.” He added with a playful look and I grimaced in response.

“Wow, I really need to stop doing that.” I commented awkwardly and he laughed openly in response. I caught sight of the unnervingly familiar surroundings and realised that it felt entirely strange to be back inside the space station we’d grown up in, especially with a man who hadn’t known who I was when we left it. “It’s just like being on the Ark in here.” I said thoughtfully as I scanned my way back to him. “How are you managing it?” I enquired as I viewed him with concern. I remembered how nervous he was at the idea of people from the station coming to Earth and I couldn’t imagine that it was easy for him to be faced with the actual structure itself.

“It’s not so bad.” He shrugged and I raised my brows at him in surprise. “I’ve got proper quarters, solid roof over my head.” He explained and I smiled at his description. I was glad to see that he was finding the positives in the situation and I became aware of how much he had grown since we’d been apart. Although I had completely fallen apart without him, I was interested to find out what happened to cause him to have the strangely controlled attitude that I didn’t recognise. 

“Oh wow, that really sounds great.” I breathed as I fixed him with a teasing expression. He inspected me with an excited interest as he waited for the taunt that he knew was coming and I enjoyed seeing how well he’d come to know me. “But can it really compare to the luxury of your tent in camp? An old parachute over a log structure, pile of fabrics on the ground for a bed, cold breeze blowing through all the time, constant interruptions?” I reeled off expecting a chuckle, but instead he studied me with an expression that I didn’t recognise on him. 

“Well, when you put it that way, it’s hard to choose.” He started as he moved from his seat to perch on the edge of the bed beside me. “But there’s one thing this camp has over the tent…” He trailed off as he brought his hand to rest by my face, his thumb caressing my jaw as his gaze fell on my lips with a fascinated expression. “I never kissed you in the tent.” He spoke regretfully before he leaned in to press his lips against mine with tenderness, despite the deep feeling of longing that I could sense in his touch. 

I was lost to the same feeling of bliss as the first time he kissed me, even though this was much gentler than before. His scruffy hair tickled my cheek and his nose bumped mine as he turned his face to take my lips fully. I breathed a soft moan against him and I felt his smile on my lips. My chest leaned forward to meet his and his hand slid from my jaw into my hair smoothly. My heart pounded in my chest as I felt my head spinning and I could only concentrate on how soft his lips felt against mine as he invaded all of my senses. I was amazed by his ability to take my breath away and I could feel the familiar flutter in my chest that only he could give me. Someone sharply cleared their throat and we broke apart reluctantly. I glanced over to discover Octavia watching us from the door with an amused look and her brow raised in interest.

“Well, you two didn’t waste any time.” She crooned as she surveyed us and although I was sure that I would have been embarrassed to be caught in the act at any other time, I was too glad for the sight of her to feel anything but relief.

“Octavia!” I gasped as tears filled my eyes and she smiled fondly as she stepped toward me. Bellamy quickly stood and wandered quietly from the room. I felt an immediate pang at his absence but I kept my focus on Octavia as she neared and sat on the bed. “You’re a hell of a sight for sore eyes.” I breathed as I poured over her and she smiled at me with watery eyes. Her hair was braided in several small plaits away from her face and I could still see some residue of what seemed to be war paint around her eyes. Even though Bellamy had warned me that she was involved with the grounders now, it was still jarring to see her looking so different. I forced the sadness from my mind and met her tear filled green eyes with a feeling of sentimentality. “God I missed you so much.” I whispered as I regarded her.

“Not as much as you missed my brother by the looks of it.” She teased as she smiled at me coyly even through her emotion and I chuckled under my breath. It was refreshing to find that her suggestive humour was still intact and I was reassured to hear it again. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you want kisses too?” I insinuated as I leaned forward to grab her face in my hands and used her shock to plaster her skin in playful butterfly kisses. She snorted in laughter and tried to bat me off until I was giggling too hard to continue. The strain of the laughter caused me to wince in pain and the sound pulled us back into the reality of our situation. I sat back to wipe my eyes of tears that were a combination of relief and joy and took in the welcome sight of her smile. I felt a wave of sadness as I remembered the pain of the earth shattering moment that the dropship launched and my lip trembled as I tried to stop the feelings from overflowing. “I thought I’d lost you.” I muttered and she took my hand in hers with a gentle squeeze. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” I added as I absorbed the sight of her and she smiled fondly.

“You too. It’s good to have you back.” She stated before she pulled me into a tight embrace. She held me to her for several minutes and I enjoyed basking in her presence. It felt like it had been years since it was just the two of us against the world and things were finally back to how they were supposed to be. I heard rushed footsteps and saw Bellamy re-enter the space with an older brunette woman immediately behind him. She hurried in to look at me and Octavia sat back to glance over her shoulder at her. “I’ll let Doc check you over. Get some rest.” She answered with a final affectionate squeeze on my shoulders before wandering from the room. Bellamy remained in place at the door with his arms crossed as he watched the woman approach me with a worried look.

“Well, it’s nice to formally meet you at last. My name is Abby Griffin, I’m Clarke’s mother.” She smiled as she reached me and I gulped awkwardly. I tried not to concentrate on my ill treatment of Clarke as she busied herself with checking me over. She worked thoroughly, checking my blood pressure, temperature and all of the other necessary tests before checking my wound. “I’ve heard quite a lot about you from the other kids of your camp. It sounds like you’ve played a large part in keeping them alive all of this time. I’d say they’ve been lucky to have you.” She spoke thoughtfully as she worked and I scoffed. I glanced over to Bellamy who smiled with amusement dancing in his eyes at her words. I returned my attention to her and shuffled awkwardly as I saw her notice the way that we spied at each other. I found myself wondering exactly how much she knew and tried not to focus too hard on the thought. “Your vitals are looking good and the wound seems to be healing nicely. A couple more days and you should be ready to join the rest of camp.” She summarised as she smiled at me and I felt my heart drop in disappointment.

“Come on Doc. I’ve spent way too long locked up, attached to wires and being treated like a specimen in that mountain.” I appealed to her and she sighed at me. “I can’t sit in this room for days, I’ll go mad.” I justified and she scanned me in frustration.

“Indigo, you were  _ shot _ .” She began as she scolded me like a misbehaving child and I huffed in annoyance at her tone. “You’re not even ready to walk yet. You need to rest.” She instructed and I quickly realised that I had not missed the restrictions of the adults of the Ark. I no longer felt my own age after everything I’d been through on Earth and I certainly didn’t appreciate being parented.

“I’ve survived worse than a gunshot, I’ll manage.” I drawled as I accidentally allowed my bitterness to show. I recalled that she was part of the council that had made the decision to send us down here and I couldn’t contain the cold look that escaped to my face. She grimaced before recovering to an understanding smile.

“I appreciate your strength, but this isn’t something you can just tough out.” She spoke in a gentler tone now as she viewed me with sympathy and I got the impression that I wasn’t the first of the 100 to remind her how much we’d grown in our time here. “If you start walking too soon you’ll rip your stitches. You were lucky to survive this already, don’t push your luck.” She advised as she pondered me with concern. I turned subtly to Bellamy with a pleading expression and he cleared his throat as he entered the space.

“Surely she could rest somewhere else?” He suggested and she squinted over at him with a pointed expression that revealed she wasn’t impressed with him for getting involved.

“Bellamy, she can’t walk!” She repeated with an impatient tone as she raised a brow at him and he shifted under her scrutiny. He returned his gaze to me with a mischievous look and I was glad to find that he hadn’t given up on me yet.

“She doesn’t have to walk.” He argued and she perceived him with confusion. “I’ll carry her.” He suggested and I smiled at his devious idea. I couldn’t help a feeling of girlish delight at the idea of him carrying me out of here to my freedom and I annoyed myself with my simple desires. Abby glimpsed between the two of us with tired eyes.

“I don’t think either of you are fully understanding how serious this is.” She sighed as she caught us staring at each other with blatant attraction and I could tell that she was tired of our young group causing issues with their hormones. “She almost died, I was barely able to save her and you’re acting as if you’re simply trying to get out of being grounded.” She lectured and I saw a slight subtle smile in the corner of Bellamy’s lips as he crept his way toward me.

“I hear you Abby, I know it’s serious. And I promise I’ll be careful with her.” He spoke coyly and he started to wrap me in the blanket before sliding his hands beneath me. He paused once in position to meet my eyes with concern. “Tell me straight away if anything hurts.” He stated firmly and I nodded in acceptance. He gently lifted me into his arms, moving in slow, careful motions until he completely straightened up to standing and held me in a bridal style.

“Bellamy stop!” Abby shouted as she moved to block our exit and observed me in worry.

“I’m fine Doc, no pain at all. It’s a perfectly safe transfer.” I smiled and she neared to check my dressing for any sign of damage. I waited nervously for her to order me back to bed and I decided that I needed to take a more emotional approach if I was going to win her over. “Please Abby, I can’t stay cooped up in wards any longer.” I pleaded with a pained look and her stern expression finally crumbled.

“Where are you going to take her?” She asked as she glared up at Bellamy in a sceptical manner. “The dorms aren’t exactly restful.” She sighed as she rubbed her forehead in frustration. I noticed a mischievous look crossed Bellamy’s face and I knew that whatever he was about to do or say would be a gamble.

“She can stay in my room, I’ll make sure she’s not disturbed.” He suggested in his best attempt at an innocent voice and I could hardly believe that he’d been brave enough to suggest this to her face. He beheld her with a hopeful expression and I had to hold my breath through the tension of the silence. Abby sighed and threw her hands up in exasperation.

“Fine! Please be careful how you move her.” She ordered and we both nodded obediently. I felt my heart skip a beat at the thought of getting some time alone with him and she clocked us both with an expression that showed that she anticipated the worst from us. “And both of you, make sure she  _ rests _ ! I mean it, I don’t want to see her back here in a couple of hours needing new stitches because you two couldn’t behave yourselves.” She added as she raised a brow at us and I felt my cheeks redden slightly at her implication.

“Absolutely, doctors orders.” Bellamy agreed before he looked down at me with evident excitement in his smile. “Come on Trouble. Let’s get you out of here.” He quipped as he swung me to face the doors and I could hear Abby calling out in annoyance at his rapid movement as I cackled wildly.

He carried me carefully through the camp, ensuring that I was properly covered by the blanket and I was surprised by how cold it was outside. He stuck to the outer edges of the camp to avoid being seen by too many residents and I felt a strange sense of nostalgia as we entered the familiar halls of the Ark. It was bizarre to be inside the structure when I knew that we were on Earth and it felt as if two contradictory parts of my life collided as I noticed daylight streaming in through the windows that had previously only ever showed space. We entered a large, well furnished room and he carried me over to the bed to place me down with cautious movements. I knew that he had been instructed to be careful with me, but I resented being treated as if I was so delicate and fidgeted to make myself comfortable. I pondered the wide space and was pleasantly surprised by the room that he had been assigned.

“You know, you were right. This isn’t bad at all, especially the whole having an actual bed part. I have to admit though, I still kind of prefer the charm of the tent.” I teased as I met his eyes and he explored me fondly.

“Well, it has at least one more advantage on the tent.” He said coyly as he stood by the bed and I raised a brow at him with interest.

“Oh yeah?” I asked as I felt a nervous sense of anticipation after his earlier choice of comparison between the two locations; I wondered if he would use this as a segway into kissing me again and I had to admit that I wouldn’t mind. He crossed the room and closed the door, turning to face me with a suggestive look as he slowly slid the lock across. I felt my heart start to race as he scanned me and I tried to deny the excitement that grew in my chest. “No more rude interruptions? However will you cope?” I spoke with a playful tone as he sauntered back over to the bed and perched on the edge to face me with concern.

“So, it’s just us, you don’t need to put on a brave face now.” He spoke in a serious tone and I was confused by the sudden change in his demeanour. “How are you really?” He investigated as he studied me closely and I could tell that he was trying to analyse my reaction. I had no doubt that he knew me well enough to see through any false answers but I was so distracted by the thrill of being alone with him that I was able to be honest.

“I’m fine Bellamy.” I answered with a confident smile and he looked sceptical. “You don’t need to fuss over me. I feel better right now than I have in a long time.” I added as I brought my focus back to him with a feeling of contentment. His eyes flitted down to my stomach, then back at me with a doubtful expression. 

“Can I check?” He requested and I peeked at him in surprise. “I want to make sure I didn’t do any damage getting you here, you don’t seem to be the best at noticing your injuries.” He spoke with a poignant look at me and I had nothing I could say to argue with his logic. I nodded at him and he took a deep breath as he moved closer to me.

He gently lifted the blanket off me to reveal my loosely dressed form. I felt my cheeks growing warm as his eyes briefly scanned over me and I tried to contain the tension that built inside of me. Bellamy carefully gripped the lower edge of my vest and slid it up to reveal the fresh, white dressing on the left side of my waist. I felt goosebumps spread over my skin as his hand brushed my waist. He traced his fingers along the edge of the dressing and my eyes fluttered closed as I battled my urge to touch him. My mind strained to concentrate on anything else but my heart wouldn’t cooperate. I opened my eyes to catch him gulping as he met my gaze and I was overwhelmed with impulsiveness. 

I sat up to put a hand on his jaw and pulled him into an urgent kiss. He took a sharp intake of breath before surrendering himself to my touch. The kiss that he returned was gentle, as if he was trying to hold back the swell of desire that threatened to sweep us away but it wasn’t gentleness that I wanted now. I felt the crushing power of the tension that had been building between us since I first laid eyes on him, clean and tidy with his neatly combed back hair in the dropship and I shivered with a fresh feeling of attraction. My hand knotted in his shirt to bring him closer to me, desperate to feel him against me as I enjoyed the rugged, dishevelled look that he wore in recent days. I was drawn to the man that he’d become since we arrived here and I could ignore the magnetising lust for him no longer. I felt like I’d been disconnected from a potent power source as he removed himself from me and he moved back to view me anxiously.

“You’re supposed to be resting Indie.” He spoke reluctantly between heavy breaths and although his words were scolding, I could see the fire of temptation dancing in his eyes.

“I feel very rested.” I crooned and subtly drifted back to him as he visibly struggled to resist me. My lips brushed his gently and for a few seconds he slipped into the moment as he leaned into me as if he were pulled by some enchanting force. I moved slowly to thread my fingers into his hair and lured him back into our connection as I longed to feel his skin on mine. He pulled back regretfully, blinking several times as if combating dizziness and tried to fix me with a serious look, despite the obvious arousal in his body language. He gripped my wrists to contain me and I sighed in annoyance as he raised a disapproving brow at me. 

“I’m serious.” He stated with an attempt at a firm tone but his voice shook subtly and I could sense that he was struggling to maintain control. “You got shot.” He breathed as his eyes flickered to my waist and the worry returned. I scoffed at his words and rolled my eyes.

“Everyone keeps saying that like I don’t realise, I was there you know.” I huffed as I removed my wrists from him and sat back out of his space. He peeked at me with concern and I met his eyes with a feeling of sadness in my chest. “I’m fully aware that I almost died  _ again _ ; right after spending weeks locked away, thinking that  _ you _ were dead.” I added as his look softened and I felt the familiar pang of pain as I remembered the grief that I’d experienced. I glanced at him pleadingly and my voice dropped to a low tone as I tried to reason with him. 

“Bellamy right now we’re alive, we’re safe and we’re alone. We may not get this chance again. If this whole mess has taught me anything, it’s to embrace the moment whilst it’s here and not to waste your chances. I don’t want to live with any more regret.” I explained and he nodded slightly as he viewed me with understanding. I noticed that he was slowly becoming less guarded as he absorbed my words and his eyes started to roam over me with a conflicted interest as he considered what to do. I could tell that his resolve was wavering and so I leaned into him again to kiss his cheek, lingering by his ear. “I want this, don’t you?” I whispered in a breathy voice, peppering featherlight kisses along his cheek and down onto his neck as I was enveloped in his musky scent. He made a low growl that tickled against my lips and as I leaned back to kiss him fully, he cradled my face with a shaking hand that held me back weakly.

“Don’t tempt me.” He growled as he met my eyes with a passion that heated the air in the barely existent space between us. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He whispered in a softer voice as his brows furrowed in worry.

I smiled warmly at him and felt comforted by his care. I sensed a slight vulnerability that lurked under my desire. Although the regret that haunted me in Mount Weather urged me to seize the moment, I couldn’t deny that there was still an element of nervousness in my chest for what I was about to do. For a fleeting moment, I felt the worries return that he might toss me aside afterwards, that what was between us would burn out now that he’d succeeded in rescuing me, that he’d simply move on to the next damsel in distress. I had to mentally remind myself that even if that happened, I would never again be haunted by what ifs or feel that I had missed a chance at happiness. I stared into his passionate, whisky brown eyes and I felt that in this moment, I knew exactly what I wanted. It had never been clearer and the worries over what might happen afterwards faded away into nothing.

“Then I guess you’ll have to be gentle with me.” I whispered suggestively and I watched as the last of his resolve crumbled before me.

He pulled my face to his and slammed his lips against mine hungrily. The feeling was different than before as he threaded his fingers into my hair and grasped a handful of it with a frenzied tenacity. My heart pounded in my chest so fast that I worried it might explode. His tongue slipped into my mouth as he deepened the kiss and he pulled me into him so that I was pressed against his chest. I suddenly understood why people describe kissing as melting as I could feel myself becoming pliable under his touch. I could barely breathe through the heat that radiated from him and the moment was all consuming as I surrendered myself to him.

He gently pushed me backwards in a manoeuvre that was measured and careful even through the intensity of our contact and I laid back on the bed with him following eagerly, his lips never leaving mine. The feeling of his body on mine made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I felt a rush of exhilaration pass through my entire body. He sat up to slide up his t-shirt smoothly, tousling his loose curls as he pulled it over his head and threw it across the room. My eyes fell to his muscular chest in an involuntary action and I bit my lip at the sight of him. I expected him to laugh or make a comment as I continued to stare at him with what could only be an aroused delight, but by the time I dragged my gaze back to his face, he was encouraging me to sit up so that he could delicately remove my vest. I flinched at the movement, glad that he assisted me without my asking as I was unsure if I could do it myself. 

It took all of my concentration to contain a hiss of pain as the vest slid over my head; I was desperate not to give him any reason to stop now. When the fabric cleared my view, I was met with his ravishing eyes as I sat bare chested before him. It felt strange to expose myself to him like this and I squirmed uncomfortably as his gaze fell onto the assortment of scars that littered my body. He looked up to notice my light rose blush and I avoided meeting his eyes. I’d had so many injuries since we arrived here that it felt like I had almost more scars than unmarked skin and I couldn’t help wondering if he was disappointed in what he found beneath my clothes. He brushed his fingers slowly along a mark that stretched the length of my collarbone and I observed him with an insecure expression, drawing his focused eyes to mine.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered and I felt my cheeks flush hot at his unexpected comment. He neared to kiss the scar with a gentleness that I never would’ve anticipated from him and my eyes fluttered closed. He slowly guided me to lay back as he worked his way across my torso, placing lingering kisses on every mark as I laid in a sultry sense of ecstasy. His lips drew a hot trail along my skin until he reached my neck, dragging out the slightly nipping kisses there in a teasing, gradual journey to meet my lips. He laid beside me, examining my face with a tempered hunger as he brushed my ruffled hair behind my ear. 

“Are you sure about this?” He asked with one last assessing look. I sighed shakily as I stared into his bewitching eyes and although I was nervous, I felt safe in his arms.

“I’ve never been so sure of anything.” I breathed, earning an amorous smile from him. 

I’d never imagined being ready for something like this, but intimacy with Bellamy felt as natural as breathing. He kept me too absorbed in him to be distracted by insecurity as I always feared that I would be. In fact, I was hardly able to think at all as he kept me utterly mesmerised. The experience was nothing like the movies, nor the vivid description of screaming and thrashing around that Octavia had rather traumatised me with. It was patient and gentle, it was easy and most of all, it felt like it was much more than just sex to both of us. I felt that I knew him more profoundly than I believed possible and I’d allowed him to share a vulnerable part of me that I usually tried to shield from the world. There were no fireworks, no cracked headboards, no theatricals, just the simple passion that we shared for each other forming into a bond that connected us on a deeper level than before. He rolled onto his back panting and I curled into him, setting my head on his chest to look up at him with a contented focus as he wrapped his arms around me.

“I can’t even tell you how long I’ve imagined doing that.” He admitted between wheezes and I sniggered shyly as I struggled to catch my breath too.

“You’re not the only one.” I muttered bashfully and he raised a brow at me in surprise. I avoided his prying eyes and wished that I’d kept that thought to myself. It still felt strange to openly admit my attraction to him and I was yet to develop confidence in it. It seemed foolish to be embarrassed after what had just happened between us but I was reluctant to open up to him first.

“You could’ve fooled me! You kept me guessing for a while there.” He chuckled and I couldn’t contain a giggle that escaped my lips. I met his eyes with a sentimental delight as I basked in the joy of his smile.

“I was nervous to put myself out there, I didn’t know if you were just messing with me.” I confessed as I watched him scoff in response. 

“I thought I’d made my interest pretty clear.” He sighed as he leaned forward to gently kiss my forehead and I felt butterflies in my chest as his lips brushed the tip of my scar without any notice.

“I guess it took some reflection time to change my perspective.” I commented as I stared up at him. Although I felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be in this moment, tangled in the covers with him, there was still a feeling of disbelief as I stared into his relaxed face. There seemed to be a delay in my heart understanding that he was back seemingly from the dead and every time that this fact struck me again I experienced a fresh wave of appreciation for his presence. “Everything got clearer once I thought you were gone.” I whispered with a hint of sadness in my voice. He sighed deeply as he pondered me and I noticed that his expression became reflective.

“Yeah, I get that.” He admitted as he carefully pushed my hair behind my ear and settled his hand on my cheek. He stared into my eyes with an intensity that stunned me. “I searched  _ everywhere _ for you.” He revealed and I felt myself take a sharp breath at the emotion in his voice. “I thought the grounders had taken you, I was ready to take on the entire army.” He described and I smiled, not doubting his statement at all. “It was torture, not knowing what had happened to you. By the time we found Clarke and she told us that you were in Mount Weather, it was a struggle to wait for them to get a plan together. I just wanted to get you back.” He blurted as he stroked my face with a mesmerised smile. I felt like I was in a dream, like the words falling from his swollen, over-kissed lips couldn’t possibly be for me. “You have no idea how hard it was to stay in control in that Mountain, every part of the plan went wrong and I couldn’t find you anywhere.” He aired his thoughts without any hesitation and my heart warmed at his honesty.

“I have a pretty good idea.” I drawled as I explored the finer details of his face. I studied him like he was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. His radiant skin was warm even in the low light of the room and I reached up to brush his charming natural curls out of his face. I continued to adore the freckles that decorated his complexion and it struck me that they were a treasured reminder of my mother. He considered me with a sparkle in his perfect eyes as I lost myself in him. He smiled tenderly as my attention fell to his lips and I brushed my fingers across the slight scar that framed them, wondering what the story was behind it. I couldn’t get past my need to observe him, to confirm that he was here and I felt as if I should make the most of every moment after the pain of the last few weeks. I met his eyes and prepared myself to meet his honesty with my own. 

“I really believed that you were dead. You, Octavia, Raven and so many others. I woke up in that mountain with the knowledge that my entire family was gone. I grieved for you and I had to try to continue with the regret.” I admitted. I watched his brows furrow and concern crept into the corners of his eyes. “I focused on protecting the people that were left and I was lucky to have Monty and Jasper to keep that focus alive. I would love to say that I held it together without you, that I stepped up to lead them in your place like everyone keeps saying that I did but the truth is, I don’t think I would even be alive right now if there hadn’t been a threat to distract me.” I divulged as I allowed my emotions to speak for themselves.

He wrapped his fingers delicately around my wrist as he turned it slightly toward his face and I couldn’t meet his eyes. It was difficult for me to even consider reliving the moments that led me to these scars, even with him and I squirmed in discomfort as I felt him inspecting me. I startled at the sudden sensation of his lips placing a featherlight kiss on the tender skin of my wrist and I peeked at him through guilty eyes.

“Never again.” He declared as he held my gaze and I squinted at him in confusion. “I know that you thought we were all gone, but this can’t ever happen again. Do you understand me?” He confirmed with a firm tone to his voice and his gaze was filled with intensity as he assessed me. I nodded back through a gathering of unspent tears. “You can’t give up Indie, no matter what happens in the future you have to keep fighting. Promise me that you will.” He insisted and it became much harder to contain my emotions.

“I promise.” I responded in a small voice as a single tear rolled down my cheek and he brushed it away. He gathered me into him, wrapping his arms tightly around me and I breathed him in. He placed a comforting kiss on my forehead, smoothing my hair and I felt a flutter in my chest.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed of them. They’re like the others, something that you survived. You don’t have to hide them.” He advised as he ran his thumb along one of the scars on my wrist and I smiled at his perspective.

I drifted into the most restful sleep that I’d ever experienced, wrapped in the incomparable safety of his arms. For the first time in weeks, it was dreamless and I wasn’t haunted by anything. My brain couldn’t even create any pleasant dreams that would trump my reality and so instead I was able to switch off completely.


	39. Nᴇᴡ Bᴇɢɪɴɴɪɴɢs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had a few people express disappointment that they didn’t get smut and for that I can only say I’m sorry that I couldn’t provide it!
> 
> As I’ve stated in a few posts on my Tumblr, I absolutely cannot write smut. I’m an awkward, very British, touch repulsed nerd 😂 I know where my strengths lie and that’s fluff.
> 
> HOWEVER: if you would like to write some smut about Indie and Bellamy and send it to me, I’d be totally flattered and down to share to links to it with your permission. Or if you would just like to send me art of my fav little couple, that would be dope too. If you want to send me anything, my DM's are open on Tumblr under PuddyGeeks :)
> 
> I’ll happily continue supplying angsty, fluffy, slow burn feels and worshipping the incredible writers who are able to write smut 💜

There was a repeated banging sound that tore me from my blissful sleep and I lifted my head with a groggy feeling. Bellamy stumbled as he hurriedly climbed over me to his feet and scrambled around the room in search of some clothing. I gradually registered the noise as insistent knocking on the door as he finished fastening his bottoms and gazed at me with an irritated face. He ran a frustrated hand through hair before stomping over to the door as I raised into an upright position with a yawn. I caught sight of my naked chest as I finished stretching and just managed to pull the blanket into a bunch over my chest as Bellamy threw open the door with annoyance.

“Can I help you?” Bellamy spat in a gruff voice with his back to me and I spent a moment ensuring that I was properly covered. I rubbed my eyes sleepily as I leaned forward to peek at the door curiously, only to find Monty standing in the doorway. As recognition struck me and I shuffled awkwardly in an effort to subtly slide back out of view, he noticed me on the bed with wide eyes. He broke into a smug smile as he clocked me and returned his attention to Bellamy’s dishevelled, half dressed appearance with a single cocked brow full of insinuation.

“Kane wants to see you for a report.” Monty answered formally, although he visibly struggled to contain a smile as Bellamy nodded with a reluctant acceptance. Monty’s eyes flitted back to me one last time with an amused smile before he finally wandered away, leaving me with fully flushed cheeks. Bellamy turned back to face me as he closed the door and I raised a brow at him in scrutiny.

“You know, I have a sneaking suspicion that you enjoyed getting caught.” I accused as he flashed me a guilty smile and one hand came to rest on the back of his neck nervously. I laughed lightly under my breath at his confirmation as I tried not to consider the spread of this information now that Monty of all people had discovered us. 

“I’ve gotta deal with this.” He stated in an unenthusiastic tone as he strolled back over to the bed and perched on the edge. His gaze roamed my body with an obvious reluctance as he leaned closer into my space and it was clear that he’d rather stay in bed.

“It’s okay.” I smiled shyly as I slid myself closer to the edge of the bed to grab my underwear and noticed him flinch at the movement. “I’ve got a few errands to run anyway.” I clarified as I started to dress myself and he furrowed his brows with concern whilst I slid my vest over my head.

“Are you sure you should be up and about?” He questioned and held out a hand to pause me in place so that I would meet his eyes. I grinned with warmth and although a part of me was frustrated at the continued implication that I should just stay in bed, I appreciated his protectiveness.

“I thought I’d shown you already that I’m perfectly fine.” I suggested as I leaned forward to place a chaste kiss on his cheek and he relaxed at the contact. “I’m gonna need slightly more to wear than this though, don’t you think?” I teased as he pondered me and sighed with a hint of disappointment at this idea. I frowned at him and he broke into a cheeky wink.

“Don’t worry, I’m way ahead of you.” He declared with a smile before he crossed the room in search of something and I waited with interest as he rooted around. “I had a feeling you’d be done with that dress. I picked up these to bring to medical for you when you were discharged. I didn’t think I’d be breaking you out straight away.” There was an amused tone to his voice which was obvious even across the room. He sauntered back to me and held out some clothing. Thankfully, I stood to take a pair of trousers from him and immediately busied myself with stepping into them as he threw something else onto the bed behind me. He waited just out of my reach, anticipating that I might need his assistance and I managed with a determination to prove that I was ready to go outside. He raised a brow at me in surprise as I buttoned them up and shrugged at him. He leaned over to the bed to pick up the item that he had discarded earlier and handed it to me with a poignant expression. I gripped the heavy jacket and immediately recognised it as I met his eyes with awe.

“It’s not perfect, but I got as much of the blood out of it as I could. I thought you’d want it back.” There was a casual shrug alongside his words in an effort to downplay his kindness. He wandered off to find a shirt whilst I slid the familiar jacket around my shoulders. The desperation that I had felt for it before was absent now that I had Bellamy himself back, but I still appreciated being able to hide myself in its oversized comfort. I suspected that he didn’t mind the idea of my covering myself whilst around the others of camp too. 

“What about you?” I asked as I surveyed his bare arms in confusion.

“We’ve got more guard jackets on the Ark than we have people left.” He assessed with a disinterested attitude and I shrugged absentmindedly. When returned to me he was dressed in a black t-shirt and his usual bottoms. As he clocked me wearing the jacket he smiled in his usual charming manner and reached out to adjust it’s position on me. “Plus, I like seeing you in something of mine.” He expressed with a heart stopping smile and the slightest glint of playfulness. I giggled in embarrassment and he handed me a familiarly chunky pair of black boots.

“Ah, the beloved space boots.” I chirped as I sat to put them on and I heard him cross the room to find his own. Once we’d finished getting ready to face the outside, he wandered toward the door but I grabbed his arm to halt him. “Wait, you still have bed hair.” I sniggered as I observed his chaotic locks, which was more of a challenge with how much he towered over me and he met my eyes with an affectionate smugness.

“Oh, you think so?” He drawled. “You should see yours.” He chuckled with a smirk as his attention landed on my hair. He indicated toward a mirror in the corner that I hadn’t noticed earlier and I gasped at my bedraggled reflection. I neared the mirror with an open mouthed horror as I absorbed the bright red birds nest that sat atop my head.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” I stated accusingly and he chortled in the background. I returned my attention to my reflection and realised that I already appeared healthier than when I’d last seen myself. The colour had returned to my skin and I’d finally slept off the bags and dark circles that had taken up residence beneath my eyes. As I examined that area of my face, I was shocked to find a slight twinkle in my eyes in place of the vast emptiness that had been there previously. 

I felt much more comfortable in the familiar combat trousers of the Ark. This pair were dark navy blue with an unnecessary silver zip on the outer side of each leg and under the huge cover of Bellamy’s jacket I wore a black spaghetti strapped vest which would show several blemishes if worn alone. The boots were thicker and more padded than the old pair I’d been given at Mount Weather and I came to realise that there were some advantages to things being designed for space. The baggy bottoms tucked neatly into my boots and I was relieved to no longer have to concentrate on sitting like a lady. I fiddled with my gravity resisting hair in a fruitless bid to get it under control when Bellamy appeared behind me. 

“I don’t suppose you have a hairbrush in here?” I enquired hopefully and felt my heart sink when he shook his head in the glass.

“I don’t need one, can’t brush curls.” He answered with amusement as he ran his fingers through his hair in a carefree manner and it fell easily into style. I huffed in annoyance at his natural beauty and sighed at my reflection as my hair refused to cooperate. He leaned down with a mischievous smile and kissed my cheek. 

“Why don’t you leave it?” He suggested as his breath warmed my cheek and I rolled my eyes at him. “It looks hot.” He winked at me in the mirror and I turned to face him with a scrutinising look. I knew exactly what he was plotting but he still fruitlessly attempted to quickly cover his expression and forced his face into the picture of innocence.

“Haven’t you advertised our antics enough this morning with Monty?” I commented as I crossed my arms at him and a devious smile broke through his facade. “I’m not going outside with this, I might as well walk around with a sign over my head saying  _ guess what I’ve been doing _ !” I added and he chuckled as he left me to fix the damage. I met him at the door once ready to face the camp and as I reached out to the handle, he gripped my hand to halt me in place.

“Wait, you forgot something.” He blurted in a convincing manner and I opened my mouth to question it when he pulled me into one last world spinning kiss. I couldn’t help a contented laugh before we finally parted ways.

***

I hadn’t even left the Ark before I was intercepted by a member of camp who informed me that Abby requested me in the medical unit and I gulped in dread as I walked there delicately. The moment that I entered the room I was met with Abby’s disappointing eyes. I shuffled inside with a guilty smile and perched on the edge of a bed as I waited nervously for her to scrutinise me.

“I thought I was very clear about you not walking yet.” She tuttered as she reached me and regarded me with disapproval. I could feel my heartbeat quicken in her company and gulped to contain my nerves. “So, what are you doing pottering your way into camp?” She interrogated with a motherly authority and I dropped my gaze to avoid her prying eyes.

“I feel fine, I wouldn’t push myself otherwise.” I chirped in the hope that my enthusiasm would convince her but she simply raised a brow at me. I was surprised by how intimidating she was and had to admit that this was not what I had pictured of Clarke’s mother.

“I would’ve expected Bellamy to be more sensible, he certainly has done his best to give that impression so far.” She probed in an accusing manner and I squirmed in my seat. I felt immediately guilty that I had stained the reputation that he’d been working on before I stomped my way back into his life. I reflected on the difference in his behaviour recently and wondered if this had been for the benefit of the adults that were here now, or simply a result of them taking the responsibility from his overworked shoulders.

“He doesn’t know, I wanted for him to leave.” I lied through my teeth in an effort to preserve his good impression and decided that I would happily take the blame for him. If anything, most of what had happened over the past 24 hours had been at my insistence and it didn’t seem fair to blame Bellamy for my stubbornness. Abby inspected me and I held my ground, careful not to give her any reason to suspect me.

“Hmm, sounds like you’re the one to watch.” She expressed and I smiled playfully at her. She leaned me back onto the bed and rolled my vest up to access the wound. Although she had a tenderness that was comforting, she was also efficient and focused on her work. It was surprising to me that I found myself liking her already when I’d constantly clashed with Clarke. “What was important enough to be up and walking so soon?” She enquired as she viewed me with interest and I carefully considered my response.

“I wanted to check on some of the others from our camp, especially the ones who weren’t in Mount Weather with us. I haven’t met my quota for heartwarming reunions just yet.” I detailed as I smiled in a peaceful way and realised that I already felt that I could easily talk to her. I was honestly excited to see the familiar faces and wished that I hadn’t been apprehended so I could be with them already.

“I understand. I assume Bellamy has filled you in on who to expect?” She suggested in a heavy tone and I raised a brow at her curiously. Although we’d discussed some of what happened in our time apart, I felt as if there were specific losses that she was referring to and I couldn’t recall any that he had mentioned. “Clarke’s gone.” She clarified and I widened my eyes at her in shock.

“What do you mean gone? I thought she was part of the rescue?” I asked in a confused tone as I started to bolt up and she firmly pushed me back down with a disapproving expression. I was sure that I’d heard Bellamy say Clarke’s name just before I lost consciousness from the gunshot and I couldn’t imagine why he wouldn’t tell me if we’d lost her after that.

“She survived the attack, but apparently she couldn’t face coming back to camp. We haven’t been able to find her yet.” She answered in a tone that tried to mask the hurt that she was feeling but it was still abundantly clear. I sighed as I processed this and found myself considering whether Bellamy was affected by his part in the mission. 

“There’s also Finn.” Abby muttered and my attention shot to her face in a wave of panic. She noticed my expression and sighed reluctantly as she fidgeted on the spot. “He didn’t tell you. Finn died. It was an impossible situation and it’s not really for me to fill you in on. I just thought you should be prepared before you step into camp...not everyone is able to talk about it yet.” She detailed obediently and I was surprised to find that even her eyes glinted with remorse. I couldn’t understand how we could have lost him under the additional protection of the Ark and instead pushed the questions to the back of my mind as I nodded solemnly in response. 

“Thank you for telling me, the last thing I want to do is upset anyone.” I acknowledged as I considered the undeniable impact that this loss would have on Raven and I knew that she had been referring to her. “Is there anything else I need to know?” I immediately regretted my question even as the words left my mouth and found myself wishing that I had simply stayed in the blissful bubble of Bellamy’s room.

“Well, Raven’s alive but she has a leg brace now and I think she’s struggling with adjusting to it. I’ve been advised that you were close before, maybe you can help her through it. Jasper’s not been doing too well since returning to camp either.” She listed and I tried to contain my distress as she kindly took the time to bring me up to speed. “And Jaha left with a small group to chase some ridiculous rumour, so I’m the Chancellor.” She clarified and I raised my brows in shock before I noticed the small metal pin on her chest.

“Well, that’s a lot to process.” I muttered as I cleared my throat and she smiled in understanding.

“Take as much time as you need to acclimatise, you kids have been through a lot. Though I would recommend speaking to Bellamy for any of the finer details, he seems to have forgotten to update you on events.” She suggested and I nodded in response. Whilst I appreciated that he probably wanted to enjoy our time together rather than wallowing on our losses, I felt that he had left me unprepared to rejoin our friends. Abby seemed to be almost finished with the wound as she applied fresh dressings and gave me a scolding look that made my stomach drop. 

“The stitches are fine and I have to admit that you seem to be doing remarkably well, all things considered. However, the wound does appear to be slightly inflamed. I’m sure that I instructed the both of you to rest.” She lectured and I felt my cheeks growing hot under her all seeing gaze.

“I must say Doc, I’m really feeling well rested.” I divulged in a smug manner causing her expression to crack into a smile.

“You kids will be the death of me.” She groaned in frustration but I noticed that her eyes twinkled even as she complained. “I’m not going to tell you to go back to bed as I know I’ll be wasting my time, but strictly no strenuous activity. Take it easy.” She ordered firmly and I reluctantly agreed to her terms.

Once I’d been released from Abby’s care I wandered slowly through the camp in a bid to familiarise myself. It felt strange to be outside after the imprisonment of Mount Weather and I enjoyed the simple pleasure of the wind on my face. I inspected the small tents and makeshift buildings that surrounded the hulking structure of the Ark with wonder. It was an overwhelming sight and I felt myself basking in the relief of knowing that I was home with my own people again. 

I navigated to Raven’s quarters with nervous anticipation and tried to prepare myself for the changes that I’d been warned of. I wasn’t sure what kind of greeting to expect or what state of mind she would be in. I tapped the door gently and took a deep breath before stepping into the cluttered mixture of work and living space. I could hear clattering and the sounds of her working, but I couldn’t see any movement.

“Hey, I heard there was a feisty trouble maker in here, am I in the right place?” I called out in a playful tone as I prayed that we would be able to pick up our friendship as normal. I heard several objects drop abruptly and there were rushed footsteps with a strange creaking that fell into perfect time with them. 

Raven emerged from the back of the space with a delighted expression and tore over to me as quickly as she could. She pulled me into a firm embrace and I didn’t hesitate at all in squeezing her in return. We stayed for a few moments in our joyful reunion before she stepped back to regard me with a warm expression.

“It’s good to have you back Indie, it’s no fun being the only bitch in camp.” She expressed and I couldn’t stop a fond smile from creeping into my face. “Abby said you wouldn’t be up and about for another couple of days yet, good to see nothing’s changed.” She commented with a lilt of amusement in her voice and I shrugged.

“We’re not the type to lay around. You know how it is, things to do.” I chirped as she nodded in agreement. She wandered over to a workbench and took a seat to continue working. Even from the limited time that I had known Raven, I identified that this was a sign of struggle for her. I felt that the foundation of our friendship was based on distraction or humour when either of us needed it, but I was unsure if there was much I could do to help with the level of hardship that she’d experienced since I saw her last.

“You can say that again.” She remarked as she started to fiddle with tools again and gestured for me to join her. I strolled over to take a seat at her side and relaxed into her company. “You must be glad to be home after spending so long in that creepy bunker. After visiting there myself I can safely say that they get zero stars for hospitality.” She mentioned as she cocked a brow at me in interest and I chuckled quietly at her choice of words.

“Yeah, it’s a good feeling finding out the people you care about didn’t die after all.” I muttered gratefully and she hummed quietly in response. I kicked myself internally as I considered that this was selfish compared to her loss and tried to concentrate harder before speaking again. “I really missed this.” I added in a sentimental tone and she sighed comfortably as she peeked over at me.

“Me too.” She admitted with a fondness in her eyes before she returned her focus to her work. “Things have been pretty shit here too. I think we needed the morale boost of getting you all back.” She disclosed and I could tell that she was avoiding meeting my eyes. I hadn’t expected her to initiate conversation about events here first and took a moment to recover from her unexpected comment.

“Abby was filling me in a little, it really sounds like you had your hands full here.” I started nervously as I tried to tread carefully and she nodded slightly. She was gripping her tools with an unnecessary amount of force and I knew that it would be a challenge to get her to open up. I could only understand a small portion of her pain after my experience of believing Bellamy was dead; I acknowledged that she had loved Finn for a large portion of her life and I couldn’t imagine how agonising his loss was compared to my relatively short time with Bellamy. “How are you holding up?” I breathed as I leaned in to her and she flinched as she noticed my concerned gaze.

“I’m fine, I’m still alive right.” She deflected without even glancing in my direction and I cleared my throat to prompt her to look at me. When she finally met my eyes, I furrowed my brows in sympathy and her controlled expression finally changed to reveal her vulnerability. “It sucks but I’m dealing with it. It’s easier with Murphy out of camp.” She confessed reluctantly and I couldn’t contain the furious glare that overtook my face.

“Murphy’s alive?” I snarled with more anger than intended and I battled to reign it in as she nodded in confirmation. This conversation wasn’t about my anger and I had to remind myself that I was here to support her.

“Yeah, he ran off with Jaha after he was pardoned. I think he could tell that he wasn’t wanted here.” She answered bitterly and I felt myself balling my fists under the strain of my anger. 

“Of course that little cockroach would find a way to keep going.” I growled under my breath before I paused to take a long, slow sigh and closed my eyes. I forced the feelings to the back of my mind with some difficulty and when I next opened my eyes, I found her smiling fondly at my reaction.

“There’s the Indie I remember.” She drawled with a glint of appreciation in her sad eyes and I chuckled as I organised the information away to deal with later. “How about you? Sounds like it was pretty rough for you guys in there?” She enquired with concern and I brushed her off. Although I was willing to discuss the events of Mount Weather if she wanted to know, I felt that it was inappropriate to burden her with my feelings when I’d been fortunate enough to get my family back.

“It wasn’t so bad. It was all cakes and clean clothes until they started killing us off. The worst part was thinking anyone who wasn’t there had died at camp. Now I get you all back, nothing else matters.” I smiled as I spoke earnestly and I noticed a flitter of pain cross her face. 

“Not  _ all _ of us.” She sighed and I felt immediately guilty. My intention had been to express that I understood how blessed I had been but it seemed to have come across as gloating instead. I sat awkwardly for a few moments as I considered how to address the loss with her and she returned to working to fill the silence. It was difficult to tell if it was wise to directly mention it, or if doing so would cause her more pain. I decided to wait until she bought it up and felt confident that she would confide in me if she needed to. I didn’t want to risk saying anything else that would worsen her suffering and considered what else we could catch up on to distract her.

“I saw Bellamy this morning.” She commented in a falsely casual manner and my eyes snapped back to her as she viewed me with a meaningful look.

“Good for you?” I stated suspiciously and watched with a knot forming in my stomach as her features contorted into a sly smile. The sensation of dread crept down my back as I wondered what he might have told her. Bellamy didn’t seem the type to intentionally gossip, but I knew that Raven was nosy enough to have weaned some information out of him without his notice.

“He’s been a total dick the last few weeks…” She trailed off as if giving me one final chance to confide in her, but when I didn’t take the offer she sighed in exasperation. “Seems like you fucked the attitude right out of him.” She crooned as she leaned towards me with a mischievous interest and I gasped at her brashness.

“ _ Raven _ !” I cried as I felt my cheeks flush hot and squirmed uncomfortably in my seat. “How did you know?” I whispered despite the fact that we were alone. Although I was happy to provide Raven with any distraction that she needed, this was not a conversation that I was willing to have with anyone.

“So it’s true! I knew it.” She breathed in a thrilled tone and I covered my face in embarrassment. I couldn’t believe that I’d fallen for her trick so easily and I felt my cheeks burning my hands. “Well apart from the obvious fact that he’s walking around like the cat that got the cream, Monty told me.” She confirmed as I uncovered my face to stare at her in open mouthed horror. “Don’t worry, he’s a total gossip but he’s not malicious. He only told me and Harper, we were invested in the run-up you know.” She explained and I sighed heavily in relief. It wasn’t a secret, but I was uncomfortable with the idea of the entire camp discussing our personal business. “So you finally got the booty, you made him wait long enough! Smart play.” She winked at me with a smugness that made me cringe and I groaned in regret.

“It’s not a play! I just rechecked my priorities after spending weeks grieving for him.” I stated in an effort to justify my actions and she shrugged at me as if equating them to the same thing.

“How was it?” She leaned in close to ask with devilish curiosity and I squirmed in my seat.

“Oh no, I absolutely know better than to go there!” I exclaimed as I got to my feet and waved my hands in front of me in refusal. “My lips are sealed.” I added firmly and she rolled her eyes.

“Tease.” She pouted and I couldn’t help but to laugh at her with fondness. Although she was exhausting, I had always enjoyed the simple upfront nature of her company and I treasured it more than ever after believing I had lost her.

***

With Abby’s words still replaying in my mind, I made several laps around camp in search of Bellamy but it seemed that he was still busy with Kane. In a desperate bid to divert my attention, I interrogated some of the unfamiliar faces in camp for the location of Monty and Jasper. I sought out their contained section of the dorms and the very moment that I stepped into the space, I was greeted by Monty’s eager face.

“ _ Oh hey _ Indie!” He chirped in an overly enthusiastic voice and I gulped as he smiled at me smugly. I hadn’t prepared myself for the fact that the last time he’d seen me I was naked and barely covered in Bellamy’s bed. I cleared my throat and fidgeted awkwardly on the spot as I steeled myself for his mockery. “Glad to see that you found some suitable clothes, I didn’t think Bellamy would have anything appropriate for you.” He commented with a disingenuous tone of concern as he sipped from a cup with a meaningful look in his eyes. I crossed my arms at him and he couldn’t stifle a laugh that caused him to choke on his drink. 

“That’s karma you little gremlin.” I remarked with a brow raised at him as he dried his face with a low chuckle.

“Worth it.” He breathed with a mischievous smile that warmed my heart. “I’m just glad to see you happy. It’s a good change.” He admitted as his voice softened and I was surprised by the kindness of his words. It seemed strange to talk in such a relaxed manner when almost every conversation we’d shared over the past three weeks had been hushed whispers and plans for survival.

“Thanks Monty. I feel like we’ve been given a second chance at life, I don’t wanna waste it.” I answered honestly and he nodded with a familiar expression of understanding. I’d always felt that Monty displayed a certain air of wisdom and I knew that if anyone would appreciate my determination to make the most of this chance, it was him. “Abby mentioned that Jasper wasn’t doing so well, I thought I’d check in on him.” I revealed and I noticed that Monty shifted awkwardly. I glanced around the space but wasn’t able to see any signs of Jasper and I returned my attention to Monty with confusion. He rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

“Yeah, he’s really not great.” He breathed and furrowed his brows in concern as he avoided my eyes. “He’s next door in bed. He’s been there pretty much since we got back.” He reported with a regretful manner and I shuffled on the spot as I considered this.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked worriedly and Monty shrugged. I hadn’t ever seen him look so lost and it caused a pang of pain in my chest.

“I don’t know Indie, he’s barely even speaking to anyone. He just cries and sleeps.” He mumbled and I sighed deeply. I hated the idea of him suffering and wracked my mind for something to suggest. “He blames us for Maya’s death and everyone else in the mountain. You weren’t involved, maybe he’ll talk to you. I know that he was worried about you when we got you back here. Could you try talking to him?” Monty suggested as if he were thinking aloud and I gulped nervously.

I was willing to do whatever was necessary to assist Jasper and I couldn’t deny that I sympathised with the way he felt at the moment. If I could help him out of the hole that I’d been in a few weeks ago, I’d do it gladly but I hardly considered myself innocent in the downfall of Mount Weather. If I’d been given the opportunity and resources, I’d have done despicable things to rescue our people. I nodded reluctantly in agreement and Monty’s shoulders visibly relaxed in response. 

He led me to the door and opened it to reveal a dark bedroom behind. I entered carefully and struggled to make out Jasper’s curled up form in the low light. I stifled a gasp at the state of him as he leaned up to view me. His hair was ruffled and fell in front of his sore, red eyes. I approached him carefully and was relieved to find a slight smile in the corners of his mouth.

“Indie, you’re okay.” He breathed in a flat, lifeless tone and I felt my brows knit together in worry. The young man that sat before me was barely the shell of the humerus, kind person that I knew and I recognised the familiar look of overwhelming grief. My heart ached for him and it drew me closer to settle on the bed beside him. I tenderly brushed the hair back from his face as I examined him in concern.

“Yes, I’m fine. How are you coping, sweetness?” I asked gently and his eyes filled with fresh tears. I didn’t hesitate for a moment in pulling him into a tight hug and he cried on my shoulder. I rubbed a hand soothingly on his back whilst he wept and wished that I could take his pain away. We stayed in this position for what seemed like forever and I allowed him all of the time that he needed to compose himself.

“How do I keep going?” Jasper whispered in a small voice that I wouldn’t have heard if we weren’t wrapped up in each other. I leaned back with a heavy sigh and gently dried his tears as he’d done for me when I was suffering.

“I’m hardly the poster child for good mental health Jasper.” I commented with a light smile as he stared back at me as if I were the only thing keeping him off the edge. I wasn’t sure how to answer this question. I’d been where he was but I acknowledged that I only survived because of my focus on keeping us safe and as much as it pained me to admit, because Cage hadn’t allowed me to die. If we had truly been safe in Mount Weather, I doubted that I’d ever have been able to leave quarantine and struggled to think of any wisdom I could share to help him.

“You’re the only one who gets it.” He breathed with a desperate, pleading look and my chest tightened. I reflected on the feelings that I’d experienced when I was still trapped in the white room and battled to formulate a lesson from my pain.

“Find something to focus on. It was easier for me because I had all of you and I still cared about what happened to you, you were all I had left. I can’t suggest a focus for you but you need to find one, something other than the way you feel right now.” I advised as I recalled how Monty and Jasper’s encouraging faces pulled me from my despair. “You and Monty got me through, I had you to lean on and I really don’t think I’d be here now without you. I’m here to do the same for you Jasper. You’re not alone, you can lean on us. Monty and I-” I started to speak but he scoffed before cutting me off with a low voice.

“Monty is part of the reason that Maya isn’t here. He helped to prepare the order for Bellamy and Clarke to kill hundreds of people. How can he help me?” He drawled and I shuffled awkwardly in place. I tried not to feel aggravated by his words as I remembered how unpredictable my emotions were and how I would lash out at people when I was at my worst. I understood that he was grieving and although our opinions differed on events at Mount Weather, he was still my friend that I wanted to take care of. We could discuss our differences when he was more stable.

“All I’m saying is don't isolate yourself Jasper. I’m here for you and although she may be different from how we remember her, I know that Octavia cares about you too. Lean on us, let us support you.” I pleaded and he rubbed at his eyes with evident exhaustion. “I can’t tell you what your focus should be, you’ll know it when you feel it. Perhaps for now you could just try to make the most of the second chance you’ve been given if the cost is causing you so much upset?” I suggested nervously and I noticed that his brows furrowed together. He was clearly unsettled by my words, but he didn’t say anything else and I stayed quietly at his side.


	40. Rᴇғʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴs

The afternoon passed quickly as I milled around camp in a vain effort to memorise it’s layout. After my encounter with Jasper I felt heavy and emotionally drained and had eventually left him to sleep. There was no sign of Bellamy anywhere on my exploration through camp and I struggled to keep myself distracted as my frustration with him mounted in my mind. I carried an overpowering feeling of anxiety as I considered how unprepared I was to rejoin camp and I felt alienated from the other residents. Abby’s conversation had given me a painful awareness of how little I knew of the current situation and I was afraid to ask any questions in case I accidentally upset someone who had been involved in some of the recent losses. The sensation of treading on eggshells haunted me as I wandered the courtyard and observed all of the new faces that made it difficult to feel that I belonged here. Despite all of the pain and loss of our original camp compared to the much improved time that I’d already spent here, I couldn’t deny that a small part of me longed for the familiarity of the territory that we had built for ourselves. Over our traumatic time on Earth, the first camp had become the home where we solidified our bonds and it seemed strange not to return there.

As the light faded to dusk I directed myself to Bellamy’s quarters with worry blossoming in my chest and was relieved to find that he had already returned for the day. He was in the process of changing clothes and as he clocked my entrance, he smiled with a playful look.

“I was wondering when you’d find your way back. I couldn’t find you in the dorms.” He revealed as he busied himself with seeking out a fresh shirt and it was clear that he was completely relaxed in my company. I stepped further into the room and leaned against a desk in an attempt to act casual.

“I wasn’t sure when you’d be free. Kane seems to have kept you busy.” I commented idly and he hummed in response. He finished dressing and ran a hand through his scruffy hair before he strolled over to meet me with a fond smile.

“What did you get up to ?” He checked with an obvious interest and I caught him staring at my figure as if he was analysing me. I hoped that my building concern was not visible to him as I suppressed a nervous feeling in my stomach.

“I checked up on Jasper and Raven. It was nice to get back in touch.” I answered as I stalled to allow myself the time to decide how to address my queries and he smiled in a way that revealed he was unaware of any warnings in my  demeanour . “Abby called me in for a checkup too.” I added and he flinched at the mention of the new Chancellor.

“How much trouble are we in?” He enquired with a playful tone to his voice and his eyes glistened with mischief as he explored my body.

“None. The wound is a little inflamed but healing well. Nothing more than a light scold from Abby either.” I confirmed and he sighed lightly in relief. He stepped closer into my space and I recognised from the way that his eyes ravished me exactly where his mind was going. I cleared my throat and scrutinised him for any signs of avoidance. I know that he was likely to brush me off and prepared myself to analyse him for tells that would indicate his true feelings. “She filled me in on some other things too.” I stated in an indirect method of steering the conversation and he hummed disinterestedly as he surveyed me, biting his lip suggestively. “She told me about Clarke.” I disclosed and I noticed that his posture stiffened as his eyes met mine. I raised a brow at him inquisitively and he stepped back from me as he slid his hands into his pockets.

“Of course she did.” He sighed and dropped his attention to his feet to avoid my gaze. “She was pretty messed up after Mount Weather. She couldn’t deal with coming back to camp. I tried to convince her but…” He trailed off as his focus remained on the floor and he fidgeted his feet. I sighed as I sensed that there was more to this than he was saying and steeled myself in preparation for a difficult conversation.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I queried in a small voice and he reluctantly dragged his face up to meet my eyes.

“I didn’t want to dwell on it. Indie, I just got you back, I wanted to enjoy that for as long as possible.” He explained defensively and I smiled at him fondly as I enjoyed the acknowledgement that I knew him well enough to have anticipated his reasoning. 

“Look, things haven’t been great here. I know that we both have to face that eventually, but when it’s just you and I...it’s easy.” He added with a doting expression as he surveyed me and I felt a flutter in my chest at his words.

“Yeah, I get it.” I admitted quietly and I noticed that his shoulders relaxed slightly at my confirmation that I felt the same. “It sounds like it was a tough call for the two of you. Are you dealing with it okay?” I investigated worriedly and he forced a smile that I could tell was disingenuous as it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m fine. Thanks to you, I take responsibility for my decisions now.” He expressed and although I was pleased to hear that my support in the past had played a part in his growth, I couldn’t deny the lingering feeling that his response was inauthentic. I shifted on the spot as I raised a brow at him and moved slightly closer to thoroughly examine him.

“You’d tell me if you weren’t okay, right?” I muttered in a careful tone and I noticed a slight nervous expression cross his face in a split second.

“You know that I would.” He remarked with defensiveness evident in his voice and I could easily identify the annoyance in his expression at my continued doubt. When I still didn’t say anything to indicate that I believed him, he scoffed and fidgeted with frustration. “What do you want me to say? I made the decision to kill those people. It was a shitty choice but I did it. They had Octavia and I knew that they had you somewhere, it came down to killing them or standing by whilst they killed you both. I don’t regret my decision.” He insisted with an abundance of hand gestures as he spoke and I held my hands up in defeat.

“I understand Bellamy, I really do. I’d have done the same thing, I was considering far worse ideas. I’m not judging you for it at all, I swear. I just want to make sure that you aren’t going to walk out of camp one day like Clarke because you’re not really coping.” I explained and his expression finally softened as he met my concerned eyes. He bent into my space and cupped my jaw in his hand in a soothing manner.

“I’m not going anywhere Indie, especially not without you.” He breathed and stroked his thumb along my jaw in a way that made my heart race. “I’m good, I have everything that I need right here.” He confirmed as he inspected me with a contented expression. He gradually leaned closer to press his lips to mine in a kiss that absorbed me into him. As always, I was impressed at his ability to melt all of my fears away with his touch and I allowed myself to be swept away with him.

***

We laid wrapped up together in his bed and I felt as if I were in a state of bliss. I hadn’t expected to be in Bellamy’s quarters again tonight but I secretly harboured a deep relief that he didn’t seem to have immediately lost interest. We chatted comfortably for the evening about the people that we’d lost and Bellamy informed me that Fox had unfortunately been killed when they were all captured. We existed in a strange state of joint reflection as we discussed the events that had occurred back in our original camp and confessed that we’d have done things differently if we’d known that we would become separated. We shared laughter over the memories of better times and comforted each other for our regrets, before the conversation finally returned to current times.

Bellamy positioned himself leaning on the headboard of the bed in a relaxed state, the blankets draped carelessly over his lap with his chest bare and his black mop of hair ruffled. I sat opposite him with the blanket tucked under my arms to provide some coverage and leaned against him with my hip brushing his thigh.

“Kane’s got some radical ideas for camp. Sounds like he wants to reform the guard.” Bellamy stated absentmindedly and I raised my brows at him in surprise.

“I’d almost forgotten what life was like with the guards of the Ark.” I sighed, fidgeting on the spot as I considered the idea. I wasn’t sure how I felt about any of the norms from life on the Ark returning when everything in my life had developed to be vastly different and I wasn’t sure if I could fit back in the stifling society that had once been routine. 

“It’ll be different here. Abby’s a fair chancellor and she seems to respect our opinions.” He reassured me with genuine confidence in the woman who he’d clearly come to know well in our time apart and I met his eyes with concern. “From what I’ve seen Kane listens to her too. That’s more stable leadership than the Ark’s had in years.” He commented and I chuckled under my breath.

“I prefer the original camp leadership.” I smiled coyly at him and he chortled. He reached out to brush my hair behind my ear in a tender motion and I relished the way that he beheld me as if I were a sight that he couldn’t get enough of.

“Kane’s been assigning me jobs and asking for my opinion on things to do with our group.” He relayed in a manner that revealed this was bothering him and I tilted my head at him in interest. “With Clarke gone, he’s treating me like the official spokesperson of the 100.” He added with a hint of bitterness and I brushed a hand on his thigh fondly to draw his attention.

“They look up to you Bel. They always have, even before you saved them from the mountain.” I remarked and my words caused him to sigh deeply. “I know it’s not easy, but you don’t have to take it on. We have leaders from the Ark now, if you want to just be a regular camper from now on, that’s fine. I know I’d be happy to take a step back, yours are big shoes to fill.” I admitted as I recalled my strenuous time as a leader whilst in captivity and he made a sympathetic expression as he observed me.

“You sure about that?” He asked with a sly smile that caused me to watch him with suspicion. “It’s not in your nature to follow orders Love, and I can’t just sit back when things are happening.” He detailed teasingly and I felt a small flutter in my chest at the pet name, but tried not to overreact to it.

“I’d be fine, I don’t need to follow orders to not be in charge.” I pouted defensively and I noticed amusement glittering in his eyes. “Besides, I’m quite content to stay in this little bubble, just the two of us. You’d get bored in no time.” I drawled absentmindedly and hoped that he didn’t notice the pang of vulnerability in my words. He raised a brow at me and sat forward to take my face in his hands.

“You think I'll get bored of following my assigned role all day, staying out of the big decisions and arguments?” He suggested as he stared deeply into my eyes and I nodded lightly. “As long as I can come back to this at night, what am I missing?” He breathed as he pulled us together to meet my lips and sent my head spinning at the adoration that radiated through his kisses. It was almost impossible to be insecure when I was under his gaze and I couldn’t deny the impact of his touch, which seemed to be just as addictive to him as it were to me.

***

Throughout the night my mind was filled with images of Mount Weather and the people that resided there. I was reminded of those whose lives I had ended: the guards in the hall, the guard that I stabbed when chasing the alarms and most vividly, the guard in the hazmat suit. The process of his torture replayed in painful detail in my mind and it was agonising to watch even though they were my own actions. I woke repeatedly in a cold sweat and was relieved that Bellamy seemed to be sleeping too deeply to notice.

By the time that I woke in the morning I was exhausted and bleary eyed. I sat up with a start when I realised that Bellamy was gone and scanned the room in a panic stricken state. My gaze landed on a note on the bed and I snatched it with shaking hands.

KANE SENT FOR ME, DIDN’T WANT TO WAKE YOU. GET SOME REST X

My eyes scanned through the scuff handwriting quickly before I dropped it with a pang of disappointment. I stretched my limbs out with a yawn and could already feel the sharp edges restlessness in my mind urging me forward. Despite my best efforts to return to some sorely needed sleep, the moment that I closed my exhausted eyes my mind was filled with the terrified face of the guard with a screwdriver protruding from his thigh. I bolted out of the bed to find my clothes in a determined stomp to distract myself and rushed to dress, fix my hair and leave the room.

I wandered the camp in search of Octavia but I couldn’t seem to locate her in any of the rooms or dorms. I was directed to her quarters by camper but from what I could tell of the empty space it was practically unused. The courtyard was strangely empty as I stood considering where else I could search when I caught sight of her near the edge of camp. My approach to her was rushed as I found her layering up, seemingly preparing to leave and I caught her arm in a bid to halt her.

“Hey! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” I chirped in an effort to hide the stress that I was feeling and she immediately turned to face me with an obvious scrutiny filling her pretty face.

“What are you doing up? Shouldn’t you still be resting?” She questioned as she scanned me from head to toe in an assessing manner and I felt a brief resemblance of Bellamy in her protective mannerisms.

“I’m fine, Abby cleared me for camp duty. I feel great, I’m ready to get back to normal.” I confirmed and she raised a brow at me in suspicion. “Are you going somewhere?” I asked as I glanced past her to examine the courtyard for any gatherings but I couldn’t see anyone else who seemed to be preparing to leave with her.

“I’m going to meet Lincoln.” She commented with a subtle smile that would have been easily missed by anyone else, but I caught it. It was still strange to see her dressed in full grounded attire and I recognised that her whole  demeanour had changed to be more controlled.

“Lincoln’s still around? You must be pleased.” I crooned with a smug expression and she rolled her eyes at me. Although she tried to act cool, I could recognise the familiar playful glimmer in her eyes. “Everything is so different here, even you.” I sighed as I studied her and her firm expression finally softened.

“You missed a lot, I know it can’t be the easiest adjustment.” She stated with a sympathetic smile and I was glad to find that she understood my situation as usual. “But nothing has changed with us. No matter how different I am, you’re still my girl.” She breathed as she punched me gently on the arm and I chuckled under my breath. She seemed thoughtful for a minute as she examined me and I knew that she could probably see through any defences that I tried to raise. “Why don’t you come with me?” She suggested and I raised a brow at her in surprise.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a third wheel to your date.” I remarked with a mischievous smirk and she tried to slap my arm but I dodged, much to her annoyance. 

“It’s not a date, we’re gathering supplies. It’s a long ride, it’ll be a couple of days at least until we’re back. It could be a nice change for us to catch up if you’re up to it?” She enquired as she glanced down at my stomach and I fidgeted under her examination.

“Of course, when do we leave?” I responded keenly and she chuckled as she shook her head.

“I’ve got to finish collecting supplies and get the horses ready, then I’ll be leaving. It should be a simple run but it’s better to be prepared. Get whatever you need and meet me back here.” She commanded and I nodded gratefully in response.

Following her directions, I found my way to the armoury to check out a pistol and dagger. There was an immediate surge of relief as I stowed them in their familiar place on my belt and I felt an anxiety that I hadn’t even noticed settle at the security of the weapons. I collected some extra rations, water and some basic medical supplies just in case. The newfound maturity in Octavia was a welcome change and I was pleased that the grounder culture had clearly taught her not to treat someone as wounded. It was refreshing to have someone trust my judgement about what I was ready for, instead of coddling me as everyone else seemed to be determined to do. I entered Bellamy’s room with an unexpected buzz of excitement for the journey. I anticipated that it would be empty as I returned to collect a warmer undertop and planned to leave a note for Bellamy to avoid his disapproval for my decision to leave. 

Instead, I discovered that he was wandering the space as if he were preparing for something and I stopped in my tracks as he clocked me. I knew that it was impossible to avoid the argument now as he assessed me with a cocked brow and I shifted awkwardly.

“Hey, sorry I ran out earlier, Kane’s got me organising training for the new guard.” He reported as he strode over to place a light kiss on my cheek before returning to scouring the room. I behaved casually as I strolled over to take a long sleeved jersey top and placed it over my vest, wrapping the jacket over the top. “I think he wants to get some of our group trained better too, or at least able to defend themselves. After everything they’ve survived so far, it’s not such an awful idea.” He continued speaking in a relaxed tone and I was relieved that he didn’t seem to have noticed my movements. “Where did you sneak off to?” He purred suddenly and I jumped as he appeared behind me. I was surprised as he pulled me into him until my back met his chest and his arms threaded around my body. His head settled on my shoulder and I gulped nervously.

“I wanted to check on Tavi.” I answered lightly and felt his smile against my cheek. My heart started to beat faster as I considered how to approach the subject of leaving and I felt him stiffen as his hand brushed down to my waist.

“You’re all armed up again.” He commented in a forced tone of calm but I could detect the suspicion in his voice. “I’m glad you’re protected.” He added in a manner that I knew was allowing the opportunity for me to confess and I felt my stomach lurch with guilt. I sighed deeply and felt an immediate change in his demeanour at my avoidant gesture. “Going somewhere?” He interrogated and I flinched at the disappointment in his tone.

“Octavia asked if I wanted to join her for a supply run.” I admitted quietly and I heard him scoff in annoyance. I stepped out of his embrace with a strong feeling of dread and turned to face him.

“You can’t seriously be considering it?” He breathed in disbelief and I shrugged at him avoidantly. “Indie, you had surgery a few days ago, do you really think you should be leaving camp?” He exclaimed in an exasperated tone and I peeked up at him guiltily.

“Come on Bel, I’m fine! I can’t just stay cooped up in here forever whilst everyone else works. I need to pull my weight.” I argued and he rolled his eyes at me with a long enduring aggravation. “Besides, it gives me a chance to catch up with her. I thought I lost her too, we could do with some time to reconnect.” I appealed in a desperate bid to gain his understanding and his expression finally softened from anger to concern.

“You couldn’t do that inside camp?” He suggested with a sulky frown and I smiled warmly at him. “I just got you back.” He whispered as his brows furrowed together in worry and I reached up to cup his face.

“It’s only a couple of days, I’ll be right back with you.” I promised with a reassuring tone but it didn’t seem to provide any relief. He continued to stare back at me with something in his eyes that revealed he had resigned himself to my leaving but he was visibly upset by this.

“I know better than to tell you what to do, especially if it involves my little sister. If I say no you’ll just sneak out.” He stated and I giggled at the huffy tone in his voice. “ _ Be careful  _ and don’t stay away too long.” He pleaded in a terrified voice and I smiled thankfully at him.

***

It took some considerable time to extract myself from Bellamy’s room and I suspected that he was purposely tempting me to stay. By the time I stepped outside, Octavia was waiting for me near the gates with the horses. I noticed that the camp was mostly empty and I wondered if she had purposely chosen a time when everyone was busy so that we could sneak away. I moved to stride out of the cover of the small buildings into the courtyard when something caught my arm and I whirled around to find Bellamy observing me with a deviant smile.

“Here, I snuck this out for you, hopefully you won’t need it.” He encouraged me back into cover and out of sight as he handed me a folded up shock baton. I regarded him sceptically and instead of waiting for me to accept, he tucked it into my pocket for me. I rolled my eyes at his protectiveness but I couldn’t deny that a small part of me enjoyed it.

“Couldn’t you get in trouble for that? I can’t imagine they have many of those left.” I enquired with pursed lips and he shrugged carelessly at me. I chuckled lightly at his attitude, causing him to perceive me with an expression of enamoured wonder. The fear that he struggled to hide was obvious in his eyes and I attempted to lighten the mood between us. “You won’t even notice I’m gone, you have guards to train.” I remarked playfully but he maintained the seriousness of his look. Instead of playing along with my comments, he took my face in both hands and stared intensely into my eyes.

“I’ll notice.” He asserted before guiding me close to him and planting a lingering kiss on my lips. One of his hands threaded into my hair whilst the other rested comfortably on my hip. I couldn’t help drifting into him and I felt his indulgent smile through the kiss. It was impossible to retain any focus whilst my senses were lost in him and I noticed that all feelings of urgency faded away. It was cruelly tempting to remain with him and I knew that he was carefully measuring every addictive connection of ours lips to make me reconsider. I tried to force myself to step away but my body wasn’t responding as I remained magnetised to the spot. I felt the all too familiar flutter in my chest and started to get light headed from the thrill. Eventually, I managed to tear myself from him and he groaned in disappointment as we separated. 

“I have to go.” I stated breathily and he viewed me through aroused eyes. I bit my lip in an attempt to control the temptation and I knew that he had noticed it. There was a clear smugness in the way that he observed me and I knew that he was proud to have this uncontrollable effect on me.

“Do you  _ have _ to?” He suggested in a low voice and I sighed as I glanced at him with an amused expression. It was a constant internal battle to remind myself that I could come back to his bed any time and he knew that my commitment to this mission was wavering.

“I’ll see you in a few days.” I muttered as I stepped away from him hesitantly and moved into the open part of camp before he could take any more extreme measures.

Although we’d been mostly hidden from view, it was evident from the moment that I set eyes on Octavia that she had been able to see us together from where she stood. She crossed her arms and examined me with a smug expression. I strained not to blush as I shuffled over to her awkwardly. I willed myself not to glance back over my shoulder as I noticed that her suggestive smile was now directed behind me and I knew in my gut that Bellamy was still observing me. I approached the horse nervously as I realised that I would have to be careful in mounting it; if I showed any hint of struggle I knew that Bellamy would rush over to insist that I wasn’t well enough.

“All set?” Octavia asked and I knew from the tone that she spoke in that she understood my dilemma. She glimpsed between me and the horse with a knowing look and I cleared my throat awkwardly.

“Yep.” I asserted with a forced tone of confidence and she wandered over in a relaxed movement to assist me. 

It was a challenge to behave as if this were normal when I honestly had no idea how to mount a horse, without adding the stress of the still healing bullet wound. Thankfully Octavia knew exactly what she was doing and between us I managed to get into position. She gave me a crash course on riding and I was appreciative of the information, even if I felt immensely under-prepared to actually use it. There was the twinkle of a proud smile on her lips before she moved to climb onto her own horse and I could feel Bellamy’s eyes burning into the back of my head.

Now that I was settled safely in place I risked glancing back, only to find him watching me with a painful concern. His posture was incredibly tense, as if it was taking every last drop of self control for him not to intervene. Octavia appeared beside me on her horse and her eyes followed my line of sight to Bellamy. She raised a brow at his worried demeanour before returning her smug face to me.

“You sure you’ve wrapped things up here?” She crooned as she indicated back to him and I kicked myself as I felt my cheeks burning at her insinuation.

“Let’s go.” I uttered coldly and she chuckled at me with a relaxed nature that I hadn’t seen in her since we reunited. “Take it slow for me.” I requested quietly and she nodded in acknowledgement.

Now that I was faced with it, the prospect of spending two days on a horse caused nerves to pool in my stomach as I worried that my body might not manage the exertion. It was more strenuous than I’d imagined to even just keep my balance and the last thing that I wanted to do was fall off before I’d even left Bellamy’s sight. We moved slowly out of camp and into the open fields. 

Once we were out of his anxious view I started to feel relaxed. I enjoyed the feeling of the wind in my hair, the vivid smells of the forest and it felt like a dream to be gently trotting side by side with my best friend. I peeked over at her sitting on the horse with a well practised posture, her beautiful brunette locks neatly plaited with only the middle of her mane loosely draped over her shoulders. It was obvious to me how much she’d grown in the brief time that we’d been apart and I reflected on the strangeness of the result that meeting Lincoln had actually improved her. As I considered the unexpected nature of their relationship, she sighed thoughtfully and I could tell from her face that she was also reflecting. She cleared her throat before bringing her eyes to mine with a tiny hint of playfulness glinting there.

“Back in the Skybox I never would have imagined I’d see the day where you were banging my brother.” She remarked smugly and I cringed at the frankness of her words. All of my previous thoughts on her maturity and carefully controlled facade dissolved at her familiarly prying eyes.

“Don’t make it weird.” I drawled as I scrunched my nose into a grimace and tried not to consider the poignancy of her statement. She scoffed at me loudly and I could tell that she genuinely enjoyed having witnessed us kiss so that she could torture me.

“It’s already weird.” She commented and I shrugged in agreement. If I was honest, it’s not something I could ever have predicted back when it was just the two of us in our cells, but now that it had happened it seemed natural. “But honestly, it’s about time. You make each other smile, that’s good enough for me.” She confirmed with a heartfelt smile and I felt tears prickling my eyes. 

“Thanks babe.” I breathed as I quickly wiped them away and fixed her with a mischievous smile. “So, is Lincoln still  _ making you smile _ ?” I spoke suggestively and winked at her. I was delighted to earn a snort of laughter in response and it caused a warm wave of nostalgia to wash over me. 

“Fair enough.” She conceded as she met my eyes with amusement. “I guess I wouldn’t ever have seen myself with a grounder either.” She admitted with a far away gaze. “Shit’s been crazy since we got down here.” She added in a reflective tone and I hummed in agreement.

“You can say that again.” I muttered as I considered all that had happened in our time here. “We’ve lost a lot of people.” I declared as numerous faces flashed through my mind and I noticed her analysing me with concern.

“We’ve kept a lot alive too.” She acknowledged and I sighed in response. 

We trotted along in silence for a while, both lost to our thoughts and I was content to simply enjoy her presence. I reminded myself what I would have given for this kind of experience three weeks ago and tried to keep my attention in the moment so that I could treat it with the appreciation that it deserved. The sun dappled through the trees, casting Octavia in a beautiful, soft light and I felt my heart swell at her relaxed smile. It was a relief to discover that she was happy, despite everything we’d endured and I felt a strange sense of completion as I realised that I couldn’t think of anything else I could need in my life now. I followed her lead quietly and after some time I became aware of how strange it felt to simply follow her.

“You seem to know exactly where you’re going.” I stated an almost question and she surveyed me with a thoughtful look.

“I spent a lot of time out here with the grounders.” She revealed as she easily understood what I was getting at and I raised my brows at her. “Like I said, you missed a lot.” She added with a softer expression as she had to concentrate on relaxing her newly cold attitude and I sighed.

“Yeah, it seems like it. Everyone’s different, we’re in a camp that feels uncomfortably like the Ark and there are people gone who I have no idea how they died.” I detailed as I peeked over at her in frustration. “It feels like we don’t belong in this camp any more. So much has happened and none of you will discuss it.” I expressed with an honesty that I could only release around her and she sighed deeply.

“It’s hard for anyone to talk about, just like your experiences in Mount Weather. It was a bad time for everyone.” She explained and I nodded in acknowledgement. I could tell that she was contemplating what she could recount and I waited patiently for her to speak. “For me, you know I’ve been interested in the grounders' ways since I met Lincoln. It wasn’t intentional for me to join them, but the mountain took Lincoln and our camp was taking too long to act to save you all. So I tried to prove myself to his clan to get help.” She divulged as if it were the most obvious conclusion and I stared back at her in disbelief.

“Jesus Tavi, that was ballsy.” I gasped as I widened my eyes in horror at this idea. “How did that go?” I enquired with interest and was pleased that I hadn’t been around to witness this process.

“It was tough.” She admitted with a deep sigh and I found myself wondering exactly what she’d endured to succeed. “I had to take a lot of risks to prove that I was worth their time. Once I did though Indra took me on as her second and I joined Trikru.” She stated in an even tone and I struggled to process her words. The last time I’d seen a grounder they were breaking through our walls to murder us and the idea that Octavia was a part of any clan just didn’t fit with this memory. 

“You’re part of a grounder clan?” I grilled as I tried to wrap my head around the idea and struggled to remain neutral to her explanations. 

“I was.” She answered cryptically and I studied her with an ever growing confusion. “I learned so much from them. Indie, their ways are wiser and more balanced than anything we’ve ever had on the Ark. They have me a purpose, they let me prove myself based on my skill and they didn’t coddle me.” She explained with a heartfelt tone to her voice and I sighed in an effort to prevent myself from becoming defensive.

“I can see why you’d be attracted to that.” I admitted as I glanced around awkwardly and compared these statements to everything she had told me of her upbringing. If this was true, I could entirely understand why these kinds of methods would allow her to grow in the manner that she had, but I was still conflicted at the fact that this had happened under a grounder’s guidance. “How did you get a whole clan of the force that wants to wipe us out to take you in?” I probed as I analysed this information and found myself displaying an impressed smile.

“Earned their respect.” She confirmed in a vague statement and I examined her with a newfound pride as I appreciated the strength that she’d cultivated despite such difficult times. “Besides, it wasn’t a problem for too long. Clarke managed to form an alliance with the commander.” Octavia revealed and I felt my mouth drop open in shock at the absurdity of the statement.

“Anya? But I tried to kill her?” I questioned in a stutter and my panic caused a light chuckle from Octavia.

“Anya wasn’t the commander, she just led the unit whose territory we were in. And don’t worry about attacking her, the guards already shot her to death. Fucking idiots.” She grumbled under her breath and I was unsure how I felt about this discovery. “The grounder forces are larger than we ever imagined. The commander's name is Lexa, she’s extreme but not completely unreasonable. Clarke arranged a meeting and although there were sacrifices we had to make, she managed to secure an alliance to attack the mountain.” She relayed and I found my attention riveted to her as she recounted the events that I had missed. I could hardly comprehend the idea of an alliance and the fact that Clarke had apparently successfully secured one was blowing my mind. We rode in silence for a few moments as I processed the new information and I hesitantly questioned part of her statement.

“What kind of sacrifices?” I asked nervously and her gaze snapped to me with surprise. She sighed deeply at me as she considered her words and I awaited her answer with a building sense of dread.

“We had to hand over Finn.” She divulged as she kept her gaze from mine and I could tell that she was avoiding my prying eyes. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable with the fact that she had to explain this and I could hardly keep my disgust from my face.

“What?! Why? What could they possibly want from Finn? He was the biggest advocate for peace!” I exclaimed in a burst of rage and she flinched at the outrage in my tone. She bit her lip in consideration and stared out across the forest thoughtfully. My chest burned with anger as my mind frantically ran through any scenarios where this would be an acceptable outcome and instead found myself wondering how on earth Clarke could have agreed to such terms.

“He slaughtered an entire village of grounders Indie, innocent women and children included.” She revealed and my mouth dropped open in shock yet again. She fidgeted with the reins uncomfortably as I gaped at her and tried to fit her words into the image of the peace advocating, mediating person who I’d known. “He wasn’t the same person that you remember. Losing Clarke broke him, he did some terrible things to find her. Even Bellamy couldn’t stop him. We tried to find another way to compromise but Lexa considered it a war crime. They were about to declare war on us again and Finn snuck out to hand himself over. We couldn’t stop it.” She detailed with a far away look and I could hardly believe what I was hearing. 

It was difficult to comprehend the unexpected changes in the gentle Finn who I’d grown to respect and there was a wave of sadness that hit me as I considered that his decisions would forever change the perception we all had of him. I was struck by the realisation that this could just as easily have been Bellamy and I felt a surge of pride in the person that he’d become whilst searching for us. I reflected on the situation and compared the actions that I had taken inside Mount Weather to those that Finn had been held accountable for and wondered if I would be considered a war criminal too. 

“How did he die?” I questioned in a quiet voice as my stomach churned in dread and Octavia sighed reluctantly.

“The grounders wanted to punish him for every life he took, that’s their way. The army set up a public execution stage right in front of our camp. He would have suffered all night.” She began and I couldn’t contain my feelings longer.

“That’s barbaric!” I gasped as the mental image formed in my mind and I had to physically shake my head to remove it.

“I know it’s hard to accept because it’s Finn, but what he did was awful. The punishment was for an extreme crime Indie. You might not agree with it, but they did what they would to anyone who killed that many innocent people.” She explained and I had to swallow my disagreements. “Even so, none of us could stand to see him go through that. So Clarke stabbed him when she pretended to be saying goodbye.” She explained and I felt my hands shaking as I absorbed this. I felt an immense guilt for the way that I’d treated Clarke for all of this time as I imagined how agonising this situation must have been for her. I wasn’t sure that I could’ve done the same if it was Bellamy and I acknowledged the incredible strength that it must have taken to provide such a mercy.

“Shit.” I whispered with a heavy feeling in my chest and Octavia hummed in response. “No wonder Clarke needed time. I hope she’s okay.” I admitted with a deep feeling of remorse and she nodded in agreement.


	41. Vɪsɪᴏɴs Oғ Tʜᴇ Pᴀsᴛ

Octavia and I rode in silence for several hours through the dense forest as I tried not to obsess over the new information. I had never considered an alliance with the grounders to be possible and I had to admit that I was impressed with Clarke for accomplishing such a feat. Octavia’s words turned over in my mind as I attempted to match her assertions that the grounders had a better way of living to the ruthless tactics that I had witnessed from them and had difficulty imagining how we could possibly live in any semblance of harmony. I was amazed by the difference in Octavia and from what I had seen so far, she had only improved but I was unsure if I could be as adaptable. As Bellamy had said, I wasn’t good at following rules and I leaned heavily toward following my heart over my head.

As we explored the wilderness, I lost track of time and eventually the sun started to lower in the sky. Octavia led us to an area that she had clearly frequented before and assisted me from the horse. I almost fell as my weak legs met the ground and she noticed that I strained to keep my knees from buckling beneath me. She fixed me with a concerned look but refrained from commenting on it as I shook the mistake off. I was shocked by the suffocating exhaustion that I felt and settled onto a nearby log as Octavia busied herself with building a fire. After a brief rest, I dragged myself up to assist in setting up sleeping arrangements and prepared the space for the night. We sat side by side at the fire as the last of the sunlight sunk below the horizon and ate our rations in a comfortable silence under the wonderful colours of the sunset.

“So, what’s your hurry to get away?” Octavia’s sudden voice cut through the relaxed atmosphere and I flinched at her continued prying. “You don’t look like you’re fully ready for this and I’d have expected you to be glued to my brothers side right now.” She spoke in the distant tone that had become normal for her and I continued to be surprised by the bluntness of her words. I sighed thoughtfully before I could form an explanation.

“I need to feel useful, I can’t just sit in camp whilst everyone treats me like an invalid.” I drawled and she shrugged in understanding. Although this was part of my reasoning, I knew that I hadn’t been entirely honest with her and forced myself to share the root of the problem. “Don’t get me wrong, I could easily have stayed with Bellamy. But it’s probably best for him to realise straight away that I’m not just going to hide out in camp after all of this. He needs to get used to me being out of his sight.” I divulged and Octavia chuckled under her breath.

“Good luck with that.” She scoffed and I raised a bow at her inquisitively. “I've been trying to do that for years. He’s overprotective, it’s just who he is. If my tracking skills weren’t sharp enough to know better, I’d expect to find him following us.” She commented and I snorted in laughter at this idea. “Get some rest, we’ve got a lot more riding tomorrow.” She advised with a gentle nudge.

I spent the night tossing and turning on the cold, hard ground. I’d already become used to the soft bed of Bellamy’s quarters and without the comfort of his arms around me I couldn’t settle. My mind was filled with terrible images of the numerous people that I’d killed in Mount Weather and I was haunted with the overwhelming feeling of helplessness. I kept recalling the times that I’d been drugged, or captured and how I’d barely managed to fight for my life. The fact that my survival has seemed to hang so close in the balance made me feel weak and I bolted upright with a gasp.

It was unexpected to find that daylight was already breaking and that our supplies were packed to leave. I scanned the area to notice Octavia crouched by the fire sharpening her knife and the moment that she met my eyes, she efficiently stowed the knife in her belt and stood to hold a hand out to me. I allowed her to assist me to my feet and she inspected me with a hint of concern.

“I was about to wake you anyway, you were yelling in your sleep.” She explained in a tone that was prying as she raised a brow at me. I shuffled awkwardly on the spot and when it was clear that I had no intention of discussing it, she sighed. “We should move.” She instructed in her usual removed attitude and I nodded obediently.

We spent another couple of hours on horseback and the sights of the forest became less impressive in my tired state. I felt my waist beginning to ache from the strain of holding myself in the correct posture and my body was clearly demonstrating that the decision to make this journey had been unwise. I couldn’t help wondering how much longer this would take and found myself praying for the strength to make it back home. We slowed to a casual trot and I was glad of the reprieve from the bouncing motions of galloping. 

Octavia scanned the treeline suspiciously and just as I opened my mouth to question her, an arrow tore past me, barely missing my chest. I gasped and jolted backwards, causing the horse to throw me off. My back slammed onto the ground and I wheezed in shock as the impact knocked the wind from me. Octavia leapt from her horse and gripped my arm to gracelessly drag me into the trees. She dropped me against a tree trunk and although I leaned forward in an attempt to get up, I winced at a jolt of pain from my wound. Octavia drew her swords with a menacing expression and strode out to meet the small group that surged towards us with confident smiles.

She fell smoothly into a skid on her knees as she swiped the first two before leaping up behind them to finish them off. My mouth dropped open in shock at her finesse as she flowed around the confused group and eliminated them without even seeming to break a sweat. I felt my stomach flip as I noticed another small posse of attackers creeping up behind her and as I lurched forward onto my hands and knees with a cry of pain, I caught the sound of heavy footsteps. Barely moments later the familiar large statue of Lincoln burst through the trees to bulldoze the men sneaking up on Octavia. She turned and rolled over his back in a swift manoeuvre that looked like it came straight from an action movie and I struggled to comprehend exactly what I was seeing as they obliterated what remained of the enemies. Whilst Lincoln stalked the area to check for any stragglers, Octavia rushed over to my side and helped me to lean back against the tree.

“I knew it was too soon for you to be out here.” She scolded as she sharply pulled up my tops to inspect my wound.

“I’m fine, I just didn’t plan to be fighting for my life this soon.” I breathed with a light smile and her face softened once she had satisfied that I hadn’t done any damage. “Let’s just not mention this to Bellamy, I’ll never see the outside of camp again.” I suggested and I noticed a sly smile on her face as she caught my eyes.

“Deal, I don’t need a lecture either.” She smirked and I was immediately relieved that she’d been understanding. “There shouldn’t have been any fighting, what was that Lincoln?” Octavia commented over her shoulder as Lincoln’s hulking form approached.

“Ice nation. The commander is having issues bringing them into line after she allied with your people.” Lincoln explained and I noticed that her expression turned cold at his statement.

“Why? I thought it would be clear that the alliance is over after she left my people to die.” She growled with a bitterness that surprised me and my confusion was evident in my expression as I awaited an explanation. From my somewhat limited memory, it seemed that the grounders had played some role in our rescue and I was unsure how much of what I remembered was correct. 

“That’s as much as I could find out from the outside.” Lincoln confirmed in the controlled tone that always left me slightly mystified as to his meaning. Octavia signed with frustration as she considered me and I could tell that she was struggling to decide how to explain herself.

“The reason it took so long to rescue you all from the mountain, and why they had to resort to the radiation, is that Lexa made a deal with Cage to release all of the grounder captives in exchange for allowing him to keep you. She stood down her army and left only our forces behind, and even most of those gave up.” She recounted with a frustration evident in her body and I shook my head with a sigh.

“It’s a shitty thing to do but...I can see why she did it. I don’t know if I could’ve turned that offer down for my people.” I admitted and Octavia’s eyes widened in shock. “It explains what Bellamy mentioned about the plan going wrong at every step too.” I added thoughtfully.

“I refused to leave with Indra when the grounders retreated, that’s why I’m not her second anymore. Lincoln refused too. He actually escaped the grounders to help you all and now there’s a kill order on him for abandoning his unit.” She spoke bitterly and I shuffled in regret as I viewed the hurt in her face that she tried to cover. “No matter where our hearts are, neither of us can go back to Trikru.” She muttered and I furrowed my brows at her as she avoided my gaze.

“I’m sorry that rescuing us had such a high cost for you.” I whispered as I fiddled with my hands anxiously. It was already obvious to me how important her place with the grounders had become for her and I hated the thought that we had destroyed the one place that she felt like she belonged. She reached out to grip one of my hands and my gaze shot back up to her as she leaned into my space.

“It was worth it. I’d have given up whatever it took to save you.” She admitted with a squeeze of my hand and I smiled gratefully at her. She assisted me back to my feet whilst Lincoln busied himself with calming the horses.

“What was all of that anyway?” I asked as we fell into step together and she peeked at me in confusion. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. _ That. _ The crazy ninja shit you just did.” I revealed with a limited impersonation and I noticed a hint of amusement cut through her controlled expression.

“I already told you. I spent time with the grounders and trained with Indra.” She excused as she glanced away awkwardly and I scoffed at her poor explanation.

“Right, okay. Sorry I missed the part where you told me you’d become fucking Xena the warrior princess.” I drawled, earning a snort of laughter from Octavia that warmed my heart with nostalgia.

“I don’t even know what that is, but coming from you I know it’s probably some nerd shit. Loser.” She teased with a jab to my upper arm and I smiled at her fondly.

I was relieved when we finally reached our destination and completed the collection of medicinal herbs and various other supplies that Octavia stressed were worth the journey. My exhausted body rejoiced when her and Lincoln announced that we could head home and my heart leapt in anticipation of seeing Bellamy again soon. Although it had only been a day that we'd been apart, since the trials of Mount Weather I found that even short periods of separation gave me anxiety and I struggled not to concede to my newly clingy desires. Whatever was between us was still new and from what I’d seen of Bellamy’s romantic life so far, he didn’t seem to like to be crowded. I’d always considered myself an independent person anyway and I refused to allow my trauma to change that.

Although I enjoyed witnessing the way that Octavia’s eyes sparkled with delight around Lincoln, it only worsened my desire to hurry home when we made camp for the night and they snuggled up together to sleep. Despite the exhaustion that had been constantly hanging over me since I left camp, I struggled to drift to sleep and mostly stared up at the stars as I reflected on all of the information that I’d received in the last 24 hours. I could hardly process all of the events that had occurred in camp and the difference in people was starting to make sense. 

I must have eventually fallen asleep as I recounted every time that I’d been helpless since my arrival on Earth. I relived every fight that I’d barely survived, all of the people I’d been unable to overpower and the countless beatings that I’d endured. my heart hammered as I jolted awake and I was relieved to find Octavia stirring from sleep too. I occupied myself with packing up the contents of camp as she had done yesterday and by the time that the lovebirds were prepared to leave, I was reaching a desperation that was difficult to conceal. Octavia wandered over to the horses with a yawn and scanned me with an analytical expression.

“We’d better get you back before Bel completely loses his mind.” She commented with a hint of amusement and I tried to force a laugh to avoid her scrutiny. She kissed Lincoln goodbye and we mounted the horses in a comfortable silence. I felt a wave of relief the moment that we set off towards camp and looked forward to not being on horseback for a while. “Lincoln is careful not to be seen near Arkadia.” Octavia divulged and I nodded at her sympathetically. “It’s much harder to spend time together now, but we’ll manage. I’ll figure out a way for us to return to the grounders. I got their approval once, I can do it again.” She added with determination and I hummed thoughtfully.

“Do you think…” I blurted before I had fully decided if I wanted to ask this question and cleared my throat awkwardly as she cocked a brow at me with interest. I reflected on the nightmares that I’d been having recently and could still sense the lingering helplessness at the back of my mind. “When you do join the grounders again, do you think Indra would teach me too?” I asked and Octavia’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Why would you want that?” She interrogated suspiciously and I instinctively knew that she thought I was trying to check on her, as Bellamy always did. I sighed as I considered how to explain my feelings without revealing more than I felt comfortable discussing. 

“I need to be able to fight better, like you. I’ve almost been killed way too many times now, I can’t keep waiting for rescue like a damsel in distress.” I detailed and she shrugged in agreement. She glanced out at the trees thoughtfully and I waited patiently for an answer.

“She won’t accept you as you are now. You’ll have to fight, show that you can endure and, no offence, you’re not exactly in the best shape for that right now.” She analysed as she returned her view to me and I shrugged in defeat. “Indra will not just teach you to fight though. If you want her to invest time into you, you need to be willing to adapt to her ways. She will expect you to become a grounder, in every sense. I had to learn at least some of the language, I knew how to show respect and I didn’t question my orders. Can you do that?” She interrogated with a stare that chilled me to my core. I knew that I couldn’t blame her for questioning me, she knew me better than I knew myself and it wasn’t in my nature to be obedient.

“I can promise to try.” I conceded and although she sighed in a disappointed manner, I spotted a fond smile as she shook her head at me. “It's something that I need, so I’ll put in the work. From what you’ve said of your experiences it sounds like there are parts of it that I’ll get along with anyway.” I pondered and she nodded in understanding.

“Fine, for now Lincoln and I will start to train you, but I need to see that you are working hard. I won’t present the idea to Indra until I’m convinced that you’re ready.” She detailed firmly and I smiled appreciatively at her.

“That’s completely fair, I don’t want to humiliate you.” I agreed in an even tone and I noticed that her shoulders relaxed slightly at my confirmation that I understood. I had no intention of tarnishing the reputation that she’d fought for and could honestly say that I was willing to commit to this idea.

“And I want this agreement to stay between us too. I don’t want Bellamy breathing down my neck about _ converting _ you.” She ordered in a firm voice that revealed more concern that she intended and I shifted awkwardly under her scrutiny.

“I don’t know if I can agree to that Tavi.” I muttered as her gaze shot at me in surprise. “I don’t feel right about lying to him. He’s more understanding than you give him credit for.” I presented my case as well as I could whilst feeling that I wanted to disappear into the ground under her disbelieving expression and she scoffed.

“You’ve got it so bad.” She crooned as her playful smirk returned and I felt my cheeks turning pink. I quickly scrambled to think of something I could say to draw the conversation away from my feelings and instead directed her to the difficult logistics of this plan.

“Where would I even say I was going?” I suggested and she shrugged as she conceded. “You said it yourself, he’s overprotective. If I keep creeping off somewhere, he’s going to figure it out in no time and then he’ll be pissed. It’s better to just be honest upfront.” I calculated and she chuckled lightly as she shook her head at me.

“Fine. But _ you _ can convince him, you’re good at that.” She commented with a smug expression.

The rest of the journey was quiet and slow. I didn’t initiate any conversation as I focused on conserving my energy so that I wouldn’t suddenly drop off the horse in exhaustion and Octavia seemed content to remain lost in thought. Every part of my body ached and I realised that the lack of care for myself in Mount Weather had taken a toll on me. If I was to be successful in training then I would need to build some muscle, which would require proper meals and ensuring that I slept enough to recover from the exertion. I had forgotten what it was like to have routines and to invest in myself, but now that life had returned to normal I acknowledged that I needed to treat myself with kindness. I knew that Bellamy would be furious with me if he realised how little I’d truly listened to the needs of my body since waking in the new camp. Mentally, I resolved that once this journey was over, I would be less self punishing and would be honest with others about my limits. 

I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I recognised the field outside of the gates of our new camp and knew that I would soon be gazing into the comfort of Bellamy’s warm, whisky eyes. Octavia glanced at me with a smug smile and I tried to conceal my joy.

“I know this has been tough on you, more than you want to tell me. You made it though, you can still survive out here. I’m glad that I got a chance to show you that.” She breathed with an encouraging tone before the twinkle of mischief returned to her eyes. “Nearly back to him, you did well to manage a whole two days apart.” She winked teasingly as I glared back.

We approached the gates slowly and I was glad to find that although there were people milling around, there wasn’t a crowd to witness our return. I felt myself becoming light headed from the energy that it took to keep myself on the horse as the gates opened to allow us inside. We trotted into the courtyard and I noticed the workers part to allow Bellamy to rush through to greet us. Octavia quickly hopped down as I slowed to a stop and considered whether I had the strength remaining to safely dismount.

“Thank god, you’re back.” Bellamy breathed in a heavy relief as he pulled Octavia into an embrace that she quickly shook off. I shuffled on the horse as I struggled to twist my legs to the same side ready to hop down and Bellamy jogged over to assist me. Before I could protest, he reached up to place his hands on my hips and supported me to the ground gently. I smiled thankfully at him as he obsessively checked me over and basked in the simple pleasure of the sight of him. “You look tired.” He commented as he met my eyes with concern and I forced a smile in response.

“I’m fine. Glad to be home.” I stated as I flashed him a meaningful look and he nodded in acknowledgement. I wanted to tell him how tough it had been, how I had realised that I wasn’t fully recovered yet but this wasn’t the place for that conversation. As my gaze roamed him, I realised that he also appeared to be tired and his hands shook lightly in place on my shoulders. I could tell that my absence had been challenging for him too and I was surprised by his nervous behaviour. “I’m okay Bel.” I emphasised, causing the knit in his brow to finally release. He removed his grip on my shoulders and cleared his throat as he stepped out of my space. I glanced around to notice several of the members of camp had stopped to observe our return, including Harper who smiled at us with amusement.

“I know.” He remarked as he fidgeted in an effort to seem relaxed. “You need to give your weapons back, they want to keep track of them here. I’ll catch up with you at my quarters later.” He informed, before he reluctantly strode away. Octavia chuckled at him under her breath and shrugged at me.

“Good luck selling him on you spending more time out of camp.” She laughed and took hold of the reins of the horses with a knowledgeable confidence. “I’ll take them back to the stable, you look like you could do with a nap.” She ordered as she wandered off and I remained rooted to the spot.

I glanced around at the people who busied themselves in the courtyard and found myself desperately searching for something that could distract me from my temptation to collapse into the safety of Bellamy’s bed. It was only mid afternoon and I felt that I still needed to make myself useful. I rubbed at my eyes as a yawn escaped my lips and my tired legs moved to lead me towards sleep without awaiting a conscious decision. The journey to his quarters was a blur as I shuffled along in a delirious state and practically fell through the door into the room. I knew that Bellamy was likely to be busy for at least the next few hours and although I’d prefer his soothing presence whilst I slept, I wasted no time in dropping into the bed. I wrapped myself in the covers that fortunately still carried his familiar scent and drifted straight to sleep.

My mind was still plagued with the same chilling nightmares of the past few nights and when I next woke, I didn’t feel at all rested. I could tell from the low light in the room that I’d been asleep at least a few hours and although I only felt a slight difference to earlier, I dragged myself back into camp. I followed Bellamy’s orders to return my weapons to our armoury, other than the shock baton which I ensured to keep hidden from sight. After a brief conversation with some campers, I discovered that Bellamy was currently instructing guard training and would be required to attend a debriefing afterwards. Instead of sulking over his absence, I busied myself with some simple tasks that would not contradict Abby’s orders for light labour only. 

It was a struggle to keep my attention on the job as my head grew heavy and it was a continued effort to stay standing. I knew that I needed sleep, a full proper night of sleep but I didn’t want to ask for help until there was no other choice. I mentally asserted that I just needed Bellamy to be able to sleep properly and that by tomorrow morning I would be fine. As the daylight faded from the sky I felt my eyes often drifting closed, despite my strain to keep working under the weak lanterns and eventually I had to concede that it was time to quit.

I was disappointed that I hadn’t seen Bellamy return yet as I wandered to his quarters and the feeling only intensified when I stepped inside to find him absent. A bitter sigh escaped my lips as I accepted that I couldn’t battle to remain awake any longer. It was a struggle to get undressed through the heaviness of my limbs and as I carefully placed my clothing on a chair, leaving me in only my vest and pants, Bellamy entered the room behind me. He broke into a relieved smile at the sight of me and I couldn’t deny how pleased I was to see him. He wandered into the space and started to remove the new guard jacket that he wore. 

“Hey, I didn’t expect to be back this late. Kane kept us hanging on in a briefing.” He commented idly as he kicked off his boots and generally made himself comfortable. I watched him through bleary eyes with a pang of desperation as I longed for his comfort and the moment that glanced up at me, his expression changed to concern. “What’s wrong?” He queried with a jagged voice and his worried eyes drew from me the emotion that I battled to conceal. I rushed forward to embrace him and threw my arms around his waist as I buried my face in his chest. He jolted in surprise but immediately pulled me into him and rested his cheek on my head. One of his arms wrapped around me whilst the other hand stroked my hair in a soothing manner and I felt a lump rising in my throat.

“I’m just...I’m glad to be back with you.” I breathed against him and felt him nod in agreement. I reflected on my promise to myself on the way back from my journey with Octavia to be more honest and involuntarily felt myself gulp as I considered the idea. “I’m so exhausted I can hardly stand.” I confessed in a quiet voice and I felt him tense at my words.

“Too spoiled with beds to sleep on the ground any more Love?” He teased, although his tone was too forced to properly cover his alarm. I couldn’t bring myself to lie to him and struggled to produce a way to explain my fears without descending into topics that I wasn’t ready to discuss yet. When I didn’t respond in time, Bellamy pushed me backwards to scrutinise my face but kept his hands protectively on my shoulders. I felt even more incapable of speaking with his gaze burning into me.

“Hard to drop off without you.” I whispered as I avoided meeting his eyes. I attempted to pass my reaction off as merely embarrassment but I knew that he sensed my vulnerability.

“Well, that’s an easy fix.” He stated as he released me from his gasp to quickly undress. He took my hand to lead me to the bed and we climbed in together. Without a moment of hesitation, he guided me into place so that my back was against his chest and wrapped me tightly in his arms. His hair tickled my cheek as he leaned forward to place a lingering kiss there and I felt myself relaxing into him. “Now we can both get some sleep.” He muttered in a confession that I was unsure if he intended to make.

I didn’t enjoy the idea of Bellamy suffering in any way but it was a strange comfort to discover that he struggled without me. I was unsure why this was still a surprising revelation, and as the budding romance between us was only young, I could hardly believe I was lucky enough to have this time together. It had been a substantial time of convincing myself that he couldn’t want the same thing that I did and I wondered how long it would take to undo this belief. I felt myself easily drifting into sleep now that I was in the one place I felt most at home: his arms.

For a while my exhaustion provided a heavy, dreamless sleep as Bellamy’s protection warded off any fear, but the memories gradually returned. I found myself strolling through the eerily similar halls of Mount Weather alone. My footsteps echoed through the empty space hauntingly and I moved at an excruciatingly slow pace. There was a sound in the distance that I couldn’t quite register and I followed it with a sense of foreboding. The noise led me into a large room lined with the tiny cages that I had once been captive inside and I felt my heartbeat quicken.

As my gaze roamed over the space, the noise grew louder and bought my attention to the centre of the room. There was a single operating table under a blinding light that streamed from the ceiling and I suddenly recognised the horrifying whirr of a drill as it tore through bone. My breaths became shallow and rapid as Harper’s screaming filled my mind. I watched Dr Singh torment her with an overpowering feeling of helplessness and although I willed myself to do something, I couldn’t move or make a sound. I became aware of the piles of bodies that surrounded me, filling the space between where I stood and the operating table. The familiar faces were frozen in a state of agony and I could hardly catch my breath as I scanned them. Fox, Miller, the other girls who had kept me company, the groups of kids that I’d rescued from guards when looking for Bellamy; all of their lifeless faces stared back at me until my gaze fell on the bloody bodies of Jasper and Monty. The gut wrenching wail that escaped my lips caused a jolt of surprise even to me and I realised that my cheeks were wet from tears.

There was a heavy set of footsteps that caught my attention and I raised my eyes to witness Cage strolling over to the table from out of the darkness at the far end of the room. He lifted Harper’s limp body from the surface and threw it to the ground as if she were merely trash. Dr Singh turned to face me and I realised with horror that her white coat was soaked in blood. She held her red hands out to me and her determined eyes made a shiver run down my spine.

“She’s the last one.” Dr Singh informed with a delighted smile and Cage began to stride toward me with a menacing expression.

He reached me at an impossible speed and although every part of my body struck out at him in desperation, I was no match for his strength. I felt like a rag doll in his grip and was struck with the realisation of how immensely weak my body was. Despite my desperate struggles, he easily dragged me toward the table and I screeched out in despair. As he buckled me into the restraints, I heard my heartbeat hammering in my ears and felt as if I was having a heart attack. Cage unexpectedly wrapped his hands around my throat and my eyes widened in shock as he began to choke me.

“They’re all dead Indigo. You couldn’t save them.” Cage’s taunting voice filled my consciousness as I battled for air and could feel myself becoming light headed. “You failed. You’re too weak.” He growled as I wheezed and felt hot tears roll down my cheeks. The grip on my neck became so ferocious that it lifted me from the table and my shoulders thrashed against the hard surface as he shook me. The room swirled around me and it became impossible to focus as my head swayed. Without warning, my surroundings disappeared as my eyes snapped open and Bellamy’s anxious face filled my vision. The dark room around me slowly came into view and I realised that I was still in bed in Bellamy’s room.

“It’s just a dream Indie, you’re safe.” Bellamy soothed as his cool grip remained on my shoulders and I finally understood that he had been shaking me. My cheeks were soaked with real tears and I felt a cold sweat covering my entire body. I brought my eyes to him with a lingering feeling of terror and he pulled me into his embrace. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and placed a careful kiss on my forehead. “You were screaming. I couldn’t think of a kinder way to wake you, I’m sorry.” He mumbled as he wound his fingers through my hair and I felt my rapid heartbeat gradually calming against him. I could still sense the distress of the dream hanging over me and the memory of Harper’s screams were refreshed by it. I felt myself trembling in his hold as I recalled the sound and he sighed gently above me. “You...you can talk to me, you know that don’t you?” He whispered with a vulnerability in his tone that made my heart ache. I took a deep breath before leaning back so that I could look up into his sympathetic face.

“The things that happened in Mount Weather...I saw some dark shit and it’s not easy to just forget.” I explained and watched as his brows furrowed together. “Finding you and Octavia alive, it’s more than I could ever have asked for. I’m thankful for every second of the life that I have now and although it takes away most of the hurt that was eating away at me, it doesn’t remove the things that I saw, or worse, that I did.” My voice faded to a shameful whisper by the end and he tilted his head at me in confusion. “I did things to survive, things I never thought I would do. And the strangest part is that I don’t regret them, because they led me back to you both. If anything, I _ blame _ those sick assholes for forcing my hand.” I confessed as I avoided meeting his gaze. He gently lifted my chin to face him and his eyes were filled with emotion as he viewed me.

“Whatever you did, I know that you had to do. They wanted to kill every last one of you. You survived because of your actions, don't feel like you should regret that.” He asserted with an intense gaze and I felt a weight lift from my chest as I nodded back. “These nightmares, they’re of Mount Weather?” He investigated with reluctance and I hummed quietly in confirmation. “What can I do to help?” He breathed and the genuine tone in his voice made my eyes fill with tears. I considered my words carefully as I analysed the way that I’d felt each time I woke and tried to make sense of the jumbled images of the dreams.

“I need to stop being afraid.” I assessed and noticed a thinly veiled anger in his face at this statement. I knew that he was furious that anyone had affected me this much and it only further revealed how much effort he was investing into remaining calm for my comfort. “The only way I can think to do that is to prove to myself that I’m strong enough to protect myself now. I almost died more times than I can count in that Mountain, I barely scraped through those fights and honestly...I didn’t exactly take the best care of myself whilst there. I’ve gotten weak and complacent. I need to know that I can’t be captured like that again, I need to be strong.” I explained and I noticed a wry smile creep into the corners of his lips.

“I can make you a guard, I’ll train you personally.” He offered with the slightest hint of mischief which earned an involuntary chuckle under my breath.

“It’s a kind offer Bel, but I was thinking of something more extreme.” I divulged which caused him to view me with suspicion. “I’ve seen Tavi practising, I want to be able to fight like her. She’s offered to train me with Lincoln’s help, but I don’t want to go behind your back.” I detailed and flinched as he rolled his eyes at me in exasperation.

“Indie, come on.” He groaned. “You’ve said yourself that you feel weak. The grounder method of training is to beat the shit out of you until you learn, I’ve seen it happen in this camp! At least with me you know that I’ll be careful with you.” He justified and I could sense the same protective authority in him that I’d seen him address Octavia with countless times.

“I wont be stupid. I’ll start resting and I’ll take care of myself. I won’t take on any actual combat training until I’m well enough, purely theory until then, I promise.” I pleaded and although I could still sense the annoyance in his posture, his resolve was visibly crumbling. “This is important to me Bel, I need to be able to fight for myself. I can’t always leave it to you to save me. And maybe the distraction will help me to move on.” I appealed to him and he shrugged in defeat.

“Fine, if it’s that important to you. But if I see you covered in bruises, it’s done.” He conceded and I smiled as I agreed to his terms. Bellamy took my face in his hands and placed a gentle kiss on my lips with an affection that made my heart swell. “I won’t let anything happen to you again.” He whispered as he leaned his forehead against mine in a tender motion and I felt the last of my fear dissolve in his reassurance.


	42. Oᴜᴛsɪᴅᴇ Iɴᴛᴇʀғᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇ

Most of the next week passed studying Trigedasleng with Octavia and although I tried my best, I couldn’t help the feeling that I wasn’t absorbing anything. I returned to Bellamy every evening with a blaring headache and although he was exhausted by his responsibilities with the guard, he could somehow still find the energy to draw me into the comfort of his body. There was never any conversation about my residence in camp and we didn’t discuss finding a place for me with the others in dorms. Instead, we simply fell into a routine that seemed natural and his continued company provided a comfort that I depended on.

This morning Bellamy was summoned to a meeting with Kane and I dressed for another mentally draining day of training with Octavia. I strolled across the courtyard on route to the dorms to check on Jasper, as I did every few days. From the moment that I stepped into this small wing of the dorms and found Monty sitting in an obvious state of stress, I knew that something was wrong. Monty gazed up at me with tired eyes and I felt my stomach twist with anxiety.

“Hey, I was going to check on Jasper but it looks like you could do with some TLC right now.” I explained as I inspected him with concern and he released a long sigh.

“It’s not really the best time to visit him, I’m pretty sure he’s asleep.” Monty commented in a drained tone and I hummed in response to allow him the chance to get his feelings off his chest. “He was pretty frantic last night so I slipped him a sleeping pill. I don’t know what else to do for him, he’s just not getting any better.” Monty breathed with a clear exasperation and I shuffled on my seat. I could easily recognise the strain of the situation in his tense posture and my heart ached for him. 

“He’s been through a lot. Mount Weather was traumatic for us all.” I stated in a non committal attempt at comfort that only seemed to come across as disingenuous. Monty nodded with a distant expression and I attempted to find something helpful to say. “Plus he lost Maya right at the end of it. Grief is a long process, it’ll take time.” I advised as I met his eyes with a gentle, supportive smile and he leaned forward to position his elbows on his knees.

“You were out of bed by now.” He declared in a quiet voice as he spoke toward the ground, avoiding my reaction and I shrugged in response.

“I had suspicions that my only remaining family were in danger. I only left that room because I needed to investigate, you can’t compare the situations. I know it’s difficult Monty. I can’t imagine how hard it is to just watch him going through this, but all we can do is keep being there for him.” I clarified in an effort to guide him away from expecting to hit the same milestones as my experience and he nodded guiltily at me. “You had it pretty rough in there too, cut yourself some slack. How are you adjusting?” I investigated as I carefully examined him. He stared thoughtfully into the distance and I found myself wondering if anyone else had thought to check on him.

“It’s not easy.” He started and I held my hands out to gesture for him to elaborate. It was important to me that he was given a chance to receive support too; he was often so busy offering wisdom to everyone else that I doubted anyone considered his needs. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to be out of there and back with our own people. It’s just that...well it’s not quite the same as before, is it? We lost people, they lost people. It’s not just our little camp anymore. There’s all these rules and procedures and now we’re just the kids again, as if we didn’t just spend months fighting for our lives.” He ranted with a gradually building frustration behind his words and I remained silent as I listened attentively. 

“And now, my best friend is completely broken and I can’t fix him. You know, the only time he speaks to me at the moment is to remind me that I helped to kill those people. He’s right, I did have a part in that and I have to live with that, which is hard enough already without the constant guilt trips. It’s exhausting, dealing with his behaviour and covering for him so that he doesn’t get in trouble for laying there being a fucking vegetable.” He spat and although I was surprised by his outburst, I maintained my calm exterior as he had done countless times for me. “Sorry Indie, I didn’t mean to say all of that. You’ve got your own shit to deal with.” He grumbled sheepishly and I released a gentle chuckle.

“It’s okay, you clearly needed it.” I remarked with an air of amusement. It was strange to see Monty depart from his wise, calm exterior, even if only temporarily. “Feel better?” I asked and as he nodded, I noticed that his shoulders dropped some of their tension. “Now, what can I do to help? It’s not right for you to deal with him alone. We’re a family, we do this together.” I offered in a determined manner as he sighed thoughtfully.

“I really don’t know if there’s anything you can do.” He mumbled and I waited patiently whilst he visibly considered it. “Some of the other council members are getting frustrated with his absence in mechanical, they’re low on volunteers. I’m doing what I can to fill in for him but there’s only so many shifts I can work. I just need to get him active again.” He spoke in a jumbled up manner that indicated that he was still thinking aloud and I smiled fondly at him.

“Well, I can’t make him better any faster, but I’ve been restricted to light duties. I could cover his shifts for you. I’m not quite at Jasper’s level of brainiac but if you can find someone to teach me the basics, I’ll take the grunt jobs. Can’t be as hard as you smart asses make it look.” I teased as I elbowed him playfully and I felt a pang of sadness when I wasn’t able to encourage a smile from him in return.

“I can’t ask you to do that Indie.” Monty mumbled as he avoided my gaze and his face contorted into a guilty grimace that seemed completely out of place on him. I couldn’t stand the thought that he would rather suffer through so much alone than ask for help and so I leaned down to meet his eyes.

“You’re not asking me to do anything. Jasper is family, I’m happy to help him however I can.” I asserted. “Besides, what else am I busy with?” I argued and his tired eyes finally raised to meet mine with a relieved smile.

“I know a guy who owes me a favour… if you  _ really _ don’t mind, I can ask him to mentor you.” He conceded and I nodded keenly in response. “But I’m not letting you take all of Jasper’s shifts. You’ve done enough for this camp already, I want you to take some time to take care of yourself.” He clarified in a firm voice and I laughed lightly at his protectiveness.

“I will if you do.” I offered with a raised brow and he shrugged in defeat.

By the time I had survived my intense lesson with Octavia, I was ready to collapse. Now that Abby had declared me as fit for light exercise, we’d moved onto basic prep for combat training. Octavia was reluctant to fully spar with me, despite my insistence that I was feeling healthier and instead led me through simple footwork and postures. Regardless, it was unexpectedly tiring after months of allowing my body to deteriorate and I had to admit defeat earlier than usual. I returned to Bellamy’s quarters for a fresh set of clothes after working up a sweat in my first outfit. I was surprised when he wandered inside and it was clear from his reaction that he hadn’t expected to find me here. There was a nervousness in his demeanour as he viewed me which caused my stomach to flip with anticipation.

“You’re back early, I thought you’d be busy with Octavia for a while yet.” He stated as he met my gaze with an expression as if he’d been caught in the act and I could feel nerves building in my chest as I considered numerous situations that could be causing his unusual behaviour.

"Short lesson today. How was your meeting?” I asked as I cocked a brow at him suspiciously and he cleared his throat. I noticed that he shifted on the spot and rubbed at the back of his neck, which were his telltale signs of avoidance. He dragged his eyes back from the floor with an obvious reluctance and sighed deeply in a defeated manner.

“Kane’s sending the guard out for a patrol. He wants me to lead the training group.” He revealed with a hesitance in his tone that revealed he was expecting a negative reaction and I felt my posture stiffen despite my best efforts to contain it.

“When?” I hoped that if I kept my responses short that I could veil the intense anxiety I felt at this idea but my voice broke as the word left my lips and I cursed myself inwardly.

“This afternoon.” He confirmed and I felt my heart jump into my throat. I stared back at him with wide eyes as I tried to gulp down my concern and he stepped closer with a reassuring smile. “It’s only a simple scan of the area. He wants us to start mapping out our surroundings so we can set up regular patrols. We shouldn’t be gone for long.” He explained as I battled to suppress the fear that threatened to overwhelm me.

“Okay.” I breathed with a forced tone of calm. Despite the crushing anxiety that I felt, I understood that I couldn’t hold him in camp all of the time and that if I desired for life to return to normal, I had to trust him to remain safe. I felt nauseous as I reminded myself that I couldn’t suffocate him and concentrated on controlling my nerves. “I get it, makes sense. Please be safe.” I answered with a forced smile and he gently reached out to put a hand on my arm to stabilise me.

“I’ll be okay.” He asserted and I nodded nervously. “Will you?” He asked with his brows furrowing in concern. I knew that he was reluctant to leave me alone and smiled at his care.

“I’ll manage. Monty’s gonna fix me up with some shifts in mechanical, he needs help filling in for Jasper whilst he’s...well, you know. So I’ll focus on arranging that.” I explained with an awkward shrug and I noticed a hint of guilt in Bellamy’s face at the mention of Jasper’s condition.

“Sounds good. I didn’t realise that was a skill of yours.” He winked playfully and I pushed him as I scoffed. He sighed thoughtfully and his smile faded before he spoke again. “He needs to get out of bed eventually. Maybe having a role will help him. I could add him to the guard training group?” He suggested and I hummed in consideration.

“I don’t think he’s ready for that right now.” I muttered with a remorseful expression. “It’s a good thought for the future though. He’s always been brave, protecting camp might bring some of that back.” I agreed and he nodded back.

“I’ve gotta round up the troops. I’ll be careful, you make sure you do the same whilst I’m gone.” He stated as he took my face in his hands and stared into my eyes with intensity.

“Don’t take any risks out there Bel. I don’t care what Kane says, you come back safe.” I whispered and he smiled fondly before bringing his lips to mine in a lingering kiss. My hands found his arms to cling to and I subconsciously held him in place. It was only a simple outing, I acknowledged that I was being unreasonable but the anxiety bubbled in my chest regardless. 

***

The moment that Bellamy left to prepare for the mission, I sought out Monty in an effort to occupy my mind and was stunned to discover that he was dressed in guard uniform. I couldn’t prevent my worry from flooding into my face as I scanned him and when he met my eyes, he smiled encouragingly.

“You’re going too?” I asked in a small, nervous voice and he nodded in confirmation. “Bellamy didn’t mention that you were part of his group.” I stated with sadness dripping from my words as he zipped up his guard jacket and I gulped at the crest glinting proudly on his chest.

“Yeah, Miller and Harper too. It’ll be good to get out on missions again, I’m starting to feel like a hermit.” He smiled genuinely and I recalled his words from this morning. It seemed that he needed this post more than I had initially realised and I tried not to allow my nerves to dampen his enthusiasm.

“Sounds like they took the full Mount Weather fighter crew. I’m glad you’ll have those two to watch your back.” I smiled as I spoke in an effort to conceal my feelings and strained to force my voice into a higher pitch. “Any chance you could set me up with this contact of yours before you head out? I could do with the distraction whilst you’re all gone.” I added in a forced casual tone and he shrugged.

“Thought you might. I’ve already prepared Knox that you might show up and he confirmed there is a shift this afternoon if you want it. Raven’s going to keep an eye on Jasper whilst I’m gone so you don’t have to worry about that either.” He informed and I smiled at how well prepared he was for my anxiety. “We’ll be alright, Indie. Bellamy will keep us safe and I’ll keep an eye on him for you.” He winked and I felt my eyes well up slightly with appreciation.

“Maybe you should keep an eye on Harper whilst you’re out there.” I teased, earning a playful slap on the arm.

***

The mechanical unit was bustling upon my arrival and it was difficult to seek out my new mentor with only a name. After wandering aimlessly for a while, I was approached by a young looking man with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He waved awkwardly as he neared and it was clear that he was a skittish personality.

“Hey, you must be Knox?” I addressed him with an uncertain expression which earned a nervous smile when he reached me.

“Indigo?” He asked and I nodded in confirmation. “Monty’s told me a lot about you. Come on, I’ll show you our work room.” He explained quietly and I followed as he shuffled through the halls. We arrived in an area of the unit that appeared to be an old hangar and he led me to a corner that was separated by rows of shelves containing numerous boxes of supplies, surrounding a large workbench. “This is our new office. I’ve gotta ask, how much experience have you got with these kinda tasks? Were you on Mecha?” He enquired with a friendly interest in his smile and I shrugged.

“No, actually I grew up on Arrow station, sector B.” I revealed and noticed that he hummed in understanding as his expression became sympathetic. Everyone knew that Sector B was badly maintained and practically falling apart. The only families who resided there were those of little importance and stature. It was equal only with the sector that Bellamy and Octavia grew up in and I had often considered whether our shared understanding of the struggles of growing up under that kind of strain was the foundation for our bonds. “But it was just my mother and I, so most of the fixing things were down to me. So I guess you could say...some limited experience, but a ton of enthusiasm?” I clarified with a light tone and he chuckled under his breath.

“Well, enthusiasm always helps. Let’s get started on some basics.” He remarked as he led me to the workbench.

I spent the rest of the afternoon working on simple, repetitive tasks with Knox, who gradually opened up to me with my continued persuasion. He revealed that he had grown up on Agro station with Monty and Jasper and as a result he knew the two of them well. Their time on Earth had changed them substantially from how he remembered them, but he still considered them friends and, like me, he wished to help Jasper however he could.

By the time that it became dark outside the guard group still hadn’t returned and I found myself growing restless. I was relieved to finish the shift and hurried to the boys quarters to investigate whether Raven had heard anything from them. When I entered their dorm, she seemed exhausted and barely managed to confirm that there had been no word from the group between Jasper’s manic outbursts in the background. She sighed in exasperation as she explained that she hadn’t expected to be on babysitting duty for this long and I offered to take her place until Monty and the others returned. She practically snapped my hand off in enthusiasm at this offer and bolted from the space, leaving me alone with Jasper. I pulled up a chair to sit nearby as he paced the room in an anxious state and watched him with sympathetic eyes.

“What can I do to help you Jasper?” I spoke in a gentle voice in fear of startling him and he halted in place as he turned to view me with wide eyes.

“Nothing!” He hissed with an outraged expression and I held my position firmly against his aggression. “You can’t take the pain away, no one can. How am I supposed to carry on after what happened?” He rambled as he resumed pacing and tugged at the roots of his hair obsessively.

“I don’t know, I don’t have the answers for you. Did you think any more about your new focus?” I suggested in a calm tone and he scoffed at me scornfully.

“I can’t think about it. I can’t think about anything other than Maya’s face as she died in my arms. Don’t you remember what it’s like? Or have you forgotten now that you have your precious Bellamy back?” He spat in an accusing tone and I felt my back straighten defensively. Monty had mentioned he could be a handful but I was surprised by the extent.

“I won’t ever forget how that felt or how lucky I am to be in the situation that I am now. I understand how you feel Jasper, I know that you’re hurting and I’m trying to help you.” I appealed to him gently and was shocked when he viewed me with a disdain that made my stomach twist.

“You want to help me? I doubt you can even concentrate with Bellamy still out of camp. I know how one track minded you are when it comes to him. How can you even think about helping me when you’re sitting here pining over your boyfriend who gave the order to kill all of those people. He’s a fucking murderer!” Jasper’s voice gradually raised from a spiteful hiss into furious yelling and I was stunned at his behaviour. I had hardly ever seen him so much as raise his voice before and although I understood that he was grieving, I didn’t recognise the person standing in front of me.

“In case you’ve forgotten, so am I! I was when I arrived and I’ve lost track of how many people I’ve killed since then.” I reminded him with a firm voice and watched his temper finally begin to calm at my words. “We’ve all done things since we arrived here that we would never have imagined ourselves doing. The cost of survival has been high and some people in particular have had to make decisions which are way outside of their experience. Bellamy, Clarke, all of the leadership have done the best they can in impossible situations, I would expect you to understand that better after the responsibility you had in Mount Weather. You don’t have to agree with their choice, but it’s done now. Grieving or not, you do not get to punish them for it forever Jasper. Your feelings don’t give you a free pass to be a dick and that goes especially for your treatment of Monty.” I advised and fixed him with a stern look as he became sheepish under my scrutiny. “You want to be angry with someone? Be angry with me, I can take it. But you need to stop pushing everyone else away. We all care about you, let us help.” As I finished speaking, I witnessed his face crumble to upset and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.

“It just...it hurts all the time. How do I make it stop?” He struggled to get the words out between the frantic sobs that wracked his chest and I rushed forward to pull him into a tight embrace. He surrendered himself into my grip as I placed a hand on the back of his head and could easily feel a few small sections where he’d already pulled hair out in his stress.

“I know my darling, I know. I wish I could make it stop for you.” I whispered as I rubbed his back calmingly and waited for him to compose himself. By the time he leaned out of my grip, I had lost track of how long he had cried into my shoulder and I noticed that he immediately returned to tugging at his roots in a gesture of stress. I gently took his hand in mine and encouraged it away from his nervous habit. “You need to stop doing that, you’ll have no hair left soon.” I smiled tenderly at him as he dried his eyes.

“I’m sick of it, it’s driving me insane. I need a change. I was thinking about shaving it off.” He mumbled and as he met my eyes I struggled to contain my horror at this idea. “I...I know you said you wanted to help me, I can’t do it myself. I have the graders already. Could you...do you mind doing it for me?” He requested with an evident vulnerability in his voice and I felt dread forming in my stomach. I truly wanted to assist him in any way that I could, but this felt like such a betrayal to the young, naive Jasper, who I still remembered pushing back his scruffy mane with a dorky set of goggles. The memory of his smiling, hopeful face caused my heart to ache as I looked into his eyes which revealed the same lifeless void that mine had shown only weeks ago.

“If it will help you, of course.” I agreed as I forced a smile and noticed visible signs of surprise in his face. “It’s just hair right, it grows back.” I commented and he sighed with relief. Once I had witnessed his response, I became certain in my decision and set everything up for the task. 

A wave of nerves crashed over me as I sat with Jasper on the floor between my knees and the graders in my hand. I took the last opportunity to run my fingers through his slightly patchy, scruffy locks to commit them to memory before I carefully ran the contraption through and watched the first clump of hair drop to the ground. Jasper’s shoulders relaxed as if the hair itself was a weight lifted and I clenched my jaw in an effort to contain the tears that filled my eyes. I couldn’t explain why this felt so significant a change, but as I worked through all of the hair, it felt as if I was letting go of all of the people we’d once been. My mind reflected on the changes in all of us in our time here, the suffering and hardship that we’d all had to endure and a bitterness that I had denied until now surged in my chest.

When I finished, Jasper stood to shake off the remaining hair and strode straight to a mirror to check my work. I sniffed back the tears and ensured that my calm facade was still in place. There was a hint of a smile in the corner of his lips when he returned to me and I treasured the feeling that I’d managed to restore it. He sat opposite me wordlessly and I glanced up at a clock to check the time. It was getting late and my stomach churned with anxiety as I considered what could have happened to the missing group. I turned my gaze back to Jasper with a sigh.

“Well, looks like I’ll be sleeping here, if you don’t mind. I’ll go crazy waiting by myself.” I admitted in an effort to conceal the fact that I was too afraid to leave him unsupervised and he nodded. “Not that I’ll be doing much sleeping.” I added in a small voice as I wrung my hands together nervously and Jasper rose to his feet to cross the room.

“Ah, I have a solution to that particular problem.” He announced as he rooted around in the cupboards before he appeared gripping a familiar bottle. “Monty’s private stash. Join me?”

Hours passed in the quiet room as Jasper and I sipped on moonshine and I obsessively stared at a walkie talkie that Raven had stolen for me. The group were still using the homemade set from our old camp and Jasper pointed out that they were only for short range use. I tried to comfort myself with the assurance that they were simply of our range and didn’t allow my mind to obsess over the fact that they hadn’t planned to travel far. Jasper fell asleep in a stressed heap and I was left with the remainder of the bottle, which had succeeded in making me tired as I intended, but was not enough to help me sleep off my terror. Eventually, I must have collapsed from a mixture of exhaustion and intoxication as I was overwhelmingly haunted by nightmares. 

“Arkadia, this is Squad Blake. We’re almost back at camp, prepare to open the gates.” I woke with a start when the radio crackled and I stared at it with a rush of adrenaline. I felt my stomach flip at the sound of Bellamy’s voice through the tinny speaker and leapt to my feet. 

I darted from the room and out into the courtyard at the exact moment that the gates and the group were dragging themselves inside. Some of them were supporting each other to walk and they all appeared to have had a gruelling time outside. My gaze anxiously flitted over the team as they filtered inside and I was pleased to witness Harper and Miller seeming relatively unharmed. When Monty appeared I started to power walk toward the gate and as Bellamy finally shuffled inside at the back of the team, I broke into a jog. 

I threw myself into his arms before he’d even registered my arrival and knocked him back in surprise. There were several chuckles from the group behind me but I ignored them as I squeezed Bellamy and he embraced me in return. After a few moments of reassurance I stepped back only to seize Monty in a similarly oppressive bear hug and he snorted in laughter at my display of affection. I extracted myself from the hug to view them both with exasperation.

“Where  _ were _ you? You said you weren’t going to be long!” I grilled as Monty shifted awkwardly out of my gaze and Bellamy simply flashed a guilty smile.

“I’m sorry for scaring you Love. Things didn’t go to plan.” He stated in a light tone as he tucked his hands into his pockets and I scoffed in frustration.

“No shit, longest night of my life.” I commented firmly causing a chuckle from him, before I noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the unsteady form of his posture. “Looks like it was long for you too. Are you alright?” I asked in a softer voice as I scanned him closely for any signs of injury.

“It’s been rough, but I’m fine. Better now I’m back with you.” He remarked with a sneaky wink and I smiled fondly at him. “I’ve gotta debrief with Kane and will have to make sure all the equipment gets returned properly. Meet me in my room after?” He requested as he squeezed my arm affectionately and I could no longer hold my air of annoyance in the face of his sparkling smile.

“Sure, but I’m not sure when I’ll be free. I’ve got another session with Octavia and I need to check with Knox when my next shift is.” I thought aloud as I noticed some of the others were getting rather impatient as they waited for him. “I’ll be there tonight, definitely.” I confirmed as I stepped away but before I could get far he grabbed my arm to pull me back to him.

“Wait a second, who’s Knox?” He enquired with a brow cocked at me in suspicion and I was surprised by the firmness of his grip.

“He’s a friend of Monty’s from the Ark, he’s mentoring me so I can get up to speed with covering for Jasper.” I explained casually and I noticed that Bellamy seemed displeased with this information. There was a darkness in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before and I was thrown off guard by how quickly his attitude had changed.

“Wait, you started that already? I thought Monty was teaching you?” He grilled as he examined me closely and I shifted awkwardly under his scrutiny. I couldn’t understand why he was behaving this way over something that I had been honest with him about and that was completely innocent in nature.

“No, I said Monty was going to arrange the shifts for me.” I clarified as he furrowed his brows at me in disapproval, as if I had intentionally given him incorrect information. “Why are you being weird? I told you about this and you agreed it was a good idea.” I recalled in a defensive tone as I crossed my arms at him and he scoffed in disbelief.

“Yeah, well, that was before I knew it was some random guy you were working with.” He stated in exasperation and I could tell from his body language that he was genuinely riled by this discovery. “I didn’t realise you’d be busy with him whilst I was missing.” He added bitterly as he avoided meeting my eyes and I raised my brows at him.

“Oh come on! That was a low blow, okay. I needed the distraction. Also, he’s basically a kid-”

“Bellamy! Are you coming?!” Miller called out, interrupting me mid-flow and I growled in annoyance.

“I’ll see you later.” He groaned as he reluctantly tore himself away from me and I was left to simmer in my temper.

I was glad for my session with Octavia this morning, as it allowed me to burn off some of the stress. Now that we had progressed to basic combat, Lincoln joined in with the instructing. My time with the two of them mostly consisted of me trying to attack, whilst they demonstrated how much faster they were and I found every possible way of face-planting the ground. It was a struggle to keep going after the heavy exhaustion of the night, but the well of anger in my mind kept me fuelled. 

By midday when we broke off, Octavia praised me for my grit and revealed that the determination to always get back up was a vital part of being a grounder. This was an amusing discovery for me, as stubbornness had never been a praised part of my personality in the past and I was pleased that my lack of regard for when the odds were too stacked against me was finally beneficial.

When I arrived at mechanical, Knox confirmed that Monty was due to cover the afternoon shift for Jasper but hadn’t turned up. I calculated that he was likely either still being briefed, or had completely forgotten about it after the strain of the night and volunteered to work in his place. Knox and I set up in our assigned corner and although I felt completely tapped from my morning activities, I fought to keep focused on the mind numbing tasks that I was assigned. I could feel the pounding of a headache creeping in, despite the very light hangover and I realised as nausea struck that I hadn’t managed to eat anything. Knox wandered closer to hand me a bottle of water with a knowing look and I smiled thankfully before taking a long drink.

“Rough night?” He stated with an understanding smile and I deduced that he had likely been worried for Monty too.

“The roughest in a while and that’s saying something. Lots of people I care for in that guard group.” I confirmed and he nodded back with a sympathetic expression.

“It’s been hard for you guys down here, huh?” He mumbled and avoided my gaze as he spoke. I knew that things hadn’t been easy on the Ark either, but until now I hadn’t considered what it was like for those loved ones of the 100 who weren’t privileged enough to hear the communications. Sure, Jaha let the camp radio their families once, but in the weeks before that they had no idea whether we’d survived the landing and most were likely still unaware of the hardships that we’d endured since. “Monty and Jasper are so different, I guess you all must be.” He added under his breath and I sighed thoughtfully.

“It’s been touch and go for all of us from the start.” I stated as I reflected on the chaos of our first camp and realised that there was no way we would ever be able to simplify those times into a summary for the others that would adequately convey the strain of the experiences. “Literally from day one where I watched Jasper get speared through the chest.” I muttered thoughtlessly and Knox’s eyes grew wide. “Yeah, welcome to Earth, right.” I sighed as I tried to think of a way to explain our hardened personalities. 

“I could sit here and tell you every little thing that happened at our old camp, but it still wouldn’t put you in the same head space as the boys. We struggled for every basic need, almost starved or froze to death more times than I could count. People died,  _ kids _ died and we couldn’t stop it. Everyone in that camp went through trauma and the only reason that we survived was because of our bonds. We grew together and became what we had to, but underneath that, we’re still the same people. Whatever relationship you had with the boys before, they haven’t forgotten it.” I reassured and he seemed taken aback by my honesty. He got to his feet awkwardly and cleared his throat.

“I didn’t get a chance to eat this morning, I’m gonna grab some food. Do you need anything?” He asked with a concerned expression and I groaned with relief.

“God, yes.”


	43. Mᴀʀᴋɪɴɢ Tᴇʀʀɪᴛᴏʀʏ

My shift finally drew to a close, leaving me exhausted and I felt that I had worked off enough of my earlier anger to only be left with a simmering bitterness. I wandered toward Bellamy’s quarters with a knot in my stomach as I expected an argument and for a moment I considered whether to simply hide in dorms for the night. I took a steadying breath before stepping inside and found Bellamy in the middle of undressing for bed. He turned at the sound of the door and a tired smile spread across his overworked face as he noticed me.

“You’re back.” He breathed with a tone of relief and I wondered if he hadn’t expected me to return.

“I am.” I replied awkwardly as I waited in the doorway for any indication of his mood.

There wasn’t any visible anger in his demeanour, or I was stunned to find that he didn’t seem to be interested in causing a fight between us. Instead, he simply continued to prepare for bed and I slid my jacket off casually as I strolled further into the room to place it on a chair. I considered removing my trousers and simply climbing into bed, as the desperately tired part of my brain demanded that I sleep immediately, but I was still unsure if I were welcome here following his earlier remarks. I turned toward the bed to confront Bellamy, but was immediately cut off as he stepped into my space to draw me into a heated kiss. My breath hitched at the sudden contact as his hands squeezed my hips and I had to lean against the dresser to brace myself against his enthusiasm.

My mind was reeling at his unexpected energy and I realised that my expectations of this evening were completely incorrect. He gathered me against his chest and my entire body thrummed with excitement, despite the concerned thoughts still buzzing around in the back of my mind. For once, I was annoyed with the intoxication of his touch and knew that the tension of this morning still lingered in the back of both of our minds. I tore myself away from his lips with an overpowering reluctance and attempted a stern expression, but he simply moved to peppering kisses along my neck as he threaded a hand into my hair.

“Bel.” I hoped to be authoritative and although it was clear from my tone that I wanted his attention, his name fell from my lips in a far more breathy manner than I had intended. He groaned against my skin and as he dragged himself up to meet my eyes, I acknowledged that he didn’t appreciate the interruption.

“I don’t want to talk.” He clarified and despite how direct his words were, I couldn’t detect an ounce of malice in his voice, nor any indication of the attitude that he’d addressed me with this morning. Instead, there was something vulnerable in his eyes that made me wonder if his overnight adventures had affected him more than he was currently willing to admit.

“Then, what do you want?” I asked with a frown and I knew that he understood that I was referring to more than just in this moment. The way that he’d spoken as if there was a deep hurt earlier had left me doubtful if he’d even want me here and if we weren’t going to discuss it, I would at least give him the option to tell me if he wanted me to leave after this.

“You. I want you.” He asserted as he stared into my eyes and I was relieved that we understood each other so well. When he next pressed his lips to mine, there was an urgency that spurred me forward. Before I could think twice about talking, he had twisted us around to lower me to the bed. I knew from the desperation of his actions that he craved the distraction and he barely paused enough to allow me to gather my thoughts.  _ Okay, we can talk about this later.  _

***

My new routine of training in the morning and working shifts in mechanical in the afternoon allowed a week to fly past without my notice. Monty remained adamant that I didn’t shoulder too much of the strain and so on days that I had an afternoon available, I found myself assisting with preparing food for the camp whilst Bellamy was busy in meetings or training sessions. There had been no mention of the conversation by the gates and although Bellamy behaved awkwardly every time that he caught me on route to a shift, he hadn’t mentioned Knox at all since. I hadn’t decided how to bring this up in a way that would allow for a conversation rather than a confrontation. Things between us were still fresh and I was nervous that addressing this might trigger a conversation about what the nature of our relationship was. I’d already grown comfortable in our warm routine and I didn’t want to jeopardise it by asking for more. For the time being, I had decided to simply enjoy every moment for what it was and to not obsess over the longevity of it.

Now that I was beginning to regain my strength, my lessons with Octavia and Lincoln had intensified and although I’d given the stipulation that they couldn’t cover me in bruises, they’d mastered getting as close as possible without leaving marks. I felt confident in my progression and discovered that it was a helpful method of both burning off the anger that I buried inside and leaving me too exhausted to spend the entire night filled with nightmares. I considered it an achievement to have simply reduced the number of painful visions that haunted my sleep and I embraced any progress that I could gain. 

After a particularly intense morning, I settled in the courtyard of camp to wind down. Monty had taken the shift in mechanical and I hadn’t yet volunteered for kitchen duty, which allowed me the chance to savour the cool midday air. 

“Hey Indigo, enjoying some time off?” A nervous voice drew my attention and I glanced up to find Knox smiling at me bashfully.

“Hey bud.” I cheered as I leaned back in a relaxed manner and smiled encouragingly at my insecure companion. “Yeah, Monty wouldn’t let me have the shift so I’ll probably just hit the kitchen again.” I commented lightly and he nodded.

“That explains it.” He muttered and I tilted my head quizzically at him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not working somewhere, or training. I didn’t realise you knew how to take a break.” He added with a sly smile and I gasped in surprise.

“And I didn’t realise you were a smartass!” I remarked as I jabbed at him playfully and he chuckled. “Did Wick give you any more crazy assignments yet?” I enquired with interest and he detailed the latest impossible task that he’d been given to share with Raven’s equally talented science friend. Knox had filled me in on some camp rumours that there was some kind of romance going on between her and Wick, and I retained this information to investigate when I had the opportunity to catch Raven alone. I glanced to my side to notice one of the kitchen staffers crossing the courtyard. “Hold that thought Knox, I’ll be right back.” I chirped as I rushed over to meet them and arranged to assist with preparing meals later on. Once she left, I turned to find Bellamy standing silently beside me and jolted so hard that I actually felt my soul leave my body for a moment.

“Jesus, don’t  _ do _ that!” I gasped as I held a hand to my chest and he shook his head as he smiled in amusement. “Seriously, it’s creepy! Couldn’t you...I don’t know, stomp your feet or make a noise or something when you approach to give me a warning? You’re so damn stealthy.” I blurted and he couldn’t contain a snort of laughter at my comments.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He chuckled as he placed his hands in his pockets in a relaxed posture. “Good workout?” He asked with a hint of a smirk and I pursed my lips at him before breaking into a playful smile.

“Oh yeah, I beat the crap out of both of them.” I joked as I mimicked some speedy punches and he smiled warmly at my childish display. It didn’t last long as I quickly realised that I didn’t have enough energy remaining and sighed in exhaustion.

“Easy Xena, you’ll put me out of a job soon. We won’t need guards at this rate.” He teased with a bemused expression and I found my mouth dropping open in surprise.

“See, this is why I keep you around! You get my dorky references.” I crooned with an overly enthusiastic tone and he rolled his eyes in disappointment. He glanced over my shoulder for a split second and his smile faded as he focused on something. I peeked in the direction that he was staring and easily calculated that it was Knox’s awkwardly waiting form that he was watching. Bellamy returned his attention to me and the playful glitter had faded from his eyes as he tried to force a casual tone.

“So, that’s Knox, huh?” He enquired and although he strained to mask the tension in his voice, it was still crystal clear to me. I had to wonder if he had been investigating in camp to acquire a description of him, or whether he simply assumed since Knox was the only unfamiliar face that I had spoken to.

“Yes, that’s Knox.” I stated matter of factly and determinedly declined to add any further comment. If he wanted to know something in particular, he was going to have to ask.

“He seemed interested in you. What did he want?” Bellamy quizzed as the tension between the two of us only grew with every word and I cocked a brow at him in confusion.

“He didn’t  _ want _ anything, we just chatted. He’s not used to seeing me relax so I think he was confused.” I explained with an amused tone to clarify that this was an insignificant conversation but this only seemed to rile Bellamy further. I witnessed his gaze drift back over my shoulder and when he next viewed me, he shuffled on the spot with a certain stressed energy about him.

“I don’t like him chatting to you. He’s practically hanging off you, it’s weird.” He stated firmly and I felt my brows shoot up in surprise. Knox had been consistently friendly since the moment we met and I could tell that he simply looked up to the entire group that had survived here before they arrived. I suspected he probably admired Bellamy as a leader more than the others, if he would only take the time to notice.

“What are you even talking about?” I breathed as I viewed him with disbelief and I caught his stern face as he returned his gaze to Knox. The intensity of his stare would make even the toughest of our camp members bolt and I could see poor Knox squirming out of the corner of my eye. “Stop glaring at him.” I hissed but his scowl remained focused as if I hadn’t even spoken.

“I’m not.” He stated in a distracted tone without even attempting to cover his blatant ignorance and I crossed my arms in annoyance.

“Bellamy!” I growled and the sharpness of my tone finally seemed to pull him from his intimidation mission. I gave him an unimpressed gesture and he shifted awkwardly as he met my eyes. I scanned between him and Knox, and my mind finally pieced together the information that I was presented. I could hardly believe what I was about to ask, but I couldn’t theorise any other logical explanation for his bizarre behaviour. “Are you  _ jealous _ ?” I interrogated and his eyes widened at my accusation.

“What?” He breathed and I held my expectant gaze as I awaited an answer. “No!” He spat defensively and fidgeted nervously on the spot in an effort to conceal his aggravation. I felt a lurch in my gut at his reaction and kicked myself for not realising what I was dealing with sooner. Bellamy always seemed so full of confidence that I had never imagined he would be jealous. A memory stirred in the back of my mind of his reaction when I tended to Murphy in the dropship after his torture and I realised that it was absolutely a weakness of his. “What do I have to be jealous of? He’s just a kid.” He scoffed and I struggled to contain a laugh, until I caught him sneaking a brief glare at Knox again.

“Exactly, he’s just a kid. So why are you giving him the death stare?” I investigated and he turned back to me as if he hadn’t done anything. I couldn’t think how I was going to deal with this situation if he wouldn’t even admit to his part in it and I pitied Knox for drawing the ire of someone so intimidating for no good reason. I thought Bellamy understood how impossible it was for anyone to lure me away from him and considered voicing these reassurances, but I was still too nervous to put my feelings into words in case it scared him off.

“I just don’t trust him, he wasn’t part of our camp.” He excused and I rolled my eyes at his blatant omission of the truth. I knew that the fact that Knox wasn’t here before was likely the foundation of the issue, but I suspected that it was specifically because he hadn’t witnessed the development of the bond between Bellamy and I. Everyone from our old camp knew that I was off limits, without him having to label us as anything. I calculated that Bellamy was uncomfortable with the fact that I hadn’t been marked as unavailable to this particular male. Whilst lost in thought, I didn’t notice Bellamy stepping closer until he carefully brushed my hair behind my ear with a flirtatious expression. 

“Did I mention that you look pretty today?” He drawled and I couldn’t contain a snort of laughter at his new tactic.

“Don’t change the topic.” I warned with a blatant lilt of amusement. He brought his hands to rest on my hips as he closed into my space and bit his lip in a way that he knew drove me wild. I willed myself not to be distracted by his sly methods and held my ground for as long as I could.

“I’m not. I just can’t help being distracted by you.” He crooned as he leaned in to place a lingering kiss on my cheek and I fixed him with a suspicious look when he met my eyes again.

“I know what you’re doing Bel.” I groaned as I caught him glancing over to check that Knox was watching and I sighed in exasperation at his ridiculous, testosterone fuelled competition.

“Ditch work. I have a couple hours free.” He whispered, before busying himself with trailing kisses from my cheek down my neck and I struggled to concentrate despite my best efforts as he pulled me flush to him. I glanced over at Knox who was awkwardly trying to figure out what to do with himself as he tried to act as if he hadn’t seen anything and knew that Bellamy had already accomplished his goal. At this point, convincing me into bed was just an additional prize and he was doing frustratingly well at earning it. He straightened up to meet my eyes with a keen smile and although I battled to retain my stern expression, I could feel that it didn’t reach my eyes. 

“I thought you didn’t like rules, Love.” He teased as he gradually tilted his head to press his lips to mine and I felt my eyes involuntarily drift closed. It was impossible to reason with him when he resorted to these kinds of tactics and underneath the swirling attraction of my body, I was fuming with myself for giving in to him. I felt myself resting on his chest and as he wound his fingers into my hair, I knew that I had already lost the battle. As we parted for air, I glazed up at him with an arousal obvious in my eyes and he smiled smugly in return.

“You’re a terrible influence.” I stated in a breathy voice as he led me inside the Ark in a victorious strut.

***

The following day Bellamy was gone before I woke again. I couldn’t deny the feeling that he was avoiding discussing his behaviour and my mind obsessed over my recent actions constantly for any error on my part. As a result of my lack of focus, Octavia hammered me with attacks during our session and she eventually ended it early out of frustration. I found myself wandering camp aimlessly as I was completely lost in thought and felt too awkward at the idea of seeing Knox to volunteer for a shift in mechanical. 

Instead, I sought out a quiet spot on camp to reflect where I hoped that I wouldn’t be easily found. Despite all of my internal analysis, I couldn't think of any interactions between Knox and I that could be interpreted as inappropriate and was therefore stuck at the same dead end as before on what I could do to fix this issue with Bellamy. There was a set of footsteps that I was vaguely aware of in my vicinity but I paid it little attention until they approached me and someone cleared their throat as they dropped into a seat opposite.

“You look like you have a lot on your mind.” I glanced up to find Harper examining me with a fond expression and was immediately relieved.

“Pretty sure that’s just my default expression. I honestly can’t remember a time where I didn’t have much to think about.” I stated with an amused smile and she shrugged in response. “Sorry I haven’t checked in with you since we got back. How are you managing?” I enquired with a genuine interest as I leaned forward to examine her. Although our conversations had been limited, Harper had always been kind to me, especially in our time in captivity and it left an enduring fondness for her.

“It’s okay, we’ve all had a lot on our plates, especially with reunions.” She sighed before fixing me with a knowing look that wasn’t filled with mischief or teasing like Octavia or Raven, but simply appreciation for my happiness. “It’s an adjustment, being outside again and with our own people. It’s different to before and there’s something bizarre about living back inside the Ark of all things. I think it’ll take some time to get used to for all of us.” She explained thoughtfully and I hummed in agreement. It was a comfort to discover that I wasn’t the only person here who found this transition challenging and I found that she quickly minimised the anxiety that I was feeling with just her calm company. “I’m glad to have other people around who understand what we went through in there, it makes it easier to deal with the after effects and nightmares.” She muttered as my brows furrowed in concern.

“You’re having them too, huh?” I revealed and her face contorted into a mixture of pity and relief. “Everything heals with time, right?” I added with a supportive smile. “If you ever need to talk about it, I’ve always got time for you Harp. You were there for me at my worst, I want you to know that I’m grateful and I won’t ever forget it.” I divulged as I fidgeted awkwardly on the spot and she smiled thankfully. It was difficult for me to discuss my feelings with new people and although I felt it was important to say, I still felt uncomfortable.

“Thanks. I know I’ll get there eventually, it’s just a process. Monty had been a godsend.” She commented idly and I felt the corners of my lips twitch up toward a smile as she peaked my interest.

“Monty, huh?” I repeated with a forced casual tone and as she avoided meeting my eyes, she cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Yeah, he’s a great guy, easily the most dependable person I’ve met. He’s also kind and wise, and probably the best person you could lean on for support right now. He’ll steer you right, he always has me.” I detailed honestly and when she next met my eyes, I could tell that she already knew all of these things.

“You know, if I didn’t already know about you and Bellamy, I’d think you had a thing for Monty.” She remarked in a way that tried to sound careless, but I knew these kinds of false offhand comments too well to be fooled. I’d used this method many times before when denying my feelings for Bellamy and I was inwardly thrilled to find her speaking of Monty in such a way. I scoffed at her words as genuine laughter escaped me at this idea. 

“Monty is like my little brother, Harp. Jasper too. I absolutely treasure them, but from day one there has never been a question of anything else between us.” I informed her with an overwhelming delight and it was obvious that she was pleased to hear this. “And if it weren’t for Monty’s tendency to gossip like a teenage girl, you wouldn’t know about my lovelife either.” I added with a quirked brow and she snorted in disbelief.

“Right, cause that’s a total secret.” She drawled and I shook my head at her with entertainment. I didn’t mind Harper’s comments as I knew that they were harmless and tried not to allow her words to take root in my mind. “So, Monty’s not involved with you?” She specified and I knew immediately from my own experiences exactly what she truly meant to ask.

“Monty’s not  _ involved _ with anyone and yes, I’m sure because that boy can’t keep a secret to save his life.” I chuckled and she quickly relaxed at my confirmation. “And as far as I’m aware, if you were to express an interest, it would be well received.” I crooned with a playful wink and her cheeks rapidly flushed.

“I didn’t - I wasn’t - I mean-” She rapidly stuttered as she waved her hands in panic and I smiled smugly at her. I considered taunting the admission from her as my other girlfriends had so often done to me, but as I was in her shoes not so long ago, I decided to cut her some slack.

“Hmm, of course.” I commented finally as I decided not to pursue the topic any further. The seed had been sewn in her mind, now I just had to be patient and allow it to grow. She cleared her throat and seemed to be struggling to think of something else to discuss. My unique understanding of her situation would not allow me to leave her to flounder any longer and so I offered a new line of conversation for her to escape through. “How are you finding guard duty? I didn’t expect you to be so quick to throw yourself back into the fire.” I enquired with genuine interest and she shrugged casually.

“Why not? I was trained in the original group at our old camp; it felt like a waste to not use those skills again.” She explained and I nodded in understanding. I had already forgotten that she was originally part of Bellamy’s militia and found myself hoping that her new post would help to rebuild her confidence following the especially exaggerated trauma that she had from her experiences in Mount Weather. “It’s going well, obviously the first patrol didn’t exactly go to plan, but since when does anything on Earth.” She commented and I sniggered at her point. I couldn’t think of a single plan that had gone ahead without issue since we arrived. “It’s nice to have a purpose, I think that’s why most of us joined. There’s a few people who weren’t at the original camp who are there for not so great reasons, but maybe the experience will help to toughen them up.” She stated with a maturity that demonstrated the hardships she had survived and I tilted my head at her quizzically.

“How do you mean?” I questioned and she shuffled awkwardly as if she had said something that she didn’t mean to.

“Well, prime example. There’s this girl called Mel, she’s the sole survivor from factory station. She volunteered for a guard post and she’s done the training, but it just feels totally hollow. I’m pretty sure she only joined because Bellamy is teaching and she seems more like she’s checking him out than actually paying attention to what he’s saying. She was gushing to some of the others about how he saved her from a cliffside when we were in Mount Weather and how she thinks he’s so selfless and dedicated. I’m just getting sick of watching her flirt with him when she should be concentrating on staying alive. Then there’s Ray, who’s only focus is on killing anything that threatens us because she’s terrified and Max who’s just there to show off.” She ranted in a way that I’d never seen her speak before and it was clear that she needed to get these thoughts off her mind. I listened quietly and tried not to be aggravated by her description of this girl’s behaviour around Bellamy. 

“I don’t know, I don’t want to sound jaded but it’s just kinda frustrating having them there. I know it’s not their fault but they’re so unaware. It feels like they’re at the point we were when we first landed and we already went through those growing pains to become smarter. We constantly have to watch out for them so they don’t get themselves killed and I just don’t have the patience to babysit a bunch of kids who aren’t taking this seriously. Does that make me a bad person?” She slowed as she came to this question and met my eyes with a regretful vulnerability. 

“No, it just makes you human.” I breathed with an understanding smile. “It’s okay to feel frustrated, like you said, we already did this. We just have to try to be patient with them and give them a chance to grow. Hopefully they won’t have it as hard as we did.” I advised as I thought back to Knox’s conversation about the change in Monty and Jasper. It was only natural for our two groups to be at odds at the moment, we were vastly different and our life experiences had shaped us to be cold and distrusting. I hoped that with time we might be able to learn from each other and meet somewhere in the middle. As I reflected on this, Harper sighed in relief as if a weight had been lifted from her and observed me closely.

“You don’t have to worry about Mel, I’m honestly sorry that I even brought her up.” She stated sheepishly and my eyes shot up to meet hers in surprise. “When Bellamy was out on that patrol, it was obvious that all he could think about was getting safely back to you.” She revealed and I found myself smiling despite my best efforts to conceal my emotions. “I’m glad to see you together, you balance each other out well, you know. He has brought back the personality in you and you bring out the best in him.” She added thoughtfully and I chuckled lightly at her analysis. “You’re a cute couple.” She teased with a wink and I rolled my eyes at her.

“We’re not a couple. And Bellamy can flirt with whoever he wants.” I stated adamantly as I crossed my arms and she stared back at me with disbelief.

“Whatever you say.” She crooned and I knew that she was exacting vengeance for my earlier taunting. “Well, I’ll keep you updated on the Mel situation, just in case you decide you care.” She winked and I rolled my eyes at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re back baby! It’s taken me a little while but I’ve worked through my crap and I honestly have too much love for this story to let it go. I have so many plans and I’m still committed to developing Bellamy and Indigo’s relationship and journey. I’ll be continuing to refer to Bellamy with the appearance that I always have because I actually still have not seen the entire show so it’s impossible for me to recast at this point. I’m in process of watching season 3 now as I like to go into things as blind as Indie does. If you’re not able to return to this story, that’s okay and thank you for all of your support so far. For everyone still here, your love for this story means the world to me <3


	44. Sᴄᴇɴᴇ Oғ Tʜᴇ Cʀɪᴍᴇ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who felt this was lacking some smut and would like to see that with Indie/Bel, Whovi is your girl! She has written a wonderful piece which you can check out below. Please be warned this is VERY explicit, ADULT content which is NSFW. Continue at your own risk.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/25579972?view_adult=true

Following some substantial effort, I had managed to stop Harper’s words from swirling around in my mind by the morning. All that remained was a heavy confusion over Bellamy’s hot and cold behaviour as of late and I struggled to make any sense of it. 

When I arrived at the meeting point for my training with Octavia, I was stunned to find that she was absent. In all of our days together, she had been strictly devoted to the plan and had been diligently awaiting my arrival at every session. I sat tapping my knee anxiously for a while and when it became clear that she would not be coming, I wandered through the courtyard with confusion. I discovered that Bellamy was still in his room as I stepped inside and he met my eyes with an expression that indicated he had been searching for me. He rushed over to greet me whilst I stared back at him in surprise. 

“There you are! Didn’t you get my message?” He asked with a hint of irritation and I cocked a brow at him. “Your training with Octavia is cancelled today, we’ve got an assignment and I thought you’d want to join for it.” He started cryptically and I stared back at him with a lurch in my stomach. “We’re going to Mount Weather.” He revealed and I noticed that he observed me closely with an obvious concern.

“What?” I breathed as I battled to contain the wave of shock that crashed over me and he made a sympathetic expression. My legs felt weak as I processed the idea and my breathing became sharper.

“Kane’s cleared us to go to Mount Weather. There’s plenty of supplies there that are going to waste, he wants us to start bringing them back to camp.” He clarified as I stared open mouthed with a feeling of dread in my stomach. Although I could understand the logic of this plan, the very concept of returning to the location that held horrifying memories for almost every resident of camp was too large to fit in my mind. “Look, if I got this wrong and you can’t handle it, you don’t have to come Indie. I just...I thought that it might help you to face it.” He explained with a nervous voice and I finally recovered enough of my composure to nod fervently at him. I swallowed the terror and fixed a determination into my voice.

“No, you’re completely right Bel, I need to put this to rest.” I agreed in reaction to his insecure addition. A dazzling smile spread across his face at my words and I felt a surge of comfort at the sight of it. “How do I convince Kane to let me join?” I enquired as I began to build my confidence internally and set my mind to the task. I couldn’t allow myself to become distracted with the list of reasons that this plan was a bad idea that my brain was compiling. 

“I’ve already arranged it. You and Octavia are the official guard support.” He revealed with pride evident in his voice and I smiled at him in amazement. “I know, I’m awesome. Now hurry up and get ready, everyone else is preparing to leave.” He ushered me inside with an urgency and I rushed to gather my things so that I could follow him from the room.

We attended the armoury together and Bellamy took the time to check that I was thoroughly equipped before we were joined by the prying eyes of the rest of the unit. I smiled fondly at the way that he fussed over me and after his bizarre antics in recent days, I enjoyed being the subject of his protective nature again. When we entered the hanger where the guard group was gathered, I was surprised to find a far smaller crew than the last outing. I took a moment to consider that some of the originals must not be recovered enough to embark on another mission yet. Instead, I found Octavia, Monty, Raven, Miller and Harper waiting with smiling faces at our entrance. For a moment, it felt like old times as we glanced at each other and I felt a surge of optimism for the mission. We finished gathering supplies and endured a short briefing from Kane and Abby before we were finally allowed to leave the camp.

It was a gruelling journey to the place that I had been rescued from barely weeks ago. Due to the fact that I was unconscious during the return to camp, I hadn’t realised the distance and I gained a new appreciation for the challenge that it had been to assault the facility. As we strolled through the endless trees we filled the time with idle chatter and it was strangely peaceful to be surrounded by those closest to me. Monty revealed that he had left Jasper in Knox’s care and I found myself hoping that he was kinder to the poor kid than he had been to either of us.

As Bellamy announced that we were near the entrance now, I felt a fresh set of nerves build in my stomach and I was pleased when he dropped to the back of the group to slip his hand into mine in a gesture of reassurance that I sorely needed. Any other members of our group who had been held inside the mountain became shifty and awkward too; Harper in particular seemed legitimately stressed and I smiled when I noticed Monty subtly placed a hand on her arm to steady her. As the oversized bunker door crept into view, I struggled to contain a wave of terror that caused me to break into trembling all over and Harper paused to gag between the trees. The others waited patiently whilst we took a moment to compose ourselves and Bellamy positioned himself to block me from their view so that I could recover without an audience.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this, Love?” He enquired with his brows furrowed deeply in concern and I nodded in response, despite the fear that blossomed in my chest. “You don’t have to go in there if you’ve changed your mind, or if it’s too much. You’re in control here.” He asserted and I smiled at him fondly with a deep appreciation for his careful wording. I was impressed that he had chosen to ensure that he empowered me and as he observed me attentively, I felt my nerves slowly minimising back under my control in the safety that he radiated. When I next met his eyes, I displayed a new determination and he smiled proudly at me. “Alright, I’ll be right there the whole time, you’re safe.” He soothed, before turning to rejoin our friends. “Let’s get this over with.” He announced as he led us toward the door and I took long, slow breaths on the approach.

The moment that we entered the facility, the first thing that we noticed was the pungent smell of death. Harper barely managed a few steps inside, before she ran back out to vomit and I frantically covered my face with my hands in a desperate bid to prevent myself from following suit. Bellamy snatched the rag from his belt and wrapped it over my nose and mouth, without any consideration for his own discomfort. Even Octavia could not contain her reaction, despite her well practiced controlled exterior and the group quickly ensured that they all sourced something to cover their faces with. 

The familiar halls and spaces contained horrors that rivalled even my nightmares as almost every room contained bodies in various stages of decay. It was abundantly clear that none of us had prepared for this issue and we spent a gruelling few hours dragging them outside to burn. It was thankless work and I found myself wishing that we had been provided with a larger group for this particular task. 

Once we had cleared the dead, Bellamy announced that cleaning of the bunker could wait until the next outing and we gathered around a map of the facility to strategise. We divided ourselves into smaller groups and planned to each search a different area for the necessary supplies. Monty and Harper teamed up for communication devices or other useful technology, Miller and Raven beelined for food whilst Octavia was assigned a list of priority medications from Abby. Bellamy and I were left to search for weaponry and as we all split with instructions to regroup, I was relieved to have a moment alone. I turned to face Bellamy as I dropped my facade of calm and he assessed me with a clear anxiety in his expression.

“How you doing Indie?” He asked with a soft tone to his voice and I sighed as I fidgeted on the spot. There was an overwhelming nervous energy flowing through my body as I battled to remain focused on the task rather than the panic that lurked at the back of my mind. It took constant concentration to hold myself together and I willed myself to complete this mission without having a full breakdown of any sort.

“It’s surreal to be here, especially with you.” I grumbled quietly as I fiddled with my hands and he smiled supportively. “This is where I grieved for you. And yet, here you are, standing in front of me as if none of it happened. I guess it just starts to feel hard to tell dreams from reality, you know.” I explained and he nodded at me with a patient understanding that was comforting to witness. He stepped closer and took my face in his hands carefully.

“Let me help.” He whispered as he leaned in to place a chaste kiss on my forehead and I felt myself relax slightly at the warmth of his touch. “That feel real to you?” He asked with adoration glistening in his eyes and I stared into them with a swelling in my heart. I nodded bashfully, earning a smile from him as he took this as incentive to continue. He graced his lips delicately on one of my cheeks, before trailing his way teasingly past my mouth to the other cheek. “How about that?” He breathed against my skin and I nodded again as I gulped in anticipation. “Good. Final test, is this real to you yet Indigo?” His voice grew gruff and raspy as he found his way to my lips and although he was holding the heat between us at bay with his cautious movements, the connection of his kiss blew the breath from my lungs.

I had expected by now for his effect on me to have waned somewhat, or at least to have lost the extremity of it’s edge, but as we stood in the very halls where I fell into him for the first time, I felt the same overwhelming, world spinning thrill as I did then. Whenever he kissed me, it was grounding and his devotion always blew any fear away, as I knew that I couldn’t have imagined something as incredible as this. When he finally stepped away, I felt far more equipped to deal with the situation and I smiled at him with appreciation that came directly from my heart.

“Definitely real.” I commented smugly and he chuckled before he took my hand to lead toward our assigned role.

“Okay, let me know if you need to check again.” He remarked with a wink that made my heart flip. 

We searched several areas that we had highlighted as potential storage for weaponry and gathered a small selection of items from each as we continued from room to room. Bellamy stepped into our final location first and fiddled around in search of a light switch, whilst I kept my attention on him so that I wouldn’t spiral into panic. Whilst I waited, it occurred to me that he had purposely chosen our task around avoiding dorms or any of the common areas and I was once again struck with how considerate he was of my needs. As the lights flickered into life on the ridiculously high ceilings, I realised that we were in a hangar sized space that was crammed with weaponry that overflowed from the shelves and I turned to face Bellamy in open mouthed shock.

“Holy shit! Jackpot.” I hissed as he stared around in amazement. He took a few careful steps into the room and I followed with my eyes roaming the shelves. Although logically I knew that this bunker had been designed to survive and endure, it was shocking to discover this level of preparation. We wandered aimlessly through the stacks of shelves until we emerged to an area where large shutters waited behind an unfamiliar vehicle and I glanced back at Bellamy with an exhilarated smile. “You think it works?” I crooned with an excitement that was clearly contagious and his eyes twinkled with hope.

“Let’s find out.” He suggested as he rushed toward the driver’s door and I ran to the passenger side with my heartbeat pounding. The doors opened easily to our surprise and we slid into the seats. Bellamy immediately began searching for a set of keys whilst I was distracted by the large area in the back that could easily accommodate our group and a substantial amount of salvage. 

“We could take so much more home with this!” I exclaimed as I turned back to the front and felt optimism filling the space that my anxiety had inhabited until now. I hadn’t expected to find anything this helpful inside the mountain and found myself feeling thankful that we’d taken this risk. Bellamy pulled down the sun visor and released a set of keys that dropped toward his lap. He caught them mid air with a flourish and fixed me with a dazzling smile. 

“It’s a good day, Love.” He stated with a cheerful tone that made my stomach fizz and I relished in his joy. As he fiddled to insert the keys, I clocked him with a worried realisation and felt the return of some anxiety.

“Wait a second. Do you even know how to drive?” I enquired with concern and he paused momentarily at my scrutiny. A wicked smile spread across his face and I felt my stomach lurch in dread. This was a familiar expression that I knew was usually closely followed by some kind of reckless decision and I was unsure if I could handle this side of him today.

“Eh, how hard can it be?” He stated and I cocked a brow at him suspiciously. He turned the keys confidently in the ignition and the engine grumbled to life. I gasped at the victory whilst he held both fists up in celebration and we high fived in a shared moment of excitement. “Alright, what have we got? Accelerator, brakes, yeah I’ve got this.” He mumbled aloud as I assessed him nervously.

“Calm your jets, Bel. Are you sure this is a good idea? Maybe we should just wait for Raven, I bet she could give us a full crash course.” I reasoned in a calm manner and he rolled his eyes at me. For the first time since our original camp, I felt as if I were boring him with my attitude and a tingle of nostalgia crossed my chest.

“Have a little faith Indie, I know what I’m doing.” He asserted with an overpowering confidence and I viewed him sceptically. “Buckle up.” He instructed and I rushed to strap myself in as he prepared to test whether the vehicle could still manage any movement. “Are you ready for the ride of your life?” He winked as he spoke and I felt a flutter of nervous butterflies as I nodded back with my hand tightly clinging to the handle above the door. “Now, if I just-”

I hardly noticed what it was that caused the car to spur into action, but before he could even finish his sentence the vehicle surged forward and crashed a set of shelving to the ground in a clattering noise that sent its contents flying. Bellamy’s head bounced lightly against the steering wheel, rousing into action ancient airbags that exploded dust clouds over the pair of us and I yelped in shock.

“Oh my god! Oh my god, are you alright?” I asked with a wave of terror as I frantically examined him and when he met my eyes, I couldn’t contain a snort of laughter at his bewildered expression. In barely moments we had descended into hysterical cackling and each of us fed the others uncontrollable fits. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I could barely catch my breath as he guffawed back at me. I realised that we had never had the chance to share playfulness like this before and I treasured the innocent pleasure that beamed across Bellamy’s face. 

When we could finally calm ourselves enough to speak, he peeked out at the chaos that he’d caused through the windscreen, then returned his attention to me with amusement dancing in his eyes.

“You have to cover for me. When the team gets here, say it was you who drove into the shelving and dented the brand new vehicle we  _ just _ found.” He instructed in his best attempt at any authoritative voice and I raised my brows at him with a scoff.

“Hell no! This is  _ gold _ ! This is all you, baby.” I defended with the lilt of laughter still clear in my voice and I wiped at my damp cheeks. Although I’d been pleased to share this experience with him, I partly wished that anyone else had been here to witness it as he tried to shift the blame.

“Come on Indie, this is my reputation we’re talking about! I’m their unit leader.” He pleaded and I felt myself easily slipping into giggles again at his embarrassment. I could only imagine the expressions on the faces of the trainees if they realised that their leader was an overconfident goofball and felt a new appreciation for the fact that I had the privilege to experience this side of him.

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you went all Evel Knievel on it?” I snorted and he reached over to playfully jab me in the side, only causing me to laugh harder.

We managed to move the vehicle back into its original position and assessed that other than some minor marks on the bonnet, there were no obvious signs of damage. I assisted Bellamy in replacing the shelving and items, before he radioed the others to inform them of our discovery. He instructed Raven to come to us for a full assessment of the vehicle before we could increase the amount of supplies we gathered. We brushed the dust from our clothes and attempted to clear each other's faces, despite the mutual distrust about whether we’d truly got it all. The air bags were practically impossible to return correctly but Bellamy was adamant that no one would ever have to know that they’d gone off.

Once Raven had recovered from the thrill of discovering the vehicle, she confirmed that it was likely to be able to manage the journey back to Arkadia, but asserted that it would need some work once home. She busied herself with seeking out the parts needed for the repairs whilst Bellamy and I arranged a larger stack of weaponry to place in the boot. Deep in the shelves, I worked through the items to ensure that I collected a mixture that would give us an advantage and startled as Raven crept up beside me.

“So, about that rover...I noticed that the panel on the airbags is broken, and it’s pretty dusty in there?” She spoke smugly and I gave my best effort to shrug innocently. She thinned her eyes at me and I felt myself gulp involuntarily. “You two been going at it instead of working?” She crooned and my eyes widened dramatically.

“No! That’s so gross Raven!” I hissed under my breath and a satisfied cackle escaped Raven’s composure. “Let’s just say that I think it would be best if you drove us home.” I reported with a playful wink and I noticed that her expression dropped slightly. I tilted my head at her in confusion and she released a long sigh.

“I can’t. The walk here was already too much for my stupid leg.” She admitted bitterly as she avoided my gaze and I kicked myself inwardly for being too focused on my own anxieties to notice her struggle. I reached out to put a hand on her arm and was pleased when she reluctantly met my eyes.

“Hey, that’s okay, next time for sure.” I asserted and she nodded slowly. “In the meantime, I think we’d all appreciate it if you could give Bellamy some pointers.” I hinted and she smiled at my insinuation. I glanced around to check that we were alone and dropped my voice so that I couldn’t be overheard. “He crashed it into the shelves earlier.” I revealed and was relieved when she returned to laughing. It was always difficult for me to witness Raven suffering and I made a mental note to check on her more frequently in future. 

Bellamy’s voice carried across the hangar as he returned with the others and we regrouped to finish loading supplies into the back of the rover. Raven seized the opportunity to instruct Bellamy under the guise of confirming that everything worked as it should and I was thankful for her subtlety for a change. There was a buzz of excitement in the air as we piled into the rover and I could practically feel the relief in the group that we wouldn’t have to walk. Bellamy turned the key in the ignition and I made a point of fastening my seatbelt whilst smirking at him. 

“Not a word.” He grumbled as a warning and I struggled to suppress a smile at our in-joke.

“I didn’t say anything.” I breathed with a wide smile that forced its way onto my face and I noticed that his lips twitched upward too.

I was relieved to find that Bellamy’s driving was far soother now that he had spoken with Raven and it was actually a pleasant journey through the woods as the others chatted casually in the cramped back seats. There was a strange sense of peace that filled the overpacked space and as I looked into the rear view mirror, I noticed that even Octavia had relaxed into the warm atmosphere. 

We drove for hours until Bellamy started to seem confused and we descended into bickering as I made my best effort to direct him with a painfully simple map of the area. I didn’t even notice that the rest of the car had fallen silent to listen to us until Octavia called out to assist Bellamy with her knowledge of the area. As we moved off again, Bellamy glanced over at me sheepishly and I clenched my jaw in a huff.

“Christ, this is like the real road trip experience, mom and dad arguing in the front.” Miller commented idly from behind and rapidly the tension disappeared as I could sense every person in the vehicle struggling to suppress their amusement. 

“Are we nearly there yet?” Harper groaned dramatically as I kept my eyes trained on the passenger window in an effort to hide my expression. 

“Mom, dad, I have to pee.” Raven announced to further fuel the group who were quickly falling into an exhaustion fuelled, playful delirium. 

“God, Raven, you’re the worst. That’s the fifth time.” Monty crooned in a convincing tone and I could hardly believe that this conversation was gaining momentum.

“I have a small bladder, leave me alone.” She defended bitterly as her voice cracked and she began to laugh. The energy that bounced between them was almost palpable in the small containment of the back compartment and I felt a pull of sentimentality as I processed how pleasant it was to be able to share humour with them.

“I’m hungry, can I open the snacks?” Octavia asked in a whinier voice than I’d ever heard her use and I rolled my eyes at her dramatic performance as Bellamy peeked at me out of the corner of his eyes. I could feel that he was as delighted by their enjoyment of this time together as I was and we shared a subtle smile at each other.

“Mom, Miller hit me!” Harper called, causing the entire group to break into vivacious laughter that filled the vehicle with warmth. I couldn’t recall a time where I’d heard them behave in such a manner and I could no longer resist indulging in the playful atmosphere.

“Stop distracting your father or you’ll all be going to bed early.” I scolded as I finally caved to their childish game with a wink at Bellamy and he chuckled to himself.

“Hey!” Bellamy called authoritatively and they all flinched in surprise as their attention turned to him nervously. “You better behave back there or so help me god, I will turn this car around.” He ordered with a blatant smirk spread across his lips and the others cheered at his participation.

“What about you two, going to bed early?” Raven crooned with a suggestive wink and I threw a bread roll at her head from the bag at the front.

The rest of the journey passed in a blur and several members of the group fell asleep in the back. Bellamy occasionally glanced over at me with a fond smile which I couldn’t help returning. It was a strange outcome for a day that began full of dread to be one of my favourite days since we arrived on Earth. I peeked into the rearview mirror to observe my peacefully sleeping, ragtag family huddled together in the back and smiled in contentment. In this moment, I felt that life truly couldn’t get any better and I found myself finally starting to accept my new reality. 

***

The sound of conversation and laughter filled the air as we relaxed in the metal seats under the night sky. There was a feeling of intense satisfaction in the camp tonight after a particularly delightful meal made with the food from the mountain and I had been thrilled to discover that Miller had snuck a plentiful supply of alcohol into the back of the rover. We had promptly set about creating a simple bar and a terrace area in the camp upon our return. As Harper, Raven and I drank in a chilled state, I felt pleased that we had chosen to install this area and noticed several other members of camp settling nearby.

“To us!” Raven announced as she lifted her cup and we all toasted. “We are the heroes of food and booze.” She added with a smirk and we chuckled at her brazen attitude. We’d been here for a while, observing the bustling activity of camp whilst we caught up on petty gossip and Raven, as usual, downed twice the amount of drinks as Harper or I. She had already given Harper a thorough grilling on Monty, from which I’d had to rescue her before Raven caused any long term trauma. I sighed in contentment as I glanced between them and now that she was well warmed, I decided to use this opportunity to attempt to pry information from Raven. 

“So, Raven, a little birdy told me that there was a potential suitor around whilst we were away.” I began in a smooth tone and Harper sat forward in interest. Raven tensed slightly as she viewed me with a deep suspicion.

“Oh really? And who told you that?” She asked with a pout that revealed her displeasure in my knowledge of this and I thinned my eyes at her. I couldn’t understand why she hadn’t mentioned it and her avoidance of the topic only further fueled my interest.

“Nice try, but I know better than to rat out my sources, especially to you, or they’ll never tell me anything again.” I teased as I sipped my cup with a resolute expression and she rolled her eyes. I could only imagine what she would do to timid Knox if she knew that he had been gossiping to me and I decided that he did not deserve such a fate.

“Don’t avoid the question, you weren’t this shy when it came to grilling me!” Harper stated as she addressed her with a wink and leaned closer to examine her. “Now, spill the tea.” She insisted with a jab which Raven flinched away from her in annoyance. It was fascinating to watch their developing friendship and I hoped that Raven might accept her support eventually as she had mine. From the reports of others in the camp, she’d been making quite the attempt to isolate herself recently and I knew that it would take consistent work to undo that.

“There’s nothing to spill!” She whined in a voice that was entirely the wrong pitch for her and I knew immediately that she was lying as she shuffled in her seat. “Why do you even want to know?” She enquired defensively and Harper scoffed under her breath.

“Such a hypocrite!” She hissed as she crossed her arms at me and I chuckled at her reaction. I had known Raven long enough to recognise her tight lipped attitude when it came to sharing anything she didn’t want to and I smiled knowingly at Harper before turning my attention to our avoidant friend. If I were going to prize this information from her, it would take some well planned tactics.

“I’m a concerned friend, I need to check that whoever it is deserves you.” I explained in an almost convincing tone as she cocked a brow at me.

“Bitch, have you ever known me to drop my standards? I know my worth.” She asserted, before she leaned forward to assess me in a movement that made my stomach lurch. I recognised the glint in her eyes and tried to steel myself for a counter attack. “Besides, if I’m gonna part with that kind of information, I’m gonna need something in return.” She began with a smile and I felt my spine straighten in response. I knew immediately that I’d made a mistake by challenging her and tried to seem unphased by her demand.

“Oh, here we go.” I muttered as she observed me like an animal studying its prey. Already I regretted initiating this conversation and I hadn’t even heard her price yet.

“I wanna know what it was like when you finally got it on with Bellamy, give me the  _ details _ . What’s he like? Does he have any kinks? Was it rough, or is that all just bravado? Ooh, how big's his dick?!” She spurted out the questions in rapid fire and my cheeks grew red at the same speed. Harper choked loudly on her drink and it poured out of her nostrils as she struggled to catch her breath.

“Raven!” I scolded as my mouth dropped open in shock and she smiled in a manner that indicated she was thoroughly pleased with herself. I glanced over at Harper for assistance, who had now finished drying herself off and was peeking between us with riveted interest.

“This outta be good.” Harper muttered and I sighed in disappointment at her betrayal after my earlier support of her. I made a mental note to allow Raven to question her to her heart's desire in future.

“Don’t be a prude!” Raven remarked as she rounded on me again. “Is it big?” She asked with absolutely no shame in sight and I squirmed in my seat with a gulp. “Oh yeah, looks like he would be big. Your face says it is.” She teased and I covered my face in humiliation whilst she cackled wickedly.

“You know, until now I’ve never wished that I died in Mount Weather.” I groaned as I squinted back up at the two of them and although Harper smiled apologetically, Raven simply shrugged with a complete lack of any remorse. I had always known that she was able to embarrass me at any time, but it was clear she was demonstrating the full power of her ability to teach me a lesson.

“Your face is almost blending into your hair there, lover.” She commented as she sipped on her drink with a smug expression. I decided in this moment that I would need to develop a far thicker skin before I ever attempted to corner her again. 

“Just cause you’re my friend, that doesn’t mean I won’t kick you in the face.” I spat as I twitched toward her threateningly and she simply held her middle finger up carelessly.

“Oh jesus Mel, give it a rest.” Harper muttered as we both regarded her in confusion. “Talk about barking up the wrong tree.” She added as she indicated to her side and we followed her eyeline to Bellamy. He was standing in the courtyard chatting to a young, brunette girl who seemed particularly more invested in the conversation than he did. I felt my stomach lurch slightly at the way that she batted her lashes at him but ensured that it didn’t show on my face as Raven turned back to consider us with a cold expression. 

“Yeah, she’s definitely trying it.” She drawled with an obvious annoyance that she shared with Harper as she met her eyes and I was warmed by their defensiveness on my behalf. “You wanna sort that out Indie?” Raven suggested with a gesture over her shoulder and stern eyes.

“It’s fine.” I remarked as I forced a smile and tone that I hoped was casual. “Bellamy’s a big boy, he can do whatever he wants.” I stated with a shrug and studied my drink in an effort to avoid their reactions. There was a moment of silence as I could sense that they were deciding how to address my apparent lack of interest and sighed as I expected to be scolded.

“Is he a big boy though?” Harper muttered under her breath and I gasped as my eyes snapped back up to her suggestive smile with shock.

“Harper!” I cried in outrage and playfully slapped her arm. “Jesus, I expect that kind of savagery from her but not you!” I scolded as I fought to contain a smile and returned my scowl to Raven. “You’re a terrible influence, you know that?” I accused and she simply shrugged, before she glanced over her shoulder again with a growing disbelief.

“You’re just gonna let that be?” She grilled and my attention flitted over to find Mel touching Bellamy’s arm fondly as he shifted in a subtly awkward gesture that probably would’ve been unnoticable to anyone else. I felt a pang of annoyance at her ongoing efforts but tried to remind myself that Bellamy hadn’t made any commitments to me, nor had I requested any, so I felt that I had no right to be upset. “She’s literally doing it right in front of you.” Raven groaned as she observed their conversation with a disgusted look.

“I don’t think she even knows who I am, Raven. She has no idea  _ not _ to do it in front of me.” I commented idly and realised that Bellamy didn’t even seem to be aware that we were here. Raven cocked a brow at me sceptically. “What would you suggest?” I asked in exasperation and as she assessed Mel with a darkness in her eyes, I immediately regretted my invitation for her twisted ideas.

“Me? I’d slap her about.” She stated in a cold tone as she took a long sip from her cup and gave a meaningful expression.

“Shit, Raven!” I hissed as my mouth dropped open in disbelief and even Harper flinched at her words. This was extreme even for Raven and I began to realise that our time apart had changed her more than I had cared to address yet. 

“She’s just a dumb kid, we’ve all been there.” Harper breathed in a sympathetic tone and Raven rolled her eyes in disappointment at the two of us.

“Baby, if you don’t want to tell him to behave, I get it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t scare  _ her _ the hell off.” She presented her case with a clear belief in the validity of her wisdom and I scoffed at her simple logic. “Look, all I’m saying is that I’ve tried to be the cool, understanding girl who just waits for my guy to pick me and look at where it got me. I should’ve taken Clarke out of the picture when I had the chance.” She avoided my gaze as she stared down at her hands and her face was filled with bitterness. I watched her with a deep sympathy but before I could say anything, she cleared her throat and forced a smile. “How about this: I’ll hold her down and you punch.” She suggested with a deviant wink and I stared at her with wide eyes.

“Okay, you know what, I’m sensing a hint of bitterness, and a serious anger problem and...hmm...you getting cut off for the night.” I declared as I leaned forward to snatch the drink from her hands before leaning back to gesture to the bartender that she was done and he gave a thumbs up in confirmation. “Thank you.” I chanted as I tipped the drink into my cup and she crossed her arms at me.

“Wow, I thought we were friends.” She blurted in an accusing manner and I chuckled under my breath.

“We are friends! And friends don’t let friends drink and drive...their life into the ground.” I spoke with a flourish of my hands for emphasis and she groaned in disapproval as she moved to a standing position.

“Whatever, I have a stash in my room.” She spat as she stumbled slightly on the spot and I scanned her unsteady posture with a worried smile.

“You’re a menace to society, you know that?” I drawled whilst she simply yawned at me to imply that I was too dull for her interest. “You sure you can even make it back there in one piece?” I enquired with a lightly teasing tone and she scoffed loudly at my question.

“Fuck you.” She groaned and although Harper shifted awkwardly at her aggressive tone, I caught a sly wink before Raven shuffled away in a veering journey towards the Ark.

“Don’t worry, she’ll get over it. She just needs to sleep off the temper.” I confirmed with a smile as I sipped from my cup and Harper visibly relaxed at my confirmation. 


	45. Tᴇᴇɴᴀɢᴇ Kɪᴄᴋs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a little weird, I had a headcanon and I went with it. Let me know what you think ;)

Several hours had passed since Raven took off, and Harper and I were joined by the rest of our group from the day. We all crowded around the table which was now overflowing with drinks and there was an intense game of cards taking place. The atmosphere was joyful and celebratory in a way that I hadn’t seen since Unity Day and it was heartwarming to see the faces of my family that had been aged by hardship light up in each other's company. Even Bellamy had joined the drinking, but whilst the others threw back their cups with enthusiasm, he simply continued to nurse his first drink in his usual controlled manner. I was starting to feel relaxed and warm in a way that I knew was fuelled by the alcohol, but still felt completely in control of my actions. There was raucous laughter as Harper successfully defeated Monty with her sly tactics.

“Alright, come on mom and dad, it’s time you stopped hiding on the sidelines and joined in.” Octavia stated as she set her sights on Bellamy and I with a determination glinting in her eyes. “Deal them in, loser has to down their drink.” She announced and Bellamy chuckled as he shook his head at her. “Come on Bel, you’re supposed to be the big brother, it’s about time I got to see you drunk.” She drawled as she slapped his arm and he groaned at her in disappointment. 

“Hell, I’m in. But i’ve been here for hours already so I’m at a disadvantage.” I stated, as Octavia cheered in excitement and returned her expectant expression to Bellamy. “I think if Bellamy dares to join the delinquent life, he should have to catch up first.” I challenged as I bit my lip suggestively at him and the entire group whooped as they waited with baited breath for his decision. I held Bellamy’s tempted gaze with my heart hammering in my chest.

“Bring the drinks.” He ordered without breaking eye contact and I felt my stomach fizz with nervous anticipation. Miller clapped in celebration and hopped to his feet to fetch three straight shots, which he lined up in front of Bellamy with a flourish. Bellamy glanced up at me with a competitive fire in his eyes, before swiftly sinking each shot whilst his audience cheered him on. When he successfully finished the set, I raised my brows in surprise and he winked slyly at me over the table.

The card game was tense as people gradually dropped out at the cost of numerous forfeit drinks and they munched on a couple of bowls of peanuts that Miller had snuck out of stocks as they watched the remaining players. Most of the surrounding tables emptied as the majority of camp retired for bed, but our party continued into the darkness until eventually only Bellamy and I remained in a showdown that exhilarated the group. We were caught in a silent staring contest as we each attempted to intimidate the other into cracking and I could sense the thrill of those observing the match with baited breath.

“You think I’m lying badboy?” I drawled in a low voice and Bellamy smirked confidently from behind his cards.

“I know all your tells, Scrappy.” He crooned and I felt my nose scrunch up with the width of my smile. It was practically impossible to be subtle about my attraction to him with my inhibitions so lowered and I suspected that our friends were enjoying the blatant flirtation between us.

“Sorry baby, but you don’t.” I whispered as I revealed my winning hand and he cursed under his breath whilst the group around us roared in laughter. “Drink up Bel.” I winked and he bitterly forced down the entirety of his cup with a grimace. Octavia leaned over to high five me and we sniggered together with matching pink cheeks from intoxication.

“Indie, catch!” Monty called as he threw a peanut at my face and after playing this game for hours at a time with him and Jasper back in our old camp, I instinctively leaned forward to catch it in my mouth. He could hardly believe his eyes when I successfully managed it and gasped at me. “Bullshit!” He hissed in shock as I remembered missing every single throw in the past and I laughed at him fondly. “Bet you can’t do it again.” He stated and I shrugged to welcome another launched peanut. This time when he threw it, my reflexes were too slow and it missed my face completely. Instead, it hit my chest and promptly disappeared into my top.

“Ah shit, I think that went in my cleavage.” I remarked as I shook my top in the hope of releasing it to no avail and several of the men in our small gathering found this hilarious.

“Hold on, I can help with that.” Bellamy commented as he stood from his seat and I viewed him suspiciously.

“Don’t even think about it.” I emphasised as I held a finger up to him in warning and he strode over to me with a mischievous smile fixed in place. “Bellamy, don’t!” I attempted to sound firm but my voice cracked with the hint of a giggle and he stepped behind me to shove his hand down my top without any hesitation. “Oh my god Bel, stop!” I cried between filthy cackles and I could feel his sloppy laughter against my back. I struggled in my seat with a squeal as he took his time to search around thoroughly and the group fell apart in disbelieving laughter. “Get off me, you animal” I tried to shout but a snort escaped and Bellamy almost choked on his delight. He finally stepped back with the peanut held up victoriously, much to the cheers of his audience. I knew what he was about to do in the moment before he moved as he met my eyes and threw the peanut into his mouth. “Ew! That is so gross!” I groaned and Octavia covered her face beside me.

“Alright, that last game is going to be hard to beat. Strip poker for the next round?” Miller suggested and I stared at him in shock.

“Oh, not a chance! I think I’m gonna head off before it gets any worse.” I announced as I wobbled my way into a standing position. I was amazed at how steady Bellamy was beside me and it was clear that our size difference gave him a rather substantial advantage when it came to alcohol tolerance.

“What about truth or dare?” Monty chirped and I paused in place as I considered his words for a moment. I slowly slid back towards the chair, but for some reason I didn’t quite meet it as something held me in place.

“Nope.” Bellamy stated defensively as he noticed my interest and wasted no time in hoisting me over his shoulder in a graceless movement that earned a squeal of surprise from me. “I’m taking her before she can cause any more trouble, any objections?” He addressed the crowd who simply waved him off and continued drinking whilst he carried me away.

Once we were back in his quarters, he dropped me onto the bed with a thump. I took a moment to sit up after the dizziness of hanging upside down and he wandered the room in search of something. I noticed that music began playing and scanned the space in confusion. 

“Got this from Mount Weather, thought we could have a little fun.” He explained as he indicated to a radio and handed me a cup of whisky that he’d swiped from the bar. He dropped onto the bed beside me and I leaned over to place my head on his shoulder. There was a romantic old song playing gently in the background and I smiled fondly at him.

“I didn’t know you liked this kind of music.” I commented idly and he shrugged in a relaxed manner.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” He remarked and I felt a pang of sadness at his words. It had never occurred to me before now how little we actually knew about each other and I was uncomfortable with the idea that, despite feeling that I knew him better than I knew myself, he was right. His face contorted into a guilty expression as he studied me and I realised that I must have revealed my feelings. He crossed the room to change to an upbeat swing song and strolled back over to hold a hand out to me. “Dance with me?” He offered and I viewed him with suspicion. He waved his hand to encourage me and I took it nervously.

The moment that I stepped to my feet, he pulled me into him and began guiding me in a simple but quick two step. I felt my mouth drop open in shock at how efficient he was at this and he dipped me backwards in a smooth tilt. When I straightened back up, he flashed me a dazzling smile and I couldn’t contain a laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. 

“What is  _ happening _ right now?” I cried as he spun me around and I fell back into his arms clumsily. “You can dance?” I questioned with a growing confusion and he chuckled charmingly.

“My mom was all about dancing before Octavia was born. I used to practice with her all the time.” He revealed and I felt my face light up as I beamed at him. “Guess I still know some moves.” He winked and I found myself staring at him in awe.

“I never would have guessed that you have rhythm.” I remarked with a delighted expression as I watched him with a renewed appreciation.

“I didn’t realise you had  _ none _ .” He teased as I mocked offence and he had to puppet me into the correct place as I tripped over my feet again. I would love to be able to blame it on the alcohol, but if I was honest with myself I’d never really had the coordination for any kind of dancing. 

“What can I say, I’m more of a rock and roll girl.” I commented in my defence and his brows raised, before he quickly changed to a fond smile.

“Yeah, that actually makes sense for you.” He muttered as he seemed to view me with a new assessment. The song changed to a ballad and we slowed into a close sway. I moved one of my hands to his face and caressed the edge of his jaw. “Octavia doesn’t even know about this.” He admitted quietly and I cocked a brow at him in interest. “I want you to know me...  _ really _ know me.” He dropped his voice to a low tone and stared into my eyes with a deep sense of adoration.

“I’d like that.” I expressed, with the feeling of my heart swelling in my chest when he smiled at me. I felt as if I wanted to stay lost in this moment, with the dreamy music and warm fuzzy feeling, forever. I could hardly believe that it was real and the thought crossed my mind that I’d never imagined experiencing anything like what I had with Bellamy. “Alright, my turn. Let me show you what I grew up on.” I chimed as I stepped out of his arms and crossed the room to the radio. “What have we got here?” I mumbled as I flipped through the available songs and he settled in a seat with a fresh glass of whisky, watching me with blatant amusement.

I could feel the effects of the alcohol now as the last of my inhibitions dissolved and Bellamy barely seemed to be feeling a light buzz by comparison. Finally, I selected a song with a cheer and turned the volume up to blaring. He laughed as I threw my jacket off dramatically and started to whip my hair around. I downed what remained of my whisky before descending into fully jumping around with flailing arms and very little semblance of any form of dancing. I forged an unsteady path toward him and pulled him to his feet. It took some considerable convincing, but he eventually dropped his guard and joined me in our own 2 person rave.

He suddenly paused in place and studied me with an awestruck expression. I opened my mouth to question him when he fell into my space and slammed his lips against mine. There was something more frantic about his kisses tonight, as if the calm control that he so carefully maintained the rest of the time had been removed by the shots that I’d baited him into earlier. My body immediately responded to his contact with an urgency that was emboldened by my lack of inhibitions. 

I threaded my fingers into his hair and pushed myself up against him hungrily. The low growl that escaped his throat only spurred me on and I deepened the kiss before he could. We broke apart for just long enough to both start removing clothes from the other before clashing together again. I jumped up to wrap my legs around his waist and he wasted no time in gripping me in place. Several items of furniture clattered over noisily even over the sound of the music and I laughed against him at the chaos.

Bellamy pushed me against the wall and pressed his body against me with a level of dominance that was new but not unwelcome. His hands were all over me and I could hardly catch my breath as he altered between sloppy kisses and nipping my neck. He deftly removed my trousers whilst I was too distracted to notice and following a particularly head spinning connection of our lips, he tugged my hair. I released a moan that sent him wild and he gripped me tightly to him as he strode over to the bed. We crashed onto it in a fashion that produced a worrying variety of crunches from the bed frame but we were too absorbed in each other to care. As he resumed his mind blowing conquest, I knew that tonight would be an experience to remember.

***

The very first thing that filled my consciousness was a pounding that was so powerful, it seemed it could split my head in two. My mouth was so dry I could easily be convinced that I had been living in the desert for months and I was pretty sure that if I dared to move even a single muscle, I would vomit. After a while of lying perfectly still and wallowing in my own self pity, I dragged myself into sitting upright and the entire room spun around me. I could barely comprehend my environment through my blurred vision and wondered if I was actually still drunk. My entire body throbbed from last night's antics and my desperate need for water urged me from the tangled sheets. I tried to gingerly slide myself to my feet and instead fell gracelessly from the bed in a flop.

Following some considerable effort, I managed to coordinate my limbs into the clothes that were strewn across the room between the carnage. I carried my jacket by my side as I felt a cold sweat covering my skin and wandered on shaky legs in search of fresh air. As I stepped out into the breeze of camp, I took a moment to indulge in some deep breaths as I considered who I could count on for hangover advice. Instinctively, I found myself shuffling toward Raven’s quarters and as I opened the door, I stumbled inside with my arms outstretched for balance. The moment that I fell into the room, Raven glanced up at me with a grimace and a hiss. My puffy, matted hair hung in front of my face and I panted from the strain of getting here.

“You look like hell.” She commented with a hint of amusement in her tone and I groaned loudly in response.

“I think I’m dying.” I gasped with a hoarse voice and she chuckled as she raised from her seat to rattle around in the cupboards. I struggled to keep myself in an upright position as I worried how I would ever be able to move any further than this exact spot and felt as if the space was mocking me with it’s rapid rotations. Raven crossed the room to hand me a bottle of water and a bag of food.

“I remember my first hangover, I felt the same. Drink plenty and get some food in your stomach, it’ll help.” She advised as she smiled at me and I attempted a nod that only made the room spin faster. “And sit down before you fall down.” She added sternly as she returned to her workbench and I followed her with a heavy footsteps. I dropped onto a stall beside her and drank from the bottle as if I’d never had water in my life. Raven pointed at the food insistently and I held back a burp. 

“Oh god, I can’t do it.” I cried as I tossed the bag onto the bench and leaned forward to place my elbows on the surface with my face in my hands. My hair fell forward to block out my surroundings but I heard Raven take a sharp breath, then barely suppress a laugh.

“Seems like you had a hell of a night.” She crooned and I scoffed as I tried not to linger on my hazy memories. Everything was a mess in my mind and although I remembered enjoying every moment of the events, their sequence was still a mystery to me. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if some of it was possible or I’d potentially just experienced a montage of hormone fuelled, boozy dreams.

“You have no idea.” I muttered as I felt a surge of embarrassment flooding through me. For a moment, I was distinctly sure that our activities had been rather more vocal than usual and I realised that a lack of inhibitions may have caused some significantly more adventurous parts of my personality to reveal itself. I shook my head in an effort to distract myself from the highlight reel that threatened to fill my mind.

“Oh, I have some idea.” Raven remarked with a deviousness that made a shiver run down my spine. I leaned back to examine her with nerves building in my stomach and she studied me with her lips pursed smugly. 

“You know what, I don’t even want to know what you mean by that.” I stated with a long sigh, deciding that I didn’t have the strength for her mockery today. “I’m supposed to be working today, you got any tips on how I can do that?” I asked with a desperate, pleading expression and hoped that I could simply battle through my pain. She looked momentarily sympathetic before a wicked smirk spread across her face.

“I don’t know if you want to go to work after you kept people up pretty late last night.” She stated with a cocked brow and I gulped involuntarily. I prayed that her insinuation was merely in jest and that she would follow it with a confirmation that she was referring to the over exuberant noise of our card games last night, but her silence was deafening as she continued to stare back at me with a knowing look.

“Yeah, I guess the music was pretty loud, got a little carried away.” I mumbled as I shuffled in my seat and battled not to appear embarrassed. There is no way she could know anything about what happened in the privacy of our room and I was determined not to fall into her trap of accidentally revealing any details this time.

“Oh, I know  _ exactly _ how carried away you got, pretty sure the whole camp does.” She reported and I felt my stomach lurch at her statement. “It wasn’t the music that you need to worry about Indie, I don’t think it was  _ quite as loud _ as you think it was.” She finally cracked with a snort of laughter and I felt all of the colour drain from my face in horror. I couldn’t hold back the mental replay of the noises from the night before that I’d been confident the radio would cover and felt as if I could die on the spot. “I’m telling you, if you thought people didn’t know that you two were a thing before, they absolutely do now. And anyone who still doesn’t will soon if you keep walking around with your jacket off.” She sneered as she glanced at my neck area and I viewed her with confusion. She indicated to a mirror in the corner of the room and I leaned to catch my reflection with a gasp. I was coated in a multicoloured assortment of hickeys all over my neck, spreading down onto my collarbone and I rushed into the large jacket with my cheeks burning. Raven snorted in delight beside me and I hurried to my feet.

“I’m going back to bed before today gets any worse.” I groaned as I rapidly stumbled toward the door and I could hear Raven’s cheeky laughter even from outside in the hall.

I returned to Bellamy’s bed with a heavy head and hid under a pillow in embarrassment. I hadn’t even questioned where he was this morning, I’d been too distracted by my own suffering and at the current moment, I was relieved by the peace of my solitude. My mind spiralled over the idea of others hearing us together and felt sick with humiliation. The feeling was so overwhelming that the only logical solution my mind could present was to never leave this bed again. At some point I must have drifted back to sleep, as when I next opened my eyes Bellamy was crouched by the bed, studying me with a smile.

“Morning sleeping beauty.” He muttered and I groaned dramatically in response. He handed me a bottle of water with a cheeky smile and I took it gratefully. I noticed that he was fully dressed and was still frustratingly bright despite my clear memory of him drinking whisky with me. I fixed him with a scrutinising look as I pondered his perfect face that didn’t show any signs of exhaustion.

“Did you lie to me about not drinking before?” I asked in a gruff voice and he shook his head in confusion. “Because somehow you’re sitting here looking like a goddamn model and I’m on my actual deathbed.” I groaned as he chuckled in amusement. 

“I just hold my drink better, Love.” He teased and as I leaned up on my elbows to retort, the mattress fell through with a large crack. I squealed in surprise and after an initial fuss over me, Bellamy and I stared at each other in disbelief.

“Did we...actually  _ break _ the bed last night?” I hissed with a slight bite on my lip to suppress a laugh.

“Just one of many parts of collateral damage.” He commented as he glanced around and now that I had slept off more of the effects of the drink, I absorbed the state of the room with bewilderment. When I returned my attention to him, we both broke into laughter.


	46. Hᴇᴀʀᴛ's Tʀᴜᴇ Dᴇsɪʀᴇ

It took a couple of days for things to return to normal in camp and for my hickies to heal enough to show my face without feeling constantly self conscious. Knox made a few offhand comments about Bellamy during our shifts and I apologised for his recent intimidating behaviour. I avoided our friends for fear of any snide comments and Bellamy slipped back into his strangely inconsistent habits. 

After my shift in the kitchens, I wandered across the courtyard but my attention was caught by the sound of a nearby conversation. I paused in place to witness Mel chatting to Bellamy again and I recognised that neither of them had noticed me from the angle that I was standing in. She had her hand placed comfortably on his forearm and they were both laughing in a relaxed state. My stomach flipped with annoyance, despite my best efforts to deny it and I felt my jaw clench as I observed her making doe eyes at him. I tried to remind myself that he chose to take me back to his room every night and of all the small, attentive acts that he did daily to make my heart flutter, but they weren’t enough to remove the uneasy feeling in my chest. I rolled my eyes and dragged myself away to prevent my mind from torturing me any further. 

I found a spot near the hustle of the mechanical building to settle and work through the notes that I’d taken from my lessons with Octavia. Recently I felt that I was finally starting to grasp some parts of Trig, but it required consistent work to maintain it in my head and I had discovered that the rhythmic noises of tools helped me to focus. I heard footsteps approaching but kept my eyes trained on my papers in the hope that whoever it was would take the hint to leave me alone.

“There you are Trouble.” I recognised the gruff tone of Bellamy’s voice immediately and glanced up to find him smiling at me warmly. “Kane’s called a meeting to discuss more trips to Mount Weather for supplies, thought you’d want to know.” He stated and I raised my brows in interest. “Yeah, hopefully it won’t drag on for hours again, but if it does I’ll see you back at the room?” He added with a disinterested groan and I sympathised with his responsibility to attend.

“Damn, looks like I’ll have to tuck myself in.” I crooned with a playful expression and he chuckled lightly in a way that I adored the sound of.

“Where have you been all day anyway? I didn’t see you leave your shift.” He questioned and I was surprised that he’d even noticed the slight change in my routine. Most days lately we passed each other in camp as I moved from one commitment to the other and he’d usually throw me a cheeky wink or even slyly make an inappropriate comment if he got close enough.

“Oh, just thought I’d get some study time in.” I confirmed but he simply raised a brow at me suspiciously. “I did pass you in the courtyard earlier, but you were chatting to Mel. I thought I’d give you guys a chance to catch up.” I commented in what I hoped sounded like an idle manner and he shifted on the spot. 

“Ah, yeah she caught me for a while there.” He remarked and I concentrated heavily on maintaining a carefree posture. “She’s a nice girl, just very young. I think she’s still got a lot of training to do before I’d take her out as part of the guard.” He thought aloud and I nodded as I stared at my papers avoidantly.

“Hmm, she’ll be disappointed to be left behind. Be careful with that one.” I muttered absent mindedly and my stomach flipped as soon as the words left my mouth. He furrowed his brows at me and I cleared my throat to give myself a moment to consider my words. “Just...don’t lead her on, like you said, she’s young.” I advised with a shrug and he widened his eyes at me.

“Seriously Indie?” He drawled and I held my hands out defensively. “Look, I saved her life when she crashed to Earth, so she looks up to me. She’s another student for me to train, that’s all.” He detailed with a disbelieving tone to his voice, causing me to sigh.

“Are you sure that _ she _ knows that?” I asked as I peeked up at him and he analysed me with a slight smirk in the corner of his lips. Already, I regretted initiating this conversation and I found it difficult to discuss whilst still maintaining the casual attitude that I’d been insistent on since we started sleeping together.

“Are you jealous?” He suggested in a low growl and I scoffed in annoyance. “I did offer to train you, it’s not too late to switch classes. You can be my teacher’s pet.” He winked and I shook my head in disapproval at his continued teasing.

“No, I’m not jealous, you can do whatever you want. I’m just offering you some advice; let her down lightly so you don’t break a young girl's heart, take it or leave it.” I explained with a frustration that was evident as I shot to my feet and began to gather my things.

“It’s not like that.” He sighed in a defensive manner and I paused in place to glance at him with exasperation.

“I’m telling you as a woman what I saw in her, she wants it. You used to be excellent at recognising that. But whatever you say Bel.” I chuckled bitterly as I threw him one last look. “I’ll see you after your meeting.” I stated as I placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and left him rooted to the spot in confusion.

For a while, I managed to study in peace in the back of the mechanical building, until I was kicked out by people who needed to use the room. It was almost impossible to concentrate with the building frustration in my mind and I struggled to channel the feeling into anything beneficial. After several attempts to find something to distract myself, I received a message from Raven requesting my assistance with something.

“Hey! Octavia said you were trying to build muscle, right?” She spoke in a rushed way as she opened the door to allow me into her workshop and pulled me inside. I nodded hesitantly and she guided me to a metal structure that made absolutely no sense to me, beside the familiar Rover we’d just recovered. “Awesome, I have a proposal that will be mutually beneficial in that case. I need to install some upgrades but I can’t get around that easily with my bitch of a leg. Can you lift shit for me?” She asked and I noticed the slightest hint of vulnerability in her eyes. It was the first time that she had requested assistance with her injury from me and it felt strange to address the thing that we’d fallen into a routine of pretending hadn’t changed. I knew that admitting she needed help was practically agonising to Raven and felt honoured that she was able to confide in me.

“Of course, but you need to remember that I am, in fact, an idiot. So I’ll need very specific instructions on what you want me to do.” I remarked with a playful expression and was glad to notice that her shoulders visibly relaxed. We fell into an easy companionship as she worked whilst I strained to hold things in place and chatted in the same comfortable way that we always had.

“So, what do you think will come of this big leader meeting your man’s in?” She called from under the car and I sighed thoughtfully. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than sitting in a room full of self important people discussing every minor decision for our camp. It seemed simpler in the days at the dropship, where if something needed to be done we simply took action. I was unsure if the introduction of laws and politics was as beneficial as the leadership believed.

“I don’t know, bunch of political nonsense. I bet Bellamy’s struggling to even stay awake in there.” I commented lightly, imagining him dozing off at the end of the table and I heard Raven hum in agreement.

“Well, looks like he had some comfort before he went in.” She stated in a voice that I recognised well as bait and so I held my tongue. When I didn’t answer, she slid out from the car to examine me in annoyance. “I caught Mel flirting with him pretty hard outside the meeting room. She’s getting her claws right in.” She spat before she got to her feet and dusted herself off. The work space was so large that our voices echoed around it and I was glad that it was just the two of us here with the sharpness of her words.

“Ugh, that poor girl.” I groaned and Raven whipped around to face me as if I’d just grown another head. “I told him to let her down gently before she gets her feelings hurt.” I revealed as I rubbed my forehead in stress and she dropped into a seat to examine me with a riveted interest.

“And? What did he say?” She breathed with a fire burning in her eyes and I couldn’t help a slight snigger at the ridiculous reaction. Recently, it felt as if the budding romance between Bellamy and I was her favourite topic and although I appreciated her support, I couldn’t help finding her enthusiasm bizarre at times.

“He doesn’t think she’s flirting. He says she just looks up to him like the others, or she’s just friendly because she’s grateful to him.” I sighed as I settled into a seat opposite her and she threw her hands up in exaggeration. “I’ve never known him to be so blind to a girl's interest before.” I muttered with a groan and I tried to force the bitter feelings to the back of my mind before they could wander out of my mouth.

“That’s because he only has eyes for you.” She crooned in a mocking tone as she batted her lashes at me and I reached out to slap her playfully on the arm. “Doesn’t it bug you? Seriously, I’m worried. I know you were afraid before all this almost dying stuff, about him losing interest? I don’t want you to be pushed to the point of a nervous breakdown by this random chick.” She dropped her voice to one of genuine concern and I smiled warmly at her ill guided compassion. 

“Before everything went down, yes I was. But I already had my nervous breakdown Raven, I’m tapped. Seriously, thinking that you’ll never see someone again kind of changes your priorities.” I explained as she watched me with blatant sympathy. “The way I see it now, Bellamy will do whatever it is that he wants to do. If he wants to fuck some other girl, he’ll do it whether I worry about it or not, so I’m not gonna worry about it. I’m just gonna enjoy whatever we have for as long as it lasts, cause I don’t want to waste a single second of it.” I elaborated and she scoffed as she viewed me with a sense of utter disbelief.

“You’re telling me that you’re just switching your ‘give a shit’ off?” She breathed as she crossed her arms and I sighed as I tried to think of a better way to explain my stance. I shuffled on my seat and rubbed at my temples as she observed my expectantly.

“I’m not switching it off. It was only weeks ago that I thought he was dead and I spent almost all of my time crying.” I revealed and she softened her face. “I reflected a lot on everything I’d learned and I know that Bellamy is the kind of guy who likes the chase. From what I’ve seen, he’s not big on the whole commitment thing and I don’t _ need _ it. I’m all too aware that things can change in a heartbeat and honestly, I’m just happy every time that he comes back from a mission alive. I’m glad that I get the chance to see that smile that makes my knees go weak and my heart beat so fast that I think it might explode.” I confessed and Raven smiled smugly.

“Girl, you’ve got it bad!” She laughed and I felt as if I had opened a door that I couldn’t close. The relief of being honest with her was so addictive that the words just continued to flow out of my mouth and the memory of him and Mel talking filled my mind, causing a surge of bitterness.

“I know! God I know.” I breathed as I ran my hands through my hair in a gesture of stress. “Who am I kidding with this whole chilled out act? Part of me wants to find that girl and go full grounder on her ass, tell her that if she even thinks about touching Bellamy I’ll beat her face in.” I growled and Raven whooped in support of this idea. “On the inside, even thinking about him with anyone else kills me, but then I remember how fucking grateful I am that he’s alive and I realise that I’d suffer through anything if it meant that he was happy.” I clarified and she pursed her lips at me with enjoyment.

“I’m pretty confident that he feels the same.” She commented and although I noticed that she didn’t seem to be smiling directly at me, I was too deep in thought to question it. She opened her mouth to speak again but I couldn’t stop the flow of feelings that I needed to speak aloud.

“Maybe, I guess only time will tell. For now, all I know is that I can barely think straight every time he compliments me, or does that thing where he shakes his head and looks at the ground when he laughs. You know, I dream about him, his freckles, the way his eyes glisten when he smiles, or how he runs his hand through his hair when he’s concentrating. I thought that after a while things would calm down, but Raven, every kiss makes my head spin like the first.” I rambled in an emotion charged blur. She watched me with a steadily growing satisfaction as I bared my soul to her and I only paused to sigh. “I’m pretty prepared for the idea that he doesn’t feel the same way, but that's okay. Because if I can just keep him in my life for as long as humanly possible, I’m willing to accept that.” I divulged with a final deep breath as I dropped my shoulders dramatically and finally felt a sense of peace that I hadn’t realised I sorely needed.

“You know, I really think you’d be surprised by how wrong you are about that.” She stated calmly despite an excitement shining in her eyes and I furrowed my brows at her in confusion.

“How can you be so sure?” I enquired with a heavy feeling of insecurity and a delighted smile spread across her lips at my question.

“Oh, just the little fact that he’s standing right behind you and he looks like he’s just won the jackpot, not running for the hills.” She revealed with a blatant enjoyment and I felt my face drop to one of pure horror. I prayed with all of my might that she was simply playing a cruel prank. I was too mortified to turn around to investigate and before I could muster up the courage, I heard a deep voice clear their throat behind me. I felt like my stomach was about to drop out of my body as I closed my eyes in a grimace and heard Raven stand. “I’ll leave you two to talk.” She commented calmly.

I remained frozen on the spot with my eyes firmly closed in an effort to shield myself from the reality of my mistake and heard Bellamy carefully approaching to shatter the hopes of my ‘I can't see you, you can’t see me’ logic. There was a feeling of dread that crept down my spine as I sensed his gaze burning into me and I took a deep breath before forcing myself to look at him. His eyes sparkled with a mixture of amusement and exhilaration, and I gulped nervously whilst my mind desperately strained for something to say. I fiddled with the zip on my jacket and my skin burned with humiliation.

“H-how much of that did you hear?” I stuttered as I peeked at him and squirmed in anticipation. My words repeated in my mind and as I reviewed all the things that he’d potentially overhead that I would rather chop off a limb than say to him, I felt like my heart might stop.

“All of it.” He breathed with a sly smile and I felt my heart skip a beat as I groaned. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me and thought that I would give anything for the chance to take it all back. Terror flooded my veins at the idea that the blissful bubble we’d existed in until now could be about to burst and I steeled myself for the potential heartbreak.

“Is there..._ any _ chance that you can just forget that you heard any of it?” I suggested with shaking hands and he did the exact thing that I’d just proclaimed my love for: chuckled lightly as he shook his head and gradually returned his gaze to me with a smile that made my head spin. “Cool, perfect. Well, if you didn’t specifically need me for anything, I’m gonna go blow my brains out.” I remarked with my hands in my pockets and I avoided meeting his eyes as I moved to stride away. I only managed a single step before he caught my arm and pulled me back to face him.

“Indie, don’t worry about it, it’s okay.” He stated as he studied me with an inscrutable expression and I was stressed by the action of locking eyes with him. I sighed as I shuffled on the spot and he reached out to place his hands on my shoulders. I couldn’t tell if he did this more as an act of comfort, or to prevent me from bolting, or maybe a combination of both. “You don’t have to be embarrassed with me. Was all that true?” He probed as he examined my face and I nodded reluctantly. “Why didn’t you say something sooner if it was bothering you so much?” He interrogated and I shrugged avoidantly.

“I don’t know, it seemed dumb.” I grumbled as I tried to push aside the urge to escape. I cleared my throat and decided that if we were going to have this conversation, I may as well say what I needed. “Why weren’t you just honest about Knox?” I enquired and Bellamy shrugged in defeat. This relieved some of the tension in the air as we acknowledged that we’d both played a part in creating this situation with our ridiculous behaviours and for a moment I broke into a smile as I viewed him. 

“You know that you don’t have to worry about me with Mel, or anyone else, right?” He suggested as I fixed him with a baffled expression. “I don’t need anything else when I have everything I want with you.” He admitted with a genuine tone and I scoffed in disbelief. He took my face in his hands to force me to meet his eyes and I was surprised by the intensity of his gaze. “I’m serious. You’re beautiful, funny, smart. You give me advice when I need it and you keep me going. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He confessed and I stared back at him with wide eyes. “I know you had a hard time in Mount Weather, Love, but you’re forgetting that whilst you were there, I lost you too. You're not the only one who had a reality check. I’ve had plenty of time to think and finally getting you back has made me realise that I don’t ever want to lose you again, not to anything.” He paused to bite his lip and I noticed a hint of vulnerability that he tried to conceal. “You’re _ my girl _, I don’t want anyone to question that anymore, especially not you.” He emphasised and I felt a smile breaking through my concern.

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Bellamy Blake?” I crooned with a warmth spreading in my chest as the reality of his words struck me. He tilted his head closer and I bit my lip with a rush of excitement.

“I’m not asking.” He drawled before he leaned in to finally kiss me. The moment that his lips touched mine, I felt a sense of relief and there was a peace that I had craved for longer than I had realised. Thanks to Raven’s gamble, I had security at last.

***

The tension that had been hanging over us completely dissipated over the past few weeks and although we’d been too busy to see much of each other, it didn’t cause any stress now that we knew where we stood. Bellamy had received a whole new batch of volunteers for the guard, which translated into far more frequent shifts for him with the recruits and my training with Octavia had ramped up a notch now that she was starting to see progress. Monty had somehow convinced Jasper to start taking some of his shifts back in mechanical, which was a relief as Monty was looking rather bedraggled recently. 

I’d used my new additional free time to either work on building muscle, or studying Trig. I was able to hold almost entire conversations in it now and although I still made the occasional mistake or found worlds that I hadn’t learned, I was proud of the new skill. It was a surprise to discover that Lincoln was slightly chattier in his native tongue and I’d come to appreciate our conversations more due to their infrequency. We bonded mostly over a joint protectiveness of Octavia, but I also enjoyed the quiet wisdom about him that I witnessed more now that he had moved into Arkadia. It was strange to see him living amongst us after our violent beginnings, but he seemed to be adapting well and fell into communicating with other campers far better than I ever would have expected. I was studying in the courtyard of camp, enjoying the cool spring sunshine when Monty rushed over.

“Hey Indie, have you seen Jasper?” He queried with blatant fear filling his face and something about his manner immediately put me on edge.

“No, I’m sorry.” I answered and he hissed in response. “I thought he was doing a shift today? Is everything okay?” I investigated as he shuffled on the spot with distress and I analysed him worriedly.

“He was, he didn’t turn up and I’ve only just heard. No one’s seen him all day and it’s been hours since he left dorms.” He confirmed with his brows deeply furrowed and I quickly got to my feet to assist.

“You want me to take this to Bel, get a search party out or are we keeping this on the down low?” I breathed as I felt his panic bleeding into me and my heart hammered in my chest.

“Let’s just keep it between us for now, I don’t want to get Jasper in trouble.” He muttered and I nodded obediently.

“Alright, let’s split up and meet back here if you can’t find him.” I suggested and we rushed apart in search of him.

I checked anywhere that I thought Jasper was likely to attend for fun first, in the vain hope that he may finally have felt like enjoying himself. When that failed, I had to acknowledge the painful thought that he may have gone somewhere quiet to harm himself and I felt an overpowering anxiety building in me as I searched the secluded areas where I thought it would be easiest to do this. I passed Monty in the mechanical building as we both seemed to have the same idea to investigate the unused rooms and abandoned corners. 

In one of the final rooms, I turned to leave when I noticed a boot out of the corner of my eye. I crouched down to examine it and discovered Jasper passed out under a table. I gasped as I neared him in terror and immediately checked for any sign of a pulse. An intense wave of relief washed over me as I confirmed that he was alive and I leaned closer to the door to call out.

“Monty! In here!” I cried, before returning to Jasper to pull him across my lap. I shook him until he responded as I became fearful that he could have overdosed and he groaned dramatically but didn’t seem to be able to wake. Monty stumbled into the room in a fluster and I smiled up at him. “I’ve got him.” I confirmed but Monty could clearly see the concern in my eyes as he glanced between me and Jasper, whose head flopped back in my arms.

“Ugh, he’s tanked.” Monty stated and as I turned to view him doubtfully, I noticed the empty flask further under the desk. “I’d recognise that look on him anywhere. Damn it, Jasper.” He growled with an evident frustration and I sighed in disappointment as I scooped up the evidence to hide in my pocket. “Can you help me get him back to dorms?” Monty asked with an embarrassed expression and I nodded in understanding.

“Of course, my love.” I answered as I got to my feet and we managed to hoist him between us with difficulty. He was barely conscious enough to manage to walk with some stern encouragement and his arms over our shoulders to keep him upright.

“You’re a mess, dude.” Monty scolded, but Jasper only managed an offended groan in response. Monty rolled his eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry about this Indie.” He mumbled awkwardly.

“Hey, it’s fine. Family isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, right?” I smiled encouragingly at him and he made his best effort to return it. 


	47. Cᴏɴsᴛᴇʟʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs

Once we had manoeuvred Jasper safely back to dorms, I left him in Monty’s care and returned to my studying Trig as I strained to memorise the words. It was far more challenging to concentrate now as I worried about his worsening condition and I knew that I was not retaining much information. Although it had been relatively well controlled recently thanks to the output of training with Octavia, I could feel the familiar niggle of anger at the back of my mind. Every little hint of damage that I noticed in my loved ones only further fuelled the fury that I harboured for Mount Weather and Jasper provided the most potent supply of this. I caught myself tugging at my hair again and I attempted to contain my various other nervous ticks whilst I poured over my notes. Eventually, after some sustained struggles, I managed to engross myself in the task and became so lost in my work that I completely lost track of time.

I startled as Bellamy appeared at my side to encourage me to come for dinner and after a meal alongside some other campers, I followed him toward his quarters in a daze. He drew my attention back to the current moment when he took a turn that led outside of the Ark’s structure and glanced back over his shoulder at me with a coy smile. 

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” He stated cryptically and I viewed him with suspicion. “You’ll love it, trust me.” He drawled and I swallowed my anxiety as he took my hand to guide me out to the far edge of camp. 

I was unsure what expectations to place on a surprise from Bellamy and the entire concept left me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. He’d never initiated anything of this nature in the past and I noticed that we were entering an area with almost no lighting, save a single lantern that I could spot in the distance. Once we got closer, I discerned a blanket spread out on the grass with a mini radio and Bellamy guided me toward it. He halted at the edge of the blanket and turned to face me with a bashful smile that was unusual from him.

“I know that we haven’t had much time together lately and I wanted to fix that.” He explained as he rubbed the back of his neck and I recognised that he was uncomfortable with presenting this gesture. It was a trait that I’d noticed more than once in him since we’d been involved, as if he were afraid of anyone knowing that he was kind. He stooped down to grab something and when he straightened back up, he waved a glass bottle with only a small amount of whisky remaining in the bottom. “Don’t worry, it’s not enough to get you wasted again.” He smirked as he clocked my reluctant expression. 

“You’re cute, you know that?” I remarked and he shook his head. He settled down on the blanket and without warning grabbed my hand to pull me down with him. The radio was playing soft music in the background and he switched off the lantern to plunge us into darkness. “What are you up to?” I questioned and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders to gently guide me to lay back. I gasped as the sky came into view and I could sense him smiling beside me.

“Now you can see the stars properly.” He whispered as I stared up at the sparkling sky with fascinated eyes and instead of joining me, I could feel that he was watching my reaction fondly. 

I had never particularly taken the time to look at the stars since our arrival here, figuring that I’d spent enough time seeing them on the Ark, but it seemed that there was something different about them now. Perhaps it was the atmosphere, the fresh night air or the subtle music in the background that made me appreciate the twinkling lights through new eyes. Mostly, I suspected that it was Bellamy’s presence that made everything feel strangely perfect. 

The cool breeze encouraged me to move closer to him and we easily slotted together until we were completely wrapped up in each other. I could feel Bellamy gradually relaxing as we stared up at the sky and was glad that I was able to lower his walls as well as he did mine. The music filled the comfortable silence whilst we sipped on whisky that warmed us against the night.

“You alright, Love? You seem tense.” Bellamy’s low voice carried an obvious concern and I sighed thoughtfully. Despite my desire to remain in the moment with him, my mind continued to swirl with the issues of the day and I knew that he would want me to confide in him.

“Sorry, just a bit distracted I guess. Jasper’s not doing too well, I’m trying not to be worried...but I am.” I grumbled under my breath and he turned his attention back to examine my face.

“I thought he was improving?” He enquired as he furrowed his brows at me attentively and I shook my head.

“So did I. He didn’t turn up for his shift in mechanical today so Monty and I had to go searching for him. Found him totalled under a table.” I explained in a tired voice and he seemed to be considering my words. I could tell that he was equally troubled by this revelation and I felt immediately as if my feelings were justified. “I just wish I could do more to help him, it’s hard to watch him suffer.” I confessed in a quiet voice and Bellamy sighed regretfully. I knew that it was difficult for him to see Jasper in such a state of mind, especially considering that he was heavily involved in the awful situation that had caused it.

“Maybe he needs reminding of who he was before all of this. I could recommend him for the guard if it would help? It would get him active and out of camp. Might give him a boost to feel like he’s protecting people again?” He suggested carefully and I smiled up at him appreciatively.

“You might be right, maybe it is time to stop pandering him. I only began to recover from my losses when I was forced to focus on something else.” I pondered as I strained to produce any alternative suggestions for Jasper and felt that I was getting to the end of my tether. “Just promise me that you’ll speak to him about it first, before Kane?” I requested gently in my best effort to ensure that I didn’t sound condescending.

“Of course, whatever you think is best for him.” He agreed easily and I sighed in relief. It was a treasured comfort to know that Bellamy genuinely cared about issues that bothered me and would always support me. I’d never had someone I could so easily depend on other than Octavia and it was a welcome experience to discover a new type of relationship. “I’ll do whatever I can to help. After all, I’m part of the reason he’s like this.” He added with a guilty tone in his voice and I peeked up at him with my brows knitted together.

“Bellamy, you didn’t have any other choice. It’s awful that this whole mess left Jasper so broken, but if you hadn’t done it, he’d be dead.” I asserted as my heart ached for him and he shifted slightly against me. I despised seeing him tormented by this decision and wished that I could simply remove the pain of our experiences for everyone.

“I know, but that doesn’t change anything that happened. I killed everyone in that bunker, including someone that Jasper cared about. I have to face that.” He elaborated firmly and I continued to examine him with concern blossoming in my chest. “Take responsibility for my choices, you taught me the importance of that.” He confirmed with a smile as he met my eyes and I sighed deeply.

“It’s a fine line between taking responsibility and blaming yourself though, baby. Your actions saved all of our lives and you only made the choice when there were no other options left available to you. You don’t deserve to punish yourself for that.” I argued with a fierce determination and he hummed thoughtfully in response. “You know, you spend so much time worrying about everyone else. Sometimes I wish that you’d let me take care of you for once.” I revealed as I smiled at him fondly and he observed me with an uncertain expression.

“You do take care of me, Indie.” He commented with a smile and I felt my heart flutter at his confirmation. We sat in silence for a while and I felt myself relax in his embrace in a way that nothing else was able to calm me. Bellamy pointed out constellations and I could recognise from his expressions that he was sharing something he genuinely enjoyed with me. I wondered if anyone else in our camp realised that he was this warm and attentive of a person. It felt like there was a completely different side of him that he shielded from everyone else and I felt privileged that he trusted me with these parts of him. “You ever miss life in the stars?” His sudden question caught me off guard and I glanced over to find him still staring at the sky with a wistful expression. 

“Fuck no!” I exclaimed and the veracity of my tone drew his attention to my face in surprise. “Floating around in an ancient heap of space junk, surrounded by corrupt asshole guards who only exist to make life difficult for everyone else? Nah, not for a second. Besides, how could it ever compare after experiencing Earth. Feeling the air on my skin, the beautiful scenery, seasons, smells, the sunset. What’s there to miss in space?” I rambled as I thought aloud and Bellamy analysed my face closely.

“You’re telling me that there’s nothing you miss? Not even from your childhood?” He questioned with an obvious disbelief and I sighed deeply.

“Honestly, no. Life on the Ark sucked for me, I don’t know what else to say. Meeting Octavia was the highlight of my time there and that was in lockup. It’s sad to admit but at least whilst I was behind bars, I didn’t go hungry or have to worry about losing anything. I knew exactly what to expect there.” I admitted with a melancholy smile and he watched me with interest as I continued to reflect. “I don’t know, I guess I miss my mother...when I was young, before everything went to shit.” I answered in a low voice and he made a sympathetic expression.

“What about your dad? You’ve never mentioned him?” Bellamy enquired as he leaned closer to study me with curiosity filling his handsome features and I flinched involuntarily.

“Yeah, I don’t really.” I clarified, as I mentally prepared myself for the conversation. It was a topic that I’d actively avoided until now and I had honestly hoped that it would never surface between us. My past was filled with pain and suffering, and it seemed easier to bury it than to allow it to affect anyone’s perspective of me. I reminded myself that Bellamy had never judged me for anything that he’d learned of my life and took a deep breath to steady my nerves. “My dad was Vega.” I muttered and I felt the jolt of surprise in him as his back straightened.

“The Vega that almost blew up the Ark?” He breathed in disbelief and I nodded silently. “But they executed him years ago?” He questioned and I could see him running the numbers in his mind.

“I didn’t know him that well, I was only 5 when he went off the rails. My memories are pretty hazy, but from what I do remember he was a decent enough father. Everyone pretty much wrote him off as a nutjob conspiracy theorist, including my mother and I. Then the council shipped us off to Earth, Clarke told us all about the oxygen running out and I’m beginning to realise that a lot of his ideas about the leadership lying to us don’t sound that far fetched after all.” I confessed as I slowly revealed thoughts that I had been trying to deny since we arrived on Earth and Bellamy listened calmly whilst I bared my darkest secret. “He’s the reason I am who I am. All of the time that I had with him when I was small, he was preaching about survival and always being one step ahead of your enemies. When I got a bit older, long after he’d been executed, I found all of his batshit crazy journals speculating that we’d end up on Earth before we expected.” I recalled and Bellamy’s eyes widened at this information. “I may not have agreed with his theories and I definitely don’t agree with the methods that he resorted to, but he taught me to value survival. There was a lot of wisdom in between the insane ramblings.” I finished talking in a mumble and shuffled awkwardly on the blanket, fearing that I’d said too much.

I had never told anyone who my father was, not even Octavia. At most, I’d perhaps accidentally mentioned that he taught me things, but I’d been careful to ensure that I never disclosed any details. Vega was the alias that he used to protect his identity when he began to take radical action against the council and it was a name that to most of the citizens on the Ark was associated with terrorism. It created too complicated an impression of my morals and background to discuss with anyone, and it wasn’t a legacy that I was proud to be associated with. I felt a lurch of fear in my stomach as I worried that this would taint Bellamy’s opinion of me, but he simply smiled at me with the same fondness as before.

“That explains a lot about you, actually. All of that wisdom way past your age.” He commented with a sly wink and I couldn’t help smiling in return. “You’re lucky to have those journals to get to know your old man better, no matter who he was.” He added in a bitter manner and I viewed him with sympathy.

“You two didn’t know your dad, right?” I asked as I remembered that Octavia had mentioned this briefly once, before she firmly shut down to any further conversation about her family and he nodded in confirmation of my suspicion.

“Mom did her best with us, you know. She read to us, tried to teach us what she could. It can’t have been easy raising us alone, especially whilst hiding Octavia.” He remarked and I relished in the opportunity to learn anything about his childhood. Although Octavia and I had talked for hours about almost every topic in the cramped spaces of lockdown, she was never particularly open about her upbringing. She’d shared memories of the trauma of hiding under the floor and complained multiple times that Bellamy was suffocatingly protective alongside his sensible nature, but I was interested to hear things from his perspective.

“What kinda stuff did she read to you?” I probed as I leaned in closer to snuggle against him and he smiled warmly at the sky as he was lost to his own reflection. 

“Mythology mostly, I was really into it so I think she humoured me. The Iliad was my favourite, I don’t even know how many times she read that to us.” He recounted and I watched him with an adoring flutter in my chest. “Octavia ever tell you that I named her?” He turned to face me with a proud expression and I shook my head to encourage him to continue. In truth, I did know this already, but I was content to just sit and listen to him talk for hours. “Mom let me choose and being the big mythology nerd that I was, I chose Octavia.” He chucked under his breath and I relished the sound. 

“It’s a solid choice.” I commented, earning a sideways smile that made my stomach fizz.

“I think those are the days that I miss most, even with all the fear of someone finding out about Octavia. When she was still little and it was just the three of us in our home.” He sighed and I gripped him a little tighter in an innate need to provide comfort.

“I guess things were simpler for you then, you didn’t have so many people looking to you for leadership.” I remarked and he hummed. “I meant what I said before, Bel. If you don’t want to deal with it anymore, I’ll back you up. It’s a lot on your shoulders and you already took enough responsibility and risks for us so far. I’ll fight Kane myself if I have to.” I asserted and he glanced over at me with amusement.

“I don’t doubt that from you.” He chuckled. “It’s a lot, but I can handle it Love, especially with you around watching out for me. Don’t worry.” He smiled as he placed a tender kiss on my forehead and I sighed in contentment. “I wouldn’t change anything, not even the stuff that went down on the Ark, it all brought us to now.” He admitted and I could hardly handle the sweetness of his words.

“Octavia thinks we’d have met anyway. If, by some miracle, I didn’t get floated, I’m sure she’d have made sure we met.” I relayed from our last conversation about the strangeness of me dating her brother and he shrugged in agreement. “You think we’d ever have gotten along on the Ark?” I wondered aloud and he scoffed.

“Oh, I’d have been all over you from the moment that I saw you.” He drawled and I sniggered beside him.

“You think so?” I breathed between laughter as I enjoyed the idea of his pursuit in a situation that wasn’t constantly life threatening.

“Indie, I don’t know many times I have to say this, but you’re  _ hot _ . If we’re being really honest, that was the very first thing I thought when we met.” He crooned in a suggestive tone and I gasped at his confession. “Besides, you wouldn’t have given me so much attitude on the Ark, we’d probably have had a much easier time getting to know each other.” He theorised with a wink and I smiled at the thought.

“Hey, you were kind of a dick at first, I had no choice! And also inconveniently attractive, I think it actually made me even more annoyed with you.” I confessed and he held a hand up in surrender. “What makes you so confident that I’d have kept you around me anyway?” I teased and he pretended to be offended momentarily before cracking into a smile.

“You would have! I know you remember how smart I looked when we met. I’d have kept showing up, being charming and that chemistry that we have, it would’ve won you over. You wouldn’t have resisted.” He explained in a tone that was equal parts confident to joking and I snorted loudly as I burst into laughter.

“Oh god, that would never have worked!” I gasped in disbelief and he chuckled with me. “I  _ hated _ that smooth act you used to put on, with the damn pick up lines. And if you think I’m difficult now, you have no idea how much colder I was on the Ark.” I revealed and his eyes lit up at this idea. “Besides, I prefer your hair in it’s natural style, it suits you.” I crooned as I reached up to touch his curly locks and he smiled.

“I’m glad that Earth brought me to you.” He clarified and I smiled at him in earnest.

“Well, I think you’re right. No matter how we met, we’d have ended up together. I’m glad it’s here and now though.” I replied with a strange feeling as I realised that I meant it.

***

Although our new routine kept us busy, I was glad that I was starting to feel a sense of normalcy. We would never be able to fully forget the threat that life on Earth inherently featured, but knowing that within these walls I could let down my guard gave me a chance to recharge. I didn’t like to acknowledge it, but maintaining a strong facade for so long had been taxing and it was refreshing to be able to simply be myself. Bellamy and the guard group were taking the rover out for regular patrols and the project to map the area was in full swing. Every time that he left the camp was still nerve wracking, but I was learning to channel this anxious energy into improving my own skills and made myself useful in this new society that we were building. 

I noticed that most of our small family was beginning to adapt to the authority of the adults who now lead our people and was thankful that my training with Octavia kept me apart from having to submit to their politics. There was something fascinating in observing the differences in which the more rebellious of us each dealt with the change in dynamic; Bellamy had taken the route of proving himself valuable enough to have an input, whilst Monty pulled the strings from behind the scenes to manoeuvre things the way that he wanted for Jasper and him, much as I imagined they had on the Ark. Raven simply blatantly ignored the rules and was generally able to get away with it because of her exceptional talent, knowledge and a few good contacts. Lastly, Octavia and I simply remained on the sidelines, living our own lifestyle as she and Lincoln continued to impart grounder wisdom on me that seemed to make more sense as the days passed. Jasper split his time between his newly assigned guard duty and mechanical, which granted me almost all of my free time back. I’d fallen into the habit of assisting in the kitchen occasionally, which is where I found myself today whilst Bellamy was out patrolling.

I assisted with simple tasks, such as cleaning ingredients or chopping vegetables, whilst others focused on the actual cooking. This was beneficial to me as I had been experiencing nightmares again since the regular patrols started and I could often feel a storm of emotions brewing at the back of my mind during the day. My time in the kitchens kept me distracted enough to survive until my loved ones returned home and I worked quietly at the back of the room. I had been there for so long that I knew they would be back soon and my hands ached from the strain. I was shocked when the handle of the old knife that I was using snapped off and fell to the floor with a thud. Another assistant noticed the problem and wandered over to my side with a smile.

“I’m honestly surprised that didn’t happen sooner! Those are from the Ark, they’re practically antiques.” She commented with a smile and I shrugged carelessly in return. “Here, we got some decent ones from that last Mount Weather run.” She added as she placed a fresh blade beside me and strolled off to continue her work without a backwards glance.

I stared down at the horrifyingly familiar design with a wave of nausea washing over me. It was almost identical to the ones that I’d taken from the dining hall to protect myself with and as I lifted it into my shaking hands, I felt terror run down my spine. There was a sense of gravity as I turned it over in my palm to find my reflection staring back at me in the blade. Countless terrified faces flashed through my mind as I recalled all of the people that I’d killed with these and the sheer brutality of my actions struck me with a crushing clarity. There was a distinct lack of sound, as if I were underwater as my consciousness was lost to memories and I held the handle of the knife tightly from the fear that I might lose control as I felt the familiar anger in my chest. The emotions came on so fast that my body seemed as if it didn’t have suitable space to house them as they clambered for a way to exit.

Suddenly, I became aware of a threat in my immediate vicinity and before I could stop myself, I whipped around to hold the blade out threateningly at my attacker. I fell easily into a defensive posture that my muscle memory coordinated without any input from my conscious mind and it took a few profoundly fearful moments to realise that the person my body was trying to protect me from was Bellamy. He held his hands in front of him in a gesture of trust and as I met his eyes, I found that instead of fear or hurt as I would have expected, he simply was apologetic. I hissed as I quickly dropped the knife on the side and he stepped closer to me without any hesitation or signs of being intimidated. 

“Indie, you’re bleeding.” He commented as he searched around for something on the counters.

I couldn’t drag my eyes away from the blood as it gushed from my hand and I struggled to understand if I was hallucinating. For a moment, I was back in Mount Weather, covered in the blood of those who I had attacked and I felt myself heavily trembling all over. The red tinged knife continued to glint up at me and I couldn’t hear anything over the cacophony of screaming in my mind as I played back the last cries of my victims. There was pressure on my hand, but I couldn’t bring myself to focus on it or understand exactly what was being done to my wound. All at once, the warmth of fingertips brushed against my cheek and my heart almost almost leapt out of my chest as I automatically threw myself backwards.

“Don’t touch me!” I spat in a tone that was venomously aggressive and as my attention finally returned to the room, I finally comprehended that Bellamy was studying me with a painful concern. There were several other members of the kitchen team crowded around the spot where I’d cornered myself and I felt my chest burning as I panted in an effort to catch my panicked breath. Bellamy kept his eyes keenly trained on me as he held his arms out to indicate for everyone else to stay away and I felt blood running down my arm as I noticed that the stained towel that must have been wrapped around my arm had dropped to the floor.

“You all need to leave, I’ll deal with her.” Bellamy instructed and although there was an initial reluctance, when he remained stubbornly staring me down they all eventually filtered out. He softened his expression as he observed me and tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. “I’m sorry I startled you.” He offered in a gentle tone as he waited patiently out of my space and I battled to force my feelings back into their prison at the back of my mind. “It’s just us, there are no other threats in here. You’re safe Love, it’s okay.” He spoke in a careful, reassuring tone and I took a slow, steadying breath as I absorbed his words. “You’re hurt. We need to get pressure on that. Can I...can I touch you?” He breathed and I was so touched by his consideration that I managed to nod nervously.

Bellamy stepped forward in a cautious movement and delicately wrapped a fresh towel around my palm. Every tiny coordination of his fingers was measured and it was painfully obvious that he was trying to minimise the contact between us as much as possible. When he finished containing the bleeding, he met my eyes with a sympathetic smile that shattered the last of my walls. I sniffed back my tears and dried my cheeks in an effort to compose myself.

“I’m...I’m really sorry.” I whispered and he simply shook his head at me firmly.

“Don’t apologise.” He insisted and at the selflessness of his words I threw myself into his chest. He was startled by the sudden contact, but quickly recovered and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I finally felt able to push the last of my terror away with his warmth surrounding me and as he placed a tender kiss on my forehead, I regained my control.


	48. Wᴀᴛᴇʀsʜᴇᴅ

There was a heavy silence in the medical unit whilst Abby carefully stitched my palm together and I avoided eye contact with her. Bellamy had taken the responsibility of explaining the situation on my behalf, and I was unsure how he’d convinced her to treat me without prying about the circumstances, but was glad of the peace as I allowed my mind to recover. Bellamy stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall behind Abby and studied me closely as she worked. Although it might seem like a strange decision to my audience, I had requested to endure the procedure without any medication, as I discovered that the pain grounded me in the present and helped me to restore a sense of calm to my frazzled nerves. 

Once finished, Abby raised to her feet and packed away her supplies with a kind smile. I kept my eyes trained on the ground and overheard Bellamy quietly thank her, before she left us alone in the medical unit. My legs hung off the side of the bed heavily and my newly stitched hand lay in my lap as my gaze became transfixed on the wound. Bellamy’s footsteps were gentle as he approached and sat so close that my legs were contained between his knees. He took my hand in his and gradually brought it to his lips to place a feather-light kiss.

“There, all better.” He whispered and his hot breath tickled my skin in a way that was oddly comforting. He ran a thumb soothingly across my knuckles and maintained a tender grip on my hand. “So, are we gonna talk about what happened tonight?” He asked quietly and I reluctantly dragged my attention upward to view him with my brows furrowed tightly. When my eyes met his, they were filled with such warm understanding that it made my heart ache and I sighed in preparation.

“I told you that I killed people in Mount Weather?” I muttered under my breath and he nodded carefully. “I killed a  _ lot _ of people. I took knives from the kitchens and that meant that most of the fights were...close and personal.” I explained as I glanced down at my lap shamefully. “Holding those same knives, it just took me back and then seeing the blood on my hands…” I trailed off and bit my lip as I considered how to describe my feelings without sounding like a dangerous lunatic. “Sometimes, I just get this anger in me and I feel like I can’t control it. I’m so angry for us, all of us, for everything we went through, for the effects we’re still going through.” I admitted and Bellamy’s brows raised slightly in surprise.

“You have every right to be angry.” He advised as he squeezed my hand in his and I relaxed slightly at his words. “What can I do to help you Indie? I don’t ever want to see you afraid like that again.” He asked as his face contorted into a frown and I smiled at him appreciatively.

“I think I just need time. Training has helped, it gives me a place to burn out the anger and knowing that I can fight helps the vulnerability.” I relayed and he nodded slowly as he absorbed my words.

“Okay, if it helps you I support it.” He remarked in an even tone as he seemed to be analysing the information I’d given. “I’ll see if I can arrange for you to have more time with them instead of shifts. For now though, Abby says that you need to rest that hand for at least a couple of days. So back to light duties.” He ordered firmly and I groaned dramatically. “I knew you wouldn’t like that. Come on, let’s get some sleep.” He chuckled as he encouraged me to stand and we strolled toward our quarters with his arm comfortably draped over my shoulders. 

***

The coming days passed slowly as I struggled to fill my time whilst my hand healed. I knew that Bellamy could sense the shift in me, as my usual sass and attitude faded into quiet reflection and I found myself questioning my own thoughts. I’d spent very little time with my other loved ones, as I fell into the habit of finding quiet areas to study so that I didn’t have to acknowledge their concern. Bellamy had been out on several patrols as they made use of the rover to start significantly mapping out the area and I kept myself distant so that I wouldn’t lash out. There was a strange sense of distrust growing in my own mind, that I didn’t know how I was going to react to things and I was fearful of being overtaken by emotion at any moment.

When I woke this morning, it was to a shake from Bellamy as he tried to rouse me in the gentlest manner that he could. I slowly blinked into consciousness, only to be greeted by his warm smile and charmingly messy bed hair. I couldn’t prevent a yawn from escaping my lips as I stretched in the bed and rubbed at my eyes in an effort to summon some energy.

“Morning Love.” He breathed with fondness in his voice and I viewed him with apprehension. “I wanted to catch you before you snuck off. I’ve got plans for us for the day.” He stated with the slightest hint of mischief in his face and I cocked a brow at him suspiciously. “I’ve got some last things to arrange so I’ll meet you in the courtyard. Don’t ask questions, just get ready to go. Trust me.” He ordered and I felt my stomach lurch nervously.

He swept out of the room without another word and left me sitting in the bed in a state of sheer confusion. I ran my fingers through my severely tangled hair and sighed. Although I knew that Bellamy had likely planned to do something kind for me, I felt uneasy at the idea of spending time together and could feel anxiety over my unpredictability prickling at the back of my mind. With a groan, I dragged myself out of bed and reluctantly dressed for the outside. 

As I stepped out of our quarters, I realised that I had already automatically begun creeping around in an effort to remain unnoticed and was forced to acknowledge that I had fallen into a pattern of avoidance. I crossed the courtyard and shuffled awkwardly toward Bellamy, who stood waiting for me with a smile. As I reached him, he wordlessly took my hand in his and despite the fact that I flinched at the initial contact, he laced his fingers between mind to lead me toward Raven’s workspace. I followed him in silent bewilderment and tried to swallow to panic that fluttered in my chest. We emerged into a space where the rover waited and he turned back to me with a smile.

“I convinced Kane to let me have the rover for the day. I’m gonna teach you to drive.” He announced proudly and I stared back at him in disbelief as the pit in my stomach grew larger.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” I asked hesitantly, feeling anxiety crushing my chest and he smiled reassuringly.

“Yes, I’m sure. Come on, I’ve already scouted out a quiet area for you to practice. Don’t worry, I’ll drive us there.” He stated with a familiar determination as he encouraged me closer to the vehicle and I knew that there was little point in arguing with him.

There was a tense silence between us as he drove toward the location that he’d planned for the day and I chewed nervously on my lip. It was uncomfortable to sit in such a confined space, just the two of us and I could feel myself becoming stressed about his safety with me. I was afraid to even speak and my terror grew into a suffocating force in my mind. Bellamy cleared his throat a few times in an effort to start conversation but the words never followed and we remained uncomfortable. As the car slowed to a halt, I felt my stomach lurch and he glanced over at me with a forced smile.

“Okay, your turn. You ready?” He drawled with a confidence that felt disingenuous and I felt my brows furrow together in concern.

“Bel, why are you doing this? I can hardly function with the things I already know how to do, it’s a major risk to give me control of  _ this _ .” I questioned nervously and felt my hands beginning to shake even just at the idea of being in the driver's seat.

“Because if there’s ever an emergency where you need to take the rover, you need to be able to drive it.” He explained defensively and I sighed in exasperation at his insistence. “You’ll be fine, I trust you.” He added with conviction, before climbing out of the vehicle and ushering me to hurry up. I swapped into his seat with a deep sense of dread growing in my stomach and Bellamy settled into the passenger seat with an entirely relaxed posture.

I adjusted the seat following his instructions and put my shaking hands on the steering wheel. The armoured vehicle felt as dangerous as a tank whilst I was at the controls and I was overwhelmed with terror at the level of damage that I could cause with this. I glanced down at the pedals and gulped. Bellamy efficiently explained the technical use of each item that I needed and I nodded along, despite feeling like I was a ticking time bomb. He was frustratingly calm with the concept of me operating this death trap and I wondered how it was possible for him to have such an unshakeable confidence in me after I’d almost stabbed him without any warning only days ago. When the time arrived to put theory into practice, I stared at Bellamy with wide eyes.

“I don’t think I can do this.” I whispered in a shaky voice and he smiled at me with understanding.

“Of course you can, you’re the most capable person I’ve ever met and this is really simple. Come on Indie, just give yourself a chance.” He insisted with a certainty that was alien to me and I returned my attention to the windscreen with a building nausea. “I’m right here, I can grab the hand break if needed. It’s all under control.” He reassured as I took a deep breath and realised that he wasn’t going to give up on this plan.

I decided that it was best to simply get it done as quickly as possible so that I could return to quietly studying alone in camp, where I couldn’t harm anyone and mentally prepared myself to attempt movement. I tried to gradually release the clutch and balance it against control of the accelerator as instructed, but nothing happened. After a few attempts, the rover hopped forward causing a frantic cry to escape my lips and Bellamy simply chuckled.

“No! I hate this, I’m not doing it, I’m going to get us hurt!” I gasped as I moved to jump out of the vehicle in rebellion but he grabbed my arm to keep me in place.

“Indie, it’s okay. It was just a bunny hop, most people do it while learning. You’re fine.” He explained in a remarkably calm tone and I found myself panting with the panic of the responsibility. “Just take a minute to calm down and we’ll try it again. You’re not going to hurt anything, I promise.” He added with an encouraging smile and I spent some time focused on slowing my breathing. My heart still hammered in my chest and I realised that I was sweating all over.

Eventually, I managed to regain enough control to resume the practice and after a great deal of patience from Bellamy, I managed to get the rover moving slowly in the clearing. He guided me through some simple turns, stops and starts, and ended on an emergency break. I felt a smile break through my anxiety as we slammed to a stop and a surge of pride filled my chest.

“I did it!” I gasped in shock as I turned to him with my jaw dropped open and he observed me with a familiar fondness.

“See, I know that you could.” He asserted with an unmistakable faith and I scoffed at him in disbelief. “I’m sorry that I pushed you, but I felt like you just needed a win right now.” He admitted quietly and I sighed thoughtfully. It was touching to realise that he had thought about this plan so thoroughly to achieve a result that might break through my anxiety.

“Yeah, you’re right, I did.” I admitted quietly and noticed that I felt more in control of myself than I had in days. I glanced at him with such an appreciation that tears filled my eyes and he reached out to gently brush my hair behind my ear.

“You’re not dangerous Indie, you don’t have to be afraid.” He stated firmly and as a tear escaped to roll down my cheek, he quickly brushed it away. “I trust you, we all do. You just need to trust yourself.” He muttered assertively. I allowed myself to be vulnerable as I dissolved into crying and he pulled me into his chest. 

***

I was relieved to be able to return to training with Octavia as it gave me an opportunity to channel my warring emotions and the sessions easily became heated with my renewed energy. Lincoln repeatedly criticised my distracted fighting and I spent more time than ever face down on the ground as I stumbled into my attacks. My temper allowed me an additional speed, but it reduced my ability to analyse the fight and instead the duo easily beat me around. I slammed into the ground with a furious grunt and heard Lincoln sigh disappointedly from above me.

“ _ You are not learning. Do not fight with your anger, fight with your mind. _ ” Lincoln scolded in Trig and I growled with frustration. “ _ Speak to her _ .” He ordered before heavy footsteps indicated that he was leaving and Octavia approached carefully. She offered a hand to help me to my feet and I declined it. I dragged myself to an unsteady crouch and stomped away from her to snatch up a water bottle.

“What is going on with you?” She asked with a blatant level of concern in her voice as I swigged from the bottle. I met her eyes with a frown and shrugged avoidantly.

“I’m fine.” I remarked firmly and she scoffed with a bitterness that was easily identifiable. I could tell in this moment that her and Lincoln had already been discussing this and felt dread at the idea of brushing her off. Years of experience told me that when she set her mind to something, there was no dissuading her and I tried to form a plan to defend myself.

“Clearly. You’re sloppy, reckless and you fight like you’re actually trying to get beat up. I’m not an idiot Indie, I know when you’re not okay.” She argued and I began to wander away from her. She quickly stepped into my path to block me with an insistent expression and I shook my head at her.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I stated coldly and she crossed her arms at me. I tried again to move past her and this time she grabbed me by the shoulders to push me back.

“No, this is enough. I don’t care what you want, we are having this conversation  _ now _ .” She demanded and I clenched my jaw in annoyance. “I’ve lost track of how many times you’ve told me that I’m different since Mount Weather, but we’re never allowed to talk about how different you are since you got back. You put on this act most of the time, it’s fuelled by how happy my brother makes you but that’s not enough to keep it up all the time. I can see through the ‘same old caring, reliable Indie’ bullshit and underneath that I know that you’re broken. I don’t know what happened to you inside that mountain, but it’s painfully clear to me that you’re not over it and I know that pretending you are is killing you.” She ranted with a resolved manner and I scoffed with rage.

“You don’t know anything.” I spat with the familiar anger flooding my veins and she crossed her arms defiantly. I recognised that I was losing control of my words and battled to try to contain the feelings that were rapidly forcing their way out of their neat containment at her provocation.

“You’re right, so why don’t you tell me?” She offered and I shook my head vehemently at her sneaky tactics. “Bellamy told me about the incident in the kitchen. He says that you’re closing yourself off, he’s worried for you and so am I. You’re pushing us all away when you should be confiding in us, in me. You can tell me anything, you know that.” She elaborated and I felt my patience snap.

“What do you want me to say? You want to know what life was like for me in Mount Weather, Octavia?” I growled as I rolled up my sleeves to reveal my wrists. “The first thing that I did when woke up there, thinking that I’d ever see either of you again, was to try to kill myself. I couldn’t cope so I decided that I didn’t want to fight to survive anymore. Then when that failed, I spent three weeks losing my absolute shit to grief and anger, permanently attached to Bellamy’s jacket like some kind of deranged safety blanket. They started using us like lab rats so I took a bunch of kitchen knives and I started killing them, as many as it took and as brutally as I could. And when  _ all of that _ wasn’t enough to save us, I dragged a stray guard into a room and I tortured him...to death. I killed him in the most agonising, drawn out way that my broken little mind could come up with.” I blurted as fury pushed the words from my mouth and I was powerless to stop them.

“After all of my talk on humane treatment, after calling Bellamy out for his actions against Lincoln, after criticising others about acting like animals; I did it myself without anyone else involved. And do you know the scariest part of it all? It was  _ easy _ .” I finished and was shocked to find that Octavia’s expression was barely changed by my outburst. She nodded in understanding and cleared her throat.

“It was necessary Indie. The people in that mountain were eradicating you one at a time like rats. You retaliated because you were cornered. That’s war.” She responded in an even tone and I stared back at her in disbelief.

“No, it’s a war crime!” I argued with my brows knitted together so tightly that it hurt and she shrugged in a manner that was entirely unsuitable to the seriousness of our conversation.

“Under the laws of the Ark, maybe. To the grounders it would be considered a war crime to not take every action available to you to protect your people.” She elaborated and I shook my head in bewilderment. “You did what you had to.” She insisted and I had to take a step back as she reached out to touch my arm reassuringly.

“Did I?!” I spat and clenched my jaw to prevent myself from spewing out any further anger. I struggled to regain control but the emotions that flooded my body were so powerful that I feared I could lash out at any moment. My legs shook in a mixture of temper and fear, and I sighed bitterly. “I’m just so angry, all of the time. I feel like I can’t trust myself, I don’t know how to control it.” I confessed with hot tears filling my eyes and Octavia observed me sympathetically.

“There’s a difference between killing someone when it’s you or them, and killing someone because you feel like it. You taught me that sometimes we have to do bad things to survive, but that it doesn’t have to define you. You taught Bellamy how to trust his instincts and shoulder his burden responsibly. I think you understand that line better than you give yourself credit for.” She spoke in a calm, even tone and I found myself fidgeting with my hands anxiously as her reasonable attitude reached past my anger.

“And what if I don’t? What if I can’t control it?” I probed as I allowed my vulnerability to reveal itself and I shuffled on the spot as I struggled to contain tears. “I’m scared that there’s no difference between me and Murphy, he thought he was just doing what he had to to survive too.” I confessed in a low tone and Octavia frowned at me.

“You are  _ nothing _ like him.” She stated in an adamant tone as she stepped closer and I flinched at her proximity. “You just need some structure, something to make you feel like you’re following a set of rules instead of breaking them.” She suggested and I met her eyes with confusion. “Stop thinking of these sessions as just a way to learn to fight, or burn off your stress. Embrace the grounder way. They aren’t like the Ark. They understand that bad things have to be done sometimes, but they also still expect you to have honour and respect too. It’s all centred around survival, just like you.” She explained and I made a sceptical expression.

“You think that will help the way that I’m feeling?” I asked with uncertainty and she smiled at me encouragingly.

“It saved me when I was lost. Let me save you.” She revealed and I felt a tear slip down my cheek. “If you feel accountable to something, you’ll know that you’re not out of control. You just need something to measure yourself against that actually works for the craziness of Earth.” She explained and I sighed heavily as I acknowledged her logic. I could understand the theory, but I was unsure if anything would dissipate the anger that I was feeling. Octavia stepped fully into my space to place a hand on my arm and smiled at me warmly. “I’ll speak to Lincoln about spending some time with you. He taught me a lot of the principles before I even went to Indra, he’s patient and he has a way of simplifying things. Be honest with him about what you’re feeling and give him a chance to help you. For today though, just get some rest.”


	49. Pʟᴀʏɪɴɢ Wɪᴛʜ Fɪʀᴇ

Lincoln led me through the woodland in quiet reflection and I enjoyed his quiet company. He had been better at encouraging the truth out of my jumbled feelings than I would ever have anticipated and under his guidance I’d been learning to maintain control of my anger. He’d shared the stories of grounder history that he was taught as a child and explained the principles of their culture in simple terms. I practiced mindfulness to unpick my thoughts when I felt overwhelmed and we discussed moral dilemmas to understand the decision making process and priorities for a grounder.

“You remember when we met?” Lincoln’s even voice pulled me from my thoughts and I glanced up to find him observing me closely. I nodded with confusion and he maintained his calm expression. “I remember listening to you scold Bellamy and thinking that you had fire in you. I was not wrong.” He commented with the hint of a smile on his lips and I chuckled under my breath. 

“I didn’t realise that you could understand us then. I’m embarrassed that you heard me lay into him like that.” I remarked with a bashful smile as my steps crunched in the grass and I reflected on how ordinary it seemed for him to live among us now. Though once he was an enemy, he had become a treasured friend and it was bizarre to even consider him through the view that I once had. He inspired me to believe that there was still hope for change. 

“It earned my respect, standing up to your leader. I understood that you and Octavia were strong in your morals and unafraid to speak your minds. I knew that you were good for her.” He confessed and I squirmed on the spot as I recalled the situation differently. Whilst he had been pleased that Octavia had me around for protection, I knew at the time that I was fearful of his presence around her. 

“Not strong enough in my morals to suggest releasing you. Octavia was the one who pushed for that. If we hadn’t been dealing with the chaos over the nuts that day, I don’t know if I would have helped her.” I admitted as I avoided his gaze in shame and he simply hummed thoughtfully.

“That was wise, I was a risk.” He confirmed and I peeked back up at him with surprise. “I was a captive of your people, an enemy who stole your friend. Yet you showed me compassion and kindness. That is who you are.” He stated with a tone as if this were an obvious fact and I sighed deeply. It shocked me that Lincoln viewed me this way, despite the brutality that he had witnessed among our people and I struggled to compare this image to the one that I held of myself.

“Perhaps it was once, but I’ve done terrible things since then. I don’t know that I would have that same kindness now.” I mumbled and he studied me with a certainty that I wished I could feel for myself.

“We have all done terrible things to survive. That doesn’t define you.” He asserted and I grumbled under my breath. “You must learn to use your feelings for judgement and motivation, to be able to call on them when needed but not be ruled by them. Your feelings are your guide and yours have led you this far. You must trust them.” He advised with a wisdom that was far beyond his years in a manner that seemed to be inherited from generations of hard learned lessons and I nodded slowly as I absorbed his words.

“You make it sound easy.” I sighed as I considered the simplicity of his advice and he smiled back at me fondly. In truth, I envied the way that he was able to take large concepts and break them down into easily digestible pieces. In my mind every issue was a suffocating mess of it’s own and it was impossible to separate decisions from emotions.

“Keep practicing. You are getting better.” He confirmed as he approached the gates to camp. We’d developed a peaceful bond over our time together and I found that I had a renewed appreciation for his care of Octavia. I could fully understand now how he had become such a stabilising factor in her life and I was pleased that he had nurtured her strength. She had developed the parts of her personality that were necessary for survival here and it was an enormous relief to be able to trust her to protect herself nowadays.

We entered the camp and entered into our usual routine of sparring with assistance from Octavia, whilst they continually tried to provoke me into emotion driven attacks. Though I still felt that I required a great deal of practice on this, I was maintaining my sensible attacks more often than not and there hadn’t been outbursts outside of training since we began the new approach. Things were back to normal between Bellamy and I, and I had even managed to endure a second scavenging trip to Mount Weather without an incident afterwards.

I wiped the sweat from my brow and took the opportunity to catch my breath as our session drew to a close. Octavia and Lincoln smiled fondly at me as they waited to one side and I raised a brow at them in suspicion. She looked to him as if confirming the answer to an unspoken question and once he nodded, she stepped forward with a serious expression.

“You’re ready.” She stated with pride in her voice and I took a sharp intake of breath. “I still don’t know if Indra will want to train another Skaikru but I’m willing to ask. You’re already better than I was when she trained me, maybe she’ll take a liking to you.” She elaborated in a surprising revelation and I smiled at her gratefully. “So, are you ready for real grounder training? You’ll be away from home a lot and I can promise you that it won't be easy, but if it helps you like it did me, it’ll give you purpose.” She presented her case without any deception and I absorbed the information with a critical attitude. She waited eagerly for an answer and I nodded without hesitation.

“I’m sure. I need to be more than a scared, angry kid from the Ark.” I asserted as I reminded myself why I began this journey and she broke into a wide smile, before pulling me into a hug that caught me off guard. She kept me wrapped in her arms for a while and I could sense the pride and support flowing from her in the silence. When she stepped back, she left her hands on my shoulders in a fond gesture.

“We’ll leave tomorrow morning. Get things wrapped up here. Let me know if you need any help with Bellamy, I know how he can be.” She instructed in a even manner with a brow cocked at me and I gulped nervously.

“Yeah, that’s not going to be fun. If I don’t turn up to meet, assume he’s got me captive and that I need rescue.” I mentioned jokingly but there was a hint of seriousness in my words and she shook her head at me.

As I took the nerve wracking step into our quarters, I felt as if I might vomit from anxiety and found Bellamy pouring over some rough maps of the area. Thus far he had been quite relaxed at the idea of my increased training, happy to support anything that would help me but I knew that the idea of me leaving for an unspecified amount of time was likely to bring out the worst of his protective behaviour. I took a deep breath as I approached him and leaned against the surface that he was working on.

“Hey, you look busy.” I commented idly and he turned his attention to me with a fond smile that made my stomach lurch with anticipation. He seemed relaxed by my presence and I couldn't prevent the guilt at the idea that I was about to shatter that. 

“Kane’s asked me to look over some plans, start dividing the area into sectors.” He explained with an expression that revealed his non appreciation for the task and a genuine smile broke through my expression. I pushed his hair back from his face with a lingering brush of his cheekbone and he leaned into my touch eagerly as he often did whenever I reached for him.

“That sounds exhilarating.” I drawled with a playful smile and he chuckled, filling my chest with butterflies at the sound.

“It’s not. How was training?” He asked with an innocent interest and I felt my heart skip a beat. I knew that I couldn’t avoid the conversation forever and struggled to think how I would begin to explain my predicament. Over my time with Bellamy I’d learned that how I presented things to him had as much impact as the actual suggestion itself and wondered how I could reveal my intentions without immediately setting him on the defensive.

“It was good, Octavia thinks that I’ve come a long way.” I relayed and his smile was genuinely prideful as he nodded at me in a way that indicated he agreed with this opinion, despite never having actually seen me fight. “I actually feel that I’m ready to take it a little further.” I added in a carefully casual way and the moment that the words left my mouth, he tensed against me. I decided to blurt out my explanation before I could change my mind. “Tavi says she’ll take me to Indra and ask her to train me like she did for her. I’d be gone for a while but-”

“What?!” His voice sharply cut through my rambling causing me to flinch and he stared up at me with a powerful disbelief. “You want to leave? I thought you were scared of me walking out one day, now you’re gonna do it instead?” He accused me with a level of hurt in his voice that caught me off guard despite my expectations and I gulped down the guilt that threatened to destroy all of the justifications that were bouncing around in my mind. 

“Bel, it’s not like that.” I sighed as I struggled to organise my thoughts and he scoffed under his breath.

“Then what is it like? Cause it sounds to me like you want to run off to play grounder when I could just as easily teach you to fight here, where we need you. Where  _ I _ need you.” He hissed and furrowed my brows at his tone. A few moments of tense silence passed whilst he stared at me expectantly and I considered how to explain my situation without revealing anything that would only make him more protective.

“I’m not running off. I know that you think you need me in the guard, but I’m a loose canon right now. I need to learn under a leader who is willing to do what is necessary to survive on Earth, but who can also bring me into line. My sessions with Octavia and Lincoln have been helping a lot, learning more about the grounders and the way that they adapt from their experiences helps me to feel in control. It gives me guidance on what is reasonable action for survival and stops me from feeling so vulnerable.” I explained and he shuffled on the spot, crossing his arms in frustration. “The things that happened in Mount Weather haunt me, they’re turning me into someone that I don’t want to be. Indra can teach me to channel that into something stronger, like she did with Tavi. Is there anyone else here that can do that for me?” I presented my case calmly whilst Bellamy continued to scowl at me and I knew that guiding him toward understanding this decision would be almost impossible.

“I know that you’re hurting, but you can’t possibly think that leaving is the answer?” He rebutted with almost no change to his tone or mannerisms and I sighed in disappointment. It was challenging to think of a way to put my feelings into something he could understand and that would reach past his fear of abandonment. 

“It wouldn’t be permanent, I’d come back to check on everyone often. I just need to feel like I can protect myself against whatever comes at us next without spiralling into the next Murphy.” I reasoned in an even voice in an effort to calm the conversation and he furrowed his brows at me.

“And you think the grounders can do that better than your own people? You haven’t seen the way they do things, it's insane.” He argued as he moved his hands to his hips in a stubborn movement that usually indicated he was digging his heels in and I shuffled awkwardly on the spot.

“After Clarke’s alliance, maybe it doesn’t have to be us and them anymore? They survived here against all odds, without the technology or medical knowledge that we have. If you ask me, they are the experts on Earth and the only people that can teach me to survive when all of our benefits are stripped away, when it’s just me against an enemy. That’s what I need, to be able to fight in any situation and to know that I can trust myself to be in control of my actions. I  _ need _ this.” I tried to keep my tone even and calm as I justified my thought process but Bellamy still seemed to grow in his frustration. He moved to pace around the room, rubbing the back of his neck and taking several sharp, angry breaths as he decided on his next words. I waited in nervous silence, fiddling with my hands and when he stopped to face me, I felt my heart skip a beat.

“So, you’re just going to leave us, all of the people who have supported you and fought beside you to train with the people who left us for dead at Mount Weather?” He confirmed with his hands on his hips and a scrutinising expression that made me wish I could disappear into the ground. When he worded it this way, I could understand his reaction and I realised that our time apart had shaped our opinions for the future of our people into opposite standpoints. Although I was tempted to surrender and remain by his side, I felt in my gut that proving this could be done was the most efficient way to guide him to understand my side. 

“If that’s what I need to do to be able to protect all of you the next time that something tries to kill us, yes.” I answered firmly, despite the shaking of my hands and Bellamy grimaced at my words. I knew this would be difficult and my entire heart cried out at the pain of the confrontation, but I couldn’t allow myself to be controlled by my emotions. As Lincoln had taught me, I had to follow my instincts and currently they advised me to lead by example. Several moments of heavy silence passed and I had to swallow the fear that gripped me as the tension only grew between us.

“When are you leaving?” He suddenly interrogated with a cold tone and his gaze fixed to the ground in rebellion. 

“In the morning.” I muttered with a lump rising in my throat and he shook his head in disbelief. He leaned over to snatch up his jacket and strode toward the door with a temper to his movements. “Where are you going?” I probed but he didn’t even glance back at me as he moved and the gap between us felt like a rift that seemed to be swallowing all of the warmth that usually filled the space.

“Don’t wait up.” He called over his shoulder as he stormed from the room and left me biting my lip to hold back tears.

During the night, I was convinced that I had felt him return to bed but when I woke alone in the morning, I wondered if I had imagined it to comfort myself. There was a pit of dread in my stomach as I gathered my things from the room that I knew I would need to take with me and couldn’t deny that I was hurt that Bellamy hadn’t returned to clear the air before I left. I checked in with my dear friends to let them know that I’d likely be gone for a while and was relieved to find that they were all understanding of my needs, even if they didn’t agree with my plan. Knox seemed the most concerned as he expressed that he found it strange for me to leave camp with only Octavia, but he wished me well regardless. I collected my dagger and pistol from the armoury and having exhausted all options to kill time in the hope that Bellamy might show up, I decided to head towards the courtyard.

Octavia waited with the horses and Lincoln assisted her in preparing them for the journey. I glanced around at the camp in a moment of doubt, before steeling myself to leave for the unknown. Just as I was about to approach them, Bellamy strode toward me with a pitiful expression and I tried to deny the sharp stab of pain in my chest at the sight of him.

“I’m glad I caught you.” He breathed in relief as he approached and I shrugged in a passive aggressive manner, unwilling to be the first to extend pleasantries. “I’m sorry about last night. I was hurt and I lashed out, I didn’t listen to your side.” He started, sliding his hands into his pockets in an awkward gesture and I felt some of the tension between us dissipate immediately. “I really don’t want you to go. I want you to be here where I can keep you safe, but I understand that I can’t  _ make _ you stay. Are you...are you sure that you want to do this?” He seemed genuinely conflicted as he viewed me and I gradually softened my face. The raw emotion that radiated from him reached through my upset and instead I was struck with an appreciation of the growth in him to allow me to make this decision for myself without ordering anyone to lock me in camp, as he’d so frequently done to Octavia when we first arrived on Earth.

“I’m honestly not sure, I don’t know if it will help. All I know is that I have to try.” I answered honestly and he nodded slowly as he processed my words. I waited with baited breath for his response and prayed that we could manage a peaceful parting.

“Alright. Well, if you’re going to be away from camp, do me a favour and take this.” He requested, sliding out a walkie talkie from his pocket and holding it out to me. “I know that you’re trying to do this whole grounder lifestyle thing, but it would make everything a lot easier if I could hear your voice, check you’re okay.” He explained in a mature attitude that was a pleasant discovery and I smiled sympathetically at him. “They’re the long range ones, so if you’re ever in trouble, no matter what it is, just call and I’ll come running.” He confirmed with a subtle hint of worry in his face and I took it from him reluctantly.

“Are you even allowed to give me this?” I investigated with a concerned expression and he gave me a wry smile. My gut lurched for a second as I feared that he’d stolen yet another item for me that could result in a punishment for him and I cursed his reckless nature.

“Had to do some serious bargaining for that to go missing, took me all morning.” He divulged with a wink and I smiled despite my annoyance. “It’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’d rather know you’re safe.” He confirmed as if reading my mind and I shook my head at him in exasperation, but accepted the compromise.

“I’ll come back as often as I can get away with. I promise, I’m not running away.” I expressed with a meaningful look up into his face and he stepped closer to place his hands on my arms protectively.

“I know Love. Please, be careful.” He muttered desperately as his handsome features contorted into thinly veiled terror and I nodded slowly.

“I’m always careful.” I quipped in an effort to lighten the mood and he laughed lightly. “Don’t do anything stupid whilst I’m not here to be your impulse control.” I winked in an only partially humorous comment and he smirked confidently, before drawing me into a lingering kiss that felt hauntingly like a goodbye.

***

“She is the size of a child _ . _ ”

Indra’s first words were unexpected, but as she assessed me with a growing disapproval, I was far too intimidated to argue. She was everything that I expected of a grounder leader and more. She towered over me with tattoos and scars that made mine look mild and her expressions were enough to freeze me to the spot in terror. I was glad that Octavia had maintained a way to contact her despite the tense situation between them and our people, but found myself wondering if it had been wise to summon her for this particular request.

“What is your name, girl?” She spoke in a manner that sounded accusatory rather than like a question and I was relieved that we had spent so much time studying Trig now as she grilled me in her native tongue.

“I’m Indigo Kom Skaikru.” I answered in what I hoped to be a confident tone as Indra stared at me with an intensity that felt as if she were looking into the depths of my soul. Octavia’s descriptions of her had not prepared me for the harsh reality of her presence and I questioned whether she had been as intimidated by her when they first met. Perhaps her time as her second had erased the memory of her first impression.

“And why do you wish to learn our ways, Indigo Kom Skaikru?” Indra probed as she maintained her fierce demeanour and I had to remind myself not to show weakness. I considered my answer carefully, as if it were a test that I could not afford to fail.

“I want to survive, your people have survived Earth. Mine are naive. I need to be stronger.” I revealed and I noticed the slightest hint of a smile for a moment as I insulted our people. She glanced back at Octavia, who watched us with an amusement dancing in her eyes and seemed to be enjoying our interaction.

“You taught her well, she almost speaks like us.” Indra commented in a low voice, before returning her attention to thoroughly scanning me from head to toe and I struggled not to squirm under the intensity of her gaze. “I cannot teach you. I am needed by the commander and we do not allow Skaikru to join our ranks lightly. You would not be accepted by Trikru after Octavia’s actions at the mountain.” She stated firmly with a brief glare thrown toward her and I fought to keep the disappointment from my face.

“Indra, this is important to me. I proved myself to you before, please allow her the chance to do the same.” Octavia appealed despite the verbal attack that had just been aimed a ther and I was surprised that she had the confidence to argue with the woman who seemed as if she were braced to beat her at any given moment.

“You ask for too much, girl.” Indra snapped and Octavia sighed in frustration. A few moments of tense silence passed as I contemplated my options, feeling disheartened at the idea of returning to camp empty handed. “None of the 12 clans respect the ceasefire with Skaikru, they would not train someone they consider the enemy. There is only one other who might value potential over clan, but you would need to prove that you are worthy of her time. Can you do this, goufa gona ( _ child warrior _ )?” She interrogated with the full force of her glare and I nodded slowly in return.

“How do we find them?” Octavia enquired without a moment of doubt in Indra’s suggestion and I slowly released a breath that I didn’t realise I had been holding when she turned her attention to her.

“Only I can signal her. I will take you, do not fall behind.” Indra ordered and we quickly gathered our things to follow her as she climbed onto a horse. I felt my mind racing over the unpredictability of this plan as she led us through the woods and when I glanced over to Octavia nervously, she simply smiled with a calm confidence. If she trusted Indra, I knew that I should too and silently remembered the importance of following orders.


	50. Dᴏᴘᴘᴇʟɢᴀɴɢᴇʀ

After following Indra in tense silence for a while, we slowed to a halt and she instructed us to tie our horses nearby a remarkable set of ruins. It was difficult not to be distracted by the looming shapes of the structure and I was aware of how little we knew of Earth compared to the grounders who had built their home here for generations. Despite the nerves building in my stomach, I continued to walk alongside Octavia into the unknown and tried not to allow myself to be distracted by the theories whizzing around in my mind. Indra silently lit a fire and we waited expectantly until she took a seat and I glanced over at Octavia with confusion.

“Who is this woman, Indra?” She enquired as she stepped closer to her mentor with curiosity filling her face and Indra glanced up at her with an unimpressed expression.

“She is a warrior and a friend. She is also your best chance at getting what you want. That is all you need to know.” She responded with a firm tone and Octavia shifted awkwardly on the spot at the firm response. Indra sighed and considered us both for a few moments, before she seemed to decide that she could trust us with some further details. “She was a village leader, like me, until her people were massacred and only she remained. Since then, she has lived alone and accepts tasks from the Commander when she is called upon to serve. As I recommended her for this role, I deliver the assignments and so she will come when I signal.” She elaborated in a bored tone and I felt myself growing tense as I processed this information.

“What makes you think she will help us?” Octavia probed and I felt nervous on her behalf as she continued to press at Indra. I noticed that despite what she had taught me, she mostly ignored the rule to not ask questions and wondered if their time together had allowed them to develop a strong enough relationship for Indra to view her as an equal.

“She does not consider herself part of any clan and cares not for our politics. She serves the Commander for her own reasons, but she has no investment in our distrust of Skaikru. You may be able to use her disinterest in our war to your advantage.” She explained in a tone that conveyed her annoyance at Octavia’s continued questioning, before she turned to inspect me with an assessing eye again. “Your friend resembles her only child. She died in the massacre. I believe this is no coincidence.” She added and I blanched at the information. I shot a panicked glance at Octavia, who seemed equally stunned at this idea, but before I could get any words out we were startled by a sharp voice.

“Who have you brought to me, Indra?” A woman stood at the edge of the ruins, just out of the firelight where it was impossible to discern more than a silhouette and Indra rushed to her feet to greet her. I remained rooted to the spot as I worked to calm the frazzled nerves that her arrival had caused and strained in an attempt to identify any of her features.

“These are allies, Octavia and Indigo Kom Skaikru.” She explained in an even tone and the woman turned toward us with an expression that was unclear in the dark. Though I couldn’t see her face, I could sense her disbelief and began to feel uncomfortable with this plan.

“You would bring Skaikru to this place?” She asked in a cold voice that displayed her suspicion and Indra clenched her jaw defensively. Although she had earlier stated that she considered this woman a friend, they seemed strangely stiff and I began to wonder if this was ordinary grounder behaviour. Until now, I had always imagined that they were warmer in their own relationships, outside of the impending threat of war but it seemed that formality was more deeply ingrained in their culture that I had first believed.

“Octavia trained as my second and has earned my trust. She would not betray it.” Indra stated firmly and I could sense that Octavia was pleased to hear this. “This girl seeks to be taught our ways. I cannot teach her in Polis whilst the Commander still battles to defend the ceasefire. I present her to you for judgement.” She revealed with a flourish before stepping back to allow the woman to assess me.

The stranger strolled slowly toward the campfire and as the light revealed her features, I felt myself take a sharp intake of breath. I recognised her immediately, but had long since forgotten about her existence due to all of the insanity that had occurred since. I recalled my brief guard duty in the woods, where I was ambushed by a grounder who spared my life for no discernible reason and all at once, I understood her choice as I replayed Indra’s words in my mind. She didn’t spare me out of mercy, but simply because I reminded her of her deceased daughter and the haunted expression that she wore as she stared into my eyes only confirmed my suspicions. She glanced over at Indra suspiciously, who nodded in acknowledgement, then back to me as she struggled to regain her composure. She had long copper hair that was almost entirely neatly plaited and a stern face that was as pale as my own. I shared her difficulty, as I stared into her blue eyes that reminded me of my mothers and couldn’t help a pang of familiarity myself.

“I am Arlo Kom Trishanakru. You wish to learn our ways, child?” Her voice was gravelly and full of authority as she stepped closer, and I nodded silently in return. “Your people are soft and weak. You will need to prove that you are worthy of my time. Do that and you will have the chance to regret your request. We do not hold hands. You will keep up or be left behind.” She divulged threateningly and I nodded, despite an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty that gripped my stomach. “Come with me. Indra, we will see how promising your offering is.” She stated as she began to stride away and I was relieved when Octavia and Indra followed together, instead of immediately leaving me alone with her.

Arlo led us further into the ruins in silence and I was amazed by the beauty of the structure. I wondered what this place had been before the world was destroyed, as we stepped through wide archways and into winding tunnels. Octavia and Indra fell further behind us as the space grew tighter and I found myself becoming nervous as I continued to navigate through. Arlo paused for a moment at an open archway and indicated for me to enter first. I took a deep breath and stepped through without question as I had been trained to do. As I emerged into a large, circular space, I heard the sound of a gate slamming and turned to find that I had been locked inside. Octavia hurried over to pull on it, but it didn’t budge and I scanned my surroundings with a feeling of dread.

There were high vantage points, but no other exits and it was clear that I would not be able to escape unless Arlo chose to free me. Octavia pounded against the gate with desperation, despite Indra’s barking orders not to interfere. A gradual movement on the other side of the space drew my attention, as a man chained to the wall struggled to his feet and my heart skipped a beat at the size of him. There was a jangling sound as keys fell from above in a crash at his feet and I faced upward to find Arlo leaning over from an alcove.

“This man slaughtered an entire village. He would have suffered death at the hands of those who call for justice, but there are no survivors to claim that right. Prove to me that you are capable of killing him and I will train you.” She announced from above as the man eagerly snatched for the keys and I stepped back in terror. “You, ripa. If you kill her, I will consider burning your body.” She added to spur him on and I felt my stomach lurch. She threw a dagger down in front of him whilst I frantically reached for mine and my hand brushed over the pistol that was hidden beside it.

I knew that this could improve my chances of survival, but that if I used it in this fight it would not earn my place with Arlo. I would have to depend on grounder tactics if I were to impress her and I gulped nervously as my opponent finished removing his restraints. When he straightened up it was clear that he was enormous, with wide shoulders and a ridiculous amount of muscle. He strode toward me with a menacing attitude and I could hear my heartbeat hammering in my ears.

I held my ground as he closed in on me and as he reached out to slash the knife in a wide motion, I jumped backward to dodge it. Seizing the opportunity to abuse the momentum of him falling forward, I brought my leg up to land a powerful kick in his stomach. He wheezed heavily whilst I bounced lightly on my feet to space myself from him. He hurtled around heavily and I only just crouched in time to avoid a sharp blow that skimmed over my head. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as quick on the next strike and his fist slammed into my face with an earth shattering impact. The shock caused me to stumble and he landed a quick succession of punches that threw me to the ground. I rolled out of the way, causing him to hit the solid floor on his next attempt and managed to drag myself back to my feet, despite feeling like my head could explode at any moment.

All of the training that I’d been through could never have prepared me for fighting to the death with someone this size and I felt myself slipping into panicked habits. I sloppily dodged around him for a while as I wracked my brain for ideas, until a powerful jab caught me in the ribs and I lost my edge. The grounder seized me by the neck and lifted me from the ground with a pressure that made my windpipe feel as if it were about to split in two. I kicked my legs in desperation as I squirmed in his grip and could hear myself screaming in my own mind.

In a moment of clarity, I plunged the dagger into the inner elbow of the arm that he was holding me with and his jerk reaction caused me to plummet back to my feet. Without missing a beat, I struck at his knees, prompting him to fall forward onto them. A desperate burst of energy allowed me to charge forward to kick him under the chin with all of the force that I could muster and he splayed flat on his back. My hands scrambled across the ground for the dagger and I brutally thrusted it into his chest. Hot, sticky blood sprayed up into my face as my hands shook wildly and I remained frozen in place as I stared down into his stunned face. My lungs burned from the panic and several parts of my body throbbed in a way that I knew wouldn’t heal anytime soon.

The gate that had trapped me in here finally swung open and Octavia rushed inside to help me to my feet as I groaned. Indra followed and seemed to view me with a new interest as I wobbled weakly on the spot. I could tell that she was surprised by this experience and couldn’t deny a slight pride in this, hidden deep beneath the whirlwind of emotions that currently wreaked havoc on my mind. Eventually Arlo entered the room with a controlled expression and I panted as I awaited her judgement.

“Well fought and you still live. This is not what I expected.” She commented as she crossed her arms at me and I scoffed at this confirmation that she had believed I would die here. “Very well, I will teach you. We camp here tonight. You’ll begin your training in the morning.” She declared, before sweeping out of the room and leaving me unsure whether I should celebrate or flee during the night. 

***

By morning, my entire body screamed in protest at every attempted movement and sleeping on the ground certainly hadn’t helped with stiffness. I acknowledged that I would probably have to get used to many uncomfortable aspects of living with Arlo and the comfort of Bellamy’s bed felt as if it were a lifetime away. I woke to discover a pile of clothes on the ground beside me and reluctantly slid off my jacket. Before I could get any further, Octavia strolled into the room and smiled warmly at me.

“Ah, I see you got your new uniform then.” She commented as she indicated to the clothing and I shrugged in response. I hadn’t thought as far ahead as this and although I was willing to adapt to as much of the grounder lifestyle as was necessary, I still felt a pang of sadness at the idea of shedding my usual clothing. 

“Yeah, I was wondering about that.” I confessed as she wandered over to take a seat beside me and she shrugged to indicate that she had not expected this either.

“Arlo says you’re too indiscreet in Skaikru clothes. Apparently you need to be able to blend in wherever you’re going.” She explained and I tilted my head thoughtfully. Although this made sense in theory, I had to admit that this earned my curiosity and my mind wandered over what challenges Arlo might have in store for me. It seemed that my training could become more involved than either of us would ever have imagined. “That also means your hair. I’ve got a bit of time before we head out, I could braid it for you? I can guarantee that I'll be gentler than letting her do it.” She suggested and I nodded at her gratefully. She slid into position behind me and made her best effort to get her hands through my hair that had already begun to dread in places. It was remarkably therapeutic for her to neatly organise it into sections and her presence helped me to gradually relax.

“It’s not too late to go back, you know.” She muttered in an attempted subtle meaner and I tensed at her voice. “I know that this wasn’t the plan. You left camp to train with Indra and instead you’ve ended up with Arlo, who is…” She trailed off thoughtfully and I could tell that she was struggling to decide what she wanted to say. I wasn’t even sure how I could describe the differences between what I had expected and where I had ended up, but instead decided to lighten the mood with humour.

“The kind of grounder you could imagine eating their young?” I suggested and she snorted in laughter from behind. It was pleasant to enjoy such a simple moment alone with her, even if it was only fleeting and I noticed a pang of nostalgia in my chest. If nothing else, I was glad that my interest in this way of life had allowed me to re-establish my bond with Octavia and that my new knowledge gave me an insight into the person that she had become in our time apart.

“Exactly. Are you going to be okay with her?” She asked with concern in her voice and I sighed before answering. I appreciated our mutual protectiveness, but most of all I was pleased that we had both learned to trust the other to make the correct decision and to respect their wishes. As I reflected on how much things had changed between us since we arrived, an additional surge of determination rose from my chest to continue growing stronger to be able to meet threats at her side.

“I asked for this Tavi, literally killed for it. Now I’m going to make sure that I learn everything I can. I’ll learn to handle Arlo.” I assured her and she hummed thoughtfully behind me. “Just do me a favour and don’t mention the whole fight to the death thing to Bellamy. I won’t visit home until I heal up a bit. I think he’ll freak if he sees me with black eyes again.” I added with a slight snicker and Octavia shuffled around to view me as she finished up.

“I’ll keep it between us, don’t worry. Your hair is all done.” She chimed and as I moved to stand, I hissed in pain. My hand shot to my waist and I struggled to straighten up. “You look terrible.” She added with her brows furrowed tightly and I scoffed as I shook my head at her.

“Charming, thanks babe.” I teased as I forced a smile to hide my difficulty. I started to undress to change into my new outfit and Octavia cursed under her breath as I slid my vest off. She moved closer and brushed her fingers across my waist with a horrified expression.

“Fuck Indie, I think that ogre broke your ribs.” She gasped and I glanced to where she touched to find a large purple bruised area that covered almost an entire side of my waist. I hadn’t paid much attention until now and even I was shocked by the appearance of it. “You need to get this looked at.” She ordered as she met my eyes and I stepped backward to shake her off.

“It’s not that bad. I can’t immediately bail when I’ve only just earned my place.” I argued despite my inner horror and she stared at me in obvious disbelief. “I promise I will get Abby to take a look when I next come to camp, okay?” I offered, as I began to step into the clothing that I’d been provided and tried to ensure that I didn’t show any indication of concern. There was a heavily ripped pair of black jeans and a pair of knee high, lace up boots which I put on first. I was confused by what seemed to be an absence of a top, but Octavia revealed what I thought to be a long piece of fabric was actually a complicated, wrap around shirt which she assisted me into. There was a bodice that fastened at the front and had long, torn strips hanging from the side that allowed me to hide my radio and gun out of sight. Lastly were some arm warmers which had no real function that I could think of, but I put them on to appease my teacher. When I’d finished I turned to face Octavia, who examined me with pride.

“Look at you, you certainly look the part.” She crooned and I shrugged in return. It was interesting to discover how excited she was by this and her enthusiasm gave me a fresh buzz of appreciation for the journey I was about to undertake.

“All I’m missing now is my scary war paint.” I commented in a teasing manner and she shook her head at me.

“They only wear that when they’re going to battle, not all the time. It’s kinda in the name, doofus.” She snorted as she punched me playfully in the arm. I finished arming myself and hid my radio and gun, then followed Octavia outside to meet our mentors.

Indra and Arlo were standing close together as we emerged from the building and spoke in low voices. I noticed Indra passed her a small piece of paper that Arlo neatly tucked away and they touched arms in a grounder gesture of respect. As we neared, Arlo turned to face me with an appraising look and I was sure that I caught a hint of sentimentality in her expression as her eyes roamed my new appearance. For a moment, I wondered if she had even dressed me in a similar manner to her daughter, but the thought was uncomfortable and so I pushed it from my mind.

“Come child, we have much to do.” She ordered as she turned to stride away without another word and I strained to keep my focus in the moment. I glanced at Octavia to find her peeking between us nervously and without warning, she pulled me into a tight embrace.

“Don’t let her kill you.” She whispered with her mouth close to my ear and I smiled fondly over her shoulder. I basked in her comfort for a few moments, allowing her strength to bleed into me and committing the feeling to memory as I worried that I wouldn’t know when I might see her next. As we broke apart, my attention drifted over to Indra, who nodded subtly over at me in approval and my brows raised in surprise.

It took some considerable strength to tear myself away from the security of my best friend and to follow the strangely cold woman who now guided my fate. We collected our horses in silence and I climbed on to find that Arlo had tied hers nearby, out of sight of the meeting spot too. She led me for hours without a single word and I quickly began to miss the chatty rides through the woods with Octavia. I realised that my reality would be quite different now to anything that I’d previously known and steeled myself for the unexpected.

***

The clang of daggers filled the air as I recoiled from another attack and struggled to maintain my balance. Arlo continued to batter me with a barrage of beatings and over the past few days I’d come to understand that my training until now had been merely child's play. She swept her leg out to take my footing and I slammed into the ground with a groan.

“Get knocked down, get back up.” Arlo threatened as she paced around my crumpled form and I had lost count of how many times I’d heard this statement. I had never known exhaustion as I felt in this moment and I couldn’t catch my breath. The practice had been utterly relentless since we arrived in her camp and I had the gut instinct that she was testing both my stamina and resolve. I tried to sit up but I couldn’t control a single muscle as my entire body cried out in agony. “Do you surrender, sky girl?” She leered from above me and I stared up at her with heavy pants of breath.

“I yield.” I groaned as I dropped my training daggers and stared lazily up at the sky. She had woken me during the night, kept me awake until late, stalked me to attack whenever I let down my guard and now I had nothing left to give. I bitterly awaited a punishment as I laid in the dirt and wondered which bruise I would receive for surrender. Instead, she simply smiled and dropped to a sitting position beside me.

“You are strong for a sky person; determined and stubborn.” She commented evenly and I thought I might die of shock from the compliment. “But you fight with anger and hatred. This fire fuels you, but it burns you also. You cannot control it. You fear it.” She clarified as she studied me with a wisdom that was clear to see. I fidgeted on the ground in an effort to raise myself into a sitting position and she pushed me flat onto my back again with little effort. “This is your weakness. It will get you killed. You must learn to control it.” She ordered in a stern tone and I sighed deeply.

“That is why I’m here. I need inner strength too.” I admitted under my breath and she smirked.

“That cannot be given, you have it or you do not.” She stated coldly as she got to her feet. “You must decide if you wish to be a warrior, or a coward.” She added, dusting herself off and placing her sword back in it’s sheath. “You have today to rest, tomorrow we hunt.” She stated, before striding away without a backwards glance and leaving me swiftly in the dirt.

Once alone in my tent I cleaned myself up, examining the black and blue of my skin that almost seemed to be my natural colour now. I removed the unnecessary items of clothing so that I could relax and my radio dropped to the ground. Wrapping myself tightly in a blanket, I gripped the radio close to me and as the light around the tent faded, I knew that Bellamy would likely be heading back to his quarters by now.

“Xena to Hells Bells.” I spoke quietly into the radio with a sly smile and waited eagerly for his voice. It had been gruelling since my arrival here and I had to admit that I could do with some comfort. A few moments of silence passed and I could imagine Bellamy rushing to find somewhere quiet to respond. I felt my eyes slipping closed from sheer exhaustion when a crackle finally alerted me to his presence.

“Hey Trouble.” The warmth in his words filled my chest, even through the tinny speaker and I felt a smile spread across my lips. “How's life with the Amazons?” He teased and I quietly giggled to myself.

“It’s exhausting on a level I never could have imagined.” I confessed in a meek voice and could sense his concern in his delayed response. Although I wouldn’t lie to him, I was also aware that I needed to be careful how much detail I shared and struggled to consider my words before I shared them.

“Are you alright?” He probed with a thinly veiled worry and I sighed deeply as I analysed my answer for anything that might send him into a protective frenzy.

“I’m getting used to it. How are you? Things okay in camp?” I enquired with a feeling of concern in my gut as the faces of the loved ones that I usually focused on flashed through my mind. The responsibility bared down on me and I tried to push it away before I could find myself crushed under the guilt of leaving them in their time of need. I reminded myself that I was here to become stronger so that I could protect all of us and asserted that I had to focus on myself.

“I’m alright, nothing much has changed here. I’m better now that I know you’re safe.” He mumbled and I hummed thoughtfully. I knew that he would be finding this change difficult, as his nature always urged him to keep his loved ones close and under his protection and I was proud of him for how well he was dealing with this. It was an important lesson for us both and although my heart cried out for him, I steeled myself against the loneliness that threatened to swallow me.

“We’re gonna be moving on tomorrow, so I don’t know when I’ll next be able to check in.” I relayed as I broke into a yawn mid sentence and he sighed.

“You sound like you could use some rest. I hope she’s giving you a chance to sleep?” He interrogated in a voice that I recognised well as defensive and I hummed in response sleepily. “It’s good to hear your voice Indie. Get some sleep and stay in touch.” He remarked and I could already feel my eyelids becoming heavy following the relief of speaking with him.

“I will. Take care of yourself. I’ll come back soon.” I mumbled before switching off the radio with a pang in my chest and settled down for a night of well earned sleep.


	51. Jᴜs Dʀᴇɪɴ Jᴜs Dᴀᴜɴ

I woke with a gasp as water slapped across my face and sat up shivering to find Arlo holding an empty bucket with a cold stare. The entire contents of my tent were soaked and the few items of clothing that I kept on to sleep in were stuck to my skin. My gaze fell on Arlo with a heavy accusation behind my eyes, but she was entirely unfazed by the aggression of my posture.

“You did not wake when I called. Get ready to leave.” She shrugged in a nonchalant manner and allowed the bucket to clatter to the ground as she exited the tent. I cursed under my breath at my rude awakening and busied myself with dressing for the day. When I stepped outside, I found Arlo waiting with the horses and as I approached her, she reached out to hand me something. A set of well worn diggers were placed in my hands and I glanced up at her in surprise. “These will suit your style. Use them well.” Despite having just provided me with a gift, her words still carried the air of an order and I nodded obediently. “Food is running low. You need to learn to live off the land if you are to be one of us. Let’s go.” She directed and I followed her lead to mount the horses.

We rode through the open spaces of the area for a while and I noticed that I was starting to grow familiar with the land. Octavia had explained that living in villages and constantly moving had given her a good sense of direction in the past, but this had made little sense to me until now. Arlo led us to the edge of a forest and instructed me to secure the horses. We started through the trees on foot and I tried to remain light footed as Lincoln had taught me. She spent some time setting traps in the area and I watched closely as she carried out the steps as if they were as mundane to her as breathing. It was fascinating to observe her tracking and although she only shared small nuggets of information as she worked rather than teaching me in detail, I lapped up every shred of knowledge that I could. 

Arlo made catching large predatory animals seem obnoxiously simple and she guided me through the process of stripping the animal for its meat and fur. I was impressed by the grounder way of using everything and silently followed her with the packaged parts of our catch to a trader in a small house in the middle of nowhere. She thrust a scarf into my hands to wrap around me as a hood, warning that I should be careful not to be recognised here and instructed me to wait outside whilst she did her business. I was feeling strained from the long day but still enjoyed the opportunity to expand my skill set as I considered how useful these lessons could be for the survival of Arkadia. Once she had finished, we made our way back to our horses and I noticed that something in her attitude seemed to have relaxed slightly since her cold reception this morning.

“Why do you carry anger?” Her sudden question caught me off guard and I met her eyes with an uncertain expression. She rolled her eyes at my reaction and continued to tread through the mud with a stern feel to her movements. “It is written all over your face; your rage, your loss, your fear. You are dominated by them. A warrior is guided by their feelings, not controlled by them. What do you hold onto?” She asked with a directness that I still hadn’t adjusted to and I cleared my throat awkwardly.

“I don’t mean to carry it. I’ve tried to let it go but I can’t.” I muttered in a poor attempt at an excuse and she fixed me with a scrutinising look over her shoulder that encouraged me to explain. “I was held captive in Mount Weather, with many other of my people. The things that they did to us haunt me. I see them every night in my dreams, over and over again.” I described as I kept my gaze trained on the ground and I felt her posture stiffen at the mention of the mountain. It seemed to be a taboo subject amongst grounders and I had to admit that I didn’t mind, as I was not keen to discuss it either.

“The mountain has fallen. Your people took their vengeance. Why do you still carry it?” She enquired in an analysing manner that reminded me of Lincoln and I sighed thoughtfully. It seemed to be such a straight-forward concept when she presented it in this way, but without the emotions to cloud her judgement, she was unable to understand the continued trauma that the past had on me. 

“It’s not that simple. We are still dealing with the impact of the experience. My loved ones are hurting and the death of the mountain men hasn’t stopped that. I’m angry because even in death they are still hurting us and I can’t do anything to make them stop.” I revealed as I found my voice rising again and she studied me with interest.

“You have won the war but you cannot forget the suffering. You  _ must _ grow from it, but instead you are resentful of it.” She stated in a calculated summary and I stared back at her in amazement for how easily she was able to navigate to the core of the issue. Her explanation felt like a revelation for me and cleared some of the fog that filled my mind whenever something reminded me of our shared pain. “Focus on the battle before you, not those of your past.” She advised in a mixture of an order and calm reasoning, and as she set off moving again in a determined stomp, her movements expressed that this conversation was over.

Her words repeated in my head for days as we continued to travel towards an unknown location and she frequently paused to put me through my paces with sparring. I could already feel an improvement in my techniques and was pleased that the hard work was having a positive effect. We hadn’t returned to her camp in days and although I wondered where she was leading us, I knew better than to ask questions. I resolved that she would tell me when I needed to know and instead allowed myself the time to reflect on my emotions. I continued to feel the lingering pressure of my anger in the back of my mind, but Arlo’s reflections seemed to have eased it for the time being as I considered how I could grow from the experience as she had instructed.

We rode until early afternoon in silence and I tried to untangle the web of conflicting thoughts that bounced around in my mind. Without a word, Arlo slowed to a stop and pointed for me to tie the horses out of sight in the nearby trees. I ensured that they weren’t easily spotted from the dirt road that we’d halted near and returned to the open space by the road beside her with a confused expression. She pulled a neatly folded piece of paper from her pocket and held it up for me to inspect. I could see a small list of notes with an unfamiliar seal on the bottom that seemed to carry a heavy importance and glanced back at her expectantly.

“There is a pack of ravagers in the area that are attacking villages where the warriors have been called to fight. They’ve decimated three villages of children and elders. The Commander has sentenced them to death. We have our kill orders; this is where they must meet their fate.” She explained, before stowing the paper carefully back in her belt and I realised from the placement that this was the same note that Indra gave her before. Indra’s earlier statement replayed in my mind about assigning her orders from the Commander and comprehension struck me that I was indirectly serving her too now. Arlo studied the dirt road with an intense concentration and I cleared my throat.

“Alright. What’s the plan?” I asked with a patient tone and she thinned her eyes at me over her shoulder. Although we hadn’t been together long, I’d already started to recognise some of her expressions and could see a vast selection of ideas racing past in her eyes. She glanced between me and the road, and when she next faced me, there was a determined smirk set on her lips.

“Live bait.” She drawled in an overly satisfied manner and my stomach lurched in dread. As she briefly detailed the plan, I felt my newfound confidence in our partnership quickly fizzling away into terror. Since our first interaction, she’d shown little to no concern about potentially killing me through her tests and I feared that this could be another instance where the risk was greater than I was prepared for. 

Laid on our fronts in the grass, we waited for darkness to fall on the road that led to the village and Arlo informed me that she had calculated this location to be their next target. Once the light had faded, I positioned myself in clear sight on their route and draped my clothing in a way that made me look ravaged. For once, I was glad of my extensive bruising that covered my body as I attempted to look vulnerable and hoped that I would be able to catch their interest. In my mind, a voice was screaming out reasons that this was a terrible idea, as Arlo hid out of sight with my daggers and I prayed that her plan wouldn’t be the death of me. She warned that our targets seemed to go into hiding after each hunt, which had been the reason for their long standing rampage. As a result, Arlo was adamant that an ambush was the only option to find them, other than allowing the sacrifice of another village to draw them out, which was not up for deliberation.

The crunching of footsteps and deep voices drifted in the air from nearby and I tried to calm my nerves as my body chilled against the cool grass. From the arrogant boasting of their conversation, it was clear that they were indeed those responsible for the raiding and it took all of my self control to remain still as they closed in on me with interested commentary. The moment that their hands grazed my side, I sprung to my feet and in a move that had been well drilled into my mind, used my leg to sweep one of them to the ground. They were immediately riled by actions and dropped into a defensive crouch with my fists held out in front of me to protect myself. The group began to circle me hungrily and my heartbeat grew rapid as I assessed my chances in an unarmed scrap against their weapons. One of them lunged forward with a spear and I grabbed the handle to drag him off balance, before promptly kicking the back of his knee joint. A punch caught me off guard and I almost lost my footing as my face throbbed, but just managed to fall backwards in time to avoid the next hit.

“Now, sky girl!” Arlo’s voice was sharp as she fired a well aimed arrow from the trees and in her next movement, tossed my daggers to my feet. I snatched them up without a moment's hesitation and managed to deflect a heavy attack from one of the raiders. Behind them, I witnessed my tutor tearing through the group as if they weren’t hulking giants against two women and although I fought as hard as I could, my attacks were like child's play beside her experienced brutality. There was hardly a piece of clothing on me afterwards that was not covered in blood and despite wiping thoroughly, I couldn’t remove the splattering from my face. Arlo stared down at the bodies with disdain and I was afraid to interrupt as she seemed to seething at them. “ _ Jus drein jus daun. _ ” She growled as she glared at the pile and turned her attention to me with a determined expression. It struck me that this may be too similar to the circumstances of the death of her village and as I considered this comparison, the raw pain that glistened in her eyes confirmed my theory.

“What are your orders,  _ seda _ ?” I enquired calmly as I waited patiently for her to decide on our next actions and struggled not to spiral on the justification of my actions. The blood that stuck to my skin felt suffocating and instead I focused on the hurt in Arlo’s expression to remain rooted in the present.

“We burn them. Then we tell the villages that they are safe.” She declared firmly as she finally regained her usual controlled face and without question, I gathered supplies for the task.

***

My hands strung from scrubbing as I perched by the river and attempted to remove the blood from my clothing. It seemed that no matter how much I washed them, I could not clean away my sins and despite having thoroughly bathed, I could still sense the viscid substance on my skin. Doubt crept in on whether this journey was a mistake, as I considered that my intention of becoming stronger seemed to be the only goal that was being achieved. Instead of dealing with my emotions, I had murdered another short list of people with the only difference that these were under the orders of another and I couldn’t decide if this was better or worse than my choices in Mount Weather. A female voice cleared their throat so close that they were almost on my shoulder and I startled so hard that I came close to falling into the river myself.

“Guilty people are easily shaken.” Arlo stated in a cold tone as I remained with my back to her and attempted to not appear intimidated by her words. I knew that if I faced her, my eyes would likely reveal my state of mind so I continued to scour the fabrics as a distraction. “The blood of your kill is shameful to you?” She probed in a way that was closer to a statement than a question, but I understood her well enough now to know that she would be expecting an answer.

“I killed those people without even seeing their faces or knowing their names. I didn’t question it, I just did it. Is that something I should be proud of?” I responded calmly as I kept my eyes trained on my task and anticipated a lecture or stern lesson for my doubts. I was surprised when she took a seat by my side and studied me with an obvious curiosity.

“Those men killed innocent people, ended many lives. In the villages they murdered children in their beds, cut elders down as they ran for their lives. You delivered justice in the way that they  **knew** would happen when they chose to commit these crimes.  _ Jus drein jus daun. _ That is our way.” She detailed with a well practised control in the way that she spoke and I shifted awkwardly as the horror of their crimes crawled under my skin to make me feel nauseous. Her words were an immediate reduction on the weight of my regret and as I involuntarily imagined the scenes of the devastation in the villages, the punishment quickly began to feel inadequate for the atrocities they’d committed.

“Then, how are we any better than the mountain? Killing whoever opposes us for the survival of our own people and ways?” I thought aloud and she furrowed her brows at the mention of their enemies. My stomach lurched at the concept that I might have overstepped my boundaries by comparing them to their longstanding adversary and I returned my attention to the washing to avoid her gaze.

“Our people are given a choice. Follow the rules and live in peace, or break them and you will be punished.” She argued in a firmer tone than before that indicated an annoyance buried underneath her cool demeanour and I sighed as I processed this statement. “What would your people do with men such as these?” She enquired with a genuine interest and my gaze snapped back up to her in shock. Until now, it didn’t often occur to me how little Arlo and the rest of the grounders knew of our people, besides considering us to be soft. They weren’t aware that our ways weren’t all that different, as I reflected on some of the morally questionable decisions made by the council for our survival on the Ark. I considered this situation under the leadership of Arkadia for a while as I realised that I was unsure of the answer in our new society.

“Before we would probably have killed them too. We didn’t have the resources to waste on criminals.” I revealed with an uncomfortable feeling in my chest and she seemed both surprised and satisfied by this information. “But since we arrived here...I guess probably exile them?” I concluded as I recalled the decisions that had been made thus far to distance our people from our previous laws and she tutted under her breath in disapproval.

“So that they can harm others outside of your borders? This is selfish.” She growled bitterly and from her reaction, I got the impression that this was not the first time our selfish actions had affected her, or the grounders as a whole. “Or perhaps they will find allies and return for vengeance, or power? Also foolish  **and** unwise.” She listed with an expression that was thoroughly unimpressed with this imaginary decision and I recalled Murphy’s exile. I reminded myself that this punishment eventually resulted in the death of multiple camp members, and almost Bellamy, in an attempt for him to overtake the camp. As I considered her argument, I found myself agreeing with her point of view, despite my initial reservations. “These men were given the mercy of a quick death. By our laws, they would have been executed in an agonising ceremony, but it would have taken a large force to capture them alive and the Commander does not have this to waste. They  **deserved** their fate. You are simply the hand to deliver it. There should be no guilt in this.” She clarified with a stern expression as I raised my eyes to meet hers and I nodded in understanding, grateful for a new viewpoint to reflect on. 

We shared a meal in silence as I turned her words over in my mind and tried to convince myself to liberate myself of the guilt. My gut instinct still urged me to persist in learning from her and although I could no longer recognise whether my decisions were improving or not, I listened keenly to our next briefing of tasks on her list.

“Someone is causing unrest against the Commander. There are tensions in the city that Indra believes are being exploited. We must find the source.” She instructed as she stared down at the piece of paper with intensity and I was relieved to discover that this assignment didn’t immediately seem to involve killing someone. “We will go to the trade posts. If they intend to gather numbers, they will have to venture there eventually. That is where we will lure them out.” She stated as she stashed the list away and I found myself wondering how the Commander had gained such a level of commitment from Arlo. Perhaps it was simple as providing her with a purpose after the loss of her daughter and home, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was deeper than that. She began to noisily clear things in camp and this shook me from my thoughts. I took this as my signal to get ready to leave and rushed to ensure that I had everything needed.

Arlo did a thorough check of my clothing and adjusted my hood before we even entered the trading outposts to ensure that I would not draw any unwanted attention. It was fascinating to survey her once inside the bustling locale of the market. The way that she flowed through the crowds with no effort given to her movements and seemed completely at home in the chaotic environment was mesmerising to me, as I struggled to navigate without bumping every person that I passed. It was obvious now that she had grown up as an active part of the grounder community, not always as an outcast and the closer that I observed her, the more I noticed about her. The way that she held herself provided a subtle indication that she had been in a position of authority; the scope of her observation that revealed her deep distrust of everyone and her attention to detail, and the confidence with which she presented herself as if she already expected the respect of whomever she was speaking to.

Although we remained close enough to monitor events and conversations, she ensured that we were never in the centre of everything to minimise risk. There was a remarkable amount of sights to see and I struggled to focus on any particular goal under the sensory overload of grounder culture that surrounded me. Time flew past in the excitement of the markets and despite having only heard some minor whispers at best, Arlo was determined that we were on the right trail. I began to wonder if she was withholding some kind of clues from me, as she followed some invisible lead like a bloodhound. By the third day of hanging around, we overheard a conversation that gripped us both. There was a swift response to some criticism of the alliance with the sky people, which offered a meeting to any party who might be interested in supporting a more worthy Commander.

I stood as stiff as a board as I listened as keenly as I could, whilst trying to be inconspicuous. The informant grew nervous and listed a location to meet later on, before leaving us alone to continue examining items in the marketplace as if we’d heard nothing. Once confident that we were not being watched, Arlo grabbed my arm to guide me from the stalls. We returned to our horses to fully arm up and as we headed toward the meeting point, I noticed a subtle fury in her eyes that only further fuelled my earlier suspicions about her commitment to the Commander.

“Remember, we take the leader alive.” Arlo emphasised as we crunched through the trees into the woodlands around the trade posts and I nodded in acknowledgement.

We split up to approach our target from opposite sides of the clearing and I was assigned the role of ambusher whilst Arlo distracted the informant by masquerading as an interested ally. I crept low to the ground and concentrated on making my steps as quiet as possible. There was a set of men awaiting Arlo, either side of a smaller framed person who wore a hood and kept their back to me. I analysed that this was the person that we’d heard earlier and knew that this would be our target to capture. I observed as Arlo strolled up to them with a poker face that could only be developed through years of sly tactics and ensured that I was well placed to strike at a moment's notice. As soon as I was sure that she was close enough, I leapt forward to capture the smallest target whilst Arlo efficiently cut down the two guards. The informant struggled against my grip and it was a challenge to contain her, until she was quickly injected with something that I hadn’t seen used before now. She went limp in my hands and dropped quickly to the ground.

“Azgeda, should have known.” Arlo commented as she pushed back the hood to reveal several purposeful burns on the face of our captive in tribal patterns. I felt my gut drop at the mention of this clan again and was conflicted on whether to mention the last attack from them that Octavia and I had survived. Before I could decide, she straightened to standing and fixed me with a stern expression. “I need to take her to Polis for questioning. The Commander will want to investigate this herself. I cannot take you with me whilst tensions with your people are mounting. You are to meet me where Indra signals in four days.” She ordered whilst I struggled to comprehend that I had just been given free time and blinked back at her with a blank expression. “Four days to decide if you can live with your choices and fight on, or do not come back. Do not disappoint me sky girl.” She added coldly as she thinned her eyes and her withering stare snapped me from my shock.

I assisted her in transporting the Azgedan to the horses and as she galloped off with her evidence gracelessly slung across the horse, I directed myself back to our camp. It felt strange to return to my original clothes and as I gradually released my hair from the tight braids, I felt as if I hardly recognised myself any longer. It was as if I had split myself into two people and the transition between the two was uncomfortable as I strained to remember where each belonged. I was relieved that the worst of my bruising seemed to have faded now and though it was significantly better than when Octavia left, I still appeared as if I had a gruelling time away from home. I packed my grounder clothes into a bag in case I needed them in a rush and mounted the horse to navigate back to Arkadia.

Crossing the field in front of our gates, the sensation rushed over me that I had been away for years and I felt butterflies in my stomach at the thought of returning. I prayed that I would not return to chaos, as I needed some time to simply recharge after the intensity of Arlo. Once near the gates, I waited patiently whilst the guard tower radioed for permission to allow me inside and had to laugh at the absurdity of this when I’d barely been gone for ten days. The realisation slowly sunk in that if Bellamy had not already been aware of my arrival before, then he’d probably hear on the radio now and I was unsure what to expect from his greeting. I trotted inside with my usual array of bruises and hoped that he would not make a scene about the state of me. It was a relief to plod through the courtyard with little more than a few polite nods from nearby residents as I passed and I wandered to the stables to settle my horse calmly. Turning to leave, I found Octavia standing in the doorway with her arms crossed.

“Ah, the wanderer returns at last.” She pouted in a tone that indicated that she was unimpressed with my absence and I rolled my eyes at her in disapproval.

“I said I was going to wait until I looked better to come back. I wasn’t away that long! And I checked in with Bellamy, he said camp was fine.” I replied defensively and she shook her head at me as she slowly broke into a smirk. It was obvious that she was too relieved that I was home to maintain her annoyance and I let out a slow breath as I relaxed.

“Well, you still look like hell. Just so you know.” She stated with a brow raised mockingly and I chuckled at her blunt attitude. I began to stroll lazily out of the stables and she remained close by my side. “Bellamy and the others are out on the rover for a while yet, so it sounds like you have some free time. I remember you making me a promise when I saw you last.” She probed with her eyes glistening with a clear agenda and I groaned in rebellion as I recalled our conversation.

“Tavi, I don’t need to see a doctor, I’m fine.” I argued, already regretting my previous comment about seeing Abby and she halted on the spot to fix me with a scathing glare. I gulped in dread as I anticipated her response and shuffled avoidantly on the spot.

“Oh really?” She enquired in a baiting tone and I nodded back in stubborn determination. She reached out to push my waist and a fierce howl escaped my lips as I stumbled away from her in shock. “Yeah, really looks like it. Come on, let’s get to medical.” She declared with a hint of a victorious confidence in her voice and I sighed in frustration, whilst remaining disobediently on the spot. “You can either walk there willingly, or we can fight and you can end up being carried there in a stretcher. Your choice.” She ordered with complete seriousness to her threat and I reluctantly accepted my fate. In all honesty, I wanted my time here to be as restful as possible and if sitting on a bed whilst Abby fussed around me would get Octavia out of my hair, I was willing to begrudgingly endure it.


	52. Pᴀɪɴғᴜʟ Pᴀʀᴀʟʟᴇʟs

Although I was frustrated to be marched like a prisoner, I begrudgingly followed Octavia to the medical unit. Despite my internal prayers that the staff would be too swamped with patients to waste precious time examining me, we arrived to find it strangely empty. My captor seemed to be as confused by this discovery as I was and we both began to search around in concern. This part of Arkadia was usually bustling at all hours with people requiring all manner of treatments and witnessing it abandoned caused a series of disastrous possible circumstances to flash through my imaginative mind. 

“Well...what do you know, there’s no one here. Guess we’ll have to go without.” I commented with a shrug as I realised that I could benefit from the absence of any medical staff and Octavia paused on the spot to cross her arms at me in annoyance. Before she could even open her mouth to scold me for my clearly inauthentic tone, footsteps announced a presence in the eerily quiet room and a vaguely familiar face strolled in with his hands overflowing with papers. He glanced up at us from his deep concentration in confusion and Octavia rushed over to meet him with enthusiasm.

“Jackson! There you are.” She breathed in relief and I was glad to be able to match a name to the face that I was struggling to figure out how I knew. I hadn’t spent much time in medical on the Ark but in the time that I’d spent being patched up by Abby thus far in Arkadia, he always seemed to be close and waiting for the opportunity to assist her. “We were looking for Abby, have you seen her?” Octavia asked with a brief glance over his shoulder as if she would pop out of one of the cupboards and I hoped that he would provide an answer that would allow me an escape from this situation.

“Oh, yeah she got called into a meeting with Kane. From the sounds of the briefing, I think she’ll be busy for a while. We’ve decided to close the clinic for the afternoon. As you can imagine, we’ve got plenty to catch up on to fill the time.” He detailed as he glanced between us curiously and Octavia hissed under her breath in disappointment. I couldn’t contain a smirk in satisfaction and kept my fingers crossed behind my back. 

“Indie’s hurt and I need someone to check her over. I know that you’re really busy, but is there any way that you could take a quick look at her? I don’t think I’ll get a chance to grab Abby before she leaves camp again.” Octavia pleaded and I shifted awkwardly at the idea of being examined by someone else, especially considering I hadn’t wanted to do this in the first instance. Jackson took a moment to ponder and the expression that he wore as he viewed me indicated that he had noticed my reluctance.

“I can squeeze her in for a quick exam.” He sighed as he returned his attention to Octavia with a tired smile and I cursed inwardly at my misfortune. “Lincoln was in here earlier looking for you, did you see him yet?” He added in a tone that was almost convincing, but still felt deceptive to me and Octavia’s eyes grew wide as she glanced between us with a conflicted expression. 

“You can go find him. I’m already here so it’s not like I’m gonna run off. I’ll see you later.” I assured her as I allowed Jackson’s plans to play out in the hope that I could uncover his intentions and she bit her lip guiltily as she struggled to make a decision. After a few minutes of heavy inward deliberation, she eventually nodded in confirmation and left me alone in the unit. Jackson led me to a bed at the back of the space and pulled across a curtain for privacy. “Why did you lie for me?” I probed with piqued interest and he simply shrugged at me.

“I’ve learned to recognise when someone doesn’t want to be here and generally I’ve found that they’re more honest when not under duress from loved ones.” He explained with a smile that reminded me of Abby’s and it was clear to me that they had trained together. I reminded myself of the times that I’d seen him fuss around her, keenly focused on making her job as easy as possible and knew that she must have a strong faith in him to allow him behave in such a manner. This thought provided me with some comfort and he casually moved further away to take a seat to address me. “So, what are we dealing with today?” He enquired warmly as his worried gaze explored me and I sighed.

“I took a beating last week that left me with some pretty colourful bruising.” I revealed in a grumble as I stared at my hands to avoid his expression. “Tavi made me promise to get it checked out, I wouldn’t be here otherwise. It’s really not that big of a deal.” I added bitterly as I forced myself to meet his eyes again and to my surprise, he nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, I’m getting that impression. Not one for making a fuss?” He commented with a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes and I shrugged with a huff at his accusation. “Alright, let’s take a look.” He offered as he stood to approach me. I reluctantly rolled up my vest and sat sideways on the gurney with my legs dangling off the edge. Jackson’s gaze intently focused on my waist with his brows deeply furrowed together and I squirmed awkwardly.

“The bruising has mostly calmed down but it’s still sore. Tavi’s got it in her head that I’ve broken something.” I elaborated in an exasperated tone and Jackson hummed thoughtfully. He indicated for me to lay down and as soon as I’d moved into a comfortable position, he started to feel around my waist delicately. I bit my lip to contain any hisses of pain and was generally managing to remain in control, until he pushed on two of my ribs. Involuntarily, I cried out in pain and wriggled on the bed, and Jackson’s expression grew sympathetic.

“Well, your description sounds about right. This looks like it was quite the beating.” He remarked with a brow raised at me inquisitively and I scoffed in an effort to brush him off.

“You should see the other guy.” I joked in a forced confidence as he chuckled under his breath. For a moment, flashes of the fight that had caused this injury flashed through my mind but I quickly brushed them away with the inward assurance that any resulting damage was worth it for my unexpected partnership with Arlo.

“Indigo, I’m pretty certain that your ribs are broken. It’s harder to give a definite diagnosis without an X-Ray, but I’d be confident enough to state that at least two of them have snapped.” He divulged with a grim expression and I hissed in annoyance at this information. Until now, I’d been pushing the discomfort to the back of my mind in the hope that it would heal soon and this was the exact kind of set back that I had been afraid of. If Bellamy or Octavia found out about this, I knew that I would be locked inside this camp until I could be medically cleared and I couldn’t be sure that Arlo would extend her offer for that long. The deeper that I considered this scenario, the worse it became in my mind as I realised that the list of names of people that would panic about this was longer than I wanted to face and I gulped in dread.

“So, what’s the treatment, Doc?” I questioned as I tried to force a positive attitude and Jackson seemed uncomfortable with my perky response. He cleared his throat and shifted reluctantly on his feet as he struggled to form his words.

“Well, there’s really not much we can do. You need to take it easy. Don’t put too much strain on them and we’ll give you some pain relief to get you through until they heal.” He detailed remorsefully and the moment that he had finished explaining, I sat up to pull my vest back into place with relief.

“Awesome. So, just wait for them to heal? I can do that.” I chirped as I got to my feet and he seemed to be startled by my movement. He held his hands up to halt me and moved into my path to block me from leaving with panic in his eyes.

“Wait!” He spat sharply and I paused in place to study him sceptically. “This is serious Indigo. It’ll take at least 6 weeks for them to heal and you need to ensure that you rest if you don’t want it to become a  **long term** problem.” He argued insistently and I nodded to indicate that I was listening. “Let me get you some medication before you rush off.” He added nervously as he moved toward the cupboards and I sighed in frustration. I knew that I needed to leave quickly if I were likely to convince him that I did not need to be forced to rest and his delays were only further stressing me.

“Don’t need it, I’ll manage without.” I stated firmly as I peeked over at the exit and he examined me with concern. “Jackson, I’ve been through worse than this, I’ll be fine. Let’s just keep this whole thing between us  **please** ? I don’t need the whole camp fussing around me.” I pleaded with a blatant desperation and he shifted on the spot, seeming to be confused by my request. “I promise that I’ll come back if I can’t handle it. I just don’t want to be coddled.” I clarified calmly and he released a deep sigh as he looked between me and the exit in conflict. He wandered to a cupboard and returned with a single tray of tablets, which he held out to me reluctantly.

“Fine, but you have to take these. Use them whenever the pain is too strong to manage and we have a deal.” He drove a hard bargain and although I surveyed the tablets with disgust, I agreed to his terms. I stashed the medication away in my jacket with a grimace and headed out into camp.

There was no sign of Octavia returning from her false errand to Lincoln yet, so I spent some time seeking out a meal as I waited for the scouting mission to be over. In the back of my mind, I knew that Bellamy would have heard the guard confirm my arrival over the radio and was likely trying to rush them back now. I couldn’t deny the fizzle of excitement in my stomach at the promise of seeing him and a smitten smile spread across my lips.

After a decent dinner, I strolled back to our shared quarters to clean myself up from my time living in the woods and was shocked at my own reflection. The bruising on my face was still terrible, although much improved from when it first developed and I felt my stomach flip with anxiety as I considered how Bellamy would react to it. I took the opportunity to ensure that I was as clean and presentable as possible with our limited resources. 

The door opened suddenly and I whipped around to discover Bellamy entering with a wide smile. He immediately dropped his things to stride over to me and his arms wrapped around in a tight embrace that warmed me to my core. I didn’t realise how much I had missed his comfort until this moment and I felt myself melting into his chest. There was a sense of peace between us that could only exist in each other's company and I basked in the joy of his presence after such a strenuous time away. When we broke apart, he dotingly pushed my hair behind my ears to examine me and took my face into his hands.

“You’re all beat up again.” He muttered in a low tone and I gulped nervously as I anticipated an argument. “I was just getting used to seeing you without bruises constantly.” He added with a fond smile and I felt my shoulders drop their tension in relief. “I’ve missed you.” Bellamy whispered, his voice cracking slightly as the words came out and I couldn’t prevent the smile that spread across my lips.

“I’ve missed you too.” I agreed as I leaned my forehead against his and enjoyed indulging in his closeness. Whenever he was near, I felt as if everything that I battled to maintain around everyone else faded away into nothing more than background noise and I could simply be myself. He stepped back and flashed a contented smile at me as he slid off his jacket. “Although, I think I might have missed the bed more.” I teased as I glanced over at it wistfully and he chuckled heartily at me, before gradually pulling off his shirt in a movement that made me bite my lip eagerly.

“You think?” Bellamy asked with a brow cocked at me suggestively. “Let me help you figure it out.” He drawled as he stepped closer and placed a hand on my hip, gently threading his fingers under my shirt to brush my bare skin. With an agonisingly slow rate, he crept into my space and his other hand came to rest on my cheek. The heat radiated between us as he inched toward me and his fingers traced the length of my hip bone, jolting my memory back to the very first time that he tried to kiss me in his tent. 

Somehow, despite the time that had passed since then, he still managed to command the same intoxicating pull that always lured me into him. His nose brushed my cheek clumsily as he pressed his lips delicately to the bruise on my cheekbone and I released a hot breath that I didn’t realise I had been holding. Lovingly, he trailed butterfly kisses across each individual mark on my face, as if he were able to kiss away the pain and despite the foolish nature of this method, every minute touch from him crumbled down the strength that I had focused on so obsessively recently. 

Bellamy leaned away from me just enough to carefully manoeuvre my vest over my head and his eyes roamed down to my waist, causing his brows to immediately furrow in concern. I noticed that his shoulders stiffened and could sense the unspoken question as he worried about hurting me. I shook my head at him with a reassuring smile and as he opened his mouth to speak, I pulled him into a kiss with both hands. His lips were warm against my own and I realised all at once how much I had craved them. As always, I found myself becoming lost in him as he deepened the kiss and I felt my head spinning with dizzying arousal. I couldn’t focus on anything other than my desire for him and the all consuming fear that had been dominating my mind was pushed aside for a blissful moment.

***

When I stirred awake, there was a pain in my ribs that had grown from a dull ache to a crushing pressure. Bellamy was in a deep sleep beside me, so I smoothly slid myself off the mattress to pad quietly across the floor. Rummaging through discarded items of clothing, I eventually managed to seek out the medication that Jackson had forced me to accept earlier and swigged it down with a bottle of water in desperation. As I crawled back into bed, I realised that Bellamy had woken up and was reaching out to me. I shuffled across to settle in his arms with a whimper of pain and placed my head on his chest.

“You’re hurt...aren’t you?” He whispered and although there was a clear concern in his voice, I didn’t sense any of the annoyance that I had expected. Before speaking, I considered my words carefully to ensure that I could be truthful, but reviewed which information I could share without triggering an unnecessarily panicked reaction.

“I’m alright Bel.” I breathed, gritting my teeth in order to prevent the pain from seeping into my voice. “Just need a bit of recovery time. I overdid it slightly when proving myself to Arlo.” I admitted quietly as I decided that any further details would be unwise and clamped my mouth closed. Sensing the pain in my words, he threaded a hand into my hair and began to play with it in a soothing manner.

“Octavia didn’t say much, except that you weren’t with Indra. What’s she like? This grounder?” He enquired with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion, and although he couldn't see my face, I found myself smiling. It was often challenging, but inwardly I had to admit that I adored the interest that he showed in me and the protective gaze that he often examined me with. I’d never been able to depend on someone before as I could with him and I was overjoyed to always know that he had my best interests at heart. Arlo’s face filled my mind and I strained to filter everything that I’d learned about her into a brief description.

“She’s strong, resourceful and full of wisdom; although she doesn’t share it easily. She doesn’t pull her punches and she puts me through my paces but...I think she’s making me stronger, both inside and out. You wouldn’t believe the horrors that she’s lived through…to still be so determined, I admire her.” I answered thoughtfully and he hummed in response as he reflected on the image that I’d painted for him.

“Well, you already know that I don’t like seeing you hurt, but if you think that this is the right thing for you, then I’ll try to trust your judgement.” He responded evenly and I was impressed by the growth in his attitude. “Besides, I’ve been keeping busy here without you. We’ve had a whole new group of volunteers for guard duty and the existing ones are still a work in progress. I actually could do with some help if you’d be feeling well enough?” He suggested casually and I leaned around to look up at him inquisitively.

“Of course. What do you have in mind?” I asked with my interest piqued and my mind had started to run wild with the possibilities. He smiled at my immediate willingness and I was glad to have the opportunity to support him in return. It was another testament to his development since we first met that he would even consider asking for assistance and I felt my heart swell with pride at the man that he was becoming.

“It’s been challenging to train the girls and they’re not feeling confident yet. They need a different style of fighting, one that’s better suited for people with large height differences.” He began and I felt my face fall into a frown of confusion. I couldn’t imagine how this would involve me and felt my stomach drop with dread as I awaited his explanation. “Several of them remember your self defence classes back at camp and they’ve been asking for you.” He revealed with a smug smile and I raised my brows at him in surprise.

“They’ve been asking for  **me** ?” I questioned with an expression of disbelief and he chuckled lightly at my reaction. In all honesty, the sessions that I’d taught back in camp felt as if they were a lifetime ago and I’d long forgotten about them. I’d already shared what felt like most of my knowledge, which was mostly things that I’d read in my father's book collection and was unsure that I had anything useful for an organised unit of guards.

“Why is that so surprising?” He questioned confidently and I rolled my eyes at him. “You made them feel safe and found a way to teach them that they could use.” He detailed his points as if they were obvious and I struggled to absorb his faith in me. “Besides, I remember seeing you take out several people bigger than you, which let’s face it is pretty much everyone.” He teased and I jabbed him lightly in the side in offence. “They’ve seen it too. They’ve seen your courage and determination. You inspire them, whether you realise it or not.” He added, bruising his fingers tenderly across my cheek and I squirmed at the praise. His request turned over and over in my mind as I tried to picture myself facing a room full of keen guard recruits and a wave of nausea immediately washed over me at the thought.

“What do you want me to teach them?” I grumbled awkwardly as I pushed my feelings of dread to the back of mind and he stared at me incredulously.

“How to survive?” He suggested with a hint of amusement in his tone and I sighed in exasperation. “Look, Indie, even before you went off for your grounder training you could survive fights that, on the surface, should have easily gone the other way. Teach them to do the same.” He elaborated in a manner that revealed how carefully he had considered this plan before bringing it to me and I felt a pang of guilt at my reaction

“If it will help you, then I will try.” I conceded with a forced smile and he smiled gratefully, before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.

***

Bellamy was reluctant to rush out of bed the following morning and after the incomparable comfort of an actual mattress, I was happy to indulge in some alone time. He volunteered to journey out to the kitchen to collect some breakfast for the two of us whilst I remained stretched out in luxury. He rushed back to join me with an eager smile and we ate together under the covers. I was relieved to have returned to our blissful little bubble and for a few hours, it was easy to forget the state of the world outside of the doors. 

Once we eventually dragged ourselves from the room, he left to begin preparations for his regular training sessions with the recruits, whilst I wondered with a relaxed spring in my step toward Raven’s workspace. As the door opened, there were several dramatic clanging noises immediately following each other and I overheard Raven cursing loudly. Hurried movements carried me further inside to search for her and as I turned the corner, I discovered her sat on a workbench with her head in her hands. I cleared my throat to announce my arrival and she jolted upright, wiping at her eyes in an effort to hide any signs of distress.

“Oh, hey! I’d heard that you were back in camp. What are you doing here?” Her voice was gravelly as she tried to force it into an optimistic tone and she sniffed between her words. Her cheeks were damp despite her wiping her sleeve against them and her eyes were clearly bloodshot. It was plain to see how exhausted she was and I could already feel upset growing in my stomach at the sight of her

“Thought I’d check in on you, make sure you haven’t flipped out and killed anyone yet.” I commented as I followed her lead and strained to sound casual. I could easily recognise that she wanted to keep the conversation light and was embarrassed to have been caught in such a condition. The smile that spread across my lips even felt inauthentic and I sighed as I realised that I was unable to continue this ruse. “You alright?” I asked gently as my brows knitted together and she nodded vigorously at me.

“Of course, I’m fine.” She stated defensively as she strolled across to some shelving to place her tools away and I noticed that she seemed to be limping more than usual. I recognised the same defiance in her than I had been displaying with Jackson in medical and felt a tinge of guilt as I acknowledged that my struggles paled in comparison to what she was dealing with. I settled into a seat to indicate that I had no intention of being scared off by her behaving as if she were busy and considered how I could encourage her to be honest with me. I knew her well enough to know that if she didn’t want to talk about something, there was little that could be done to force the issue, but I also couldn’t allow her to continue facing this battle alone.

“Alright, sure. You don’t want to talk about it. I’ll be honest first then.” I opened and she turned to face me with a confused expression. “I have at least two broken ribs, which I have convinced Jackson to keep quiet, despite his protests that I need to rest and take pain relief. I let a literal ogre of a man almost kill me to prove that I was worthy of training from an insane grounder, who I have to constantly keep my guard up around. I’m trying to learn how to be fine and keep going, without lying to everyone around me. Not just because it makes me feel guilty, but so that no one stops me from going on this journey, because I’m afraid that if I stop, I’ll completely fall apart. I’m a goddamn mess, pretending to be a badass and I’m sick of the exhaustion of pretending.” I summarised in a raw voice and her eyes gradually widened in shock as I spoke. “Your turn.” I offered calmly and she sighed reluctantly, before finally admitting defeat and plopping down into a seat beside me.

“My hip hurts. My leg hurts. Everything is painful and I can’t tell anyone because if I do they’ll pull me off duty and my work is all I have left to live for.” She confessed as she avoided my gaze by staring at the ground and knotted her hands together in a gesture of stress. I was relieved that I’d succeeded in gaining the truth from her and that my assumption that our issues were similar had been correct. I smiled sympathetically at her and my heart ached as I absorbed her broken expression, wishing that I could take her pain away.

“You know you have value as more than just a mechanic, right?” I acknowledged and she scoffed under her breath. “It’s true! You have an incredible mind. Even if your body  **had** to slow down, you would be no less valuable. And outside of that, you’re hilarious, genuine, determined, courageous and  **beautiful** . And you have plenty of people in this camp who love you. You are not just a mechanic.” I disclosed with a brutal honesty and she finally brought her face to me with tears in her eyes.

“And you don’t have to get yourself killed to protect everyone. Nor do you need to prove yourself to anyone. You’re already strong, Indie. You don’t need a grounder to beat the shit out of you to prove that. Stop worrying about your adopted family, we can take care of ourselves. So you should take care of yourself.” She stated with a firmness to her voice that I hadn’t expected and I squirmed awkwardly in my seat. Even though her statements were full of kindness, they crawled under my skin and caused discomfort as they clashed against my own internal opinions. “Easy to give advice but not so easy to hear it, is it?” She drawled as she smiled at me sadly and I hummed thoughtfully in response. 

“Some pair we are.” I commented and she chuckled under her breath in a way that was heart-warming to witness. “It’s difficult to let go of the lives we had planned for ourselves, huh? The more I consider it, the more I think that we’re all struggling to figure out who we need to be here and it’s gonna take some time to feel like we are making the right choices. Just know that you don’t have to do any of this on your own, Raven. I might not be around much, but I have  **always** got your back and there are plenty of others that have too. Lean on your friends.” I urged as I reached out to take her hand in mine comfortingly and she nodded back at me with pain in her eyes.

“I’m trying, but everyone is dealing with their own shit too. It’s hard for us all. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.” She revealed as her leg twitched nervously and I viewed her with understanding. “I’ve been getting to know someone new actually. Her name’s Gina. She’s in our little patrol group. We compare war stories mostly, but it helps me to feel connected to the person that I was on the Ark. She’s been pretty good for all of us. I think you’d like her.” She explained with a barely noticeable glint of hope in her body language and I shrugged casually to mask my excitement over this.

“I’ll have to make sure to get an introduction to her whilst I’m here.” I remarked and she smiled in appreciation. “I’m glad you’ve got someone to talk to. I hate the thought of you shutting yourself away. You’re nosy and loud, it doesn’t suit you.” I teased as I winked at her and she jabbed playfully at me.

“Speaking of nosy...Bellamy must be glad to have you back. He’s doing surprisingly well at dealing with you leaving...but I can still always tell that he’s pining after you like a sad little puppy.” She crooned as her tone lifted back into a familiar lilt and I shook my head at her with a snort. “Seriously though, you’re good for him. You’ve helped him to grow and I’m pretty sure he makes you softer. You don’t punch people anywhere near as often as you used to.” She winked and I couldn’t suppress a laugh.

“Well, I’m working on this thing called self-control. You should try it.” I suggested and she rolled her eyes at me in a dramatic manner.

“Sounds boring. I’ll pass.”


	53. Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ Bʏ Aɴʏ Mᴇᴀɴs

Settled in the sunshine of the courtyard, I enjoyed the bustle of activity around me, whilst safe in the knowledge that I didn’t have any current responsibilities or risk of surprise attack. It was relaxing to be around familiar faces and to have the time to reflect on my feelings. My time with Arlo gave me little time to think and I relished in the opportunity to let my guard down for a while. I jumped at the arrival of Bellamy, who smiled warmly down at me.

“There you are, Trouble. So, I managed to get access to the training space for this afternoon and the trainees have been told that you’re offering a session. They’re actually pretty pumped. You still feel good enough to instruct?” He investigated with an obvious enthusiasm in his manner and I raised my brows in surprise. Immediately I regretted not discussing a time frame when I’d agreed to this favour and took a moment to gather my words.

“I didn’t expect to be doing that today, but...sure, I can do it for you.” I answered with a forced smile and mentally tried to assure myself that I was able to teach despite the dull ache in my ribs. He looked momentarily concerned as he examined my face and stepped closer to place a hand on my arm in a protective gesture.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to do it if you’re in too much pain.” He enquired with his brows knitted tightly together and I could tell that he was analysing me for any signs of weakness that I might be burying. I shook my head in defiance and hoped that my well-practiced in control act would be enough to fool him. “Alright. You’ll be training with me, so don’t worry about getting hurt.” He revealed in a tone that he clearly intended to be reassuring and I couldn’t help a wry smile at his plan.

“Aww, that’s sweet. You didn’t want me beating the snot out of anyone else, huh?” I taunted deviously and his brows shot up in surprise at my brazen attitude. “So selfless.” I teased with a playful prod at his ribs that caused him to flinch reactively and he scoffed with a subtle fondness in his eyes as he shook his head at me.

“Very funny.” He commented with his charmingly wonky smile that made my heart leap and I basked in the warmth of our banter. It was refreshing to indulge in flirtatious teasing after such intensity with Arlo and the contrast only increased my appreciation of my relationship with Bellamy. His eyes grew serious as he viewed me and I recognised a genuine worry in his posture as he cleared his throat to speak again. “You’re teaching them to fight someone bigger, especially men. Did you honestly think that I was gonna risk any man in this camp hurting you?” He detailed with just a hint of aggression in his voice as he glanced around us as if analysing for any potential threats and I chuckled at his protectiveness. It was entirely unnecessary but I was flattered by his determination to shield me from any harm; it was frustratingly romantic.

“Well, you just make sure you don’t go easy on me, alright? They need to learn and they can’t do that if my assistant is too afraid of injuring me to properly participate. Think you can do that?” I probed with a brow raised at him in suspicion and he fidgeted on the spot in a display of discomfort that he tried unsuccessfully to hide behind a forced display of confidence.

“Sure.” He answered firmly and I shook my head at him in disbelief. I could already recognise that he was reluctant at this suggestion and my mind began racing with all of the potential ways in which this could be disastrous for our relationship. I felt a panicked tug in my chest that screamed to rescind my offer and as I met his eyes, I knew that he could sense my unease. “Don’t worry Inds. I’ll do whatever you need to teach them. Now come on, we should get there early to set up.” He excused before encouraging me to follow him and I quashed the feelings of dread that he would be overly gentle with me.

We entered a space that Bellamy had clearly been using for guard training for a while and set up soft items to break the fall to the ground, amongst other methods. When people began to enter, I was stunned at the number of trainees who had turned up for me and found myself wracking my brain for ideas. I wished that we’d had the time to practice together, so that I had a course prepared for them but quickly realised that Bellamy was likely counting on my impulsivity. I was relieved when he took the lead to address the gathered crowd and instructed them to pair up to practice their usual drills so that I could observe the technique that they were currently using. 

I noticed that much of the methods that they had been taught depended on core strength and easily understood why the females of the trainee guard had expressed concern for this. Instructors that were built like Lincoln and Bellamy were clearly used to having superior strength, but for the average female in our camp such as myself, this was not something that we could rely on. I worried that if they were to come into contact with grounders, who fought viciously, or a well trained force such as the guards of Mount Weather, these manoeuvres would be insufficient. Mentally, I scanned through the memories of my own experiences in an effort to uncover specific teachable information and as mentioned by Bellamy, I focused on the fights that I’d barely scraped through with my life. The methods that I had resorted to were likely more extreme than anything that leadership would consider as a regular curriculum, but if Bellamy truly wished for me to be honest about the reason for my survival, I knew that these choices were the key. I glanced over at him, prompting him to call the class to attention and cleared my throat nervously.

I found myself glossing over the lessons of my fathers in my memory that had shaped me into the survivor that I had become, combined with the self defence books that he’d left behind that I’d studied for exercise. 

“Alright. Welcome to fighting like a scrappy lunatic 101.” I opened in a light hearted manner, earning several chuckles from the audience and a sly smile from Bellamy as he remained beside me protectively. “Some of you may not realise yet that I have zero formal training, and no ‘official’ techniques that I can teach you, but you asked for me so here I am. Mostly, I think I’ve been selected because I’m small, but somehow still alive and you are all trying to figure out how. Honestly, it’s a mystery to me too! But we’re gonna work through it together.” I announced in a jesting tone and was glad to notice that the group seemed to be relaxing into my approach to teaching. They glanced between each other with excited smiles and their positive reactions allowed some of my nerves to dissipate.

“Let’s start with what I can offer. You’ve all been trained to be guards. You’re mainly planning to be there as a deterrent inside of camp. You have guns which you expect to be able to use and so you’ve learned to fight in a certain, morally acceptable way. That’s fine and absolutely useful knowledge to have. In fact, 90% of the time that will be enough for your roles. But as those of you who have been on the ground for long enough know, there’s always that 10% of the time where Earth bites you on the ass and you have to do whatever it takes to survive. I’m here to teach you for  **that** 10%.” I revealed as I wandered from side to side in front of my gathered audience and managed to pick out the faces of Harper, Monroe and Raven in the crowd, who all smiled widely at me with a pride that made my stomach flip. 

“I’m gonna be honest with you guys: if you’re ever in a situation where you have to use these things, you’re in trouble. The person you’re fighting against isn’t going to care that you are a young woman, smaller than them, potentially unarmed or maybe even captive. They will do anything necessary to survive and you need to be willing to do the same. If you’re not comfortable with that, there’s the door. You can leave now.” I explained in a firm, cold manner and allowed several minutes of tense silence to pass for my potential trainees to make their decision. When the group remained unchanged, I peeked over at Bellamy with a thankful smile and felt a hint of confidence bloom in my chest. It was strange to acknowledge that there were more people in camp than just Bellamy who believed in me and I became determined to be worthy of their faith. 

“Alright, let’s start with something simple. I want you all to look at us. Really assess the two of us. If we were in a life or death fight, it should be obvious that Bellamy has a powerful advantage over me.  **These** are the kind of odds that I want you to stand a chance at overcoming.” I stated as I faced Bellamy and he chuckled at me, whilst a few of the audience scoffed in disbelief. Their doubt was unsurprising, as I understood how impossible that would seem but since I had landed on the ground, I’d proven repeatedly to be able to overcome odds that I would never have imagined. I glanced over their nervous faces with a resolute smile and decided in that moment that I would imbue some of the lessons I absorbed from my late fathers books.

“If you’re faced against an opponent that you can’t overpower, never tell yourself that’s the end. Instead, you’re going to focus on using everything that you have available to you. You’re going to fight smart, rather than strong. They will have already decided that they can beat you just from looking at you. They’ll be overconfident and they’ll expect to win out of brute force. Use that to your advantage.” I explained to the enthralled crowd, as excited whispers began to spread between them and took a deep breath to prepare myself for the next step. “Alright big boy, let’s start with an example. Come at me.” I ordered as I strolled over to the crash mats and squared my shoulders. Bellamy raised his brows at me with uncertainty, his back turned to the crowd to address me.

“What?!” He hissed as his eyes widened in shock and I felt my stomach flip with dread at his reaction. “Indie, I thought we’d be slowly demonstrating techniques, not actually sparring?” He breathed quietly, careful to keep his voice gentle enough that he would not be overheard as he neared me and I sighed in disappointment. Despite my initial reservations, I had forced myself to believe him when he promised to do whatever I needed and I couldn’t help feeling somewhat frustrated in his lack of trust in my abilities.

“The technique relies on surprise. I can’t demonstrate that properly if I tell you what to do. Now come on, you said you’d do whatever I needed.” I argued with exasperation as I crossed my arms at him and he shifted awkwardly on the spot. He glanced back at the waiting trainees and then returned his attention to me with a conflicted expression. “Bel, either you can spar with me or I’ll have to ask Lincoln, and you know that he won’t be delicate.” I muttered in a low enough volume that only he would hear and he grimaced at this threat. We both knew from our separate experiences of training with Lincoln that he was highly proficient at simulating the power of a real fight within a safe environment and we had several times left these experiences with injuries from our own overexertion.

He finally nodded in bitter agreement and reluctantly strolled over to take a position opposite me. As we waited to start, I noticed that his brows were deeply furrowed and knew that he was crucially afraid of hurting me. I hoped that once he realised that I could hold my own he would relax and steeled myself to prove that I didn’t need protection. After a few moments of hesitation, he struck forward clumsily and I bounced lightly on my feet to manoeuvre out of his path. He almost sprawled onto one of the crash pads before he managed to save himself and I continued to flow quickly out of reach of his half hearted attacks. I kicked forward with enough power to knock him without actually causing any injury and his eyes widened in surprise as the impact pushed him aside. He stepped backwards to gain some space to recover and in quick succession, I trod on his foot and then struck rapidly at his throat. He gasped and lunged forward in an attempt to grab me, but I bounced out of his reach easily again. This time he was unable to recover from the momentum of his attack and crashed into the ground in a rather ungraceful movement. I turned back to my audience, who were watching with a mixture of disbelief and admiration with a smug smile.

“Alright, let’s break down the important information from that: the bigger your opponent is, the slower they will move. In order to counter that, you should always remain light on your feet and move constantly. You can tire them out this way, whilst also remaining outside of their reach. If they are taller than you, they’ll have longer arms which means they can usually land a hit on you before you can even get close to them. Stay at a distance until you are ready to strike and as I just demonstrated, allow them to use their own momentum against them. When you do move from defensive to offensive, make good use of your legs as they are longer so you’ll have a better chance at reaching past their guard without whilst still maintaining some space for yourself. In order to maximise the power you can put into those strikes, you need to practice your kicks and strengthen those leg muscles. Find your usual sparring partner and see how those moves change your fights.” I summarised and they eagerly spread out to begin practicing these new techniques together. I wandered over to Bellamy to assist him to his feet and he viewed me with a fresh amusement.

“Well, now all of these fights make sense! You’re a sly little fox.” He commented as he pushed me playfully and I giggled at his reaction. My chest swelled with relief as I noticed that he seemed to have relaxed as I had hoped and I was proud that I’d managed to hold my own against him. Despite the fact that I knew Bellamy would never intentionally hurt me, I had to admit that he was still a formidable opponent due to both the size/strength difference and his experience as a guard.

“You didn’t really think that I was going swing for swing with all these big guys, did you?” I teased with a wink and he shook his head at me with an awestruck smile. For the first time, I considered what he had imagined to be the events of my previous fights and his disbelief finally seemed to make sense to me. “You only know a few of my tricks, don’t get too confident. I’m still gonna kick your ass.” I taunted as I crossed my arms at him confidently and a subtle snort escaped as he burst into chuckles at my small stature.

“Alright Xena, I won’t be so easy on you now.” He remarked with a smirk and I felt my stomach fizz with appreciation at the fond nickname. 

Once I’d wandered the room to observe their practice and corrected any developing mistakes, I returned to standing at the front of the space. As one of the recruits attempted to use a tackle that they had been taught in a previous session, my memory was jogged back to the self defence books that I’d studied in my cell when I became paranoid about our new classes. It seemed like a lifetime ago, sitting in the dark cell on the Ark and obsessively attempting to prepare for some unknown threat so that I could protect Octavia. I ran through the limited information that I remembered and considered which of it would be most beneficial to fill the gaps in their learning. I gathered up the group and Bellamy patiently ran through moves slowly as I explained them. Once we’d finished, I addressed them in preparation for another round of sparring. 

“So, you want to take advantage of areas of weakness. Those are the nose, eyes, throat, kneecaps, feet and, on men especially, the groin. Never underestimate the power of a good kick to the balls!” I instructed, to which Bellamy flinched nervously and several trainees laughed. “Don’t forget to use other parts of your body than just your fists. The heel of your hand can give a nasty strike, especially if you’re hitting upwards. Also, your elbows, your feet or your knees if you’re kicking. Don’t be afraid to get creative.” I listed as the trainees nodded in response and I could already recognise the confidence that developed in their posture. 

“What I want to demonstrate is how when it gets desperate, you need to get creative. Brute strength isn’t everything, use your mind to outwit them.” I announced to prepare them for the kind of scenario that I was aiming to simulate, before turning back to Bellamy with a nod. “Alright. This time, I want you to pin me down.” I ordered nervously, expecting for him to argue but instead he threw me a suggestive look that broke some of the tension of my dread. 

He swiftly tackled me to the floor and despite being prepared for it, the power that he was able to command still surprised me. I wiggled manically under his heavy hold and when I was unable to easily free myself, I resorted to forcing my knee into his side. He flinched, releasing one of my hands, which I used to jab into his armpit and loosen his grip on the hand that was still trapped. Whilst he was distracted, I barged my shoulders forward into his to shove him off me and crawled onto my hands and knees in an attempt to escape from him. Bellamy rushed after me and pulled me into a hold that although tight enough to be uncomfortable, would not actually choke me. I recognised this brace from the students and knew that it was crucial to teach them how to escape it. I made a few gripes for his face or neck, but was unable to reach him from the position that he’d contained me. 

Mentally, I imagined that this was someone who truly meant to kill me in order to force my mum instincts to take over and without thinking, I bit into his hand, earning a dramatic yowl. The moment that he released some of pressure in shock, I burst my way out of his restraint and pinned him to the ground with my hands lightly on his neck. We were interrupted by a round of applause and some cheers, which broke us apart. We helped each other to our feet and brushed ourselves off as the noise faded out.

“Did you just  **bite** me?” Bellamy breathed in a mixture of shock and admiration as his mouth fell open. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was this not the right place for me to do that?” I asked suggestively and caught several giggles from nearby girls. A subtle smirk spread across his face, despite his attempt to bury it and I thoroughly enjoyed the way that his eyes studied me with a fresh excitement. Reluctantly, I tore my attention away from him and returned to facing our audience. 

“The unfortunate truth is that when it comes to life and death, there are no limits. You need to be willing to do things that you never imagined you could do to another human being. Don’t be afraid to bite, scratch, pinch, spit or even pull hair if you want to. These things may not be high impact attacks, but they’ll come in handy when you’ve got no other options and will usually shock your opponent enough to give you a chance to escape or strike properly. Once you’ve managed to catch them off guard, make the most of every moment that you earn with surprise. Now, we’re going to run through some simple tackles and holds that you can use to manipulate their strength and momentum, so you’re not dependent on your own muscles.”

***

The rest of the session passed quickly and the students left in high spirits. It was shocking to me how well the lesson had been received and I found myself pleased that I’d agreed to the unusual request. I sourced an ice pack for Bellamy and he took it from me with a disapproving smile. Although relieved that I hadn’t seriously injured him, there was something amusing about witnessing him struggling in the aftermath of fighting me and I recognised from his expression that this was a highly unexpected result for him. Movement to my side drew my focus and I turned to find an unfamiliar face studying me with an entertained admiration.

“So, you’re the infamous Indigo that I keep hearing about! You’re exactly as described, that’s a rarity.” She crooned with a wide smile and I stared back at her in uncertainty. “Oh, I’m Gina. Raven, Harper and Monty have been telling me all about you.” She explained as she held her hand out and I shook it awkwardly. “Well, I’ve managed to get a little info from this one too whenever I can get him off the topic of guard duty. You’re pretty much the only other thing he’ll talk about.” She added with a playful wink and I glanced over at Bellamy fondly. He cleared his throat and tried to avoid meeting my eyes in embarrassment.

“Yeah, he’s definitely a bit of a workaholic.” I agreed as I looked poignantly down at Bellamy who simply rolled his eyes in response. “It’s nice to meet you. I heard you’ve been getting to know some of the others. It’s comforting to know that someone’s keeping an eye on them whilst I’m gone.” I replied casually with my hands in my pockets and she smiled warmly in response. She had curly brown hair and large, honest eyes. I couldn’t place what caused it, but there was something trustworthy about her and I immediately understood how she’d been able to integrate with my little family so easily.

“Yeah, they’re all great people and it’s clear that they’ve been through a hard time. I didn’t come to Earth until the Ark, so I want to do anything I can to help now that we’re finally here.” She revealed with an earnest attitude and I was surprised by how immediately open she was. It was clear that she had a strong work ethic and I was impressed by her willingness to contribute. She glanced between Bellamy and I, seeming to suddenly realise that she was interrupting and shuffled awkwardly on the spot. “Anyway, I’ll let you be. You’ve had a busy day. Hit me up if you want to hang out, it would be nice to spend some time together.” She suggested with a friendly smile before wandering off and I glanced over at Bellamy with confusion.

“You get used to her. She’s a nice girl and she wants to help. We could do with more like that.” He commented, before getting to his feet with a groan and I chuckled under my breath at him. “Jeez Indie, when you said you were gonna kick my ass I didn’t think you actually meant it.” He breathed in a dramatic manner, causing me to snort in laughter.

***

After a comforting night snuggled up with Bellamy, I felt recharged enough to manage some check-ins on people and wandered into the courtyard. I was in the process of navigating to Jasper and Monty’s dorms when Councillor Kane blocked my path. 

“Indigo, I was hoping to catch you before you left camp. Could we talk?” He asked with an overly friendly smile fixed in place and I shuffled on the spot with uncertainty. Until this point, I’d really only seen him from afar and had made a significant effort to keep it that way. I was surprised to even find that he knew my name and realised that I couldn’t have remained as far under the radar as I believed I had.

“Umm, sure? What can I do for you Councillor?” I enquired with my brows furrowed together in confusion and he put a hand on my upper arm to lead me aside. Immediately, I was uncomfortable with the contact and shrugged him off with more aggression than intended.

“Let’s go somewhere more private.” He remarked as he led me inside and I felt nerves building in my chest as I followed behind him. Despite Bellamy’s frequent comments about his trustworthiness, I couldn’t help feeling as if I were in trouble and a voice at the back of my mind urged me to turn tail and run. As his boots echoed through the halls of the Ark, I was struck with a strange sense of deja vu from the day of my arrest, causing a wave of nausea to wash over me.

When we arrived at a small doorway, Kane stepped aside and gestured for me to enter first. I examined him suspiciously before I passed and the moment that I stepped inside I found Abby waiting with her usual serene smile. Her presence was immediately reassuring and I felt my shoulders drop their tension. We waited silently for Kane to join us, closing the door tightly behind him and then settling into a seat beside the familiar Chancellor in a carefree manner. Abby cleared her throat to draw my cautious gaze away from my detailed assessment of Kane as I tried to anticipate his intentions and as our eyes met, she smiled fondly.

“I’m sorry for the secrecy, Indigo. We wanted to be sure that this meeting was private and as unbiased as possible for you. As I’m sure you can imagine, we have a great deal to manage in setting up a sustainable community here. That’s what we’ve brought you here to discuss.” She addressed me with a calmness that demonstrated how well she had grown into her new role and I glanced between them with a baffled expression.

“With all due respect Chancellor, I’m not sure how that involves me?” I suggested with my best attempt at a well mannered tone and Abby’s smile grew into an amused grin. She peered over at Kane, who regarded me with a curious interest and seemed pleased to be given the opportunity to lead the conversation.

“We would like to establish a stronger alliance with the grounders. The ceasefire has been a blessing, but we need to negotiate trade and open communication with the Commander. For the time being, the most correspondence that we receive from her is permission to leave Arkadia for supplies or patrols.” He revealed with an evenness to his voice that almost made his suggestion sound reasonable, but I couldn’t contain a disbelieving scoff as I stared back at him. “That’s where you would be involved. I understand that you have been training with a grounder and integrating with their lifestyle. We’d like to utilise your experience to help us to plan our strategies and to approach the Commander. In order for us to properly receive your input, we would like you to join our council meetings.” Kane divulged and I felt my mouth fall open in shock. I gaped at the two of them for a few moments as if awaiting a punchline, but when neither of them spoke I found myself stuttering for words.

“W-what? Are you insane? I-you-what?!” I spat as I continued to gape at them and they simply calmly smiled back, only further fuelling my exasperation. “I know that negotiating the ceasefire was a hell of an achievement, but this is a completely different level of cohesion that you’re aiming for here. We’ve managed to earn the respect of one or two grounders for a couple of our people, but even  **they** still view us as a whole as dangerous, clueless children compared to them. Our partnerships with Indra and Arlo were hard fought. We couldn’t do anything on a large enough scale to impress them  **all** . It would never work. We would need individuals to be willing to change, to work with grounders, study with them,  **respect** them and honestly I don’t think there are many people here with the grit to do that.” I stated in a frustrated rant as I reflected over my own initiation and the gruelling tasks that I’d undertaken since. There were very few people that I could imagine being willing to endure that kind of process and even fewer grounders that would offer the opportunity. I shook my head at the thought and Kane observed me with an unexpected understanding in his eyes.

“Indigo, I know that a lot changed whilst you were captive in Mount Weather. When you were taken, you and the rest of the 100 were at war with the grounders and you emerged to find that we allied to free you. It must be disorientating.” He commented and I rolled my eyes at him, feeling patronised. “Whilst you were there, the grounders came to Arkadia for a joint training session under the Commanders orders. It was chaotic, but it demonstrated to me that we could help one another and that the Commander was open to this possibility too. An alliance could be mutually beneficial. We just need your help to convince them of that.” He presented his case calmly, even in the face of my reactions as I began to pace in front of the two of them and only stopped to fix them both with a scrutinising look.

“Why me?” I asked in an accusing manner and they looked to each other awkwardly. “Octavia has been partnered with Indra for far longer. She has a close link to the Commander and she was here during this training session that you were so confident in. Surely she’s a better match? Or hell, Lincoln?! He’s been a grounder his entire life. Octavia and I pale in comparison and he has been an advocate for peace in the past. I can’t think why in the hell you would bring this to me?” I probed with annoyance growing in my voice as I listed points and Kane seemed to pass the responsibility of answering this question to Abby.

“We already asked Octavia. She was quite clear on her thoughts of who ‘her people’ were.” She answered quietly and a coy smile spread across my lips at this information. “And Lincoln still has a kill order on his head. Although he would be, and had been, useful for advice, he would not be able to participate in any meetings with the grounders.” She clarified as if this were an obvious disadvantage and I scoffed loudly at the incredulous implication.

“Meetings with the grounders? You want to send me out to discuss an alliance with people?!” I exclaimed, hardly able to believe what I was hearing and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Kane seemed to be highly amused by my behaviour, rather than frustrated as I would have expected. “Have you completely lost your mind, Abby?” I argued, whilst she squirmed awkwardly in her seat under the intensity of my gaze.

“Take some time to consider it, Indigo. You don’t need to make a decision right now. Our next meeting is tomorrow.” Kane interrupted and I turned to face him with a stern scowl. “I remember your case and imprisonment. It was a tough one to follow the law on. You had a hard life on the Ark. You could be more here, just give yourself the opportunity.” He appealed in a manner that was likely intended to be understanding and I felt a passionate rage boiling to the surface as my hands tightened into fists at my sides.

“You don’t know shit!” I snapped, before quickly reminding myself that I couldn’t allow my anger to control me any longer. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself, then fixed Kane with a glare that would destroy a lesser man with it’s pressure alone. “I don’t need time to consider it. The answer is no. You can find someone else to be your scapegoat with the grounders.” I growled as I sharply turned on my heel and swept from the room.


	54. Hᴇᴀʀᴛ Oғ Mᴀʟɪᴄᴇ

In an effort to extinguish the fury that pulsed like poison in my veins, I spent some time sparring against makeshift dummies in my old training area and only ceased attacking once I felt that I was able to interpret my thoughts without the heavy fog that had smothered them immediately after the meeting. Due to Kane’s interruption of my plans and the following exertion that I required in order to regain control, I finally arrived at the dorms later in the day than intended and as a result found them empty. The next destination that I theorised Monty and Jasper would likely be was the mechanical unit and I wandered there hopefully. Instead of discovering their welcoming faces, they seemed to be absent from their posts too and as I returned to the exit, I was distracted by a familiar, timid face.

“Indie, you came home!” Knox’s goofy smile was contagious as I paused to greet him and he practically buzzed with anticipation at the sight of me. The last of the anger that hovered in the back of my mind fizzled away and I was calmed by the warmth of his reaction. Though we hadn’t spent an enormous amount of time together, it was abundantly clear that Knox was alarmingly invested in our relationship and I was beginning to suspect that he was lonely. Unlike Bellamy, I knew that his intentions were entirely innocent and felt that he viewed me similarly to an older sibling, rather than as a desired romantic interest. 

“Hey bud. Of course I did! I told you I’d be coming back.” I remarked as I placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled fondly back at him. I’d never asked his age, but from his appearance I knew that he couldn’t be older than fifteen and was impressed at his resilience to remain positive at such a young age. There was something unnerving about his admiration of me and I felt the pressure to provide a suitable example for him.

“You look like you had a hard time. Hope it was worth it?” He enquired, his face falling slightly as he examined the colourful display of bruises on my skin and I nodded in response to his question. “Well, that’s good at least. I’m glad that you’re back. It’s been dull without you around.” He added with his usual chipper tone as he returned to fiddling with something on the desk and I smiled at his compliment.

“Thanks. It’s good to be back.” I muttered, glancing around the space and noticing that it seemed remarkably empty. From my limited time assisting here, I was sure that Knox was the most committed person on the team and it seemed that he was unfairly pressured with responsibility, especially for his age. “How are all my mechanical boys doing? Haven’t been able to find the troublesome pair at all.” I probed in as casual a manner as I could manage and I noticed that Knox seemed uncomfortable at even the mention of the other two. Nerves flooded through me, as I observed him growing clumsier in his movements and felt anxiety pooling in my stomach.

“I haven’t seen Jasper in awhile. I think he was due to work this morning, but that doesn’t really mean that he’ll turn up, you know?” He explained with an awkward shrug and I grimaced at this disappointing discovery. When I left, Jasper seemed to be improving somewhat, as he finally returned to working and in spite of his occasional drunken meltdown, it was my hope that he had continued to recover whilst I was away. I felt my face contort into a scowl as I absorbed this information and had to force myself to relax in order to ensure that I did not intimidate my young friend. “And Monty is due for a shift this afternoon, but I’d heard that there might be a patrol planned for today, so I don’t know if they’ll need him.” He added, impressing me with his awareness of camp activity that far surpassed even my own and I wondered why Bellamy hadn't mentioned the patrol to me earlier. Knox continued to seem uncomfortable and I pushed this thought aside to remain focused on him.

“Well, if you need anyone to cover for him later on, I’m free to irritate and mess things up.” I teased with a wink and although he attempted to smile in response, I noticed that it didn’t reach his eyes. I reflected on his comments about Monty and Jasper, and cleared my throat to address my concerns. “Still having problems reconnecting with the boys, huh?” I enquired with a sympathetic expression and he simply shrugged back at me avoidantly. A deep sigh escaped my lips and I settled into a seat beside him to investigate whether there was any action that I could contribute to help the situation.

“Monty’s been around sometimes, but he’s busy with Jasper a lot. And I can’t even speak to Jasper. He’s going through so much.” He muttered guilty and I nodded slowly in understanding. Knox fidgeted, before gradually bringing his gaze to me and I recognised from the intensity of his eyes that he was preparing himself for something serious. “I want to join the guard group. Do you...do you think you could speak to Bellamy for me?” He asked in a nervous voice and I felt myself straighten up involuntarily. My eyes grew wide and I struggled to form any words. Knox continued to wait patiently for an answer, his eyes full of hope and I squirmed with distress. It was imperative that I didn’t cause him to suspect that I doubted him, but I was instinctively against this plan from the moment that he suggested it and strained to form an excuse that could prevent him from commiting to this path.

“Knox, why would you want to do that?” I questioned in a tone that was surprisingly calm and he chewed on his lip in a manner that hinted he was conflicted on whether to be truthful. In the few moments of thoughtful silence that passed, an image of Knox in an oversized guard uniform, holding a gun that was entirely too large for his slender body, filled my mind and I had to physically shake my head to remove it.

“You’ve all done so much, survived through nightmare situations. I need to help too.” He grumbled and I was taken aback by this reasoning. It had never crossed my mind that he might feel inferior compared to those of us who were sent to Earth and with a surge of guilt, I realised that my description of the events that we had endured may have contributed to this crisis. My instincts sensed that this was a deeper issue than he had admitted as yet and I leaned down slightly to meet his eyes.

“You’re already helping. You carry most of the work in mechanical. You train new people and you’re the only person that can even understand Wick’s insane ideas, let alone assist in bringing them to life. Why do you think that you need to do more than that?” I investigated as I examined him closely in an effort to understand what had changed since I saw him last and he squirmed under my scrutiny. I wondered if someone had said something that had warped the stories I’d told him into this insecurity and the very idea set a fire in my chest.

“Because mechanics isn’t enough to keep me alive.” He admitted in a mousy voice and I felt my eyes widen in horror at his confession. “My parents died in the landing, so I have to look after myself now. I can’t fight, I don’t know how to use a gun, I’m weak. You said yourself that the ground is full of horrors. I can’t expect other people to protect me. I need to get stronger and then I can help Monty too. Him and Jasper are all I have left, I need to support them. Do you understand that?” He posed the question to me with more passion than I had ever seen from him and I was stunned as our similarities struck me. I had never noticed until now, but behind the timid attitude burned the same determined fire that motivated me. I sighed reluctantly as I tried to conceive a compromise to delay his request whilst I thought of another plan that was less dangerous.

“Alright. I can’t recommend you for guard duty yet. Even if I could convince Bellamy, Kane would never allow it.” I answered, watching as his shoulders dropped and his expression revealed his disappointment. “The best that I can offer is to ask Bel to give you some private training, to boost your confidence in yourself. How does that sound?” I suggested, as a knot formed in my chest and only released when a keen smile filled his face as he nodded in acceptance. In all honesty, I was still uncomfortable with even this idea but the sensible section of my brain agreed that some combat training would be beneficial in the unpredictable environment that we lived in.

“Thanks Indie. You’re the best.” He commented as I rolled my eyes at him in a dramatic manner and tried not to allow my inner turmoil to infect the atmosphere around us. He stood to collect some additional tools from another room, leaving me alone in the hauntingly empty corner of the building. Hurried footsteps caught my attention and I turned to see Monty over my shoulder. His eyes lit up as he noticed me and I jumped to my feet in perfect sync with his sweeping embrace as he reached me. The hug was longer than usual, but I didn’t rush him away, simply allowing him all of the comfort that he needed. When he finally did extract himself, his eyes roamed over my face with concern.

“Well, this is a version of you that I haven’t seen in a while.” He remarked with a slight smile in the corners of his lips and I shook my head. Though his voice was humorous, it was clear that my appearance bothered him and there was the slightest hint of protectiveness hidden behind his playful mask.

“Everyone has said that. It’s almost as if I spent **all** of my time at the old camp totally black and blue.” I drawled with an exasperated expression and was glad to be able to share light conversation, especially when it was obvious that he was stressed. His words made me realise how well adapted most of the 100 had become to our new home, no longer finding ourselves constantly injured or straining to tear apart scrapping members of camp. The presence of the adults had changed the dynamics of our group for the better, but I worried that we may have become overly comfortable with containing our loved ones in the safety of the camp.

“Indie, I have never known anyone to have black eyes as often as you. I’m starting to suspect that it’s a lifestyle choice.” He teased with a certain hollowness in the authenticity of his light tone and I punched him gently on the arm in offence in an effort to play along. “Have you been back long?” He asked as he relaxed into the conversation and seemed to have adapted to my battered state.

“Only a day or so. Bellamy has been keeping me busy.” I sighed casually, without overly considering my words and as soon as Monty’s face fell into a smirk, I knew that I had made an error. This time, the mischief that glinted in his eyes felt genuine and instead of feeling embarrassed by his mockery, there was a strange sense of sentimentality that hung in the air between us.

“Oh I bet he has.” He crooned, a sly wink only further exaggerating his implications and I rolled my eyes at him as I battled to contain a snort of laughter.

“You and your filthy mind! He had me occupied with assisting to teach his new guard recruits, so this is my first day off.” I recounted and although his brows shot up at my mention of training, he withheld the selection of undoubtedly suggestive comments that ran through his mind. Mostly, I was surprised to find that Raven hadn’t filled him in on the details of the session, having practically laughed most of the way through it and generally treated it as a form of fascinating entertainment rather than a serious opportunity to learn. 

“And you’re spending it in mechanical?” He quizzed with a brow crooked in an equal mixture of suspicion and judgement, and I shook my head at him with a low chuckle under my breath.

“No, obviously not. I’m home for a break, thank you. I’m catching up with Knox and I was looking for you and Jasper actually. I tried your dorms earlier but I must’ve missed you.” I explained and noticed that his smile dropped at the mention of Jasper, just as Knox has earlier. At his similar reaction, my anxiety grew and I found myself terrified that they were jointly hiding some catastrophic event from me. “Knox mentioned that he wasn’t doing so well lately. Has he been giving you trouble again?” I sighed with a heavy feeling in my chest and as he met my eyes, I noticed an exhaustion that seemed overpowering, even from the outside.

“You could say that. I was called to a guard briefing this morning, so I couldn’t make sure that he came to his shift. He was still in bed with a serious hangover when I got back. I just don’t know what else to do with him, Indie.” He described in an overworked grumble and I studied him sympathetically. I couldn’t deny that I felt immensely guilty for leaving him to deal with this alone and knew that I had to take some of the burden from him, whilst I was here to do so.

“Where is he now?” I enquired as I planned to remind him of my previous demands that he behave more reasonably with Monty, but his nonchalant shrug halted these plans in motion.

“I have no idea. He stormed out when I woke him up. I spent a while looking for him in camp, but I didn’t want to be late to my shift, especially after he skipped his. He disappears so often, I figured this time I’d let him turn up in his own time.” He expressed bitterly and I furrowed my brows with concern.

I opened my mouth to suggest that I take responsibility for finding our troublesome friend this time, when a set of uneven, heavy steps carried from the entrance. Jasper barrelled through in a determined stomp, barging Monty with his shoulder as he passed, only to pause a few steps later to fix me with an unimpressed scowl. I stared back at him blankly and he turned his lazy attention to Monty.

“Careful Monty, don’t get too comfortable with this one. She’ll abandon you again in no time.” He drawled in a nasty jab, before returning his gaze to me and thinning his eyes accusingly. “You just can’t run away from here fast enough, can you? Just like Clarke.” He spat in a deep, spiteful tone and I felt myself freeze in shock at the unexpected malice that he addressed me with. My mind failed to form any words in response to his unprompted attack and as he began stumbling around the room, Monty stepped close to me protectively.

“You take that back. She’s nothing like Clarke and you know it.” Monty ordered with a firmness that was unusual on him and Jasper simply rolled his eyes at him in displeasure. The demeanour that he displayed as he glanced between us was if he were the most dull interaction he’d ever had the displeasure of becoming involved in and he grimaced at the idea of continuing to speak with us.

“Right. You just keep telling yourself that. I mean, it’s not like she encouraged us all to depend on her, then ran off to live in the woods, right? Or chose the grounders over her own people. She’s practically a saint. It must be a huge relief that she’s here for Bellamy. After all, he really needs someone to replace his previous princess.” He hissed as he rummaged through cupboards aggressively and I felt a lump rising in my throat. Though I strained to contain my hurt, it tore through my chest like a grenade and despite my best efforts to swallow it down, my body trembled all over.

“That’s enough! Indie has done nothing but protect and support you. If you want to be a bitter asshole, you can do it alone. She doesn’t deserve your shit.” Monty yelled as the last of his patience fizzled away before my eyes and I flinched at his sudden outburst. When I glanced back at Jasper, he barely seemed to have reacted at all and I was stunned by his indifference to us.

“I think you’ll find that she told me if I wanted to attack someone, that I should attack her because she could handle it. So, cheers.” He held up a flask that he had discovered in his search and took a long sip. He wobbled on the spot as he struggled to remain balanced and fastened the lid, before waving the flask at us in an arrogant gesture. “Only came for this anyway. She’ll be gone so soon that when I wake up from this, I probably won’t even remember she visited. Mark my words. Don’t be a sucker, Monty.” He emphasised as he began his unsteady exit and without warning, Monty caught his jacket to hold him in place near the doors with a furious grip.

“Hey, we’ve got patrol later and you’re scheduled for it. Don’t you think you’ve drank your way through enough commitments today already?” He accused, shaking him by his collar with one hand and snatching for the flask with the other. Somehow, despite his intoxication, Jasper was still faster than his sober counterpart and rapidly pulled himself from the hold with it still tightly clamped in his hand.

“Sure. It’ll be a party. See you there.” He slurred, before making a speedy departure that more closely resembled falling down the ramp than walking. The moment that we were alone, Monty turned to face me with a remorseful expression.

“Indie, I’m so sorry. I wanted to keep him away from you-” He began, but I sharply cut him off as I held my hands up with a forced smile.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. You’re not responsible for his behaviour. I’m alright, really. You’d better get to your shift and I’ll catch up with you later.” I blurted as I drained the last of my energy to retain my composure and rushed outside before it cracked into pieces. My feet crunched loudly on the ground as I marched forward, biting my lip to contain the wave of emotions that were barely under my control until I found a part of camp that I could be alone and immediately crumpled to the ground.

My knees came up to my chest and hot tears burned my eyes as they tracked their path down my cheeks. Ragged breaths rocked me from the distress as all of my feelings poured out and despite all of my training, I was no longer able to maintain my even exterior. Jasper’s words rang around in my mind, causing a crushing guilt to ache in my heart, alongside a vile anger at Kane’s attitude in referencing my past. The conflicting emotions waged war in my mind and my body trembled from the strain. In this moment, I felt an immense clarity in acknowledging that I needed to return to Arlo and my resolution to become unbreakable became concrete in my soul. As the last of my tears were slowly spent, I dried my face and dragged myself back to my feet. It was exhausting even attempting to raise the strong facade again, but the promise of time with Bellamy to recharge me later on helped to keep me together.

Once in the courtyard, I caught sight of his scruffy locks towering over everyone else and seized the opportunity to grab him whilst I could. He stood with his back to me, staring at a map intensely and I tapped him on the shoulder with my best attempt at a smile.

“Hey, you. Monty mentioned patrol today. Are you heading out with them?” I enquired in what I hoped was a successfully casual tone and he glanced down at me with a relieved smile. He nodded in response and I felt my expression crumble slightly into a sulky pout. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I probed as I subconsciously crossed my arms accusingly and he cocked a brow at me in interest.

“I was so distracted with you that it slipped my mind.” He crooned with a wink and I sighed in annoyance. It was difficult to not feel hurt by his failure to inform me of his plans to leave camp, whether intentional or not and I had to remind myself that he didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of my storm of emotions from the day. He placed down the map to face me fully and his hands landed on my hips to close the space between us. “It’s only a short one. We’ve got these down to a routine now, Love. I’ll still be back early enough to catch up.” He excused as he attempted to placate me and I sighed with exhaustion. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t miss your time in camp.” He clarified with a doting expression and my shoulders gradually dropped their tension as I melted under his charm. I released my arms from their defensive posture and instead began to knit my hands together worriedly.

“Well, just as a heads up, Jasper isn’t exactly in the most healthy state and he’s made it pretty clear that he’s not interested in any assistance from me. If you’re still planning on taking him with you, you might want to factor in some time to make sure he’s fit for duty.” I explained as evenly as possible, careful not to allow any bitterness to slip into my words and I noticed that his brows furrowed together in annoyance. He fidgeted on the spot with frustrated energy and I wondered how often this had happened whilst I was gone.

“We’re leaving soon, so that doesn’t give me much time.” He growled in irritation and this only further increased my suspicion that this had become somewhat of a routine recently. “Hang on, did you say that he doesn’t want you? Did something happen?” His voice grew intense as his focus settled on me and I nodded back slowly, unwilling to lie. As my reaction registered with him, anger flashed in his eyes before he could cover it. He sighed deeply as he assessed me and rubbed at his forehead in a gesture of stress. “Alright, we’ll unpack that later. Until then, don’t let him get to you. See you when we get back.” He commented, clearly making a significant effort to soften his voice as he addressed me and leant forward to place a gentle, reassuring kiss on my forehead before he strode away.

For a while, I felt lost as I plodded around camp aimlessly, lost in thought. I found myself at a quiet vantage point at the edge of our territory, overlooking the surrounding forest and settled into a comfortable position in the grass. The breeze lapped through the branches before reaching me to tousle my hair, which still felt strange loose and a part of me longed to return to life in the wild. Since my training, the camp felt crowded and complicated with drama. It was still pleasant to return to the people that I loved and the comfort of soft beds, but the contrast was overwhelming and I had to admit that I had adapted to the quiet of the woods. 

A branch crunched underfoot to my side, but I remained still as I easily identified the movements. Lincoln silently settled by my side to watch the bright sky’s colourful performance as the sun began to set and there was a feeling of serenity that was tangible between us. I was unsure of how much time passed in a wordless contentment, before Lincoln finally addressed me.

“You look different.” He commented in his generally calm manner and I simply hummed inquisitively in response. “It’s your eyes. They have a new perspective.” He confirmed and I smiled, feeling pleased with the earnest praise. “You’ll do well with Arlo. Indra chose well for you.” He added reflectively and I slowly turned my gaze to examine him. Just as I had done moments before, he was staring into the trees with a longing in his eyes and I wondered if the forest called to all grounders as it did to me.

“You know Arlo too?” I enquired with curiosity seeping into my features and I was excited by the opportunity to learn more of my mysterious teacher. Lincoln viewed me with an inscrutable expression, guarded against my analysis and I waited patiently for him to decide whether I was ready for the truth. Birdsong filled the air and leaves blew past us, and after a while, I began to thread lazy plaits into my long locks. Without even addressing any of the events of the day, Lincoln had been able to encourage me to return from the brink by simply remaining by my side. He shared his natural peace with me and resolved not to pressure him, confident in the instinct that he would not divulge any details unless he felt it appropriate.

“Yes.” He muttered, pulling me from my thoughts and I dropped the braids to tilt my head at him in interest. It was subtle, but I recognised the slightest hint of pride in his eyes and I suspected that my respectful behaviour had convinced him of my growth. “As you know, I often separated myself from my clan and preferred a solitary existence. Outsiders tend to cross paths.” He offered only a confirmation of what was already obvious and I nodded keenly as I practically pleaded for more with my eyes. He allowed a few moments of tense silence to pass, another silent test of my self control, before he granted my request. “She is wise beyond her years and loyal to the bone. She has learned from her past and grown stronger for it. Now, she serves the Commander as penance for her sins. You are well matched.” He revealed and I felt my eyes widen at his words.

“What sins?” I interrogated with blatant fascination pouring off me in waves and Lincoln’s face grew firmer in response to my enthusiasm. In my gut, I knew that I had made an error in questioning him and chewed on my lip nervously as I awaited the outcome of my nosiness.

“Her past is not my lesson to teach you. When you are worthy of the truth, it will be given. Not before.” He stated in a serious tone and feeling scolded, I shuffled my position before returning my attention to the trees. Lincoln was not the type to lecture, but rather to inspire you to reflect on yourself and I quickly understand that prying on something so personal was disrespectful to them. It was a well considered method of teaching, as the way that I felt about this mistake would be far longer lasting than simply telling me not to behave in such a way.

We sat in reflective silence for a while longer, whilst he allowed me the chance to analyse the conversation for myself and I knew that he could sense my distress. After some time of allowing my emotions to simmer, I finally felt in control enough to extend my attention to Lincoln and became aware that something felt different to usual in him. I examined him with concern, but did not question him, instead allowing him to decide whether to confide in me.

“Your people waver on the brink of crisis. They are oblivious to the risks of disrespecting the Commander and our people. Their greed and ambition blinds them.” He divulged an insightful assessment of our society and I scoffed quietly in disbelief.

“It’s honestly intimidating how quickly you’ve got the measure of them. On the Ark, they would preach about thinking as a people, making decisions that would be beneficial for all and being sensible with resources, whilst simultaneously crushing the disadvantaged and any who stood against them. Respect is a new concept for them to learn.” I answered with contempt heavy in my tone and when he met my eyes, I found that he reflected an understanding that was consistent and reliable.

“They claim to desire an alliance. I have witnessed their efforts to adapt to our ways, but they lack an understanding of our history. The mountain is a place of great suffering and death, and the elders of our people consider it cursed. If we continue to venture there for supplies, there will be consequences.” He advised and I absorbed his words with a feeling of gravity. Kane’s offer repeated in my mind despite my insistence to push them away and as they combined with Lincoln’s fears, I felt pressured to assist in the solution. “Chaos can take root from damaged people and those here have endured countless hardships. We must be cautious in our choices and each follow our own path. They must each heal themselves.” He added with a tangible sense of wisdom and I knew that he had sensed my upset. 

“I can’t fix them, that’s what you’re saying?” I answered stubbornly with my jaw clenched and I felt him studying me from my side. “I know that, but I can try to help. For my own peace of mind, if nothing else.” I stated defensively and turned my attention away from him in an effort to avoid his judgement.

“You still have much to learn, Indigo. Do not set yourself alight to keep others warm.” He remarked insightfully and I reflected over his statement as we silently watched the sunset together.

  
  



	55. Wᴏʀᴋᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ Hᴀᴢᴀʀᴅ

My leg bounced frustratedly as I waited with anxiety rooting in my chest and my grip on the walkie-talkie became unnecessarily firm. I was reluctant to use it, as I knew that doing so in the current circumstance would risk Bellamy being discovered as the thief that stole it, but as the minutes ticked by with no indication of the patrol returning, I was becoming increasingly desperate. The multiple stress inducing events of the day had already stirred my emotions, despite my best efforts at utilising my newly learned techniques to remain in control, and the far longer than expected absence of my anchor had me verging on the edge of a frenzy. Hours had passed since darkness fell and although I’d become more settled with Bellamy’s guard role, I was too emotionally exhausted to withstand the terror that I felt tonight.

Pacing wildly in an effort to burn off some of my fearful energy, the door finally opened and Bellamy wandered inside. His manner was so relaxed that it was evident it hadn’t even crossed his mind that I might be worried. I whipped around to face him with a mixture of relief and aggravation, and he remained oblivious to my turmoil as he busied himself with placing down his things.

“Hey Love. I got held up with Kane, had some things to report.” He called over casually as he slid off his jacket and boots, and I scoffed loudly in disapproval. The sound seemed to suddenly draw his attention and he stopped in his tracks to view me with confusion. “What’s wrong, Inds?” He enquired, his brows furrowing together as he neared to examine me and I crossed my arms defensively.

“Of course you were with Kane.” I hissed with a blatant bitterness in my voice and he thinned his eyes at me suspiciously. “Are you  **sure** you can trust him?” I blurted as I levelled him with a severe expression and his brows shot up in surprise at my question. He shuffled on the spot and seemed to consider his answer carefully. Though I understood that I had missed many events that would have allowed Kane to demonstrate his trustworthiness to Bellamy, I couldn’t deny the uncertainty that I still felt and hoped that his reasoning might assist to dispel my doubts. It was obvious from the pinch in his brow that I had caught him off guard as he assessed me and his hand stroked at his jaw thoughtfully.

“Where is this coming from?” He probed, with his features contorting into a look of deep concern and I recognised from the tone of his voice from numerous leadership discussions at the dropship camp. There was something nostalgic about the atmosphere as we stared at each other, the topic reminding me of the many times that we’d argued over decisions in the past and I cleared my throat to prepare myself for a debate.

“He’s an elected official. He was important on the Ark and now he’s down here trying to get on the good side of all of the members of the 100 that he considers useful. He’s involved in everything and I can’t decide what his intentions are.” I rambled with an honesty that I would not be able to indulge in with anyone else and Bellamy watched me calmly as I allowed my feelings to flow out in a chaotic mess. It was difficult to separate my opinions of Kane as a leader from my distaste for his comment about my history and I allowed myself some slack for allowing the two to become entangled in my mind. Once I’d finished, Bellamy paused to assess me with an expression that I’d witnessed hundreds of times before and despite my opposing attitude, he remained remarkably calm.

“Yes I trust him, because of his actions. He’s an experienced leader, but still takes advice from those of us who have been here longer. He’s involved in everything so that he can support people. An involved leader is a good thing.” He explained and I shifted awkwardly as I struggled to decide how I felt about his assertions. I knew that they had a history from my time in Mount Weather, but I couldn’t help feeling that Bellamy’s view of him could have been easily distorted during a time when he was keenly vulnerable. I chewed my lip as I found myself going in circles in my mind and Bellamy leant into my view to catch my eyes. “Did something happen?” He interrogated with a curious glint in his eyes and I sighed deeply in consideration. There was an overpowering feeling of unease at the thought of revealing Kane’s offer, as I suspected that Bellamy would consider it to be a positive opportunity whilst my anger had dominated my decision. He held his hands out insistently and I gulped.

“Kane wants me to join the council meetings, like some kind of grounder ambassador. He explained that him and Abby want to form some kind of alliance with the Commander and he’s somehow got it into his head that I would be able to help with that.” I divulged as I fiddled with my hands to avoid his gaze and felt him stiffen in response. There were a few moments of tense silence, as he processed the information and I could feel myself growing angry as I recalled the conversation again. It wasn’t simply the fact that my arrest was mentioned that caused my outrage, but rather that someone involved in my sentencing had the audacity to advise me on it, as if it were an unfortunate circumstance that I could overcome rather than a life destroying tragedy that never would have happened without the councils corruption and failure to protect its citizens. 

“Why do you think you couldn’t?” Bellamy’s voice was remarkably even and filled with a faith in me that was ill-paced as usual. I scoffed as the first hint of my deeply buried rage seeped through my barely remaining control and his slight suggestion that it was something I should consider made my blood boil. 

“Are you kidding?!” I snapped, viewing him with utter disbelief and he simply shrugged in response as if his answer were painfully obvious. “I’m not a grounder. I have no experience with their culture, I’ve never even met the Commander and I have absolutely no authority to speak on political alliances. In case you haven’t noticed in all of the fights that I’ve been in since we crashed to Earth, I’m not exactly the peace-making type.” I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in exasperation as I spoke and I noticed a slight smirk hidden in the corners of his lips. “Do you know what he said to me? He remembered my case and told me that I could make more of my life here. He said it like it was some kind of fucking privilege, something I should be grateful for! Like I would be proud to work alongside the council that destroyed my life and crushed everyone under it’s self serving desire to ensure that only the worthy survived.” My voice began to raise as I recounted the conversation and Bellamy noticeably grimaced at my description. “I don’t want to be like them. They made absolutely everyone’s life a struggle. How could I help them to gain the trust of another group of people, when death follows us wherever we go?” I muttered as I finally navigated to the root of my issue with the offer and I watched as understanding dawned on Bellamy’s face. He stepped closer to take my shaking hands in his and I met his eyes with emotion raw in my face.

“Indie, it is not your sole responsibility to protect  **everyone** . I really do believe that Kane and Abby want to make things better than they were on the Ark. That’s why I’m working with the guards and investing in our people, to make sure that they are doing the right thing. Honestly, I understand why you’re angry at the idea, but I think that being in those meetings is a good way for you to get to know Kane and to ensure that they  **don’t** try to take advantage of the grounders, if that’s what you’re so afraid of. We can keep an eye on it together.” He suggested as he spoke in a warm, comforting voice and I sighed as I considered his words. I was immensely uncomfortable at even the idea of attending a meeting, but the reminder that Bellamy would be right there to back me up immediately reduced my anxiety around it.

“I don’t understand why you think so much of me. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing. I just make it up as I go. Honestly, I’m more surprised than anyone else that I’m still alive.” I mumbled as I squirmed in place with insecurity and a doting smile spread across his lips. He still viewed me with a sense of wonder in his eyes that hadn’t faded at all over time and despite the way that it made my chest fill with butterflies every time, I always felt unworthy of it.

“I don’t understand how you have so little confidence in yourself. I wish you could see yourself as I see you.” He breathed, gently pushing my hair away from my face so that he could cup my cheeks and his fingers traced warm patterns over my skin. “You are the right person for this.” He insisted with a certainty that was completely baffling and I rolled my eyes dramatically at his comments. “Just come to tomorrow’s meeting with me. Once you’ve seen one, then you can make an educated decision.” He offered in a frustratingly reasonable suggestion, leaving me no opportunity to argue and I groaned under my breath. “Do it for me?” He pleaded with puppy eyes that he knew without a doubt I could not resist and I huffed as I glared up at him.

“I’ll do it if you do something for me.” I answered firmly as I remembered an earlier promise and decided to seize the chance to bargain whilst I had something he wanted. He crooked a brow at me suggestively, causing me to realise that we had entirely different concepts of what he wanted in return for this favour and I fixed him with a disapproving look. “Knox says that he wants to join the guard. I don’t think he’s ready and honestly, I don’t think I could cope with the stress of having a single additional person that I care for jollying out on patrol, but he’s concerned that he is unable to protect himself. I think he feels a little useless compared to us. It would be really helpful if you could at least train him to use a gun, give him a sense of security?” I detailed and he grimaced with an overdramatic attitude as he realised that I had no intention of providing him with an easy task in exchange.

“Does it have to be me? There’s plenty of people in camp who can shoot.” He pouted in a manner that reminded me of a sulky teenager and I struggled to contain a laugh so that I could maintain an unimpressed stare in response. Though he seemed to be past his completely unfounded jealousy of Knox, I still hadn’t been able to encourage him to develop any form of bond with him and I hoped that I might be able to achieve that aim whilst fulfilling my promise. “He’s just a kid.” He added hastily in an effort to defend his disinterest and I crossed my arms at him in disapproval.

“Exactly. You were so patient and thorough with me, I’d be more comfortable knowing that it was you teaching him.” I elaborated with honesty, remembering the confidence that he fostered in me and he sighed as he struggled to continue denying my request. “Besides, he looks up to you Bel, a lot. You could speak some sense into him, I’m sure of it. He told me that he doesn’t know how to speak to Jasper and Monty anymore, like all of us who were sent down together are too different and hardened. He doesn’t have anyone else. You always remind me that I inspire people, well so do you.” My eyes were pleading as I stared up at him and his face grew guilt stricken in response to my emotional appeal. He sighed reluctantly and rubbed at the back of his neck.

“Only because it’s for you.” He finally remarked and I smiled gratefully in return.

***

Although I tried my hardest to concentrate, the barrage of information coming from Kane about every aspect of running Arcadia was overwhelming and I sat at the table with my mind wondering. He was remarkably more reasonable than I had first expected, but I remained cautious about trusting him. Beyond everything else, his interest in Bellamy made me defensive, despite knowing how worthy he was of the responsibilities assigned to him.

Once I had endured one meeting without any alarm bells, I decided to continue attending them for the time being, as Bellamy’s comment about monitoring their intentions repeated in my mind. If I played the part that had been requested of me, I could ensure that I would at least be able to warn Arlo of any attempts to control or manipulate. As the attendees began to filter out of the room, Kane asked me to remain behind and Bellamy paused to examine me with concern until I nodded to assure him that I was fine. The door closed, leaving us alone together at the large table and I squirmed awkwardly in my seat as he examined me.

“So, have you thought any more about our offer?” He investigated with a tempered interest and I cleared my throat. Though I had made a decision, I was yet to feel comfortable in discussing it with him and felt conflicted between expressing my doubts for him to answer, or holding them to myself as I worried that revealing them might cause me to play right into his hands. I fidgeted in my seat, displaying my unease and he smiled encouragingly at me.

“For now, I’ll come to the meetings.” I confirmed hesitantly and his face immediately lit up with excitement. “But as I said before, I’m not sure what I can contribute.” I responded in my best attempt at a controlled manner and he nodded in understanding. There was a palpable tension in the air between us, as he continued to study me and I considered walking out several times in the heavy silence.

“I know that we haven’t really had the chance to get to know each other much, but I’ve heard some interesting things about you. I completely understand why you would be cautious around me. I was a member of the council on the Ark, afterall.” He stated with an unexpected amount of insight and I was surprised by his ability to comprehend the causes of my suspicion. “But I want you to know that it is my intention to have a better quality of life for everyone here and it’s my hope that you will give me the opportunity to earn your trust. I believe we could achieve great things together.” He stated diplomatically with a warm smile and I thinned my eyes at him suspiciously.

“Tell me something.” I blurted and he leaned back in his seat with his hands stretched out in a silent gesture of openness. “You said that you remembered my case and that it was hard for you. When I reached review, would I have been floated or up for rehabilitation?” I probed with a curiosity that was obvious in my face and Kane sighed thoughtfully. He fidgeted with his hands in an unconscious display of discomfort and I maintained an intense stare as the seconds ticked by. There was no doubt that this was a question that he would not have chosen to answer at any other time, but as he was in the midst of proving himself to me, we both knew that he couldn’t avoid it. Finally, he met my eyes with a striking vulnerability and my breath hitched in my throat in surprise.

“Considering the finer details of your case and the loss of your mother, it would have been a complicated decision. If I were making the evaluation today, I would advise the council to give you the opportunity that was stolen from you in childhood, to reach your full potential. I would like to believe that I would have advocated for the same choice on the Ark, but like all of the rest of you, I am a different person to who I was then. I truly don’t know what the verdict would have been.” He revealed in an even voice and I fought to keep my expression plain for a few minutes after, just to ensure that he didn’t show any signs of avoidance. Eventually, I sighed and uncrossed my arms to soften my attitude.

“Well, at least you’re honest. I’ll give you that.” I commented in a low voice and he smiled back at me with satisfaction. Realistically, I hadn’t expected such a raw answer and it had caught me off guard. “If your aim is to make things better than on the Ark, then that’s something I’d like to see. Hopefully you prove it.” I added cautiously and was pleased to find that he didn’t seem to be offended by my returned direct attitude. Instead, he was appreciative of it and I was glad that he didn’t expect me to return to the excessively respectful leadership style of the Ark.

“I have something else to ask your opinion on, if you’ll indulge me?” He enquired as I had started to rise to my feet and I paused to glance back at him quizzically. “I’m aware that you and Bellamy are involved, but I’ve been advised that you can always be relied upon for an honest opinion. I’ve asked around some of your other peers about their time at your dropship camp and their feedback on how Bellamy performs as a leader. As I’m sure you’re aware, he’s been a great help with forming the guard, and many of the other members look up to him. What are your opinions on his leadership potential?” He probed with his candid attitude creeping up on me and I chewed on my lip as I contemplated whether or not to answer. His interest caused a sense of trepidation in my mind again and I scrutinised him closely now in a effort to reveal any cracks in his facade.

“He’s far from perfect. He can be reckless and hot-tempered, and at times too stubborn for his own good.” I listed and I noticed that Kane’s brows shot up in surprise at my negative opening. “But he is also brave to a fault and unconditionally selfless. He would willingly lay down his life to save a complete stranger without a second thought. Against all odds, he was able to inspire our camp to do things that they would never have considered without his courage and confidence. I believe in my heart that with the right mentoring, he could be an enormous asset to Arkadia.” I elaborated and Kane seemed to be entirely pleased with my assertions. He opened his mouth to speak again, but I cut him off as I thinned my eyes and dropped my voice to a low tone. “Having said all of that, you should be aware that I am monitoring your relationship with him closely. If you ever try to take advantage of him, manipulate him or purposefully endanger him, Vice Chancellor or not...I’ll kill you.” I clarified with a tone that was cold and deadly serious, and Kane’s brows knitted tightly together as he stared back at me in disbelief.

“Indigo, do you really think it wise to threaten council members?” He asked as his shock dissolved to amusement, despite his best efforts to maintain a serious expression. I’d never known a man of such stature to react to my disrespect in such a way and I was stunned that he didn’t immediately threaten to court marshal me. Two options presented themselves to me, either he believed that he could earn both mine and Bellamy’s loyalty and thus was not intimidated by my warning, or secondly that he didn’t consider me to be a credible threat. I couldn’t decide which was more of an issue. 

“It’s just you and I here, Kane. Your word against mine. And as long as you have no intentions of harming Bellamy, you’ve got nothing to fear from me.” I retorted, my determination to prove that underestimating me was a crucial mistake evident in my body language as I spoke and fidgeted in preparation to leave. “Is there anything else you needed me for, Counsellor?” I offered in a sickly sweet voice and forced a smile to complete my false enthusiasm. Kane shook his head with confusion and I wordlessly swept from the room.

Bellamy was called away for duties again, so instead of spending my last day alone I sought out Monty and we chatted idly whilst I assisted him as minimally as possible with some repairs. My basic mechanical experience gave me the knowledge to put to assemble pieces whilst he worked, taking a repetitive step out of his process. After a while, we fell into silence and I knew immediately that something was eating away at him. I considered probing him for information, but chose to take a more light hearted route by distracting him from his worries, deciding that if he wanted to confide in me, he would.

“So, have you and Harper got it on yet, or am I gonna have to start making villainous plans to push you together?” I jested with a devious smile and Monty’s head whipped around from his task to face me so rapidly that I feared he might actually snap his neck. I struggled to suppress a chuckle at his dramatic reaction and he prodded me with a wrench.

“Yeah right! It’s never gonna happen Indie, just let it go.” He commented with an amused smile that failed to conceal the hurt in his eyes and I sighed in disappointment. With all of the stress that he was already under, his ongoing perceived rejection from Harper seemed as if it were only adding insult to injury and I wished that he’d realise that it didn’t have to be this way any longer. Part of me wondered if he simply did not believe that he deserved happiness following the trauma he had endured and the thought caused a pang in my heart. 

“Why not? Jasper’s hardly any competitions any more.” I remarked bitterly, before my eyes widened and my hand shot to my mouth. Although it was a regular occurrence for my thoughts to wander freely out of my mouth without my permission, this statement shocked even me and I was struck with an immediate wave of remorse. “Shit, that was way more savage than intended. I know he’s going through a lot. Sorry.” I mumbled shamefully and I was surprised to witness Monty observing me with his usual understanding, seeming completely unfazed by my comment.

“Hey, you’re perfectly entitled to think he’s an ass. You wouldn’t be the only one.” He conceded and I breathed a sigh of relief. A few awkward moments of silence passed where I fiddled with my hands as I struggled to think of something to say and Monty cleared his throat loudly. “Indie, I really am sorry about the way that he behaved with you. It was totally uncalled for, especially considering that you’ve always been there for us both. How are you holding up with it?” He asked with a genuine concern and I shrugged back as I considered how to address the effect that this attack had on me without causing him any further guilt.

“I don’t know. It kinda sucks for everyone involved, I guess. But I’ll get over it.” Avoiding lying, I omitted any details and he nodded slowly as he processed my answer. He returned his attention to his task for a while and I chewed on my lip as I obsessed over a single detail of Jasper’s comments that haunted me. It was awkward to enquire about directly, so I decided to attempt to confront my insecurity without revealing that his verbal barrage had actually managed to emotionally scar me. “I’ll be heading out again tomorrow.” I divulged in a small voice and Monty hummed in acknowledgment whilst remaining focused on his work. 

“So soon?” He suggested, without even glancing back at me and I squirmed in discomfort as I realised that this was neither enough to confirm nor deny my suspicions. 

“Yeah. It’s been a really nice break to be home, but I made an agreement to come back and that time is up. Don’t wanna risk losing my place.” I elaborated in a casual tone and Monty simply nodded in a manner that made it difficult to identify whether he was simply distracted or attempting to mask his true reaction to this information. I sighed deeply as I realised that the only way to resolve this issue before I returned to Arlo, which I knew was necessary, was to allow myself to be vulnerable and steeled myself for a potentially negative answer with dread. “Monty, do you feel like I’ve abandoned you?” I investigated with a knot of anxiety forming in my stomach and he placed his tools down as he turned to face me fully. His brows were knitted together and he appeared confused by my sudden change in demeanour.

“No? Why would I-” He began, before he cut himself off and his eyes widened in understanding. “This is about what Jasper said, isn’t it?” He investigated before letting out a small, frustrated noise and I avoided his gaze in embarrassment. He reached out to take my hands in his and when I glanced up at him, he smiled at me with a warmth that melted any nerves away. “Indie, I’m not your responsibility. Neither is Jasper, Raven, Harper, Miller, Knox, or even Octavia or Bellamy. The only person you are responsible for is yourself and if going off on your own crazy adventures is going to help you to heal, then that’s exactly what you should be doing. Would I prefer that you were here, unbruised and surrounded by people who love you? Of course! But it’s not my decision to make. Only you know what is right for you and if you say that it’s this path, then I am totally behind you. You’re not abandoning anything by taking care of yourself. Jasper is just being a hurtful, self centered prick because he can deal with his pain, so he’s passing it on to everyone else around him. Pay him no mind.” He stated assertively and I felt my eyes filling with tears at the kindness of his words. “I’ve got your back, Trouble.” He added with a gentle punch to the arm and I smiled back gratefully. His words were more comforting than I could ever have expected from him and I was glad that I’d taken the risk of trusting him with my fears.

“And I’ve got yours, no matter what.” I responded truthfully, feeling my doubt dissolve away to nothing.

***

As a favour to Monty, I carried a tray full of spare parts out of mechanical to deliver, the metal pieces clunking loudly as I stepped and smiled up at the bright sky. The winter sun was refreshingly warm today and following our chat, I was feeling optimistic. Once I’d dropped the package at its intended location, I stepped back into the open air and contemplated how to spend the rest of my time at home. Before I could even decide on a location, I heard my name being called and turned to find Monroe approaching me nervously.

“Hey Indigo, have you got a sec?” She mumbled under her breath in an anxious manner and I nodded cheerfully. “I’m not interrupting you, am I?” She asked as she glanced around to ensure that no one else was waiting for me and I was made uncomfortable by her insecurity. Though we’d never spoken before, I couldn’t understand what would be causing her to be so intimidated by the concept of approaching me and I yearned to encourage her to relax.

“I’m totally free. What do you need?” I offered with a reassuring smile and she began to wring her hands together as she studied me. My stomach flipped with dread, as I recalled Roma’s equally strange demeanour when she came to me for help with Fox and I was terrified that I was about to receive a similarly horrifying request for assistance.

“Right, yeah. Well, I don’t know if you noticed but I was in your training session for the guards yesterday.” She stated in a small voice ad I nodded back in confirmation. I was already beginning to wonder where this conversation was going and Monroe’s antsy behaviour was only worsening my growing state of panic. In all honesty, I was unsure how I’d managed to deal with the situation so well the first time and knew that I would be unable to confront such a traumatic occurrence a second time around, especially in my current emotional state. She gulped before speaking again and I found myself fidgeting in anticipation. “I just-I wanted...I thought that what you taught us was really good and I wanted to say thank you.” She managed to force the words out between stutters and I felt my brows shoot up in surprise, combined with an overwhelming wave of relief.

“Oh. Well, you’re completely welcome and I’m glad that you found it useful.” I replied diplomatically as I smiled gratefully at her and couldn’t even fully comprehend how thankful I was that her interests were so simple. We remained standing opposite each other in awkward silence and I had the sense that the conversation was not over. Yet again, thoughts rushed through my mind with worst case scenarios and I waited patiently for her to feel comfortable enough to confide in me with whatever it was that was troubling her.

“I remember the classes that you taught before, when we were having problems with the guys.” She blurted suddenly and I stared back at her blankly. This was a highly unexpected tangent and I hummed gently to urge her to continue. “I’m really glad that you’re still with us. You make people in camp feel safe and that’s not just my opinion. I’ve spoken to plenty of others and I know that you inspire the girls especially to be brave, even when we don’t think that we are.” She confessed as she finally met my eyes and understanding dawned on my face. I’d never particularly built a relationship with Monroe back in our dropship camp, but I remembered her face from several significant events and knew that whatever distorted image she had created of herself, she was far from a coward.

“You know, I remember you being a pretty prominent member of Bellamy’s militia. You volunteered for that role right from the beginning, before we had guns or walls to protect us. You were willing to put yourself out there when all we had were home made weapons. You even came with us to find Octavia and you didn’t turn back, you stayed with us right until the end.” I detailed all of the courage acts that I’d witnessed her perform and her eyes widened as I recounted these events, as if she’d never possibly imagined that I would notice her. “No matter what you think of yourself, or who you think it is that inspires you, don’t ever credit your bravery to anyone else. You are already brave in yourself, don’t forget that.” I asserted and she visibly cringed as she shifted on the spot, a slight rosy blush spreading across her cheeks.

“Honestly, I did most of that to stick to Sterling. He was big into the whole hero thing but now he’s gone. It was seeing you never give up, no matter what got thrown at you that made me want to be like that too and kept me going, even when it got hard.” She admitted with a melancholy expression that filled her face and I smiled at her sympathetically.

“That must have been hard for you. It’s never easy to lose someone, especially someone who is your anchor in all this craziness.” I related to the pain that I could see in her eyes and she nodded in acknowledgement. Despite her belief in my resilience, I knew the full story and could identify that her separation from us when we were held captive had prevented her from witnessing me at my lowest. She was completely unaware of how badly I had broken and her praise felt as if it were meaningless when compared to this knowledge. “But you know what, you came back from that hurt and you volunteered for guard duty in Arkadia. That proved that you possess a courage and strength that no one else can give you. Own it, Monroe.” I insisted as I reached out to squeeze her shoulder and she finally broke into a bashful smile.

“I’ll try. Thanks.”


	56. Cʜᴀɪɴ Oғ Cᴏᴍᴍᴀɴᴅ

Bellamy and I spent a somewhat brief period of time together for lunch before he was summoned for duties, leaving us equally frustrated that our plans to spend my last day at home savouring every moment of each other's company had been interrupted. Sitting in the sunshine on the bench, I gazed around camp and allowed my mind to wander. It was calming to have the opportunity to relax, without feeling that I should be learning at every waking moment and I revelled in this luxury as I knew that it was soon to end.

My attention was caught by a set of raucous giggles nearby and I turned to find Raven and Gina laughing uncontrollably. Raven appeared genuinely happy and relaxed for a few moments in a way that I hadn’t seen for a long time and I noticed that Gina leaned in particularly close to her. Now that I considered it, they both clung closely to the other, with Gina’s gaze hovering slightly too long on Raven’s lips and I found myself re-assessing the way that Raven had spoken about her during our heart to heart.

Analysing my target, I waited for them to separate and for Raven to be out of sight before seizing the opportunity to gesture Gina to join me. She strolled over to take a seat on the other side of the bench without question and I quickly decided that I needed to know more about her. Though I had no objections to Raven’s newfound friendship, if this were developing into more, then I needed to confirm that she understood the expectation of how she would treat her.

“Thought I’d take you up on your offer to hang out, if you have some time free?” I suggested with an overly friendly smile and Gina nodded keenly in response, blissfully unaware of my intentions. “You and Raven seem to be getting on well?” I enquired, navigating straight to my area of interest whilst attempting to disguise my investigations as merely making a casual observation. She pushed her hair behind her ear and avoided my eyes as she considered her answer, only further accentuating my curiosity.

“Oh. Yeah, she’s great. I’m really glad that I met her. It’s comforting to have such a good friend with all this change around, you know?” She stated carefully and I crooked a brow at her suggestively. As a result of the abundance of questions around Bellamy and I in our dropship camp, there was no one more experienced in avoiding the admittance of feelings than me and her bashful response unintentionally fuelled my intuition.

“Yeah, she’s a firecracker, that’s for sure. I’ve always been able to rely on her though, no matter what was thrown at us.” I revealed fondly, honestly reflecting how the appreciation that I had for Raven’s unusual friendship and Gina nodded in agreement. “From what I’ve heard, it sounds like she thinks well of you too.” I remarked, trailing my words off in a teasing manner and was thrilled when her eyes snapped up to meet mine in surprise. From my own experiences, I knew immediately that I had her mind racing over possibilities and planned to utilise this nervousness to encourage a confession.

“That’s sweet of her.” She replied, making a poor attempt to cover her interest and desire to know exactly what was said. My stomach flipped with excitement at the hint of something between them and I was determined to gain a more definite confirmation of what I already had begun to piece together. I decided to change tact, attempting to replicate Raven’s gossiping skills that felt closer to an interrogation when on the receiving side.

“You seem to have grown close fast. I’m really pleased for you both that you’ve found such good  **friends** in each other.” I pried, leaning across the table to examine her with intensity and she squirmed in her seat as her cheeks filled with a rose blush. I couldn’t prevent the blatant fascination that was plastered over my face now and made a mental note to investigate the other half of this new pairing as soon as possible.

“So, you and Bellamy. Have you been together long?” She cleared her throat before posing the question that was well calculated to switch the power dynamic between us and I couldn’t help immediately feeling that her and Raven were well matched from this manoeuvre. It was clear that she’d spent a great deal of time with her to have already inherited her tactics and I was glad that I was well practiced enough at receiving grillings to be unflustered by this question. 

“Umm, that’s kinda tough to answer.” I explained, as I struggled to think how I could even relay it without divulging in painstaking details and Gina waited with interest. “When we were still in our own camp it was more of an unspoken thing. Plenty of people commented on it and I think almost everyone knew that we were both too invested in each other to be available for anyone else, even if we weren’t willing to admit it. Everything that happened with Mount Weather, it kind of forced us to acknowledge what was already there.” I elaborated, an indulgent tone coating my words as I reflected on the longing that I felt during those times and she smiled warmly at my description.

“Monty said that you guys were mostly at each other's throats at first.” She commented slyly, curiosity sparkling in her eyes and I chuckled lightly to myself as I nodded in confirmation. “You’d never know it now. You seem like you’re in perfect harmony.” She detailed in an innocent, dreamy manner and I snorted in disbelief at her words. I couldn’t believe this was the impression anyone would receive from us and was amused by how little others truly knew of our relationship.

“Oh, we still butt heads for sure!” I breathed in a light hearted manner and she giggled quietly. She opened her mouth to speak again, but before she could get the words out, Bellamy appeared behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Hey, Trouble. Managed to get the rest of the day off, so why don’t you and I go back to bed-” His voice was deep and raspy as he pressed his lips to my ear, until he paused and grew tense as he seemed to suddenly notice Gina smiling smugly at him. “Oh. Hey, Gina.” He remarked awkwardly, clearing his throat and fidgeting. Gina waved back, clearly not at all uncomfortable with the situation and Bellamy glanced between us impatiently. “Indie’s heading back out of camp tomorrow, so I’ll be taking her.” He confirmed in a manner that was clearly not a request and she shrugged in disinterest, allowing Bellamy to sweep me away without another word.

***

Back in the privacy of our quarters, we were tangled in a mess of limbs as our bare skin warmed each other. His arms around me provided a familiar haven that I cherished to my core and whilst safe in his embrace, I almost started to believe that all of the threats outside had ceased to exist. A sense of peace washed over me, calming the storm in my heart and I stared into his handsome face with contentment.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked, analysing my face with a playful curiosity filling his features. His fingers traced circular patterns on my skin with the most delicate touch and as I stared into his eyes, I felt that I could easily get lost there. My earlier conversation with Gina had made me realise that we hadn’t been together all that long, relative to how much I trusted him and yet I already felt as if there wasn’t anything that I couldn’t say to him.

  
“I was just thinking how nothing ever feels so much like home as being in your arms.” I breathed, secure in the knowledge that he would not be intimidated by my adoration and watched with satisfaction as a genuine smile spread across his lips. He reached out to brush my hair out of my face, before placing a tender kiss on the tip of my nose, causing my face to scrunch up.

“Home is where your heart is, right.” He confirmed in a soft voice and I nodded thoughtfully back. “You know, when you’re away all I dream about is you. Every time I close my eyes, you’re there with that troublesome smile of yours. It makes missing you so much worse.” He admitted, examining me as if he were committing every aspect of how I looked in this moment to memory to reflect on later and I felt my brows furrow as a wave of guilt washed over me.

I hated the concept of causing him any level of sadness or stress, and although I knew that I was making the best choice for myself, the awareness that I would soon be leaving him again continued to ache from the back of my mind. In the dim light of our room, his handsome features were almost flawless and I was thoroughly mesmerised by him. With a delicate movement, I brushed my fingertip along his cheek, mapping between the sporadic freckles that decorated his face. His eyes fluttered closed at the contact and for the first time, I realised how long and thick his eyelashes were. I could feel our heartbeats gradually falling into sync as we snuggled against each other and the strength of our connection remained as powerful as ever, despite our time apart.

In the quiet moments alone like this, I could easily identify the vulnerability in Bellamy’s face, beneath the controlled mask that we both wore around others. There was an obvious exhaustion buried in his features and I wondered if he was perhaps overworking himself in an effort to assist Kane. Though he’d never been much interested in self care back in our old camp, I had hoped that he might allow himself some time to recover now that he wasn’t one of the only two leaders responsible for 100 young lives. 

For the first time, I found myself wishing that Clarke were around to take some of the strain from his shoulders, but quickly reminded myself that although she had been helpful at times, she mostly caused unnecessary disagreements and decided it might be for the best that Bellamy was left to grow without her constantly vying for control of the camp.

Bellamy seemed to be dozing off, so I placed a tender kiss on his forehead and began to roll out of his space, careful not to disturb him. Before I could even begin to get comfortable in the cooler air of my side of the bed, he stirred aware and peered over at me suspiciously.

“Where are you going?” He questioned, seeming thoroughly offended by the minimal distance between us and I crooked a brow at him in amusement. Without awaiting an answer, he reached out to pull me back to him until my back met his chest and wrapped an arm around my waist. Seeming satisfied with this improved positioning, his breathing became deep and slow, and we fell into a relaxed sleep wrapped up together.

***

Conflicting emotions battled for dominance in my scattered mind as I prepared to leave the camp. There was a certain heaviness in my steps, a reluctance that was gut-wrenching that I strained to ignore, whilst in the same moment I felt a subconscious pull from the trees that urged me to return to the wild. Though leaving all of my family was challenging, removing myself from Bellamy’s bed had been my biggest obstacle. We kept our farewells light and controlled, avoiding any emotional statements or topics that could trigger an argument. Instead, I simply promised to return as soon as I could and agreed to stay in touch by radio, and we parted with little knowledge of when we would see each other again. 

I couldn’t deny the overwhelming feeling of unfinished business, with almost all of my loved ones descending into some form of chaos or another, but I reminded myself that my growth was important to all of them. My goal to protect them could only be achieved with Arlo and I forced myself to hold my head high as I rode through the gates, fighting every instinct in my body to glance back over my shoulder.

As I navigated the dirt tracks that led toward the ruins, I realised that I had not arranged a time to meet Arlo, but as dawn struggled it’s way over the horizon, I knew that leaving early was the best decision. It allowed me to avoid any scrutiny or painful partings from the others who were still sleeping at such an early hour and I reminded myself that it was unwise to keep Arlo waiting. Spending the day camped at the ruins awaiting her arrival was preferable to being greeted by her impatient expression. I’d planned to leave with enough time to change back into my grounder disguise that remained neatly packed into a bag on my back, after deciding that wearing such an attire in Arkadia would cause an unnecessary tension.

The ride was lengthy and I took the opportunity to reflect. The aftermath of Mount Weather only seemed to grow larger as time passed and I wondered if we would ever fully move past the experience. Jasper appeared to be broken to his core which, though completely understandable, I was unsure how to even begin to repair and Monty seemed equally lost, assigning himself as the emotional punching bag in a desperate attempt to shield everyone else from his adopted brother's venom. Raven buried her pain beneath dry humour and countless hours of work, simultaneously pushing away anyone who cared for her enough to glimpse through her illusion and clinging to Gina for the slightest shred of joy.

Harper had lost her playful sparkle and seemed to have settled to simply blend into the background as little more than a guard and a shoulder to cry on for Monty. Miller removed himself from the group altogether, focusing all of his attention on his boyfriend Bryan and their little peaceful bubble, a choice that I could relate to all too well. Knox was battling his own self doubt, eager to prove himself as a valuable member of the camp and allowing his fear to lead him to perilous choices. 

Octavia was floundering, equally disconnected from Trikru and those of Arkadia, labelling herself as someone who did not belong anywhere. Although both Lincoln and I strained to assist her to discover a new sense of purpose, she brushed us off. Even Lincoln seemed on edge, caught in a sense of limbo as he remained trapped in Arkadia by his kill order. The only person who was a constant of any sort was Bellamy, who insisted that he was happy by my side. He worked constantly, assisting in the guard, the council and wherever else would take him and I worried that he was remaining busy in an effort to hide something. 

And lastly, there was me. The anger that I’d battled seemed more manageable than it had before, but I knew that there was still a long road ahead for me. A wave of nausea flowed over me whenever I thought of Mount Weather and I continued to experience the occasional nightmare. Glimpsing at the full picture of our camp in this manner made me fearful that everything was slipping out of our control, each piece of the puzzle jagged and harmful. 

The ruins finally came into view and I reminded myself that I could not give up yet. I still had hope that I would find the strength needed to fix it all and asserted that if I continued to work hard, a solution would present itself. I tied my horse up and made my way inside to get changed. The space was eerie when empty and I tried not to recall my activities from when I was last here, instead focused on replaiting my hair. Despite several increasingly frantic attempts, it proved impossible to do this on myself and I flopped down onto a seat in frustration.

“For one who claimed to seek to become a warrior, you do not hesitate to abandon your new life to conform to your home.” Arlo’s sharp voice echoed around the large chamber and I jumped to my feet in shock. I whipped around to find her lurking in the shadows, leaning casually against a pillar and examining me in a thoroughly unimpressed manner. Glancing down at myself, half dressed and trembling in the cool air, I could understand her displeasure and sighed regretfully. I had hoped that she would not discover that I had changed, but now that she had witnessed it for herself, I knew that it would be best to explain my reasoning.

“It’s not like that.” I muttered as I continued to dress and she raised a single brow at me in suspicion. “When Octavia became Indra’s second, she went through a rapid change. There were many in our camp who were intimidated by it. They felt that you were attempting to convert us all. My change must appear more gradual to them.” I explained as I struggled to coordinate my limbs into the overly complicated top that I was given, demonstrating that I had not grown any more accustomed to this clothing since I was first given it. After a lengthy battle, I finally navigated it onto my body and she thinned her eyes at me in suspicion.

“You fear the judgement of your people?” She interrogated, her eyes filled with disgust at even the thought of this and I sighed thoughtfully as I shook my head at her.

“No. Never.” I confirmed firmly and I noticed the slightest softening in her face, as if pleased by my answer. “I fear causing another war. I’m told that the ceasefire was hard won. I don’t want my selfish actions to compromise that.” I elaborated in an even tone and I was unsure if it was my imagination or if there was a pride in her eyes at this sensible evaluation.

“That is a wise fear.” She conceded as she strolled into the light and appraised me with a gentler face. I finished lacing my corset and stepped into my boots, fastening them far quicker than any other item of clothing. Once back into my grounder attire, I straightened up to face her. “The Commander and the clans of the coalition would annihilate your soft people.” She threatened in a menacing manner and I was equally taken aback and amused by her words. I opened my mouth to speak and closed it several times before I could decide how to respond.

“I wouldn’t be so certain,  _ Seda _ . We have technology and weaponry that would give us a significant advantage, but you have far greater numbers and experience.” I analysed nervously, unsure whether my honesty might be misinterpreted as hostility and Arlo’s expression remained still and unreadable. “It would result in unnecessary loss of lives on both sides. I’d rather be careful in my choices. Unfortunately, that translates into a gradual change if I wish to protect those that I love.” I added in a cautious explanation and she scanned my face with an unexpected interest. It occurred to me that Arlo was unlikely to have come into contact with the guns that our people wielded and expected she’d only ever seen them if she’d been unfortunately enough to cross paths with the mountain men.

“It is foolish and worthless to protect those who lack the wisdom to protect themselves.” She stated coldly and I felt my brows knit together as I attempted to absorb her advice. “Your people must adapt and evolve as we did, or they will perish and become extinct. This is the only course for them.” She stated with a sense of finality and I nodded slowly in genuine agreement. She was visibly pleased to discover that I shared her viewpoint and settled into a seat with her legs wide open, gesturing to the ground between her knees expectantly. “Only  _ Splita  _ [outsiders] have loose hair. Sit.”

***

My boots crunched through the dirt in determination as I followed the well worn route, the heavy supplies on my back causing a deep sense of appreciation for my improved strength. The light breeze swept through the trees and cooled my face, fluttering the fabric that was draped over my head. A small home emerged from the dense natural surroundings and I was relieved to have reached my destination at last. I felt a sense of pride in myself that Arlo trusted me to complete these trades alone and I let myself inside with familiarity.

“ _ Monin lukot _ .” [Welcome friend] The warm voice of the trader immediately greeted me as I crossed the threshold and I approached the counter with a smile.

“ _ Hei Naila _ .” I breathed with a relaxed attitude and placed my items on the counter with ease. Niylah served me a drink and I perused her stock for any supplies that we might be lacking in camp, allowing her the chance to sort through the items that I’d provided. The atmosphere in her hut was relaxed now that we’d had the chance to get to know each other and I enjoyed the opportunity to fully immerse myself in grounder life whilst here. 

Arlo was adamant about wearing a hood when in well travelled areas like this, stressing that I must be cautious not to draw too much attention to myself. I was uncertain what she was afraid of, as I tended to be able to blend in quite well now and had not experienced any issues with my interactions. Niylah approached me to hand over my trades and an additional small pouch which I knew was not usually included. I glanced at her questioningly, but she simply smiled back in her usual serene manner.

“ _ For your seda _ .” She remarked fondly and I nodded back gratefully. I’d always had the impression that Niylah was more perceptive than most and I suspected that she was highly knowledgeable from her observation of a huge selection of people that passed through her tradepost. Once I’d thanked her for her generosity, I made my way outside and found a young boy approaching the hut.

“ _ Sochu Nica _ .” [What’s up Nica] I chimed with a fond smile and he seemed to brighten up when he noticed me.

“ _ Hei Indigo _ .” He smiled as he paused in place to greet me and I was pleased to have the opportunity to check on him. Although I was becoming absorbed in the grounder way of life, the only challenge yet to overcome was the independence of their children. Nica was approximately 12 or 13 from my impression and already an accomplished trader. Alro often led us to his village for items, recommending him as a skilled crafter. In my time with her, I’d come to realise that beneath her excuses, she was equally fond of the charismatic boy and strained to support him over his older competitors. I’d never noticed him accompanied by parents nor had he mentioned any kind of family in all of our conversations and I worried whether there was anyone who cared for him.

“You have been absent from the village. I have saved some special deals for you and Arlo.” He commented with a proud tone to his voice and I couldn’t help smiling in response to his confidence. Despite my concerns on the safety of their young, I could not deny that they encouraged a strength and resourcefulness that was far superior to that of our children. All of the young grounders that I’d met were fiercely independent and capable, and it offered a large reasoning for the resilience of the grounders as a whole.

“Is that so? Sounds like you’ve been busy.” I responded as I took the opportunity to pack away my newly acquired items and Nica’s chest puffed with pride. He was emboldened by my interest and there was an eagerness to his tone. I wondered if he was unfamiliar with others encouraging him and quickly had to remind myself that I could not dote on him as I would children at home.

“A quality trader must always strive to extend their skills.” He quoted in a well practiced manner and I nodded at him in agreement. “There has been tension in the village, so it’s a welcome relief to spend time hunting.” He added absentmindedly and I raised a brow at him inquiringly. I noticed that he shifted on the spot, gripping his bag tighter and his confidence faded away in an alarming manner. “There have been strange men around. Some of the elders are troubled, but that is not uncommon for them.” He elaborated in an uncertain tone, before quickly forcing a smile back into his face. “I hope you and Arlo will come to trade soon.  _ Leida _ .” [Bye] He breezed past in an effort to seem casual and I watched him enter the hut with a feeling of unease. 

***

The fire burned in the centre of the camp, indicating that Arlo had indeed returned from her own tasks and I busied myself with packing away the items that I’d traded for. Though Arlo insisted that we did this out of necessity, I’d lived off these supplies for long enough now to identify that we seemed to decide what to sell based on supporting the local community. She regularly changed the contents of what we would provide to Niylah and I could tell that she was maintaining an awareness of what was needed. It was one of many parts of her personality that she attempted to shield with her distanced facade, but I’d come to recognise that there was far more to her than she wanted others to see. Once lighter, I wandered closer to the warmth of the fire to find her sitting beside it and placed myself down next to her.

“Niylah asked me to bring this to you.” I relayed as I passed her the small pouch and she took it from me with a fond smile that was irregular on her. Ignoring my curiosity, she declined to open it and instead stowed it away in her pocket, returning her attention to the flames. We sat in comfortable silence for a while and I reflected on my earlier conversation with Nica, a nervous pit forming in my stomach. Hoping that Arlo would agree with my feeling of unease, I decided to present this information for her opinion. 

“I saw Nica outside of the trade post.” I commented idly and she hummed back as if disinterested. “He mentioned that there’s been some strange men around the village.” I added carefully and held my breath as I awaited her reaction hopefully. She barely even moved, seeming completely unconcerned by my revelation and I allowed silence to fill the space between us to indicate that I expected an answer.

“Strangers are to be expected in a trading village. Such is the nature of Nica’s vocation.” She stated matter of factly and I sighed in a subtle frustration. I couldn’t help feeling unnerved by the conversation and though I understood that he would not be considered as requiring protection to them, I felt the need to investigate pulling at me from the back of my mind.

“The elders of the village are unsettled by them, too. That’s an unusual response to new custom, especially in a village that relies on trade, right?” I enquired, attempting to keep my voice even and clear of emotion. She finally turned to view me over her shoulder and her eyes thinned as she studied me with deep suspicion.

“If I were not available to advise, what action would you take?” She investigated, presenting the situation for me as a test and I gulped nervously. It was difficult to align my grounder lessons and natural protective instincts into a single coherent opinion and I felt conflicted between two clashing versions of myself. I chewed on my lip nervously as I considered how to approach the situation and eventually settled on simply being true to myself.

“I would visit the village, confirm that the atmosphere felt non-threatening. For my own peace of mind, if nothing else.” I confessed, shifting awkwardly in my seat as I felt her examining me with disappointment. Even before I’d said it, I knew this was not the answer that she desired from me, but I still felt compelled to be honest in the hope that I might be able to convince her to allow me to go, even if only to prove me wrong. Despite my optimism, it was immediately clear in her expression that this was not a likely outcome.

“Being a warrior means knowing which battles to fight and which are not truly battles at all. It is ineffective to rush to the aid of every trifle that concerns village elders.” She scolded, shaking her head at me as she spoke and I couldn’t help feeling frustrated by her condescending attitude. Though I’d grown much better at letting go in our time together, I knew that I still struggled to allow things to play out without my intervention, or the need to protect others overwhelming me. It was difficult to remind myself that in her mind, my fear for a child was unjustified instead of simply feeling insulted by her.

My circular thoughts over Nica’s village continued all through our meal and despite Arlo’s cold silence indicating that she did not wish to discuss the matter further, I remained determined to find a way to convince her to follow this lead. The more that I considered the issue, the harder it became to recognise whether I was simply being overprotective and stubborn, or if I had a genuine instinct that there was a threat. Eventually, I could withstand the stress no longer and I took the risk of voicing my doubts.

“We could just stop by for some supplies. Nica mentioned that he has reserved some stock for us.” I commented idly and Arlo rolled her eyes at me in frustration. She was evidently disappointed that I had continued to obsess over something that she had already assessed to be little more than gossiping amongst locals and I struggled under the power of her scrutiny.

“Let it lie, child.” She ordered, fixing me with a firm stare and I crossed my arms tightly in annoyance, releasing a huff. Whenever issues like this were raised, I always felt like a child who was scolded by a parent and didn’t appreciate being treated as such after everything I had already survived. 

“You told me that the Commander ordered you to continue monitoring for any irregularities.” I argued, my voice sounding petty rather than as if I were raising a valid point and her expression grew dark as she addressed me with increasing impatience.

“You forget your place.” She warned with a genuine anger growing underneath her usual controlled attitude and I dropped my gaze to the ground nervously. “Strangers in a trade town are not unexpected, neither is gossiping elders. I am the experienced warrior. I decide whom we pursue. Nica’s village does not require our investigation.” She elaborated in a cool voice and I felt my frustration taking root in my chest. I’d come to know Arlo well enough to glimpse through her behaviours and my suspicions were raised by her refusal to acknowledge my concerns. Usually, she would at minimum entertain my suggestions, but she was adamant in her avoidance of this information, leaving me suffocatingly unsatisfied. “A month has passed since we discovered Azgeda in the market. Since then, I have seen no further evidence of any plots. Perhaps the queen has remembered her lack of importance.” Arlo explained with a sneer and I shook my head, feeling my annoyance bubbling to the surface.

“Or perhaps we have not investigated thoroughly enough.” I muttered, causing her attention to snap to me with a visible distaste. Before I could stop myself, my honest impression of her that I had been building as I observed her over the past weeks slipped from my lips. “All I’m saying is that we have a lead right now and you are not interested in ruling it out. I have to wonder if it is because you are too afraid to show that you care for others, especially Nica-”

Before I could finish my sentence, Arlo leapt to her feet and dragged me in her iron grip. She held me barely inches from her furious face and I stared back at her with wide, alarmed eyes.

“Are you doubting my loyalty and commitment to my duty,  _ skai ga _ ? [sky girl]” She hissed in a tone that was so deadly threatening that it caused my hairs to stand on end and I quickly shook my head in response.

“I would not dare,  _ Seda _ .” I muttered nervously. At this moment, I realised that it had been a lapse in judgement to allow myself to become relaxed around her and I was harshly reminded that she was my superior, rather than my friend. Though she might listen to my opinion, she was under no obligation to consider it and as I dropped back to the ground, I thanked all my lucky stars that she’d chosen not to physically harm me for my disrespect. “I have no fears. You would do well to remember that.” She spat before she stormed from the camp, leaving me alone to regain my composure.

I sat by the fire, allowing myself a chance to calm my frazzled nerves and reflected on how my relationship with Arlo had grown over the past four weeks. Though I now felt that I could depend on her and my skills had developed substantially through her severe methods, there was still a closed, distant feeling to her demeanour. I’d only been given the chance to return to Arkadia for a visit once in that time and I missed Bellamy and the others. Arlo was hardly a source of comfort and I knew that although strength was important, I needed contact with them to retain the kind parts of my personality.

It began to get dark in the camp as I edged closer to the fire for warmth, but Arlo had not returned. Communication in the wild had been far more challenging without the simple use of technologies such as walkie talkies and I knew that I would have to wait patiently for her, however long it took. I was uncertain how much time had passed when she finally crept back into camp and stood in the shadows to stare at me in silent expectation. I cleared my throat and stood to address her.

“I apologise for earlier. You are the teacher and I am your student. You were right to remind me of that.” I conceded in a calm tone and she continued to observe me with her still, inscrutable expression. After a gut wrenching few moments of silence, she began to appear impressed and I slowly released a breath that I did not realise I had been holding.

“I vowed to teach you and an important lesson is to honour your instincts.” She remarked cryptically, before tossing my daggers over. I caught them without having to consider the action, having practiced this at length and glanced up at her with confusion. “We will ride the dirt road near Nica’s village. Prepare the horses.” She ordered and I immediately nodded as I moved to follow her command.


	57. Asʜ & Bʟᴏᴏᴅ

The ride to the village was tense and practically my entire being thrummed with nerves. Mentally, I could not decide which outcome would be worse, for Arlo’s scolding to have been correct or to arrive only to find that there was cause for concern after all. Nica’s young face flashed through my mind and I gulped down my dread. As the familiar shapes of the huts came into view, my stomach lurched when I noticed that the smell of burning filled my nostrils and adrenaline surged through my veins. There was vivid horror plastered over Arlo’s already pale face, before we broke into a gallop to an unknown situation.

As we crossed the threshold into the small community, we were greeted by chaos and I glanced around at the scene before us open mouthed with shock. Unarmed people lay dead strewn across the ground, huts burned and there were cries of terror and pain from almost every direction. It was overwhelming to be surrounded by so much need, knowing that the two of us were the only aid that they would receive and, as if sharing the same thought, Arlo turned to face me with a determined scowl.

“Find Nica. I will search for information and aid any other survivors.” She barked, before tearing away from me without even a backwards glance. From her quick thinking reaction, I suspected that this was not her first experience with disasters on this scale and the background that Indra had provided me with just before I met Arlo for the first time replayed in my mind. The realisation struck me that this was likely painfully similar to her past, when her village was destroyed and that rather than simply delegating well, she may also have separated us because she needed to be alone in order to contain her emotions.

I slid down from the horse and began to navigate through the aftermath on foot, as I plodded around in a state of shock. The stench of death and dense placement of bodies were a haunting recurrence of the downfall of Mount Weather and I struggled to remain focused on the present. The puddles beneath my feet were tinged red with blood and smoke filled the air, coating my lungs with it’s heady intoxication.

Forcing my attention to the task at hand, I called out to the young boy and my heart ached when he did not respond. I began to search through the changed landscape of the village that I had once known well, checking each building for any signs of survival, only to find more bodies and realised that I might be hunting for his body, rather than a hiding child. The thought was daunting and I pushed it aside as I dug through the devastation, praying that he was indeed safe.

By the time I had covered half of the village, my faith that we would find him safe and sound was wavering and my calls morphed into something more frantic. My hands were a filthy combination of grey and red, and I felt the severity of the situation crushing in on me from all angles. My breaths grew shallow and my heart hammered in my chest, the sound pounding in my ears. Just as I feared that I was losing control of my panic, I caught a glimpse of copper hair emerging from the devastation and Arlo appeared in my view.

“Anything?” I breathed, staring over at her in wide eyed desperation and she shook her head regretfully in response. Even in the poor visibility, I noticed that her eyes were puffy and slightly red, and knew that she was more heavily affected by the tragedy than she was willing to admit. Our eyes met and for a fleeting moment, there was a sense of horror that was shared between us before she darted her gaze away to examine the immediate area.

“No survivors.” She grumbled in a low, heartbroken manner as she avoided looking at me and I hissed under my breath. The smoky air churned past us, carrying the bitter scent of blood and I felt myself becoming manic as I realised that every second that passed lowered our chances of finding Nica alive. The invasive image of his smiling face filled my mind without my permission and tears pricked at my eyes. Realising that she hadn’t fully answered my question, I opened my mouth to enquire whether she had found his body with dread crushing my chest, when I was interrupted by a pained shout nearby. Arlo and I paused for a moment in shock, each silently confirming that we hadn’t imagined it before I took off running with her hot on my trail. 

“We hear you, keep shouting!” I called insistently as I sprinted in the direction that I thought the sound was coming from, but it was difficult to decipher in the thick fog of the smoke. Before long I’d lost track of it, but stubbornly continued forward in the hope that I might stumble across someone. “Where are you? Make a sound!” I pleaded with my hands clasped around my mouth to amplify my voice and though I did not hear the voice again, I became gradually aware of a banging sound to my side. Without hesitation, I veered off toward it with the aim of pinpointing its location, whilst Arlo broke off in the other direction. 

Realising that the sound seemed to be behind me now, I hurtled to a stop and jogged back the way that I’d come from. Though I could recognise that it was nearby, I struggled to find its origin and began frantically examining all of the collapsed buildings for any sign of a survivor. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a set of small legs hanging out from some of the wreckage and threw items aside in a manic bid to reach whomever was underneath. The moment that I lifted off some of the pressure, the sound grew louder and I felt a wave of hope at the confirmation that I was in the right place.

“Hold on! I’m here, I hear you.” I yelled back to them, launching chunks of wood out of the way until I finally uncovered a small, broken form. Immediately, I recognised the bruised face and leaned back to call out. “Arlo! I found him!” I screeched, before returning to his side in a fluster and identifying that he had been smacking a pipe against a sheet of metal to lead us to him. I pushed his filthy hair from his face with a tearful smile and as our eyes met, I could recognise an overpowering will to endure that radiated from inside him. “You clever boy!” I muttered fondly and he gradually seemed to recognise me.

“In-di-go?” He stuttered with a pained voice and I nodded hurriedly back, battling to keep my tears from flooding down my cheeks. He fidgeted in an attempt to lean forward, but as soon as he moved even slightly, he cried out in a sound that made my stomach churn with horror and coughed blood into his hand. My face dropped with trepidation and I turned my attention to his body with a gulp. As I analysed the extensive selection of wounds that littered his slight form, Arlo fell to her knees on his other side in a frenzy.

“He lives!” She whispered, for once her controlled façade giving way to a relief that was almost palpable in the air. My hands shook with terror as I pulled back his clothes to investigate the cause of the bleeding and all of the colour drained from my face as I discovered the source. He had several cuts that seemed to have been inflicted with a sword, but the most noticeable was a large gash across the width of his waist, which poured blood at an alarming rate. I glanced from him to Arlo with a lump rising in my throat and her expression silently pleaded for good news. Ripping off my arm warmers, I threw them at her and began unwrapping my shirt.

“Put these on the small cuts and hold as much pressure on them as possible. We need to slow the bleeding.” I instructed without a single thought about status and for the first time, she obeyed without question. The length of the fabric that was wrapped around my chest was a blessing and I lifted him slightly to thread it underneath him. I tightened it as much as possible and then ripped off one of the leather strips that hung from my corset, fastening it around like a belt. “We need help! Did you find anyone?” I queried hopefully but she shook her head with a grim expression and I cursed quietly. “Alright. Let’s get him moved. Maybe we can make it to the next village?” I suggested as we attempted to lift him as carefully as possible but he howled in agony from every single step that jolted him from side to side. Miraculously, we found a trading wagon nearby and settled him on its surface.

As I swept his sweat soaked hair from his face, I noticed that his skin was growing cold and his lip trembled. He gazed up at me in an unfocused manner and it was clear to me that we had little time remaining to intervene. In a gesture of stress, I ran my hands through my hair and began to pace in an effort to form a plan. I knew in my gut that my limited medical experience would not be enough to treat such severe injuries and wracked my brain for somewhere that I could take him where there would be people that were capable of helping. Movement to my side caught my attention and I glanced over to find Arlo settled on her knees, staring down at him with intensity. He peeked at her with a trust that was unwavering and she studied him fondly.

“What happened here? Who did this to you, _ yongon _?” She asked in a gentle, but poignant manner and Nica’s breathing became effortful and raspy as he prepared himself to answer her. I paused my fearful footsteps to listen to his explanation and although I felt that we didn’t have time to waste, I understood Arlo’s need to ensure that she found out who was responsible for this, in case this was her only opportunity. 

“The men came...searching for...someone. They asked who had seen...they said we lied….cut us down, burned our homes…” He stuttered, every word seeming to be a battle for him and we keenly listened to his strained description. As he opened his mouth to continue, he coughed heavily and blood splattered from his lips. I leaned in close to him and assisted to lift his shoulders to clear his airway, terrified that he would choke in his own blood.

“Who were the men, Nica? What did they look like?” I questioned desperately, rubbing his back to sooth him and a fire already lit inside of me for the predators of such a vicious act. His eyelids grew heavy as he viewed me over his shoulder and his breaths were ragged.

“No names...strangers…” He muttered in a hoarse voice and I could tell that he was making every effort to think of something that could help us to identify them. A few seconds passed as he fought to remain awake and mentally I pleaded with all that was holy to spare his life. “Scars...on their faces...under the white...pretty markings…” He trailed off, his focus drifting lazily past my face to the sky and I shook him to keep him from slipping away.

“Stay with me, Nica! Get the horses, we must go now.” I yelled at Arlo in urgency, whilst I pushed the fabric on his waist to increase the pressure and she leapt from the wagon. His limbs became heavy in my grip and his head lulled back, causing my stomach to flip with terror. “Don’t do this! Hold on, please.” I begged as I took his immature face in my hands and felt my heart hammering with panic. He was unresponsive to my voice and when I felt his neck, there was no indication of a pulse. Without even a moment of consideration, I moved into a crouch and knitted my hands together. I forced intense pumps into his chest, keeping a mental count of the compressions and pushing away the lingering memory of the last time I performed CPR, on Bellamy in the dropship.

“What are you doing?!” Arlo’s sharp voice carried from behind as she rushed back to the wagon, still gripping the reins of the horses, but I strained to retain my focus as I pushed determinedly on his chest.

“Saving his life!” I panted, already sweating from the exertion and she crawled up beside me to observe. She seemed equally fascinated and horrified by my actions as Nica bounced around from the impact of the compressions and it crossed my mind that the grounders would likely never have seen CPR. “He stopped breathing, but I’m trying to resuscitate him by keeping his heart beating.” I explained hurriedly, before leaning down to blow two powerful breaths into his mouth. When I returned to compressions, I noticed that Arlo wore a resigned expression and leaned out to check his pulse for herself. She grimaced at the realisation that he was gone and her voice became fragile.

“Stop, Indigo. We are too late. It is his time.” She muttered, her words barely audible through her heartbreak and I shook my head at her vigorously. Mentally, I scanned through the vast array of injuries that I had seen Abby treat and convinced myself that if I could just get him to her, she could perform the impossible.

“No! I can save him!” I barked, still counting my compressions with an unyielding commitment and Arlo sighed. I was unwilling to admit defeat, as I stared death in the face and refused to allow it to take such a young, promising life. “We need to get him back to Arcadia. We have equipment there and doctors. My people can help him-”

“It is a day's ride to your home from here.” She abruptly cut me off mid argument and I shook my head with tears burning in my eyes as I worked. “Do you truly believe that you will be able to perform this treatment for that long, whilst the horses pull the cart over the terrain? Or is it more likely that you will merely extend his suffering and keep him from peace?” She interrogated, for the first time a hint of vulnerability present within her firm words and I scoffed in frustration as beads of sweat rolled down my pale face.

“But he’s only a child!” I gasped indignantly, hardly able to summon the energy to fight my exhaustion through the despair that I felt. “I can’t do it anymore. You have to take over or he’ll die!” I rasped, my throat dry from shortness of breath, but instead of asking for directions on the procedure, Arlo simply reached out to place a hand over mine. With tormented eyes, she slowed my movements to a stop and a single tear escaped my composure to slide down my cheek.

“Death does not hesitate for those who are youthful.” She breathed, glancing down at Nica’s still face with a remarkable calmness that I could hardly even comprehend at this moment. “He died a warrior's death, as we all should be honoured to do.” She clarified, moving her hand from mine to grasp her dagger and I felt my breath catch in my throat at the motion. With a delicate touch, she untangled the braid from behind his head and ran her fingers along it with a sense of sentimentality. “_ Yu gonplei ste odon _.” [Your fight is over] She spoke clearly, in a tone of great significance as she cut the braid free and I watched her stow it away with silent understanding.

As our eyes met, my composure crumbled and my voice cracked as sobs wracked my chest. My ribs ached from the strength of my cries and Arlo covered her face with her hair for a few seconds, but I could tell that she was wiping away tears of her own. When she returned to facing me, there was a forced calm and she lowered her voice to mask her emotions.

“A warrior does not mourn those they have lost until the battle is over.” She expressed, her voice lacking the feeling of wisdom that it usually would hold when she repeated lessons that she had been taught and I wiped my face as I fought to contain the storm of emotions that crashed over me. “There are dead for whom we must pay respects, then murderers to be hunted. Find the strength to get back up.” She implored, rising to her feet to place an encouraging hand on my shoulder, before she left me to compose myself.

Time lost its meaning as I struggled to halt the tears that poured down my cheeks in a near endless supply. I carefully cleaned off the dirt from Nica’s cold face, revealing features that had once been lit with enthusiasm but were now empty and feeling the image burning itself into my brain. Once I felt able to move, I leaned down to press a delicate kiss on his forehead and surveyed him for a final time. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner, Nica. I swear, if it’s the last thing that I do, I will see that you have justice. May we meet again, _ stelt gona _.” [hidden warrior]. I whispered, before forcing myself to part from him.

***

The haunting scent of smoke plagued my dreams and I could not remove the image of Nica’s lifeless face from my memory. His loss felt like an unnecessary trauma, an event that defied fate itself and I knew that the experience had changed both Arlo and I. My lungs burned as I coughed hard enough to begin to wake myself and as the dream faded from my mind, I stirred into consciousness.

Gradually, the realisation struck me that the restricted space of my tent was dominated by heavy smoke and oppressive heat. I bolted to standing and stumbled outside, spluttering for air. The sight that greeted me was surreal and it was a struggle to comprehend whether I was in fact still dreaming. Flames tore through the miniature settlement that had been my home since leaving Arkadia and many of our possessions had been ransacked. As my shock subsided, I realised that Arlo’s tent was completely alight and rushed over to search for her.

“Arlo! Are you in there?!” I bellowed over the crackling of the flames and smoke billowed out as I pulled aside the doors. Covering my face with my arm, I stepped as far inside as I could manage, but before I could catch any glimpse of her, I was dragged backwards sharply.

The attack caught me off guard and, still dazed from sleep, I did not manage to resist the forced movement. I slammed to the ground on my back, staring up at the black sky which was barely visible through the density of the smoke and everything seemed to fall into slow motion. Whilst lost in the haze of the moment, I was startled by the swing of an axe that I barely rolled away in time to avoid. With considerate strain, I sprung onto my feet and held my fists up defensively. A towering figure loomed before me, hood raised to shield them from recognition and I knew immediately that this was no mere training exercise. Without my daggers, I was at a significant disadvantage and knew that I would have to think quickly to get myself out of this.

Before I could question what was happening, my opponent swung forward heavily and I dodged the blade by a hair's width. Summoning all of my strength, I kicked them back and as they stumbled, I struck at their inner elbow to force them to drop the weapon. As soon as it clattered to the ground I kicked it away to prevent them from snatching it straight back. I stumbled back from a shattering impact to my stomach with a groan and the stranger strode closer as they unleashed a chain of blows that threw me around. The moment that they paused, I struck forward and instead of feeling my fist connect with them, they used my momentum to throw me over their shoulder into a pile of debris. A deep wheeze sounded from my chest and my ribs burned from the collision. It was impossible to drag myself back to my feet and I laid in the dirt, glancing around me at the burning camp with a sense of dread.

From the smoke emerged a second hooded figure, smaller than the first and as they strode over to me with their sword raised, I was struck with a wave of determination. My legs shook as I scrambled into an unsteady crouch and stood stubbornly against the duo, who circled me menacingly as if stalking their prey. From the corner of my eye, I noticed a glint of light amongst the pieces of wood that had once been our weapon rack and dug out my daggers.

The moment that I turned to hold them up defensively, I was caught between attacks from both of the invaders and it took all of my strength to hold them back. The sharp clang of our blades ricocheting off each other filled the air and I panted as I rapidly deflected their advances. In a risky manoeuvre, I ducked to avoid the swing of the axe and simultaneously swept my leg out to trip the smaller opponent, who landed unceremoniously on their back with a crunch. Seizing the opportunity, I tactically whacked the remaining attacker in the armpit, then stomped on their foot and finally kicked their groin with as much force as I could muster. As they doubled over, I swiftly sliced at them with my daggers and they collapsed to the ground with an explosive spray of blood.

Without warning, I slammed face first into the dirt and the power of my fall knocked the air from my lungs. The smaller attacker crawled up my back and I realised a moment too late that I’d lost grip of my daggers in the impact. Though I fought to reach them, I was unable to do so quickly enough before something wrapped around my throat and I knew that I was being choked from behind. The weight of my attacker bore down on my shoulder blades and I was lifted back by the rope that cut into my neck. Hot breath tickled my ear as they leaned in close and my blood ran cold with terror as I gasped for air.

“_ Those who oppose the queen will endure her wrath _.” The voice hissed in Trig and even through the overbearing noise of the fire that surrounded us, I could tell that it was distinctly female.

My head became light and my vision darkened as I battled against the oxygen deprivation. As if answering an unspoken prayer, I heard a subtle thud before the woman cried out and the pressure on my throat released just enough to allow me to break free from the hold. I snatched the nearest dagger from the ground immediately and spun around to plunge it into her neck without any hesitation. As she crumpled, I noticed a familiar arrow in her shoulder and my heart leapt into my chest. In the distance, a figure dropped down from height and strolled over with a bow held firmly in their grip.

“I’m glad to find that you survived.” Arlo’s face was coated in thick ash as she reached me and although her words seemed relieved, her expression remained as unmoved as usual. Sometimes I questioned whether she even knew how to emote normally and was baffled as to how she remained so controlled even in the face of such a chaotic situation. 

“You too. I was worried you were caught in the fire.” I confessed between pants, as I leant on the nearest surface to recover from the intense fight and she shook her head as if my concern was completely unjustified. “They almost killed me. Please tell me that you weren’t just sitting up there using that near death experience as training.” I groaned with a heavy exhaustion and I caught a slight smile dancing across her face. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d almost allowed me to die so that I could advance my skills and although I felt that we were past that stage now, I couldn’t help confirming.

“I woke when the fire began and pursued more of their kin. I arrived at that vantage point at the opportune moment to rescue you. Quite fortunate.” She explained, stowing her bow away to approach the bodies for examination and I stared back at her in disbelief.

“Hang on. So you knew that the camp was on fire and you left me asleep in the tent?” I questioned accusingly and she behaved as if she hadn’t heard me. I cursed under my breath at her reaction and was hurt that she would take such a risk just to ensure that she had the chance to catch the culprits. “You know, sometimes I think you’re actually trying to kill me off.” I remarked bitterly and, satisfied with simply pushing off their hoods, she straightened up to fix me with a serious stare.

“I had faith that you would endure. I am pleased that I was correct.” She answered in a bored tone and I huffed at what I felt to be inadequate reasoning for almost allowing me to become a human barbecue. “Look at the markings on their faces. These warriors are of Azgeda, the most fearsome of our fighters. You did well to overcome them, Indigo.” She acknowledged and I couldn’t prevent my brows from shooting up in surprise as her unexpected praise. I wiped my face in a wasteful effort to clear the heavy mix of ash and blood, and recalled the words of the woman who had attempted to strangle me.

“Wait, she said something important! Apparently we opposed a queen and would feel her wrath?” I recounted in confusion and her features quickly contorted into a bitter scowl.

“The ice queen. I knew it. That viper plots from the shadows.” She growled with a fury that was raw and genuine, and I paid close attention to any information that I could gain from her honesty. “The men in Nica’s village, I suspect that they were a part of the same group. He remembered that they had scars. These are present on every warrior from their clan.” She described as she pointed to the bodies at our feet and I noticed an intricate pattern burned into the flesh of their faces, similar to the woman that we’d captured at the market. “What do they desire to find so desperately that they would massacre villages? It’s a bold decision. They likely wished us dead to silence us.” She theorised with her brows deeply furrowed in disgust, before her eyes flitted over the state of the camp and the way that she examined it was more suited to a minor inconvenience than the loss of a dwelling. “Come, we must recover what remains here and extinguish the flames before they spread.” She ordered with a tiredness that I hadn’t heard before and I felt an immense sense of loss as I studied the destroyed location that had come to be my second home.

“Then what will we do? Azgeda cannot get away with this.” I enquired in a vengeful tone, my mind filled with the image of Nica’s suffering face and I glared down at the bodies with rage burning in my stomach.

“I captured one of them alive in the woods nearby, their lookout. We will take him for questioning.” She divulged and I scoffed with dissatisfaction, feeling that this was a grossly insubstantial result. “Then, he will receive no mercy. Nica was respected by many, in villages all through these woods. They will call for justice and when they do, we will see that it is served.”

***

My hands shook as I stood in the crowded chamber that echoed with the cries of the prisoner, as each person approached for their turn to slice a cut into his skin. The tradition was barbaric to witness and the mundane manner with which the other participants treated it only further exacerbated my discomfort. There was a distinct smell of blood tinging the air, just as it had the night at the village and I had to excuse myself to catch my breath. Outside in the cool breeze of the night, I felt my heart hammering with anxiety and my breaths became shallow with panic. The emotions that I felt during Nica’s final moments replayed through my body as if the moment was happening all over again and I gripped my head with both hands in desperation.

“This justice is not what you expected?” Arlo’s sudden voice caused me to startle so hard that I almost lost my balance and I spun around to face her with a wide eyed stare. Despite spending a substantial amount of time living with her, I was still not adapted to her silent movements and I was tired of being ambushed by her appearances. She turned a delicate dagger over between her fingers and I noticed that a fresh, red droplet ran off the edge of the blade. I gulped down my nausea and forced myself to meet her appraising eyes.

“The reality was just more overwhelming than I imagined.” I answered carefully, frustrated that my voice exposed my distress and Arlo nodded slowly in understanding. She leaned casually against a nearby wall and drew out the motion of wiping the blade clean on her coat, savouring every moment as if committing it to memory.

“I remember my first death by 1000 cuts.” She stated in a reminiscing voice and I drew my attention to her with a measured interest. “I entered the ritual overflowing with a brazen attitude, certain that I craved my place in serving the punishment. Once I was faced with the man that committed the crime, my resolve wavered and I lost my courage.” She elaborated and I found myself riveted by her explanation. It was the most personal experience that she’d ever elected to share with me and I remained perfectly still, afraid of anything that might cause her to change her mind. “Instead of allowing my doubt to dominate me, I focused on the actions that led him to this sentence, and the rage and disgust that I felt fueled me. I served my part and provided him with the punishment that was deserved.” She divulged, allowing the conversation to lapse into silence as I absorbed the wisdom that she had just imparted. After a few moments had passed and I realised that she wasn’t going to reveal any further details, I finally dared to speak.

“How old were you?” I enquired carefully, anxiety knotting in my stomach as I was unsure what reaction to anticipate from my largely unpredictable mentor and she viewed me with an unreadable expression.

“Significantly younger than you are now.” She answered in a manner that felt like somewhat of an insult and I sighed at the surreal concept. I couldn’t imagine Arlo as a child, the wisdom in her was so deeply ingrained that it seemed impossible for her to have ever existed without it and the idea of allowing a child to be involved in such a severe ritual seemed barbaric. She straightened up and neatly placed the blade away, her face softening as she studied me. “Though, likely not much smaller.” She remarked with a slight smirk and I couldn’t decide if I was shocked by her honest story, or the fact that she’d just made a humorous dig at my height.

“What will happen once he dies?” I asked reluctantly, unsure if I truly wanted to know the answer as I struggled with conflicting emotions and Arlo sighed thoughtfully.

“His body, and all of the others from our camp, will be taken to the village to be burned with the victims. The pire will join their souls and the ground will be cleansed of the sin. Only then can blood be repaid.” She explained in a matter of fact manner and I shifted on the spot with unease. Though the idea of burning the bodies had become normal to me, I couldn’t help feeling that allowing his ashes to blend with those of his victims seemed bizarre and immensely disrespectful to their suffering. I kept my opinion to myself, not wishing to offend their culture and fiddled with my hands in a gesture of stress.

“The commander sent her most honoured interrogator to work on him, but we only extracted a few names. His loyalty to the ice queen was deep, or perhaps indeed his fear of her.” She reported in annoyance and I nodded back as I awaited orders. “I cannot return to Polis without information that can be acted upon. The Commander has tasked me with infiltrating Azgeda to investigate other accomplices in this operation.” Arlo’s voice was stern, but lacked the confidence that it usually carried and I felt uncertain on whether this mission was something she agreed with, or simply an order that she could not refuse.

“When do we leave?” I asked innocently, assuming that my place would be at her side as always and Arlo seemed proud of my willingness to assist. 

“I cannot include you in this endeavour, Indigo.” She declared, her heavy accent filling my name with sounds that would not usually be present and I was pleased that she had stopped calling me sky girl. “Azgeda is the most brutal of all our lands and they can detect an intruder from only the slightest error. Though you have developed into a brave warrior, you are not ready for this scrutiny.” She explained and though her words were more complimentary than I’d ever heard from her, I was still frustrated that I would have to leave her to face these odds alone.

“Then what can I do to help?” I requested, keen to not leave the entire burden on her shoulders and she smiled fondly at “Return to your home, inform your people of the treachery of Azgeda. They will need to be cautious when leaving your camp and I would only trust you to carry this message.” She instructed and I stared back at her reluctantly, uncertain if she was assigning me this simple duty in order to keep me from harm. “I will signal you when I return. If I intend to expose this betrayal, I will need my second.” She confirmed with a wry smile and I felt my mouth fall open in shock. In all of my time by her side, she had never referred to me as such and I was convinced by Indra’s assertion that she no longer saw herself as part of any clan, that she would not consider offering such a role. I could tell that she awaited my acceptance of this title and although I was honoured to have been presented with it, I felt unworthy as I realised that I had been unable to fulfill a duty that she had accomplished in mere childhood. I fiddled awkwardly with my hands and cleared my throat to address my concerns. 

“_ Seda _, I am unworthy of your compliment.” I muttered shamefully and she crooked a brow at me in enquiry, her expression the picture of confusion. “I thought that I would easily be able to fulfill my part in punishing a man who was part of Nica’s death. But I don’t know if I can.” I confessed, avoiding her gaze as I bowed my head and the tension in the air felt stifling in the silence that followed. After some consideration, Arlo stepped closer to address me. 

“Nica died a child because of the greed of Azgeda. They cut him down, slaughtered him where he stood like worthless livestock. Remember his suffering, his fear and your strength will inspire you.” She advised and I finally looked up at her with uncertainty. “There can be no peace without an end. Take your vengeance proudly, as is our custom and your soul will begin to heal.” She added poignantly, her eyes carrying the weight of her words and I nodded slowly as my emotions flooded to the surface. 

Once determination filled my features, Arlo stepped aside to allow me to pass and I strode into the chamber with a newfound sense of resolve. There were still people keenly awaiting their chance and I waited patiently behind them. Though I still felt uncomfortable, I followed Arlo’s advice and closed my eyes to return myself to the scene of the crime. The memory was easy to summon, fresh in the shallows of my mind and I was immersed in detail as if I had been transported back there immediately. Nica’s brow shined with sweat and ash, and his eyes were filled with a terror that I would never forget. I remembered the overpowering sorrow as he became lifeless in my grip and my heart broke all over again. 

Fire burned in my chest when I opened my eyes and I viewed the captive grounder with a hatred that stemmed from my very core. I decided in that moment that he had forfeited any right to be treated with compassion when he brutally stole innocent lives and especially one of such promise. I approached him with rage boiling through my veins, but was able to remain uncharacteristically in control as I met his exhausted eyes. Reaching for my dagger, I slid it out with a flourish and carved the blade agonisingly slow against his flesh. He hissed in pain as I inflicted a deep wound in his skin, maintaining a vengeful eye contact as I memorised every detail of the act and leaned in close to address him. 

“Nica kom Trikru. May his soul be avenged and his spirit find peace, and may you never receive redemption for his death.” I cursed with as much venom as I could force into my voice and as I turned from him, I carefully wiped my blade on my bodice. The reality of my loss hit me all at once as I sauntered from the room and I finally understood the necessity of this ritual for all of those who were left behind. _ Jus drein jus daun _. 


	58. Pᴏʟɪᴛɪᴄᴀʟ Mᴀɴᴏᴇᴜᴠʀᴇs

Kane stood with his hand cupping his jaw thoughtfully and his brows were so tightly pulled together that I could practically sense the tension in him. The atmosphere was heavy in the meeting room, as all the other attendees sat around the large table, staring at me with riveted interest following my report and I fought to ensure that I maintained a calm demeanour. A deep sigh escaped Kane’s lips and his hands fell to his hips as he addressed me.

“This sounds troubling for the Commander’s coalition.” He finally remarked with an evident poignancy in his voice and I nodded slowly in return. “Perhaps we could offer our support in dealing with these traitors?” He suggested and I crossed my arms defensively. I wasn’t sure why he asked for my opinion, especially in front of the entire leadership of Arcadia but I knew that he wouldn’t back down until I answered. 

“Honestly, I think that would be a mistake.” I revealed in a blunt manner and Kane raised a brow at me in interest, encouraging me to explain my viewpoint. “From my understanding, the ice nation's issue with the Commander stems from her cooperation with us. They consider her willingness to become allies as a weakness, instead believing that she should have wiped us out. They are not the only grounders who feel this way either. There are hints of discontent in most clans and Azgeda is exploiting that to their advantage. If we were to offer the Commander our aid, or even begin to barter for an alliance at this time, it would only demonstrate a lack of awareness on our part. We need to tread carefully, now more than ever.” I elaborated, surprising myself at how well I managed to present my points. I knew that I could thank Arlo for my newfound diplomacy and I noticed a slight smile spread across Kane’s expression at my sensible description. My eyes were drawn to Abby, who sat beside him comfortably and viewed me with a sense of pride sparkling in her eyes. She leaned forward to place her elbows on the table and her gaze focused on me with intensity.

“What would you suggest we do, Indigo?” She asked in an even voice that was laced with a well established trust and I smiled at her appreciatively. Although I’d been reluctant to accept this role at first, I’d grown confident in sharing my insight and together Kane and Abby had proven that they respected anything that I chose to share with them. Inwardly, I remained cautious of their intentions, especially Kane, but he’d demonstrated a wisdom and consistency in my time observing him that was entirely unexpected. I cleared my throat as I glanced around the table at the faces, feeling hesitant until I found Bellamy standing at the back and I felt myself relax.

“I would continue as we are, respecting the Commanders wishes for all outings and review the situation when Arlo returns.” I advised, noticing that Kane and Abby were calmly accepting of the statement compared to the displeased reception of a majority of the other attendees. Several groans erupted from around the table between hushed conversations and one of the men seated nearest to me tuned to face Kane.

“This is ridiculous. With all due respect Vice Chancellor, I cannot understand how you expect us to sit and do nothing whilst the grounders wage war on each other. This Commander might be our only chance to secure peace for our people and yet we risk her being overturned whilst we wait for a single woman, an outsider who has no loyalty to us, on the orders of a  **little girl ** who wants to play grounder?” He spat, glancing back at me with disdain and I felt my face contort into a fierce scowl. 

I recognised this man from lockup on the Ark. He was an officer in the guard who possessed a god complex and made our already melancholy days unnecessarily worse. I suspected that his opinion was influenced by not only his complete absence of any knowledge on the grounders, but also his absolute disapproval for a delinquent like myself to be granted an important position on the council.

“Perhaps Kane realises the sense in defecting to someone with more valuable insight into the people who possess the power to annihilate us if they so desire.” I drawled with a heavy distaste and the guard returned his attention to me in surprise. “It’s true that our plan relies on a single woman, but considering that this task also requires stealth and a delicate touch, I fail to see how that is a questionable decision. This is not a problem that can be managed with brute force and a condescending attitude, so I think you’ll find that your input is irrelevant in this matter, Officer Davies.” I added coldly, before placing my hands on the table and stared down at him with a glare that communicated my fury at his disrespect with an undeniable clarity. “And in case it wasn’t clear, my name isn’t little girl. It’s Indigo and you’ll address me by it.” 

“I think you’ve quite made your point, Indigo.” Kane announced, breaking us apart with an authoritative tone and I stepped back from the guard who seethed with anger. “For the time being, we increase our numbers on patrol. Any sightings of Azgeda are to be properly documented so that we can inform the Commander and you are to follow the rules of engagement in all circumstances. We will await the return of Indigo’s mentor, at least until our next meeting. If there is no further information by that time, we can discuss alternative options. This meeting is adjourned.”

I filtered out of the room amongst the other members and paused in the hall to wait for Bellamy. The moment that I came into his view, his eyes filled with amusement and a sly smile spread across his lips. He strolled over to me with a confident bounce in his step and I crossed my arms, raising a brow at him.

“You really gave Davies an earful in there.” He remarked as he examined me from above and I shrugged carelessly, revealing my lack of remorse. “You know, it’s kinda sexy when you get all bossy. Gives me a reason to be glad that I have to sit through those meetings, even if it does make it hard to concentrate.” He drawled as he stepped closer, biting his lip and I struggled to stifle a laugh.

“Bel, are you suggesting that watching me behave aggressively turns you on?” I enquired with a smirk and he cracked into a wide smile.

He opened his mouth to defend himself, but before he could manage any words he was called over by another member of the guard. He glanced back at me apologetically and I nodded to encourage him to go ahead. Though I’d been back in camp for a week, we hadn’t managed to spend much time together as Bellamy was constantly busy and even when I had seen him, his behaviour seemed erratic. There was nothing in particular that I could raise as suspicious, more simply it was a feeling that something was different. Though I tried to quash my doubts, I had never been incorrect in my intuitions with Bellamy in the past and this fact continued to haunt me.

“Indigo.” A deep voice pulled me from my thoughts and I turned my attention away from watching Bellamy to find Davies regarding me, his disapproval barely masked in his expression.

“Davies.” I replied coldly, a nervous sense of anticipation filling my stomach as I prepared myself for a rematch of our previous disagreement that could not be as well controlled as it was under Kane’s watchful eye. Though I had no qualms with fighting a guard if the situation called for it, I was not particularly enthused by the consequences of this idea and hoped that I might be able to reach a more peaceful outcome.

“That was quite a performance in there. You must be immensely confident in Kane’s backing to publicly disagree with his and the Chancellors intentions like that. You should be careful that your attitude doesn’t cost you the support of your fellow council members.” He stated in a condescending manner and I felt myself clench my jaw instinctively. A slight sneer hid in the corner of his lips at my reaction and I acknowledged that he was purposely attempting to bait me into rash action. I took a deep breath to steady myself and met his eyes with a forced confidence that seemed to catch him off guard.

“My, my officer. Is that a threat?” I remarked, amusement coating my words and he bristled at my self control. He glanced around momentarily to ensure that he would not be overheard, before leaning in closer in an attempt to intimidate me. 

“Believe me, if I wanted to threaten you it would be abundantly clear. You would not have to question it. I’m just giving you some friendly advice, from one experienced council advisor to a youthful new member. These positions come with a great deal of scrutiny. It would be wise to tread carefully.” He lowered his voice to a deep grumble and the air between us grew heavy with tension. Though my temper boiled under the surface, I pushed it away and once again was thankful that I had grown to be able to control it far better than I had before.

“That’s awfully considerate of you.” I answered, an insincere smile filling my face that caused him to shift in discomfort. “But what makes you think that I need your advice?” I suggested with an unimpressed smirk and he huffed in annoyance. As he stared down at me, his eyes grew dark and I began to expect trouble from the unbridled anger that threatened to burst through his facade at any moment.

“Come on, Sloan. We both know what you’re like. Even in lockup, you were unpredictable and reckless. Having a criminal like you on the council is both an embarrassment and a serious risk. You’re a loose canon, it’s only a matter of time before you fire upon the wrong target.” He explained, an arrogant tone in his words as he viewed me with a familiarity that was not earned and I bit my tongue in an effort to prevent myself from launching all of my thoughts at him in a vile tirade. Instead, I concentrated on a response that would be less likely to get me arrested again.

“Perhaps I was once, but a lot has changed since you knew what is arguably only an insignificant trifle about who I am. I’m not the same person that I was on the Ark.” I argued, gritting my teeth to keep the spite from escaping my mind and Davies scoffed at my diplomatic response. It was obvious that he saw through my measured demeanour and I gulped down my temper.

“Yes, of course. You’ve had plenty of time to grow on Earth, without any rules or guards to hold you accountable. From what I’ve heard, you’ve honed your skills and become a far more accomplished killer than you were whilst locked away. How high exactly is your kill count now? It must be getting impossible to wash that amount of blood from your hands. I’m sure your mother would be proud. You've grown up to be the perfect heir to your lunatic father.” He sneered with a viscous attitude and I felt any remaining shred of patience melt away into nothing. I stepped into his space with anger ringing in my ears, but before I could strike him, something large blocked my path.

“Officer Davies, is there a problem here?” A gruff voice interrupted us and I slowly realised that Bellamy had stepped in front of me protectively. There was a powerful anger simmering just under the surface of his calm expression and his reaction had stunned me from my outrage. Davies stuttered in an effort to find words, clearly shocked by my defences arrival and Bellamy maintained his intense stare. “Because if you were to have an issue with Indigo, I can tell you that it would be a mistake to attempt to cause her even the slightest upset. Anything you have to say to her, you can bring to me. So, got anything you wanna say?” He added, his eyes bearing into the smaller man with a familiar seriousness that I’d witnessed whenever he felt that Octavia needed his protection and Davies practically shrunk under his scrutiny.

“No problem here, Blake. Simply passing on some friendly advice. She’s all yours.” He forced the words out with an obvious nervousness and moved to step away with urgency, but before he could get far Bellamy moved into his path again. 

“Yes,  **she is.** ” He stated poignantly, allowing his severe expression to carry the implication of what would happen if he were to attempt such a conversation again and he nodded back fervently, before scampering out of sight. Bellamy watched him in a predatory manner until he could no longer see him, then turned to view me with concern. “You alright? That seemed like a pretty unpleasant conversation?” He breathed as his eyes scanned me for any harm and I nodded.

“I’m fine. Just glad I didn’t have my knife on me, or I’d be looking at another charge of murdering a guard.” I muttered and Bellamy furrowed his brows at me. “I’m kidding. I wouldn’t have killed him. Probably.” I added, but he remained unmoved as he awaited details. “He mentioned my parents...both of them.” I grumbled, frustration creeping back into my voice and his eyes widened with shock. 

“That asshole-“ He spat with an outrage that rivalled even my own as he whipped around to stalk after him but I caught his arm to hold him in place.

“Hey!” I hissed as I forced his attention back to me with substantial strain and he buzzed with uncontrolled energy. “He’s not worth the trouble. You’d just be giving him what he wants.” I revealed, surprised at my own self restraint as I turned down the chance to watch Bellamy pound him into the ground and he cursed under his breath. I reached up to take his face in my hands and gazed at him with a fondness that made my heart swell. “You already saved me. You've done enough. Thank you.” I asserted with a genuine appreciation and he finally broke into a smile. “Whatever can I do to repay you, my hero?” I whispered, a playful tone filling my words and his smile grew sly at my implication. He leaned into my space until he was so close that his nose bumped mine and I felt my pulse quicken with exhilaration.

“I can think of a few ideas.” He crooned and I giggled lightly before I was interrupted by his lips on mine. 

Instinctively, my hands slid back into his hair, my fingers entwining in his thick curls and I leaned into the kiss keenly. Our contact had been sparse recently and I craved him more than I was willing to admit. Though he never failed to take my breath away, I couldn’t help feeling that he was reserved in the way that he kissed me and it only furthered my suspicions that something was wrong with him. As the moments passed, I noticed that he didn’t reach for my hips as he normally would, or seem to attempt to press himself against me. As I felt myself becoming lost in passion, I naturally attempted to part his lips to deepen the kiss, but he quickly pulled away from me, breaking the kiss early enough to leave me immensely unsatisfied. 

“Sorry, Indie. I have to get ready for patrol.” He excused as he retreated and the air felt cold around me as he moved away. I could hardly find any words to answer him through my confusion and simply remained rooted to the spot as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’d better head off. I’ll catch up with you later, okay.” He added hurriedly before he rushed from the room, leaving me with a knot in my stomach. 

I wandered outside with anxiety crushing in my chest and barely paid any notice to my surroundings. All of the interactions replayed in my mind, contrasting against each other and I struggled to analyse them. Each conversation provided a piece of the puzzle, but I was unable to organise them into a complete picture that made any kind of sense. Something barged into my shoulder, startling me into the present and I glanced up to find Monty staring at me with wide eyes.

“Indie! Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention, in a bit of a hurry. Have you seen Bellamy this morning?” He asked in a fluster and I felt my stomach flip at his question. Part of me wanted to crumble into Monty’s arms, to confide in him about my concerns and relieve myself of the stress that I carried around, but I could recognise that there was a more pressing matter on his mind at the moment, so I buried my own feelings to address later.

“Umm, yeah I saw him a few minutes ago. He just left to get things sorted for patrol.” I infomed evenly and Monty cursed under his breath. I furrowed my brows and examined him closely with worry blooming in my chest. “Is everything okay, hun? You seem panicky?” I enquired warmly, attempting to pass my calm attitude on to him, but he continued to bounce on the spot in aggravation.

“It’s Jasper. He’s not going to be ready for patrol without intervention and he’s not responding to my efforts.” He revealed, frustration evident in his gestures and I sighed in disappointment. Sometimes, it felt like the problems in this camp were constant and I wondered if we would ever reach a time where we could lead a simple existence. “Actually, he’s pretty much non responsive in general, but that’s the norm for him lately.” He mumbled to himself and I grimaced involuntarily.

“Alright. Where is he?” I investigated, a fierce determination presenting itself as my patience with this ongoing behaviour grew thin. Monty viewed me with surprise, as if he was unused to being offered assistance with this responsibility and I couldn’t help feeling sorry that he had to face this burden alone most of the time.

“He’s sprawled out on the floor of our dorm.” He answered and without hesitation, I began marching towards the destination. Monty appeared conflicted for a moment, glancing rapidly between the warehouse where the guards met and my departing back, before he quickly fell into step beside me. “Indie, please don’t think that I don’t appreciate your help, but he’s seriously out of it. I don’t think you and I have the strength to carry him between us, no offence.” He blurted with a sense of alarm as I continued on my war path, unperturbed by his comments.

“I’m not going to carry him.” I stated with finality and Monty glanced at me with confusion, but remained by my side nonetheless. “We’ve enabled him for long enough. It’s time to try another approach.” I elaborated in a stern voice and his brows shot up at my words. Though he seemed uncertain about my intentions, he made no effort to stop me and I was pleased to find that he trusted me enough to allow me to act without question.

When we reached the door, I allowed Monty to enter first whilst I stooped to collect a bucket from the hallway. I filled it in the bathroom and wasted no time in launching the contents over Jasper. He startled awake with a gasp, his limbs lashing out in every direction and the movement allowed a flask to drop to the floor at his side. I seized the opportunity to remove this temptation and kicked it forcefully over to Monty.

“Get rid of that, will you.” I instructed and he nodded back as he snatched it up. Turning back to Jasper, I steeled my expression to ensure that there was no friendliness remaining and channelled Arlo in an effort to seem as authoritative as possible. “You have patrol.” I announced in a cold tone and Jasper stared up at me with disbelief.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He snarled, a slur still evident in the way that he spoke and I rolled my eyes at him. “Great, you’re back. Welcome home! Couldn’t you just say hi like a normal person?” He grumbled aggressively and I crouched down to his level. My stern eyes met his unfocused set and I spoke with as much power as I could manage.

“I’m done holding your hand. Get off your drunk ass, sober up and get to patrol. Bellamy is waiting for you.” I ordered, straightening up before he could argue and sweeping from the room with Monty close behind me. Once in the hall, I handed him the empty bucket and smiled in a manner that I hoped seemed authentic. “Hopefully that should straighten him out for a few hours at least. Let me know if he gives you any more trouble.” I offered and Monty nodded in a dazed way.

“Thanks. I will.” He muttered and I began to walk away. “Wait, Indie. That was really intense. Are you...are you okay?” He called after me and I took a deep breath before glancing back over my shoulder.

“I’m fine. You know where to find me if you need help.” I smiled and strode away without another word.

***

Whilst most of the camp was surging with activity around the patrol, I attended medical for a brief check-up and medication refill from Jackson. I was thankful that he’d respected our agreement to keep my condition private and despite the fact that I was not taking it easy by any stretch of the imagination, I was recovering well enough that he didn’t feel the need to bring anyone else in. I caught up with Octavia and Lincoln briefly, before taking the hint that they were keen for some alone time and busied myself with some other tasks where needed. In order to occupy my frantic mind, I visited Raven’s workshop and was relieved to find that she hadn’t been drafted to support the guard duty.

“I thought you’d be out ensuring your baby didn’t come to any harm.” I remarked as I entered, referencing the Rover and she glanced up from her work disinterestedly, before quickly resuming her task.

“I didn’t stay behind by any choice of my own, believe me.” She grumbled sulkily and I took a seat by her workspace to investigate. Her face was smeared with oil and from the state of her surroundings, I suspected that she had been working non stop for some time.

“Looks like they’re keeping you plenty busy here. Anything I can help with?” I asked light-heartedly and Raven scoffed quietly.

“Not unless you became a capable engineer since I saw you last. Otherwise, you’ll just slow me down.” She snapped coldly and I shifted in discomfort at her closed attitude. She sighed deeply and placed down the item she was fiddling with to look up at me. There were deep dark circles under her usually bright eyes that were instead dulled with exhaustion and it was immediately obvious that she hadn’t been taking care of herself. “I’m sorry. I’ve just got a lot going on at the moment. Plenty that needs fixing, or issues that need solutions in camp. Turns out that building a community from scratch takes a lot of work.” She explained in an apologetic voice and I nodded in understanding.

“It’s okay. I can tell that you’re busy. Honestly, you look exhausted. Has no one been taking care of you?” I enquired with my brows furrowed in concern and she snorted in disbelief.

“Yeah right, like who? You’re the only one who comes down to my dirty old office.” She revealed in a vulnerable tone and I was disappointed to find that none of the others had thought to check on her whilst I was away.

“Well, what about Gina? You guys seemed to be getting along pretty well last I remember.” I suggested and she became tense at my implication. In a need to occupy her hands, she began fiddling with her tools again and I crooked a brow at her in interest. “She seemed to be really quite fond of you now that I think about it. Would you have anything you want to tell me about her?” I pried playfully in the hope that I could encourage her devious personality to emerge, but she simply shrugged.

“I don’t know. I wouldn’t really know how to describe us. Nothing has actually  **happened** between us if that’s what you’re asking, but...it feels like we’re more than just friends, you know?” She hesitantly revealed and I smiled with a blatant excitement. She cleared her throat loudly and turned to face me. “Look, I’m really swamped right now. Can we talk about this another time?” She blurted, rapidly closing me out and I got to my feet.

“Umm, sure. No problem.” I stuttered, pushing my hurt away as I strained to appear normal. “We’ll catch up later. Get some rest, Raven.” I added fondly, but she was already engrossed in her work again and I backed out of her workshop with a pang in my chest.

***

Hours passed until the patrol finally returned and the sun had already almost completely set. Though I remained busy, my mind swirled with thoughts and I could feel myself beginning to spiral. Above everything else was my fear for Arlo, with every passing day that we did not receive word from her causing a deeper feeling of unease. I had faith in her ability, but remembered her words about the brutality of Azgeda and couldn’t help wondering what fate she would suffer if she were caught. Despite her insistence that I was not up to joining her, it felt wrong not to be at her side in the face of such odds, whilst at the same time I could not imagine leaving Arkadia when all of my loved ones seemed to be dangling on the edge of breakdowns. 

I sat outside to wait for Bellamy to emerge from the debrief, when something in the distance caught my eye. A line of smoke slowly made its way through the trees, rising high into the sky and contrasting sharply against the last fading colours of the sunset. The plume of smoke gradually grew thicker and I couldn’t deny the instinct that it was there for me. I watched it for a while, with the pull from my chest only becoming stronger until I could not continue to ignore it. I stomped inside, directing myself to the meeting room with an overwhelming feeling of urgency and threw the door open haphazardly. Many confused faces glanced up at me, mid conversation and I wasted no time in awaiting an opportunity to speak.

“There’s a signal. She’s back.” I announced firmly and Kane immediately rushed to his feet, tearing from the room with me hot on his heels. I could hear the footsteps of the rest of the patrol group following us into the open air and Kane paused near the gates to view the clouds that rose into the sky.

“And you’re sure it’s her?” He asked in a controlled manner that brinked on excitement and I nodded back insistently. “What do you want to do?” He asked and I was relieved that he still offered me control of the situation.

“I need to go to her, find out what happened.” I stated immediately, struggling to refrain from sprinting out there immediately and Kane appeared to be considering the options. I waited with baited breath, watching the signal out of the corner of my eye with a pit forming in my stomach. Regardless of Kane’s opinion on how we should manage the situation, I needed to see her, to confirm with my own eyes that she had made it home safely. “Okay.” Kane’s sudden answer caught me off guard and as he opened his mouth to speak again, he was interrupted by a familiar voice.

“You can’t be serious.” Bellamy broke apart from the rest of the group to approach us and stared at Kane in disbelief. “It’s basically dark already. You can’t let her just wander off into the woods on her own!” He argued as he addressed Kane and I crossed my arms defensively.

“I’m not god damn Red Riding Hood, Bellamy! I can take care of myself.” I commented bitterly, my earlier annoyance with him seeping into my words and he turned to me with a frustrated expression. “Besides, I don’t need permission. I’m not a prisoner in this camp.” I added and he thinned his eyes at me.

“How do you even know it’s her? Unless you didn’t tell us everything, all she said was that she would signal you.” He interrogated and I shifted slightly on the spot as he stared me down. I peered between him and Kane with uncertainty and Kane waited expectantly for an answer.

“I just know.” I insisted and Bellamy scoffed in exasperation. I clenched my jaw at his reaction, unappreciative of his lack of trust but he simply returned to Kane, who seemed to be struggling to choose a side.

“Kane, we have no proof that this is Arlo returning. For all we know, she could be walking into a trap, or an ice nation camp.” Bellamy advised, causing Kane to view him with a hint of consideration and I tutted in annoyance. “Look, if you want to investigate, I understand. But she’s not going out there alone. If we do this, we do it properly, with a patrol to back her up if things go wrong.” He suggested protectively and I stepped forward to protest.

“Arlo trusts me, approaching her with an armed force may compromise that. Things are tense enough already without pointing a bunch of guns at her!” I exclaimed, refusing to even look at Bellamy as I spoke directly to Kane and ignored the hole that his gaze was burning into the side of my head. Kane remained silent for several moments, his arms crossed over his chest as he attempted to formulate a plan and I pleaded with my eyes for him to trust me.

“I’m sorry Indigo, but we can’t be certain that this is your ally and I cannot ask you to risk your life.” Kane finally declared and I cursed under my breath. “Bellamy, choose your team to accompany her. If it is Azgeda, you are not to engage them, is that clear?” He commanded with a calm air of authority and Bellamy nodded back gratefully. He turned to order the group to prepare for another outing and I remained rooted to the spot, staring at the group as I attempted to think of a way around this plan. As the others spurred into action, Bellamy placed a hand on my arm and I immediately pulled away from him sharply.

“You’re ridiculous.” I spat as I glared up at him and he seemed shocked by my reaction. Without another word, I turned on my heel and marched to the armoury to prepare for the journey, leaving him alone in the dark.


	59. 55 - Iɴᴛᴏ Tʜᴇ Wᴏᴏᴅs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In case it wasn't obvious, all italic dialogue is to indicate that they are speaking Trig around characters who do not understand :) otherwise, any other conversations with grounders are in Trig, but as it is not important to the plot, I didn't bother mentioning which language was spoken. Enjoy!

Leaves crunched beneath our feet as I crept through the woods, surrounded by guards in a protective barrier that felt entirely unnecessary. After all of my time learning to blend in, I had begun to view them as Arlo once viewed me: loud, clumsy and completely incapable of stealth. I knew that I could have dealt with this situation far more efficiently alone and worried that if we were to come across any ice nation warriors, they would be unable to go unnoticed with their lack of subtlety. 

Following the smoke signal, I bargained with any force that I could name to allow my instinct to be correct and prayed that I would find Arlo waiting safely at the end of the path. The dense trees slowly spaced further out as the smoke reached its thickest point and I could feel Bellamy specifically crowding me protectively. As I peered between the trunks, I noticed a glimpse of red hair reflecting the firelight and my face lit up with excitement. I surged forward to investigate and though Bellamy reached out to prevent me from parting from the group, his hand merely grasped the air in my wake. My determined hops through the dirt were practically soundless compared to the stumbling tread of the guards who followed in a fluster and I threw caution to the wind as I entered the clearing to find Arlo sitting on the ground beside a towering bonfire.

“_ Seda _!” I gasped with relief, my heart pounding in my chest with adrenaline and she glanced up at me with a tired expression. She was dirty in a manner that she never allowed herself to become, twigs tangled in her auburn hair and hints of frost still lingering on her clothes. It was immediately obvious that her time away had exceeded all expectations of difficulty and I recognised a substantial amount of bruising scattered across her pale face, even in the low light. 

“_ You finally decided to investigate. I feared you would not come. _ ” She stated poignantly and I felt a wave of guilt wash over me for keeping her waiting. I opened my mouth to explain why I had been delayed, when the others burst into the clearing behind me in a fluster and Arlo’s gaze roamed over them, landing on the oversized guns they carried with annoyance. “ _ It seems your information has given you status amongst your people. You bring your honour guard even to meet those who mean you no harm. _” She suggested coolly, viewing me with a suspicion that was remnant of our early days together and I was frustrated at the watchful eyes of those around us. 

“_ Not by choice _ .” I grumbled with evident disdain and she tilted her head at me inquisitively, as if to question how I could allow myself to be forced into anything unwanted. Her confusion was justified, after all she had trained me better than that, but she was unaware of the weak spot that I carried for Bellamy that rendered me unwilling to cause him any degree of physical harm. “ ** _Someone_ ** _ would not allow me to come alone. They were too worried about the presence of Azgeda. _” I explained, unable to contain my impulse to glance over at Bellamy with an unimpressed glare and he observed us closely, confusion dancing in his eyes as he awaited a translation of our conversation that I was not inclined to provide.

“_ They know that you are a warrior who does not require noisy bodyguards, yes? _” She queried, hinting that she had been able to hear our approach from a distance as I suspected and I sighed in disapproval. If we had found an Azgeda camp out here as Bellamy feared, the presence of his guards would have merely increased my risk and I made a mental note to inform him of this at a later date. 

“_ Oh, he knows. He just frets like a mother hen. _” I drawled, rolling my eyes as I spoke and Arlo turned her attention to Bellamy, who squirmed awkwardly under her scrutiny. I knew that she was attempting to discern the nature of our relationship and from experience, knew that it was pointless even attempting to keep this information from her, as her perceptiveness was sharper than anyone I’d ever known. I awaited her response nervously, but instead of receiving a well measured judgement as expected, she dramatically grimaced and clutched at her waist. Before I’d even considered my actions, I rushed forward to meet her and kneeled in front of her with visible concern.

“_ What is it? What’s wrong? _ ” I breathed with my voice gripped in worry and she attempted to feebly bat me off, allowing me to notice the fresh red blood on her hand. “ _ You’re wounded! _” I whispered as I met her eyes and she clenched her jaw defensively, as if offended by this accusation. 

“_ It is not important. My duty to my Commander decrees that I must pass my mission to my second if unable to complete it myself and I intend to fulfil that promise. _” She informed me with ragged breaths and I widened my eyes at her in horror. In a rapid movement, I pushed aside the hand that she used to protect her waist before she could fight me off and found a heavy red straining that seeped through her clothes. The severity of the bleeding indicated a wound that would potentially be fatal without intervention and I could hardly believe that she had attempted to keep this hidden from me. I gasped in horror and the colour drained from my face as I rose to my feet to address the waiting crowd.

“She’s hurt. We need to get her back to camp, now!” I declared with an assertiveness that radiated from my core and they began to secure their weapons away to assist her. 

“No!” Before anyone could even manage to take a step toward her, she barked in a sharp voice that intimidated them all in place. I turned back to her with a visible confusion and found that she was staring up at me with her face locked in a stern glare. “_ I will not be carried into your camp like an invalid for your people to experiment on. _” She spat, her words drenched in disdain and I struggled to decide how to manage her in the face of such a crisis.

“_ Arlo, if you don’t get this treated, it _ ** _will_ ** _ kill you. I don’t even know how you’re still going, except probably out of spite. _” I assessed, teasing her fondly and her expression softened slightly at my words. For a moment, it was as if she’d forgotten my loyalty to her and as she met my eyes, I found a trace of warmth hidden beneath her cold attitude. 

“_ If it is my time, then I will pass no matter how you fight against it. You cannot defy death’s will, Indigo. _” She stated, her voice filled with her usual wisdom and I gritted my teeth with annoyance. Though I understood her mistrust of my people as a whole, I was hurt that she couldn’t simply trust me to think of her best interests and refused to allow her superstitious beliefs to prevent me from saving her life. I glanced at Bellamy over my shoulder with a fierce determination and I could tell that he was uncomfortable with the way that I fussed over Arlo. 

“I need Abby out here. She’s my only option.” I pleaded and he nodded reluctantly as he dug out the patrol radio. Arlo glanced between us with suspicion deeply ingrained in her features and I steeled myself for an argument. “_ If you will not go inside, then I will bring help to you. Do not ask me to sit here and allow you to die when we possess the means to save your life. _ ** _Do not_ ** _ ! _ ” I asserted emotionally and she sighed with exhaustion, her face a mixture of appreciation for my care and apprehension for what was to come. I dropped onto my butt on the ground opposite her, shuffling until I was close enough to place a hand on her knee and she seemed unsure of how to react to the gentle contact. “ _ Arlo. I promise you that no one is going to experiment on you. I’ll stay at your side the whole time. If you can’t trust them, trust me. Please, just let Abby help you. _” I pleaded and though she furrowed her brows at me, she did not object, causing me to sigh in relief.

It felt like hours as we waited in the darkness of the woods for help and Arlo refused to allow me to even examine the wound in the meantime. I could tell that she was growing cold from blood loss and the most that I could convince her to do was move closer to the fire to warm herself. Remaining protectively close to her, she repeatedly scolded me for fussing over her unnecessarily and I held my ground, despite the disapproving looks of both her and Bellamy. Eventually, Abby rushed into the clearing, escorted by a small section of the guards that Bellamy had sent back to guide her to us and as she approached, I noticed with surprise that a familiar face was close to her side.

“_ Linkon kom Trikru. I should have known that I would find you here. You always were a fool for peace. _” Arlo addressed him with disdain, rather than friendly recognition and I had come to terms with the fact that all grounder greetings were so different from our own. He smiled at her with his usual calm demeanour and indicated for Abby to wait behind him whilst he spoke with Arlo. 

“_ It has been many years, Arlo kom Trishakru. It causes me great sadness to find you in such a condition. Whilst it is true that I support Skaikru in their bid for peace, I am trapped within their walls by a kill order from your Commander, for offering them aid when our forces abandoned the alliance that she fostered. _” Lincoln explained cautiously and I chewed my lip nervously as they sussed each other out. 

“_ You chose Skaikru over your own people? _” She accused, disgust clear in her eyes as she viewed him and he held her gaze without any indication of shame. Though I had grown more confident in the way that I addressed her and the things that I was willing to admit, I was amazed by his resilience under her intense scrutiny and how he held his ground firmly in the face of her criticism.

“_ The events that passed were not so simple. I stood with Skaikru to defeat the mountain and I still stand with them proudly, because they are good people. _ ” He argued and she hummed thoughtfully at his words, finally drawing her attention from him to examine Abby with interest. “ _ Skaikru ended the reapings. They seek a permanent alliance with our people, not a war. I have not only seen the miracles of their medicine, but experienced them myself. They saved my life, and they can do the same for you if you would only allow them. _” He presented his case well, vouching for our trustworthiness in a way that I would never have been able to and I awaited Arlo’s response with baited breath. Several tense moments of silence passed as she made her decision and I struggled to manage my anxiety as the seconds ticked past, only allowing her condition to worsen.

“I will not go inside. You may treat me here, under the careful watch of my second, or not at all.” She offered, finally speaking in English and addressing Abby directly. I breathed a sigh of relief, allowing my shoulders to relax as Abby settled beside us with her bag of medical supplies and ensured that I remained close enough for Arlo to feel safe in trusting her. As she peeled back the fabrics to reveal a gushing wound, Abby grimaced and I felt my brows knit together with worry.

“Well, what do you think, doc? Can you save her?” I enquired, my voice shaking as I spoke and Abby glanced up at me, her pretty features warmly lit by the fire.

“I think it would be easier in the medbay, with Jackson and all of my tools.” She suggested, causing Arlo to growl in objection and Abby broke into a reassuring smile. “But I’ll do everything I can for your teacher.” She added warmly and I smiled in appreciation at her kindness.

“_ Indigo, I must tell you about Azgeda. As my second, it will be your duty to report to the Commander if I don’t- _”

“_ No. I don’t want to hear it. You just focus on staying alive and you can tell her for yourself. There will be no succession plans going on here, so don’t even bother. _” I argued as I cut her off mid flow and she viewed me with annoyance. “Abby, is there anything I can do to help?”

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

“Do you intend to fuss around me for the entire night? You must have responsibilities of your own.” Arlo’s sharp voice bounced off the walls of the small cave and I rolled my eyes at her. I was glad that she’d told me about this rarely used hideout near Arkadia and now that she’d been suitably patched up by Abby, I’d assisted her to get here so that she could rest. However, she seemed to have no intentions of resting, instead doing everything in her power to make caring for her as difficult for me as humanly possible. 

“You’ve just had stitches and basically life saving surgery, Arlo. You’ll have to forgive me if I feel the need to check that you are alright.” I stated stubbornly, already losing my patience with her attitude and she groaned in annoyance from her makeshift bed, as if my concern for her was a purposeful form of torture.

“I am a warrior, not some frail old crone that requires your constant support. Of course I will be fine, child. This is not my first brush with death, nor shall it be my last, of that I am certain.” She lectured in a bored tone and I thinned my eyes at her minimising attitude. The way she spoke now was as if I had imagined her preparing for her death mere hours ago and I grew tired of her cold façade. “Take your guards from my door and leave me to sleep. I do not require a handmaiden.” She ordered, waving her hand at me in a frustrated gesture, but I remained firmly rooted to the spot as I considered all that had happened tonight. The events of recent meetings replayed in my mind and I felt conflicted between what I believed was for the grounder and my loyalty to my own people. Arlo glanced over at me aggressively, her eyes silently questioning why I hadn’t obeyed her order to leave yet and I sighed thoughtfully.

“My people want me to help them to form an alliance with the Commander. They think that my experience with you makes me capable of advising them on this matter and my informing them of the situation with Azgeda has only furthered their desperation for this plan.” I divulged, unsure what had prompted me to confide in her as I knew that her opinions would be undoubtedly biased and she scoffed at my description. Though our interests were vastly different, I still craved her wisdom as I continued to feel pulled between two opposing sides of myself and she quickly realised that this was an issue that was troubling me.

“What are your feelings on this alliance? Do you believe it to be possible?” She asked, urging me to explore my own feelings before she would impart any of her own, a method she had used with me many times in the past. I was relieved that she’d momentarily paused her bitter attacks to discuss this situation, as I knew that she was the only person who could assist me to resolve my feelings on the matter. 

“I’m not sure. I think in many ways an alliance could be mutually beneficial. You have seen our medical experience now. We could offer treatments that would save lives. In exchange, they would ask for support with planting crops and other such knowledge to improve our self sufficiency.” I answered thoughtfully and she nodded slowly, as if awaiting the negatives that she knew I was holding inside. “However, I am unsure how adaptable my people can be and I’m certain that there will be those who object to working alongside grounders. In our history, our leaders have been known to be ruthless and greedy. I am afraid that this will prove to be true again.” I revealed, knitting my fingers together anxiously and considering how easily I felt that our people could manipulate the grounders if they desired. Arlo appraised me with an unreadable expression.

“Tell your leaders that I will meet them to discuss the threat of Azgeda. This will allow me to judge their intentions for myself. Tomorrow, at noon, you will lead them to our meeting point, where I will have signalled Indra to represent the Commander. Alliances are built on trust and we must begin to build this if you hope to one day approach the Commander.” She advised, her usual wise manner calming my frazzled nerves and I smiled fondly at her.

“Thank you, Seda. I will return home to prepare them.” I answered, respecting her desire to be left alone over mine to obsessively watch her overnight to ensure that she was recovering well.

I made my way outside to find Bellamy and a few others maintaining a view of the area and the moment that he noticed me, Bellamy came to my side. We silently fell into step together and he indicated to the others to fan out around us as I started the walk back to camp. Though I had my own reasons for feeling stressed with him, I could tell that he was holding tension too and hoped that we could simply avoid an argument whilst we had an audience.

“What’s the deal with Arlo? Is she going to be alright on her own?” Bellamy broke the silence, his voice gravelly and overly cold, and I glanced over at him before quickly darting my attention away so that I didn’t meet his eyes.

“I don’t really have a choice but to hope that she will be. She was very clear that she didn’t need a babysitter.” I relayed with a formality that was strange between us and he hummed in response.

My wish was granted, as the rest of the walk passed without a single word and we automatically went through the well practiced motions of disarming upon the return to camp. Sensing the serious atmosphere between us, the others rushed through their protocol so that they could make themselves scarce and called goodnight behind them as they left us alone. Bellamy cleared his throat in an effort to ease the tension and I kept my eyes trained on my task avoidantly.

“So, are we gonna talk about what happened tonight?” He asked gruffly, his gaze burning into me as I willed myself to ignore him and he sighed in frustration. Eventually, I accepted that he wasn’t going to drop the topic and turned to face him with reluctance.

“Well, that depends.” I reported, crossing my arms as I addressed him and leaning against a nearby bench. “Are we going to talk about what’s going on with you?” I probed, thinning my eyes at him in suspicion and he laughed darkly as he shook his head at me, his hand brushing across his jaw in a well recognised gesture of aggravation.

“Nothing is going on with me. You’re the one who is behaving recklessly and making decisions that are impossible for me to support.” He excused and I rolled my eyes at his avoidance. “Seriously, Indie. You warned the council to be careful out there with the ice nation around and now you want to go charging off on your own in the dark, based on a hunch? Help me to make sense of this.” He argued, holding his hands out to me in exasperation and I levelled him with a withering stare. Whether it was intentional or not, I couldn’t help feeling condescended by him and although I was always glad of his offers to help, I did not appreciate him telling me what to do, as he had earlier this evening.

“It would be quicker and quieter alone, and I knew that arriving with a force would set Arlo on edge. If it hadn’t been for Lincoln, I’m not sure that I could have won her over.” I stated defensively and Bellamy tilted his head at me as if I hadn’t fully answered his question. “I don’t know how I knew that it was her signalling, alright. I just felt it in my gut and I knew that it would haunt me if I didn’t investigate. It’s fortunate that we did, or else Arlo would have bled to death. I didn’t want to risk taking a force that would potentially get caught in a conflict if I was wrong about who was out there.” I elaborated and Bellamy scoffed at my explanation in an antagonising manner.

“So, you take the risk yourself instead, is that what you’re saying?” He accused, his brows knitted tightly together and his hands placed firmly on his hips. I opened my mouth to object, but he abruptly cut me off. “Not everyone is your responsibility, Indie. You can’t protect them all and you have got to stop throwing yourself into the firing line!” He raised his voice with each word and I could feel my temper rising as the seconds passed.

“Oh, please! That’s rich coming from you! You can’t wait to throw your life away for any passing damsel in distress. You’re being such a hypocrite!” I spat in return and silence fell between us as we both took a moment to gather ourselves. 

“You know, when you were in Mount Weather and Clarke suggested that we work with the grounders, I thought she was insane. But I’d have done absolutely anything to save you, so I went along with it.” He began speaking in a much calmer voice and I glanced up from my feet to meet his eyes. “Then, my sister started following Indra around and Kane wanted to communicate with the Commander, and now Arlo is calling you her second. You think I don’t know what that word means?” He added, examining me closely and I sighed at his tone. “I felt like I was seeing a side of you that you’d kept hidden from me tonight. You’re different when you’re with her and I could tell that you care for her. I’m afraid that you’re just going to get sucked deeper and deeper into her world until it gets you killed. You’re not a grounder, Indie. Please don’t die like one.” He expressed in a vulnerable tone and I scoffed in annoyance at the disrespect in his words. I felt as if he’d been observing me earlier in preparation for this conversation and that I was being unfairly judged for my relationship with Arlo.

“I know that I’m not a grounder, Bellamy. But Arlo has taught me to have better emotional control and I’m not going to apologise for how that has helped me. I’m strong enough to take care of myself thanks to her and that gives me peace that I sorely needed. Now there is a threat out there that is a problem for all of us and I am doing everything that I can to prepare us to deal with it. I don’t need you to lecture me about who I am. I know exactly where my loyalties lie.” I revealed with a furious expression and Bellamy began to grow heated again.

“You say that, but you’re speaking their language, living with a grounder more often than you are here and advising the council to be careful how often we visit Mount Weather for supplies that could help everyone here because it will offend the grounders?! I don’t want you to forget where your home is whilst you’re out living in the woods.” He spat, listing his points as if he were keeping a tally of the score between them and the grounders for who got to call me their own. I felt like a possession, torn between opposing sides and the pressure of the pulling was rapidly threatening to tear me in two.

“I didn’t even want to be in these fucking meetings! I did it because you asked me to and now I’m doing everything that I can to keep the peace. That means walking the line between both sides and if you don’t like it, you only have yourself to blame because you put this pressure on my shoulders!” I growled, feeling my hands starting to tremble from the anger and Bellamy seemed dumbfounded that I could possibly assign any blame to him in this situation. “I was quite happy to just focus on getting myself and my little family better, but you wanted me to play politics with you, so here we are.” I added with a flourish and he stared at me with an expression of disbelief.

“You can’t get everyone better. All you need to worry about is getting yourself better, which you told me that training to learn to fight would do. What I can’t understand is why it needed to go this far, where you’re involving yourself in a **war**. I just want you to be safe!” He pleaded, stepping closer to me in an attempt to reach through my anger but I withdrew from him, unwilling to consider this conversation finished whilst so much remained unresolved.

“You think that I don’t want that too? After all of the shit we’ve survived, you think I wouldn’t just love to sit around with you, in a simple existence and to be happy?! But I can’t, because when I first came back here and it was just you and me, I couldn’t hold myself together. The horrors that I’d seen and done were tearing me apart and so, I did what I had to do!”

“You are not the only person who is struggling to live with what they’ve done, Indigo!” Bellamy yelled as he completely gave into his anger and I flinched at his sudden outburst. “I have made mistakes that will stay with me forever and choices that you cannot even begin to imagine. I pressed the button that ended 300 innocent lives and I will have to live with that for as long as I live. I am reminded of it every day, when I look at Jasper falling to pieces and Monty, who we bullied into preparing it for us even though he didn’t agree, haunted by his part in it. But whilst you and Clarke run away, I’m still here facing it. Tell me, what good is it to become a warrior if you can’t even face yourself!” He ranted, allowing all of his frustrations to make themselves clear and I simply stood there to take it, frozen to the spot in shock. “We’ve all done awful things. You’re not special. So get over it.” He added bitterly before storming from the room and I wiped away angry tears that formed in my eyes.

I ensured to inform Kane of the impending meeting, who assured me that him and Abby would be ready to leave promptly in the morning. It also occurred to me that I should warn Octavia, as Indra would be summoned and she decided to leave immediately to explain the situation ahead of time. I offered to join her for the ride, but she insisted that I stay to escort Kane and Abby to the meeting point, in case she was late. Unwilling to return to my usual quarters, I made use of the room that Octavia was assigned but had never actually slept in and settled down for the night. I hoped that I might be able to get some sleep in preparation for the events of the next day, but I simply laid there repeating the conversation with Bellamy over in my mind, crying until I finally passed out from exhaustion. 

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

“What do you think is happening over there?” Harper thought aloud, glancing out from the trees to peek at the ruins where Kane, Abby, Indra and Arlo were gathered, deep in conversation. She peeked back at us inquisitively and I shrugged back with disinterest.

“I don’t know, but apparently it is not a conversion for seconds to be involved in.” Octavia commented bitterly, whilst I simply stared into space and continued to be lost to my own issues. We’d both been instructed to wait with Miller, Harper and Gina nearby, considered as little more than guards ourselves and I was frustrated that I was denied the opportunity to hear Arlo’s explanation of her time in Azgeda. Time passed slowly as we awaited an outcome and Octavia glanced around at me in concern. “You’re remarkably quiet. Everything alright?” She enquired as she examined me with a tempered suspicion in her features and I avoided looking at her as I spoke, keeping my attention in my thoughts.

“I’m fine. Just want to find out what’s going on.” I answered in a cold tone and Octavia glanced over to the others, who shrugged awkwardly. She sighed deeply, allowing a few moments of silence to pass before she attempted to make conversation again. 

“So, I heard that Arlo made you her second. Never expected that when I first started teaching you to fight.” She smiled with an obvious sense of pride as she viewed me that would have been treasured any other time, but I could hardly share in her enthusiasm after the disagreement of last night. Instead, I decided to keep my answers short to avoid falling into discussions and tried to ensure that I contained any hints of distress from my mannerisms.

“Don’t get too used to it. I don’t think I will be for long.” I stated bitterly, unable to contain my annoyance and she raised her brows at me in surprise. Inwardly, I scolded myself for my lack of control and knew that I would struggle to avoid her curiosity now that she’d got the scent of there being a problem. “Look, I really don’t wanna get into it right now, but I think I’m gonna be coming home for a while. I haven’t decided yet.” I divulged, careful with any details that I shared and Octavia sighed at my refusal to discuss it any further. 

When the meeting finally concluded, I was glad to have an escape and the leaders each began to approach their respective waiting guards. Immediately raising to my feet, I held my breath as Arlo reached me and placed a hand on my arm to lead me further into the woods together. We walked in silence for a while, until she was satisfied that we were far enough away and she turned to face me with a serious expression.

“Indra and I have agreed to support your leaders in procuring an alliance with the Commander. In these times of uncertainty, we hope that your unique skills will help to stabilise our people and that perhaps we may call on Skaikru to partake in the fight against Azgeda when the time comes. For now, their plans continue to form in the shadows and I must tread carefully to discover their origins. I did not allow you the option to join me before, but if it is a risk that you wish to take now, I will not stop you.” She explained, ensuring that her features remained unreadable and even to allow me to make my own decision.

Her unexpected offer shocked me and I stared back at her blankly for a few moments whilst I processed it. In all of my stress over the building tensions in camp, I had never considered that Arlo might be able to offer a fresh start where I could embrace a different lifestyle. I felt the familiar tug between the two sides of me rearing its head as the new path opened to me and I considered fleeing from my problems with her to whatever might face us in Azgeda. The faces of my loved ones flashed through my mind one at a time and I sighed deeply as I sunk into sitting on a nearby tree stump.

“I don’t know what to do.” I confessed, holding my head in my hands and when I glanced back up at her, she was waiting patiently for me to explain. “In many ways, I feel that I’ve already achieved the things that I wanted when I came to you. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and my emotions are more in control than they were even on the Ark. Though, at the same time, I knew there’s still so much more that I could learn from you. You have so much wisdom and I know that I’m still years away from fighting like you. But there are things that call me home, things that I am missing whilst I am here and it feels like it may have reached the time where I have to choose.” I explained with my hands running through my hair in stress and she slowly wandered over to sit beside me.

“What does your heart tell you?” She asked, catching me off guard with the sentimentality of her question and I glanced over to find her observing me with an understanding smile. “We can talk of strength, honour, duty. But in truth, the only thing that controls our desires is our heart. If you follow your ambitions for strength, or out of a sense of loyalty, without your heart in it, you will always feel incomplete.” She explained, her reasonable and emotional answer stunning me to my core and I realised that I still did not truly know her at all. “If you have a chance to live a life that will bring you joy and fulfilment, you should not deny that blessing for anything else. So, ask yourself. What does your heart desire?” She questioned again, her all seeing gaze baring into my face and I sighed thoughtfully as I considered the answer.

“I want to be happy and for my loved ones to be happy. I want to help them to overcome their pain, no matter how much they push me away. And I want to protect them from any further horrors from breaking them.” I answered carefully and she nodded slowly as she absorbed these statements. “The problem is, I don’t know how to do any of that.” I added with tears filling my eyes and she assessed me closely. 

“Though you have come to accept your past, you still carry guilt. What happened in the mountain still haunts you.” She probed in a manner that was more of a statement than a question and I nodded in response. I recalled the night we spent sitting around the campfire in her camp, where I explained how the mountain fell, leaving out the finer details of my most shameful actions and knew that Arlo was reflecting over it at this moment. I began to worry whether even her wisdom could lift the weight of my trauma that still stood even after all this time under her guidance. “I understand the guilt of killing innocents. It is a burden that I am more familiar with than you will ever know. But you must remember that those in the mountain were **not** innocent. Even those who did not fight you directly were willing to allow all of your young lives to be sacrificed in order for them to live. They knew of your suffering. They allowed you to live amongst them, break bread together and to believe in the safety of their act, all the while preparing you like cattle for slaughter. That is an unforgivable sin, for which they met their end.” She analysed the situation with a remarkable insight and I viewed her with respect, despite having previously believed that it was impossible for my opinion of her to become any higher. There was one detail that stuck in my mind and was unable to be shifted, however, and I met her eyes with a shameful expression.

“There were children there. Their lives were lost too in the radiation.” I confessed with nausea flipping my stomach, but found none of the expected judgement in her expression. “I did not make the decision that led to their deaths, but I cannot say that I would have been unwilling to do so. I was losing myself to desperation. I’m not sure that there was much that I wouldn’t have done.” I admitted, feeling even worse about myself with every word and silence filled the air in the wake of my dark recollections. Arlo stared into space, a deep concentration filling her face before she finally returned her gaze to me, causing me to gulp with anticipation.

“It is no simple action to kill a child. Even our most barbaric warriors will falter at the thought of doing so.” She revealed, her voice calm and steady, and I nodded guiltily. “However, there are times when they are caught in the crossfire. That is the nature of war, it is brutal and unforgiving.” She paused to lean closer and met my eyes with an intensity that made me shiver. “The lives that were lost in your battle were not taken with malice, but out of necessity for the survival of your loved ones. You are **not** responsible for their refusal to surrender.” She stated with determination, urging me to believe in her words and I felt her wisdom seeping through the pain in my chest.

“There are others in my camp, those who are struggling with the aftermath far worse than I have thanks to you. Last night, I began to realise that even the people that I thought were managing better still have their demons. I need to help them to find peace too.” I asserted, reaching a conclusion for myself and feeling as if I might already know the answer to her question.

“You cannot live your life for others, Indigo. Be careful that your decisions are truly your own. Some people do not wish to be saved.” She advised carefully and I shook my head fervently at her insinuation. 

“I know that I cannot make them heal, but I think the things that I’ve learned here could help them. Besides, I’ve realised that leaving them to struggle alone is not the person that I want to be. I can’t follow the same path as Clarke.” I muttered, losing myself to thought as I recalled my conversations with Bellamy and Jasper’s last vengeful attack on my conscience, and when I next looked to Arlo, she had crooked her head at me in interest. I realised that although I’d told her about the events of the fall of the mountain, I had not mentioned how they had impacted on my people since and sighed as I acknowledged that she did not understand my reference. “There’s someone in particular who needs me. They shared the weight of pulling that trigger with Clarke, but when they returned to camp with the survivors, she refused to come inside. She disappeared into the woods, unable to face her guilt and left them to bear the burden of their actions alone. I need to stand beside them, until they can accept their past as I have. I owe them that for saving my life. I can’t just run away too.” I revealed, allowing myself to be more honest than I had with anyone before and she examined me with a knowing smile.

“It is more than duty, or repaying a debt. You love him. I can see it in your eyes. I saw it in the way that you exercised restraint near your home, and I recognise it in the desire that you feel to return to his side.” She expressed in a voice that implied that she would not accept any denial and I remained tight lipped on the matter, unwilling to explore that possibility when I already felt lost in my feelings. “You must make him strong, so that you never have to face the pain of his death.” She added with a pang of sorrow and as I glanced over at her, I could tell that her mind was miles away from the present. I rose to my feet to begin removing my daggers from their harness but Arlo rose to meet me and held her hand up to halt me in place. “Keep them, and the clothes too. The day might come when you are able to return to me.” She offered, a fond smile filling her lips and I was astounded at the sight of it. I lifted the skirt portion of my outfit to reach the radio and handed it to her without a second thought.

“Here. If you ever need help, just press this button and speak into it. I’ll come straight to you.” I advised as I held it out to her and she stared down at it reluctantly. I pushed it toward her with insistence and she rolled her eyes as she took it.

“Have courage, Indigo kom Trishanakru. You will need it in the days to come.” She stated firmly, the title causing tears to form in my eyes that I had to battle to conceal and she held her arm up to me in respect.

“May we meet again, Seda.” I answered as I touched my arm to hers and felt as if I was losing a part of myself as she strode away from me.


	60. Eɴᴅ Oғ Bᴏᴏᴋ 1

That's wrap for book one of We Come Running! 

If you've stuck with me this far, I'd like to say a huge thank you for all of the love and support, it honestly means the world to me.

Indie's journey is far from at it's end and will continue in book two, which you can find on my profile.

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖


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